Love
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Eren woke up screaming.
It was so shrill that it speared Levi awake, and for a second he thought the worst. Anxious eyes searched the boy's face, but it appeared that the boy had not waken at all. He screamed and screamed, but his eyes were closed.
Levi watched as the unconscious boy thrashed around in bed, cold sweat dripping off his face.
"Eren. Eren, wake up."
But the boy would not wake.
The shrieks carried on, tearing away at his flesh, a sound more terrible than anything he had ever heard. Levi stood up, gazing down at the boy unsurely, his strong arms hanging uselessly at his sides.
Again, the man bent down to shake those thin shoulders, yet it was moot. The child inhaled deeply, and started screaming again, twitching horribly.
Levi got up and made a beeline for Hanji's dorm on the upper floors. He took the stairs three at a time and jumped over the second-floor balcony. Finally, he arrived outside Hanji's door and knocked it straight off its hinges.
"Jesus!" Exclaimed Hanji, sitting up in the dark.
"Shut it and come with me."
"Levi?" She asked groggily, picking up her glasses from the nightstand and jamming it onto her face.
"Hurry." Glowered Levi.
"Alright, alright, I'm coming…" Hanji grumbled as she climbed out of bed. Pulling on her jacket over her pajamas, she followed Levi back to the dungeons. Even from afar, they could hear the incessant screams.
Hanji looked at Levi in apprehension, "What's wrong with him?"
"I don't know." Frowned Levi, and he walked quicker still, "I can't wake him, and he won't stop screaming."
Hanji frowned as well as she burst into the small room after Levi. Eren was still lying in bed, the thin blankets wrapped around him like a snake. His hair was drenched with sweat.
Anxiously, Hanji pried open Eren's eyelids to look at his pupils. They were dilated. His pulse was also racing. Before she could do anything else, the screaming stopped as abruptly as it had started.
"What did you do?" Asked Levi, who was standing behind her shoulder, a look of deep concern shadowed in his cold eyes.
"Nothing." Replied Hanji, "He just stopped."
Both of them stared intently at the boy, who was breathing heavily but sound asleep, one small fist clenched around a corner of his blanket, his wet hair plastered to his pale face.
Hanji pushed her glasses with the tip of her fingers, "He'll be okay. I think it's just night terrors."
Levi did not reply. He did not care what night terrors were, as long as it was curable. He sat down next to Eren and wiped the sleeping child's sweaty face with a piece of handkerchief somewhat roughly.
"It makes sense. He's been through a lot." Hanji continued. "Prison can't have been a treat; he was probably knocked around quite a bit. Not to mention the starving and torturing and –"
"I don't give a shit what caused it." Levi said darkly, and Hanji stopped at the look on his face. "Just tell me how to stop it."
"…I never thought I'd say this, Levi." Hanji said mildly, pleasantly surprised, "But you're acting like…"
"Like what?" Asked Levi sharply, his tone dangerous.
Hanji grinned sheepishly, not sure if she dared to finish the end of her sentence. At last, she shrugged at him, "A father. A protective one, too."
The slanted, frigid eyes narrowed into slits, and Hanji threw up her hands in defeat before he could say anything.
"Okay, okay, do you want to know how to stop it or what?" She asked good-naturedly, changing the topic.
"…Just tell me." He scowled.
"Try waking him up for a while before he drifts off into deep sleep every night. Don't try to wake him when he's in the middle of an episode; I'm not sure that'll do any good. And I guess…soothe him in any way you can."
Levi frowned at the last few words, "Soothe him?" He repeated. None of this seemed like actual medical treatments in his opinion.
"Well, it's mostly psychological." Hanji said, secretly enjoying the expression on Levi's face, "Reassuring him might reduce the level of trauma and stress."
"And how do I…" Levi frowned again, hating every single second of this, "…reassure him?"
Hanji's grin spread wider. She seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. As she walked out of the door, she patted Levi lightly on the shoulder.
"Lots of love, of course."
Levi looked murderous.
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Levi was in a bad mood all week. Not only did the fresh scar on his back stab at him from time to time, the experiments Hanji are conducting day and night on the inhibitors were going nowhere. On top of that, the sleep terrors have not stopped.
He had tried, to the best of his ability, to be "reassuring". However, he had never been attentive, and had no clue how to ease the boy. He detested it – the feeling of being useless. He had slain monsters, yet now a trembling child who never ceases to have nightmares have utterly stumped him.
Lots of love… Levi thought disdainfully. It would have been easier if Hanji had said a new kidney was the cure. At least he'd know how to give it. It was easy for her to brush off night terrors as a minor condition, she didn't listen to the boy shriek in agony continuously; she didn't go to bed each night wondering if the boy would have terrible nightmares that couldn't be alleviated; she didn't see how white the boy's face looked, or how cold the boy's skin was…
Levi suddenly remembered how Hanji had said he was acting like a protective father figure, and his mood turned for the worse. Scowling hard, he accidentally broke off a piece of wood off a chair's handle from scrubbing too hard: he had been cleaning the room to take the edge off.
A few feet away from him, Eren yelped at the noise. Round green eyes found the broken wood splinter on the floor and the lethal look on Levi's face, and the boy gulped. Levi was angry, but he didn't know why. He had been dusting as carefully as he could, but he couldn't help wondering if the man was mad at him for doing such a poor job.
Hurriedly, the boy grabbed the broomstick that was way too big for him and clumsily swept at an already clean spot. He worked laboriously, but in exceedingly slow motions due to his small size. When he finally almost poked Levi's eye out with the end of the broomstick, the man snatched it away from him.
"That's enough." Levi said sharply.
Eren twisted his small hands with his head bowed, looking very helpless. "…Sorry." He said in a tiny voice.
Looking at the boy, Levi realized that he had, again, been too harsh with him. Somehow, the more Hanji urged him to be loving, the harder he found it to be. Taking a deep breath, Levi cleared his throat before addressing the boy again.
"Good job today, Eren." He said awkwardly. "Well done."
It was the best he could do in being reassuring.
Eren jerked up his head to gaze up at the man, "Really?" He asked in sincerity.
"Yes." The man affirmed, "Thanks for…your help."
A small smile broke across the boy's faded face. He took a step closer to Levi subconsciously, as if hoping to close the distance between them so he could hug the man, but tripped at the last second.
Levi's fast reflexes allowed him to bend down and grab hold of Eren's forearm before he stumbled face first onto the pile of dust that had been swept together.
However, the boy came shockingly close to the ashes and inhaled quite an abundant amount inside his chest. Eren squeezed his eyes shut as they watered – he wanted to hold it back but he couldn't – it was building inside him –
"Achoo!" The boy sneezed into the dust.
Eren sniffed a couple of times and wiped his face and nose with his sleeve. He was surprised to find it covered in soot. Suddenly realizing something, the boy raised his head in grave fright. In front of his eyes was the kneeling man, his entire face, chest, and arms in the same soot that covered the boy.
Eren felt something lodged in his throat and gulped hard. "S-Sorry." He squeaked.
He could feel the storm coming. Through the ashen face glowed the furious eyes of the man, his upper body almost shaking in anger and repulsion of the dirt.
The boy quickly snapped his eyes shut. However, seconds passed and nothing happened. Slowly, Eren opened one eye a sliver to carefully peer at the man. He was still in the same kneeling position, though he looked as if he was struggling with himself.
Finally, a forced voice of nonchalance sounded.
"…It's fine." Said the man through gritted teeth. Each word seemed to take an immense amount of effort. "We'll…just…take a bath."
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Levi scrutinized the boy's bare back in concentration. The days in the prison had done its toll on Eren – he was even skinnier than before. The bones from his spine poked out obviously. The small torso was also filled with bruises from the chains, black and purple all over.
The kid didn't notice though. He was happily playing with the bubbles in the wooden tub. Eren grabbed at them delightfully, and giggled softly every time a bubble popped, his small body shaking in fits.
Levi's mood was in stark contrast with Eren's. A million thoughts were racing through his mind as he contemplated what Eren had been through during his imprisoned time to cause these nightmares and those terrible screams.
"Eren." The man called quietly.
Eren immediately recoiled and shrunk back, afraid of angering the man. He sat still and hung his head as Levi roughly scrubbed his hair clean of dust.
"No, you don't have to stop." Levi said.
Eren brightened and turned around to face Levi, leaving Levi's hands to hang in midair.
"Do you want to play?" He asked eagerly.
"… …" Levi froze. It was not a question he had ever been asked, and truthfully, he did not know how to answer.
Eren did not wait for him. The small hands grabbed the large ones, and plunged them into the warm water to scoop up a handful of bubbles. The boy then took a breath so deep that his ribcage became visible, and bulged out his cheeks as he blew as hard as he could into the white foams.
Bubbles flew up in all directions, a particularly large one reflecting the scene below: a child filled with yearning, and a man stunned into silence.
As a bubble popped near Levi's nose, splattering them with soapy drips of water, Eren laughed.
Levi's eyes widened in the slightest. He had never heard the kid laugh before, and it was a sound like no other. The childish laughter was like a sweet tune of music, carried out by the most delicate instrument, dancing around the room, bouncing off the walls, until it had absorbed all the happiness in the world…
He had never known laughter to be like this.
"…Are you happy here?" He asked quietly when he found his voice. It suddenly seemed imperative to know the answer.
Still grinning, Eren nodded. "Are you?" He asked back.
Again, the simple words of a child rendered the man speechless. Happiness was a foreign substance to him, something he had not strived to find. There had always been another task at hand. Another mission. Another expedition. He had obligations to fulfill, and in addition, the burning will of others that have died to further the cause. He had never considered the condition of being happy. In fact, he wasn't sure if he had ever been happy.
In the end, he decided to gloss over the question as though he hadn't heard it and focus instead on the matter at hand.
"Yet you're still having nightmares." He said calmly.
Eren's face fell. The boy didn't speak, but merely turned away so he wouldn't face Levi. His bony back was hunched feebly. The boy hugged his knees and rested his chin on his arms.
"It won't be like this forever." Levi pressed on, "Once you're well enough, the experiments have to start again."
"…Why?" Murmured the boy.
Levi sighed, "Because we have to make sure you don't turn again. Or else they will take you away." He bit back on the "indefinitely".
"But I didn't mean to!" Eren whirled around, splashing water everywhere.
Levi looked exasperated. "…I know."
"Can't you – can't you stop them?" The boy asked earnestly, his eyes filled with hope.
Levi stared into them for a while before breaking eye contact. "Physically, yes. Politically, though…"
"What's poly-tea-callie?"
Levi merely started scrubbing the boy's hair again, though his actions softened. The kid was dumb, clumsy, and incredibly ignorant of everything in occurrence. He was volatile and unstable; happy for one second, and crying the next. He had so many emotions that Levi was surprised he didn't simply burst from them. Yet however weak the child was, he possessed something so powerful that it had chased away the most horrendous demons residing inside the man.
"…Nothing that concerns you, Eren."
"So what do I do?" Asked the boy as he squeezed one eye shut. The soap had run down one side of his face due to the man's inexperience in giving baths.
"Just be a kid." Levi replied. "Be happy."
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