Hello everyone – I've been stuck indoors with a cyclone in Fiji so it's your lucky week. I've done lots of writing. Here's the next chapter :)

RPOV

I stumbled back to our apartment blindly. I didn't know how long I spent on the floor of the church, but I was aching all over and my throat and eyes were dry from crying.

I staggered through the door, a small part of me hopeful that I would find my husband, curled up on the couch reading one of his westerns.

When I did open the door Dimitri was nowhere in sight and I let out another strangled cry when I entered the bedroom to find most of his stuff was gone.

I dropped to my knees, surveying his empty open drawers and the empty nightstand where a stack of westerns usually sat.

What have I done?

Another round of heavy sobs came out of me but I was surprised to find that my eyes were dry. I had no more tears left to cry.

I scrambled to my feet quickly at the sound of a knock at the door.

"Dimitri!" I choked, running towards the door and throwing it open.

My heart sank to the floor when I instead saw Sydney standing before me, looking at me with pity.

"He's staying with us for a while, Rose," she said, stepping forward to catch me as I fell into her arms.

"What have I done?" I choked, turning numb as she gently closed the door and led me back to the couch. I mumbled that phrase over and over again; babbling nonsensically while Sydney watched me with concern.

I closed my eyes rocking back and forth when I felt something cold press against my hand.

"Drink," Sydney ordered.

I opened my eyes to find a cold glass of water pressed against me. I shook my head silently, going back to closing my eyes and gently rocking as I repeated that phrase over and over.

What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?

"Rose," Sydney said, her voice stern. "You need to drink this. You're dehydrated from all the crying."

I opened my eyes again and slowly took the glass from her, gently lifting it to my lips and taking a tentative sip.

What have I done?

Sydney took a seat back down on the couch opposite me, surveying me carefully.

"Better?" she asked.

I didn't respond. Better? I didn't feel better at all. I felt empty. I wouldn't feel better until I'd fixed this. What have I done?

"Rose?" she said, more forcefully this time. "Talk to me."

"How is he?" I whispered, my voice was so hoarse. I took another sip of water, forcing myself to focus on the feeling of the cool liquid as it slid down my throat.

"He's..." Sydney paused, giving a big sigh. "I have no idea." She answered honestly. "I left before he got there. But from the sounds of his phone call to Adrian, he's not doing great."

"God," I moaned, closing my eyes and letting my head fall into my hands. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Why did you do it, Rose?" she asked, bluntly as ever. "You've upset a lot of people. Adrian is furious. I can't imagine how Dimitri and Lissa must feel."

I swallowed, taking another sip with shakey hands.

What have I done?

"I'm a coward," I whispered eventually. "I couldn't bear to tell them... so it did it like that." I raised my head, meeting her cool gaze head-on. "Do you think they'll ever forgive me?" I asked, both desperate and absolutely terrified to hear the answer.

"I don't know," she answered again honestly, and it felt like my heart was falling through my chest and smashing on the floor. "You have a lot of work to do," she said, gentler this time.

I let out a heavy sigh, running my hands over my face.

"For what it's worth. I really, truly am sorry. I just got so wrapped up in my own head, in how I needed to do this. And I listened to that stupid voice in my head when it told me that telling them would jeopardise that. That I would never be able to go through with it."

She nodded, "I get it," she said finally. She suddenly looked down guiltily. "Was it really something I said?"

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Syd," I said, shaking my head firmly as her eyes flitted back up to meet mine. "It's my stupid plan. Just as it was my stupid idea to tell everyone the way that I did. It's got Rose logic written all over it. Don't blame yourself for even a second. You only pointed out the obvious, the Strigoi are a threat we have failed to adapt to, and time is running out."

"I know..." she said, her gaze far away before she continued, her voice low and urgent. "As Declan's mother, I support your decision. I believe that you did this for the right reasons and with noble intentions. I hate to admit it, but the plan could work. It could be the push we need to change our ways and gain the upper hand." She paused, meeting my gaze with an intensity that surprised me. "But as your friend... Rose, as your friend I am so scared for you."

"I'm scared too," I finally admitted, studying the ground beneath me as my confession hung heavy in the air between us.

What have I done?

I knocked hesitantly, taking a big breath and repeating my pep talk in my head. After Sydney and I had talked last night I had spent much of the night crying hysterically. I didn't think I could ever feel this horrible, this guilt-ridden and filled with fear. The very idea of what I'd done to Dimitri made me feel sick. So sick that after hearing about how Dimitri had reacted after running into Adrian I had fled to the sink, emptying the contents of my stomach into the cold, hard metal. But after hours of support, Sydney had given me exactly what I needed. She told me to suck it up, own my mistakes and get the hell onto fixing them.

So that's what I was doing.

The door swung open and there my best friend stood, looking tired and worn as another hot stab of guilt sliced through my chest

"Hey," I said, awkwardly hanging back by the door.

"Hey," she replied quietly, her gaze never quite meeting mine.

"Can we talk?" I asked, trying desperately to meet her eyes. "Please."

"Sure," she said with a small smile and a shrug, stepping out of the doorway to let me in.

"Thanks," I mumbled, walking over to the couch and sitting awkwardly.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" she asked and I shook my head, giving her a closed-lipped smile.

God, this is so awkward. I thought to myself as she nodded and took a seat opposite me. She's being so... formal.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her, taking in her red-ringed eyes that I'm sure matched my own.

"I've been better," she whispered, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. "You?"

"I've been better," I whispered back.

After a long moment of heavy silence, I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the lump there. "I'm so sorry," I managed to choke out eventually. "I shouldn't have sprung that on you all. It was wrong of me. I just... I was scared and I didn't know what else to do."

She nodded, her head bobbing up and down for a few beats too long.

"I'm your best friend, Rose," she said eventually, her eyes brimming with tears. "You could have told me. I may not have liked it, but you could have told me." Her eyes flitted away for a moment before she asked, "How is Dimitri?"

I felt all the blood rush from my face at even the mention of his name.

I don't know, Rose. He'd said it so coldly, his face trained into that well-practised expressionless mask. My heart ached at the pain I knew he was concealing behind it. At the pain I had caused.

"He... he –" a sob broke out my chest and Lissa leaned forward, placing a tissue in my hand.

"You should have told him," she said sadly, as I sniffled my thanks into the tissue. "You're my best friend and I know you didn't do it maliciously, but I can't pretend that was okay, Rose. I didn't deserve to find out like that. And Dimitri certainly didn't."

"I k-know," I stuttered, my head dropping into my hands. "God, what is wrong with me? I'm trying to do what's right, Liss, I swear it. But how can this be right when I'm hurting the people that I love? I never wanted to hurt any of you."

"I know you didn't," she replied softly.

"I feel like there's been a hole ripped through my chest," I cried, staring down at my feet bleakly. "The guilt, it's crippling. You should have seen the look on his face, Lissa. He... he hates me."

"Give him some time, Rose," she said gently, watching me with sad eyes.

Lissa didn't argue with that statement which only made me cry harder. He hates me. I thought to myself as a lead ball settled itself inside my stomach, hot and heavy. He hates me. I've done it; I've ruined the best thing to ever happen to me. Heavy, ugly sobs filled the silence in the room.

When I finally worked myself out of my state I looked up to see Lissa was watching me, tears streaming down her face.

"Liss?" I whispered hoarsely. I immediately got up and dropped down onto the couch next to her. "I'm so sorry," I cried, putting my arm around her and dropping my head into her shoulder. "Please forgive me. I have to know you forgive me. I love you so much, I never should have told you like that."

"Why did you keep this from me, Rose? You could have talked to me. Instead, you put me in this awful position with no warning at all." There was a touch of anger in her tone, laced in with the sorrow.

"I have no good excuse," I said, squaring my shoulders. Own your mistakes and get the hell onto fixing them. "I was a coward and I will be working to make this up to you all for the rest of my life. But I can promise you one thing, Liss. From this point forward, I swear to always be honest with you. I won't keep things from you because I think they're hard to talk about, or because I want to protect you. I'll always be straight with you and I will never put you in this kind of position again. As for why I did this, please try to understand that I need to do this... I need to do something. I really do want to change our world for the better. I want to save us and our children from a future too terrifying to imagine."

There was a long moment of silence and I sat, holding my breath as I awaited her response to my apology. I had meant every word, even if she forgave me now, I would work to continue to earn that forgiveness. I wouldn't be repeating my mistakes.

"I understand," she said eventually and I wept in relief when she placed her arms around me. "You've given up so much for this world already, Rose. You've given up so much for me. I owe it to you to understand. I may not like it, but I understand."

We sat like that for a long time, tears streaming down our faces as we hugged. Could this be one of the last times? I hugged her body harder against mine at the thought and felt a sob break out from her chest as the realisation hit her too.

"Can I ask you for something?" She said eventually, pulling back from my embrace and turning her body to face mine.

"Anything," I replied sincerely. "Anything you need Liss, it's yours."

She scoffed, "You've already given me everything, Rose. But... I would like to ask one more thing of you. If you're really going to do this... can you please wait until after my wedding? I know it sounds silly and shallow," she continued quickly, "but I can't bear the thought... if anything were to happen." She barely made it through that sentence and I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as my chest constricted. What if something happened to me and Dimitri never forgave me? I pushed the thought from my mind, focusing on Lissa as she continued. "I just, I really need my best friend at my wedding," Lissa continued. "You're my family. The only family I have left. I don't want any part in a day where you're not there."

I nodded, the knot in my chest lessening some at her acceptance of my apology.

"Of course," I promised, holding her hands tightly in mine. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

We had numerous council meetings over the coming days where my safety was discussed and the date was set; I was to leave Court straight after the Royal wedding. The back-story for leaving Court was also decided - my mother was going to fake a bad injury in the field (and Vlad, has she been pissed when she had first heard my plan). We would leak this information through the Alchemists and hope it trickled down to the Strigoi through a source they had previously identified as dirty and kept open for situations such as this. We would leak where she was being treated and that I was likely to rush to her side, unprotected.

I hadn't seen Dimitri since our talk in the church. I was trying to give him space like he had asked me for. But there was a gnawing feeling inside of me that warned that space was the exact opposite of what we needed right now. What if he never forgave me? What if every day apart only served to solidify his disgust and distrust towards me? The fear was almost crippling and I didn't know how much longer I could take of the hopeless, pitiful, waiting.

Every day as I entered the meetings my gaze would flit pathetically around the room, praying to see my husband towering over the crowd, still angry, but quietly watching and showing that no matter how badly I had messed up, he would always love me.

But he never showed.

Please don't forget to review if you are reading this story and let me know what you like/dislike and what you would like to see happen next! So many of your comments align with my plan for the story so it's nice to see I'm on the right track!