As she was preparing to teach Zhurin and the others Azula looked back at the day she received the teaching from Lao. She was warned on that day by her friends Jhana and Mudita that it would be his most powerful exercise yet. It was the early morning and she was wide awake after a pleasant sleep. The bed she had in the common room was of course not comparable to that in the palace but it sure was way better than being tied down to it. On her bedside she had Shen's flowers in a vase. She would hold Maitri's figurine in her hand as she sank into sleep and she would carry it around with her wherever she went. She hadn't told Lao yet that she had it nor did she tell Maitri so far that when she imagined the Mother she saw her. She wondered what their reaction would be, something weird and compassionate probably. It had time.

Lao spoke and she listened eagerly and attentively:

"Today my fellow students, friends, we are going to do an exercise that the previous ones have been leading up to. An exercise that will strengthen your practice and strengthen you. So far you've been wishing well to others and yourself and trying to see the Mother clearly before you with your inner eye. Today we are going to combine these two practices for the greater benefit of both."

As the days went by Azula felt more and more comfortable with both practices. She was starting to feel a sense of pride and achievement, something she strived for all her life. Something she had believed lost in her darkest moments. She had wondered whether her new friends were performing the practice of wishing well for her and she even awkwardly asked some of them... but not Shen, not him! They all replied positively. Her mind had calmed with a sense of great relief after the vision was gone and with her heart she was beginning to sense something too, faintly at first but slowly growing stronger. It was new and unfamiliar and as painfully pleasant as the feeling she had the first night when she tried wishing well to herself and later to Lao. But she knew she didn't want to lose it.

As she breathed deeply and focused on Lao's words and presence and that of the others she remembered her own words: "Trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way." Perhaps she was a fool, but perhaps she was taking a calculated risk. She swore to herself with passion that all would pay dear if they betrayed or abandoned her but she prayed with even greater passion that this day would never come.

Lao continued: "I hope by now you can see the Mother clearly before you in all her majesty and grace and feel, at least for a moment, the great love she has for us all. Strengthened and equipped with this image I want you to go even a step further. Today you are going to imagine you were her. Perhaps this request is strange and unusual, perhaps some of the men here even have issue with imagining themselves as a woman. But I tell you two things. First, the Mother walked as a man countless times in countless previous lives. In her final incarnation however she realized her own true nature and that of others. Where others only saw form, man or woman, beast, spirit or human, she saw the truth. The truth of suffering and how to end it. This very focus on form alone is what keeps us stuck. We are all infected by the perception that we are all separate islands onto ourselves, that we have nothing in common with others. Yet we all crave connection with those very separate others. I tell you now this connection is already there, always present, we just need eyes to see it, the Mother's eyes. Which brings me to point number two, the Mother's nature. We are all blessed with it. It's the fundamentally good part of us that might be obscured by illusion but which can never be destroyed, not even in a thousand lifetimes in Hell. It however craves expression and imagining yourself as the being who expresses it most fully will help do exactly that. Therefore I will now ask you, my friends, to imagine each point of the Mother's image with your inner eye but this time feel it on your body, imagine it were you. Enlightenment isn't something only others posses or something separate from you, it is you."

Lao spoke slowly and carefully yet his eagerness and passion shone through every syllable. Azula tried to absorb it all yet he was right, the request was indeed unusual yet the promise of it's benefit was great. She wondered by what set of circumstance this man could arrive to such beliefs, by what proof he came to this conviction that all were worthy of not just receiving blessings from Guan Yin but to be her. She would ask, she would ask much more too. Some questions were starting to burn on her soul. But for now she would follow instructions. In her nights and waking moments she could already see the goddess pretty clearly in her imagination. Now, she tried imagining wearing her clothes and garments at first. After a while she felt a familiar feeling, she felt royal and majestic but it wasn't exactly the same as back in the palace. Somehow it felt even... better, more natural and beautiful. Lao gave her and the others much time to focus.

"Now, that we have established ourselves in her image we are going to do what the Mother does for us all, pray for all beings. Starting with ourselves we are going even a step further. We are going to imagine ourselves as a child. For in all of us there is an inner child we are bound to take care of. A child that needs and craves our care and love. We are now going to give exactly that love to that child. Imagine it and speak the words and when you are ready, hug it."

Azula now imagined herself. From the family portraits and her memories of seeing herself in the mirror she could see herself being little with relative ease. Some images however came on their own. She saw herself playing with Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee. She saw her mother and... she heard the word she dreaded and hated so much: monster. She now saw her little self in a dark prison cell, shouted at and denigrated by familiar voices. Her child self cried and shouted "mother"!

Guan Yin.

Azula had a mother. Not Ursa, but a greater, more loving and more true one and she was there to help. And not just her, she had Lao, Maitri, the others. Even Shen she wagered. She still didn't understand how they could see something good in her when her wise uncle, her own family and friends didn't. She remembered Maitri's words that compassion was a gift freely given and now in this moment of challenge, in this moment of truth she decided to make use of it. With the strength of the great Mother she now gave to herself what her own mother denied her. The cell disappeared, the voices stopped, the environment was light and in bloom and she could see her child self smiling. She hugged her.

She didn't mind if anyone now saw her tears.

-to be continued