23 – THE BEST OF ME

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The Third Timeline

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Flavia and Chrom argue for some time about how to handle the coming strife in Chon'sin. Neither want war again mere days from ending our dire fight with Plegia.

Finally, I see no other recourse than to speak my piece. "Khan Flavia, no matter what happens in Chon'sin, Chrom and I must go to protect the Exalt."

"What danger is she in that warrants the captain of Ylisse's army staying behind as his troops march to another war?" she asks.

"Validar is coming for her next."

"You seem exceptionally privy to Validar's mad plans, whatever the hell they are."

"Validar's plan from the beginning was to get his hands on the Fire Emblem. He used Gangrel to do so but now that the king has failed he is taking matters into his own hands and trust me, his power is greater than all of Plegia's soldiers."

"The Fire Emblem is the least of our problems. Emmeryn only has one of the crystals. It's power is insubstantial at best."

"Validar now holds three and I imagine with this level of resolve he will no doubt find the remaining two."

"How could he have three? No one knows where they are," Flavia says.

"Validar already possessed one, Walhart held another, and Khan Basilio lost his when he was killed."

"Basilio did not have one of the crystals. I knew him better than anyone. He would not have kept such a thing from me."

"I cannot speak for his decisions, I simply know the fact that Validar holds three of the crystals. He will come for the Exalt's next and then he will go to Valm and obtain the last one."

"How could you possibly know these things?" she demands.

"I am not here to explain myself to you, Khan Flavia. I am here to tell you the reality of our situation and whether you believe me or not, Chrom and I are going to Ferox to escort the Exalt safely back to Ylisstol and guard her."

"You have no right to make such assertions," Flavia says. "Just because you are fucking the prince of Ylisse does not make you a leader and it does not give you the right to-"

"Khan Flavia!" Chrom says, raising his voice. "You will not speak such within our walls and in my presence!"

"You are not the ruler yet either, boy," she says.

"With Emmeryn in Ferox, I am forced to be such at the moment."

"And you will refuse to march with me to Chon'sin?"

"I will give you the aid of what is left of our troops. But I will stay by my sister's side."

"Then you are neither prince nor captain," she says.

I expect Chrom to react with anger, but instead he holds out his hand to Flavia. "Your resolve is strong, as is your honor. You have saved my people and that is a debt that can never be repaid. I respect your counsel, and I ask you to respect my own."

Flavia shakes his hand and calms the sharpness in her voice. "I do not agree with you, Chrom. You are young and you were not raised to be a king. But I will accept your decision."

There is nothing left to be said after that and Chrom and I leave the counsel room to prepare for our journey to Ferox.

The next morning as I am packing my saddlebags, I find Olivia in the stable, saddling up her horse.

"Are you coming with us?" I ask.

She turns to me and answers, "How could I not?"

"I imagined you would stay with the East-Khan."

"Khan Flavia has always been kind to me, but nevertheless my loyalty does not lie with her. It was Basilio who raised me and now he's gone."

"I'm sorry," I say. "You have had little time to grieve."

"Grief does not heal by resting in it," she replies. "Basilio taught me more than how to use a sword. He taught me to move forward always from pain."

"He sounds like a great man."

"He was and Khan Flavia is the same."

"It will be dangerous to go with us," I tell her. "I know you are not afraid of danger, but Henry is. He cannot bear for you to risk your life. I think you are the only good thing to have ever happened to him. You have to stay here, Olivia, no matter how much you want to come with us."

Olivia looks at me and shakes her head. "I wasn't surprised to find out you two are brother and sister. You are very alike."

"What do you mean?"

Her expression darkens from sadness to anger. "You both think you understand people because you are clever."

I am startled by her words and she softens her tone slightly, saying, "I will go with you to Ferox and you will not convince me otherwise. Henry asked me to come with him."

"He did?"

"Not at first, but I told him something that I will tell to you now so you will understand me better and we will never a conversation like this ever again," she says. "When I was eleven, the lord of the province I lived in saw me dancing at a village festival and came to my house one night to take me for his own. When my father tried to stop him, he killed my parents and my older brother and took me to his castle. But word reached Basilio and he rode in a fury to my village and beheaded the lord, imprisoning the man's advisors as well for allowing such a thing to take place. Flavia was the sovereign Khan at the time and when the other lords objected, she stood by Basilio's decision and threatened anyone who opposed it."

"Olivia, I'm so sorry…"

"I don't tell you this for your sympathy as I didn't tell it to Henry for his. I tell it to you so that you will understand that when Basilio took me in and cared for me as if I were his own blood, he trained me to kill men like that and men like Validar who seek only their own desires. I was not raised to be beautiful and to be told what was best for me by those who seek to protect me. I was raised to be like a Khan and a Khan fears nothing."

I give her a small bow of respect. "I have underestimated you, and I am sorry for it. You have more strength of will than any of us."

"I am used to being underestimated," she says, "but not from the people who care for me."

"It won't happen again."

She nods and returns back to saddling her horse.

The urgency of our ride to Ferox occupies my energy until we make camp for the night and I sit beneath the stars as the others fall asleep.

The stillness of the night does little to distract my mind and I think about Olivia's words about my assumptions of my own cleverness. They have stirred up many other unsettling truths I have been content to ignore. I have often considered myself to be smart enough to know what is best, but has this arrogance influenced my behavior too strongly?

I have used Chrom's trusting nature to influence his decisions many times. I have hidden truths and even lied when I thought it in his best interests, or in my own. From my first night with him, I have seen visions of myself betraying him and yet I ignored those visions to tell myself they would never come to pass and I would warrant his faith in me.

The moment I threw the Levin sword into the river, I have walked forward with the reckless belief that I had changed everything. And yet all my efforts to change my role in events have only thrown entire nations into chaos. Not only have I changed my lifetime, I have changed myself.

I think of the man Gray, teasing Chrom into smiles, stepping up to the responsibility of leading Ylisse with him, even taking in children and loving them as a father, no matter how strange the events that had brought them together.

First there was the weak Gray who fell victim to Validar's power. Then there was the Gray who nearly saved the fate of his world, who lived his life with courage, with passion, with joy. And now there is me.

Perhaps it was Chrom's love of the past Gray that led him to me in this lifetime. But the other Gray was the one who earned such love. That Gray held the best of me within him.

I feel that I have lost his spirit somewhere in this lifetime as I've been drawn slowly deeper and deeper into the worst parts of my own nature - embracing the twisted magic in me because it was useful, throwing myself recklessly into danger unheeding of how much my risks would hurt Chrom, making promises I knew I couldn't keep, staying with him when it was all too obvious I was a danger to him.

I pull my knees up to my chest and lean my head against them, my mind resting heavily in the weight of these thoughts.

I hear footsteps and Olivia humming to herself. She sits down next to the fire and begins to sing softly.

"Moonchild, open your eyes, the sun will not burn away your light.

Moonchild, open your eyes, there is nothing left to fear of the night.

You'll wax and wane as time goes on,

Year after year from dusk till dawn.

Moonchild, open your eyes, in darkness you'll rest, in darkness you'll rise."

I don't feel her magic in my spirit until I realize that tears are in my eyes. Wiping them away, I draw in a deep breath and exhale.

When I glance over at Olivia I see that she is watching me.

I move over to sit next to her and ask, "You were casting a spell, weren't you?"

"In my own way," she says.

"I think your magic has soothed a disquiet in my mind that I don't deserve comfort from."

"What do you mean?"

"I have much to make sense of right now, and even the unpleasant thoughts must be faced."

"Then face them with a clear mind," she says with a smile.

"Thank you."

"I am your comrade, Gray, and I am also your friend. I would not have spoken my mind so openly with you earlier if I were not."

"I am glad you did. You have given me much to ponder," I answer. "When Henry and I found out about Validar, our only wish was to kill him, no matter what it cost. I still believe that must be my mission. It is not a responsibility I can hide from. But I think both Henry and I realize now that we must find a way to do it that does not bring grief or harm to those who have chosen to love us."

"I am glad to hear it." She glances at Henry who is sleeping peacefully for once. "I will kill Validar myself if need be. Henry and I appear very different but we are not unlike each other at all. We neither of us have much in this world and what we have we cannot afford to lose."

After a moment, Olivia looks at me and asks, "Do you love Prince Chrom?"

Her question takes me aback. "Of course I do."

"I ask only because his energy is full of pain right now, and I think it is a kind of pain that comes from unrequited love."

I look over at him sadly and reply, "He asked me to marry him when we returned to the capitol. But I told him no."

Olivia nods. "Then you are not as selfish as I accused you of being. You did the right thing. It would have been worse to accept his proposal knowing you were hell-bent on what could be a suicide mission."

"I certainly hope it was the right choice."

"I hope at the end of all this we all can find our happiness," she says.

"Olivia, when we rejoin the Exalt in Ferox, Chrom will need to stay at her side to protect her. He and I must go our separate ways at that point. I know now that you are determined to come with Henry and I on our mission to kill Validar, but can I ask you one thing, as your friend?"

"As long as it is not to stay in Ferox."

"I know now that would be a waste of your bravery. No, what I want to ask you is that if… if despite my best efforts, I die in this fight, please, will you be the one to tell Chrom? I know that is a heavy thing to ask, but with your magic, you could soothe him. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't ask you such a thing-"

"Peace," she says, stopping me from my anxious apologies. "I give you my word. I will soothe his pain as best I can."

"Thank you. He can be reckless sometimes, especially in grief and anger."

She offers me a small, encouraging smile. "I understand. He feels things strongly. I can tell it in his spirit."

"I love him for it," I say. "But let's stop talking about death for now. We have a long ride to Ferox ahead of us and I do not wish to spend all of it deep in dark thoughts and fear."

"Would you like me to teach you a song? One to rally the spirits?"

"I don't have your kind of magic."

"Music is it's own magic, and you have a pretty voice. It will bring joy without any spell being cast."

Olivia hums a melody for me and I repeat it after her, then she teaches me the words verse by verse.

Jasper flutters over and sits on her shoulder, watching her curiously as she sings. He studies her for a while then mimics her melody with sharp crow sounds.

After a couple songs, Henry stirs and yawns. He walks over to the fire to sit next to us, smiling at Jasper's cheery chirping. He holds out his finger and the bird jumps over to perch on it.

"Is she hexing you into a songbird?" he asks. Jasper chirps at him and he laughs. "Go back to your caws. You sound like a dying cat."

"He's doing his best," Olivia says.

Henry laughs but when he looks at Olivia his expression turns to one of concern.

"Did you get any sleep?" he asks her.

"A little."

"Let me make you some tea," he offers.

Henry takes out the tea leaves and heats the water over the fire. As he is stirring the steaming tea, he reaches into his satchel and slips out a small vial of potion and adds some to the cup.

I open my mouth to ask him about it, but Olivia shoots me a warning glare and then smiles sweetly at Henry.

"Thank you, love," she says. "Will you taste it for me and see if it needs any sugar?"

He laughs. "It will be fine. Take a sip."

"Try it for me," she insists. "It would bring me joy to share something with you."

Henry blows the steam from the cup but hesitates awkwardly. "I'm not fond of Ylissean tea. Tastes like dirt. But I know you like it. Why don't you drink it?"

Olivia's smile fades as a fierce look flares in her eyes. "Drink it, Henry."

She stares him down until he lifts the cup to his lips and takes a sip.

Instantly, the cup falls from his hands and he slumps onto the ground in a dead sleep. Jasper caws in alarm and pecks at Henry's cheek but he doesn't stir.

Olivia smiles smugly and pets Jasper to calm his distress.

I laugh and once I've started I can't seem to stop. Olivia meets my eyes and giggles, then she is laughing too.

"He thinks he's so clever," she says.

"What is so funny?" Chrom asks groggily, sitting down beside us. "Your giggling woke me up." He sees Henry's unconscious body and asks, "Dear gods, is he alright?"

"He'll be asleep for a long while," Olivia says. "We'll just tie him to his saddle."

"What happened?" Chrom says.

"Gray hexed him to sleep because he was annoying her," she answers and walks away from us.

"You did what?" Chrom asks me.

"I did no such thing!"

Chrom looks at me doubtfully.

"I didn't!" I insist. "He drank a sleeping potion."

"Likely story," Chrom says.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask.

"If I say no are you going to hex me too?"

"Perhaps."

"I slept like a baby," he answers.

Chrom gets up and picks up Henry, lifting him onto Lilly's back and strapping him to the saddle. Olivia makes us some breakfast to eat while we ride, and together we return to our journey.

But after we have travelled for a few hours, I begin to feel sick. I pull my horse to a stop and nearly fall out of the saddle. My head spins and I drop onto my knees, my stomach seizing up with nausea.

Chrom jumps off his horse and comes over to rub my back. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"I don't know," I gasp. "Can I have a moment to rest? I feel really ill."

"Of course," he says. He signals for Olivia to stop.

She comes over and tells Chrom to go feed and water our horses. Kneeling down beside me, she puts her hand to my forehead and studies my face. "How do you feel?" she asks.

"Dizzy and sick. I don't know what's wrong?" I ask.

I cough and barely manage to keep from vomiting. "Gods…"

"Is it just that time of the month?" she asks.

"No, it hasn't been for a while," I reply.

Olivia pats my back and says, "Stress and fatigue make these things irregular. You have been pushing yourself too hard lately. It was bound to catch up with you."

She walks over to Lilly and rummages through Henry's satchel, pulling out several pouches of herbs and a vial of powder, combining them into a pungent tea. "Here," she says, handing the cup to me. "Henry made this for me a while ago when I was feeling ill. It will help."

"I'm not trusting any of Henry's potions ever again."

She laughs. "Not all of his concoctions are for tricks. This will help with any pain or nausea you have. I promise."

"If I get an uncontrollable attack of hiccups again I will never trust you again."

"I promise to only pull tricks on Henry, not you," she says.

I swallow the mixture and grimace. But within a few minutes, my stomach has settled enough to continue riding. And after an hour, my lightheadedness has eased and I feel more like myself again.

All the same, Chrom keeps a watchful eye on me as we travel no matter how many times I reassure him that I am feeling better.