20
I sat against the bed frame while Gale lied beside me, his body wrapped around mine. I ran my fingers gently over his peppered black hair. He's aged faster due to his need to survive. The stress of the life can age anyone quicker. I have not experienced that. I was never stressed because of the life.
"Do you mean it?" he asked against my body and I looked at him as he looked up at me. "Kansas City. Would you really move there?" I gently caressed his face, making sure not to touch the bruise on his cheek reminding me forever that his brother was gone. I nodded.
"Yes. The Gerhardt's are self-destructive. Staying here, or even thinking about staying here was a mistake." I admitted. "Even though Kansas City is no better, it may be a smart idea to live under a mob's nose. Maybe I could start living finally… without my dad's help."
"You sound like you no longer want to live in the mob life." he said, his hand rubbing my stomach. I shrugged gently.
"I love my family but to live a life looking over my shoulder in fear of who is going to get me, isn't living." I replied before sitting up more to show I had to get out of bed. Gale noticed and sat up some. I then looked at him now. "Look I know you're married, and I still stand by what I say, I can't be the other woman. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life for a scorned married woman."
Gale looked down at my words some and I just looked down myself. I knew it would be too much to ask for him to leave his wife. I knew somehow, I wasn't worth leaving his wife for. I said nothing else and swung my legs over the bed and before I could get out, his hand caught my forearm. I looked at him confused, his dangerous stare still on his face like a mask he constantly wore. I was getting used to it though.
"I married my wife because it was expected of me. I liked her for a time before we both realized we made a mistake. She and I live in two different worlds and I don't want to provide for her. I'll divorce her." he stated. I wasn't sure if I should believe him. I mean men would say anything to trick a woman.
But Gale had no reason to do any of that. He was an enforcer who did everything with purpose. He had to do everything with purpose to stay alive. I swallowed the air in my mouth.
"Take it back though." I said one more time giving him a chance to back out, to back out of all of this. He knew what I was talking about and his grip on my arm tightened a bit and he shook his head, eyes calm and final.
"Never." he replied. I observed his face for a moment, sitting back on the bed and leaning into him to really look at his face for any signs of deceit. His serious features slowly eased up to a show a mild softer side. His hand moved from my forearm and to my face to cup it. "You're all I have left now." I winced at his words and looked down for a moment sighing softly and letting my head just press into his. His face leaned in so his lips could find mine. I raised my face so our lips could finally meet. So there was no getting rid of him. There was no sending him away or making him leave me alone. We were in this together now.
After our lips parted I sighed once more.
"I have to go find Simone. The Gerhardts are expecting me back. Do you know where she is?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No. Check town." he replied. I nodded looking him over.
"Are you going to be alright?" I asked softly and he nodded sitting up and moving from the bed.
"I will be." he said flatly, and I tensed not sure if he was telling the truth. I didn't know what was going on in his mind. I followed his actions and got out of bed and we began to dress in silence. I watched him put back on his black buttoned up shirt and white pants before placing his white coat on followed by his much larger red coat. He opened the door for me and I walked out it. Mike was still not here and as we moved to the front door, Gale took hold of my arm again and I looked up at him. His fingers curled under my chin and he leaned in to kiss me once more. His lips were thin and warm and his mustache tickled. God, his lips were addictive.
"Things are going to get bad out there. More people are going to die. Be careful out there." he said lowly. Things weren't bad already? I nodded slowly.
"You too." I replied. We took each other's hands and he kissed the top of my knuckles before opening the door.
"Goodbye." I whispered before slipping from his hands. Once in the hallway I looked back at him and smiled and he gave a weak smile of his own. Once I left his sights, I moved through the halls with discretion making sure I wasn't seen by any familiar faces. I got back in the car and began to drive through town looking for Simone. I tried all her favorite spots and asked even the men who sold her drugs. No one had seen her. I returned back to the ranch empty handed. Dodd was furious.
"Great so no one has seen my daughter! Probably out whoring around!" he boomed. Bear glared.
"Don't call her that." he said. Dodd looked at him pointing a finger at her.
"Hey I don't tell you how to raise your kid you don't tell me how to handle mine!" he snapped. I shook my head not wanting to hear anymore. Hanzee stood off to the side watching my face, as if observing it, looking for something in my eyes, so I avoided looking in his direction. Dodd approached me.
"You sure you went looking for her or did you just say you did so you could get some dick balls deep in ya?" he asked aggressively. Before I could stop myself, my hand came up and connected to his face hard. He jumped a bit leaning back, eyes widening as if not expecting that all. Bear's eyes popped in shock.
"If you ever speak to me that way again, alliance or not, I will rip your tongue out myself." I threatened before pushing past him. "I am taking a shower, I am not to be disturbed!"
"Yes ma'am." Bear and Hanzee said lowly. I didn't realize I had given myself away. That I had somehow defended Gale's being by hitting Dodd. I was sure Hanzee knew. At this moment I did not care. Once I was showered and cleaned up, I moved to my room. After I got dressed in some jeans and a red turtleneck sweater, there was a knock on the door. I turned and looked to see Bear in the doorway.
"Tonight, we're going out to look for Simone. Want to come with us?" he asked. I just nodded my head. I wanted to make sure she was safe and not dead somewhere. Honestly, I felt Mike Milligan may have done something to her. Bear nodded and started to leave before turning back. "I'm sorry for what Dodd said to you. He can be an asshole sometimes, but he means well." I slowly shook his head.
"That's the thing. He doesn't mean well." I responded with a mild coldness. Bear sighed gently and nodded before leaving the room. When the sun was starting to go down, the house emptied of its men. As I walked past the kitchen, I saw Floyd inside.
"Dawn!" she called out and I paused in the doorway. She looked tired, very tired. "I can't lose anymore children. Please find, Simone." Her eyes were weak and sad and I nodded.
"Of course." I replied and left with the rest of the men. Dodd stood out in the front of the group of men, snow beginning to fall.
"Alright everyone split up in your respective groups. We search the strip clubs, look for all drug dealers, shake em down if you have to, but we don't come home until my daughter is found." he instructed. Everyone nodded with shot guns in their hands. "Alright let's move out." Everyone began to separate and I moved off toward Bear thinking he was the best option to drive with. However, Dodd just moved right in front of me and was as still as a brick wall.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.
"I am going to help find Simone." I replied firmly before stepping closer to him, so he had to look further down at me and I further up at him. "Is that a problem, Dodd?" He squinted at me putting a cigar in his mouth.
"You're riding with Hanzee and you are not to get out of the truck." he said and without any other word he turned from me and I just watched him leave. My jaw tightened though at the thought of riding with the silent Indian. I looked down and to the side to see his familiar boots before looking at Hanzee now. He just raised his hand toward the truck and I sighed and moved over to it. He followed behind me and opened the truck door for me. I glanced at him seeing as this as very out of character of him and I just got in.
We followed specifically behind Dodd's car and said nothing. The snow was heavy and the darkness devoured everything except where the front lights hit. The first place that was checked was Juggs strip joint. Simone did not hang out here, and these men were stupid and mindless for thinking she would be here. Dodd came to the window.
"Stay here. We don't need either of you." he demanded before walking toward the door. A few men followed him inside.
"You found his younger brother… lied for him about who killed him to start a war… and he still treats you like you are nothing."
I didn't voice my thoughts for we had this talk before, and I could not convince him of how much he was a slave to these people. I had slid off my jacket and threw it in the back seat as it was getting too hot. Along with the warmth of the heater, I felt his hand slowly move over the top of my thigh giving it a light squeeze. I stiffened a bit glancing down at his hand on my thigh. I thought I would have jumped at feeling his face nuzzling my shoulder, but I didn't. My body is used to his touches, it'll always be used to him. He gently kissed my shoulder blade and I could feel his lips moving closer to my neck.
"What are you doing?" I asked lowly.
"Romancing you." he replied in his usual gravely tone, his hand rubbing my inner thigh. I looked away now. Now was not the time for this.
"You know nothing about romance." I replied feeling his lips now in my neck.
"We've always had each other when you were here. You're the only one who gets me." he said into my skin as his lips finally move up my jaw and trying to find my lips.
"Hanzee, I am no longer your body to use when I am here." I said moving from his face. I was constricted by the seat belt so I took it off. That made him move even closer, seeing as he never wore his seatbelt. I felt his cold, tired eyes on me.
"You really think that's all I wanted you for?" he asked. I finally looked at him now.
"You have the nerve to ask me that." I said. "You took my virginity from me, you woke my body up and made me feel things I had never felt before. You made me crave you and want you. I regret even saying you made me love you, but I think deep down I always knew you were incapable of love." As he listened, he looked away now as if annoyed by my words and I just stopped talking. I had nothing else to say.
"Who is it?" he asked finally. I shook my head.
"There is no one." I replied. His eyes remained on the steering wheel as he slowly shook his head closing his eyes now.
"Don't. Don't lie to me." he said.
"No one." I replied again.
"WHO IS IT!" he finally yelled making me jump. The frustration and pain were finally evident. It was finally there. That was the most feeling I had ever heard in his tone. I never saw him smile, never saw him look at me with favor or need except lust. And now the only time he ever showed me emotion was anger from the thought of me wanting someone else. And that hurt me more than I ever thought. My eyes water quickly, and the tears finally came. I felt crowded for some reason and quickly I grabbed my coat and got out of truck and began to walk onto the sidewalk. The snow hadn't stuck to the ground and so I easily got on the sidewalk and began to just walk down the sidewalk to no where in particular. I hated this. I hated him for making me feel this way.
I heard the truck slam, but I didn't even care. I kept walking, the cold attacking my face immediately. My tears stung my eyes as they fell and I wiped them away quickly. I feel his hand grab mine and I tear it away before feeling my body being aggressively directly into the alleyway we were passing. I found my body against the wall with his holding it there. His lips crash into mine. I squeal a bit and tear my face away even as his hands paw at my body doing their best to find my pants button and zipper. I looked at him finally seeing an unreadable face.
"Stop." I replied lowly but he's heard that before, he's used to me not meaning it. I looked away feeling my pants and panties being pulled down a bit before his hands worked at his pants and as always, I was powerless against. He lifts my right leg and locks it around his hip before pressing his body into mine. In seconds he enters me and we both groan some. I feel his head press into mine as he thrusts hard into me and I pant gently, the cold devouring me now that my legs were exposed. I held on to his shoulders to keep balance. His thrusts press me more into the wall as he moves faster. I whimper feeling my walls tighten up around him as they usually do. There was pleasure, but not the same pleasure that I get when Gale is inside me. No there's an intensity that I had never felt with anyone not even the Indian spreading me open now.
My leg weakens from the cold and he just bring me to the ground still pushing into me. Finally, we lock gazes and he refuse to look away. The light of the lamp shines down on him still and it's almost like he's an angel tainting me.
His eyes are different this time. I can see them clearly beneath the lamp that's connected to this building. There was something deeper in them something I hadn't seen before. He was begging me.
'Love me' they say. 'Please love me'. He keeps thrusting deep inside me his body providing me warmth. But it does not stop the tears that keep falling down my cheeks. The damage has been done between us. There was no saving us, there was no us. Does he see this? Does he see the pain he has caused me over the years? He keeps thrusting, burying his face into my neck until he finally grunts hard against me stilling his body. I can feel his cock twitching inside me as he pours himself inside me. I whimper again closing my eyes for a moment and then gently opening them to look up at him as he leans up to just look down at me. I roll over some just wanting to get up and get decent before Dodd comes searching. He finally moves off me and stands up opening his hand to me as if to help me up.
I shake my head refusing it. I stand up and quickly pull my pants up so I can get my pants. The back of me is wet and cold and I knew being back in the warm truck would help me. Hanzee tucked himself back into his pants, fastened them and just looked at me. His hair was peppered with snow and in some way he was beautiful. An Indian in the snow. I zipped up my jacket and just walked around him, not even looking at him. Deep down I felt power, a mild power, but power no less that I was able to just keep it going as if what just happened meant nothing to me. He couldn't or wouldn't give me what I wanted. So I refused to give him what he thought he deserved of me. Once we were back at the truck we got in and just sat there in silence. I knew this meant I'd have to be careful. I didn't know Hanzee's mind and I didn't like that. I mean, I never knew what he was thinking before, but now he felt dangerous to me.
"I love you." he said lowly. His words cut me like a sharp knife. "I've always loved you." I didn't respond. I refused.