Chapter 21

The feeling that one is leaping into the unknown was once described to me as being very similar to doing acrobatics on a trapeze or trying a new flavour of ice cream; there is no guarantee that you will be able to survive or that you will enjoy it.

An associate of mine told me that he once attempted to do both these very things while shooting an important film in an undisclosed location long ago. He described leaping into the unknown as one of the most frightening experiences of his life; his mind being unable to comprehend what could possibly happen and was even more unsure of whether he would enjoy it. We once chatted over Peruvian coffee about how he attempted to show his stunt performers how to execute a proper triple aerial backflip with the exact timing required for it to be captured on film. With one of the performers being afraid of heights, my associate decided to demonstrate the action to ease their worries and all he can recall from those moments in the air is the sickly feeling that he would be unable to survive the fall if the stunt was performed incorrectly. He quite literally leapt into the unknown air and his mind filled with a great many scenarios of what would happen during and after this performance. He wondered about the consequences and whether he would succeed or fail; would he be able to film this stunt or not, would his performer get over their fear of heights, would he live or die and who would handle his affairs afterwards? He was fortunate enough that he did not fail and none of the most horrific thoughts occurred. The required stunt was captured perfectly in the following film takes and the reward was a fine scene in an excellent movie. But it was the uncertainty of the outcome from this unknown was what he had feared the most when taking that risk.

My associate then told of another time during filming that a particularly excitable chef came to the movie cafeteria one day, eager to have all the actors and crew try a new flavour of ice cream that she had invented. She insisted that my friend try it first and the same sickly feeling filled his body as he tasted the first spoonful. He stepped into the unknown and asked himself many more questions as he ate; would his nut allergy become a concern for his crew, would this flavour be better than the Belgian chocolate cream he'd tasted in his childhood, would it be a suitable to make into milkshakes, and most important of all, would it taste good? My friend was fortunate enough again that having taken that chance and been rewarded with an excellent flavour ice cream that was served as a staple at the film's wrap party, despite the feeling that lingered deep within his mind in those uncertain moments.

Many years have passed since these risks into the unknown occurred and it haunts me even to this day to think of what my associate thought about in the moments before he faced the greatest unknown of all, where one goes after death and the eternal slumber that comes with it.

While Holly S. did not engage in any trapeze artistry nor had she tried a new flavour of cold, creamy ice cream, she could still feel the dreaded uncertainty my associate likely would have described if he had survived his encounter with death... of stepping into the unknown and supposed consequences of where such a journey will take you next.

There is no doubt in my mind that the young girl had many questions that filled her mind as the tiny yellow taxicab continued down a long dirt-covered road, taking her away from a place that her father had intended for her to be safe at, but she now knew was not... She likely wondered to herself if what she had done was the safest and best thing to do for herself; to climb into the back of a car with a stranger and driving to an unknown location. She stared down at the encoded message sent to her by K.S. and thought about the part of the letter that stood out to her at that moment.

Despite what your mother and father insisted, it is time for you to know the truth about many things.

What had they insisted on? What things were K.S. referring to? What truths? Was she truly going against her parents' wishes?

A deep and great feeling of dread washed over her; the thought that she was disobeying what her mother and father wanted for her. Holly had always tried to be a good child who respected the people who gave her life and love, but if this impulsive decision had caused her to go against something, they desired for her, what would they think of her now? Would her father become furious because she'd left a supposed safe place? Would he worry about her? What if he was coming to pick her up the very next day? What would he think if she wasn't there? She felt incredibly guilty and the desire to jump from the taxicab and run back to the school came into her mind. Despite knowing how risky such an act could be, Holly wanted to do right by her mother and father she knew they only ever had the best of intentions... so why was K.S. so insistent on giving her answers? What answers were there to give?

The young girl pondered these ideas further... if her father did only want the best for her and to keep her safe, why did he never bring her with him on his trips? Surely the safest place she could be would be by his side and not in a house alone or in a school in the middle of nowhere. Why had he wanted to hide the truth about her mother's death from her? Why did he not tell her about his job? Why did he come back to Prufrock only to leave without her? Why did he never answer her phone calls? What was so important that she needed to go to that boarding school in the first place? Why did she know nothing about their family?!

Frustration begins to build inside Holly's mind as she realized that the more she examined her life and the deeper she dug into the unknown; the more she questioned her parents' intentions and motivations. It was clear that many secrets were surrounding her life that total strangers like K.S. knew but she didn't know herself. Why had they kept them from her? What harm could they cause? How can she trust the people who are supposed to mean the most to her if they can't trust her? It was frightening and irritating to think about as the gloomy darkness surrounded her and she watched the barren unknown landscape

She shifted uncomfortably in the backseat, listening to the engine as the yellow car puttered along, crushing gravel and dead grass beneath its tires. She decides in her mind that this was not a mistake and if her parents wouldn't tell her the truth, then she would have to find it out for herself.

Wanting to start immediately, she turned to the shadowed figure in the driver's seat, his eyes gazing forward on the road as required by law. She opened her mouth to begin speaking to this man, to ask him what this was all about, how did he know her parents, who was K.S., why was this so important, why was the message coded etc. It was then that she noticed how tired the man, Thursday Caliban appeared to be. His eyes seemed to be sunk inwards slightly as if he had not slept in a long time and she could see that he was dishevelled in appearance, the overcoat he wore was ill-fitted and wrinkled, his thin-frame seemed to shrink in the fabric and it was as if the entire thing had been shoved on in such a hurry. His hat was also slightly askew upon his brow and his shoes were scuffed and dirty as if he had just walked a great distance in the desert or through a pile of rocks. But what frightened the girl the most was the deep expression of regret and worry etched out on his face. He looked neither entirely frightened nor scared, not angry or sad, but sort of mix of all these feelings, reflecting how she felt internally too.

At that moment, she decided to try asking simple questions first, ones that could easily be answered by this distraught and tired man.

"Where are we going?" she asked quietly.

Thursday Caliban kept his eyes forward at the road ahead of him, he let out a deep sigh, one that Holly could not tell if it was one of annoyance, concern, or anger. He seemed to mull over the girl's question, a phrase which here means think about whether it was safe to answer or not as if his reply could lead to any number of unknown consequences. Eventually, he decided that it was okay to answer.

"We are going somewhere safe."

While this did little to help the girl comprehend the situation or what was happening, the Holly accepted it and moved on.

"Do you work for K.S.?"

Again there was a long pause of silence between driver and passenger, Holly S was forced against the back passenger door as the man abruptly made a sharp left turn onto another road.

"I work with her," he responded. "We work with many people, including your father."

Immediately Holly wanted to ask a million more questions, clear the air of all these unknowns, but again calms herself and considers Thursday's current reaction to her first few inquiries.

"How do you know my father?"

The man sighed again and seemed to accelerate the taxi a bit as if they were somehow being chased. It was clear that the girl would not remain silent... she did deserve answers, the associate knew that she'd been kept in the dark for such a long time, but Mr. Caliban knew that he was not the right person to answer everything... there were much better people out there who knew how to explain the situation to the girl without jeopardizing their morals and intentions. Deep down he wished that these children had been informed by their parents/guardians about everything that surrounded their lives and their mission, explaining the unknown is a particularly difficult and tedious thing to do, especially when one is on a tight schedule. His mind then flashes to thoughts of his daughter... what had his wife told her about him? Would his little girl know the truth or would Miranda try to keep her safe as the rest of these parents attempted to do? As a father, he could understand why keeping such secrets were important, some were so treacherous and dangerous than they could destroy a person literally and figuratively, but at the same time, keeping children so deep in the dark that they become afraid and dread the great unknown is not always the most helpful.

"I knew your mother back when we were in school together. She and my wife used to be friends, but I didn't get to meet your father until about a year ago, at a cocktail party; he delivered me a message concealed in a fortune cookie to let me know of a recent storm that had blown over the ocean and nearby islands. I have not spoken to him much since then, but K.S. and I always keep in touch and she tells me about your father's excursions and errands from time to time."

The girl felt utterly lost; what this man had just said made little to no sense to her. When would someone give you a weather report in the fortune cookie? Why would this happen at a cocktail party? Why would knowing about the nearby islands be important? She feels as if she's getting nowhere with any of these questions and she is not being given straight answers. She sensed that there is a reason for this, but why not be clear with her? She was only fifteen and not fully versed in the world of metaphor, parody, or anecdotes. She just wanted to know why she decided to take this chance and step into the unknown. She wanted the reward that came with taking this risk, and so far she had been very disappointed.

Holly leaned against the side window like she often did when she was tired. All the questions that filled her mind weighed heavily and having to drag these inquiries around was equally exhausting. She continued to stare into the void outside the taxi, the surrounding darkness and shadows filling her mind with dread and unease. While the dark had never bothered her before, now that she was in the great unknown world, its abyss and uncertainty frightened her to the point where she wanted to be in the safety of her cold and miserable dormitory again.

Deciding to try and pass the time during this drive, Holly used the pencil and note pad that she had acquired to decode the sheet music to record all the questions that she had. Every time she wrote down one, another seemed to float into its place. She wrote as diligently as she could in the gloom and darkness, not caring whether Thursday Caliban could hear her writing or not. It was clear that he was not going to answer any of them, so Holly decided to save them for K.S., her father, and anyone else who could give her a clearer answer. For some strange reason, writing out all her thoughts made that dreadful feeling of whether she would survive to step into the unknown or enjoy it, fade away slightly and her mind to be more relaxed. It did not take away the uncertainty completely, but it did make it more familiar and almost comforting for the girl.

It was a long time before the girl looked at the time on the taxi dashboard, it was almost eleven o 'clock at night and her eyelids had begun to feel heavy. Her hand ached from all the writing that she'd done and decided that getting a little sleep might be helpful. Now that many of her questions were written down, it cleared her mind a bit and let her focus on where she was going to get the answers. She let the pencil and notepad drop to the side as her head propped itself against the window to try and fall asleep, the rhythm of the car making an almost soothing movement to help rock the curious individual to sleep.

…

The next part of this chapter, I neither confirm nor deny that this indeed happened, but from the evidence that I have gathered, eventually, Thursday Caliban had to stop the taxi at a gas station back in the city, not far from the neighbourhood where the Baudelaires' once lived. He parked at the service and began to fill the cab with gasoline when he noticed the girl's notes in the back seat. Curiosity getting the better of him, he reached into the back and took out the notes. I cannot be certain if he read each and every question the young girl had written down, but from what he has told me, the ones that haunt him the most are those about her family and what happened to her mother. His heart broke in those moments as he thought of his daughter out there, perhaps wondering the same questions and the truth about he might have "died" if Miranda had chosen to tell her so. He asked himself if he'd made the correct choice those five years ago and whether the cause was worth giving up protecting those you care about.

He pondered over this until the tank was full. He replaced the girl's notes and then went inside to pay. He then checked the telegraph for his next set of instructions on where to take this girl next. He knew it was to be somewhere safe, even if it was in the unknown.

A/N: Here's a new chapter for everyone. Holly is having a serious dilemma and her desire for answers is important, like the rest of us readers.