I had no intentions of being physically involved with Lestrade. Damn it all. Damn it all. It was as if I was working out every one of my frustrations out on him.
"Watch it!" He shouted. "You're going to break my jaw!"
I let out a breath. "Choke on it," I told him.
"I knew you were likely into kinky shit but are you trying to kill me?"
"You're talking," I reminded him.
"It's important we keep open communications… I don't want a repeat of last time…"
"Fine communicate, but shut up!"
We moved onto anal. My mind was on fire; my body surged with electricity. I could go like this for hours.
"Are you nearly finished?" He asked, panting for breath.
I smothered his face with a pillow and kept at it.
"Damnit, I've lost my stride. Don't look at me!"
"I've got a bloody pillow over my head! How am I supposed to be looking at anything?" He asked.
"We'll need to start over, turn over, lie down in a prone position." I removed the pillow from his face and he began to speak. "Just do it!"
He rolled over, I got on top of him, and we continued. My heart pounded in my chest and in my ears. My blood coursed through my veins. I could feel it tingling in my groin. I couldn't form coherent thoughts. It was like ecstasy.
I felt my soul leave my body. I was one with the universe. There was nothing left of me but pulsations. I was spent.
"Again," I moaned, collapsing onto his sweaty backside.
"You're crazy."
"I want to be free of suffering and desire. I want to lose all sense of self. To die and be reborn."
"You want me to fuck your brains out?"
"Please," I begged.
I must have blacked out because next thing I knew I was in the shower being scrubbed clean of my sins.
"Huh-uh-uh," I said, unable to form words.
"Now rinse," he said, handing me the shower head.
"Again," I demanded.
"You need rest."
"I'll sleep when I'm dead."
I was an uncoordinated mess but I got it up again and we had at it until I was unconscious once more.
I woke up in his bed, all too aware of my body and the soreness deep in my bones. I couldn't move, everything hurt. I was disappointed to come crashing down from my high.
Somehow Lestrade was up and moving. He'd had years more experience than I had.
"Come on, I'll drive you home," he said, patting me on the bottom.
"Don't touch me," I told him.
"It's late, we're already in trouble."
"You're in trouble. I'm irreproachable. Just a young naive fool. I've fallen victim to your lust," I threw an arm over my face and pretended to faint.
"Put your clothes on." He threw my outfit at me in a crumpled up heap.
"I'm just another notch in the bedpost," I complained but Lestrade paid me no mind. He was already dressed. "You don't care…"
"Of course I care! Don't act like this…"
"Like you're using me? Because you are."
"I have nothing but the deepest respect for you. You're an incredible man. I just wish we weren't who we were; then I could see us being more together."
"Who says that I want to be with you?"
"What do you want from me?" He asked, exasperated. "I'd give anything to be with you but I can't."
I ran my fingers along the headboard. "See, I'm just a toy."
"Just tell me what you want!"
"I want nothing to do with you," I told him.
"You're like a bloody cat! I give you everything I have and yet you still bite back!"
"You would rather be with Gregson."
"He means nothing to me," Lestrade insisted.
"He's plotting my demise…"
"Not everyone is out to get you."
"Financial ruin isn't enough for him. He wants to tear my life apart from the inside. He'll turn everyone against me. You, John, Mycroft…" I didn't really care if he'd turned Mycroft against me seeing as he already wasn't my biggest fan.
"You've had your run in with baddies your whole life. Gregson just doesn't fit the bill."
"He has the upper hand but I'm ken to his game."
"I hate to say this but you're paranoid," Lestrade said, gripping me firmly by the shoulder.
"I'll play along, plan my course of attack, and when he sweeps the rug out from under me, I'll pounce!"
"Your family can't all be evil."