Never Lose Hope

March 1998
Aurora

Aurora looked over from where she was brewing her potion, seeing Remus sitting in a chair at the table, reading a book to Ryan. The baby kept grabbing for the pages, likely trying to touch the pictures as they moved across the page and every so often would giggle loudly and look up at Remus as he made some sort of silly voice depending on whichever character he was reading at the time.

A soft smile came across her face as she watched them, her heart swelling with happiness at the sight. The cuts on Remus' face were faded, though he had a few new scars to add to his collection. The rest of his wounds had healed up as well. And while things weren't completely as they had been between them, the two had found some level of comfort with each other. They hadn't spoken the words aloud - Aurora was still unsure she was ready to say it just yet - but they had settled into a comfortable routine. With Remus back, Aurora felt centered, finding it easier to stay calm and focused.

At that moment, Remus glanced up at her, smiling. She felt her heart flutter at the sight and her cheeks warm slightly. Quickly she turned back to the potion, not wanting to ruin this batch. It would be enough to get him through the next few full moons. And she wasn't sure just when she would be able to get her hands on another supply of aconite. She had attempted growing it more than once, but for some reason it never took no matter where she planted it.

After some time, she stepped back from the cauldron, letting it simmer for a bit and walked over to Remus, who was now holding a sleeping Ryan. Aurora bent over his shoulder, gently caressing Ryan's cheek.

"Hard to believe he's nearly a year old," she said softly, not wanting to wake him.

"Overheard you talking to Mrs. Clark. Seems you've got quite the party planned for him," Remus whispered, also staring down at the sleeping child.

"Even if we are in hiding, doesn't seem right to let him not have a decent first birthday," Aurora said. Remus sighed happily as he stood and walked him over to the playpen, lying the tot down.

"He really does look like him," he said, glancing at her. "Sirius…" Aurora swallowed as she gripped her locket.

"More and more each day. You should see his baby photos. It's like looking at him," she murmured. "I wonder… as he gets older if he'll continue to look more like him…"

She was surprised. The tears didn't come this time, not like they usually did when Sirius came up. There was still sadness there, of course. But it almost felt as though she was finally starting to move beyond her grief.

"Ellie really does favor him as well," she said, as she continued to stare down at her sleeping son. "Seems both of my children will look like him…"

"They do, though… I can't help but think the older Ellie gets, the more she looks like you," Remus said. Aurora looked over at her, her eyes wide. "Sure she's got his eyes, his hair, but her face… I see more glimpses of you as she ages. She's got some of your expressions as well." Aurora smiled slightly, looking back at Ryan.

"I thought Evan would throw a fit… and that everyone would know the truth when she got older…" Aurora said, though a frown came across her face. She shuddered slightly. Remus reached out and slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"It's fine, Rora. He won't get to you. He can't hurt you anymore," he said softly. Aurora took a deep breath and nodded.

"He won't," she replied. "Not anymore." She looked over at him, smiling.

"I'm here, Rora," he breathed softly, the two of them locking gazes. This time, Aurora didn't shy away from him. But she also didn't respond at first, not sure she was ready to say it to him.

"I…"

"Aurora, Remus!" they heard Shacklebolt call out from somewhere inside the house. The two of them looked towards the French doors. Aurora quickly walked towards them, not wanting to wake Ryan, as Remus followed. They had just shut the doors behind them when he found them.

"Shh, Ryan's sleeping," Aurora said. "What news?"

"The others will be arriving soon," he said. "Seems more are able to come."

"Good to hear," Aurora said. "Anything on Evan?"

"Not yet, but we're still mapping out his latest sightings. I'm sure we'll find him soon," he said. Aurora nodded. She turned to Remus.

"You go check with Mrs. Clark. I'll go finish the potion and check on Ryan," she said. She then smiled and stepped back out into the greenhouse.

"She's doing much better now that you've come back," Shacklebolt said, looking into the greenhouse. "Suppose that and the fact that I finally let her out on a mission." Remus looked at him with wide eyes.

"You what?" he asked, nearly raising his voice. Shacklebolt looked back at him.

"Reconnaissance," he said, not realizing that Aurora hadn't mentioned it to him. He hoped that he hadn't just caused another argument between the two. Especially now that they were no longer a daily occurrence. "Should ask her about it." He then turned and walked off to the library. Remus sighed and looked back into the greenhouse, seeing Aurora bend over the baby. While he wasn't happy she had been out on a mission, he was grateful that it had at least ended well as she was here and unharmed.

He then turned and started towards the kitchen. Whatever it was, they could talk about it later.

Remus sat in the den, looking around at the members of the Order gathered there. Charlie Weasley had even come in from Romania and was having a rather lively chat with Tonks, the two passing a flask of firewhiskey between them as they leaned close together. Bill and Fleur were nearby, listening in. The Weasley twins were also there, alternating between teasing their mother and telling Sturgis Podmore how their mail order business was faring. Apparently, the shop was still rather successful even during the war.

Aurora was seated next to him, chatting with Hestia Jones about some plant that he forgot the name of (really there were far too many in her greenhouse for him to keep track of). He still hadn't asked her about the mission, but obviously there was no time for that now.

Finally, Shacklebolt stood and got their attention, launching into a list of announcements of sorts. How they believed You Know Who had been at Malfoy Manor for a time, though now they were currently unsure of his whereabouts.

This had led to someone asking about Harry, who was obviously on everyone's mind.

"Unfortunately, we haven't had word on him recently," Shacklebolt said solemnly. Remus glanced over, seeing Aurora's hands shaking. He reached out and placed one of his over hers, squeezing it lightly before moving it back to his lap. She smiled slightly at him but then turned her attention to Shacklebolt, who then said that he would be speaking on Potterwatch soon and asked if others would volunteer. Remus lifted his hand, feeling it would at least be something that he could do.

The meeting continued on, with a rundown of the various safe houses around the country and the state of things. Shacklebolt finished up and looked at Aurora.

"We haven't been able to find Evan," she said solemnly.

"But you were close, I thought," Sturgis said, frowning as he looked from Aurora to Shacklebolt.

"We did locate him, but at the time, it was inadvisable to make a move," he said as Aurora looked down at her hands, her jaw tensing.

"But we will find him," she said, looking up. "Before he threatens any of us." The fanatic zeal that had once taken over her seemed to be dampened. There was still determination there, but Remus no longer worried that she would run off on some half-baked mission to find him and get herself killed.

"For now, it's best to keep gathering information when we can. Keep our eyes open," Shacklebolt said. He continued on with the meeting, though Remus watched Aurora closely. She contributed here and there and seemed much more focused, less… irrational. What had changed, he wondered.

Afterwards, Remus found Aurora in the greenhouse yet again, soft music playing as she slowly moved through the many plants, looking over them. For a moment, he stood at the doors, just watching her. Occasionally she would stop and bend over, smelling blooms or checking the state of leaves, then move on.

She then turned to face the large windows, standing still as she looked out at the back gardens.

He enjoyed watching her here - in her sanctuary - tending carefully to her many plants and flowers. Some were for potions and salves and such, while others simply looked and smelled beautiful. The temperature in the greenhouse was always mild, though he knew in certain parts, it would be higher or lower, depending on the flowers or plants growing there. Even now, while it was still rather cold and gloomy outside, she stood in a light blouse with the sleeves rolled up.

He was glad to be back at Greenthistle Manor - more than glad to be sleeping in a bed rather than in a cave or out in the open. And happy that he and Aurora had reached some sort of peace. It wasn't fully what he hoped, but at the same time, he knew that he could not push her. Pushing her is what had led to the last terrible ordeal. Why he had left to go attempt negotiating with the werewolves again and nearly gotten himself killed. But at least now, she seemed more open to the idea. She no longer stepped away when he moved closer to her. She even allowed him to sometimes hold her hand, touch her. It was a small step, but a step regardless.

Granted it didn't help that the same fears of his own were still there. That he didn't deserve any sort of future with her. That he could someday hurt her or the children. While he had accepted his feelings for her, he would always worry. That would likely never change, and it was a constant battle back and forth in his mind. Once a month he turned into a monster. And sometimes he felt the guest cottage wasn't far enough away to keep her and the others safe, even if he finally had a steady supply of Wolfsbane potion.

He sighed and pushed the door open, stepping into the greenhouse. Aurora remained looking out the windows, not realizing he had walked in. He stepped over to the table and placed his glass of scotch on the table. Aurora turned to face him, smiling slightly.

"Didn't hear you come in," she said, walking over to him.

"What were you thinking?" he asked. Aurora sighed and walked over, sitting at the table.

"Just… wondering… how long will this last," she asked, her brow furrowed. "I was… well. I was thinking that sometimes it's nice to forget about everything. Focus on the good. There's so much darkness in the world right now and it's hard to get away from it. But sometimes there are moments when… I forget." She looked over at him. "I wish I could forget more often."

"As do I," he replied. "This won't last forever, you know…"

"I know… but… what will we have when it ends?" she asked. There was silence.

"We'll have each other," Remus said. "Ellie. Ryan. The others." Aurora studied him a moment.

"You really think that?" she asked quietly.

"I do. I have to believe that we will," he said. "It's hope that will get us through this. That will help us survive. I've told you that before."

Aurora looked down at her wine glass.

"I know… I have to believe that we'll have Harry as well. God knows I spend enough of my nights lying awake worrying about him. About Ellie…" she said.

"Have faith, Rora," Remus said. "I came back."

"Yes, and you nearly frightened me to death in the process," she said, looking back up at him.

"Now… I do believe I'm not the only one giving frights… Shacklebolt said you went on a mission," he said. Aurora's eyes widened slightly.

"He told you?" she asked. He nodded.

"Care to elaborate?" he said.

"It wasn't anything too dangerous," she said quickly. "Reconnaissance only… at Malfoy Manor." Remus immediately frowned. "Before you give me that look, obviously we made it out fine. Even if we were discovered in the end-"

"You were discovered?" he asked, sitting up in his chair.

"We got away. I don't even think they really saw us, to be honest. And it did glean some useful information. I learned quite a lot about the protective wards they're using-"

"But you nearly got caught, Rora," Remus said sternly. Aurora sighed and shook her head.

"We knew what we were doing. Tonks and Shacklebolt were with me the whole time," she said, an irritated look coming over her face. "And it's not like I'm going out every night. I'll only go when it's gathering information."

"You shouldn't be going at all," Remus replied.

"And you shouldn't have gone to the werewolves," Aurora shot back. They stared at each other a moment before Remus sighed. "You did nearly get killed, I might add."

"I'll admit, it was a bit foolish of me," he said, not looking at her. Aurora shook her head.

"I don't want to argue about this, Remus. We both are members of the Order. And we both know there are going to be times when we need to go out and do things - potentially dangerous things. We've done it before," she said. "And we survived the last war."

"We did," he said softly.

"So… let's just… promise to have each other's backs like we did then. Try to be as safe as we can," she continued. He looked up, meeting her eyes. He sighed and nodded slowly.

"Very well," he said softly.

"Like you said, we just… need to have faith that it'll all turn out okay in the end," she said, mustering up a smile. "That at the end of this all… we still have something to live and fight for…"

"Of course…" he said. "I do have faith… that it will turn out okay in the end." They locked eyes, the things left unsaid hanging heavy in the air. But Aurora smiled slightly and sat up in her chair, reaching across the table. Remus did the same, their hands meeting in the middle. He looked down, seeing their fingers intertwining.

He did have faith that they would make it through this. And that at the other side, perhaps then they could finally find a way to be together. If only they could get out of their own ways.

So, I realized that I kind of left out a HUGE part of Remus – namely the fact that he doesn't think he can be with anyone because of who he is. I'm trying to fix that in editing from here out, but apologies for going OOC there a bit. Sometimes I get so caught up in the story that I miss things… But yea, these two… For some reason when I was thinking about if Aurora were going to end up with someone, the only person would be Remus. And trust me – I went through a lot of options including her being with no one, but for some reason I always came back to this… Muses… such a bitch sometimes…

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