Book Two, Part Six: We Could Try

March 2013

I banged on Weiss and Savvy's door.

"Up and at em!" I yelled.

I heard something hit the door and I grinned. They were not morning people.

I went to the kitchen and started the coffee, watching it brew. This was going to be one long ass shift. I was eight months into my internship and even though it was tedious and long hours, I loved every minute of it.

I heard the door open in the living room and I peered through the dim light to see Addie let herself in. She was here more than she was at her own place these days.

She smiled and held up a bag.

"I brought bagels." She said.

"Bagels?" Weiss said, trudging through the room to grab the bag from Addie.

"Hey!" She protested.

"I'm up at the ass crack of dawn, I am tired, I am moody, and I am hungry. Leave me alone." He mumbled.

Savvy strode through the apartment, fully dressed and with a lovely smile on her face. She sat down next to Weiss and kissed him on his cheek.

"Lighten up Babe. I am not working with this grumpy version of you so get the stick out of your ass." She demanded, still smiling.

Addie and I laughed. Addie helped herself to a cup of coffee and sat down next to Savvy. I grabbed four plates and sat down on the last chair.

"I hope Evans gets a kick ass surgery and lets me in on it." Weiss sighed as he put cream cheese on his bagel.

"At least he lets the interns help in surgeries. Hahn doesn't let us do shit but get her dry cleaning. Unless your name is Derek Shepherd." Addie said with a sidelong glance at me.

"I can't help it she loves me." I said.

"She just wants to suck your wang, Dude." Weiss said.

"Not from what I heard." Savvy said.

Addie started laughing.

'What?" Weiss and I asked.

"She likes to munch cookies." Addie said.

"Huh?" Weiss asks.

"She likes women. She is a lesbian. Your looks don't have shit to do with it, hotshot." Savvy said to me.

"Good just means I am a better doctor than you all."

"As if." Addie said.

The phone rang and Addie, who was closet, answered it.

"Purgatory, Devil Speaking." She said. Savvy giggled. We always answered our phone in the oddest ways.

"Oh! Hi. Yeah, it's Addie. Sorry, we just…yeah. Would you like to speak to Derek?" She asked, blushing.

I gave her a curious look as I took the phone from her. She just put her head in her hands and groaned.

"Hello?" I asked.

"That was an interesting greeting. Almost as good as the 'This is Weiss and I am busy having sex but if you leave a message, I will get back to you once I cum. Beep." Ma said dryly.

"Ma." I said weakly.

Savvy and Weiss burst into laughter. I waved at them to be quiet.

"Is everything okay? It is five thirty in the morning." I said.

"Just wanted to tell you to have a good day, Dr. Shepherd." She said. I could hear her beaming across the phone.

"I always do. I work tonight so I will call you when I wake up tomorrow."

"That's perfectly fine. Just like hearing your voice. Knock em dead." She said.

"Actually it would be very helpful for my career if they happened to live." I teased.

"You may have a point. I will let you go. Call me tomorrow." She reminded me.

I hung up and looked over at Addie who was still red.

"I just embarrassed myself in front of your mother." She said.

"Actually she is in Connecticut." I quipped.

She hit my arm.

"You know what I mean."

"Seriously Addie, Ma loves you. This won't change it." I looked at my watch. "We had better go if we don't want to be late, which is not something you want to be any day at that hospital."

We all got up and in a flurry of activity, made it out the door.

"Wanna ride?" I asked Addie.

I expected her to sneer at my offer. My 'ride' was a motorcycle. I bought it two months ago. It was so much easier to get through traffic and easier on gas costs and cab costs.

Addie hated it. She refused to get on it, so I was surprised when she said she did.

"Hop on then."

She pulled her strapped her bag to her back and got on. I handed her the extra helmet and she put in on.

'Hold on tight." I told her. She did so immediately.

I allowed myself to feel her warmth for a moment and then ignored it. She was a friend.

The ride took only minutes whereas Weiss and Savvy were probably stuck in traffic. God forbid Savvy mess up her hair.

Speaking of hair, Addison's was all over the place. I took off my own helmet and grinned.

"You have helmet hair." I told her.

She shrugged and put her hair in a pony tail.

"It's just going to look like crap when I get off anyway."

"Not my hair. My hair is awesome." I boasted.

"Your hair is awesome." She agreed.

"It is."

"Sex hair." She giggled. "Which is funny considering you don't have sex." She clapped a hand over her mouth. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

I smiled gently.

"It's okay. It's the truth. Let's go inside and troll for surgeries." I said extending my hand. She slipped hers into mine and we ventured inside.

"Dumbass, you could have waited on us." Weiss complained as he walked into the locker room.

"But I didn't." I said, as I sat down next on the bench.

"Hurry up, they are assigning cases soon." Addie said, slipping her shirt off and standing in front of us in just a pink lacy bra.

I averted my eyes, but in doing so, noticed that no one else did. Guys were gawking at Addie and now, Savvy, as they slipped into their scrubs.

'You know they have changing rooms, right?" I sniped.

Addie slipped on her green scrub top and then looked at me wounded.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking." She apologized.

I sighed.

"No, I am sorry. I just don't like guys staring at you like that."

"Like what?" She asked.

"Like they want to see you naked." I said.

She stood there, just looking at me. She looked like she wanted to say something.

"Spit it out." I said.

"There are guys that want to see me naked. Quite a few. I am nice, pretty, rich, intelligent, and I am a doctor. Most guys really go for that, you know. Most guys want to get to know me. Most guys want to take me out on dates. Most guys want to fuck me. Most guys…but not you. You just want to be friends. I get it, okay. I accept that, but there is going to come a time when I am going to find someone and you are going to have to accept that."

She then turned her back on my open mouthed self and finished getting ready, talking to Savvy and pointedly ignoring me.

For some reason, I didn't like that…at all.

Dr. Hahn walked in and gave Addie, I and the other interns in our group their assignments.

"Shepherd, you are on Neuro and take Montgomery with you. They need two of you today. Family in a MVA."

I nodded briskly and turned to Addie, who was already walking off.

"Addie." She kept of walking. "Addie!"

"What?" She whirled on me.

I stepped back a bit. She was mad. I had only seen her mad…well, never actually.

"Um…" I tread carefully.

"I can't do this anymore Derek. I tried. But…I just can't." She said sadly.

"I don't understand." I said.

"You are so clueless and blind! I love you. I am in love with you. But you, you see me as a friend. A buddy. Do you have any idea how degrading it is for me to pretend I don't have feelings for you?" She asked.

"I had no idea." I said, my mind reeling.

"That's the problem. You don't see. You never see. I need you to see me. I want you to see me. I want you to see that there are other people in the world besides your family and Meredith. She is gone. She has probably moved on. She is probably happy. And you, you, are just existing. You are not living. You are standing still. And I can't stand still with you anymore. I love you but I love myself more." She said sadly. "Bye Derek."

I watched her walk away from me. What the hell had just happened?

I felt my chest practically gape open. Well, it felt like that anyway. I hadn't felt like that in a long while. It is like the hole had been stitched closed and now the sutures had given way. Addie was my sutures.

I don't know what propelled me forward or what caused my mouth to open or what caused the words to fly out of my mouth…

"Wait!" I yelled.

Addie froze and then turned towards me, hope evident in her blue eyes. Blue, not green. Red hair, not blonde. Tall, not petite.

But she had hope. I had taken away Meredith's, but I could give it to Addie. I could give her hope. I could give her this.

"We could…try." I said.

"Try?" She asked.

"Yeah try. I can't promise you anything. I am a mess. But I can try." I told her honestly.

She smiled slowly, fully.

"I would like that."

I think I would too.

What are your thoughts?