A/N: Well, here it is, the final chapter…tell me, why is it once again 0330 and I'm up, writing?!
An Unlikely Angel
Chapter 19: Isn't it Wonderful
"You're hovering again, Harm." Mac said as she looked up from the pie she was slicing. She grinned when he blushed and merely shrugging as he walked into the kitchen.
"I can't help it, Mac."
Mac set down her knife and stepped around the Roberts' kitchen island. She cupped his face in her hands and when she was sure he was focused completely on her, she leaned up and lightly kissed his lips. "I know. And I do appreciate it, but I'm okay. I'll be okay." She ran her thumbs over his cheeks, then dropped her hands. "You can't be with me all the time, you know. And you have Mattie now. You need to focus on her." She stepped away from him, yelping a little when his arms suddenly went around her. "Harm!" she giggled, and he held her tighter.
"I like that sound, Mac…I haven't heard you laugh in a long time."
Mac returned his embrace. "That's because I haven't laughed in a long time." He looked down at her sympathetically as she pushed lightly at his chest. "Now, let me go so I can cut this pie."
Harm gave her a final squeeze and released her, then followed her around the island. "I can't believe you baked, Mac."
She rolled her eyes at him. "I can bake, Harm. I can cook too for that matter. I've made this pie nearly every year since I was seven. And I was the one who made Christmas dinner at our house from the time I was twelve." She went back to her task, but she soon became conscious of Harm's eyes on her. "What?" she asked him when she met his thoughtful gaze.
"But you always said you bought the pie at some grocery store in Georgetown."
It was Mac's turn to blush. "I, uh, um, I lied."
"Why?"
Mac shrugged. "It's a long story that probably doesn't make any sense, but I just didn't want anybody to know. I didn't want anybody to be forced to compliment it just because I made it."
Harm's eyes widened. "You know how good that pie is, don't you?"
"Um…" Mac focused her gaze on her hands as they went back to cutting the pie. "I've, uh, actually never tasted it."
"What? Mac, I've seen you eat pumpkin pie before…it's not as if you don't like it, and let me tell you, your pie is better than any of those other ones."
Mac shrugged again. "I told you it didn't make any sense." She started to set out the slices of pie onto dessert plates.
Harm picked up one of the dishes along with a fork and took a bite. "God, Mac, I think this is your best one yet." He grabbed another bite and then held the fork in front of her. "Come on, Mac. Taste it. You can do it."
Mac started to shake her head, but then Harm said her name. "Just try it, Sarah," he said in a soft, intimate voice, and Mac found herself opening her mouth for him to feed her.
As the first taste of the pie exploded on her tongue her eyes rose to Harm's. "It's good, isn't it?" he said, flyboy grin in place.
"Oh my goodness, Harm…it's amazing."
"Told you," Harm said, his expression smug. He offered Mac another bite, and she happily accepted it, and then Harm proceeded to feed her the rest. Of course, she was perfectly capable of feeding herself, but there was something incredibly sweet about Harm's actions, and she let herself just enjoy it.
Mac couldn't really explain why tasting her pie was such a big step, nor could she explain why she'd avoided it for so long, but she did know she'd managed to exorcise some demon from her childhood. There were still many more to be dealt with, but it was a start, and Mac felt lighter for it. She gave Harm another hug, and together they gathered up the remaining slices and left the kitchen.
"Hey, Mac…that year you brought me dinner on Christmas…you made all of it, didn't you?" Harm asked a while later. The two were standing next to the Christmas tree drinking hot chocolate as they watched Mattie holding baby Jimmy. Little AJ played with his new toys at her feet, and it warmed Mac's heart.
"Yeah, I did," she answered, ducking her head in embarrassment.
"Damn, Mac…why didn't you ever say anything?" He took her now empty mug from her hand and set it next to his on an end table.
"I don't know…probably the same reason I didn't tell you about the pie." She chuckled ruefully. "It seems silly now."
Harm's arm went about her shoulders. "Nah." He leaned over and kissed the crown of her head, letting his cheek rest against her hair for a moment. She supposed Harriet was going to be talking Bud's ear off later about these displays of affection toward her from Harm, but she found she didn't really care. She had her best friend again, and it was the best Christmas gift she could have ever hoped for.
"Mattie looks like she's having a good time." Harm spoke softly in her ear, breaking the warm silence that had settled around them.
"She does." She glanced back over to where Mattie now had AJ giggling, a smile forming on her face. But then she grew serious. "Harm?"
"Yeah, Mac?"
"I meant everything I said in that courtroom." She felt him give her shoulders an extra squeeze.
"Did I ever thank you for that?"
Mac's arm went about Harm's waist. "Yes, you did Harm. More than once."
"Well, thank you again, anyway, Mac."
"You're welcome."
"Life's going to change, Mac," Harm said, his eyes on the children across the room. "Mattie's here now, and—"
"And you need to spend your time with her now. I understand," she hastened to reassure him. "I'll be okay."
Harm looked at her in surprise. "No, Mac…I want you to be a part of this too. Mattie needs a strong female role model, and I was hoping you'd take the job. That is, if you can put up with me too…I want to be in your life again, Mac. I've watched from the outside too long, and I—I almost lost you. Never again, Mac. Never." He spoke adamantly, and Mac found herself nodding. She wanted him back in her life too, and she would be honored to be a role model for Mattie. She told him as much, and as she remembered the words he'd just used, she knew she needed to tell him something else.
"Harm, um, that never in Paraguay? I didn't mean it."
Harm's expression went from apprehensive to elation in less than a second.
"You don't know how happy I am to hear that, Sarah."
"Here, let me get that for you, Mac." Harm took her coat from her hands and helped her into it, placing a kiss on the back of her head before he stepped away from her.
It had been a wonderful day. Mac was able to reconnect with her friends and seeing Bud interact with his wife and his children was all the more poignant given what his life could have been like, would have been like if she'd died when she was eighteen. Mikey had made an appearance as well, and it was such a relief to see him once again as the clean-cut future officer he was. Later tonight she would call her Uncle Matt and it was sure to be an emotional conversation—they always were on Christmas, but now that she'd seen what would have befallen him, she knew she would have a hard time keeping her tears in check.
Best of all, though, was watching Harm interact with their godchildren and his new ward. He was going to make a wonderful father, and for the first time in a long time, she let herself feel hope that their baby deal might actually come true.
And to think, she had Loren Singer to thank for it. It seemed so unbelievable, but Mac knew with every fiber in her being that last night had really happened. She'd almost told Harm about it earlier when he'd asked her what had happened to her hand, but she'd held back. Telling him that she'd cut her hand because she'd fainted at the sight of their dead former colleague still didn't seem to be a good way to demonstrate her mental stability. She'd ended up telling him she'd dropped the glass with the vodka and then cut herself when she'd cleaned it up. It was definitely a more plausible explanation…
But perhaps one day, she would tell him…it was a fantastic story to be sure, but Loren Singer deserved to be honored…
"Hey, you okay?" Harm asked softly into her ear. She was quick to reassure him.
"Yeah, I'm good, Harm." She reached over and squeezed his hand.
"I'm going to have a hard time leaving you at your apartment tonight, Mac."
"It'll be okay, Harm. I promise. Now, I have to work tomorrow…and for the first time in a long time I'm looking forward to it, so we'd better get going, okay?" He flashed her a gentler version of his flyboy grin.
"Okay, Mac." Harm called out to Mattie, who was tickling little AJ, and Mac found herself laughing along with the little boy. Mattie sat AJ up, and Mac could see her godson start to pout when Mattie told him she had to leave. She assured him she'd see him again soon, gave him a hug, then went to retrieve her coat while Harm and Mac waited alone by the door.
The door where mistletoe always hung…
Mac did her best to avoid looking for it, but eventually, Harm's gaze drifted upward, his eyes lighting up when he saw what she suspected was there.
"Hey, look, Mac," he said as he pointed above his head. Mac looked up, grinning when she saw the expected and familiar sprig of mistletoe hung above the front door. As usual, it was attached to two little bells, and Mac couldn't help remembering the last two Christmases when they'd kissed under the Christmas greenery. When she lowered her eyes to Harm's, she could see he wanted to continue with the tradition they'd established. His eyes begged for permission, and she was just about to nod when little AJ barreled into her. "Auntie Mac!"
"Hey, little man!" she laughed as she scooped him up in her arms. "Did you have a good Christmas?" The little boy nodded vigorously, grinning from ear to ear. "Did you like your presents?" Another happy nod.
"I love my plane from Unca Harm, and I love my game from you Auntie Mac!"
"I'm glad, sweetie." She hugged him close and felt herself choking up. She could have missed all of this.
Thank you, thank you, Loren.
And then, from above their heads, came an answering jingle of the wo little bells. They all looked up in surprise at the mistletoe, watching as the bells gave another shake.
"Look, Auntie Mac!" crowed AJ. "Mommy says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!"
Mac looked up at the bells again, then looked down at the smiling face of her beloved godson. "That's right. That's right" Atta girl, Loren…
"Thank you, Sarah," I say softly as I turn away from the Christmas scene below me. It looks like Sarah is going to be just fine, and I have to admit, I'm quite pleased with myself.
I'm also quite pleased with my new bling. My freshly earned wings unfurl around me, beautifully gold-tipped, and once again I just have to pause and admire them.
"They are quite lovely, aren't they, Loren?" Joseph comes up by my side and I flash him a smile.
"Yeah. You know, I think they look even better than Steven's!" Steven and I never got to have a healthy sibling rivalry when we were alive, but now that we're both here, I see no reason why we can't have one now. Joseph only rolls his eyes, but I'm sure he's amused.
"They certainly are quite striking, my dear child." Joseph looks over the edge of heaven while the images of the Boy Scout and Sarah walking to an SUV with a young girl by their side still play for us. "You did well, dear Loren."
I'm about to thank him when someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see Joe standing by me, and my smile fades. He stands there awkwardly for a moment, and then he speaks.
"Loren…I know what you think of me, and I don't blame you…but I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for saving my Sarah." He turns away and I surprise myself by reaching for his arm.
"You're welcome, Joe. I wish I had known your daughter better when I was alive, but I'm glad I was here when she needed me." That is a true statement. Sure, it wasn't in my plan to die so young, but I'm grateful I was in a position to help Sarah. Yes, I still want to smack her Boy Scout, but I can't say I'm not happy that they're finally going to get it right with each other.
"Loren?" Joseph's call breaks me out of my little reverie, and I bring my attention back to my favorite archangel. Okay, I still think Michael is smoking hot, but Joseph is a lot nicer.
"Oh, Loren…" Joseph shakes his head at me.
Apparently earning one's wings does not make one's thoughts unreadable.
"Hey, I did you were nicer," I defended myself.
"And I appreciate that…but 'smoking hot' is probably not the best way to describe those of us angels still here." He raises his eyebrow at me and I try to make myself look properly repentant, but I'm sure I fail miserably. I mean, one can't expect me to change completely just because I now come with feathers.
Joseph gives me a knowing look which I return with the most innocent of gazes. "What did you need, Joseph?"
"Need? Why, I need nothing, but I do have someone I want to introduce to you."
Suddenly I feel a strange tingle of anticipation and…is that fear? I watch Joseph motion to someone behind me and I turn around. It's my brother, and standing next to him is…
"Emma!"
I see my daughter as an infant, a child, even an adult all at once. She's beautiful and I can't help the tears that fall from my eyes. I want to hold my arms out to her, but I'm afraid—afraid of what she'll think of me since it's my fault she never got the chance to live.
I needn't have worried though. My little girl smiles up at me and wraps her arms around my waist, and I let my wings fold around her. "Hi, mommy!" she calls, and my tears fall faster.
"Hi, baby. I'm-I'm so sorry…"
"No, Mommy…it's really great here. I just missed you!"
"I missed you too, Emma. I—I love you."
"I love you too, Mommy."
I think I've discovered something even better than earning my wings…
Epilogue
"It's just up here a little ways, Harm." I turn to my husband of nearly two years who looks mildly annoyed…and worried, as usual.
I sigh, stopping and putting my hands on my hips. "I'm pregnant, Harm, not an invalid."
Harm rolls his eyes in irritation and I fight the urge to laugh at him. He's never gotten over the urge to hover, and since we found out we're expecting twins, he's gone into hovering overdrive.
After that fateful Christmas Eve, Harm and I took a few months to get our heads on straight before we officially got "together." We both needed a lot of therapy, even more than we had expected. So many things from our childhoods bubbled up to the surface, and it took some time to sort it all out. We even had some sessions together, which a few times ended in bitter arguments and accusations. But, since we knew how miserable life was when we were apart, we fairly quickly made up. We always talked it out, and after many missteps, we finally have figured out the key to successfully communicating with each other. Don't ask me to explain it though; what we do just works.
After a short engagement, we got married in his parents' backyard, overlooking the ocean. We started to work on the baby deal right away, and just as we were about to seek help, we got the news we were waiting for. I was pregnant. Due on Christmas Eve. We found out shortly afterwards that we were getting a two for one deal, and I must say, we're ecstatic.
"Tell me again why we're doing this?" Harm asks, and not for the first time, I want to smack him. With love and affection of course…
"Because, my dear husband, I want to show you something." He shakes his head in exasperation, but he motions me to lead on.
I'm not sure why I've decided that now is the time to tell him about my guardian angel. I suppose it has something to do with the babies, but it's still nothing I can put into words.
I did some research into Loren Singer's life after she'd saved mine. I'd never bothered to find out much about her when she was at JAG, her personality being so off-putting, but I felt I owed it to her after what she'd done for me. I discovered that she grew up in Virginia, not all that far from DC, and had a brother that died before she was even born. Her parents still live nearby, but I won't disturb them with my tale. It's so sad that they've lost both children; I can't imagine the grief and pain of all that. I noticed my hand has wandered down to rest on my expanding belly and I say a quick prayer that I will be able to protect these little miracles.
This is not the first time I've been to Loren and her little girl's grave. I went there on New Year's Day after she'd stopped me from ending it all, and I noticed that her grave seemed a bit neglected. I've come here periodically since then, cleaning things up around it, even talking to her sometimes. I like to think she can hear me—I dreamt about her once awhile back, and in my dream she had a pair of shimmering, gold-tipped wings. There was a little blond girl next to her and, since the child looked just like her, I assumed it was her little Emma. I think Loren wanted me to know she had done okay, and maybe she wanted to see that I had as well.
We finally come to Loren's row, and I can see Harm's eyes widen as he sees the Singer family name on multiple headstones. Loren and Emma's is the fifth one in, and I'm pleased to see someone else has put flowers down for her. She's buried next to her brother, who only lived to be sixteen, and I see someone has put flowers down for him as well.
I kneel down next to the headstone of Loren and "Baby Girl Singer," and trace the names with my finger. Harm kneels down next to me, and I can feel his questioning gaze. "I come here once in a while…ever since that Christmas when I—I—"
After all this time it's still hard to talk about those when I was so overcome with despair that I almost committed suicide. I feel Harm's arm go around my shoulders and gently squeeze, and I know he's doing it for his comfort just as much as mine. I take in a deep breath. "I don't think she gets a lot of visitors…"
"She wasn't exactly pleasant to be around."
"No, she wasn't, was she?" I reply, once again running my finger over her name. "But people can change."
"Uh, Mac," starts Harm, and I realize what I've just said. "I don't think she can at this point."
I want to laugh at that, remembering a conversation Loren and I had about her changing, but instead, I shrug and decide to change the subject slightly. "I wonder, sometimes, if she felt alone there at JAG. I know, she brought a lot of it on herself, but maybe if I or anyone had made an effort, things would have gone differently for her. I've asked myself was she lonely? Scared? Did she know she was having a little girl? Was she happy about it?" She and I didn't really have a chance to discuss her baby before she had to leave.
Harm shakes his head as he helps me to stand. "She wasn't…not at first anyway. When it got closer to her due date, I would wonder sometimes if she'd changed her mind, if it was a boy or girl…I was still convinced that the baby was Sergei's…I wondered if she'd let me see her…wondered what she'd named her."
"Emma." The name slips out before I have a chance to censor myself, but then again, it does open the door to discuss something else I'd like to discuss with him.
"What?"
"I'd like to name our daughter Emma."
"Emma Rabb…I like it." He nods thoughtfully, and I wait for it…Harm doesn't disappoint; seconds later, his expression changes to one of stunned surprise. "Wait…our daughter? You know? We're having a girl?"
I nod, grinning at the excitement in his face, but I'm not done yet…
"And a boy, Harm. One of each!" At that Harm gathers me into his arms and spins me around before he sets me down and captures my lips in a happy kiss. Maybe a cemetery isn't exactly the place for such a display, and I should probably tell him that I still get dizzy fairly easily, but I can't because I'm just as elated as he is. Hoping he doesn't notice that I'm clinging to him just a little bit until the world stops spinning around me, I listen to his excited chatter.
"A girl and a boy, Mac. I hope she looks just like you. Your looks, my brains, right?"
"I thought he was supposed to have my looks and your brains, Flyboy."
He grins, remembering our conversation on the front steps of JAG so long ago. "That could work too."
We stand there just holding each other a minute, until Harm leans away from me. "Hey, Mac…I thought we agreed it was going to be a surprise."
I blush and given him a sheepish grin. "I, um, called the doctor yesterday and made her tell me." I can tell Harm is trying to look stern, but he can't pull it off. Finally, he laughs and pulls me close again.
"Yeah, well, I was actually going to call her tomorrow…"
And then I'm laughing along with him. I'm rather glad we seem to be alone in this little cemetery.
Once we get ourselves back under control, I turn to once again face Loren's grave. Harm wraps his arms around me from behind, resting his big hands on my stomach. I feel the babies flutter in response, and I can't wait for the moment that he feels them too. "We should get you off your feet, Mac," he says, and I nod. As hard as it is for me to admit, I do tire rather easily. Of course, I love being held by my husband too, and I love the feel of his heart beating against my back. Maybe we'll just stand here a little longer…
"You never did tell me why you brought me here, Mac," he says after a little while.
"Sure, I did. I wanted to show you something."
"I've been in cemetery's before, Mac."
"Well," I concede. "Maybe it is more that I have something to tell you."
"You couldn't have told me about our son and daughter at home?" he asks, obviously a little confused.
Well, I could have told him there…but the truth is, I rather wanted to tell Loren, too. If it weren't for her and her divine intervention, I wouldn't be standing here with the love of my life and now the father of my children. And I want Harm to know about her, too…it's time.
"Yeah, but there's more…" Harm suddenly flips me around in his arms and I have to fight off another wave of dizziness.
"Oh my god, triplets?!"
Oh, Flyboy… "No! Harm, you were at the ultrasound. Did you see three babies?" He shakes his head and I can't help but laugh at the relief in his expression. "No…it's something else. But give me a minute. I want to say goodbye." If Harm thinks it strange that I'm going to say good by to the grave of a woman who by all accounts was a thorn in our side, he keeps it to himself.
I slowly kneel down once again by Loren and Emma's headstone and rest my hand against the cool granite. "Goodbye, Loren. Thank you again."
And off in the distance I hear the little jingle of bells that tells me she heard.
I let Harm help me up again and he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "So, what is it you wanted to tell me?" he asks as we start walking back to the car.
"Harm?" I ask. "Do you believe in guardian angels?"
"I've never really thought about it," he answers, and I smile up at him.
"Well, I have a story to tell you…"
End
Well, that's it. Thanks for reading everyone, and a special shout out to Radiorox and MAJ8395 for their encouragement and advice. I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!