Chapter: 23 Question Marks

Hello Everyone!

First of all I have to say: big big Thank you to mrsstark83! You are truly my rock here and always there for me! Thank you so much. I think it's also safe to say, you basically beta read this chapter for me.

Second: Thank you so much for your support and patience every one. I'm blown away. I can't even comprehend how awesome you guys are. And I can't put in words how grateful and humbled I feel.
Thanks to you guys I - and I mean every single one of you - I decided to continue this story. I read each and every comment and I appreciate your ideas and I will keep them in mind while writing and incorporate them when they fit my general idea of the story line.

Third: I am not rewriting the chapters I had so far. But I'll alter the plot I had in mind for the rest. Unfortunately that means, I got rid of a lot of drafts I had so far. So I will not be able to update every week, since I am now basically starting/continuing from scratch. I hope you understand. I try to update every other week though, that means I try to upload the next chapter on January 28th. If I am faster, I'll update earlier.

Fourth: I want to answer one of the questions from the comments by a guest named Ruth: I can give you a date for the next update: Today, Baby ;-)

Enjoy!

Song: Question Marks by Sunrise Avenue

Question Marks

The rest of their first day in Texas was mainly spent in peace, relaxing outside.
Pepper and Emily whipped up a shitload of homemade lemonade, thanks to Mimi and Bo the fridge had been very well stocked with the necessary basics. Alex and Tony volunteered to drive to the next H-E-B to buy some meat and beer for a barbecue. Come on, they were in Texas after all.

Problem was neither Alex, nor Tony did barbecue very often back at home and they had trouble starting the grill.
"You guys need help?" Pepper asked as she stepped out on the porch, salad bowl in hand, Emily trailing behind her with plates and silverware.

"No, we're good." Tony said through gritted teeth, poking the charcoal with a stick.

"Yes, the grill will be ready in no time." Alex confirmed and held up his thumb and a bottle of lighting fluid in the other hand.

"You know there's an easier way of starting a grill?" Pepper said and tried to hide her teasing smile.

"Of course you would know, country girl…" Tony said and Alex shot her glare as well.

"Excuse me, I didn't quite get that." Pepper said teasing them again.

"Nothing, nothing." Alex stepped in quickly. "Just finish the side dishes, and we'll have the grill on in no time." He said reassuringly and ushered the girls back into the house, after they put down the things they were holding.

"Don't set my house on fire." Pepper warned over her shoulder. "I doubt we'll be eating very soon." She said to Emily, when they were back in the kitchen.

Preparing the food with her had actually been fun and she figured, she got along with Emily better than she had thought.

"Good thing we have the rest of the food here with us." Emily said and chuckled, grabbing a piece of bread and shoving it in her mouth. "God I'm starving."

"Yeah me too." Pepper admitted and took a piece of bread herself. "So how do you like it here?" She asked Emily, leaning against the counter. "Tony told me you never left New York before."

"Yeah, my parents weren't exactly loaded and so I couldn't afford to go to college in another state so I stayed and lived at my parents home during nursing school. Afterwards I got a job in the hospital I did my practical year in. So I never had a reason to leave New York, actually." She said and took another bite of her piece of bread. "But I love this place. This house and property is so beautiful. Though it's more humid than I would have thought." She confessed and laughed.
Pepper laughed along and turned to try and take a look out of the window to see if the grill was on by now.
"So what have you planned for the next few day's?" Emily asked Pepper.

Pepper was a bit taken aback by the question. Emily didn't honestly think the four of them would spent every minute together, did she? Yes, she had been invited along by her boyfriend, but she sure couldn't expect they would be spending all their time with Alex and her.
"Uhm, we wanted to go hiking and maybe take the horses and go riding, maybe go to Austin for one day. Otherwise we haven't planned anything yet. What about you?" She asked carefully, maneuvering the ball in her court.

"I guess Tony wants to relax mostly. But if it's alright we may like to tag along on the horse riding?" Emily asked hopefully. "I'm sorry by the way." Emily said suddenly out of the blue.

"What for?" Pepper asked, for the second time taken aback.

"I had no idea Alex hadn't talked to you about inviting us. I wouldn't have come, if I had known you didn't want us here. But I only figured it out when we got here. I thought you had just been tired at the airport and only then Tony told me." Emily apologized.

Pepper smiled sadly at her, getting were she was coming from and sighed.
"It's not that I don't want you here, it was just… this is mine and Alex first vacation together as a couple, you know? And like you said, I had no idea you and Tony would be joining us. And me and Tony hadn't been on the best terms those last month, to be honest, so I wasn't really thrilled to have him join us. But now I have to admit, being here together might actually be fun." She tried reassuring her.

"I had no idea." Emily admitted. "He always speaks so highly of you and the first time I visited him in Malibu, he couldn't shut up about you and what you had done for him and all. For a moment I was worried he had a crush on you." She said and laughed.

Pepper was happy she had her back turned to her again, trying to see their boyfriends, because she was afraid her face might be a dead give away about how close Emily had come to figuring out the truth. "But then he showed me I don't have to worry about anything." She said suggestively and laughed seductively to herself.

Crash.

She didn't know why hearing it shocked her so much, but not-so-coincidentally Pepper dropped the bowl with artichoke dip she had just picked up and it shattered on the floor. She knew Emily and Tony had had sex, she wasn't dumb and she had seen how Tony got his reputation first hand. Hell she had had awesome sex with Alex as well. But she did not need further confirmation or hear details from his girlfriend. Yes, Emily was nice, but they weren't this close. "Upps." Emily sing-songed cheerfully and grabbed a cloth to clean up the mess.

"Upps." Pepper breathed out, while trying to get a grip again.

"So what happened, that you two fought?" Emily asked while she was cleaning up the dip from the floor.

Pepper, now biting her lip, wishing she hadn't said anything in the first place, frantically thought about something she could tell her. "Oh you, know your boyfriend fell in love with me, before he met you, but I was to afraid to reciprocate the feelings, though I was madly in love with him too, so he threw a jealous rage fit and we somehow ended up hurting each other really bad, nearly crawling our eyes out and your relationship with him, is probably just a result of his jealousy" probably wasn't the best thing to tell Emily.
"We… uhh… Iron Man…" Was all she ground out. God, she was bad at lying and she knew it. "We fought about Iron Man." She just vaguely stated.

"Oh, I totally get it." Emily said, interrupting Peppers ramble and threw the cloth into the sink, now a little aggravated. "I mean, I know I should be grateful for Iron Man and all, I mean he saved me, but I hate that Tony is constantly putting himself in danger. Which is so unnecessary, by the way. America can protect itself just fine, I don't get why he's has to put himself out there. And every time he comes back bruised and hurt and I don't even know what he's doing when he's out there. To me it totally seems like he just does it to boost his ego. Does recklessness give him a kick or what?" Emily rambled and rambled on about how sick she was about Iron Man and it took about five minutes for Pepper to get a word in.

"On how many missions has he been since you are together?" Pepper asked, and wondered when Tony had been on missions.

"Two." Emily said and looked even more unnerved now. "Two! Two missions in three month! Can you believe it? One right after his recovery and another one, a day or two after our date with Rhodey. I always thought his alter ego would only matter once or twice a year-"

Suddenly Pepper shrieked when she saw a big fire ball emerge from the patio. She immediately ran past Emily and outside to where the guys were prepping the grill. Luckily nothing had caught fire, but the guys looked very guilty and Alex had a bit of soot on his forehead.
"What the hell happened?" Pepper asked, her mood somewhere between laughing at them and ripping their heads off.

"Well…" Alex started not sure what to say, as to not fuel her anger.

"We… just…" Tony tried to help, but he didn't know what to say either. He knew they both had screwed up, there was no sugar coating it. They both looked so guilty, Pepper was now more amused than actually angry. Also nothing had really happened, no-one was harmed why be mad?

"Spit it out." She demanded though, to teach them a lesson.

"I think we overdid the lighter fluid…" Alex said with a sigh and Tony nodded with guilt.

"Are you admitting now you two have no idea how to light a charcoal grill?" Pepper asked them, but they knew there was no room for further denial. They nodded.
"Say it." Pepper demanded.

"We have no idea how to light a grill." They said in unison.

"Ok, make way." Pepper said and took the matches and lighter fluid from Alex. "I'll show you." Pepper took the coals out of the grill and put them in a metal bucket with holes in it, which hung on the side of the grill and placed it in the grill. With the matches she lit the - already thoroughly soaked with lighter fluid - coals in different places through various holes. The charcoal caught fire immediately and kept burning. "This, guys is a chimney starter. Once the charcoals are white, carefully open the bottom with this lever here and distribute the charcoals evenly in the grill. Got it?" The nodded. "Great, I'm gonna grab drinks. What do you guys want?"

After dinner they all agreed to go horse riding on one day over the course of the next week. Well the didn't actually agree, since Tony was afraid of horses, but Emily had begged him for so long, he had eventually caved and agreed. But he had only agreed under the condition, that he would get to ride Mildred.
They continued their evening with drinking beer and casually talking about each and everything. The sun hat already set behind the house.
Pepper turned on some fairy lights that were placed in the bushed around the patio and they even saw a few fireflies now and then. When time neared midnight Pepper was so tired she could barely stay awake, but she didn't want to go to bed either. It was weird going to bed with her boyfriend, while Tony would be going to bed with his girlfriend just across the hall.
What she didn't know, Tony didn't want to go to sleep either. The idea of sleeping next to Emily, in the house Pepper had grown up, seemed wrong. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy sleeping next to - or with, for the matter - Emily, there was just a small voice in the back of his head, telling him he shouldn't have come here in the first place. Or at least, it should have been only him and Pepper. Under different circumstances.
In the end Emily nodded off against his shoulder and Pepper's sat opposite of him with heavy eyes as well, when Tony finally called it a night. He gently shook Emily awake, who stirred and yawned.

Both pairs went upstairs and bid their good nights in the hallway. Before Pepper closed her door though, she saw Tony close his door as well and their glances met each other. Tony smiled apologetic, almost sadly at her, but before Pepper could react or even understand what she had just seen, Tony had shut the door already. Did she dare to say there was still longing in his eyes? And did she dare to say, she wanted nothing more than to make the longing go away?

"B? You ok?" Alex asked from behind her.

"Yes. Sorry," Pepper said and snapped out of her thoughts, blinking a few times. "I just thought I… uh saw something." She finished and shut their door as well.

Alex changed first and was already in bed before she even went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Pepper deliberately took way longer to get ready for bed, one because she needed to get this day and Tony out of her thoughts and second she hoped when she'd emerge Alex would already be asleep. She just needed a few minutes to herself after this day.

It was the fourth day of their vacation and Pepper was up before anyone else. It was still dark out, but she enjoyed working in the kitchen alone. It felt homely to her. But not only was she at peace here, the kitchen had always been the place where her mother had worked small miracle for their meals and being alone for once, in one of the places her mother had hold dearest, felt like she could almost sense her there. She prepared the sandwiches for the day, carefully placing them in one of the saddle bags, which were laying on the kitchen table.

Once she had packed everything into the bags, she grabbed herself a cup of coffee.
A glance at her watch told her the sun would start rising in about 10 minutes, so she decided to step out onto the patio. She had always loved sunrises, especially cloudy ones, when the sky painted all colors onto the skies. A sunrise always was like a new beginning. A brand new day, a new chance.
Pulling her grey sweater, which she had thrown over one of Alex's t-shirts, tighter around her body she stepped outside, her bare feet feeling the wooden planks of the patio beneath her. It wasn't cold, but goosebumps erupted all over her bare legs, as a small breeze started to play around her. She leaned herself against the beam next to the stairs leading onto the grass and enjoyed the last traces of twilight, and took a sip from her coffee cup.

Tony woke when he heard the back door shut. Emily was still sound asleep on his chest, her hair spilled all over him. Straining his ears he couldn't make out any other noises out.

"J, time." He said quietly into the darkness and his mobile phone lit up, while JARVIS voice quietly told him it was 6:42 am, just a few minutes before sunrise. Noticing how thirsty he was, he untangled himself carefully from his girlfriend and made his way down to the kitchen. The first thing he noticed was that it already smelled like coffee in the kitchen and really did found coffee waiting for him. He then remembered hearing the back door shutting and with a cup in hand, he went to investigate in the living room.
When he reached the living room he saw Pepper standing outside. Her red hair hung in waves down her back, vibrant against a grey knitted sweater. He legs were bare, except for the hem of a black pair of loose fitting shorts, that peaked out under the hem of her sweater. She had her shoulder leaned against the beam next to her and just stared out into the twilight.

It was one of the most breathtaking views he had ever seen, and he wished time would stop. He just wanted to stay here forever, just taking in the sight of her.

Then, just before the first ray of sunlight made its way over the hill a voice behind her spoke.
"What are you doing up?" Tony's voice sounded from behind her, thick with sleep.

She turned around and saw him standing in the doorway, that led into the living room. He was wearing blue crossed boxer shorts and a grey t-shirt, his feet also bare. His hair was messed up and stuck adorably in all directions.
"Wait a second." She told him and returned to looking at the hill. "But from where you are standing, you're missing the best part." She remarked.

He stepped forward, out from under the canopy and stood next to her, leaning his right shoulder onto the other beam, mirroring her position.
And there it was. The first ray of sunlight that morning. It beamed over the hill, through the clouds, bathing them and everything around them in rich, golden-red sunlight. The sky, now a mixture of dark blue with white stars right above them, and red, pink and gold right in front of them, was just breath taking. Never in his life had Tony seen anything akin to this. And he lived on a house on a cliff overlooking the ocean, so he had seen some spectacular sunsets in his life.
The light made Pepper's hair and form glow. She looked like she wasn't from planet earth, but more like a celestial. The sun suddenly was just pale compared to her and the colors around them seemed to take a bow before their queen.

"Wow" He muttered, not able to take his eyes off her.

"I know," she admitted. "it's just breathtaking." Then she looked at him and smiled. And it was one of those rare, genuine smiles he hadn't seen very often these days on her.
When she looked at him he looked so in awe it sent shivers down her spine. And to be honest she was afraid what it meant for her. Yet she couldn't help herself, but smile at him. She hadn't felt so happy, so at peace in forever.

"Pep, I…" Tony started, but couldn't say anything else. He was too afraid to say something wrong, he might as well spill everything he had ever thought about her right here and now. And he was glad he didn't, because Emily appeared behind him with a cup of coffee for herself and put her arms around his waist from behind.

"Awww, I missed it." She said and slipped her hand in Tony's. "Why didn't you wake me?" She asked him a bit scoldingly.

Never in his life had his heart dropped when a beautiful woman raked herself around him and brought him coffee, but in this moment it annoyed him to no end. Pepper on the other hand ignored the couple for the most part and continued looking over the landscape, sipping her own coffee.
"Because you looked like you needed sleep. We have an exciting day before us." Tony stated, looking briefly at her, making clear he didn't want to discuss the topic any further.

"I'm gonna wake Alex. We wanted to go early, to avoid the afternoon heat, didn't we?" Pepper said and moved past them, placing her cup in the kitchen.

Not an hour later, all four had quickly eaten breakfast, all of them dressed in jeans and t-shirts, and saddled four horses. Pepper had assigned each of them a horse, fitted their saddles and had shown them how to prepare the horse, before saddling them.
Tony got Mildred, Alex got Ernest, a black gelding, with a very gentle persona, Emily got Paul, one of the oldest and smallest horses, which was white in the back and brown in the front and Pepper took Pearl. Pearl was a black stallion with a black wavy mane. He once was the foal of her old horse Nugget, but Nugget had to be put down a few years ago after she broke her leg.
If one had told Tony two weeks ago Pepper could ride horses, a stallion none the less, like she had done it every day of her life, he would have laughed in their face. But the way she rode in front of them and even went back and forth between Tony, Emily and Alex looked like she belonged on a horse back.

"You doing ok?" Tony heard her ask Emily behind him, as the two woman rode next to each other.

"Yeas, this is so much fun!" Emily exclaimed excitedly. "But can we try to go a little faster, too?" She asked.

Pepper laughed slightly. "Once we're out of this woods, we can try, if you guys can trot. Alex how's Ernest?" She asked and let Pearl walk slower to fall back behind Emily.

"He's so gentle, and behaves perfectly fine. And honestly B, this countryside is just gorgeous." He observed and Pepper beamed at him.

In the front Mildred neighed a bit and started to trot. "Uhhh, Pep!" Tony called out.
"Pep, help." Panic laced his voice as Mildred got faster with every passing second and Pepper spurred Pearl on and galloped past him, effectively blocking Mildreds way and getting her to slow down.

"Shhh, shhhh. It's alright girl." She told the horse soothingly and grabbed the reins, calming the horse. "What happened?" She asked Tony gently.

"Something rustled in the bushes and she just took off." He tried explaining. "I couldn't get her to stop. Although I tried everything you told us."

"I guess she got scared." Pepper told him and let go of the reins again, as Mildred seemed to have calmed down.

Emily and Alex caught up with them and they continued out of the woods. The ground now was sandy and littered with rocks in various sizes. In the distance flew a small river. "Are you ready to try and go a little faster?" Pepper asked. Everyone, even Tony, although with a great deal of respect and reservation agreed to try going trot and even gallop. They followed down the river for about two more miles until they reached a shallow riverbed with big rocks and trees.

"Perfect." Pepper exclaimed to herself.

"Is it save to swim?" Alex asked and took off his shoes. Him, Tony and Emily all went for a quick dip, while Pepper, never very font of swimming in open waters, set up their lunch and watered the horses.

They all munched on their sandwiches, talking about the landscape and their vacation so far.

"Pepper, when nobody lives on this farm anymore, how comes you still have so much livestock?" Alex asked after a while.

"Bo and Mimi don't have the space to keep many animals. They can only fit one horse and their two dogs on their property, so my dad let Bo keep some animals on our property. We kept that agreement after both my parents died and in exchange they look after everything and make sure everything is in order. So not all livestock belongs actually to us. Paul here for example" She pointed to the brown and white horse, Emily rode, "actually belongs to Bo."

"I'd love to live here." Tony said surprisingly. "It's so beautiful here and I think I'd like to have a farm, some chickens, even my own horses."

"You'd be bored out of your mind." Emily said, before anyone else got a chance.

"I could still tinker. I'd rebuilt the barn and make it a workshop. Robotic farming machines, animal feeders and stuff." He replied and his mind started working out plans to help Bo make things easier and more efficient.

"Oh that would be so great, but your ego would suffer too much." Emily said and failed at sounding sarcastic. She tried to laugh it off, but neither Alex not Pepper joined her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony asked, a little ticked off.

"You don't have a crowd to see and applaud you, when you use your Iron Man suit. You'd miss your audience called LA. But I'm the first one who'd be happy if you'd finally quit your hobby." She said and tried, but failed to sound matter of factly and like it was obvious.

"You really think I only use my suits just for fun?" Tony asked Emily shocked and suddenly the air between them thickened.

"I know you sometimes put it to good use, like you did in New York, but most of the time no-one has an idea why Iron Man was seen over LA, so what else would you use it for?" Emily tried deflecting, but Pepper noticed Tony got angrier every second.

"Why do you think I come home bruised and sometimes injured home? Because I like to get my ass kicked?" Tony all but spat at his girlfriend. Pepper knew Emily had hit one of his sweet spots.

"No, I don't think that you like to get your ass kicked, I just think you're irresponsible and lack carefulness. It's the same with your palladium poisoning. You were not careful while tinkering and poisoned yourself." So he hadn't told her about the true source of the poison either, Pepper noticed. "I just think you get yourself in trouble with the suit, when it's not necessary. America can defend itself very well, all you do is stroke your ego with these "missions" of yours." Emily was not very defensive, but unknowingly made things worse. And she actually used air-quotes for the word missions, with made Tony actually see red.

"I don't have to sit here and listen to your accusation, while you have no idea what you're talking about." Tony was close to exploding, Pepper could tell, but he couldn't argue with her without giving everything away, and he wasn't ready to share all the information with her yet.

Before anyone could move a muscle he was on his feet and on Mildreds back, galloping away, back toward the farm.

"Tony!" Pepper called after him, but he was already gone.

"I'll go after hi-" Emily started, but Pepper cut her off.

"No. I think you already did enough." She snapped at her angrily. "Maybe you should try to read and get to know your boyfriend and Iron Man little better, before you fling words around." She said while standing up, shutting off Emily effectively. "Alex, I'm sorry, but I think…"

"I understand. Go." He encouraged her and helped her get onto Pearl's back.

"Thank you." Pepper said, but didn't only mean him helping her up and smiled lovingly at him, before taking off.

Back at the farm she found Mildred tied to the fence behind the barn, but Tony was nowhere to be found. Not in the house or the barn or anywhere else on the property. But as she turned to go back inside to call JARVIS she remembered something. "In fact this hayloft was one of my favorite places. I'd always play here with my brother and when I was sad I'd come here to think…" Her own words rang in her ears as she remembered their conversation from a few days ago. Deciding she might as well try her luck she headed back to the barn calling his name. But he didn't answer. Yet when she climbed up the ladder, she found him sitting at the far end under the small round window, leaning against a hay roll staring into the void.
"Are you alright?" She asked softly and moved towards him.

"People never seem to get it." Tony said calmly, not looking at her.

"What do people not get?" She asked gently.

"Me." He simply stated and continued staring onto the wall. But Pepper waited patiently for him to continue. "Iron Man." Another long pause passed before he continued. "Even you don't get it… I'm not just doing it for fun. I have to right the wrongs my weapons did. My fathers weapons did. It's not my ego going crazy." He looked at her and she found an unbelievable amount of sadness hidden in his eyes, along with a desire for plain acceptance. "I like what I do and of course I like that people think I'm a hero, who wouldn't, Pepper? But I believe in what I'm doing with all of my heart. I know it is the right thing to do. So why is it wrong to enjoy the attention as well?" He searched her face for answers, but Pepper couldn't hold his gaze and turned her eyes away.

Tony wet to brush the topic off, but Pepper decided to place everything on one card.
"When I first caught you in the suit, you had bullet holes up and down your body. You are always so snarky about everything, so I thought it was one of your antics. Especially since you had only just returned from…" Her voice faltered and cracked. "From Afghanistan. I thought you had PTSD and living more dangerous was your way of reacting." Before Tony could say anything to defend himself she spoke on. "But then you explained you wanted to right the wrongs Obie did and as you know I helped. I know you had noble intentions and I saw you were - maybe even for the first time in your life - trying to really do the right thing. So I stayed." She smiled at him, and Tony waited for her to continue. She took a deep breath, almost a sigh, "And then you announced you are Iron Man and it was so you, so typically Tony Stark." She laughed bitterly and looked to the side, fumbling with a bit of hay. "I thought I had lost Tony again. Just Tony, the good man, trying to do right. I thought your noble intentions were gone and you were back to your old self. Craving attention like a moth craves light."

"Is this really how you see me?" He asked and sounded so small, defeated.

She put the hay down and grabbed his hand, which was fiddling with a piece of hay as well. "I thought I did. But I was wrong." Their eyes met briefly, reassurance meeting doubt and fear. "You did the best you could. You tried to make the world a better, safer place. Yes you made mistakes and I'm not saying you didn't screw up big time, but you continued ridding the world of your weapons. Even after I left, you didn't stop."

Tony's eyes grew wide and he stared at her. "How do you know? After I promoted you, we barely spoke, because we both know I…"

"JARVIS." She stated as an explanation and smiled sadly. "I had him keep tabs on you for me. I wanted to know what's going on before the media beard it all through the news. Though your crazy antics with Vanko and Hammer didn't exactly help. You are doing the right thing. Anyone who says differently has no idea what they're talking about. Anyone who says differently doesn't know you. And though I admit I'd rather have you not fly around and endanger yourself, I understand why you have to do it. And I believe in you."

Tony looked at her and this time she didn't look away. Her ocean blue eyes were full of admiration and did he dare to say, devotion. Pepper Potts truly was his rock. She always accepted him and she'd do anything to help him. Hell, she had even stuck her hand inside his chest to switch his battery, and she had knowingly risked her life to help him take Obi down. And suddenly he felt so ashamed of himself for not telling her he had been dying. "God Pepper, I am so sorry." He said before he had any chance to stop himself.

"Hm?" She looked at him surprised.

"I'm sorry I hadn't told you. I just did-"

"Tony? Pepper?" Alex voice wavered into the barn from the outside.

"I guess they're back." Pepper observed. "I should get back to them. We're all invited over at Mimi's and Bo's for dinner tonight." And Tony was alone again.

I still have a sneak peak for you:

Alex was still sleeping next her, his face pressed to her side, holding her carefully, but tight. She looked at him and felt… nothing. Except sick. She couldn't handle being in his arms at the moment. Carefully she moved out of his embrace and practically fled the room, desperate for air.

I hope I didn't disappoint you... :)