"Does age difference in mates matter to Bright Fairies?"
She straightened from smelling a flower on a walk and looked up at him.
His gaze remained straight ahead, but his hold on her hand loosened a hint.
"It doesn't matter to me. Why?" She frowned.
"Your friends brought it up a few nights ago. From what I gather, Bright Fairies' mates are born within a year of each other." He glanced from the corner of his eye.
"From everyone I know, I suppose that's true," she answered carefully. "I don't see why it matters, though, because the lifespan of the older mate lengthens to match the younger one. If we mate, your lifespan would lengthen by almost three hundred years to match mine, so you wouldn't fade before me."
"But is that a fact for any fairy or just a Bright Fairy?" He finally turned his head to look at her.
The frown deepened. "Oh. I don't know. I assumed any fairy. The Keeper probably knows." Then her wings drooped. "If it's just Bright Fairies, you're never going to ask me to mate, are you?"
With a deep sigh, he stopped walking and turned to face her. "Honestly, I don't know. Although fairies don't age nearly as much as humans, there is a little bit of the aches now and then, the slower healing, and such. And the physical differences, like your friend stated the other night."
Cocking her head, she studied his eye that wouldn't quite meet her gaze. "You're worried that everyone thinks you're too old for me."
He finally looked. "They can tell an age difference—one that doesn't happen among Bright Fairy mates. Eventually they're going to realize I'm not a Bright Fairy and find out what I am. If the Queen has to banish me, I can't be near to protect you."
She swallowed hard and looked at the ground. He was preparing for never seeing him again one day. A tear slid down. Offering her profile would keep him from seeing it. "And you aren't going to put off the inevitable. When are you leaving?" Stroking a flower's petals helped to keep more tears in check.
His arms wrapped around from behind and his chest pressed to her back. "I'm not leaving until the Queen forces me. Don't weep," he whispered and leaned down and pressed a kiss to her neck and then ear.
"I'll come."
The kisses stopped and his head pulled back. "You don't know, do you?"
She turned in his arms with a frown. "Know what?"
Sadness dimmed his eye. "If a Bright Fairy leaves the kingdom for more than a year, she fades."
"I could come back for a few days each year."
He shook his head. "That's not how it works. And if you leave with a banished fairy, your wings would shrivel, too."
Her eyes popped. "Your wings shrivel if she banishes you?"
"It's that way for any banished fairy in Pixie Hollow."
She burst into tears and flew away.
Sleet's arms suddenly wrapped around as she ran into him. He hovered and gathered her to his chest. "Dewdrop, I've talked to Lord Milori again, and he said he'll continue talking to the Queen. I've been reinstated as the captain of the winter army, so that has to be a step in the right direction."
Leaning back in his arms to meet his eye, she sniffled. "You have?"
He nodded. "It's almost two years earlier than he said, so perhaps at least he is warming up to the idea of you and I mating."
"Promise that you'll never just disappear one day and never come back. Promise," she begged.
Confusion clouded his face as he searched her eyes. "You may be sad at first, but in time you'll find a Bright Fairy who makes you so much happier than I ever could—"
A downpour of rain started, soaking everything. Her wings suddenly drooped, but Sleet's arms curled tighter, protecting from the fall as he landed hard on his feet and stumbled. "Are you alright?" He slowly eased her onto her feet when she nodded.
Turning her face up to the rain to meet his gaze, it didn't matter about hiding the tears because he wouldn't be able to tell with so much rain anyways. "So each time I go home, I need to be ready for it that it could be the last time I see you?"
Rain dripped from his shoulder length hair and nose and chin, but he didn't seem to even notice. He held her eyes as he eased the eye patch off and tucked it in his belt. Then he cupped her face in his hands. "You don't have to live in fear like that," he breathed and leaned down.
His lips captured hers, and his warm tongue slipped past to dance with hers. He stepped closer, molding his body to hers and offering shelter from the rain. The roughness of his hands disappeared as he cradled her face so gently. One of his hands slid into her wet hair to cradle the back of her head as she laid a hand on his chest and the other splayed over the large muscle of his bicep. He deepened the slow and tender kiss, offering safety and love. Even when her mouth grew sweeter from a hint of nectar releasing to mate, the gentle patience in his kiss remained.
Her arms wrapped around, his shoulders so broad that her hands couldn't meet. He lifted her onto his hips and held on tight, which freed her hands to cup his stubbly, square jaw in her hands. The heat of his body kept away chills from the Spring rain.
The extreme differences in their physical sizes struck home, making his gentleness all the more precious. It took splaying her hand to cover his entire cheek. His arms were several times larger than hers, and his shoulder width equaled two of her.
His kiss grew slightly hungrier, but he simply held her up and let her be in control.
So much strength that was rumored to be able to easily tear limbs apart, and yet he offered only gentleness. Speed and vision that were made to react as if predicting the future so an entire kingdom would be slain within minutes, but he offered only protection. Superior intelligence that was created to defeat anything, but he offered only a heart far bigger than any fairy she'd met. It was the most romantic kiss in the rain.
She lifted her head and met his eyes. "I love you more than any fairy has ever loved."
A smile softened his features as his cheeks firmed up under her hands. "If that's so, then I love you more than any living being has ever loved."
That won a shy laugh. Then her smile faded. "Promise me that you'll never leave without me."
"If she banishes me, I can't take you with me. I won't let you give up your wings."
She pressed a kiss to his lips. "That's not your decision to make."
Worry wrinkled his brow. "I will promise to say goodbye, if you promise you won't give up your wings."
"Promise." She'd just have to figure out another way of going after him.
"Lord Milori?" She folded her hands to keep from shaking. He seemed kind in the interactions previous, but speaking to the Queen's mate and the Lord of Winter about such a sensitive topic brought out the nerves.
He sighed and straightened from where he inspected more owl baskets. "Silvermist, if this is another plea about mating, I told Sleet that I'm working on the Queen. I have things that I need to do right now."
She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. It's not about that."
Lord Milori finally stopped and looked at her. He waved away the other fairies for a moment and set his hands on his hips.
"If...if the Queen banishes Sleet some day, I ask that I may be banished with him."
His white eyebrows snapped together and deep concern widened his eyes for a second. "Has he done something that the Queen may banish him for?"
"No, no. There isn't trust there, and I know she wants to ensure that the Bright Fairies' best interests come first."
His expression relaxed. "And you fear that one perceived wrong move will mean his banishment."
It was best not to comment the Queen's mate on her judgements. "I ask that if he's sent away that I'm permitted to go with him. I realize that it means the Queen is no longer responsible for me and I couldn't return to Pixie Hollow."
He frowned. "It's an extremely grave and dangerous choice, Silvermist. Even with Sleet's survival knowledge and protection, there are dangers that don't exist here, so it's very unlikely that either of you would live another hundred years—even if you mated."
She swallowed hard. "I know that banished fairies don't live long."
"Why would you choose this?" His eyes narrowed as he studied her.
Forcing her gaze to hold his, she said, "Why did you choose to stay away from the Queen for centuries? Because it's what was best for her because you could've killed her if you touched her wings with being that cold. If he leaves, it's not because it's best for me or for him. There would be no glimpse of him from time to time or hope that maybe one day we could be together. Isn't a few years of together better than none?"
He suddenly looked years older as memories haunted his eyes. Grave concern spread across his face. "Silvermist, to banish you would be sentencing you to a life of terrible hardship and certain death. Her Majesty has only banished one fairy who made an attempt on her life to take the kingdom—"
"But, Tink said the Queen banished you years ago." This made no sense.
His lips pressed together in a thin line. "When Pixie Hollow was very, very young. But none of us realized the full implications of banishment, and Her Majesty stopped it before it was carried out. I will say that it would have to be severe charges brought against Sleet, with proof, for the Queen to banish him. And I have no doubts that she would refuse to banish you just because you're his mate. You're a good fairy, Silvermist—don't do something reckless to try to follow Sleet if he's ever banished."
Her wings drooped and she took a step closer. "Lord Milori," she said quietly but firmly and looked him in the eye, "we both know that there is only so much tolerance for an Alamur. Tink has many mishaps that result in minor injuries and major property damages. Can you promise me that if these were mishaps by Sleet instead that the Queen would be just as forgiving?"
He looked away.
"It's only a matter of time. And when the time comes, I'm going with him."
Those honey-colored eyes whipped to her. "To leave with a banished fairy has the same ramifications as if being banished. The Queen cannot protect you if you leave with him."
A slow nod answered. "I know. My lord, I hope you reinstated him as captain because you see the honorable protector that I do. And I hope that you can convince her of it, too." She gave a small shake of her head. "Because I have a terrible feeling that the creatures are not finished, and what would seem as the most obvious lure but an Alamur?" Tears welled as she shook her head in earnest. "I don't know how I know, but something is going to happen, and Sleet will be the one to pay."
His eyes narrowed. "What's going to happen?" he demanded.
"I don't know. I had a terrible feeling the last two times the creature attacked, and that feeling is coming back. But there's also a sense of panic now, like I won't be able to keep him safe this time. I haven't told Sleet because he'll only worry about me." She wrapped her arms around herself as the fear grew. "I need you to worry about him, Lord Milori. I'm begging you to keep him safe."
He frowned. "From the creature?"
A tear fell and she shook her head. "From the Queen," she breathed.
"I normally wouldn't repeat a private conversation, but her plans concerned me," Lord Milori said.
He nodded. "She mentioned that she'd follow if I was ever banished, but I thought that idea was gone after I talked to her." Leaning back against the tree, he rested a hand on the sword hilt. "I ask that you cease conversation with the Queen about the mating. If Silvermist is right that the creatures are returning, the best thing may be for me to leave if I'm the draw."
Lord Milori scowled. "The Queen isn't a heartless monster. If you're loyal, she'll protect you from these creatures—"
With a shake of his head, he cut in, "Her willingness to protect me is the problem. Let's face it—at the end of the day, it's going to come down to choosing between an Alamur and her entire kingdom. Only an idiot would choose the former." He flicked the small blade of grass that he'd been chewing to ease some of the nerves. "If I'm mated to Silvermist, she'd fade within a year of my banishment if she didn't come along, and to bring her would still be sentencing her to death." Cool and aloof. Just hold it together for another few minutes. He shrugged. "So not mating is the solution to that problem."
Sadness filled his eyes. "Sleet, it's said that Alamur don't experience the emotions of happiness and love and sadness like Bright Fairies, but I suspect that at least you do. The Queen has not prevented mating simply to hurt you."
"I never said she did," he growled and shoved away from the tree. It was difficult to not let his face harden with a dark look from the pain of finally realizing Silvermist could never really be his. "As I said, the Queen would be an idiot to keep me around for too long." Then he shot into the clouds before Lord Milori dug deeper into the wound.
Flying as fast as possible for an hour doing border patrol didn't help burn off any of the pain. Leading the soldiers through an extra round of physical training didn't help either, and the soldiers had to cry foul to get him to stop. It was the end of the work day and Silvermist had to work late for the April showers coming up, so he sat at the table at home with his head in his hands.
There was no other solution to all of this than to never mate. The Queen would eventually find out about the creatures, and an Alamur was an obvious explanation for the lure. But they weren't after him. There was something about Silvermist that they wanted, and he wouldn't be able to protect her while banished.
Pressing his hands to his eyes in frustration, a groan escaped.
A gust of wind blew through the cabin.
"What's wrong?"
Her melodious voice interrupted the dark thoughts, and his hands dropped. "What are you doing here? I said I'd get you after work."
She shrugged off her cape and set it over the back of a chair. "I finished early and didn't want to wait another hour. I don't need a bodyguard."
His eyebrows shot up. "Yes, you do. And I don't want to hear another word of you protecting me from the creature. There are plenty of other dangers than the creature out there."
As she sank into a chair on the left, she studied him. Too much. "What are you stressed about?"
Leaning back in the chair, a sigh blew out through his nose. "Nothing. It was just a bad day." Then he got up and dug a pan out of the cupboard. "I grabbed some food. What do you feel like for dinner?" When she didn't answer, he turned.
Those brown eyes watched too closely. "You heard from the Queen about mating, didn't you?" Her wings lowered.
Neverland, how she could read his mind was a mystery. Setting the pan on the pot belly stove, he grabbed a can of beans and used the grief as fuel to twist the metal open. "No. But Lord Milori was concerned about your visit today." His dark glare was met with a shocked expression. He dumped the beans in the pan. "And yes, he told me the conversation." Slamming the can down, he turned to face her and crossed his arms over his chest. "We talked about this, and agreed you wouldn't come if I was banished!"
"But if I was banished too, or because of being your mate—"
"I told him to stop talking to the Queen about mating," he cut in.
Her porcelain skin paled even more. "You what?"
Turning to stir the beans helped—to not have to witness the pain in her eyes. "Like you said, more creatures coming makes an Alamur the likely draw. If we mate and I'm banished, you fade within the year from being apart. Even if you came, it is too dangerous out there for us to survive long. If we don't mate, it keeps you here and safe. That's the end of the discussion."
"It is not!" Her delicate voice rose in an attempt to shout and the chair scraped back. "You don't get to decide that we're never mating because the Queen is prejudiced!"
Spinning around, he thrust a finger at the ground. "No! She's doing right by her fairies, which means keeping an Alamur away from you! If I was her, I would've banished me the minute I broke your arm!"
Entire armies had cowered under his shouts, but she only took on a fierce scowl. "It was an accident! You have done nothing against this kingdom since you came centuries ago, so shut up about being an Alamur!" She threw her arms up. "I don't care what you are! You use it as an excuse!"
His jaw clenched in an effort to hold his temper. "You want so badly to be with me, then you'd better open your pretty eyes and accept that I come with prejudices," he hissed. "There are instincts that I fight every day! I'm not this perfect fairy who was magically transformed from a killer to a hero! The only thing the damn sugar transfusion did is make it so other Alamur can't smell me out and so fairies won't die tragic deaths if my sugar is touched! It wasn't a magic cure-all for the monster that I am!"
The anger fled her face. Instead, she stepped closer and reached up to cup his cheek. "I never said I thought it changed you. I know each day is hard for you, but it's that strength of making the right choice each minute that makes me love you. For a Bright Fairy, peace and kindness come naturally. I see you struggle sometimes to fight instincts. I know what you are, but I also know who you are." She set a hand over his heart. "You were born and taught evil. But you don't choose it—every day I see you making choices that don't come naturally but you do it because it's the right thing. That's why I think you're a hero, Sleet. You don't even see how good you've become—you've sacrificed to protect me in ways that not even a Bright Fairy would. You've taught me more about kindness than I've learned from any Bright Fairy. And your love is so strong and safe that I don't fear that you'll ever hurt me. You're not a monster." She flew up and hovered as she pressed a kiss to his lips.
Easing his arms around her waist, he pulled her closer so her wings could relax. "I love you. I only told him we're not mating because I want you safe," he whispered between kisses.
She pulled back with a heartbroken look. "You really told him to not ask the Queen? We're never going to mate?"
A frown tugged. "Dewdrop, we knew it probably wouldn't happen. I told you that I don't think it's physically possible to mate and not hurt you, anyways."
"But, I thought you were just scared. You won't hurt me." Tears brimmed in her eyes, reflecting the firelight like tiny crystals. "What about you fading three hundred years before me? Will you mate then?"
An ache formed in his chest, and he swallowed hard. She was willing to wait another four hundred years to mate. He didn't deserve love this great. "If by then you still haven't found someone else, I promise we will mate." He pressed a kiss to her brow.
But she pulled out of his arms and stared like he had two heads. "What do you mean, found someone else?"
The ache grew stronger, and he took her hand.
She withdrew it and took another step back.
The words choked in his throat. "Dewdrop, the best thing for you is to find someone else, and that can't be done if we're together—"
"You're my mate! There isn't someone else! Why—"
He held up his hands. "There has to be a Bright Fairy meant for you."
Her gentle eyes widened and she tried to furiously blink back tears. It only made the ache inside worse. "You were lying this whole time that you were talking to Lord Milori and the Queen about mating?"
"No, I wanted it to work, but it won't. If the Queen hasn't changed her mind by now, she's not going to. It's been months of trying. But in the end, you're a Bright Fairy and I'm an Alamur. It just doesn't happen, Silvermist."
A tear rolled down her cheek and her throat moved in a hard swallow. "You don't want me?"
Tears blurred her. "How could I not want you?" he breathed, his throat growing tight. Oh Neverland, the ache inside split open with a pain never felt before. It was agonizing, but there wasn't physical pain. "Never have I lied about loving you."
Her bottom lip quivered and more tears rolled down her face. "I don't understand. Mates don't just go away. Did I do something mean?"
The words made a tear fall. Of course she didn't understand—she was so kind and innocent that being apart made no sense to her. He sniffled. "You did everything right. I'm not what's best for you, and there is no future together. All I'm doing is keeping you from finding your true mate. I'm an Alamur, Silvermist. I'm meant to kill you."
For some reason, that is what made her burst into sobs.
He stepped forward to hold her, but she pushed away and grabbed her cape.
"Silvermist—"
She ran out the door and flung a hand out when he ran after her. The stream at the border rose up and created a dome around him. At the border, she flung off the cape.
"Silvermist!" He flew up through the water and fell to his hands and knees as his wings drooped from being wet.
She shot into the Autumn sky, and her soft sobs followed.
Cold seeped into every bone from being drenched and in Winter, but it didn't matter. Tears fell watching her leave, eating up every detail of her hair blowing, of her wings moving, of her pixie dust sparkles trailing behind. Because it would be the last time seeing her—she would be too hurt to ever speak again and too sad to ever come close enough to be seen again. The pain inside pushed the air out, making it hard to breathe. It swelled and came in waves, over and over in agonizing waves. And then it burst out in gut-wrenching sobs. She was gone forever.
"Captain?" Lord Milori approached at work two weeks later.
"What the Neverland do you want?" he snapped and turned again, doing another lap of pacing while the soldiers took a break from training for lunch.
"I'm going to assume that you didn't know it was your General speaking," he replied tightly. "You've been working the soldiers like dogs from dawn to dusk. We aren't going to war, so there's no need for this much overtime."
"If they have a damn problem, they can go join the Queen's army," he snapped and whipped the piece of straw from his teeth to chuck it on the ground. Five minutes was enough of a lunch break for the soldiers.
Lord Milori cleared his throat pointedly. "It ends today. You're chewing the soldiers up, and none of them want to speak to you. I've had several complaints."
"And what's your point?" he barked and turned to stalk back toward Lord Milori in another lap.
"I ran into Silvermist yesterday."
He threw Lord Milori his darkest death look.
But Lord Milori ignored it. "She looks awful and is in tears all the time. When I pressed her for an explanation, she said that you broke up with her."
Stopping toe to toe with Lord Milori, he drew up to his full height and glared down at him.
Silence.
Lord Milori threw a punch right in the jaw.
All the anger and heartache unleashed and he threw the hardest punch possible in a blind rage. And his fist went right through a wood shield. It only caused more fury.
Lord Milori shot back behind some trees. All common sense fled. It didn't matter anymore who knew he was a monster because the one that kept his soul in existence was gone forever. With a battle cry, he ripped through the woods after Lord Milori.
It took three seconds to catch Lord Milori, and a half second to throw him to the ground and clutch a hand around his neck. The other fist pulled back for a punch as Milori's fingers hooked under his hand around his neck to try to breathe. But there was no struggle.
"One," he hissed, everything red with rage. "One squeeze and I crush your neck so your head falls off. One punch and I splatter your brains. One second and you're dead," he snarled. To finally give in to the instincts, to feel the sweet ecstasy of Bright Fairy sugar dripping down his wings...
"One who loved you enough in months to trade her a lifetime," Lord Milori gasped.
Silvermist. The anger dissolved. His fist unfurled and the other hand loosened. The blessed relief from the pain disappeared. Tears welled and he hauled Lord Milori up by the shirtfront to snarl in his face, "Don't ever speak of her again in my presence." Then he flung Lord Milori back to stumble, and he turned to storm back to the soldiers.
"The pain gets worse," Lord Milori said.
His feet stopped of their own accord.
"Each day without her gets worse the first few years, until the only reason you don't make yourself fade is because it would shame her." Footsteps crunching in the snow came closer. "I had to leave the Queen because I was so cold that a bump against her wings would've killed her. You don't have to leave Silvermist."
Spinning around, he hissed, "One moment of a lost temper, one kiss that goes too long means I turn into the monster that does unspeakable things to her that make her scream—a scream that feeds my glow and makes me stronger to tear her apart until she dies from the injuries. That's not a mate, that's a monster from Hell. I've seen what Alamur do to females. What you, I, and the Queen have experienced as tortures was child's play. I'm a monster to be kept caged and away from something as delicate and innocent as she."
"You would no more hurt her than you did me just now."
He shot to be in Lord Milori's face and spat, "If I ever hurt her, you will lock me up and let a creature have at me. And you make sure it takes days or longer before its done with me. And don't let it kill me—I'll deserve to live with what I did to her, every day of my miserable life."
Those brown eyes searched his. "Who taught you that you're so evil?"
With a snort of disgust, he spun away. "The things I've done speak to it." The darkness was so overwhelming. Instincts screamed to be released. The evil tried to overpower like it hadn't in years. There was a sick need to spill sugar—any Bright Fairy's sugar. It was like a craving, a drug gone too long without. Sugar on his wings. Neverland, he licked his lips, the memory of it so sweet. Then he slowly drew his sword.
"Sleet?" A hint of panic filled his voice.
At least in the darkness there wasn't the horrible pain of losing her. Laying the sword against where his neck joined his shoulder, he lightly dragged it across.
"Sleet, no!"
Oh Neverland, the sweetness of Bright Fairy sugar dripping back onto his wings. The disgusting things beat with excitement, tricked into thinking death had resulted to some poor, unsuspecting Bright Fairy. The warmth of the sugar soaking into the tunic satisfied the craving. Sheathing the sword, he opened his eyes.
Lord Milori stood frozen, horrified panic on his face.
Of course a Bright Fairy didn't understand murder or mutilation—much less that this self-mutilation had just spared his life. The instincts were harder to control now with Silvermist gone and it not even mattering, but it would shame her if he took the coward's way and did himself in. Or hurt another fairy. "Don't ever speak of her again in front of me," he said, all emotions blessedly gone, at least for now.
"Silvermist?"
She looked up from where she sat at the edge of a pond for work. The sunlight had shifted to mid-day. Blank staring for hours had become normal in the past weeks. Pretending there was a future with Sleet made it less painful than facing the reality that he didn't love her anymore—his glow around her heart had disappeared the night she'd left. It was just...gone. Tink said that Gliss mentioned Sleet was driving the winter army hard, so he wasn't faded...he just didn't love her anymore.
Lord Milori nodded for the other fairies to leave. When they did, he collapsed onto his knees and got ill.
"Do you need a healer? Should I get the Queen?"
He shook his head and accepted the leaf that she wrapped as a cup to give him water. His hands shook terribly, so she helped steady the cup as he took a long drink. "Don't tell the Queen," he gasped and plopped onto his backside to sit up against a flower stem. Never had he been this unglued that she'd seen.
"What happened?"
"Sleet..." He swallowed hard like nausea threatened again. "He got so upset when I mentioned you a few minutes ago that he slit the side of his throat enough to bleed heavily."
Her heart stumbled. "Is he alright?"
"Yes. He got this crazed look and it was as if the smell of the sugar or something helped calm him down."
It hurt to think of him even doing something like that to himself. "Did it get on his wings?"
He blinked. "Come to think of it, it did. Why?"
She shook her head. "Maybe he got so upset that the instincts tried to come out. You mustn't talk about me if it upsets him so." Taking another leaf, she dipped it in the water and mopped his wet brow. "It's too warm for you here in Summer."
But he caught her wrist. "There's something more to it. He has this dark look in his eye that hasn't been there since he had that first sugar transfusion. You have to talk to him. I don't know if the darkness is spreading in him because he's upset about losing you—"
A bitter smile touched her lips as tears stung behind her eyes. "He's the one who doesn't want to be together. He doesn't love me anymore, so it doesn't matter if I talk to him or not. Just give him time and don't talk about me." The tears blurred him. "He'll get over it—he's an Alamur. Besides, it's only me that he's getting over. I'm just a dumb water fairy who doesn't fit in anywhere. There's nothing to miss about me for very long." She brushed at her eyes. "You need to get back to Winter, my lord." Then she called for Blizzard to come get him.
In bed that night, she set a hand over her heart one more time in hopes of a miracle. But there was nothing, not even a flicker. Silent tears slipped from the corner of her eyes and onto the pillow.
"That's an order!"
She startled during her sunrise walk near the border the next morning. Sleep had become more elusive each night, so early morning walks helped to build exhaustion for bed that night—to keep away dreams of being in his arms.
"But—"
"Drop and give me twenty!" an angry roar answered.
With a frown, she parted the tall blades of Spring grass facing the border.
Sleet paced before a small platoon of soldiers doing pushups. A large group of others stood at attention. It had to be a hundred soldiers or more. "Another mile!" he snapped.
"Captain, sir, we need to stop for water," one of the soldiers said.
Sleet froze and slowly turned to the soldier. There was an anger about him that hadn't been there before, a dark vacancy in his eye. This wasn't Sleet but a shell of what used to be. "Is there insubordination, soldier?" he shouted in the poor fairy's face.
Stepping past the grass and right to the edge of the river to be in full view, she softly said one word. "Sleet."
Even from this distance, every muscle in his body could be seen tensing and freezing. He didn't even appear to breathe. Then he very slowly turned on his heel, his face pale and eye wide as he looked at her.
A far cry from being happy to see her, but it wasn't an unexpected reaction. Drawing a deep breath, she flew over to the boulder that served as the bridge to Winter. And waited with her hands folded in front to keep him from seeing the trembling. Every fiber of her being wanted to run into his arms and weep about this terrible nightmare of being separated from him. Only, it wasn't a nightmare. Squeezing her hands tight helped to hold back the tears.
He slowly approached.
"Captain?" One of the men asked and glanced at the others.
But Sleet kept coming, as if he hadn't even heard them. He stopped on the Winter side of the boarder that may as well have been an impenetrable wall. His expression wasn't hard, but impossible to read. Silence.
Swallowing hard, she glanced at the soldiers to work up the courage to speak. "You don't have to take your anger out on them," she said quietly for his ears alone. "I know you're angry with me..." It grew harder to keep in the tears, which made her breathing pick up.
His eye darted down to where the locks of hair cascaded over her shoulders and down to her waist, exaggerating the deep, rapid breaths. The expression on his face hardened. "So you're offering yourself as sacrifice to the monster in their stead?" he spat, as if unable to tolerate even speaking to her.
Receiving such hatred, especially from him, made it impossible to hide the tears that welled. So she kept her head up but stared at his feet. "So they are given a chance to realize the good Sparrowman that you are," she said softly. "If you teach them that you're a monster, that's what they'll see."
The silence of revulsion continued. It was too hard to take, so she turned and flew away before he could see the tears.
Her ocean scent slammed home, almost making him fall to his knees at her feet. Neverland, she was more beautiful than remembered, even with slight circles under her eyes like she struggled to sleep. Her voice was like a siren's call, begging to be swept up in a kiss.
She wouldn't look as she spoke, clearly hating him. And with every right. The pain of loss stung fresh all over again, hardening his voice.
Instead of disgust and anger in her answer, there was kindness and...love. Tears spilled down his cheeks, robbing him of words. Every moment of torture and anguish in life was worth it, if only it all lead to this moment of seeing her one last time.
Just as he reached out to take her in his arms and give her whatever she wanted, she turned and flew away as fast as possible.
"Hate me, dewdrop," he whispered to her retreating back. "It's the only thing that will keep me from coming for you, that will keep you safe."
Rumors of the Winter Army captain growing colder and fiercer began to circle over the next week. He hated her so much that she'd done this to him. Sometimes it was all she could do to remember to keep breathing every moment of every day. Tink even made her see a healer because her glow dimmed so much. The healer could find nothing wrong. What hurt was on the inside, something that no medicine in the world could fix.
"This is ridiculous! Get over the hospital right now!" Healer Spruce stormed through the cabin door.
He drew a sword from where the work belt hung over the back of a chair. "Get out."
Spruce simply knocked it aside. "Lord Milori said you cut your neck and now you cut your hand. It has to be the darkness—"
"I cut it by accident with a pocket knife last night," he barked and sheathed the weapon. "Now, get out."
But Spruce dropped his medical bag on the table and started digging in it. "Did you do something to your glow with Silvermist?"
"What?"
He pulled out a stethoscope. "Did you pull your glow from around Silvermist's heart? She's suddenly having heart problems, and that's the only explanation I can think of."
The sheath fell from his hands. "Heart problems? Is she alright? Where is she right now?"
"Yes or no? I don't want you there if you haven't done anything because she doesn't need to get more upset right now."
The panic grew. "I, I, I closed it off because the darkness is stronger with her gone—"
"You, what?!" He paled. "You can't just shut down a mate connection to a Bright Fairy! She's fading and that explains why!"
His knees buckled and he dropped into a chair. "Fading? How? What, how do you fix it?"
"You can fly extremely fast, right?"
He nodded dumbly.
"Go to the hospital. Second floor, room two hundred-five. Set her hand over your heart and yours over hers. You have to restore the connection. If there's any little bit of love for her yet, tell her that you love her—it'll help jump start her glow."
He shot out before Spruce said anything else.
Going through the hospital would take longer. So he tore through the skies and burst through a second floor window and slammed right into the opposite wall.
A sparrowman with his leg elevated in a cast looked up in surprise.
"Sorry." He ran out into the hall. There—her room was two doors down. He ran in and slammed to a halt, unprepared for it all.
She looked so frail and small in the hospital bed, her complexion slightly blue and breathing rapid. There was a thinness in her cheeks that hadn't been there a week ago, or he'd been too surprised by her arrival during army training to notice.
Tink glanced up from where she sat on the edge of the bed holding Silvermist's hand. She turned red.
"I didn't know it'd hurt her," he said and held up a hand. "I thought I was protecting her from something," he said as he walked around the bed. Silvermist's eyes didn't open. Her glow gave a flicker.
Tink gave a long look, the red slowly fading from her glow. "Sometimes she hears things and opens her eyes, sometimes not."
His eyes didn't waver from Silvermist as he sat on the opposite side of the bed.
Tink's voice broke as she continued. "I don't know what fight you had, but she's been crying for days saying you hate her and don't love her anymore. I brought her here this morning after she fainted. She wouldn't let me go get you after Healer Spruce figured out the glow around her heart is missing."
Tears burned as he pulled off his tunic. "Why?"
"S, she said that she was okay with fading because she didn't fit in and no one would miss her for long."
A tear slid down his nose and fell on the blanket as he leaned over and eased the shoulder of her hospital gown down. "Let me see if I can heal her."
Tink left and closed the door.
"Dewdrop, I'm going to try to help your heart." Instead of setting a hand over hers, he eased her limp body up and cradled her in his arms as he pressed his heart to hers.
It grew warmer. Her breathing grew stronger. The bee buzzed faster as it gave her heart readout.
The dark thoughts and sick instincts plaguing the last few weeks melted away. Love and peace and happiness returned. And the tears fell faster. "I'm so sorry, dewdrop," he whispered against her hair. "I thought I was protecting you from the darkness that came after I sent you away. I didn't know it'd hurt you. Come back to me, dewdrop. I love you."
Her body firmed, as if she was no longer unconscious. Then her arms slowly pushed between them.
He eased her back against the pillows. "It would be good to do it longer."
Although her color returned and her glow was brighter, she still looked exhausted and weak. She gave a slow shake of her head. "I don't want fake love," she breathed.
A choked laugh escaped as he brushed away his tears. "You think fake love could strengthen your glow? Silvermist, I never stopped loving you."
Her chin quivered and tears fell from her eyes, but she was too weak to wipe them away. So he carefully brushed them. "It's okay that you don't love me anymore. I know you hated talking to me at the boarder, and you're taking anger out on the soldiers."
Pressing a hand to his eyes helped to control the fresh tears at those words. When he looked at her, the tears fell all the same. "I was trying not to take you in my arms at the border. I'm so angry and bitter without you. All I do is hurt you when I don't even try—like this. I'm scared to be your mate, but I'm even more lost without you."
Her face crumpled, which was worse to see than feel any of his own pain. "I'm so sad without you. I thought you hated me."
He gathered her in his arms. "No, I could never hate you. I'll love you til the day I die, Silvermist."
Her arms weakly wrapped around his neck. "Don't leave me again," she begged.
His arms tightened. "Never. I promise never again, my dewdrop."
The next afternoon, there was a knock on the cabin door as he finished tucking Silvermist into his bed.
He opened it to see Lord Milori. Glancing over his shoulder to see her already asleep, he stepped out and closed the door.
"How is she?"
A sigh of relief. "Better. She's still weak, but Healer Spruce expects her to make a full recovery in a few more days."
Lord Milori nodded. "Even if you feel the darkness trying to come out, you can't completely cut off your connection like that again. You have to tell Spruce if it comes and you're worried about it spreading to her. He isn't certain it's possible or not."
He nodded. "I didn't realize it would harm her." Then he scratched the back of his neck. "Bright Fairies are much more connected to their mates than I understood. I have to ask if the Queen doesn't give her blessing on a mating between different types of fairies, is it possible for a mating to still happen?"
It was answered with a groan. "You're thinking of asking her to mate either way, aren't you?"
"I think it might be in everyone's best interests if I don't answer that."
"It certainly would benefit me with the Queen if I wasn't privvy to it. But no, I believe the only way it can happen is by force. I don't think you can get her wings soft enough from white dust without the Queen's consent."
He blinked. "Alamur can't make white dust."
Lord Milori frowned. "Then how do you not break a female Alamur's wings?"
His shoulders sagged. "There's no care for her wings because she's dead by the end of it anyways."
His eyes narrowed. "Just how do you plan on mating without going into this frenzy that you call it?"
Running a hand through his hair, he stared off in the distance. "You know how you'd do anything, give anything, be anything for the Queen?"
He nodded.
"Every day I fight what I am because it means having her. When we kiss, I'm able to control the frenzy. If we mate once, very quickly just enough to bind our glows so I can protect her, there's no need to ever be intimate again."
But his eyebrows rose. "You think that having a naked female in your bed night after night won't break you?"
Meeting Lord Milori's eyes he answered, "When I know it would kill her to do so? No."
He rubbed his forehead. "Well, not that it matters that much because you won't be able to soften her wings. Let me talk to the Queen again."
A week later, Silvermist pulled him through the dance club again. Females tried to get his attention, but the focus was on getting his dainty dewdrop through the rambunctious crowd. When she pointed to the floor to go dance and looked, he nodded and followed her, a hand protectively on the small of her back. Dancing was far from a favorite activity, but Silvermist enjoyed it so much.
He spun her in an awkward move, but she laughed all the same. Releasing her hand, he turned and came face to face with the Queen and Lord Milori. Every muscle tensed. Here it was—she'd found out about the creature and was about to banish him. The urge to scoop up Silvermist and run threatened.
The Queen pulled him down and whispered in his ear, "You must always be careful with her. If not, I'll slay you myself. Ask her to mate."
"Seriously?" he asked in shock and looked at the Queen.
She smiled and nodded.
So much joy exploded in his chest that his wings buzzed. "Dewdrop, I have to ask you something!" he cried and scooped Silvermist up and ran out the door with her.