"It's nearly three in the morning, why are you up?" Selene made her way slowly over to the desk that she knew had belonged to Jeff. She draped her arms over his shoulders, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.
John tipped his head back, letting it rest against the soft fullness of her chest, his arms covering hers where they rested across his chest.
"I like being the only one up sometimes, it's quieter, more like I'm used to."
She nuzzled his neck, dropping a light kiss on the edge of his jaw. "Want me to go back to bed and leave you to your peace?" She'd fallen asleep with him sitting up in bed next to her, quietly reading and woken to a distinct lack of warm, snuggly body beside her. It hadn't been hard to find him.
"No, you don't count as someone I need peace from."
"Well that's a declaration of love right there." Swinging his chair around she perched herself on his lap. "So what are you working on?"
He span the chair back to face the desk and tapped the map in front of him, pulling up a few highlighted amber alerts he was obviously keeping an eye on. He had a news channel on in the background, the feed showing nothing more than a run down of the latest celebrity marriage break up, the details of an upcoming event at a botanical garden for charity and the news that Denmark had elected a new Prime Minister.
"Everything looks fine at the moment," she commented.
He nodded, tapping a couple more icons and swiped another page out of the way.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?" he made a note on his tablet, not looking up.
"About why you can't, or don't want to sleep."
He gave her waist a playful squeeze. "Maybe you were snoring and kept me awake."
"Lies!" she hissed in mock horror.
He smiled but didn't offer any more information. She kept quiet, the news reporter continuing to drone on in the background the only noise in the room. One of the amber alerts blinked out, no longer an issue but he still checked it, obviously trying to distract her from her questioning. Oh how he underestimated her.
"Local authority dealt with it," he commented absently, almost as if he were talking to himself rather than her as he swiped it away with a wave of his hand, before falling silent again.
She checked the map feed herself, having grown accustomed to deciphering his icons and notes that seemed to be forever popping up. One caught her eye, a small flashing exclamation mark that he seemed to not have noticed, which was strange in itself. John noticed everything.
She narrowed her eyes, squinting until she could catch a brief glimpse of his aura, the energy field that everyone had around them. His was pulled in tight to his body, a sure sign that he was hiding something.
"You OK, baby?"
"Hm?" he turned his head to look at her. "Sorry, yes, I'm fine."
"I don't believe you."
"I don't know what to say to that."
"You could start by telling me the truth."
"I am," his eyes slid back to the projection in front of him.
"Bullshit."
"Excuse me?"
She unwound his arm from around her waist and got to her feet.
"I called bullshit."
"Yeah, I heard you."
"Is that it?"
He shrugged, not knowing what she wanted him to say.
"OK," she nodded. "Night then."
"Night? Why are you leaving?"
She paused and turned back to face him, arms crossing defensively. "Give me a reason to stay."
"Am I not reason enough?"
"Oh no, you aren't pulling that one."
"Which one?"
"You know full well that you are more than enough of a reason to stay. Unless it escaped your notice, you'll know that it's three in the morning and I got up to come and find you because I don't like waking up to find you gone. I miss you, I love you and I worry about you."
He wasn't looking at her, fiddling again with his tablet, but she knew he was listening, he always did.
"You don't need to worry about me."
There is was. Whenever he wanted to avoid a subject he focused on one particular thing she said and ignored the rest. Well it was late and she was far too tired for playing games.
She stomped back to the desk and slammed her left hand down in front of him.
"What's that?"
He barely glanced down. "Your hand."
"That's not what I meant, smart ass." She pointed at her ring finger. "I mean that."
He rolled his eyes at her and she resisted the urge to flick his forehead. Why had she not fallen for an easier man?
"What is it?"
"That would be your ring."
"Exactly, that ring is a promise. And, while I can't speak for you, to me that means that I agreed to marry your annoying self. And if I agreed to put aside my aversion to marriage for you, then it means you're pretty special. Did you ever wonder why I was so against marriage?"
"You said witches don't get married."
"Yeah, I lied."
He frowned. "You did?"
"Well, not technically, we don't get married the way most people do, as I said, I want a handfasting, the legal bit means very little to us. That's the thing, we don't believe a person can belong to someone, or that you should legally own someone because of a piece of paper. A handfasting is a promise, a commitment for as long as love lasts." She leant closer, bracing her weight on her hands as she bent over the desk, refusing to let him ignore her.
"I never wanted to get married because I didn't want a marriage like everyone else's. I didn't want a relationship where I was just seen as someone's wife, I wanted a partnership and I hadn't found anyone that I felt I could truly be myself with. Then I met you, and you wormed your way into my heart and made me love you."
He opened his mouth to talk but she stopped him.
"I accepted this ring, which is my promise to marry you, but that's not all it is to me. This is a promise that I will always love you, I will do everything in my power to make you happy, that I will always be open and honest with you, I will always include you in my life, because you are a part of my heart, you are my life. I thought it meant the same for you, that's why I said yes, because I thought we would be different from everyone else. Because I thought you were different."
John paused, letting her words sink in. When he spoke his voice was quieter than she had heard from him in a long time, more unsure of himself, reminding her of the man she had first met.
"It means the same to me."
She sighed, the anger and hurt draining out of her. "Then why aren't you being honest with me like I am with you? I don't want us to go into this deliberately hiding things from each other and holding back. I want you to be able to talk to me when you need to."
She dragged a spare chair over and took a seat beside him rather than once again perching on his lap, feeling that they both might need a little distance.
"There's nothing wrong that I need to talk about."
Giving him a disbelieving eyebrow raise she reached around him and tapped the icon he'd been ignoring. A call log popped up, all showing as being answered by EOS and passed on.
He slumped in his chair, a frustrated groan escaping."You're way too observant."
"Only when it comes to you, I know you too well. So, what's that?"
"That's me being an uncaring, selfish asshole."
Both eyebrows lifted in surprise, that was the last thing she'd expected him to say. "Come again?"
"I'm not repeating myself."
She ignored that. "Babe, why would you even say that let alone think it?"
He didn't answer straight away, instead he pulled up the details of every call, all helpfully notated by EOS. They were all distress calls, but not the ones she was used to seeing them dealing with. These were all from cellular devices and all had been passed on to hotlines and charities around the world.
"They are worse around the holidays, probably go up ten fold, and…and I just couldn't face dealing with them this year. Since EOS it's been easier to take a break now and then."
"Good, I'm glad you let her help. You all give so much -too much probably- and you need time to live your lives, to do things for you, not for the rest of the world. You're entitled to a break, you all are. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Yes, there is. Because it's my job to be there, it's my job to be available when someone needs help, not to pass them over without even talking to them."
She sighed, shaking her head. "Sweetheart, there must be at least fifty calls logged there-"
"Sixty-Eight."
"And there is no way you could have talked to each and every one of those people even if you had been there. This isn't on you. Yes, it's your job to make sure that people get help when they need it, but you did that."
"It doesn't feel that way."
She took his hand, kissing his knuckles one at a time before lacing their fingers. "Darling, answer me this, when a call comes in, a normal call, what do you do?"
He frowned, pulling his hand away to rake his fingers through his hair, his frustration with her evident. "You know what I do, you've been there."
"Humour me?"
He huffed out a put upon sigh but did as he was asked.
"The system flags and registers the call, I or EOS connect with the caller and ascertain if it's something we need to get involved with or if a local authority can handle it."
"And if it is a job for you guys?"
"We decide who is best suited to deal with the situation, which craft and equipment to take and how to proceed. You know this!"
"Yes, I do, and so do you."
"So you got me to say it why?"
"John, I love you, you are just about the smartest person I've ever met, but you can be so dumb sometimes."
"You really need to work on your compliments."
"I hadn't finished, annoying man."
"Then please, continue to berate me."
She ignored that. "Think about it, think about what you just told me. You assess the situation, and you pass it on to the person most able to deal with it. Right?"
"I believe I just said that."
"And when did you get psychiatric training or become a counsellor? When did you train in mental health? Because it seems to me like the best option you have is to pass them on to those whose job it actually is to deal with that kind of situation."
"But I…"
"No, witchy is talking now. You shhh." She kissed him softly to take the sting out of her words but also to prevent him answering back. "I know you, and I know that you would do everything you could to help anyone, but baby, you have to help yourself too. Because you're just as important. You can't keep giving everything of yourself and not take time to top back up, or you'll end up empty with nothing left to give."
He slumped in his chair and she climbed back onto his lap, letting him wrap his arms around her waist as she hugged him tight.
"I'm not good at dealing with my own emotions, let alone other people's. I'm not like you, I'm not naturally open. I can't just talk to someone and know exactly the right thing to say."
Selene snorted in disbelief. "Believe me I wasn't always like this and I don't always know what to say or do. But I do trust my instincts and they very rarely let me down. The fact that I can talk to people now is down to years of practice. You have natural gifts, and so do I. One of mine just happens to be sensing emotions in people and having a feeling about them that is more often than not, right. I see their aura, I feel their energy and I get an echo of how they are feeling if I let myself open up enough. All of this is skills that I've honed over years of practice."
"Do you ever find it draining?"
She shrugged. "Of course I do, I think everyone does, just some of us more than others."
"I always find it draining, interacting with people in general really, but I do it because it needs to be done, although I will probably always avoid it if I can. But I feel so guilty about letting EOS field those calls, for avoiding all those people that needed someone. I didn't want it to ruin the holidays for us, all I wanted was for us to have a peaceful Christmas together and that was selfish of me."
"Babe, it's not selfish to need a time out. You of all people could never have a selfish bone in your body. It's not selfish to need some self care, it's sensible. Let's face it, we're never going to have a peaceful anything, it's just life."
He went quiet again, his forehead resting against hers. What had she said wrong?
"Baby, talk to me, don't make me drag it out of you."
He was silent for so long she thought she'd have to get tough again, but then he spoke.
"I'm sorry."
She frowned, confused.
"Why? You don't have to be sorry for."
He didn't answer.
"John?" she cupped his chin gently, urging his head up to look at her. She hated seeing pain and indecision in his eyes. Her poor love.
"We're not going to have a normal life, we're never going to be able to plan anything or have any chance at a peaceful life. My life is crazy, my family life is crazy, we have the world's most dangerous job that is always on call. You deserve so much better." He spoke quietly, hesitantly and she couldn't stand it. How could she make this better? It hurt her heart to hear him speak that way. How could he ever think that that mattered to her?
"Sweetheart, I knew all of that before our first date. We met because I was stuck in a tree, I'm anything but normal, and I never expected a normal life, even before I met you. But now that I have you I'm not letting you go. So we won't have vacations or weekend breaks away, you live on an island, where could we go that's better than that anyway?" She sighed, hugging him tighter. "I'd rather have you in my life, in any form that life takes and with all that comes with it, than not have you at all."
"You say that now, but what about in a few years time when you haven't had a break, when our life is one disaster after another, literally. When you get sick of living surrounded by my family."
"That's not going to happen, you know I love you all. And if we both need a night alone, we have my place."
His arms squeezed her tighter. "What if I'm not good at being a husband? What if you realise what a mess I am? An emotionally stunted idiot that keeps fucking up with you."
She was stunned. How could he possibly see himself in that way?
"Baby, how long has this shit been churning around in that big brain of yours?" She smoothed the hair back from his forehead, fingers caressing the little curl that she loved so much. "You should know you can never fuck up with me."
"A while," he admitted. "A month or so, maybe longer."
"Yet you still asked me to marry you? Why? You didn't need to, I definitely wasn't expecting it. The lack of proposal wouldn't have changed anything between us."
"Because I love you."
"I love you too, and that's all that matters. Everything else will work itself out. You know what will make you the perfect husband?"
He shook his head.
"Just keep being you, because I love you just the way you are. You don't need to do anything different. You don't see how amazing you are, just how fucking special and perfect. I didn't fall in love with just one part of you, I fell for all of you. I don't want or need you to change."
"What if this job gets too much and gets between us?"
"How can it, when I'm planning on being right there by your side? I'm part of the team now, so it's my job too. We all have strengths, and I'll be there to help you in any way I can, I'll be your emotional support witch. I'll be there for the tough calls, I'll be there when you all have a bad day and need taking care of. I'll be there to celebrate with you all when it's been a good day and commiserate when things have gone to shit. I'll be there to support you and comfort you, but I'll also be there to kick your butt when you need it. Because I love you."
"How am I going to cope with worrying about you out on rescues as well as my idiot brothers?"
She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose. "You'll just have to trust that I'm not an idiot and that I won't put myself in unnecessary danger."
He groaned, but it finally sounded a little more cheerful.
"You're going to drive me insane, aren't you?"
"Probably about as much as you will me."
His fingers traced the curve of her cheek and she leant into the caress, smiling when his thumb lightly brushed her lower lip.
"Kiss me."
She was powerless to resist his request, allowing him to guide her closer with the gentle pressure of a finger under her chin.
She kissed him softly, feathering her lips against his, soft pecks that grew in intensity, lips lingering on his, unwilling to let him go too soon. She tried to pull back but he wouldn't let her, his fingers burrowing their way into her hair, holding her in place with a firm but gentle hand.
Her mouth curved into a smile, voice muffled as she spoke mid kiss. "I love you."
He didn't answer with words, but his actions were enough. He pulled her closer, deepening their kiss, his tongue parting her lips to dip inside and tangle with her own.
The kiss became something more than just a meeting of lips, it was a declaration of support, commitment and love.
Breaking away slightly breathless, they took a second, their foreheads resting together. She rubbed her nose against his, dropping a few tiny little pecking kisses on his luscious mouth, just because it was there and deliciously tempting, before she pulled back.
Selene lifted herself up off his lap. "Now you are going to turn all that off and trust EOS to do her job, and wait on the couch for me while I go and make us some cocoa."
Selene almost screamed when she found Virgil lurking in the stairway that led to the kitchen, stopping herself just in time before she woke up the whole house. She clutched her chest, trying to prevent her heart from escaping.
"Is he OK?" he whispered.
She nodded. "I'm taking care of him," she whispered back.
She mimed a drink and he shook his head, pointing back up to the bedrooms. "I was finishing a painting and saw his bedroom door open and that you were both gone."
"And you got worried?"
"Little bit."
She nodded and opened her arms, giving him a brief hug before letting him go.
"I got him, you head to bed, we won't be far behind."
He ambled off and she continued to the kitchen where she made them a couple of drinks. Returning to the lounge and John, she was pleased to see that he had done as she'd asked and vacated the desk, though he had yet to put his tablet down.
She cleared her throat, trying not to laugh when he jumped guiltily and quickly turned it off.
She handed him a mug and curled up on the couch beside him, lifting his arm to wrap it around her shoulders.
John glanced down at Selene, her head heavy against his shoulder. They had been talking quietly for more than an hour but she had slowly wound down, her pauses between responses growing longer, until she had passed out.
He gathered her into his arms and pulled her onto his lap, holding her close for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of her so warm and solid in his embrace.
He rested his chin on top of her head, his mind turning over the events of the night. She always challenged him in ways he could never anticipate. She was right, she knew him better than he realised, and she never let him get away with anything. Honestly, he'd been kidding himself thinking he could hide his worries from her.
He sighed, giving her a little squeeze of appreciation, even though she wasn't awake to acknowledge it. He hated to admit it but he did feel better after talking to her, the knot that had taken up permanent residence in his chest had loosened, allowing him to breathe fully for the first time in a week.
He couldn't help how his brain worked sometimes, how it just ran away with him, letting all his insecurities and anxiety get the better of him. Truth be told he was still half expecting to wake up one morning and realise that it had all been some elaborate fantasy dream that his lonely mind had conjured up. He'd be in his bunk on Five, and he'd have no warm, welcoming witch to nag at him, to demand and yell, yet make his life richer for her presence in it. She looked after him even when he didn't want or appreciate it, she forced him to do things he didn't even know he needed. And she did it all with unwavering good humour and patience.
He was so lucky to have her. He knew she didn't believe in marriage the way he did, and he certainly wouldn't see it as ownership, but being able to show the world that she was his, that he was worthy of her was a desire he hadn't been able to shake.
He was just glad that she had taken it all in her stride and, much as he was loathe to admit it, glad that she had forced him to talk it out with her. It was relief to have his fears put to rest.
But with that relief came the bone deep tiredness that he'd been ignoring the last few days. He should try to sleep and she'd be much more comfortable in bed.
Cradling her against his chest he got to his feet, shifting her weight to hold her more securely, carrying her carefully to his room. He paused at the door, looking around the room, filled with a lifetime of his belongings. From academic awards, sports trophies to projects, bookshelves full of text books and numerous classics, star charts on the walls and select few childhood toys. She had a couple of her person items scattered around, but that was it. It was still his room. He should change that, show her that she was truly a part of his life and a member of the family. He made a mental note to talk to Scott and Virgil about taking her shopping to get things to redecorate with, to put her own stamp on the place.
He laid her gently down on her side of his bed and climbed in beside her, pulling her close again. She settled instantly, curling close against his side, her arm sliding around his waist, her head on his chest.
He picked up a strand of her hair to play with, letting the peacefulness he always felt when near her steal through him, sleep finally dragging him down into restful darkness. They could do this, they had each other.