That slow burn? Yeah, it's gonna happen. Story is rated M from here on out. The deed happens at the end, so you can skip it if you so desire. Also, this chapter is pretty long. I've had it written for months but it underwent a ton of editing hence why it took me so long to publish.
The room was unfamiliar. For a moment, a panic seized Tamara, but it came flooding back to her. The revelation. The alcohol. The anger and frustration. The feeling of betrayal.
And that she'd spent the night in Ren's quarters.
She sat up quickly, the gabber wool throw she'd used as a blanket scratching against her legs where her leggings had ridden up. Thankfully, she could hear the undisturbed snores of the Force user in the other room. While the two of them were far from friends, they had an uneasy alliance with each other now – joining forces to take down a common enemy. She pushed the throw off her body and sat up, checking the time. Since her training schedule was only based on whenever Ren had the time to spare, she did not have to worry about alarms or any sort of schedule. Luckily, it was far from a shift change, and the corridors would be bare.
Gathering her coat and sliding it on, she glanced over her shoulder to ensure that Ren stayed asleep. She didn't have any regrets about the previous night, but she would rather avoid him until the time came to train. After all, she still mistrusted him. Swiftly, she left his quarters, heading toward her own. She'd be expecting a call from him shortly, once he woke up and found her to be gone.
However, she had unfinished business with another First Order officer first.
Wearing her officer's uniform was a protest.
Tamara walked through the halls toward the bridge with one goal in mind. She knew she had to be level-headed, even though she was clenching her fists at her sides as she waited for the lift to come to her floor.
"Are you not aware that uniform no longer suits you?"
She snapped her gaze up, resting on the face of a man whom she had few interactions with, but had been less than impressed with. She cleared her throat.
"Captain Peavey," she said, her tone clipped. She'd once held a respect for the man considering he had served alongside her father, but it was clear to her that the galaxy had left him behind. The way in which he spoke to the officers around him left a terrible taste in Tamara's mouth. While he might not outright state his opinions, he didn't make any efforts to hide them when he knew his victim could not retaliate.
He stopped beside her, and she repressed the urge to step away from him. "You do not have a place on the bridge anymore, Miss Vess," he said.
"How observant of you, captain," she said mockingly.
The lift couldn't arrive soon enough.
"Perhaps it is for the best," he said, locking his hands behind his back. Tamara shoved her hands further into her pockets, lowering her chin but keeping her gaze straight ahead. The two were not looking at each other. They hadn't the entire time.
The lift arrived, and Tamara quickly stepped inside, wanting to shut the captain out before he could mobilize, but he recognized her tactics, and made a point to set his boot between the threshold, slowly stepping into the lift. His stare was trained on her, his face expressionless. It made Tamara want to spit. It reminded her too much of her father's petty habits.
"What business do you have on the bridge?" he inquired as she pressed the corresponding button. The doors shut.
"That is none of your concern, captain," she said, refusing to look in his direction.
"Oh, but it is, Miss Vess," he said. "The Finalizer is my ship, her bridge is my bridge. When General Hux is not here to save you, I command it. Why don't you tell me what you're up to?"
"You don't have the gall to follow through with your empty threats," she snapped.
"Watch your tongue, Vess," he said. "The Maker knows just how far it can take you should you use it in the right places."
She turned away, his distasteful comment making her want to slap that stupid smirk off his face. He seemed to hold the incorrect belief that the only reason she held a position of such power so quickly was partly because of nepotism, which she found rich considering his own background. The other reason he held was that she slept with Hux in order to gain her power. The few times she had to interact with him seemed to always include a subtle jab at whatever scenario he had made up inside his head.
Finally, the lift reached the bridge, and Peavey stepped toward the door. "Good day, Miss Vess," he said, and strode out confidently, as if nothing had happened. Tamara stared after him for a few seconds before she refocused, hunting for one man in particular. Where the hell are you, you bastard, she thought angrily in her mind. Her hands were out of her pockets, trying to maintain a sense of order as she walked straight down the centre of the bridge, garnering looks from confused officers in the pit. They dare not say anything.
She spied him in front of a row of consoles, speaking to a petty officer. Tamara felt a slight pull in her heart as she imagined herself and Nova, back on the bridge of the corvette, strategizing and planning in a meticulous fashion, sailing over the stars, past planets she'd never seen before. It didn't seem like days had passed since the attack since a woman she considered a friend had been needlessly killed. She longed for those times to return, but the realist in her knew they never would.
However, she could settle a score she had with the General to quell her growing rage.
"General, a word?" she asked as she approached. Hux seemed surprised to see her as he paused his conversation with the officer. The expression on her face told him that whatever he needed to speak to her about was urgent.
"We will continue this later," he said, and the officer saluted before he walked away, descending back into the pit with the others. "Yes, Miss Vess?"
"I'd prefer to speak to you private, general," she said, glancing off to the side where Peavey stood, side eyeing her from his position at the viewscreens.
"Of course," he said. "Come with me."
She barely caught the smirk that Peavey flashed as the two walked away. How she would love to be able to possess the powers Ren did. She wanted him to suffer for the comments he made. Hux either didn't seem to notice or didn't care. She followed the general into an empty conference room, waiting until the blast door shut behind her before the silence was broken.
"What is it, Tamara?" he asked. The use of her first name didn't go unnoticed.
"I know what your plan is," she said darkly.
Hux tilted his head in confusion at her. "My plan?" he asked. "I haven't given you another mission—"
"Don't play dumb, Armitage, your endgame was explained to me last night," she snapped at him. "Your brilliant plan to turn me into one of your own personal weapons. That my position was a front. That I was weak, a perfect project for you to take in and groom to be one of your pets." Hux stood, frozen in shock. Whether it was because of the information she was providing or because of the way she dared to speak to him, she didn't know, nor did she really care.
"Is that what you really believe?" he asked, dropping his tone, but she could tell that she was playing with fire. His expression had turned from neutral to anger within a matter of seconds.
"Yes," she said sharply.
A sinister smile broke out on his face, and Tamara stepped back. She didn't trust him at all, and the few times he'd seen him smile had always tipped her off that he was planning something.
"You may want to watch yourself around me in the future," he said, beginning to close the distance between them. Tamara stepped to the opposite side of the table. If he was going to try anything, he was truly more foolish than she thought. And even more sadistic, she thought.
"Is it true?" she asked.
"Whatever I say, you will agree with or refute, so what's the point of my telling you?" he asked.
"You have me here," she said, raising her arms. "I'm under strict watch. You've got control over me. Unless you're afraid of me."
He let out a short, cruel laugh. "Afraid of you, Tamara?" he muttered, continuing to advance on her. "That's rich. If anything, you should be the one afraid."
"Then answer me one question – why?" She tried to keep the distance between them, but he was moving much quicker than her. He reached out, catching her wrist, and she fought to pull away, but his grip was strong.
"Then listen," he purred, and it unsettled her. He knew exactly what he was doing.
"Let go of me, Armitage," she said through clenched teeth, venom laced through her words. To her surprise, he obliged with no fight.
"Ren is correct," he began. "I'm assuming he's the one who told you." He watched her, looking for affirmation. "My intention stems from my father's own practices – develop young minds to serve as perfectly trained soldiers. However, I have my own ideas."
"None of this is new to me," she said, and he looked as though he wanted to grab hold of her once more, but stopped. Her trust in him was fracturing by the second, if it had not already been completely destroyed. He didn't need her trust. He would ensure she would remain loyal to him through other ways.
"The First Order sympathizer who got you off the ground in Naboo," he continued. "Who was it?"
Tamara shifted, not wanting to answer. The sympathizer had wanted to remain anonymous. Her silence allowed him to deduce the possible figures.
"Bazine Netal," he said, and watched as a flicker of fear flashed across her face. How much more did he know? "Yes, it was her. She has been loyal to me, one of my first protégées. I always toyed with the idea of having agents in the field, ones that would not be recognizable, but deadly nonetheless. Ones that would report directly to me, but nothing could identify them as being part of the First Order. Netal was one of these people, and she has served me well."
The way he spoke horrified Tamara. It was not about strengthening the First Order, it was to boost his ego while exercising his own power at the same time. Ren was right. She needed to fear this man.
"Why me?" she asked finally. "My father—"
"Everett relinquished his control over you the moment you stepped into the meeting all those weeks ago," he said. "Whatever I wanted, I knew I could get away with."
"You don't know who you're dealing with," she warned.
"Oh, but I do, my dear," he said, and she stepped back from him again. The terror she felt was unlike the raw emotion she'd felt whenever she interacted with Ren. The Force user had not done anything to conceal his power or his feelings. Hux had betrayed her, and now here he was, talking to her as if he was trying to scare her into submission. If that was his intention, he was certainly doing something right.
"I chose you because you were different than the others I've brought in," he said. "Never before did I have the opportunity to deal with a woman, privileged as they come, groomed for a First Order position, but also with a sharp mind and wit. As it happened, you fit what I wanted perfectly, and it would be the ultimate test, to see just how long it would take until I could break you down to become one of the deadliest fighters in the First Order."
"You don't need me, Armitage," she said. "You have an army. You have one of the galaxy's most feared figures in Kylo Ren fighting on your side. Yet you want so much more?"
"One thing you will come to learn is that I do not know when to stop."
Greed has been evident from the moment I met you, she thought. He was a far cry from what he'd presented during their first meeting. Her first impression of him was that he was powerful, even gentlemanly. She couldn't believe she'd been so naive.
"I am not a warrior," she said.
"Hence the challenge," he continued, leaning against the table and folding his arms across his chest. "You were raised with an expectation of holding a prestigious position, and now, upon hearing that the deal has been altered, you are willing to give it up so easily. What would your father think?"
"You have the nerve to bring up Everett," Tamara hissed at him. "How dare you."
Hux's jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth. Under any other circumstance, she'd have been taken away from him, likely to the prison level. He tolerated few people, and fewer still spoke to him in a tone such as hers.
"The position you gloat about is not prestigious," she continued. "It's a death sentence. You are exploiting the emotions and identities of these people."
"Is that supposed to bother me?"
Tamara opened her mouth to retort, but his response caught her off-guard. Certainly, Hux could not be this barbaric.
"Is there anything else?" he asked as she stood there, just staring. She didn't know what to say. The emotions that were coming down on her were rendering her speechless. The disappointment and anger at knowing Ren was telling the truth, the disgust in which he spoke of how wonderful his program was and how it would better the First Order. Not knowing how else to react, she just turned away and walked out of the room.
The anger that had fostered between Tamara's meeting and the training session all came out in the form of vicious attacks. Ren was furthering her instruction in combat, and as much as she wanted to renounce it, she needed an outlet. Ren's armoured and padded arms seemed like a perfect target. Her hands were gloved to protect her knuckles from the assault they were forced to bear as she relentlessly threw hooks at the Force user's barriers, not caring about his own well-being.
Hux thought she was weak. He hadn't said it outright, but he had implied it. She was not physically strong, but she never needed to be. She threw her fists harder and gritted her teeth as she imagined punching the General square in the jaw. If he truly believed she was as weak as he thought, he was going to be in for a massive surprise.
I'll show him weak, she thought.
"That's enough, take a break." Ren's voice brought her back into reality. Her breathing was laboured, and she shook her arms out, which were screaming for relief. She paced around the training room floor, staring down at her feet.
"Something happened, didn't it?" he asked. His mask was removed once again at her request, and he was able to get a read on him much easier.
"It's none of your concern," she said.
"If my arms are going to be taking the brute force of whatever happened, I think I should be enlightened," he said.
Tamara looked up at the ceiling, stopping her pacing before looking at back him. "I talked to Hux today," she said. "He thinks he's justified in doing whatever he wants to everyone who he brings into this terrible program. The way he rationalizes it – it's a way for him to inflate his ego, nothing else."
Ren nodded. "I'm glad you and I can see eye to eye on one thing around here," he said.
"It's truly saddening that within the course of four days, all my beliefs I've held for years were flipped around, just like that," she said. "I feel almost as though you're the only one I can trust, and that's saying something."
"Your trust would be better placed in someone else," he said. "You must remember that I'm not a good man."
"No, you're not," she agreed. "But you had the decency to warn me in ways that I dismissed, and dare I say I feel somewhat guilty about it."
He approached her, and for once, she didn't step back. Instead, she let him close the distance between them. "Do not feel guilty, Tamara," he said. "You are channeling your emotions, and that's good. Even though you are not Force-sensitive, if you can learn to focus your energy into one outlet, you will become stronger."
She ran a hand against her forehead. "What's the point?" she asked. "All I'm doing is feeding into his twisted idea that I'll become something he so desperately desires." She turned his back to him, walking a few paces forward. Ren didn't know what to say to her. She had a perfectly valid point.
"Look at me," he said after a few moments of silence. "Him and I are not friends by any means, but we are fighting for the same cause. If you are strong enough, you will find a place in the First Order, one where you will not have to bend to his will."
"He's dreaming if he think I will in the first place," she said, turning and walking back over to him. Ren grinned.
"I like your newfound attitude of hatred," he said.
"All thanks to you for opening my eyes," she said. "You don't realize how much clearer everything has become for me."
"It's not out of the goodness of my heart," he reiterated.
"No, but this is out of mine," she said, grabbing hold of his tunic and pulling him down to her level. He was taken by surprise by the sudden movement, his arms moving down to push himself away, but when her lips met his own, his movement ceased. This woman who had feared him was kissing him, and she'd been the one to initiate it. His hands settled around her waist, his movement careful, but the way she held his tunic told him everything. He shut his eyes, believing he must be hallucinating, but he wasn't. The kiss wasn't passionate, but Ren felt a sense of relief nonetheless, as if it was a barrier he'd unknowingly set up. There was no fear, no anger, just gratitude.
She broke away first, setting her heels firmly back on the floor, looking up at him through her eyelashes before tilting her chin up. He just looked at her with a startled expression, but slowly, it formed into a smirk of approval.
"That crash has screwed your mind up in more ways that you even know," he said.
"Maybe," she said. "But you're one of the few that I feel I can put my trust into on this bloody ship."
His hands dropped from her body, and she stepped back from him. Surely, she was out of her mind.
He sensed a presence behind the closed blast door, and he shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Get ready," he said. Tamara looked up at him, confused, but it was cleared up as the door opened.
"Ren, Miss Vess," Hux said as he walked into the training room. "I trust you are progressing well."
Tamara's expression hardened, and Ren could see the true extent of her disdain toward the General. Dare he say, he admired her dedication. He wished he had his mask to hide his emotion he so desperately wanted to flash.
"Yes, General," she said. "We are doing just fine, thank you."
Her attempt to be dismissive fell flat. He was here to stay.
"Show me then," he said. "Impress me."
Tamara looked up at Ren before she took a readied stance. He raised his arms.
"Sparring," Hux said, looking Ren dead in the eyes. "She learns nothing by swinging at your arms all day."
Maybe I'll swing at you for a change, Tamara thought. She watched as Ren dropped the pads off his arms and faced her. She could only hope that his plan wasn't to embarrass her as he did the previous day.
Hux stood back as the two prepared to engage. He couldn't help but feel a swell of pride as he watched this woman, someone who so desperately wanted to get out of his clutches, realigning herself to his will. Even though he was but a bystander, he felt powerful in that moment. It was the moments like these that he lived for. One day, he'd realize them more often than not.
Tamara began her strikes first, but Ren blocked. His movements were effortless. Simple. Anticipated. He struck out at her once, and her arm swung to block, shoving his arm to the side. Her gaze was narrowed, focused on her sparring partner. She didn't give Hux any sort of recognition. He was not deserving of it. The only man who was had his hands up, watching her just as intently as she watched him.
Two more shots from Tamara, and she managed to land one on Ren's shoulder. His movements were slower, hoping Hux wouldn't notice. He wanted her to get her shots in. He wanted to show the General that she was not weak. Why he suddenly felt such a strong pull to the other side, he had no idea.
One more shot, and he stumbled back. She had power behind it, but it wasn't too over the top. Still it was enough for Ren to pause and nod, signalling his yielding.
"Well done, Miss Vess," Hux said. "You've made good progress during your training sessions thus far. You should be proud."
Tamara bit the inside of her cheek, wanting nothing more than to retort, but held back. She had already seen more than enough of Hux that day, and anything that got him out of the room faster was a victory for her.
"Thank you, general," she said, even though the words were painful for her to utter. He seemed to know it, and gave her a knowing look before turning on his heel and walking out of the room. The blast doors closed behind him, and Tamara shook her head.
"What an idiot," she said.
"Another thing we can both agree on," Ren said. "That's all I will teach you for today, but I have one more request."
Tamara looked over at him as she began to take the gloves off her hands. "And that is?" she asked.
"Come back to my quarters again tonight," he said. "Same time, if you would be so kind."
"Anything to get my mind off of that fool's idea that he controls me," she said. "I will be there at the same time."
Ren nodded, securing his helmet back on his head before he left the training room. Tamara set the gloves off to the side, picking up her greatcoat, her mind replaying one moment. She'd kissed him. She'd made herself immensely vulnerable in front of a man whom she had feared not long ago. The thing that stuck with her the most was that he had done the same. She ran a hand up her forehead, still not believing what she had done. Maybe Ren was right. Something in her wiring had changed in that crash.
Same time, same request. Tamara was at his door, and just like before, the door whooshed open for her.
"Seems like an oddly familiar sight," Ren said as she walked in. He was lounging on the couch, his feet up on the table and one arm supporting his head. Tamara simply shed her greatcoat, placing it on the arm of the couch before she sat in the same spot she'd claimed the night before.
"Hopefully with less anger this time," she said. "But, I still have questions, if you are willing to answer them."
"That depends," he said. "What are your questions?"
"I'll save them for when we have the wine flowing," she said. "It seems to take the edge off."
Ren regarded her with his chin down, curious. "Do you have any requests?" he asked.
"Not necessarily," she said.
Ren leaned forward, plucking his own datapad off the coffee table in front of him and began to tap away on it. Tamara simply sat with her hands pressed together between her knees, looking around the suite. It felt strangely familiar, not even just that she'd spent the night previous. It reminded her so much of her suite back on her corvette – the ship that Hux had unknowingly ripped away from her.
"Did you intentionally go easy on me once Hux arrived?" she asked. Ren straightened up before turning his head to look at her.
"Would you be insulted if I said yes?" he asked, ruffling his hair his one of his hands.
She shook her head. "If he's foolish enough to think I've been able to throw punches that hard, then he deserves what comes to him," she said.
"As much as I'd love to tell you that you weren't throwing them that hard, you had some power in you," he said. "You were channeling your emotions, weren't you?"
"Yes," she said with a nod.
"Meeting with Hux went that terribly?" he pressured. She dropped her head. As much as Ren seemed to be the lesser of the two evils, she was still far from telling him her feelings. The level of trust that existed was not that strong yet. She hadn't said much about the meeting with Hux, but Ren had steered clear of the subject after the few words she'd spoke. When she'd arrived in the training room after he'd called for her, she had a mix of terror and unbridled hatred twisting her face, and decided that it was best to give her an outlet. She was much more powerful when she used her burning emotions to fuel her.
"It was…something I'd like to forget," she said. "He was very direct with his word choice, didn't seem to care about what he said at all. He didn't deny anything."
"He knew that if he denied it, you'd go digging," he said.
Tamara couldn't say why else the meeting had unsettled her. The way he'd stalked her like an animal around the room, how his tone changed, how he referred to himself so often and her as an object, one that was his to control. She just hoped that he stayed in his lane. She did not want to have to fight him. She could not rely on Ren to save her.
"Maybe that's true," she said. "He made it very clear that he is not afraid of me."
"If he knows what's good for him, he'll learn to be afraid of you," he said, and looked up as there was a beep at the door. "Excuse me." He stood up, and Tamara glanced around the room again. What am I doing here? she asked herself. Her situation was so mind-numbing and backwards from just a few days ago. The crash, the loss she felt, the order, the betrayal, it seemed like everything had come crashing down around her.
She stood up as Ren began to set the food down on the table, the droid arranging everything else. There was some degree of normalcy to Ren's life, something familiar that she could share with him. Their evenings were very similar – relaxing, having food brought to them, allowing to unwind from the stressful day they'd lived. She walked over, taking the same seat she had the previous night.
"Now that the wine is out," Ren began, pouring the red liquid into her wine glass before his own. "Why don't you start with your questions?"
"I want to know why your pursuit of me has been so ruthless," she said.
Ren stared straight ahead, setting down the wine bottle. Tamara tensed, wondering if he as about to snap. He seemed to be considering any number of things, but she hoped that her question didn't hit too big of a nerve.
"You confuse pursuing with something else," he said. "But I'm not sure of you want to hear the true story, and I'm not sure I want to tell it."
Tamara swished the wine in her glass a few times before taking a sip. "Maybe it's your turn," she said, pointing at his glass, and he laid his hand over the base of the glass.
"Fine," he said. "The reason I watched you and followed you so closely was because…there was another."
Tamara blinked in confusion. "Another what?" she asked.
"Another one of Hux's protégées," Ren said. "Her name was Calimesa. She was the most recent one that I trained two years ago." A sad smile broke out on his face as he pictured her – long blonde hair that was always braided back, blue eyes, lean, but strong. "She began as a basic officer, and eventually worked her way to up being Hux's monitor. She was sent out twice to a battlefield, always under the watch of Hux.
"She was someone I grew rather close to, much to the dismay of everyone in the First Order, especially my master and Supreme Leader. As someone who channels the dark side, sentiment is not an emotion that makes me powerful, it makes me weak, but I couldn't break away from her. Her and I were, involved, should I say, for a few months. And what a blissful few months they were. She did not fear me like many, she was defiant. She dared to take a stance against me, and I felt that I could never hurt her. She started spending more time with me, eventually more nights. Hux hated me because of it. He thought I was trying to turn her against him. He tried all sorts of methods to undermine me and get her away from me, but he had nothing to go off of but spite. She was caught in the middle of it."
Tamara picked at her food. "What happened to her?" she asked.
"She launched an escape pod unauthorized," he said. "The stress got to her. Hux was pressuring her to the brink of her sanity. He tends to do that… He made a command to shoot the pod once it was launched, and they did."
Tamara didn't know what to say, but the one line of Hux's suddenly jumped out at her.
"One thing you will come to learn is that I do not know when to stop."
A shudder ripped through her, and she picked up her wine glass again. "I'm sorry," she said, and looked over at him. He seemed to be in his own world, and it worried her.
In his mind, Ren was reliving the scene where he found out about Calimesa's death. Hux didn't have the gall to tell him in person. He'd sent his personal lap dog, Captain Tritt Opan, to tell him that she'd been shot down. He'd been an emotional wreck for the weeks following. He was forced to hide all of it. Snoke had been delighted in his own twisted way at her death. No longer was his apprentice feeling all of these emotions attributed to weakness – sentiment, empathy, even something stronger. Now, he could use his negative emotions to drive his power. He had done just that, learning how to channel them to a point where he would be able to enhance everything about his instincts when he was out on the battlefield. It had come at a cost, one that he was still not certain was the right one to pay. After Calimesa, he'd thrown himself into shallow relationships, ones that exploited sex to get what he wanted and to drive his passion. There was no emotion. There was no feelings reciprocated between the two parties.
It was a very lonely way of gaining power.
"Hux didn't trust me to train another one of his protégées, instead diverting to be trained by Phasma," he said. "That lasted for all of one new recruit, last year's woman, and then he put you with me."
"I should feel so honoured," Tamara said, unable to find the words she needed to express the emotion he needed to hear. Never had she seen him so vulnerable. "Listen, I appreciate your honesty. You don't know me that well. You have more strength in you than you know."
Ren looked up at her. "I already know that," he said, and Tamara sank back into her chair, continuing to munch absent-mindedly on her meal. He was in his own world. She could see the raw emotion in his face, and those wounds had not yet healed. While it wasn't something she could relate to, she could see the anguish in his face, and her basic instincts took over. She reached out to cover his hand with her own. He tensed under her touch, but didn't pull away.
"I don't want Hux to push you over the edge," he said, breaking the silence, and Tamara was slightly startled by his remark.
"Thank you," she said. "But is that out of the goodness of your heart or because you care for my wellbeing?
Ren raised his head slowly. "I don't know," he said softly. "There isn't much I'm so sure of these days."
"Let me help you with that," Tamara said, standing from her seat, but not breaking contact with him. He watched her cautiously. Once more, she pulled him to her level, but this time, the kiss was different. She was moving against his lips, and he reached up to hold her arm. Both her hands departed their current position to rest along the sides of his neck. She broke from him first, and rested her forehead against him.
"Take me to bed," she said
Ren just looked at her. "You've either gone mad or that wine has gone to your head," he commented.
"After the last handful of days, it's likely the former," she said with a smile. "Please."
He didn't know how to respond. Questions ran through his mind over how he would treat her. She was more than just a fling to him. She was someone he was going to deal with on the daily. He was getting flashbacks of Calimesa, and he wasn't sure he wanted to go down that path yet. Even though it had been years, he was still cautious.
"If you don't want to…" she said, her hands dropping from around his neck, but he pulled her down so she was forced to balance her hands on his knees.
"I will," he said softly into her ear, her curly hair ticking his lips. "But you must know one thing – things will change."
"I think I'm ready for them too," she said. "I'm ready to stop being afraid of you."
A smile broke out on his face, and she felt his lips on her neck. "You'll still be fearful, my dear," he said. "But this will be different."
"Then show me," she said, closing her eyes against the feeling of his lips trailing softly along the tender skin of her neck.
"Come with me," he said, pulling away from her and slightly pushing her back so she was supporting her own weight. He took one of her hands and lead her into the back portion of his suite, behind the pane of glass that she'd gazed through that morning. His bedchambers were simple, but she didn't have the time or care to look around too much. Instead she climbed onto the bed, Ren following her, keeping the distance between them minimal. His hands met her hips, and she smiled as she pulled him down to her level. She was worried about his usual dominating nature, but he seemed to be relaxed, allowing her to reciprocate. Perhaps he wasn't the feared figure she always imagined he was.
Nonetheless, he took the lead immediately, sliding her thin top off and letting his hands trail along her bare skin. In that moment, she realized just how starved she was for intimacy, something she'd not found herself in too often. To appear so vulnerable in front of someone was hardly something she wanted to experience, yet here she was, offering herself to one of the most feared men in the galaxy.
She moved to make them both even, pulling his undershirt off over his head, casting it aside. He didn't move afterwards, watching as she scanned her eyes over his body, tracing her fingers over various raised white lines. There were burn marks from battles, but nothing massive stood out. He was not used to taking shots, and she assumed that the scars he did sport were from his training.
She was not without her own. The physical wounds were still fresh and healing, and while they wouldn't mar her skin terribly, they would never truly fade. She flinched as his hand covered a line the began under her rib and ran down to sit just above her hip. Her eyes darted down as he paused, lifting his palm to lightly brush the sensitive skin with his fingertips. She flinched at the contact before glancing back up at him, her hand gripping the back of his neck as she pulled him back down to her level. The space between them closed, and his hand trailed from her healing wounds across her stomach, down to her thighs. She slid her hand up into his hair as he trailed his lips down her neck. For a moment, she was aware of where she was, what was happening, but she did not want it to change.
She gasped as he slid a finger inside of her. Her grip on his hair tightened and her lips parted as she tensed under his new touch. Part of her had expected him to be selfish, chasing only his own desires, but it appeared that she'd read him wrong. She shut her eyes as his fingers rocked against her, one of her hands moving down to loosely grip his back. He slammed his freehand down above her head and she flinched, a pang of worry creeping back into her momentarily before she was lost in her own pleasure. She moved to roll her hips along with his movements, but he pulled his hand away from her and she opened her eyes. He had sat up slightly, and his hands moved down to rest just about her knees. He made no further move, only spoke.
"Are you sure you want this?" he asked.
A simple question. It brought her back to reality. Her instinct was to distance herself from him – it had been for so long, yet here she was, about to be as close to him as possible. Yet, things were different. For a while, she wanted to forget about everything that had happened and just enjoy a night.
"Yes," she said. "I am."
Ren wasted no time once her consent was given. His hands pushed her legs apart and she tilted her head back, simply anticipating. She gasped as he entered her and her fingers tightened on his back.
"Relax," he said, lowering his head down, his hair tickling her neck. "You're very tense."
She didn't even realized how tense she'd been. He hadn't moved, and she let herself relax as much as possible before he began to roll his hips up against hers. For some reason, she expected him to be rougher, or at least somewhat selfish, yet he was almost the opposite.
It was a difference for Ren as well. In his previous relationships, if they could even be labeled as such, his partner never faced him. He was always dominating in nature. He had never taken the mask off. It was very one-sided. This was different. He found himself caring more, a connection that ran deeper than physical. Tamara as well found herself so starved for any sort of intimacy, and was relishing in the sensations. She threw her legs up on his back, digging her heels in lightly.
"Ren," she breathed, running her hands up to his hair again and back down, his skin warm to the touch as his breathing laboured. "Ren, don't stop."
Under other circumstances, she might've been hesitant to direct him, but in the moment, he was not above her in rank. They were just two souls, intent on the same goal. The request did not go unheeded, and his pace quickened. She knew she was close, and her nails raked down his back, feeling her release building. His own was not too far behind, and both of them reached their climaxes one after another.
He dropped down beside her, and Tamara simply remained, unmoving. She didn't want anything to change, yet she was not naïve enough to believe it wouldn't. She heard Ren turn over, his breath slowing as he caught it, and she turned her gaze toward him, only seeing his newly-marked back. He said nothing so her, and she took it as an acceptance of her remaining in his bed. She didn't want to leave anyhow. In some stroke of possible insanity, she felt safe.