Howdy, guys!
First of all, Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you are having a great holiday!
And also, thank you very much for all your wishes. I love y'all! Thank you for all the great reviews too. You guys are great! Thank you for being so supportive :)
I am sorry for the late updating, I wanted and I was so close to posting something on the weekend, but I went on a little unplanned trip and didn't have much time to write and edit. But here is it, another chapter. I hope you'll like it and thanks for the patience. You all are little Dimitris :)
I also tried to write more of DPOV, don't know why, it just felt right to bring up something about him too. Plus, of course, a lot of you saif you liked thatso i thought I should give it a trt
And who knows, maybe things will be getting a little heated into the next chapter. *wink*
Do… do you miss someone?
RPOV
Everything crashes around me when he pulls away. Only when I craved more. I wanted to tell him this, to ask him why did he stop, but I was too unfazed by what happened to even open my mouth.
"We need to go, Rose."
He let go of me and left my whole body aching, missing his warmth, and lusting for more of him because I know so damn well how much he could offer. And I wanted all of it.
He made my whole body feel like it's melting, like it's made of wax, perfect for him to handle at will. And I didn't fight back. I didn't want to. I would have let him handle me just as he pleased, in all the ways he wanted. And I would have loved it.
Just with one damned kiss, he managed to do so many, made me feel so many. And oh, what a damned kiss. It was like nothing I have felt before. I think I even started to see little sparks of light at the back of my closed eyes. He got every nerve in my body to respond to him, all my senses awakened and involved in feeling him. It was all so new to me, it was so arousing, it was… but now it is over. Why did he stop? Did I do something he didn't like?
Yes, you responded to it, you idiot!
I let my confused, dreamy self be dragged along people and shops, not even caring where I am going. Because I can't focus on any of that. All I can focus is his hand tightly holding mine and oh, that kiss. I won't ever be able to forget it. Our lips pressed onto each other. His tongue playing with mine, teasing and tasting. I can still feel his aroma in my mouth and it's so sweet. And the softness of his lips and how good he was at it. Why did he stop?
I don't know, Rose… why didn't you stop him in the first place?
Because I didn't want to. Because he… Oh, gosh! What have we done? What have I done?
No, no. What has he done?
Realizing the weight of what happened, it makes me angry. Sad. Mad. I don't know. Something. My feelings are too mixed. If it's on him or on me, I can't tell. But it's not something good anyway. How could it be? Look at what we have done! At what he has done. How dare he?
I regain enough control over my senses to see that we somehow got to the underground parking lot and thankfully, there's no one on our traces. And he's still dragging me along, rushing me.
I stop and pull my hand out of his.
"What was that?"
"Rose, we don't have the tim-"
Staring at his lips moving when he speaks, I realize that I am mostly upset because he broke the kiss, not because he did it in the first place. And I am upset too that I enjoyed it too. But it's not like I can tell him that. I could never do that.
"No! Don't do that ever again!"
If he would kiss me once again, I am sure I would lose the fight with anything that is rational on this planet and only God knows what I'll end up doing.
"I had no other choice."
"Oh, really?" this is his best excuse?
"He could have seen your face. He would have turned you around and you know it. He would have recognized you."
"And why only that method worked?" there must have been at least ten other ways out of that situation.
"Yes. Public signs of affection make people look away because they feel like they have no business there. And so, he couldn't have how to recognize you."
I don't even know how to react to that. I just sit and stupidly watch him, trying to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.
So that was all? He…
Why did you even except for it to be more than it was? I bet he didn't even enjoy kissing you.
Of course, not. He saw himself obliged to do that. What was I thinking? His next words are there to confirm my thoughts.
"And don't make so much fuss out of it. You didn't seem to dislike it that much back in there."
I wasn't. I was loving it. But he'll never know this either. Especially not with the cocky attitude he just got back.
"I was shocked! How could I even react to that? You-"
The smugness in him only increases.
"Don't know, love, maybe not kiss me back?"
And he dares to come closer, invading my personal space, stealing my air once again, and even though he is not touching me at all, only his presence so close to me makes my whole body feel tingly once again. I feel too many things all of a sudden and the memory of his lips pressed on mine is not helping me much. I don't know what to do to deal with the closeness between us. Maybe I should give in and kiss him? Say to hell with it all and-
"Am I right?" he asks, eyebrow lifted, knowing so damn well he is right.
Ugh, I hate this cocky bastard!
"I did not kiss you back! You're dreaming! I so did not do that. You are just imagining things. You're delirious."
"Your tongue says this now, but didn't earlier. It was busy with other things, right?"
He knows what he felt. I know it too. And not seeing the point in arguing with him about this, knowing he is more than right, I approach another strategy.
"Couldn't you at least, I don't know, say something? At least to give me a heads up, ask me for God's sake, something!"
"I did."
"'Don't pull away' doesn't count as anything, comrade."
I hate it more than ever that he took control over all of me with such ease and I didn't have a word to say about that. He shouldn't think he is entitled to handle me to his desires. Because he is not.
"It doesn't mean I gave you my consent. Because I didn't! I didn't want that!"
DPOV
She didn't want me to do it. She didn't want me to kiss her. Then why did she want it so bad last night? Why did she respond to me? Her hands clutching on my coat definitely felt like she was trying to push me away. Her lips parting, welcoming me, surely meant that she didn't want me to kiss her. Her whole body relaxing into my arms, practically melting, that pleasurable sigh she let out, her tongue joining mine, yes, sure, of course, it all meant she didn't want me to kiss her. I got it all fucking wrong! So stupid of me to think otherwise.
Why is she lying to me? She is saying this, but her body betrayed her. Why is it so hard for her to admit it? Would it be that bad?
"It was only in your mind that I would ever respond to you! Not in a million years. You had no right to-"
Fine. If she can lie, so can I. Let's see who is better at it.
RPOV
"Don't worry. It won't happen ever again," he says coldly, taking a step back and watching me with a dark look in his eyes. "And don't flatter yourself uselessly. I didn't kiss you because I wanted to. I had to and it didn't bring me much pleasure either. Plus, you're not even my type."
I am not his type? I am not his goddamn type? Of course I am not! What his type could be, anyway? Obviously, not me. He is used to having another kind of women around. Sexy and hot and three times more undressed than me. And all falling to his knees at the littlest of his charms, ready to do whatever he pleases to and with them. Fine. I don't want to be that kind of woman. I don't want to be one more addition to his list of conquests, a fling, or another booty call of his.
And he's so not my type either! He's just a bastard, like all the guys I met my whole life and I am sick of that!
I smile crookedly at him and stop my urge to slap him.
"Amazing! Perfect! Great! I don't want to be your type anyway! I am glad I am nothing close to that! I don't ever want to be that! You're not too enjoyable either, you bastard! And you are multi-talented, too. You can talk, annoy and irritate me all at the same time, all the goddamn time! Why don't you just let me be? You would make both our lives easier. Mine at least."
He shows me another piece of his arrogance, still watching me with that superior air. Who the hell he thinks he is? He thinks he's so irresistible? Well, he's not! Yeah, that's definitely why your knees always go weak when he's around, right?
"You know that won't happen. You're kind of stuck with me for now, love."
That name again!
"You are insufferable, did you know that?! Sometimes I look at you and wonder why no one has hit you with a brick yet."
Because he surely deserves it. He is annoying me as hell.
I turn around and head away from him.
"Where are you going, love? Looking for a brick?"
"Yes! And if I find one I swear to God I am throwing it at you!"
I can hear his chuckling as he catches up with me and gets a hold of my elbow, pulling me into another direction.
"You'll get to play with bricks later. Now we need to get away from here."
Maybe in other circumstances, I could get to enjoy his cocky, sarcastic presence. But maybe not in this life. Maybe not ever.
"I can walk by myself."
I jerk my hand away and he doesn't insist on holding me.
I turn my attention to the ground and cross my arms over my chest, my feet pounding hard on the floor as I pick up the pace towards the car.
I can't help it but feel bad. So, so bad. I know that I should try to get away from him and not want to be his friend or anything else, but, I know I wanted for him to kiss me again and not act like that shitty person and tell me all that. Even though it wasn't a real kiss, just a thing he was obliged to do, it felt like so much more to me. And I instantly became addicted to it. And I hate myself for that!
He has picked another car from the wide selection we had to choose from, and we left right away. And ever since, we have been into our weird, full of tension symbiosis.
As he drives towards the hotel, my stomach begins to growl loudly but I don't want to say a thing to him, I don't want to ask him for anything, I just wrap my hands around it to muffle its sounds. I am still very upset and I want him to know that. On who, I still can't really figure it out, but I guess that mostly on myself because I can't make sense of my feelings and I hate being this confused. He shouldn't mean anything to me. He doesn't. And that kiss either. It meant nothing. Yes, and we all believe you, Rose.
He takes a left when he should have made a right but I don't ask for any explanation. I am keeping on to my promise. I am not going to speak with him yet, unless he decides to apologize for being such a dick. That's on him. It's all on him, in fact! He's the one messing with me in all the possible ways.
Three minutes later he pulls the car in front of a convenience store and decides to speak. Let's see if he will only get me madder on him.
"Our visit to the hotel just got shorter. We need to move so we are just going there to pick my things. So, is there something specific you would like to eat?" I shake my head no. He still didn't apologize, so I am not talking. "Okay. Wait for me here." Like I could ever go away. "I'll get back fast." How about not coming back ever again?
A few minutes later he comes back and hands me a paper bag that I don't open right away, I just keep it on my thighs and he takes a look at it a couple of times and then up at me, but says nothing.
As he drives again and the growling of my stomach got insupportable, I give in and take a look inside it. I see that he got us some sandwiches, bananas, and water. But there is something else in the bag, which is more than familiar to me. I get the little package out.
Always paying your debts? Is the first thought that passes through my mind, but I bite my tongue and don't ask it. He would know I know about his promise from last night and that I have been lying like hell.
"What is this?"
"Are you really wanting an answer, or are you asking just to get somewhere?"
"What is this?" I insist.
"Fine. It's that thing made from cocoa and milk and a bunch of-"
"I know what chocolate is, comrade."
"It would have been surprising for me if you wouldn't, considering how much of it you eat. But still, you asked and I didn't expect you to want a normal answer, but I didn't have another to give. So, what's the real question here?"
"Why did you buy it?"
He shrugs. "I just did. I thought you'd like to have something as a desert."
"Why this one?" Why is it my favorite one? Only my mother is allowed to buy me this.
Wow, I am starting to get as suspicious about everything as him. I am just asking him hundreds of questions about a piece of chocolate.
"Isn't that your favorite? You always used to buy lots of it and I thought that you… Was I mistaken?"
As he asks me this, on spot, I decide not to be upset on him anymore. How can I be when he does stuff like this? But why is he doing all these nice little things for me in the first place? Does he feel bad for earlier too?
Ugh, things are so weird for me! One moment I want to get away from him as far as possible and then, a second later I just want to never leave his side.
"You're right, comrade. And I have no idea how to classify this, the fact that you know that. Extremely weird or nice."
He smiles that damn smile that I began to live for, the warm and lovely one. From the first time I saw it yesterday night, I can't get enough of it. What did I do now to deserve it? Ah, who cares?
"I am going to let it pass this time too and say that it's very considerate of you. But you have to admit that it is extremely weird that you know so many things about me." While I know so little.
"It's my job to know."
"Yeah. But it's still weird."
I open one little chocolate from the pack and extend it to him, deciding to share it with him, now that he has been nice. I can try to be that too.
After considering things for a second he takes it, and finishes it in two bites.
"It's really good." He comes to a conclusion.
"What? Haven't you ever eaten some?"
He shrugs. "I never bothered with sweets."
"Not even as a kid?" he shakes his head no. "Okay, comrade, what kid doesn't like sweets? Are you from another planet or something?"
"I didn't."
Or maybe he was too busy with other things, such as learning how to kill, to bother with sweets. What other things did he miss as a kid?
Silence falls in between us, but I need to say one more thing.
"Thanks, comrade."
He smiles again, but this time more to himself. Maybe he's proud of himself that he managed to mend things with me a little. Let's see how long this will last.
"You are welcome, Rose."
As I wait for him to put my new stuff in his bag, where I am more than sure that they will catch his scent (but hey, who minds about that?), I study the plushy carpet into the room, and I see a little black piece of something in between its locks.
I go pick it up and he gets curious too as I study it.
"What is this, comrade? It's so little."
He takes it from me and starts mumbling in Russian, a deep frown between his brows.
"What happened now? What's that? Is it bringing us any trouble?"
"No. But it could have saved us from some today."
"How?"
He sighs and puts it into his pocket. "Back at the mall…"
Oh. So that little thing is his precious jammer? Damn, the technology these guys have.
But now I can't sit and be in awe of that. Because I get mad in an instant. I cross my arms and look at him, thinking if I should hit him or just scold him.
"Should I say something, comrade? Like, I told you so?"
He nods. "If it will make you feel better, then say it."
Oh, someone is so penitent all of a sudden. Where is his accusing, untrusting attitude now?
"It's not fun anymore if you're letting me say it."
I want to go away, to not see his face anymore, to not be remembered of that thing, but he stops me and turns me to face him.
"Rose…"
"What?"
He opens his mouth, but I don't let him speak.
"I told you I didn't get rid of it! You gave me the coat outside. The jammer was in here all along. Would it have killed you to believe me?"
"You're right. It wasn't your fault. And I am sor-
"No. It's okay, comrade. You don't have to apologize. I know you trust no one, you just told me that today. And hell, why would you trust me, out of nowhere? I am a no one to you after all. But…" I stop for a second to gulp down my tears because he doesn't have to know how much his distrust hurt me today. "Maybe you could have at least trust me with that, comrade. I trusted you with my life after all."
I get out of the room and wait for him on the sofa.
So, day number three of running around, another motel we get to, another side of the town, another place for us to quarrel into. Let's see what this place will bring.
It's at least a good thing that this town is big enough for us to move freely from one side to another without people getting suspicious about anything. I must admit that it's pretty tiring for me to go these distances with the car, and we spent about two hours on road this time, but it's what we have to do to make our possible followers' lives hard. What's annoying me is that some guys still manage to find us. But I hope that not anymore. I want a moment of peace after what happened today.
But I wonder for how long we are going to play this game of switching places. He said that he should get new orders. Do those orders include me too? And if they do, would I like for those to include me? I have a bad feeling that I wouldn't. And I have a bad feeling too that he just can't wait to get rid of me. Me too. But I believe we're not thinking about the same solution.
But wait a second. There was another option he was talking about and I didn't get the chance to hear it as our conversation was rudely interrupted by those men. Maybe that option can give me some hope.
And instead of lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling as I have been doing for the last half an hour, getting bored out of my mind in this silence, I decide I should try to get some more information from him. It annoys me very much not knowing what will happen next. And with him, you never know. And he likes keeping me that way.
I turn only my gaze in his direction, not moving my head, looking at him with the corner of my eye, so that he won't sense that I am kind of spying on him. I have always wondered how is he when no one is watching. How is the man he is when he's alone? Or with someone he's familiar with. Too bad that maybe I'll never know because him and I are far from being familiar.
He is sitting on the sofa on the other side of the small room we are into, with his legs extended on it, the left one over the other, this position making him look even taller than he already is. Who would have thought this is possible? Well, maybe the too little for him sofa helps too.
But even though, I don't know how he does it, he still manages to look graceful, even though all he does is to lay there and move his hand from time to time, flipping the pages of that thick novel he is reading, and his eyes are moving left and right on the pages.
Oh, and he just passed a hand through his hair, which is unclasped and barely touching his shoulders now, and it gave it that controlled messy look that looks so goddamn good on him. Ugh, why does he have to look like such a bad boy? And why does he have to be so good at it? Oh, he just did it again!
I swear I might sound crazy right now, but I so want to get out of this bed and do that thing too, to pass my hands through his hair and see how it feels. And not only once. Maybe a thousand times. He has done that to me so many times as he was calming me, but I never got the chance.
But despite my urge, I don't do it because it would be completely out of line. Maybe he wouldn't even like it. Of course he wouldn't. I am not his type, right? And how on earth could he like me to touch him?
Instead, I watch him some more, like the creepy stalker I am turning into. But I swear I like studying him. What if I see something new this time?
He is moving slowly and he looks so calm and relaxed, just like there is no worry in his world, just like he doesn't have anything else to do besides reading that book. And somehow, he hasn't anything to do, as I decided to stay put and he just has to wait for something to happen.
Is this all he does all the time, besides killing people left and right? Waits? No wonder he is such a patient man. But hell, doesn't he get bored? Lonely too? His life must be getting really lonely, no matter how much he says he likes it that way. Which human doesn't need another human's company?
You forget something, Rose. He has as much company as he desires. Especially in bed.
Fine, whatever, but what about when he's not in bed with a woman or more of them, doing all kind of stuff, or whatever? How does he deal with having to be so many different people? With always having to be away from people and always having to be someone else, never himself? For how many people he is the real him? Is he ever the real him around someone?
Pff, like he'd ever answer me this question. So, I would better go back to my other question, the one he might answer me to, as I really need to know what the other thing he is waiting to happen is.
"Hey."
He looks at me fast, like I caught him unprepared. Wow, I didn't think I could see him like this, even if it was only for a second. But I will give it to him. He may have thought I was asleep because this is what I have been trying to do for quite long, but without any success, no matter how still I tried to be and how much I tried to ignore the constant buzzing in my head.
"What happened?"
"You know, back at the mall, before we got interrupted, you were telling me something," I say as I get to one side to face him.
"Yes. What about that?"
I get up and place my tingly feet on the wooden floor, moving my toes up and down, trying to get rid of that needle stinging your skin sensation I got from not moving my legs for the past couple of minutes.
"You didn't get to tell me the other option. What else are we waiting for?"
"I am waiting for people to bid on what your boyfriend has."
Hearing him say that, I almost snap up to my feet.
"My what?" I throw him the ugliest look I can pull. "He is not my boyfriend. Not after all of this thing and all the things he did before. He's dead to me."
"Sorry. I know that, of course. It just slipped. I didn't mean to..."
Yeah, I know how it is. I sometimes catch myself calling him like that in my head too. I think I got used to him.
"It's fine. But… when is he planning to sell it?"
"Maybe any day now. Just yesterday he made it available and people already started bidding for it."
Wow, things on the black market move fast.
"But how? He doesn't have it, right? Or does he? Then, why would he even bother to try to reach me for the past month?"
What did he want from me if not his precious object? Just to pin everything on me? I so want to know that. The curiosity is practically killing me. I have always liked mysteries. Not when I am actively involved in one, but still. Xavier is another man I can't understand, just like the guy in front of me.
What is it with spies and this shadiness of their actions? Can't they, for once, be honest? I already know plenty and I'll die anyway, so why bother keeping things from me?
"Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore Rose," he responds and for a second, I can feel the tiredness in his voice.
I can feel that he is as tired as I am of this situation. But I know that he won't give up on this that easily. He doesn't seem the type to do so. I know he will get to the bottom of this, one way or another. If there is someone capable to figure this out, he is the man. I just hope that I will still be around to find out the truth.
"Okay. Let's assume he has it."
Even though I have the hunch he doesn't. I can feel it in my guts that he is just bluffing, thinking that he might fool the Russian. But who would ever be able to fool him? Look at him. I bet he is able to smell a scam from miles away.
"Why now? I mean, why isn't he laying low until things settle? Then, he can go and get rid of it later, right? It would be easier this way. He can sell it later too. He just has to wait for a little longer."
"Not really. Too many people know about that thing now and they know that either you have it or he does. The same men that are coming for you are going after him too. So, the faster he gets rid of it, the faster he can get rid of all the people who want it and are not willing to pay to have it. After this, he won't have to deal with them anymore, being free to do anything he wishes. It would be the responsibility of the new possessor to take care of the others."
Well, this makes a lot of sense. I haven't thought about this possibility. But, what is he selling if he doesn't have it? Things make sense for me this way: if he is selling it, he has to have it. How can he give it away if the memory card isn't in his possession?
"And so, this means that he has to have it, no? This seems logical. He wouldn't try to sell it if he wouldn't have it."
"Yeah, maybe he has it. But maybe he doesn't."
Yeah, that's the catch: that we don't know. And if he really doesn't have it, this only means that I must have it because he made it pretty obvious that day that there was something he wanted to take from me. And the times match perfectly. He stole that thing a month ago and all those stupid things happened some days after his arrival from Moscow. The only question remaining to be answered is what I did with it.
DPOV
She is again putting her hair up into a bun, and I so wish I would stop her. Why does she have to do it all the time? Doesn't she know she looks so damn good with her hair down?
"And what if I still have it, even though I have no idea where is it? He's... still going to come after me."
There is fear in her voice, I can clearly feel it. Is she that afraid of Haynes? What else did he do to her? In how many ways did he hurt her? I would like to know what was the cheek he slapped her onto. I would love to bruise his in return. Maybe I'll bruise them both, so there won't be any doubting. That bastard.
"Don't you worry about that, love." I'll surely be around to pay him back. For everything.
"Why not?"
"As long as you're with me, you don't have to. I assure you of that."
"You won't try to use me as bait?"
"I already tried that, right?" she nods. "And how has it worked out?"
"Not good."
"Yeah." so, I am not endangering her once more.
"Then?"
"Then what?"
"I don't know… Why do you keep me around then?"
Good question. I don't know the answer to it half of the times I am asking myself this. Maybe just because I want her to be safe. I'll do my best.
"Why do you think?"
"Don't know. That's why I asked. Maybe you're trying to have the upper hand in some way?"
"Have you ever thought I am keeping you around just because I enjoy your presence?"
I even began to like bickering with her. How crazy is this? But having her around is way better than being in this alone. Even if we're quarreling, even if she's drunk, even if she's yelling at me, even if she's lying to me, even if she's not speaking to me at all. Having her around, for whatever reason, feels good.
She rolls her eyes, not trusting me again.
"Oh, the sarcasm, comrade. Don't tell me if you don't want it, but don't make fun of me."
And she lies back down, plopping onto her back with a sigh.
RPOV
Later the day, as the sun begins to set, I get bored out of my mind. For real. It is getting insupportable. And all my entertainment resumes to the flat screen on the wall of which I have searched all the channels and found nothing. Three times now, until he asked me what I was searching for and finally decided to turn it off and resume to blankly stare at the walls.
But what is frustrating me most right now is that I am not doing anything to make me feel alive while I am still breathing. I don't do any of the things that were making me happy before. No running, as it would be dangerous to be outside, I don't have Ash around, I'm not doing any yoga, because let's be honest. Russian guy over here is already making me uncomfortable enough with the way he's looking at me when he's checking on me to see if I am not up to any new stupidity and all I need now is for him to see me doing a downward-facing dog or any pose that would imply me lifting my ass for him to gaze upon. I can't enjoy my music either, I can't do anything but lie here, and miss so many other little pleasures that I wasn't conscious about before. Like really, I would kill for my vanilla scented shower gel. I would do anything for one of my books.
But hey. Maybe I can do something about that last thing. I get an idea. I get up to my butt in an instant.
"Comrade?"
He lifts his head out of the book he's reading, lucky bastard.
"Yes? What happened?"
"Do you happen to have um… other books with you? Like, ones I could understand?"
"Sure, but… you'll see."
He gets up and out of his endless bag, he takes out another book. Like really. I see that the bag is big, but where do all those things fit in? Anyway. I am glad he had it on him.
I get on the sofa, on the other side of his spot, my legs crossed, and wait for him to give me the book.
Before handing it to me, he stops in front of me and smiles, amused by something I don't understand.
"What?"
"I think this book will suit you."
"Why?"
"Here. See for yourself."
He gives me the book and as I see its title, I get it. "The little cowboy.". It even has a suggestive drawing on its cover. And maybe I should be the one smiling for the fact that he has such a book on him, but I get why he was amused earlier. Because it's a children's book.
"Ha, ha. Very funny, comrade." I try to seem serious, but even I smile.
But you know what? At least I have something to do.
"Hey, if you don't like it, I can take it away."
"The hell you are."
I cuddle the book to my chest and show him his place, waiting for him to sit.
After that, I take a better position too and want to delight myself with reading. But as I open it, I feel its scent. The book is really old and I can't help but love how it smells. I bring it closer to my nose and breathe in deeply closing my eyes and enjoy.
"What are you doing?"
I snap out of it and put the book down.
"Huh? What am I doing?"
"Why were you smelling that book?"
"Um… because I like how old books smell?"
He looks at me like I would be crazy. But I am not.
"Haven't you ever tried it?"
"I don't usually spend my time smelling books, Rose."
DPOV
"Then why won't you try it?"
She extends the book to me.
"I am not doing that."
"Why not? Come on. You think I am weird for doing it. At least give it a try to understand why."
She almost gives me the puppy eyes again as she puts the book on my thighs.
"Come on, comrade. Only you and I will know you did it, if you think it will affect your reputation," she says smiling. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."
Saying this, she makes me remember of last night, when she called me sweet. How come I got from that to being a jerk to her again?
"Please?" she even gets a little of that flirty looks she gave me last night.
"Fine, if you insist…"
My answer brings a little smile on her face and she now watches me expectantly.
So I take the book, open it and bring it up, close to my nose and take a deep breath in, mimicking what she has done before, letting that supposedly nice smell reach my nostrils.
And as that happens, as I feel the weird, pleasant, somehow oddly familiar mixture between, I'll say some faint coffee accents, a hint of vanilla, mixed with a tang of something acid or maybe some mustiness, my mind drags me back to a lot of years ago. Back to when I was a kid.
This smell reminds me of my mother. I remember seeing her, sitting in her armchair, opening a book and do the same as Rose did, bringing it up to her nose and enjoying the old smell with her eyes closed. And I remember the little me going up to her and ask her why she's doing it. Smiling, she picks me up on her lap and encourages me to do the same, letting me fall in love with that sensation of feeling the essence of the old book.
The memory is so vivid that I can still feel my mother's palm resting on my thigh. The fire in the fireplace warming my cheeks. The smell of hot chocolate and the goods she used to cook all around the house. The feeling of her lips resting on my forehead. The sound of my sisters playing around us.
Everything is so vivid that it physically hurts me to remember it. I can feel it starting in my plexus and expanding throughout my whole body, making me lose my breath for a second.
How come I never remembered this before?
"What happened, comrade?" Rose distracts me and squeezes on my thigh too. "Did you like it too much?" she asks with an amused tone.
"Nothing. Nothing happened."
"So, you didn't like it?" she now gets disappointed.
Oh, Rose. You have no idea how much I liked it. I loved it. Even though it hurt so bad. I am glad that she made me do it.
"No. I liked it."
"You did?" her voice gets excited now and her eyes glowing.
"Yes, love. I liked it."
RPOV
He says he liked it, but I swear his face tells me otherwise. He, for once, was so out of it and his face even got paler and for a second, I was afraid he might faint or something. I thought I was the one to do that, not him.
And after he gives me that impersonal toned answer, he puts the book aside, gets up and heads straight to the bathroom. Maybe that smell got him sick or something, I don't know. But it definitely didn't do him much good.
As I wait for him to come back, I open the book and see that on its first page, it has some words written in Russian. I wonder what that means. If I would ask him, would he tell me? Probably not.
DPOV
After I wash my face with cold water and regain control over my senses, I get back in there.
Rose is still on the sofa, and she doesn't give me much attention as I take a seat back on the sofa, next to her. Either she is too absorbed of that story, or she is trying to not say anything about what happened before, for which I am more than glad.
But as I try to focus on my book, I keep on getting distracted by her, my eyes keeping on moving away from the lines of text in front of me, towards her.
I hope she likes that book. But her expression is enough for me to know she is. As she's biting her bottom lip, focused on what's happening there, she gets smiling a little. And I have never seen this at her, but she starts playing with a strand of her hair, rounding it on her finger. Maybe it's a little tick of hers. I'd like to be the one doing that.
But after a while, after I study her stupidly, unable to look away, she senses that I am watching her. Shit. She lifts her head and watches me.
"What?" she asks me frowning.
Nothing love. I was just wondering how come you can look so beautiful. Especially with that little smile on her lips.
"Don't you need your glasses to read?"
"Not really. I… it's a long story."
I look at her questioningly and she shakes her head no lightly.
"I have all night to listen to it."
Seeing me insisting, she sighs.
"It may be stupid, but… I only used to wear them because…" why does this subject make her so uneasy? "Because they belonged to one of my… friends. To my best friend. He um…" she looks away and her eyes get a little teary. "He… he died and those glasses were his and kind of like, the last thing I had that reminded me of him."
Oh, no. And what have I done to them? I threw them away. That's why she reacted like that, you idiot!
One tear falls on her cheek and she wipes it hastily.
"I'm sorry. It may be stupid, I know… but…" her voice gets strangled and she stops.
I put my hand over hers, squeezing, not knowing what else to do to comfort her.
"Roza, missing someone is not stupid."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
My answer makes her smile a little, and I expect her to ask me that question of hers again, of me knowing them all, but instead, she asks me something else.
RPOV
"Do… do you miss someone?" I dare ask him.
His grip on my palm gets a little tighter as he smiles sadly.
"Don't we all?"
He asks me that and it takes me by surprise that he let his façade slip. He sounded so hurt to say these words. Who does he miss? And how bad?
But I don't get the chance to ask something else because he gets back to being him and changes the subject. Well, our moment lasted too long maybe.
"But, if it makes you feel better, it's better this way."
"What is better this way?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes, love."
"What about me?"
He brings his hand up, walking his thumb under my eye, wiping a stray tear.
"You have such beautiful eyes. You shouldn't keep them covered under those big glasses. You can see your eyes better like this. You shouldn't keep them covered. It was a pity not to see them."
His words make my whole face burn. My whole body.
"I um… thanks," I say looking down and he laughs lightly at my reaction, then pulls his hand away.
"And I am sorry I had to take them away from you, but…"
"I get it. You had to. I am not holding anything against you."
"Fine. Then…" he scratches the back of his head. "I'll… I'll let you read." and with that weirdness in his tone, he gets back to his place and his book.
Okay. Am I the only one who thinks that was way more than weird?
I decide not to ask any questions and get back to reading myself, but the book was short and I finish it in a couple of minutes.
And after that, I remain with the book open on my thighs and focus my attention on him. Again, getting back to being a stalker.
Why is he shifting between being a nice guy and not? Who is the real him anyway? The nice, caring man he just was, or the cocky bastard? Both? Neither? Is this just a role he is playing? Does he enjoy playing all these different characters?
Who is the real him?
What if he is a loving husband in his day to day life? Does he have a wife at home waiting for him? Kids too? Is that just another cover of his? Is there, somewhere, a poor woman helplessly in love with him, waiting for him to come back, that will one day end up just like I did, dragged into such a mess? Does he even love her? Is she the one he misses?
Did he ever play the fierce CEO role? Did he do his secretary on his big, fancy desk? Why, would you like to have been her? Of course not! It's not like I ever imagined… Stop it!
What about a geek? Has he ever been that? I can't help a little chuckle escaping my lips as I imagine him wearing a crocheted vest and a pair of glasses. Hell, he'd look hot even in that!
Ah, he would be able to pull all these roles without the littlest of effort. He'd be so good at them all. He'd be so good at being a bad boy one second and in the next one the sweetest of them all.
But how is the real him? Is he the warm man he has been at times been with me? Is he capable of more than that? Is he only a man that treats women like shit? Is the one that I see now just a role? I can't help but wonder how it's the real him. It's nagging me that I don't know.
Does the real him like dusters and reads westerns or is this just something Sebastian would do? How far is he willing to take it? What are his principles? His limits? How far would he go to fool someone? Would he get a cowboy hat if he should get that deep into the character?
The thought of him wearing one makes me smile again.
"What's so funny?"
Oh, shit!
"Nothing. Just… the book. It's funny."
"You weren't reading it when you started chuckling. Twice. So it can't be the book."
He saw me? Both times? He knows I was staring at him? And me who I thought I was being stealthy. Of course you weren't! You were chuckling like an idiot. Even a three years old would sense something is wrong.
"It's nothing. I just remembered something funny from the story."
"Really, love?"
I shrug.
"Can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Do you… have any morals?" it's the first question that pops into my mind when I think about changing the subject.
"What?"
"Do you have any morals?"
"I do."
"Really?"
"Yes. I do. Is it that hard to believe?"
Kind of. Sometimes it is, considering what he does.
"And when do you have morals?"
His lips curl slightly, not liking my question.
"On Sundays, love. Sometimes on Wednesdays too." I just look at him amazed. He's for real? "It really depends."
"On what?"
"On who I am with." He says it with such a suggestive tone that makes me shiver.
"You're messing with me."
"When you ask questions like that, it's hard not to, love."
Okay, I'll give him that. Considering my question, a sarcastic answer is just what I deserved. But oh, the suggestion behind those words… How come I keep on putting myself in these situations?
And to avoid his eyes and other similar suggestions, I get reading that little book again.
But after I finish it again, I turn his way once more and I want to say something but I stop once again.
"What's the matter now? Say it already. You have been struggling with it for the last minute. And you have been doing this all day long. Just say it already. What's bothering you?"
"I am bored. Like, really, really bored. I don't know…"
"Do you think that I might get the chance to get out for a run? Or a walk?" I even use my puppy eye on him.
He shakes his head.
"That is not possible."
"Yeah, I thought so. But I had to try, at least."
He lets me again sit on my ass, and I continue to puff displeased, hoping that I am sending a clear message that I don't like this situation.
But nooo. He doesn't get it.
So I decide to get back to being annoying, maybe I'll get something from him.
I take the remote and start changing the channels again, looking for the littlest piece of entertainment.
"Would you stop that?"
"But there is nothing to see."
"You are not even looking, that fast you're changing the channels."
"I don't need to look to know there is nothing to entertain me."
"That's what you need? Entertainment?"
"Maybe… I mean, I feel the need to move, to do something. I would usually consume my energy running in the mornings or in the evenings but now, being kept inside for the past three days, I have all this energy I don't know how to use. I don't know what to do. And you're not letting me go out."
He lets me boil for another minute or so, then gets up and gets again to his bag. Damn, he has a thing for that, right?
He comes back in front of me, holding a pair of sweats and a blouse of mine.
"Here. Put these on."
"Why?"
"Do you want to consume that energy somehow or not?"
"I guess I do, but-"
What does he propose? I bet that our ways of spending energy don't really match. I bet his involve a bed. And yours doesn't? Of course not!
"Then go change and stop putting all these questions. You'll find out soon."
So, with curiosity nagging my brain, I shut up and go change into the bathroom. Like this, I won't be seen by him again topless.
When I get out of the bathroom, I see that he has changed his clothes too. He's wearing sportswear too and he's… stretching?
Okay. What are we going to do anyway? Don't know, but I bet you hope it would be tiring. And maybe involving a bed? Oh, brain, shut the hell up! Don't you dare make me think of that!
Oh, who the hell cares? Look at him. I could do it all day long. How could you not get all kinds of kinky thoughts when you see him like this? He's so tall. And well built, those perfectly sculpted muscles flexing under the tightness of his so well fitted blouse, muscles that he knows so well how to use. I wonder in how many ways.
He's handsome as hell too now, dressed all in black and moving so slow and deliberately, that I can see him in all his glory. He is perfect in so many ways it's annoying. Too bad his attitude spoils things. All the things.
But why the hell am I even thinking about this? I shouldn't care about how he looks, I shouldn't give a damn about how he acts. I should not think about him, period. In any way. I will not. I will not think again about the way he touched me, about how much I wanted him to kiss me again. I shouldn't, but God, don't I do that often?
I see a hand wiggling in front of my eyes. I immediately get out of my head and see him in front of me. When did he get here?
"What were you thinking about?" I can sense the curiosity in his voice.
You. I was thinking about you, goddamnit. So much more than I should.
"Nothing. I um…"
I raise my eyes and as I see him looking back at me, I begin feeling like he knows what I was thinking about because there's an amused expression stuck to his face. And I pray he doesn't. Please don't.
"Nothing. I was thinking about anything important. Did you say something?"
"Yes. I asked you what you want to eat later."
"Whatever. It doesn't matter." It's not like I could think of something as unimportant like food now.
I walk past him and take in our surroundings, looking around the room, searching for my dignity because I know I was shamelessly checking him out.
I see that he has gotten out the mattress off the bed.
"What is this for?"
"I am teaching you how to fight."
He is?
I turn around to face him.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because your pepper spray won't always save you."
"Yeah, right. But, I don't know, aren't you afraid I will use your techniques against you?"
At this, he laughs lightly.
"It's not like you will become the master of kung fu in half an hour, Rose."
"Will you teach me kung fu?"
He laughs once again.
"It was just a matter of speaking. I don't know. We just have all this free time and you said you were bored and that you would like to move a little. And I thought that you might like to know how to take care of yourself."
Yeah, it would be a good idea if I ever get out of this alive.
"Fine. Why not? What do we start with?"
"Let's get over some basics first."
I follow him on the mattress.
"Like?"
"First, there's one rule you need to remember. The most important one."
"And what is that?"
"Always, always, be prepared for anything."
"That's easier said than done, right?"
He shrugs. "Well, you can't always be prepared for everything, but you should at least expect things."
"Okay. I'll keep that in mind. What else?"
"Let's get to fighting. When you're in a confrontation, you only have a few seconds and a few moves to try before the fight is decided. So you need to think and move fast."
"Well, that's quite hard for someone as inexperienced as me."
"I think you could manage, love."
"How come?"
He smiles for the first time since he started this little training class, which makes me relax a little. I thought he'd be this serious all the time. That would have made me uptight all the time.
"You have quite a strong will. That helps too."
Oh, I remember what I did each time he tried to get a hold of me. I guess he's right after all. That makes me smile too.
"But remember. Before an attacker has gained full control of you, you must do everything you can to inflict injury so you can get away."
"And how do I do that?"
"There are some ways. Like, shot to the liver. You know where that is, right?"
"Do I look that stupid to you, comrade?"
"Hey, no offence, love. You'd be surprised how many people have no idea where that is."
"Well, I know," I respond still being upset.
"Look. If you're going to stay upset with me for that, tell me now so that we can end things here. I want you to focus on learning things, not on being upset."
"But I am not upset."
"Yes, and I am believing you. Being upset won't help you focus. You need your mind to be clear."
Well, that would be difficult anyway. How can I have my mind clear when he is already so close to me and I know for sure that soon we'll be touching?
"Fine, I won't continue to be upset with you."
"So you were upset."
"Fine, I was, alright? I don't like it when people think I am stupid." and all my life people have thought so. Especially someone.
"But I don't think such a thing."
"Then why did you ask me where is the goddamn liver?"
"There's no ending with you, love, isn't it?" he asks me amused. "Look. I didn't try to insinuate anything, I swear. Now, should we go back to what we were doing, or shall we stop?"
"No. We won't stop. I want you to teach me."
"Good. And now, let's get back to where we were. You could aim too for the parts of the body where you can do the most damage with the littlest of effort. Do you think you can name any?"
"Oh, I didn't know I would be getting many questions too. Will I be getting a grade too at the end of this?"
Again, he smiles, and it's making me feel a little bit better. It's nice that we're creating a more relaxed atmosphere, right? I definitely need it.
"Only if you want to, love."
"Nah, I think I am better off without."
I bet that he is quite an exigent teacher. I only hope I won't be breaking my neck trying to make him proud of me.
"So?"
"I don't know...the eyes?" He nods.
"Sure. Poking someone in the eye might seem just like a kid's thing. But it helps. Besides causing a lot of pain, this should also make your escape easier by at least temporarily interfering with their vision."
"Yeah, but I am so little. How can I do all this? What if they put their hands in the way? I have no leverage there." and especially not while fighting him. He is one foot taller than me.
"But you do. Size doesn't matter."
"I think it does. A lot."
"Yes, you're right, in fact. It does."
And I swear I want to try to punch him now for what he's doing, or at least I know I should, but I am finding his gesture more cute than annoying. He smiles and puts his hand on the top of my head, ruffling my hair, just like a big brother would. Only my father and Mase ever did this, but I don't think I would mind if he'd do it again.
"You can reach better some points if you are little. You're in advantage here, not them."
"How come?"
"No matter your size, weight, or strength in relation to your opponent, you can defend yourself by strategically using your body and the simple law of physics."
"Oh, I didn't know we would get this scientific, comrade."
"We won't go that deep into it, don't worry. But the basic principle is that one and that's how a smaller person is able to defeat a larger one."
"Okay… What else?"
"You tell me. Come on. The easy stuff anyone knows. Don't think too much. Where could you hit someone and hurt them?"
"The groin area." how come didn't I think to hit him there until now?
"Good. Something else."
Why do I like it so much that he's praising me? And he's not even saying much, for God's sake. I didn't get this feeling from any of my teachers. I only want to give him the right answers so I would hear more good words from him. So I start scratching my brain.
"Oh, the nose! I know it makes your eyes water."
"Yes, that's really good. You could use the heel of your palm to strike up under their nose."
He takes my hand in his (oh, here we go; we're already starting the touching part?) and positions it just as he explained, with the heel of my palm facing upward, keeping my fingers bent, and guides it towards his nose.
"See? And the smaller you are, the better you can get an aim. Just make sure to throw the whole weight of your body into the move to cause the most pain."
I let him handle my body some more and he turns me around and even pulls me closer to him, my back so close to touching his chest.
"And if someone is behind you, you can strike his nose with your elbow."
He slides his palm down on my upper arm and lifts my elbow, slowly dragging it backward. To see what he's doing, I turn my head in that direction too. But when I do that, I am millimeters away from making contact with his face. I can feel so well his breath on my cheek, but to hell if I am pulling away.
And his lips are so close to my ear as he continues to speak.
"Either way, aim for the nasal bones."
Letting go of my already heated, trembling body, I turn to face him, and I have suddenly lost my ability to look him in the eyes. I don't think I can do this anymore. I wanted to learn, but he… I can't stand him touching me like this. I am afraid I might want more. Uh-oh. Wrong. You do want more.
"Tell me another area."
And now I shrug.
"I don't know any other areas." my brain is not functioning anymore.
"Okay. There would be the ears too, the neck, and moving down, the knees and legs."
"Wouldn't the knee hurt badly? Couldn't you break it?"
"Isn't that the point?"
"Yes, right." I am not used to thinking about how I could hurt people.
"The knee is an ideal target, vulnerable from every angle and easily kicked without risk of your foot being grabbed. And it's another thing to your advantage again. Because if your attacker is taller than you, it will take him longer to bend for you and catch your foot or anything."
Wow. I never thought I could use my littleness to my advantage. No one has ever shown me how. I think I like him a little more for this.
"You could try this too. Cup your hands and slam your palm into the opponent's ear to send in a blast of air, pressurizing the ear canal. This stunts them and will be throwing them off their balance."
And again, he slowly takes my hands in his, giving them the proper form and brings them up over his ears, showing me how to do it.
When he lets them rest there for a couple of seconds, we get to stare into each other's eyes for those seconds, and I don't know what else to do but plaster a silly smile on my face, which he reciprocates, of course, without looking silly.
I can't believe I am allowed to be touching him for so long. It's bliss. I would move my fingers too, I swear, as I want again to feel what sensations his hair may give to my skin, but I am doing my best to keep myself composed. It would be so wrong. But so good.
He's the one who speaks first, as he takes my hands off his face.
"If you hit hard and fast enough you can even rupture their eardrum."
"How do you even know so many things? Is there a book on it?"
He smiles. "No, there isn't. That's just stuff you learn."
"In spy school?"
"I told you-"
"Yes, I know. But I don't know how else to call it so let me call it like that, comrade."
"Fine. You can call it like that."
"And, what else did you learn in spy school?"
Maybe how to twist women's minds helplessly? Because this is what I think he's doing to me now. Ah, don't you act like you don't like it.
"There would be this too. A weak blow to the vagus nerve, located here…"
He now places my palm on his neck, slightly below the ear, letting me feel his steady heartbeat, which is so different than mine, as my heart started racing a long time ago and it hasn't stopped ever since.
"This will result in intense pain," he speaks softly, like he wouldn't even be speaking of how to hurt someone. "A stronger blow will result in syncopes. Or death. You need to be careful with this move."
Oh, no. I don't want to kill anyone.
"But you don't have to worry about that," he rushes to add, seeing the frown on my face. "It takes a lot of force for that."
"Did you kill someone like this?"
"Yeah, I did."
How many people did he kill? Do you really want to know?
"Also, a hit to the solar plexus can knock the air out of your opponent, giving you an upper hand, or time to flee."
"Where is that?"
"Here."
He puts his hand just under my breasts, his palm spread on my upper abdomen, and his thumb finds the bottom of my sternum, lightly pressing on it.
"Do you feel it?"
I nod. Oh, how well I feel it. Every nerve in my body feels it.
"Okay. Your turn now."
"No, I got it whe-"
"Rose…"
Oh, I don't think I can do this. Doing this will only remind me of the way I was touching him last night.
"Give me your hand."
"I um… it's okay. I'll do it."
Biting on my tongue and gathering my courage to touch him, I move. I do the same thing as he did, placing my palm on his abdomen, and in the second I do that, I feel his muscles contract under me, his breath catching.
Maybe I am tickling him from how slow I am moving. Yes, that's definitely it.
Okay, so I need to finish with it fast. I press my thumb on him and move it upward, until I find the edge of his sternum.
"This is it, right?"
"Yes."
"Good."
Now I can get my hand back, which I do right away. One more second and it would have been too much. For both of us.
"Okay, good. I think I am done with the basics. Now we should move on to something else. Easier too."
And looking at me now, he chuckles.
"What's funny?"
"I think you would be the best on this topic."
"At what? Why?"
"Let's say that although it might seem ineffective to some, while fighting, shouting can knock an attacker off his track, opening up the opportunity for you to escape or to fight."
"Hey!" I punch his upper arm, smiling too.
"Well, you have some good lungs, Rose. And this will definitely work to your advantage. Your attackers surely don't appreciate loud noise. It attracts attention. Plus, it could help you with summoning your courage."
"Then, you bet I will use this. Plenty."
On his lips appears an even wider smile. Oh, how I like it to say stuff that make him smile. I even began to rack my brain to find some funny stuff to say just to see it again.
"I am sure you will, love. And now, the most effective thing you could do is the most simple one."
"What?"
"Run."
"Really? No special thing? No kung fu thing, no nothing?"
"No. It's the easiest way out if you can't really beat your opponent down."
"Well, I am pretty good at that too."
"Of course you are. How could I miss it when you're always wanting to run away from me?"
"Oh, come on. It wouldn't have been fun for you either if I gave up easily, right?"
"Yeah, you're quite inventive, love."
And we both take a few seconds to laugh, this scene making it seem like we're some longtime friends. And to be honest, it feels nice to be so relaxed around him. To allow myself to see him as something else rather than my kidnapper. As something close to a friend. Wouldn't that be nice?
"Okay, now, I guess we could-"
"What about using a knife? Wouldn't that make my life easier?"
"No, love. We won't use knives."
"Why? You seem pretty good with it." I bet he is some kind of master with that. "You don't trust me with sharps objects?"
"Honestly? No."
"Why? You're afraid I might get hurt?" and considering how sloppy I have been around him, who could change his opinion?
"Maybe. But I think I am more afraid of what you'll want to do to me."
"Let's not take it that far, comrade. I can barely touch you with my fist. On my last check, you are fast as hell. And I am not. So?"
"Let's take it one step at a time."
"So you're not saying no to knives?"
"Yes. But I am not promising you anything."
"Nice. What do we do next?"
"I guess we practice."
"Already?"
This will only involve more touching. I don't think I am ready for all that physical contact. What we have done already was enough to make my blood pump faster. What are we going to do next?
"Well, yes. I think we're done with the theory."
"Very well. Then, let's do it." and see how long it takes me until I faint from his hands and scent around me.
And as he starts showing me ways in which someone might try catch me and how to get out of there, each time he uses some more fancy thing on me that involves my falling to the ground, he doesn't do it all the way.
I thought that I was just imagining it the first couple of times, but he just did it again. He has just kept me on my feet, before my ass reached the ground and lifted me.
He doesn't let me fall at all!
"Why are you doing this?"
"Do what? Why I am teaching you to fight? I thought that-"
"No. Not that. This thing of you keeping me on my feet all the time. Are you afraid you'll go too far and hurt me?" I ask sarcastically and cross my hands over my chest.
It kinda pisses me off that he might see me as a fragile little girl that would start whining at the littlest of falls. On a goddamn mattress!
"Mostly." He looks at me concerned and brings his hand over my upper arm, reminding me of some of the bruises on me. "You're bruised enough, love."
But I am not going to give up on that. I don't want to be handled with kid gloves. I want to learn it all the hard way. The proper way.
"Well, you shouldn't be afraid of that. Now come on. Fight me properly. Like I am one of your usual partners. Don't act like I am made of glass. Let me fall. Hit me a little. I am letting you do it. I won't break."
He crosses his arms over his chest too, mimicking my posture, indicating to me that he won't do it. Which annoys me further.
"Come on, comrade. We're on a mattress. What bad can it happen to me if I fall on it?"
"To be honest, I only got it out in case I don't manage to catch you."
I am almost trembling from how angry his words made me. Does he see me as being that weak?
"So, you won't hit me?"
"Not going to happen."
"Fine, then, comrade. We'll see about that."
I take matters in my own hands. If he is not going to do anything and strike first, I will do it and he will have to defend himself, right? He will put me down one way or another.
I get a better stance on my feet and fist my palm. In a swift movement I head straight to his face, aiming his nose.
"Rose, wha-"
His eyes widen in surprise, but of course, moving faster than me, he catches my fist just in time and pushes my hand away.
"What are you doing, Rose?"
"What does it seem like I am doing? I am showing you that I can fight. Or at least I am trying stuff."
And then I head for him again. I try to strike again, and again, and again, aiming for different parts of him, trying to combine all the things he has just taught me. I know I am being sloppy, but at least I am trying.
And he just gets along with me and we fight, or at least we're doing something that resembles fighting.
But I think he still hasn't let go of the idea of hurting me. Because even though he doesn't give me any chance to touch him, he does nothing to fight back.
Which only makes me try harder. I try to hit him with my palms and fists and knees and feet and other parts of my body, but it is all useless, no matter how much I try. He just dodges them all, but doesn't fight back!
He is not fighting me. He is just defending himself. And I want him to hit back! Isn't this the point of this? For me to learn how to defend myself? And wouldn't that imply me being attacked?
At one point, when I didn't pay enough attention to him, he gets a hold of my both fists and turns me around, gluing my back to his front and rounding his arms on me, keeping me in place, his arm tightly around making it harder for my rib cage to expand as I am breathing heavily.
"Okay. You made your point, love. You can stop now before you get yourself hurt."
"Will you fight back? Will you let me get hit?"
"No."
It only annoys me more and I struggle to get out of his bear hug, which is useless. He only holds me tighter.
"Then it means that I didn't make my point! Why are you so stubborn about that?"
"Why are you so stubborn about that? I told you-"
"Yes, you did. But I don't care."
And to hell if I am going to stop until he does what I want.
I step on his foot and elbow him, showing him that I know exactly where the liver is, and I crouch forward as he gasps for air, his grip loosening around me, and so I manage to get away. Who would have thought I would ever be able to do this?
I know I have taken him by surprise, I surprised myself too, but still, he moves fast and tries to get a hold of me again.
But I turn just in time and in some miraculously way, I get a good hit into his solar plexus.
"Rose," he growls.
I think I am beginning to annoy him. Good. Maybe like this, he will fight back.
"Fight me," I say and try to pound a fist into his chest again and again. "Quit going easy on me. Is that the best you can do? Stop me? I have been looking forward to a chance to kick your ass all these days. So fight me!"
He laughs as he's stopping each and every move of mine.
"Don't you laugh at me!"
And because I am so angry at him, I get even sloppier and of course, I stumble over the edge of the mattress.
And of course, he is there again to catch me, steadying me to my feet by supporting my body against his.
"See what I was talking about, love?"
He lets go of me.
"I think you consumed enough of your energy tonight, love," he says obviously deranged by something, probably by my insistences, and turns around to leave.
But I am not the one to give up so easily. Does he think that if he's leaving I will just let him go?
And now that he has his back turned to me, I can only try some more stuff he showed me.
I go for him once more, putting into this all my strength, as I throw myself at him.
But things don't go as I planned them. Because he decides to turn around. Which startles me. And I want to pull away, to back down, but as I do that, I stumble again on the edge of the mattress, goddamnit, damn him for putting it there, and I end up proving him right once more.
But as he tries to catch me again, I see my chance and take it. I tightly wrap my palms on his wrists and use all my force to pull him down with me.
And because he turns around as not to fall on me and turn me into a pancake, I land next to him. Which is more than advantageous for me.
I get now on top of him and as I try to get a good hold of him, he finally fights me for real. Yes! Finally! He strikes back, trying to get me off him. This is all I wanted!
But somehow, in that haze, I get a second to be in control of the situation. I got a hold of his hands and pinned him down.
But my cockiness messes everything. It makes me lose ground because I loosen my grip on him as I was too busy jubilating and wanted to start bragging about beating him even though I am nothing more than a helpless, easy to hurt puppy in his eyes.
In a matter of milliseconds, he turns us over and comes on top of me, the tables turning.
He did the same thing I pulled on him, got a hold of my hands and pinned them down with his while with his lower body he presses me down even more. And with his weight on me, I am completely immobilized.
Well, fuck. At least I tried.
And why do we always end up on top of each other? Mostly, him on top of me? I guess this time I was the one asking for it.
Looking back at me, he smiles and I swear that this is the sweetest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I never thought I would get to see this smile from so close. But here I am, seeing it. And it's so beautiful. I love the way his lips curl in that proud amusement.
I even love that little strand of his hair that escaped the perfect clasp at the back of his head, and is now tickling my cheek. Too bad I can't move my hand to put it back into its place.
"Nice, love. Not helpful, but it was nice. But I doubt that if someone lands on you, you will be able to get up that easily."
"Yeah, I have been in this situation lately." with him. Too many times.
"And maybe you should try the loud noise when you are into a fight, not when you try to sneak behind someone."
Did I yell or something? Maybe. I don't remember it. But it would make sense why he turned around that fast.
"I will keep that in mind the next time I jump on you."
"Do you plan on doing it again, love?"
"Well, you never know when you piss me off bad enough."
We both laugh a little. Ah, it feels so good to get to this level of casualty with him.
And after we stop, none of us dares move.
I just lie under him, his weight feeling so good on me, me still breathing heavily, my chest pressing on his. But him? This guy is not even unsteady in his breathing.
Before I start thinking of other things involving his body pressing on mine and maybe he thinks of the same thing too, I decide to change the subject.
"So, how did I do?"
"You want your grade now?"
"Nah. No numbers. Use words, comrade."
Even though I know he's not that good at that chapter. Or doesn't want to.
"You were… quite impressive."
I can feel that tingle of proudness in his voice, that he definitely tried to hide, but for me, it is more than enough to make me dance happily in my head. He is proud of me! But my ego only wants to hear more.
"That's all I get? Impressive?"
His smile only widens. "I said quite impressive love."
"That's all? I thought I did better than that."
"Maybe you did."
"And why don't you tell me then?"
"And what would you want me to say?"
He suddenly becomes dead serious and I get a little afraid that he'll start criticizing me. But hell, I asked for his detailed opinion. Now I should listen.
"Would you want me to say that you can fight really well for someone your size and with so little experience?" I nod, liking what I am hearing. "That you move really fast and that you can manage quite well on your own, even though your heated head might get you in trouble? That you're a quick study?"
I can't erase that stupid smile off my face. Does he really think all that? Wow.
"Yeah. That would be something I would like to hear, comrade."
"Oh, Roza." He smiles once more and shakes his head amused. "Then, there you go. You just heard it. Call me impressed."
And next, none of us says anything more. We resume to lying there, his body getting now a little lighter on top of mine but never leaving it, I don't even want him to, and all I can feel are our salty sweats, mine especially as he didn't even break a sweat, and the dust we have raised in the room.
But underneath all that, I can smell him. It is so primal and manly, and so damned sexy. Each time I press my chest on his, breathing in, all I can focus on is that strong, woody essence of him that brings me so close to moving my hands out if his loose grip and touch him.
We have reached a not so safe territory. And why is he looking at me like that?
DPOV
Would it be wrong if I'd touch her? Well, touch her more than I already am?
What bad it would be if I'd try?
I let my hips be heavier on hers, and she sighs lightly, relaxing under me. So, she's not pulling away, right? I am not seeing things wrong again, aren't I?
I let go of her hands completely, wondering if she would want to wander them on me as much as I want to wander mine on hers, to feel her, to learn her wholly. Would she let me?
I watch her move, waiting to see what she's doing. I am not doing anything to rush. I will keep my hands to myself for now. I'll let her do as she pleases. I'd let her do whatever she pleases. Wherever she pleases. And for how long she pleases.
But all she does is to get some little hairs out of her face and clear her throat.
"Do... Um… Do you have something else to show me?"
Her speaking makes me snap out of it. So I did get things wrong. Again. Why am I interpreting all her gestures wrong? I am good at it. I have always been. Why is it different with her?
"No. Nothing else."
I get up in an instant and extend a hand for her to take.
But it seems that she still feels playful.
She takes my hand, but doesn't do anything to get up. She does just the opposite. And too fast for me to manage to do something about it.
She pins her feet on the ground and pulls me down hard, catching me by surprise.
Not being in control over myself, I lose my balance and land on the ground next to the spot I was previously on, and this time she ducks out of my way, just in time so that I won't land on her.
She gets up to her feet and looks at me, a smug smile on her face. And hell, doesn't she have a reason to be smug?
I smile too. She caught me off guard. She does this quite often lately.
"Good job, love."
"Well, it seems that you forgot your own rule, right? Be prepared for anything?"
Yes, I forgot about everything as I was too preoccupied admiring her. My bad. But I don't mind.
RPOV
He chuckles and gets up to his butt and watches me and I swear that that little sign of him being impressed by what I did makes me feel amazing.
My point being proven, that I can take him down too, I turn around and head to the bathroom cause I need a shower so bad. All this fooling and playing around got me sweaty as hell.
But I don't reach the bathroom because out of nowhere my feet get off from under me and I am falling.
Damn, he's so silent! He's so ninja!
"Careful, love."
But I don't get to reach the floor and embarrass myself with an ugly hit of my ass on it, because he catches me and gets me up to my feet.
And now he's the one having a smug smile on his face. But gosh, this smugness is looking so good on him, no matter how much it annoys me to see it at times. He's so bad but gosh, he does it so well. Badass is such a small word to describe him.
"Maybe it's time for rule number two. You get cocky, you stop paying attention. So, never turn your back to your enemy unless you're sure he's out."
He whispers that into my ear because, did I mention it or not, I am completely melted into his arms. And he's close. So, so close to me we're practically one.
In one moment of not thinking straight enough, I lean my head closer and gosh, I want to kiss him so bad, but with the last piece of my consciousness, I oscillate between doing it or not. I just sit there, my head tilted, my lips parted, thinking. All this tension we created during our sparing is looking for a way out of my system and kissing seems to be the most reasonable idea to get rid of it. But should I do it?
He looks at me and smiles, but it's a sadish one, then bites his lips and looks away.
"Want to know another rule, love? Maybe the most important one?"
I nod, not knowing what else to do.
"Never hesitate," he says with a change of tone, then lets go of me, and moves away.
And I don't know what he's referring to. To our sparing? Did he see me thinking about that kiss?
Nooo, this cannot be. He cannot read my thoughts. And I wasn't obvious.
I am just imagining things. He doesn't know I wanted to kiss him. He can't know.
DPOV
I don't know who was that last piece of advice for. For her, or for me. I saw she was thinking about something, but I couldn't figure out what. But she seemed confused about that thought.
I knew what I was thinking about, but I didn't know what to do either. Because being so close to her these past hours, I have struggled to keep in control of myself and not do all the things that pass through my head at her sight. Especially now that she's wearing such tight clothes and she got to be so fired up. I like her like that and I can't help but wonder if she could get that fired up in some other conditions.
All I know is that, gosh, I want to kiss her. With all my being. I want to feel those plump lips, to taste her sweetness again. To feel all of her too. With my hands. With my whole body.
But I am afraid that she will again throw those words at me. And I am most afraid that she will mean them this time.
I turn around to leave, to get away from her. She's not doing my mind any good.
But after not even a second, I hear her whimper lightly.
"Ah, shit."
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing, just a little cramp in my leg. It will go away."
"Here, come and sit down."
I support her and walk her to sit on the edge of the bed.
She extends her leg and pulls a face.
I crouch in front of her and get a hold of her leg, slowly turning it from one side to another.
"Where is it?"
"No, really. It's nothing. It's already passing. I am used to it. It's not the first time it's happening."
"Rose, tell me where."
"It's um… in my calf."
She sighs as I get a hold of it and squeeze lightly.
"Right there. But…"
She doesn't say anything more to protest as I start lifting her pant, then get a hold of her so soft skin and start moving in circles, going steady and firm, relieving the knot of tension there.
I don't think I ever want to stop doing this. I would only like to try other areas too.
Dimitri, what the hell is happening to you? You just touched her calf!
RPOV
He finishes slowly and at last, he gently walks his fingers across my skin and I sigh just at the thought of his hands walking all over my body. Maybe mines on his too.
What the hell, Rose? Stop it!
I bet he is toned all over and-
He clears his throat, distracting me.
"Is it better?"
"Huh? Yes. Yes. Thanks."
"Good," he says patting my knee, then pulls the pant back down, covering my calf. "I'll go now."
After I washed the memory of his body pressed against mine with hot as hell water, I get so sleepy it's hard to keep my eyes open.
All the way to the bed I keep on yawning and we don't speak much as we prepare to go to sleep.
I hope this night will be eventless. Because if I go to sleep, I don't know if someone will be able to wake me up until the morning. He worked me out big time.
DPOV
After I turn off the light and lay back in bed, she decides to turn to face me and speak.
"Comrade?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks." I can even see a little smile spread on her lips.
"For what?"
"For… teaching me stuff."
"You're welcome."
Yes, Rose. It was his biggest pleasure to get a chance to touch you all over.
"And…"
"And what?"
"Just… Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Rose."
RPOV
I thought that nothing could wake me up, but I was wrong. I have been sleeping with an eye open, and even if at first I thought that I was just imagining it or dreaming it, when he gets up from the bed and starts speaking in Russian, I get it that his phone has been buzzing for a while.
But what do I care? I can't get a word he's saying. So I turn on my other side and get back to sleep. Let him deal with his stuff.
DPOV
After a little heated call with my superiors, I get back into the room and stop in front of her. She's sound asleep, lightly purring in dreamland, looking as sweet as always, calm and pouting lightly and snuggled in between the blankets. Mine too. She stole my blanket.
"You need to kill her."
"I will. Soon."
No. Never.
"We clearly don't need her."
"Of course we don't."
What if I do?
"She's useless to us."
"I know. She has always been."
Not to me.
"She knows too much."
"Yes, but not what we need."
She doesn't know anything. She is innocent.
"What do you plan to do about her?"
"I will get rid of her."
I'll keep her safe.
"Yes. Get rid of her. Call me after you do it."
I can't. I won't. I can't kill her. I won't do it.
Oh, goddamnit!
I'll deal with it tomorrow, whatever it will be.
The night is the mother of counsel, right? Maybe I will wake up with a solution in my mind. I hope.
RPOV
"I loved you, Rose. All this time, I loved you," he says out of breath.
"I'm so sorry."
"You should have seen it. I was always there."
I know, I am so sorry, Mase. I never…"
"You never saw anything I did for you. "
"That's not true. You know I loved you."
"Maybe. But not as I did."
"I am sorry. If I'd only knew…"
"You could have known. If you would have paid enough attention. You should have seen it. Now I am dead and I'll never be happy. Because of you!"
"No, no. You're fine. You'll be fine."
"Stop lying to me. You know it too I am not going to make it. And it's all your fault. It will always be."
"I am so sorry. Please. Mase. Please. Don't go. Please. I am sorry. Mase? Come on. Talk to me. Please don't leave me. Stay. Just a little longer. You will make it. I am so sorry."