Chapter 23

Zack tossed back and forth in the bed. He didn't wake, but his mind was already deep in a process. It made him restless, unable to lay still and sleep peacefully. Despite his restlessness, it wasn't loud enough to wake up Cloud, who was in the bed on the other side of the room. Cloud, on the other hand was sleeping peacefully, much more so than he had in the past months.

But Zack… he continued to be restless.

His fingers gripped the bed sheets and he pulled them close. So much plagued his mind and there was nothing he could do to escape it. He fears and worried finally had caught up and decided to not stay locked away like he had wanted them to. Instead the fears thought it would be fun to torment his mind instead while in sleep.

The ground was pretty much soaked in blood. The rain had not come yet to wash it away causing it to taint nearly every inch around Zack. He didn't mind the sight, but it was the smell that was driving him crazy. Blood mixed with splattered guts and other gory things made the field all the more serious. He had seen plenty of gore before. He had been in plenty of fights against monsters and unfortunately some humans as well, but the stench always had bothered him.

Despite not wanting more of it, he slashed at another infantryman that came charging at him. The infantryman let out half of a scream before the body crashed to the ground. Zack sighed before lowering his sword to his side.

"No more… that's it. I'm done…" Zack breathed in and out, wishing that he had a cure or a potion to heal his own wounds.

Suddenly he could hear a sound from the distance. He looked up and with his enhanced SOLDIER vision he could see what was coming. He frowned once his eyes landed on what exactly was making the sound.

It was more infantrymen. More of them were marching forward, swords and guns in hand. There must have been at least another hundred more from what Zack could see. They all kept moving, getting closer and closer to him.

Zack cursed heavily. He raised his sword, but he didn't feel like charging in at the oncoming enemies. There was no rush or feeling of thrill with knowing he had to fight more. He had done so much of it that it now felt dulled to him. So instead he stood there, just waiting and watching carefully. "Can't this just be over? I'm sick of fighting…"

"Are you really giving up that easily?"

Zack froze up upon hearing that voice. "A-Angeal?"

Zack turned around, trying to locate where the voice had come from. When he made a full circle looking around, he saw that there were no more infantrymen out ahead of him. There weren't any men like that, but there was one lone man standing several feet away from him.

Zack smiled. "Angeal!"

He started to run to the man without a second thought. He looked perfectly fine and there was no sign of degradation on him. Just as he was about to get closer, Angeal held up a sword… the buster sword. Angeal's buster sword that he gave to Zack. That very sword… and it was now pointed at Zack's chest.

Zack staggered back and looked down at his own hands. He swore that he had been holding the sword only a few seconds ago. How did Angeal get a hold of it?

"Angeal? What… What are you doing?" Zack asked carefully.

"You don't need to come any closer Zack," Angeal said, his voice cold and distant. "You've already done enough."

"But… but I haven't done anything!" Zack shouted. "What are you thinking, Angeal?"

"I asked you to carry my honors and dreams. What happened to that?" Angeal asked, ignoring Zack's question.

Zack felt completely caught off guard by the question. It made him start to feel a little uneasy. "I… I am though. I'm doing what you asked."

"Are you really?" Angeal scoffed.

Zack's gut started to turn, making him feel even more unpleasant. "Why is he acting like this? Angeal would never say that. He just wouldn't…"

"Angeal, I am carrying out your dreams. I'm doing whatever I can to be your legacy."

"And what have you done to prove it? Feels like your failed more than you have accomplished."

The words struck deep, deeper than Zack would have wanted. Even though he kept trying to tell himself that Angeal would never say those things, it still hurt him. To see his mentor staring down at him with such disapproval, it hurt gravely.

Zack could feel a lump build up in his throat. His words wanted to get stuck there while he tried his best to hold back his emotions. "I… I haven't failed."

"You couldn't save me."

"You wouldn't let me!" Zack snapped.

"But you wanted to."

"Yes," Zack huffed. He clenched his fists, glaring at Angeal. He wanted to get through to him. He wanted Angeal to understand. He never could understand why Angeal refused to see his side of it. But the memory of that day was flashing back into his mind, the memory that was burned into him, and he knew he would never forget. "I tried… I wanted to save you. But you forced me… forced me to fight you. F-Forced me to… kill you."

"And you still went through with it. Back then you were able to pull yourself together and do what you were told. To do what a SOLDIER would do. But now I begin to wonder if you are all that capable, or if you are just letting your emotions control you."

"What?" Zack asked, not caring how badly his voice cracked. He couldn't even figure out what to say to it. It felt so out of place, yet it still heavily stung. "Angeal… please."

Angeal shifted his position, still with the sword pointed out at Zack. "If you claim that you are carrying my legacy. Prove it."

Zack looked up at Angeal again and then felt a weight in his hands. He looked down to see the old sword he used to use before… before…

Zack shook his head before he could finish his thoughts. He lowered his head further, now refusing to look at Angeal. "I won't."

"You won't?" Angeal asked.

"I won't fight you… not again. I can't."

"Then you are weak."

The sword fell from Zack's fingers. He hadn't even been trying to keep a tight hold on it. It clanked to the ground and soon he dropped to his knees shortly after. Tears now fell down his face, while he kept staring long and hard at the ground.

"I'm n-not…" Zack clenched the ground, crumpling up the dirt in his hands. "I'm not weak…"

"If you cannot manage a fight against me anymore then you are weak," Angeal said, his voice and words stabbing deep into Zack's mind.

"No! I'm not weak! I just can't… I am still strong. I looked up to you Angeal… I did whatever you taught me, and I trained as hard as I could even after you… Oh Gaia… please…" Zack choked out his words, each one stinging his throat. "I've been carrying on for you."

"Have you now?" Angeal said, his voice still improving. "Then what happened to you? Take a look at yourself and see what you have become. You've wasted these past years, no real attempts to be anything. Just scrounging around to survive without honor. You are no legacy of mine."

Zack choked on another sob. He wanted to tell Angeal it wasn't his fault. He wasn't at fault for what happened to him. It wasn't his fault, not at all. He kept thinking it over and over how he was going to say it to Angeal, how he would tell him and prove to him he is wrong. But then he heard footsteps. He expected them to get closer, instead they started to grow faint. Zack wiped the tears from his eyes and looked up to see Angeal walking away.

"Angeal! Wait!" Zack shouted, but Angeal kept walking away.

Zack staggered to his feet and tried to run after his mentor, but his legs felt weak and unstable. He tumbled to the ground seconds later. He groaned when he crumpled to the ground, the dirt and dust making a mess around him.

Zack lifted his head again to see Angeal even farther away. "Angeal come back! I'll be better at this! I can be your legacy! I'll keep trying! I'm not a failure!"

"Angeal!" Zack shouted before shooting up into a sitting position.

He placed a hand against his chest, he could feel it pounding against him. He tried to breath and right away he tensed up. He looked over at Cloud sleeping in his bed. "Please don't wake up… please don't let that wake him up."

Thankfully Cloud didn't wake up. He continued to sleep there quietly and peacefully. Zack managed to lay back in bed, though his heart and mind were still actively racing with one another.

Without much control of his actions he let out a quiet sob. He placed a hand over his mouth, trying his best to suppress the sound. He still did not want to wake up Cloud. Having Cloud wake up and see him like this was the last thing he wanted. He already had left Cloud see him weak once before, he wasn't ready for it to happen again.

"Angeal…" Zack whispered between his fingers. "You're not mad at me are you?" He tilted his head up to the ceiling, as if he would get his answers somehow. "I haven't actually failed you… have I? I'm still worth it… right?"

Zack shuddered and pulled the covers closer. His hands were trembling, even his new mechanical arm. His brain just was giving it the natural reaction, and it was doing just as a normal hand would when he felt like this.

This feeling… this feeling Zack had in his gut that twisted and squeezed him from the inside. It felt like it would squeeze at him one moment then try to tear him apart the next. It was almost to the point where he would feel sick. He tried to breath, tried to keep himself from losing to those emotions. Those stupid emotions that plagued him with his awful feeling.

The words Angeal said still lingered in Zack's mind. He knew it was just a dream at this point, but he still doubted if it was just that. It could have been a dream, but who was to say that Angeal wasn't actually there. Couldn't it be possible that Angeal influenced his dream or somehow made his spirit connect? Zack never knew too much about stuff like that, but he didn't rule out the option.

Still the words lingered with each passing minute. The longer he thought about it, the more concerned he became over it. "I couldn't beat or even save Sephiroth before… I couldn't stop him from attacking Nibelheim… Hojo got a hold of me and held me and Cloud captive for four years. Couldn't save Genesis or the Director. Is… Is that what makes me a failure? Is that what Angeal meant?"

A few straggling tears finally left his eyes. "No. He's wrong. I'm not worthless… and I am not a failure. I can be strong, I can be what you want. I haven't lost my honor or your honor. I just… I know I can still do it. Don't give up on me Angeal. Just keep watching and I'll prove it. I promise…"

I know this chapter is far shorter than what we normally have, but we felt like it had enough impact as it is. So we hoped you enjoyed a little insight to poor Zack and his feelings. :)