Birds chirp loudly outside the bedroom window, and I let out a low groan. How can anyone's head be this painful? A bush of red hair greets me as I open my eyes, and I squint, trying to get used to the brightness from outside.
Too many things race through my mind as I turn away from Rose, glancing out the window. I look to the clock on the wall: 6am. Only 6am.
Merlin, I want to make this pain stop.
With much effort, I manage to get myself out of the bed, trying to think clearly about last nights events.
James kissed me! Or, well, I kissed James. My face begins to heat up at the thoughts of that. Not once did I ever think that I would be the one to kiss James Potter. Holy hippogriff- if thirteen year old me heard about this, she definitely wouldn't have believed it to be true. I barely believe it now!
I creep downstairs as silently as possible, hoping to not wake anyone in the house. Everything is so silent bar the birds chirping outside.
Once in the kitchen, I almost relax, until-
"Couldn't sleep?" James asks me softly, turning away from the sink with a glass in his hand.
My heart begins to race. I struggle to look at him, my cheeks reddening. I'm so crazy about him it's so embarrassing. I feel so vulnerable standing here in front of him; I feel naked almost. I finally manage to look at him, and his brown eyes are soft and beautiful, and my heart flutters for a moment. His hair is messy, and he looks sort of all over the place- but he's still so beautiful. Is it odd to find a male so beautiful? But that's what James Potter was.
"Doesn't help when Rose is snoring in your face," I joke, hoping to ease the anxiety coursing through me. He laughs, and I relax a little bit.
There's a silence that follows, and I'm not sure what else to say. I roll on the heels of my feet, feeling awkward, wanting to say something- but what?
"Do you want to talk about it?" James asks. "I've never seen you look so awkward." He smiles at me as I scowl, feeling extremely embarrassed. I soften at his smile, and nod my head.
He indicates for me to follow him into the living room, and I trail after him my hands shaking with nerves. Everything is so blurry up until that kiss. What was I even thinking? Maybe I wasn't. For once. I want to apologize but when I open my mouth, words suddenly fail me.
We sit down on the couch, and I tuck my knees up to my chest, so badly wanting to bury my face into them and just cease to exist at all. Life would be so much easier if I just didn't do dumb things all the time- how on earth did I ever get placed into Ravenclaw? I swear, that sorting hat needs to, well... sort himself out. I peak up at James and I see how tired he looks; did he get any sleep at all? I bite my lip, thinking about our kiss again and my mind dances all over the place going from thought to thought to thought. I really just need to know what he thinks about the whole situation.
"Soo..." I manage, trying to begin the conversation.
"Look, I think maybe last night you might have had one too many firewhiskeys," James says frankly, immediately diving into the conversation. I look to him surprised. "I mean, you were obviously drunk."
I nod my head slowly, a little disappointed by his direction of conversation. I think part of me was hoping he'd just... I'm not entirely sure. I just was hoping for a little more positivity at my boldness last night. "Well, I mean I was... but-"
"Then that's fine," he replies, his voice a little higher than usual. "We can just leave it at that, there's no real reason to discuss it further."
I frown, feeling suddenly defensive. "I didn't do that just because I was drunk!" I exclaim, my cheeks turning bright red. He looks taken aback by my comment, raising an eyebrow. I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment. "Honestly James... I'm a little all over the place right now," I admit. "I do like you, but I don't think right now I'm ready for anything serious. I'm still hurt by the whole situation with Jason... what I did last night, I wanted to do that for awhile now but I've just never felt brave enough."
"You actually like me?"
I look at him confused, and laugh a little. "Why on earth do you think I kissed you for?" He looks a little chuffed at my words, and I feel a soft smile playing on my lips by how cute he looks. It genuinely annoys me that he's good looking- it makes me more nervous around him. Another thought reals in my head. "So, what Rose said last night, about you liking me for a long time- was that true?"
James brushes his hand through his hair which he does when he's nervous and gives out a small nervous laugh in response. "I wasn't lying when I said I liked you back in third year," he says. "And, well, those feelings I guess never left. Look, things don't have to be weird between us. I get you're not after something serious right now, and I have my NEWTs to focus on. Maybe it just isn't the right time."
I bite my lip, feeling somewhat disappointed but I feel like he's right. It's just not a good time for us to be anything. I nod my head, wishing that I could change what happened last night.
James brings his hand up to my face and slowly brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers brush my cheek and I shiver, my heart hammering against my chest, my stomach erupting in butterflies. When did this all begin to happen - when did I finally notice the real James? His hand rests against my cheek, and in comfort I close my eyes, cherishing this small moment between us. I feel like such an idiot for being so snobby towards him all these years; maybe we would have had our right moment ages ago if I hadn't had my head shoved so high up my arse.
I gently open my eyes, and he's looking at me, and I can't look away from him. This time, James leans forward pressing his lips to mine, and it's so much softer than last nights kiss had been. I close my eyes as he brings his other hand up to my face, as though he's afraid of letting me go. My hands are shaking from nerves, but everything feels so right and comforting, and I don't want to pull away, but I do, feeling completely torn inside. He leans his forehead against mine.
"Maybe we don't need it to be anything serious right now," I say, so badly wanting to kiss James again. I feel so lost in the moment.
He laughs pulling away from me much to my dismay. "Maybe not," he agrees. "I think you just want to kiss me again," he teases, smirking at me. Okay, so James is always going to remain a cocky, teasing idiot, but I find it all so endearing now.
"No I don't," I say, my cheeks feeling suddenly hot. I feel a little flustered, and pout, crossing my arms, turning away from him.
"No problem," he replies, continuing to smirk at me. He stands up, and I watch as he walks away from me and back up the stairs leaving me feel as though I'm on the edge, waiting for something.
Merlin, I really do want to kiss him again. Stupid, cocky, horribly right, jerk.
.
...
"Rose!" I say jumping on to the bed, like a cat, shaking her to wake up. "Rose wake up!" She groans in response, her hair covering her face, her mouth open and a small bit of drool on the side of her cheek. I feel immensely giddy- did that actually just happen or did I dream it all? "Rose, wake up! James and I kissed!"
This news stirs her awake and she jolts up, but then turns a funny shade of green as though she's about to throw up. I hand her the glass of water I had taken up with me from the kitchen, and she gulps it down in seconds. Once she finishes it, she looks at me wide eyed, looking as though she might not have heard me correctly. "James kissed you?" She exclaims looking excited by this news.
"Shhh," I tell her, hoping no one else heard that in the house. Rose didn't exactly whisper it. "Well, last night before the lads brought you in, I kissed James," I explain to her. "And then this morning I couldn't go back to sleep so I went downstairs and well, James was down there too. We got to talking and he kissed me again!"
"Merlin, Mia. What does this mean?" Rose asks, barely containing her excitement about this news.
I bite my lip. "Well, right now it doesn't really mean anything. We both kind of agree that we're not in the best of places for anything serious. I mean, I'm still feeling hurt over the whole situation with Jason. And, well, he says he kind of wants to try and focus on his NEWTs."
Rose scoffs and rolls her eyes. "He just said that because he doesn't want to rush you," she says. "But, honestly Mia, I don't know if he told you but he's liked you for a really long time. I know he didn't go about his feelings in the best way, but he's told me- actually we all know he likes you, Mia."
I laugh. Obviously Rose remembers little to nothing about last nights events. "You sort of told me last night he's liked me for awhile," I remind her.
"Please don't ever let me drink again!"
"Oh, Rose... can we just keep this between us for now? I'm not sure what any of this will lead to, and I'm not really sure I want anyone to know about this right now."
Rose holds out her pinky. "I pinky promise I won't tell a soul!"
...
The rest of the holidays are absolute torture. We all end up back at my own house, and I barely have any time to talk to James alone. Our brief encounters together are usually a bit awkward, and I feel like I'm blushing every time he even walks into the room. Luckily, no one else notices this, but Rose does give me the one or two nudges whenever she sees either of us glance at one another.
Eventually it's time to go back to Hogwarts, and the usual commotion of getting back occurs. Obviously the boys hold us up, and due to the high number of guests, James' mother offers to drive us too.
Arriving at the train station, we all say our goodbyes. I turn to Ginny and thank her again for having me during the holidays. She hands me a few photos from the wedding, and due to rushing, all I can do is thank her before scurrying towards the train after the others.
I worry for a moment if we'll all go our separate ways in the train, but I find that we all decide to sit together. This makes me happy as I'm forced to sit next to James.
"Your mum gave these to me," I tell him, pulling out the photos she handed me.
In the first photo it's all of us, and we all laugh as the flash erupts, and I think back to that moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd kiss James Potter only a few hours after this was taken.
I pull out the next one and it's just James and I. James presses his head to mine to look at the picture better and my heart begins to race again. In the picture, just after the flash erupts, James looks to me and my heart swells with the way he looks at me. I don't think I've ever had anyone look at me that way before, as though I'm actually beautiful. I don't even think Jason looked at me quite like that.
I pull out the next picture, but it's just a replica of the photo of James and I. He takes it from my hand. "One each," he states.
"Let's see!" Eleanor says, throwing her hand out for the picture. I hand it to her, somewhat nervously. I don't want anyone to know about our secret and I'm afraid somehow that picture will reveal it all.
Dany and Eleanor squeeze together looking at the picture, and both of them let out an aww at the same time.
"I know," James says, throwing his arm around me. "We make a beautiful couple." I blush as he ruffles my hair and places his cheek against my head, pulling me into him. My mind races. What is he doing? I have to remind myself that this James, and he jokes and is dramatic about things for fun. No one is going to see through any of this. I decide James is right. It doesn't have to be weird.
"You wish," I say shoving him away from me, jokingly.
He mocks being hurt by my words. "Mia, that is so rude," he replies.
I just stick my tongue out at him, feeling happier than I have in a long time.
The train journey goes by quickly, and we're all dozing off after a couple of hours. Without really thinking much about it, I lean my head on James' shoulder. Immediately he presses his cheek against my head again, an unspoken thing between us.
I'm not writing this for anyone but I just miss writing for fun so ignore this ha