Doofenshmirtz wasn't entirely sure what was going on. Something about pistachio monsters that were taking over the city. There were two people from the future, one of them a normal person (probably, though Doofenshmirtz wouldn't be surprised if he ended up being, like, a ghost from the 1800s or something) and the other was somehow a computer. Then there was this guy from the past, and a child in the middle of all of this. That was all Doofenshmirtz knew, but he'd dealt with less than that before. He wouldn't let something as silly as a lack of knowledge stop him.
Doofenshmirtz wasn't all that disappointed that they weren't actually traveling back in time. He had actually invented a time machine, and it had worked! Sure, the machine itself wasn't perfect, but it had definitely seemed to be doing the job okay enough, and it hadn't blown up. It was exciting, and when the world wasn't in danger, he could always try time traveling again. He probably would have to try time traveling again sooner rather than later, because they had to get Orton back to his own time.
First things first though, they had to deal with this pistachio problem. Dakota was right, they didn't really have a plan, but Doofenshmirtz was sure that once they rejoined with Milo and his little friends,once they knew just what resources they had at their disposal, they'd be able to better come up with a plan that might work.
Because of Dakota's hacking, when they pulled out of the time stream they found themselves right at the warehouse where they were meeting with the others, and there wasn't even a pistachio creature in sight. For once, things seemed to be going their way.
"Should we try to conceal the time vehicle?" Cavendish asked nervously.
"It's out of time juice. The pistachions wouldn't be able to use it anyways," Dakota said. "Right now, we just have to focus on fixing the problems we already have. We can't really worry about problems that could show up."
It made sense to Doofenshmirtz, so he followed Dakota to the entrance of the warehouse. Doofenshmirtz knew that Dakota was really eager to see Milo, so he thought that he would hurry inside as soon as possible, but Dakota hesitated as he looked at the warehouse. He seemed to be considering something.
After a moment Dakota turned towards Perry the Platypus. "I know this address, and I don't think you want the kids in there to know you're, you know, a secret agent."
Perry the Platypus looked alarmed for a second before he nodded and took his hat off, going to all fours. Doofenshmirtz hated when Perry the Platypus did this. He knew that Perry the Platypus wasn't just a mindless animal who sat around all day not doing much, so it was unnerving to see him act like he was. Doofenshmirtz would rather that Perry the Platypus didn't hide who he really was, but Perry the Platypus and Dakota both seemed to know what they were doing. If they thought it was best for him to basically be undercover, then Doofenshmirtz wasn't going to question it.
They entered the warehouse, and immediately saw Milo waiting there for them.
"Dakota!" Milo wrapped his arms around Dakota. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to worry you."
"It's alright," Dakota assured him. "I'm just glad you're okay. So, these new friends of yours, they wouldn't happen to be Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, would they?"
"Well, I don't know those last names, but Phineas and Ferb are here, yeah," Milo said. Doofenshmirtz wasn't familiar with those names, but Dakota clearly knew who they were, and he looked excited. "There's also Candace, Baljeet, and Buford,"
"Almost the whole gang," Dakota muttered. His eyes flashed as his gears began to turn. He was already coming up with a plan. "I guess Isabella's with the other Fireside Girls,"
Doofenshmirtz and Milo both gave Dakota a confused look. "Who are these guys?" Doofenshmirtz asked.
"They become pretty big deals in their time," Dakota said. "I really can't think of anyone whose help I would rather have to deal with these nut jobbers." Well, the supercomputer knew best.
"Would they be able to know how to stop the pistachions?" Doofenshmirtz asked.
Dakota closed his eyes and seemed to think it through carefully. "As adults, maybe, but right now they're just kids. I think they'd do better at holding off and fighting the pistachions, but stopping them for good...statistically, I think the chances are better for you to figure out how to stop them."
"Why don't they work together?" Milo asked, and Doofenshmirtz thought he agreed. Two heads, or three, were better than one.
"I considered that," Dakota said, "But sometimes when these three work together on something, well...there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, you know. Too many chefs in the kitchen, you know?"
Doofenshmirtz was just confused. He didn't work with other scientists, let alone children. He didn't even know who these kids were, but Dakota seemed pretty confident that he shouldn't work with them, and Perry the Platypus was nodding along in alarm. The two of them knew something that he didn't.
Milo was unconvinced. "Well, we can try working in separate groups, but if Doofenshmirtz needs help, you really should ask for help."
Doofenshmirtz didn't really mind asking for help. He was a proud man, but he wasn't arrogant enough to think he was above help. "I'll do that," Doofenshmirtz actually wouldn't mind working with this Phineas and Ferb from the start, but it Dakota and Perry the Platypus didn't think it was a good idea, then he would trust them.
"Murphy," Cavendish came in behind them. He seemed relieved. "Good to see you,"
"You too, Cavendish," Milo said cheerfully. "And you, Orton."
"What are we doing here?" Orton asked.
"Getting reinforcements," Dakota said. "Milo, how about you take Cav and Orton back to the others and see if you guys can all figure out a way to fight off the pistachions." Milo nodded and lead the others into the main room of the warehouse, leaving just Dakota, Doofenshmirtz, and Perry the Platypus.
"So, I guess that leaves us to brainstorming how to get rid of these pistachions," Doofenshmirtz guessed.
"I already have a couple of ideas," Dakota said. "I'm guessing you do too,"
Doofenshmirtz hadn't thought a lot about what his thoughts were, but thinking about it for a moment, he realized that he actually had a bunch of half baked ideas running around in his head. All he had to do was develop one of those ideas until it was at least three quarters of the way baked, and they'd be able to really work something out.
"Yeah, I have some plans," Doofenshmirtz said. "We just have to work through them."
"I'm really good at doing that," Dakota said confidently. A moment later he chuckled and put his hands in his pockets. "Well, I'm good with working through other people's thoughts. My own, I don't understand them half the time,"
"I know the feeling," Doofenshmirtz said. His thoughts were sometimes so scattered that his -inators would end up as a disorganized mess that even he didn't understand.
The three of them left the small entryway as Dakota brought them to a side room. "The boys probably won't come in here, but it's probably better to be safe than sorry," Dakota said to Perry the Platypus. Doofenshmirtz was disappointed that Perry the Platypus decided to keep his hat off. He was still a secret agent, but right now he also felt the need to pretend that he was a regular animal, which was...fine. It was fine.
"So...pistachios," Doofenshmirtz said, not knowing how else to get them started. "What are their natural enemy?"
"In the wild? fungi," Dakota said. "They carry diseases and infect plants all the time, but fungal diseases are unpredictable."
"We'll just have to figure out how to make them more predictable," Doofenshmirtz said confidently. That was what he felt the whole point of science was, to control the uncontrollable. "Or we can figure something else out entirely. If we can't use pistachio's natural enemy, what about an unnatural enemy?"
Dakota paused. His eyes sparked, and Doofenshmirtz found himself staring in fascination. It wasn't something that he had seen in computers or humans. He wondered what exactly it meant. He'd seen this kind of thing from Dakota a couple of times, and he still didn't know for sure if it happened because Dakota was losing control of his emotions, or if it was an indication that Dakota was searching for information.
"Yeah, humans have always been really good at finding new ways to destroy nature, even if it's just by accident." Dakota said. "We could always try using pesticides and weed killers, except these pistachions are from the future. For all I know, they could be completely genetically adapted to the weed killers in this time period."
"We could do things that destroy plants and nature in general," Doofenshmirtz suggested. "Like fire!"
Dakota frowned slightly. "If all of the pistachios weren't right near the people they were keeping imprisoned, I would say go for it, but I don't think Milo would be very happy with me putting his family in danger." Doofenshmirtz knew that Dakota cared a lot about Milo, but now it was clear that he also really cared about what Milo thought of him. Doofenshmirtz himself didn't quite agree with this. He'd learned in his childhood, and was trying really hard to keep in mind all the time, that if he spent all his time trying to be who someone else wanted him to be, he would just end up miserable, and they would ultimately be disappointed. He couldn't imagine Dakota or Milo would ultimately be really happy with this setup, but right now wasn't the time for Doofenshmirtz to tackle it, so he let it go, at least for the moment.
"Okay, so fire is going on our 'plan B' list," Doofenshmirtz said. He frequently had more 'plan B's than 'plan A's, it was how he worked best. He knew that it wasn't for everyone though. "So we need something that will kill plants, but won't hurt people."
"There are lots of things that are harmful to the environment," Dakota said thoughtfully. "But something that is harmless to humans? There's not actually all that much out there. Humans are part of nature."
Doofenshmirtz didn't know a whole lot about nature and environment. It wasn't something that he thought a lot about before except when he was using it for a scheme or plan of his. However, there was one small bit of information that was always lingering at the back of his mind that had been brought closer to the front when he'd thought they were going back to the year 1965.
"What about soda?" Doofenshmirtz asked. "I know of a brand of soda that got discontinued because it was supposedly 'bad for the environment'."
Dakota flinched and frowned slightly. "Are you talking about Wyatt Burp orange soda?"
Doofenshmirtz was surprised at first. Not many people remembered Wyatt Burp brand soda, but then again, Dakota was a supercomputer. He had all kinds of information at his disposal. "Yeah, that's it," Dakota looked slightly ill, which was surprising. Doofenshmirtz didn't think he'd ever get over just how expressive Dakota was. It was extremely fascinating. But maybe right now, when Dakota seemed so distressed, it wasn't the right time to focus on it. "What's wrong?"
Dakota stiffened. He looked really defensive. "Well, the soda is just as bad for Squips as they are for the environment." Dakota glanced towards the exit. "If a Squip's host drinks Wyatt Burp orange soda, the Squip gets shut down."
"Alright, nothing we can't deal with," Doofenshmirtz said. "We'll just keep you, Milo, and Cavendish away from the soda. We'd just be using it on the pistachions anyways, that is, if it'll actually destroy them," Doofenshmirtz gave Dakota a questioning look. He hadn't actually seen what Wyatt Burp orange soda did to plants and the environment, but Dakota probably knew the specifics better than he did.
"Oh, it would work," Dakota said confidently. "Just a few drops would be enough to kill any plant, even mutated plants like the pistachions."
Doofenshmirtz hummed slightly. If they basically just had to splash the pistachions, there were a couple of ways they could do that. "Where are the pistachions?"
"Lard World." Dakota said. "Nearly all pistachions are there, except for a few stragglers."
"Most is better than nothing," Doofenshmirtz said. "And if they're in the amusement park, we can deal with that. If we can hook the soda up to the water system of the park and turn on the sprinkler system, we're good to go."
"Where are we supposed to get enough of a discontinued soda to do that?" Dakota crossed his arms.
"We can make it ourselves," Doofenshmirtz said. If Dakota had a recipe for the soda, Doofenshmirtz knew that he'd be able to come up with something that would work.
Dakota blinked. The idea seemed to have not even occurred to him. Doofenshmirtz felt proud that he had been able to think of something before a super computer could. "Actually, that could probably work, although..would it be easier to make the soda if we had a sample of it?" Dakota's question was hesitant, like he didn't know if he even wanted to know the answer.
"Actually, that would make things go a lot faster," Doofenshmirtz looked at Dakota in confusion and slight suspicion. "But I thought the whole reason why we needed to make the soda was because it isn't available in this time,"
"Yeah, but Cavendish might have some on hand." Dakota said quietly. Doofenshmirtz paused and narrowed his eyes at Dakota.
"He has a Squip programmed in him, right?" Doofenshmirtz asked. Dakota nodded. "Why would he have something that would shut you off?"
Dakota flinched slightly as he drew in on himself. "That's actually what he wanted it for," Doofenshmirtz stared at him in shock. Before he could even think of what he could say, Dakota cut in again. "It's really complicated, but we're trying to figure it out, okay?"
No, Doofenshmirtz didn't think that it was okay at all, but he knew they didn't really have time to deal with it right now. Besides, whatever was going on between Dakota and Cavendish was their business, not his.
"If Cavendish still has the soda, we can use it," Doofenshmirtz said.
"Give me a second," Dakota said as he closed his eyes. He was quiet for a long, tense moment before Dakota opened his eyes again. "Cavendish still has the stuff, and I thought he would. He hates wasting or throwing things away if he's paid for them. He and Orton are going to be getting them." Dakota turned to Perry the Platypus, who Doofenshmirtz was unnerved to notice that he had completely forgotten was even there. This was why he didn't like when Perry the Platypus took his hat off. "Can you go with them and make sure they don't get themselves killed?"
Perry the Platypus nodded and slipped his hat back on, which Doofenshmirtz really appreciated. Perry the Platypus made his way out of the room to meet up with the others.
Dakota stretched and adjusted his glasses. "I guess the two of us should see if we can find some soda making ingredients so we can get started as soon as Cavendish and the others get back."
Doofenshmirtz agreed, but he couldn't keep himself from asking just one question. "You really trust Cavendish to get the soda after what he did?"
Dakota gave him a small smile. "Cavendish asked me the same thing. But yeah, I think I really do." And that was good enough for Doofenshmirtz.
"In that case, let's get to work," Doofenshmirtz said. They had pistachions to get rid of.
A/N: This whole pistachion arc is lasting a lot longer than I thought it would. I like how much I've changed it, but it's definitely a lot more than what I was expecting. I think that next chapter should be the last one of this arc, and then we'll finally be going into the second season. I'm not positive about just how I'm going to be ending this story, but I'll figure something out.
(Also, please just forget about how I never actually had Cavendish and Dakota make that phone call to Milo, which was the thing that started this whole arc in the first place. I tried, but I couldn't figure out how to fit them making the phone call into the story in a natural way. Just assume it happened off screen or something).