Chapter 23

Last night did not go as planned. Spending the night together still had it's awkward moments of course. Neither party was too sure of how to act or react. Sam had naive hopes that creating new memories with Jack would replace the nightmarish ones that were seared into her soul. But if she was being honest with herself, she still couldn't move past those memories of Kuk. Daring to open her eyes, she peeked at Jack who was still asleep, lovingly cradling her. He looked so peaceful and content. She felt herself envious of his carefree slumber. He was just sleeping without a thought in the world, and here she was trying to talk herself out of a panic attack feeling his arms encircling her.

Disgusted with herself, she cautiously wiggled away from him to try and push away the feelings. She tiptoed into the bathroom and started the shower to begin the day. They both had a free day, with it being the weekend. And it came at just the right time. Her feet were starting to swell regularly and while her nauseous stomach had long settled, she still had bouts of exhaustion that only seemed to be increasing.

She took care to dress in the bathroom, in case Jack was awake. Sam was excited for this baby most days, but seeing her changing body made her think of how it came to be as well. And she didn't want to see the look of pity that she just knew Jack would surely make. Stepping out, quietly as she went in, she noticed she didn't have to manage her noise level as Jack was no longer in bed. The smell of pancakes and coffee, decaf no doubt, wafted through the air in greeting. Her stomach rumbled in excitement.

"Good morning sunshine, I was wondering if you were ever going to emerge. I was starting to worry about you drowning." Jack joked as Sam walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, I just needed a bit to clear my thoughts."

"And they're cleared I take it?"

"More or less. Nothing those pancakes won't fix." Sam moved to take a seat at the small table in in her kitchen, effectively ending the line of questioning.

Taking note, Jack plated a stack of pancakes and placed them in front of her with a steaming mug of coffee. "Decaf."

"Counting the days I can get the real stuff!" Sam inhaled the aromatic coffee infused steam.

Sitting across from her with his plate, Jack smiled before digging in to his pancakes. He could stay in this moment for the rest of his life. He relished in the feelings of domesticity that he never thought he would experience again. He was happy.

"Arielle." Jack stated out of the blue."

"Huh? You have some burning desire to watch The Little Mermaid?"

"Not particularly just throwing some ideas out there for the little one. Arielle if it's a girl, and maybe William if it's a boy, Billy for short."

"Seems like you have put a lot more thought into this than I have. You do know that I am only six months pregnant right?" Sam questioned, absentmindedly rubbed her protruding stomach.

"Yup. And the rest of the time will fly by before we know it and we'll have a full fledged, unnamed bouncing baby on our hands. Besides, this is fun!" Jack smiled fondly, with a child-like glee in his eye. Sam was so thankful to have him in her corner. She knew she wouldn't have to ask before he picked up the pieces that she would undoubtedly have trouble maneuvering.

"Fun and scary all at once. Do you think I'll be a good mom?" Sam's voice was hesitant, she was almost ashamed to even ask the question. As though that would signal that she was in fact not ready to be a mom.

"I think you'll be a great mom Sam. Don't you worry, no one has it figured out. Kids are one phenomenon that would prove a feat even for an astrophysicist. The fact that you're worried about being a good mom proves that you're going to be amazing."

The following months passed by much like Jack described. Sam was growing more confident in her motherhood abilities with Jack and her friend's help. But she was also still nervous, but she knew that was only logical. Janet and Daniel had grown closer as well. Something that Sam had a feeling would happen. They were a near perfect fit. Every time Sam called one, the other was sure to be close by. The same could be said of Sam and Jack. Taking advantage of Janet's excitement over the baby, Jack convinced them to come help set up the nursery. Well, Janet offered and voluntold Daniel's assistance.

While the guys were arguing over how to put together the baby furniture, Janet and Sam took a minute to catch up in the backyard.

"So how's life been treating you Sam?"

"It's good actually. It is one small step from being perfect really." Sam mused, taking a sip of her tea.

"Hmm...let me guess is it the relationship with you and Jack?" Janet took a stab at what could be bothering her friend. She knew from different little comments that Sam would make from time to time, that she was insecure about what she could offer Jack. And despite her reassurances, she also knew it was natural for her to have some trouble accepting that Jack really and truly loved her. While not in the exact same situation, Janet had been in a terrible marriage that was abusive in a physical and psychological way. It had almost caused her to miss out on pursuing anything with Daniel. But she feared losing Daniel far more than she was worried about whether Daniel could really care for her, to not try a relationship.

"Yes! Well, part of it but the other part is connected." Sam turned around, making sure that no one was coming out of the house, "A little over a month ago, we tried to...ya know."

"And it didn't go as planned?"

Sam shook her head in the negative.

"Oh honey, I'm sure Jack understands." Janet grabbed Sam's hand lightly and cautiously.

"That's the thing though, he understood yes, but how much longer can I expect him to understand? I tried to force myself to relax and go with it. I thought I could fake it until it felt right. I do love Jack, but every time I felt his hands, my mind catapulted back to the dungeon. And then the baby. What if one day he just wakes up and realizes he is wasting all of his time on someone that doesn't have much to offer and he's raising a stranger's child?" Sam spoke fast and quietly. She had been harboring these thoughts for as long as she can remember. She didn't dare let them out before, not wanting to bring them to life, but they broke out of the dam of Sam's mind.

"I can tell you that he understands and loves you until I'm blue in the face Sam. But you have to believe that. So instead, I'll tell you to believe what he is showing you. Actions speak so much louder, and he is constantly showing you that he is here for you, that he loves that baby like his own."

"I don't know what I would do without you Janet. Thank you." Sam smiled warmly. Janet had been so strong and a great support system. Hearing a female perspective was so powerful and made Sam feel stronger about what the future would look like.

"Well, if you really want to thank me, you'll share some of that cake I peeped in the kitchen!" Janet laughed, breaking up the somber atmosphere with some humor.

"Help yourself, I'd serve you some but you know, eight month baby bump makes me a little less mobile these days." Sam rest back in her seat. This baby couldn't come soon enough.

Resting her hand lovingly on her stomach, her thoughts wandered to the guys upstairs. She and Jack decided to decorate the rooms in gender neutral colors. They wanted to be surprised at the birth. The more she thought about it, the more what Janet had said clicked. Jack was definitely acting like he wanted nothing more than to be close with her and this baby. She almost forgot at times that Jack wasn't actually the biological father. And for all intents and purposes, he is the father. He asked if he could adopt her child almost right away after she decided that she wanted to keep her baby. Jack wanted the baby to feel nothing less than what she deserved. Of course that was one more thing that Sam was hesitant about. She didn't want it to seem that she was just using Jack for security and her needs. But like always, Jack read her mind and put those concerns to rest. So she agreed and Jack acted like he had struck gold.

"I know you guys want to be surprised, but really, what are you hoping for?" Daniel asked, stopping mid-stroke of painting the wall. Sam left the particulars up to them as far as how to paint. They had decided to go with a soft yellow with a seafoam green as an accent wall. The crib was set to go against the accent wall, with a rocking chair in a corner on the other end. After what felt like hours, the two finally figured out how to assemble the changing table that was promised to be a quick job.

"We both really just want a healthy baby, but if I had to pick...I'd want a girl. A mini Sam, what could be more perfect? Want to be let in on a little secret?" Jack asked in a faux whisper. A mischievous glint in his eye.

"Sure!"

"When the baby is born, and Sam gets settled in back at home, I'm going to propose."

"Do you think she is ready for that? I mean, she loves you no doubt. Everyone could see the sparks between you two, hell the entire base had secret bets over you two. I just mean in regards to...you know." Daniel thought back to a previous meeting where Sam had a bad reaction to an innocent gesture of greeting her. It was several months since she had been back, and Sam appeared to be handling everything in stride and recovering well. She even had been regularly going to a therapist who specialised with trauma in military service members. There was no rule book or set timeline on when someone would fully recover from such a traumatic experience that Sam had been through.

"Yeah, I think she is ready. At least ready to be a family. She still needs time to heal, but that doesn't make me want her any less. I couldn't imagine being with anyone but her. And I heard those bets too. It used to kill me hearing all the remarks and having to act like I didn't and act like she was just my 2IC."

"Well, I'm happy for you."

"JACK! DANIEL!" Janet yelled, frantic and fear evident in her voice. Without a second thought, the paint brushes in their hands fell to the carpet, paint splattering everywhere. Flying down the steps, two at a time, Jack wasted no time reaching the patio where he heard Janet. She was speaking a mile a minute into the phone receiver, but everything seemed to be going in slow motion as Jack looked down to see Sam lying down in a growing pool of her own blood.