The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom
"You did what?" This fell from Satoshi's lips in an accusatory hiss. "Shiro..." My name was lowly uttered in a chiding tone. "You went to her house?" His voice dropped in dumbfounded bewilderment laced in dismay with the expression of disapproval that shaped his features.
"Satoshi..." I whispered his name a bit defensively.
"No." Satoshi hissed. "Forget privacy and boundaries, Shiro." He said through the downturn of his lips in clear objection towards my behavior. "You deliberately put yourself at risk by visiting an unstable patient off hospital grounds on your own." Satoshi said, the condemnation slowly fading from his voice. "You told me yourself that she's already attacked you once." He said as he looked me in the eye. "Tried to assault you." Satoshi's expression shifted more towards genuine worry over my safety and well-being. "What were you thinking?" He finally asked.
"I felt that my concerns merited the decision I made." I murmured in a hushed tone of explanation, though it hadn't been my initial intention to have to defend my actions when I had called Satoshi to my office.
"Believe me, I get that." Satoshi whispered. "But you and I both know there's a very good reason why local law enforcement is called when there are these kind of concerns."
I shook my head to this as I looked away, a sigh of protest pushing through my nose. Even now, fully aware of the precarious situation I had placed myself in by going to this woman's private residence, I couldn't see a positive outcome if I had contacted the police to check on Akito Sohma. What damage that had been done in having violated her privacy, I believed I had been able to repair by simply staying with her when she had asked me to as she went about fixing her roof-top garden. I doubted that a visit from law enforcement would have ended as amicably that day. And I knew for a fact that, had I called the police instead of visiting her myself, Yuki would not be sitting in my office now as I defended my actions outside in the hall.
"Satoshi," I murmured in a low whisper as my eyes drifted up towards his face once more. "I didn't ask you to my office in order to debate whether or not I made the right call." I looked him in the eye as I spoke quietly, and Satoshi parted his lips as if to counter this point before my next words gave him pause. "I'm asking for your help."
So many times...Satoshi had come to me for help.
So many times...I had lent my time and assistance.
And now...? Now it was my turn to call in a favor.
"Alright." This came a sigh through Satoshi's nose with the shake of his head. "Fine." And as his eyes met mine, I saw how my plight had finally managed to convince him. "What do you need?"
"You remember Akito Sohma's persona," I murmured quietly to him. "the one calling himself Yuki?" And Satoshi nodded.
"Yeah." He replied with a nod, listening intently as I spoke.
"Well," I continued in a hushed whisper, sensing the woman's presence in my office. "He's in my office for his session with me, and he's agreed to undergo hypnosis in order to attempt reintegration."
"Is that even possible?" Satoshi echoed the question of The Memory Keeper, and I gave the faint twitch of my head.
"I don't know for sure." I admitted. "But I believe it's the best treatment option for her condition."
"What do you need from me?" He asked.
"You're familiar with her case." I said. "And," This fell quietly from my lips as my gaze drifted to the floor. "I'd like you to be there in this session today. Just in case-"
"In case this whole thing goes sideways and she becomes violent again?" He finished my sentence for me in a hushed whisper as I hesitantly nodded before lifting my gaze.
"It would be for her well-being as much as my own." Probably more so, given the fragile nature of her psyche.
Satoshi looked away and down as he considered this a moment before he nodded, seeming to have been convinced to agree to my request.
"Alright, Shiro." He looked at me as he whispered with another nod of the head. "I'll help."
"Thank you." I breathed a sigh of relief, falling silent for a brief moment before looking to him once more. "Ready?" I asked with an indicating nod to my office door, and Satoshi finally gave the amused shake of his head as a smirkish smile began to play along his lips.
"This ought to be good." He quietly chuckled with a sigh as he stepped towards the door to let himself into my office as I followed.
When I had briefly dismissed myself to speak with Satoshi outside of my office, it seemed that Yuki had made himself comfortable on my couch, having removed his shoes and pulled up his legs against his chest as he always did. And as we entered in tandem, the woman's head lifted from her knees and quickly turned in our direction. An expression of surprise and nervousness shaped her features as those large, dark orbs darted between the two of us before lingering on me with a questioning look.
"Doctor Kogara...?" My name parted the woman's lips in trepidation.
"Yuki." I murmured with a consoling nod in order to calm the nervous doubter. "This is Doctor Satoshi Tanaka." I said in a calm, professional tone as I reintroduced my colleague.
Satoshi nodded to the woman curled in the fetal position on my couch as he took a step forward. And to his credit, Satoshi didn't bat an eye or skip a beat when greeting this woman's timid persona.
"Hello, Yuki." His voice was as warm and comforting as his smile, and Yuki gave the timid bob of the head in response from where he sat on my sofa.
"Hello." This came an echoed response from the woman's lips as she continued to regard Satoshi with some incredulity. "Have we-" Yuki hesitated a moment, silently sucking in a breath before beginning again. "Have we met?" And Satoshi wordlessly nodded to this question.
"When you were brought into the emergency room with deep lacerations on your wrists," Sastoshi said through that same warm, comforting tone. "I was the physician who stitched you up."
"I don't remember that." Yuki hissed in a breathless whisper, looking down and away as if ashamed by this fact.
"That's alright." Satoshi immediately responded, his demeanor and tone seeming able to dispel the shame pouring off of the woman sitting on the couch. "You were pretty heavily sedated by the time you had come to me." He said, normalizing the woman's laps in memory while avoiding the sensitive topic of her condition; and I couldn't help but offer a faint smile to the way Satoshi so naturally navigated this conversation with my client.
"He'll be joining us today for your session." I informed the woman as she looked from Satoshi back to me with the furrow of her brows.
"Is that really necessary, Doctor?" Yuki asked in an almost pleading tone, and I lightly nodded as I took a seat in my office chair, lowering myself to Yuki's eye level.
"I believe it's in your best interest, yes." I answered truthfully, and the woman's lower lip tucked between her teeth as Yuki looked away from me, those brows furrowed and knit together. "Everything said in here will still remain confidential." I murmured in a quiet tone in order to reassure and bolster the fragile doubter. "Doctor Tanaka is held to the same privacy standards that I am." And Yuki faintly nodded, though continued to avoid my gaze.
"Okay." This came faintly mumbled from the woman's delicate lips, and with this consent Satoshi quietly sat in a chair placed in the corner of my office.
"Alright." I began as the woman settled her chin against her knees again, an almost glum expression along her face. "I want to make sure that you still want to undergo hypnosis." She lifted her eyes, those dark depthless orbs briefly looking into mine as Yuki gave the faint bob of the head.
Only once...before lashes fluttered and the woman looked away from me once more.
But it was enough to indicate that this woman's current persona still wished to undergo this rather unorthodox treatment process. And with another witness in the room with me, I felt confident enough to proceed. I looked to Satoshi, who gave me a knowing nod of his head before my gaze turned back to my client.
"This will be like the time before, Yuki." My voice came an even murmur. "Do you remember?" Yuki nodded, those eyes almost blankly fixated on a spot along the floor as a small sigh pushed through the woman's nose.
"Take a deep breath." I gently directed in a measured tone, and Yuki did as I had instructed. "Now release it...slowly." As the woman did so, her eyes fluttered closed, and I continued to coach her through this process of meditative relaxation. "Focus on the air leaving your lungs, drawing you into a deep state of relaxed calm." I worked to support her in pacing herself as the first cleansing breath was released.
"How are you feeling?" I murmured lightly as Yuki's soft spoken voice manifested lightly through pale lips.
"I'm fine."
"Good." I spoke encouragingly. "Now take another deep breath, releasing it slowly." And Yuki did as directed. "Listen to my voice and let it draw you into a calm, relaxed state." The muscled of her delicate, pallid features began to smooth over like white porcelain as her face came almost doll like in this peaceful state. "As you drift further into relaxation, you'll stay fully aware and responsive to my voice." I murmured calmly through my professional tone.
"Okay." This came a drowsy sigh from her lips, and I nodded in approval to this.
"Take another deep breath, releasing it slowly as you feel your body become lighter and more relaxed." This came soothingly repeated in the quiet calm of my office as she gave a final, peaceful sigh with the flutter of her lashes. "Three...two...one." Her hands came laxed and slumped from her shins to either side of her, and through my peripheral I caught the expression of interest that shaped Satoshi's face as he sat in the corner, witnessing this first hand.
"Yuki?" I whispered through the silence and even pace of her calm breathing, yet there was no response. "Yuki?" I repeated, concern causing my voice to waver as my gaze narrowed along the woman's blank expression. "Yuki, can you hear me?" And a stifled inhalation parted the woman's lips.
"Who is Yuki..?" This came so softly uttered that, at first, it didn't sound as if she had spoken at all. "Why do you think I'm him..?" She sighed with the faint furrow of those thin dark brows, and I hesitated a moment before replying.
"And who are you?" I inquired as I felt Satoshi's eyes on me.
"Kureno." This new, masculine identity parted the woman's lips in a featherlight, almost genteel tenor as Satoshi and I exchanged a brief look before I gave my full attention to the woman again.
"Hello, Kureno." I greeted this persona in a cordial, professional tone as I introduced myself. "I'm Doctor Shiro Kogara." I replied. "My apologies for having mistaken you."
"That's okay." The woman hummed in a sluggish tone as the smallest flex of a smile lifted the corners of her lips. "It's not the first time I've been called that name." And as the woman's new persona said this, it occurred to me that this personality must bear at least some likeness to the fragile doubter. "I don't mind, though." The one calling himself Kureno said in a softened voice. "Yuki sounds like he's nice." The faint smile curled a little further along the woman's lips. "People are always really nice to me when they mistake me for him." Kureno mumbled in a listless voice. "So he must be a really nice person." This personality concluded with a weighted sigh, and I offered a reserved smile.
"It sounds like you're a very nice person, too, Kureno." A faint chuckle bubbled up from the woman's throat in response to this complement from me.
"You really think so..?" Kureno asked in a quiet voice, and I nodded.
"Of course I do." I replied just as quietly to reassure the woman, and saw from my peripheral how Satoshi gave a little smile to this.
"Thank you, Doctor Kogara." This came whispered in a tired yet contented hum from the woman's lips. "Doctor," My title floated listlessly in the air, drawing me in. "how do you know Yuki..?" This question gave me pause and caught me by surprise a bit before I finally responded as honestly as I could.
"Yuki," I began, slowly pacing my words. "Yuki came to me for help." I finally replied as my eyes remained upon the laxed figure on the couch. "And I suppose," My voice infinitesimally soften. "that in helping him, I'm helping you as well."
"Helping me with what?" Kureno innocently asked, and I found that I didn't exactly have an answer to this question.
"Kureno," I murmured lightly. "have you ever felt like you were trapped?" And those thin brows lightly pinched together as I saw this new identity consider my question for a moment.
"Well," Kureno sighed. "I suppose so." This came from the woman's lips. "Maybe a little." And I nodded.
"I could help you become free." I replied. "If that's something that you would want."
"...really..?" The woman's voice came almost childlike with the hopefulness of this question.
"Yes." I answered simply.
"How?" Kureno asked through a heavy, weighted sigh.
"I want you to take a breath," And the woman did as I had said, without hesitation and with childlike trust. "and imagine yourself as a leaf attached to the branch of a tree." I conjured this image, and watched as Kureno's features almost comically scrunched.
"That sounds a little silly, Doctor." The woman mumbled through the flutter of thick lashes as I heard Satoshi give a stifled, somewhat undignified snort.
"I like this kid" He quietly snickered in my direction as I fought the urge to verbally reprimand him.
"What did you have in mind, Kureno?" I directed this question towards the woman, encouraging her persona to play and active role in this process of guided imagery.
"I've always wanted to be a bird." Kureno sighed softly through the flutter of lashes, and I nodded to this as I amended my instructions to pander to this desire.
"Alright then." I began again in a calm, soothing tone. "Imagine yourself as a bird, Kureno." I whispered lightly. "A bird, trapped inside of a cage." I utilized the woman's request to my advantage as I began to guide her down this new path, and the woman's breath came thready and a bit troubled. "The only way out is a barred door, which is locked from the outside."
"...Doctor..?" Kureno whimpered a bit fearfully, brows furrowed and knit together. "I don't like this."
"It's alright, Kureno." I murmured quietly in a comforting tone. "I'm here." I said. "And I'm going to let you out of the cage." When I had said this, the woman's delicate, alabaster features smoothed with the small sigh of relief that released through her nose. "I've unlocked the door," I quietly uttered. "and the door is open now, Kureno."
"What do I do now?" Kureno mumbled quietly, and a reserved smile lifted the corner of my lips.
"You're a bird, Kureno." I replied. "All you have to do is spread your wings and fly away." And the woman's lips curled into the makings of a soft smile.
"I can do that?" The woman's persona asked, her voice filled with childlike wonder, and I nodded.
"Of course you can." I said, and Kureno smiled with a little sigh. "Now, I'm going to count to three, and I want you to spread your wings and fly out of the cage you're in." My voice came calm as I gave these simple instructions. "You think you can do that, Kureno?"
"I don't know..." Kureno sighed. "But I'll try, though." And I nodded to this.
"Good." I spoke encouragingly towards Kureno's willingness to at least make an attempt. "That's all I want you to do, Kureno. Just try."
"Okay." Kureno softly mumbled. "I'll try."
"Alright." I nodded, exchanging another fleeting glance towards my colleague in order to ensure that he was also prepared before I looked to the woman and continued forward in this process. "Are you ready, Kureno?" I lightly asked, and the woman's lashes fluttered.
"Yes." This came a breathless whisper from the woman's lips. "I think so."
"Good." I offered this praise before I continued. "Here we go." This fell from my lips in a whisper as the entire room filled with anticipation. "One." The woman took a reflexive breath in, releasing it in a cleansing sigh before I continued. "Two." I uttered quietly, slowing my pace when Kureno took another breath. "Three." A long, drawn out sigh left the woman's body through her parted lips.
And then...
Then, there was nothing.
The woman didn't move. Or speak. As if Kureno really had become a bird and taken flight as the once caged bird carried off with the woman's soul, leaving behind nothing but an empty shell. And the way this woman had become so unnervingly still alarmed me. Because this felt different from the time Yuki had dissociated into the voiceless mute. At least during that incident, there had been some sign of life behind those fluttered eyelids. But now? There was absolutely no sign of life within the doll-like body sitting on the couch.
"...Shiro..?" My name came quietly uttered from Satoshi's lips, sounding just as concerned as I was over this recent development as I gave the swift jerk of my head to silently indicate that I wasn't entirely sure what had just transpired.
"Kureno." I lightly called this name, and to my surprise the woman faintly stirred.
"Kureno..?" She echoed in a thready, fragile voice. "Kureno?" She called out again with a little more life, her voice laced in sadness and confusion before releasing an audible sob. "Where is Kureno?"
Satoshi leaned forward in his seat when she sobbed again, as if to go to her before I cautioned him from approaching with the silent raise of my hand.
"Kureno, can you hear me?" I tested again, and the woman burst into tears.
"Kureno's not here anymore." Her slender, curved figure trembled with the weight of this grief as one of her limp hands went to veil her lidded gaze. "He's gone." She sobbed out.
"Shiro." Satoshi called my name a little more firmly, clearly disquieted by the level of this woman's emotional distress and wanting me to intervene and end this.
"At the sound of my voice, when I count to three you'll wake up." I calmly instructed over the woman's mourning before her voice gained an edge of anger.
"You took him away." She hissed through the tears that ran down her cheeks.
"One." I countered in response as I remained detached and composed towards this accusation.
"You took Kureno away, and I want him back!" She cried out again, her voice filled with resentment towards me.
"Two." The woman's once lifeless features contorted in rage, and her eyes squeezed themselves shut as she let out a strangled scream at me from the fetal position on the couch.
"Give him back!"
"Three."
A deep, ragged breath pulled through the woman's nose and ravaged her lungs as those eyes flew open and her head jerked up from her knees. And the gaze that met mine was wide and wild, and filled with panicked confusion.
"Doctor Kogara?" Her body trembled as my name parted her lips, and those long slender arms wrapped around her knees as she hugged herself in an attempt to control the shaking.
"Yuki?" An affirming nod of the woman's head came in reply with the shaky voice that followed as Yuki clumsily wiped away the tears that someone else had shed.
"What just happened?"
A/N: So the opening to this chapter (and the inspiration for the chapter title) is taken from the following poem.
'Caged Bird'
-Maya Angelou
The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.
But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom
The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.