Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update! I dated this chapter 11/22 thinking I could finish it before 11/22 in our time, but no go... Busy time of year and I've been really focusing on researching agents and writing a query letter for one of my YA fantasy books! I'm going to try querying in the new year. I'm so excited but also completely terrified!

I think next chapter I'm going to get us into the beginning of Endgame. I need to rewatch the movie and cry my eyes out again because it's been awhile, but it's time. I will try my best to keep writing and updating as I always say I will and then inevitably fail to do. Thank you as always for reading!

21 – Reparations– November 22, 2021

Aspen pulled the collar of her coat closer around her neck. New Asgard was cold as fall lengthened into winter, but Aspen hadn't wanted to put her trip aside any longer. Her time with Steve had patched their wounds and given Aspen back a life she never thought she'd have. It hadn't been easy adjusting to a new life, but the more she poured herself into helping the city recover, the better she felt. She was finally doing something constructive. Steve had gone from attending grief counseling to leading his own groups. Aspen had attended a few, but she found it hurt too much to be surrounded by other people who were grieving. Talk was good, but she only really felt better through action. She'd started using her abilities to rebuild parts of the city that had been destroyed in the Snap. There were a lot of buildings that cars had crashed into when their drivers had disappeared. Helicopter wrecks dotted the city here and there. A whole airplane had crashed in the East River, but Aspen had seen to that as soon as she'd started helping around the city. It was a terrible reminder of what they had lost. Aspen had lifted the plane straight out of the river and onto an empty field where it could be properly disassembled.

She was reminded every day of what Thanos had done, but her need for vengeance had died, turning from a blazing fire into a barely glowing ember. She was still angry. She would always be angry, but there wasn't anything she could do about the past. Thanos was gone and so were the infinity stones. Moving on hurt like hell, but it was better than the alternative.

Aspen nodded a greeting to some of the Asgardians she passed. She hadn't seen Thor since she'd left the Avengers facility to follow Clint. She knew he blamed himself for not taking off Thanos's head in the first place, but she didn't want him to bear that guilt. They all could have done a lot of things differently, but they didn't know how it was going to end. Aspen had seen a lot of ends in her visions, but she still hadn't known how to defeat Thanos. She was also hoping to speak to Thor about Loki. Thor had told them of what had passed, but Aspen hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him about it. She knew out of all of them, only she and Thor would mourn him. She'd tried to tell herself that he might still be alive. He was a trickster after all. He had faked his death multiple times only to pop up somewhere unexpected. But he hadn't come back. Not this time. He had been many things, but he had deserved better than that. Aspen's relationship to the Asgardian had always been complicated but, in the end, she had called him a friend and she mourned him like a friend.

"You're Aspen, aren't you?" a woman called out, and Aspen turned. The woman was dressed for the cold weather, her dark hair braided down the side. "Thor mentioned you. Back when he felt like taking. I'm Valkyrie." She held out a hand, and Aspen took it. Her grip was strong, and Aspen immediately liked her.

"Nice to meet you. How's he doing?" she asked as they started walking farther into the village.

Valkyrie frowned. "Not good," she said. "He blames himself, you know."

"It's not his fault," Aspen said. "We all feel we could have done something more, but without the time stone, we have no way of going back. It's never going to stop hurting and we're never going to stop feeling guilty, but we have to accept that we did what we could at the time."

"Maybe he'll listen to you," Valkyrie said with a long sigh. "He's changed. You've known him longer than I, so you'll probably notice the differences more."

"We've all changed," Aspen returned softly. "I'm just glad your people made it here safely. I know...I know many others didn't."

Valkyrie nodded, dark eyes solemn. "We've had to learn to live on a different planet. It's not possible to be the same people we were."

They paused outside a cozy looking cottage and Valkyrie inclined her head towards it. "That's him. He lives there with his two roommates Korg and Miek. Just...be prepared." For the roommates or for Thor, Aspen didn't get the chance to ask. "Good luck. It was nice to meet you." Valkyrie left her at the doorstep, and Aspen raised a hand to knock.

At first, there was no sound from within. Aspen worried he wouldn't answer, that she had come all this way to have to turn right back around. She could sense someone was inside when she felt for heat signatures. Then she heard heavy footsteps and the door creaked open. Aspen hadn't quite known what to expect, but she was still shocked by Thor's appearance. His usually well-kept hair was stringy, growing out longer than he usually kept it, and he had put on weight-something Aspen couldn't quite reconcile because he had always been at the peak of physical perfection during his time as an Avenger. Her heart went out for him. He wore his guilt, his blame, his pain, and his mourning.

"Aspen," he said when she didn't speak, looking surprised at her presence. "What are you doing here?" His voice slurred a little as he spoke, and Aspen caught a whiff of some alcoholic beverage on his breath. Her heart broke a little more.

"I came to see you," she said. "To see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Fine," he said, his tone not matching the look in his eyes. He was far from fine. "You didn't need to come out all this way."

"I did. I left that day and I completely failed you and everyone else as a friend and teammate. I wasn't thinking clearly-none of us were-but I should have been there. I was actually hoping to talk about Loki." Her words were met with silence. "I-I know it's a painful subject, but have you been able to talk to anyone about him? I've been mourning him, too, but you're the only one who could possibly understand."

"You were the only one who ever saw more than a villain when it came to my brother," Thor said. He stood back, making way for her to enter the cottage.

The inside reminded Aspen very much of one of Clint's safe-houses. There were empty pizza boxes littering the surfaces of the furniture as well as empty bottles of beer. It took an extraordinary amount of human alcohol to get a demi-god drunk, so Aspen could only imagine how much Thor had drunk to be a little tipsy.

Aspen perched herself in one of the chairs while Thor got a fresh bottle of beer. "Would you like anything?" he asked.

"No, thank you." Aspen had never been particularly close with Thor. They had always been on good terms, and they'd always shared the connection of Loki though Aspen hadn't ever told Thor the extent of her history with him. Only Steve knew that, and it had put a strain on their relationship from time to time.

"How are you really holding up?" Aspen asked.

Thor's eyes went distant, and she knew he didn't want to think about anything that had happened. She'd spent the better part of three years trying to forget.

"How are any of us holding up?" he countered. "I'm still here. A lot of people aren't." His eyes softened. "How do you and the captain fair? You've lost, too."

"We're holding up. It hasn't been easy and it never will be, but we're back together."

"My brother always had a weakness for you. I'd never seen him like that around any other human. You brought out the best in him." Thor's eyes went distant, glassy, but he sounded more lucid than he had before.

"From what you told me, he died a hero. He'd probably roll his eyes at that. He didn't think himself capable of being a hero." She smiled at the thought. He'd called her a hero at the end of his attack on New York, after he'd been captured and she'd gone to visit him. Despite his spite for the other Avengers that the public had deemed heroes, he'd said it to her like a compliment.

"I don't believe in villains," she'd told him. "Just good and bad choices." She never had believed him a villain, just someone who had been seeking attention from the shadows so long that he'd reached his breaking point. It didn't make what he'd done right, but she knew the attack on New York had been an ill-fated attempt at proving he was worthy of ruling.

"You told me that once before. You also said you didn't believe in heroes, but that might have changed."

"A hero doesn't have to be someone with superhuman abilities," she'd told him. "Just someone willing to fight for good."

"So someone like you."

She'd told him she was no hero, and she didn't feel the part. She was just a girl who had been lost for so many years who had finally stood up for what was right rather than what was easy.

"You're willing to fight for good, as you put it. You've got the battle scars to prove it."

"I'm not a hero," Aspen had repeated. "I was just trying to do the right thing."

"There was no one else left to mourn him," Thor said, taking a swig of his beer.

"You lost everything, and for that I am so sorry. I can't even imagine." She'd lost her family a long time ago and then lost her father again after learning her parents were still alive. She'd lost homes, lost friends, lost her team, but Thor had lost literally everything save a handful of Asgardians.

"Ah, well, we move on. We keep going." He rubbed his nose, and Aspen thought he might start crying, but then he seemed to rally himself. "It was kind of you to visit me. I have heard from no one else."

"I think we're all mourning in our own ways, dealing with what happened-or not dealing. But I know we're all worried about you. I know you blame yourself for what happened, for Thanos snapping his fingers, but it wasn't your fault. We all did what we could and, in the end, it wasn't enough, but that blame doesn't fall on any one shoulder."

"I had the ax," Thor said quietly. "The Thanos-killer."

"And I have abilities gifted to me that should mean that nothing is impossible, but here we are. We all did what we could. He just did better, and now we have to live with that. Somehow."

...

Aspen left New Asgard with a heavy heart. She knew Thor was nothing near all right, but she also knew there was nothing she could do or say to make any of it better. Thor was self-destructing from what she could tell, and her heart went out to him. If only Loki had survived. He would have kept his brother on his toes if nothing else.

Aspen had one more stop before she went home. She powered up the jet and took off back toward the States. She'd been holding off on this for a while though she couldn't say why. Maybe it was because out of all of them, he'd built a better life for himself, and she didn't want to cast a shadow over it with her own grief. She'd heard that Tony and Pepper had finally gotten married shortly after Tony's return from space. That had been while Aspen was with Clint, so she hadn't been there. And he had a daughter now. Morgan. She would be three now, and Aspen had never met her. If everything had played out differently, Mara would have been four. She might have been friends with Morgan. Now they would never meet.

Tony had done well for himself, setting up his family in a beautiful cabin in the middle of the woods. Out of all of them, he looked as if he'd actually moved on. Aspen set the jet down in a field and walked the rest of the way, enjoying the crisp November air. There was a layer of snow here, and her boots crunched with each step. They would be celebrating Thanksgiving in a few days, and then they would put up their holiday decorations in preparation for Christmas. Aspen had let Tony know she wanted to visit, and he'd given her their location as well as an invitation to come by any time. They hadn't spoken, hadn't really spoken for a very long time. Aspen found herself missing the old days once again back when nothing had mattered so much.

She hesitated on the porch, her fist raised to knock. She was saved the trouble when the door opened, a gap-toothed little girl grinning up at her. "Aunt Aspen?" she asked in a sweet voice. She had dark eyes and hair like Tony and Pepper's face. Aspen couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah. You must be Morgan?"

In answer, Morgan ran forward and flung her arms around Aspen's knees. "You're officially part of the family now." Aspen looked up, meeting Tony's eyes. "Not that you weren't already."

Aspen smiled at him, and he returned it. "Let her in, you little monster," Tony said to his daughter, and Morgan released Aspen's knees to let her inside. "Why don't you go help Mommy for a minute? Adults are gonna talk now. You can smother Auntie Aspen later," he added at the little girl's pout.

Aspen watched Morgan run off into the next room before turning to Tony. "Come sit down," he offered, leading her into the living room. A fire was crackling in the fireplace, lending the room a cozy warmth. Aspen hesitated to sit before giving in to her impulse and throwing her arms around Tony. He hugged her back immediately, no hesitation, and it was as if all their years of silence hadn't happened.

"It's all right," he said as she started to cry. "You're okay." Aspen hadn't meant to cry, but suddenly she couldn't seem to get a grip on herself. She was so happy for Tony, but seeing Morgan reminded her of the missing piece in her life. Tony finally steered her to the couch, sitting next to her and keeping an arm around her. He quietly let her dry her eyes and pull herself together again.

"Sorry," she said, laughing a little. It came out as more of a hiccuped sob.

"Don't apologize," Tony told her. "I'm used to women breaking into tears around me."

This brought a smile back to her face. "I missed your arrogant face," she told him when her voice was steady again. "And your terrible ideas that are always incredibly genius but totally insane."

"My ego was getting a little deflated without you to stoke it."

"Morgan is beautiful. She looks just like you and Pepper."

"She's wonderful. She makes me a better person every day," Tony said, his gaze going faraway.

"I wish you could have met Mara," Aspen told him.

"A child created by you and Steve Rogers? I bet she was perfect," Tony said. "I can't put into words how sorry I am you lost her."

Aspen nodded. It didn't hurt as much to talk about Mara, not with the people she cared about. "I didn't think I wanted a child. No, I knew I didn't want a child, but when Mara came into my life so unexpectedly, I couldn't do anything but love her."

"I'm sorry we were at odds when she was born," Tony said. "All that seems so pointless now after everything. We lost sight of what was important."

"There's no use regretting," Aspen said with a shrug. "None of this is ever going to be okay, but at least we're still here making the best of what we're left with."

"How's Steve?" He and Tony hadn't ever repaired the rift that had formed between them after their civil war. It wasn't that they were still angry with each other, it was just that so many other things had gotten in the way. They'd never had the time to make proper apologies.

"He's good. He's actually been leading group therapy sessions to help victims of the Snap. You know him, always putting everyone else first and himself last. But we're happy-as happy as we can be considering. It's almost as if Mara never existed, but there's always this empty space right here." She tapped the place over her heart.

"When we win, we win big. When we lose…" Tony trailed off.

"We're not invincible, but maybe we forgot that somewhere along the way." She certainly had. She'd gotten cocky, overconfident. Despite all the visions of terrible futures she'd had, she'd never really thought they would play out. There was no version in her head where they lost so much, perhaps because one didn't know how much they had to lose until it was gone.

"I think for the longest time, we were living with the idea that we could still fix this," Aspen continued. "That there was something more that we could do. We don't lose. We fail from time to time, but we don't lose. The only way to start living again was to accept that there is nothing more we can do. I've tried everything with my powers. I'm supposed to have full access to my brain with the Superhero Serum, but I've never used my abilities to their full potential. I get to a point where I feel my humanity slipping away, where I feel me slipping away. I'm not willing to go past that point and maybe I should. Maybe I would be able to change things if I did."

"No," Tony said, shaking his head. "It's not worth losing yourself just for another what if."

"But what if it brought everyone back? Wouldn't it be worth it then?" she asked.

Tony gave her a sad smile. "You have no idea if it would actually work. You might lose yourself and still not fix anything. Steve's already lost his daughter; don't make him lose you, too."

"You're right. It's not a solid plan. I don't think I can turn back time anyway…"

"You're staying for lunch, right?" Tony asked, tone cheerier as he changed the subject. "I know Morgan has been dying to meet you."

"Of course. I've been dying to meet her, too," Aspen said. She felt lighter, happier. Even if their team was still broken and half her friends were turned to dust, it felt like she was taking steps in the right direction. Tony had been a part of her life for a long time now and even if they didn't always see eye to eye on things, she loved him like family.

Pepper was in the kitchen with Morgan, preparing sandwiches. She hugged Aspen as soon as she walked into the room. "It's so good to see you," she said.

"You, too." Morgan grinned at Aspen, and Aspen returned the grin. It wasn't so hard to smile anymore, and she was beginning to feel a little like her old self again.

They sat down at the table to eat, and the conversation flowed freely, Aspen telling Morgan all about Phoenix and how lazy the cat had grown. She told Pepper and Tony of her new job using her abilities to clean up the city. "It feels good to be using my powers for something useful after…" She glanced at Morgan. "Well, after hunting down bad people."

Clint had stayed in touch. Not as often as Aspen would have liked, but just to let her know he was okay. She knew he was far from okay, but he was fighting in the only way he knew how. Pepper and Morgan showed Aspen around the house and around the yard while Tony cleaned up lunch dishes. They had a pet alpaca named Gerald, which Morgan adored, and Aspen got a good laugh over picturing Tony cleaning up after it.

"Are you happy?" she asked Pepper while Morgan was feeding the alpaca hay.

"We are," Pepper told her, eyes soft. "We were some of the lucky ones." She squeezed Aspen's hand.

"I'm really glad. You and Tony deserve that," Aspen said. "I know it hasn't always been easy dealing with him being an Avenger, making his Iron Man suits. I think he's wanted this life for awhile, but he felt like it wasn't possible. There was still too much he needed to do, and the Avengers weren't done. This isn't how any of us wanted to retire, but maybe it was the only way we would."

"If you and Steve need anything, you know we're here, right?" Pepper asked. "You're welcome to come up to stay if you need a week away from the city. You're always welcome."

"That means a lot to hear, Pepper. Thanks."

…

Morgan hugged Aspen before she left. Sunset was dying the sky a fiery orange that glistened off the snow. The snowman Aspen had helped her build was tilting to the side, hardly taller than Morgan herself. Today had been healing in a way Aspen couldn't describe. She hugged Morgan back and promised to come and visit before too long.

"I'll bring Phoenix next time," she told her. "She'd love to meet you." She hugged Pepper and then Tony before waving and walking up the ramp onto the jet. She wished she could have stayed longer, but she was missing home. Missing Steve.

She set the jet down on top of their apartment building in Brooklyn, stealth mode keeping it invisible to the naked eye. They had a deal with the owner of the building, and no one else came up to the roof, so it wouldn't be accidentally discovered. She made her way downstairs, letting herself into the apartment.

Phoenix greeted her with a merr-ow, tail straight up in the air. Aspen shrugged off her coat and scooped her up, stroking the cat's golden head.

"I'm home," she called out, kicking off her boots and shoving her feet into her waiting slippers. She relaxed, breathing in the familiar scent of the apartment. Their little electric fireplace was on, and it gave the small space a lazy warmth.

"Hey." Steve came out of their bedroom. "I was just searching for her favorite mouse. She lost it again and wouldn't let me sit down until it was found." He held out a little catnip mouse, and Phoenix blinked disinterestedly at it before turning her attention back to Aspen. Aspen leaned up to kiss Steve before setting the cat down on the couch. Steve tossed the mouse to her, and Phoenix batted at it half-heartedly before jumping down to eat her dinner.

"She likes it better when you're home," Steve said.

"I like it better when I'm home, too," Aspen said, wrapping her arms around him.

"How was it?" When Aspen had first said she was going to New Asgard and then Tony's house, he hadn't asked to come. He understood that this was something she needed to do on her own.

"It was hard but really good," she said. They sat down on the couch, Aspen leaning her head against Steve's shoulder. His hand was warm where it wrapped around her, and she found herself getting sleepy after the long trip. "Thor is...well, he's not doing fantastic. He's coping by drinking a lot. He's stopped taking care of himself like he used to. I feel so helpless knowing there's nothing I can say or do to make it better for him. He lost his mother, his father, his brother, half his people, and his entire world. He's lost so much, and he blames himself for not cutting off Thanos's head the first time. It's not his fault though. I'm just glad he's got his people there. He's got friends looking after him. But I don't think he feels he deserves anything but his own misery."

"He gave us a better chance than we would ever have had without him," Steve said quietly.

"Tony is good. I met Morgan, who's a little spitfire. I can tell they're all really happy. Tony has moved on even if none of us can fully move on from what happened. He's made a life for himself, and it's a beautiful one."

"I'm glad for him. He deserves it."

"We do, too. I don't think I realized it until I saw his little family. I know we're doing better, we're coping, but I'm not sure we've given ourselves permission to be happy again. I am happy though. I'm happy living here, I'm happy with you, I'm happy to still be alive."

Steve turned his head to kiss her forehead. "I'm happy, too," he said. "Even if we never fully move on, we can still be happy with what we still have left."

"Then let's make a pact to keep living for the future," Aspen said. "We're two of the lucky ones, and we can respect those who are gone by making the most of the life we still have."

"I'm lucky to have you," Steve told her. "I love you."

"Love you, too." She closed her eyes and let herself feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time.