Pheww! Kelsey sighs as she unlocks the door, entering the quiet still of Clay's apartment.
"Oh thank god that's over " There's a sigh of tired relief as she drops to sit down on the couch. "Thank you for helping Naima clear up, I don't think I had the energy to help any longer. I'm just glad you were there" She rubs her head the feeling of tiredness giving her a headache. Arrrghh! "You know, I'm knackered. I feel like I've been run over by a bus, I'm that tired!"
"Hey c'mon, take these shoes off and then I tell you what..." Alex carries the still sleeping Casey inside, setting the car seat down on the floor by her feet. "..why don't I run you a bath and then you can take a nice long soak. I'll keep an eye on his lordship while you do"
"No, Alex l can't ask you to do that, you've done enough for today. I'm sure you're tired as well, after your flight. Look why don't you go to the hotel and get some sleep. You need to rest as well."
"Sleep? No, I'm fine. Look I'm used to lack of sleep after a flight. I'm trained for it " he smiles "Don't worry about me, I'm a Commando remember, we're built tough" He flexes his muscles making her laugh as he kisses her on the head.
"You know, I thought I was, tough but now... after having him. I'm not so sure. But I guess I'm just over reacting"
"Hey, shut up being so hard on yourself. I'm not the one who's just given birth to a seven pound, eating and pooping machine. My medical advice, for what it's worth, go have a bath and relax. I'll make us some coffee"
"Thanks" She smiles, kissing him on the cheek. As she gets to the bedroom doorway Casey stirs and as he wakes he immediately starts to cry. Ohhh! she sighs. "Well there goes my quiet bath. Someone will be hungry again"
Her face drops, and the exhaustion of the long afternoon overwhelms making her cry. Shit! "Sorry" She quickly wipes the tears from her face, taking a deep breath in she gathers her energy "Guess I better feed him first before I have a bath or he won't settle" She checks the time on her phone. Three hours, he's like clockwork! She smiles, also noticing there's a message on her phone from Clay. Missing you both already. See you very soon. x
"Look Alex, I'll feed him" She sits down. Lifting Casey from the car seat she unbuttons her blouse " So, if you wanna get off, you can. I'll be fine on my own."
"I'll make you coffee" Alex leans himself over the back of the couch, stroking her hair, he smiles watching as she puts the baby against her chest "Look Kelsey, why don't I stay overnight. I could keep you company while Clay's gone. So, you don't have to be on your own. I mean, I can sleep right here on the sofa"
He smiles as she turns around to look at him "Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not sure it's a good idea. I mean..." she laughs "this sofa's not that comfortable"
"Look, I've slept in worse places and this is to help you. I promise..." he smiles "I won't snore!"
Hmm! She smiles "Well actually it would be nice, I don't mean you snoring but to have some company. Are you sure you don't mind? I thought you had a nice hotel booked."
"Of course, I don't mind and it means I get to spend more time with you and him, so why would that be a problem?"
Wiping the tear from her cheeks she smiles as she undoes another button on her shirt to make herself more comfortable. Then un-clipping her bra, she settles back into the couch pillows to feed Casey.
"If you look, I think there are some beers in the fridge, if you want one. I mean, if you are going to stay" she smiles " But can you still make me a coffee, please?"
"Of course, I'll stay!" he kisses her cheek "Look, I'll go down grab your suitcase and my overnight bag, out of the car. Then how about I make us something to eat, some pasta maybe? It's been a while since you had that burger and you need to eat properly"
"Alex..." She grabs his hand as he massages her shoulder "Thanks...for everything today. I appreciate you putting yourself out to come here for me"
"Shut up! You'll make me cry" he laughs "Now, just get on and feed him. Make the most of the time to relax. I'll be back in five minutes"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Hey" she smiles. She's just had a bath and is wrapped in the large pink towel, her wet hair pinned on top of her head, while she stands quietly in the bedroom doorway. "Alex.." she frowns "What the hell are you doing?" She watches as he sits in front of the TV, his foot pumping up and down, he's rocking the baby seat on the floor.
"Oh, I um... I worked out if I stop, he wakes up and cries, so I have to keep doing it" He smiles seeing her frowning at him "It's good exercise" He laughs "So... how're you feeling? Better after that bath?"
"Yeah, yeah it was nice. Peaceful. Thanks for, keeping an eye on him. Hopefully he didn't play up too much?"
"No, he's been great. Look at him, I love watching him sleep. Watch his little chin, it's like he's dreaming. You know, when you look at him asleep like that, you can see how much he looks like Clay"
"Yeah, yeah he does, though I think he's a lot like Ash, Clay's dad. But don't tell Clay I said that.." she smiles "cos they don't really get on. So, I don't think he'd appreciate it"
"Ash? Do you mean Ash Spenser? Isn't he the seal that wrote the book. He's Clay's dad?"
Mmmm hmm "Yeah but don't mention that either, it's a bit of contentious issue around here" She laughs "I think I heard he's writing another one, so god knows what will be in that! Look, I'm just gonna get my dressing gown and take this wet towel off."
She heads back into the bedroom taking a minute, sitting down on the bed. She lets out a long-tired sigh and lays back against the quilt, closing her eyes.
Awww! She grimaces. In pain again she gently runs her hand over her breast. It's so tender, sore and not helped by the fact the fabric of the towel rubs on it.
"Are you okay?" Alex frowns, watching her as he leans on against the door frame, holding Casey who's still fast asleep, tucked securely against his chest "I thought I'd lay him down in his cot. Do you want me to or if you want some quiet? I can keep him through here with me, it's not a problem"
"No. No, he's fine, better to lay him down" she sits up "You want me to take him ?"
"No, I got this!" He gently lays him on his side in the crib, tucking the blanket loosely over his body. He smiles watching him sleep. Then turning around to look at Kelsey he notices her still rubbing her hand on her chest " Are you sure you're okay?" he frowns "You're in a lot of pain there, I noticed earlier, when you're feeding him now, you're avoiding that side aren't you?"
"It's nothing." She frowns "I'm sure it will sort itself out. But yeah, yeah I've gotta admit, it does hurt"
He settles Casey and then sits down on the bed next to her "You know, I texted a friend of mine earlier. He's doctor, works on Maternity at the Royal. I asked his advice, about your... issue. He sent me a link to a website with some information. Said he couldn't be sure without seeing you but there's a few things it could be, but he did tell me what to look for and a few suggestions. Kelsey, do you want me to have a look for you?"
"Oh what, um... " She frowns "..I'm not sure, I mean I don't know if you should. It would be a bit weird, right? More for you, I mean" She holds the towel against her, staring him in the eyes. She feels slightly awkward and she hesitates while trying to decide what to do. She trusts Alex, he does have a medical background she reminds herself and I would be good to know if there was something wrong.
"C'mon, just let me just check. See if we can sort out what's wrong and start to ease the symptoms, right? I don't like to see you in pain. Alternatively, we could get you checked out by a doctor here tomorrow. It's up to you"
"Okay!" She nervously takes a breath "Yeah why not. No need to be prudish right, I mean it's not like you've not seen them before. " she smiles "Just it feels a little weird... I don't know" She laughs.
"Trust me" he smiles, reassuring her " this is purely medical. And you know what, to make the experience more real, I even won't warm my hands, on purpose!"
"Alex!" she laughs "God you're so stupid! Come on then, get on with it. And if you're just kidding me to have a grope of my boob and you don't really know anything then I am gonna kill you, just know that!"
She takes a deep breath and sits up. Then closing her eyes tight shut, she lowers the towel on that side. Alex smiles reassuringly, looking at her face as she blinks her eyes open and then closes them again. He softly and gently puts his hand to her breast, applying a gentle pressure, he feels all around the surface.
Awww! She flinches in pain, opening her eyes and frowns at him.
"That hurts there?" he questions
Umm hmmm "Yeah!" She closes her eyes again as he continues to feel with a little more pressure this time. Ouch! She grimaces "I just told you that hurts."
"Okay!" he covers her over with the towel, and looks at his phone "Well, I don't think you have an infection but there's possibly a blockage, which is what Tim said he thought. So, there are a few things on here we can try to relieve it. You wanna read, see what you want to try first?"
He hands her his phone and she does a quick scan read, then leans back " I'll read it all in a minute. It just really hurts" She puts her hand to it and sits up, crying
"Look, it says to express some milk, take the pressure off. So why don't you try that first then you can take a break overnight. Get on top of it and the soreness."
Mmmm hmm "Yeah maybe. Oh, I don't know what to do. Alex, everything hurts I didn't think I was supposed to be like this" She leans her head on his shoulder crying.
"Hey c'mon..." He wraps his hand around the back of her head and comforts her ".. it's just hormones, it's all gonna be fine. A few days and things will settle down. You can't keep being so hard on yourself. You've been through an ordeal this week and you need to take it slowly"
"I know. I guess I'm just tired. I'll be fine. Thank you" she smiles at him, stroking his cheek "The voice of reason as always"
"Look I'll stay here, keep an eye on him. You go do what you need to ... you know. And then you can get some sleep. Do you know when you're expecting Clay back?"
"No. No, it's not something you can know; it's not really liked our jobs. It could be a day, a few days, even longer. You just sit here and don't really know anything. I mean I'm sure they could get a message to him, if I needed to but... nothing else not until he comes back through that door".
"Things will seem better when he gets back." he kisses the top of her head again "Until then I'll stay here, keep you company or ... annoy you." he laughs "Depends how I'm feeling"
"Thanks. Alex... thanks for everything. Just being here is helping. You've been great " She smiles. "Right, I guess I'm gonna go sort this problem out. So, just shout if you need me or if he wakes up"
"We'll be fine, won't we little man" They both smile, staring into the crib watching Casey sleeping. Alex, looks up at her and then takes hold of her hand, stroking his other hand against her cheek "You're gonna be fine. You'll see. Soon this will all come easy and you'll wonder why you were getting so upset"
o-o-o-o-o-o
"Right..." she sighs "..so I put the bottles of milk in the fridge for the...morn..ing!" she stops talking, smiling as she looks at Alex, who's fallen asleep on the edge of the bed next to Casey. Then coming around to the side of the crib, she gently strokes the sleeping baby's face with her finger before turning around to look at the sound asleep Alex. "So much for Mr Jet lag doesn't affect me! " She laughs quietly to herself. Gently lifting the quilt, she pulls it up over him. Kissing his cheek as she whispers "I'm so glad you're here"
Then she sighs, tired she takes one one of Clay's tee shirts from the closet, pulling it on before she climbs, exhausted, into the other side of the bed. Laying down she closes her eyes as the tiredness overwhelms her and it's not long before, she too, is sound asleep.
o-o-o-o-o-o
She wakes with a start. The warmth of the sun coming in through the window. Sitting up she notices as she leans over checking the crib that Casey's gone.
Shit! She takes a breath, rubbing her head as she tries to focus. Wondering what the time is she grabs her phone from the bedside table and checks. Six am. Shit!
Wondering what happened she gets up and staggers to the living room still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Then the sudden panic subsides as she sees Alex, his eyes closed, sitting on the couch holding a sleeping Casey in his arms.
There's an almost empty bottle of milk standing on the table in front of him. She frowns, stroking the back of his neck "Hey, you okay?" she whispers in his ear, waking him up "What's been going on?"
He's only dozing and he opens his eyes "Oh hey" he turns his head smiling at her "Look, Casey your sleepy head Mummy is finally awake. Someone was hungry, so we got up"
" Did he um... did he sleep through till now? " she frowns "Cos, I never heard him wake"
"No, no he woke about three am, I think it was. So, I got him up and fed him one of those bottles from the fridge you put in there last night. Don't worry, I warmed it first, right?"
"Yeah right!" she smiles "You know, you should have woken me. I can't believe I didn't hear you"
"That's cos you were tired. It's fine we managed, boys together, didn't we little man. Anyway, you needed the sleep more than me. Here..." he hands the sleeping baby bundle to her "..you take over, because I need to pee and then I'll make us some coffee."
"Did he take that, the bottle I mean, was he alright with it? He hasn't had one before so I didn't know how he would take it "
"Yeah, he's been fine. Oh, maybe he was a little reluctant at first, but once he realised there wasn't an alternative then he got on with it. And then he drank it all. You might want to do some more for later. Then I can do a few more. Give you a rest!"
"Um.. yeah, yeah I guess so. Though perhaps I should go back to...to natural, I don't want him to get too hooked on those. Not that I'm not grateful for a few extra hours sleep. Can't believe how much better I feel, with just a couple of more a hours!"
"Hey, he'll be fine with it. You just need to stop pushing yourself. " he smiles "So, what do you want to do today or do you think Clay will be back?"
"Um... no, no I doubt it. Not today I wouldn't think. If he is it will be late. Well there was... the baby exercise class, I wanted to go to. I know don't tell me it's stupid but... you wanna come?" she frowns "I don't mean to the class, not that a group of new mums wouldn't like you there" she laughs "But they have proper gym there. You could go work out, while I take him. Then we could grab some lunch. Unless you have other plans?"
"Nope, I'm all yours while I'm here, and anyway why would I think the class was stupid? It's good for you to get out, and little gentle exercise might make you feel better" He gently kisses the top of her head as she sits "Right bathroom and then I'll put that coffee on. Then I'm gonna grab a shower, if that's okay?"
"Yeah, yeah of course it is. Sorry, I guess all this it isn't very exciting for you, hanging out me with a baby strapped to me"
"Actually, it's the opposite. It's nice to just slow down and relax for a few days and anyway I like being with you and I like him too. He's great, this is great. So, I don't wanna do anything else. I came to see you and that what I'm doing"
"Listen Kelsey.." He smiles at her " I've been thinking while I sat there, what about if I stay for the two weeks and then when I go back, you could come with me. I mean to see your CO and sort your flat out. I can help you on the plane, through customs, the airport all that, with him and all his stuff. Save you struggling on your own"
"Really?" she frowns "Well I hadn't thought about when I was gonna go yet but, yeah, yeah I guess I could think about doing that. I mean it would be good to have some help. But only one problem, I have to get a passport for him. It's more complicated because technically he's an American citizen and so I have to get a US passport. Which is kinda easier if Clay does it, him also being a US citizen, and I think you need a witness. "
"So, what's the problem? When he gets back you can get him to sort it"
"Yeah, well... I'm not so sure that he's gonna think that's such a great idea" she sighs
"Why?"
"Oh, I don't know, just... this whole Navy thing, me going back. It's got him spooked" She sighs "He won't even really discuss it. Though I am starting to wonder if he's right. I mean really Alex, how the hell can I go back, practically. Look at now, who would look after him if Clay gets spun up and I'm deployed?" Hmmm "How would that work?"
"Well, from what I know, from my unit, that's where your family plan comes into play. Like anything else, you work out and plan for it. Kelsey, people make it work all the time. I'm not saying it will be easy...just it's not impossible, if you both want it enough. So, what you're saying you've changed your mind, that you don't think you want to go back?"
"No, no I'm not saying that just...just it's not that simple. Having him here now, I can see how much harder it's gonna be. Sure, I do think I want to go back. Is that wrong? " she frowns questioning him "But I can't fool myself either, about how tough it's gonna be. I don't mean only getting him taken care of but... to leave him behind. I mean look how tough it was with Clay going yesterday. I could be gone weeks. I'm not sure if I can do that"
"Look, take one step at time. Go see your CO and work out a time frame and then, take it from there. A couple of weeks, a month and you might feel differently. It's still early days" he sighs, stroking her hair trying to reassure her " I've got guys in four two, who's wives are military as well and they make it work."
"Yeah but they're not seals are they. I bet they don't just get snatched away in quite the same way as Clay does with no notice. I mean Ray and Naima do it but she's here all the time."
"No .. no, I will say Clay's job, that does make it slightly more difficult, granted. But if you want it, then maybe he's gonna have to compromise. Maybe he'll have to be part of the solution"
"What? You mean give up being in BRAVO?" she frowns "Oh, you don't know Clay then, being a seal is all he's ever wanted, and I'm not sure I could ask him to give it up, what just so I can go back to my job"
"Well, maybe his priorities will different, now that he has a child"
"You think I should go back don't you?"
"I'm not saying either way" He shrugs " And not that it matters what I think but you should do what you want to do. Like you always have. Kelsey when have you ever let something stop you doing what you want? You just need to find a compromise that's all"
"Listen to you, Mr Practical with all the advice" she smiles "Brains as well as beauty, hey" Oww! She puts her hand to her chest, rubbing the sudden aching pain.
"Right well before all that, first you've got to sort that problem. Try some of those things on that website today, see if you can improve things. When you feel better with that, then you'll be able to think more clearly. Now ...I really need to pee! he laughs
"So, you've been with Uncle Alex have you?" She smiles looking at Casey as he opens his eyes "Has he been behaving. You tell me if he's being naughty" she sighs relaxing back into the soft pillows on the couch. The extra sleep has made her feel so much better.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Jason frowns, closing his eyes then opening them almost immediately ashe hears Clay sighing again "Hey Golden Boy, what the hell's the matter with you?" He sits up and looks at Clay on the opposite side of the plane to him "You okay there?"
"Yeah... yeah I'm just tired. If I'm honest I can't wait to get back. I'm missing Casey already, I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be. Really tugs at the heart strings, right?"
Ray and Jason both sigh and nod. "Yep welcome to the hard part of being a parent, doing this job. Leaving them behind and it don't get any easier, but you'll find ways to deal with it. We all do!" Ray smiles
"Yeah thanks, I hope so. Cos that was tough"
"Hey, remember the worse times are when they' re talking and they ask you not to go! Oh, Brother is that a killer"
"Oh yeah. Man..." Jason frowns "...that first time Emma said Daddy don' t go! Got me right there. 'Course there's times when they older, and they don't care about you going" he laughs "That's just as hard."
"Wow! With me it's ... I just I don't wanna miss anything. You know his first steps, his words... his first day at school. I don't think I could bear not to be there for those things"
"Well there's always gonna be something that you'll miss but that's life, not necessarily this job. Hey Clay, you're gonna be fine. I can see already, you got this!"
"I hope so. I just don't wanna end up like Ash. Casey not having a relationship with me, not wanting to be around me because I wasn't there when he was growing up. I don't wanna repeat Ash's mistakes"
"You know maybe Clay; this might be a time to lay that to rest with your old man. Put yourself in his shoes, cut him a bit of slack. I mean now you can see how hard he had it. Trying to be a single dad, to a small child, that's a tough ask"
"Yeah... yeah I guess. I'm not sure I can imagine it but then I can't imagine not being with him either. I mean if it came to a choice"
"Yeah tough choice. So, you um .. you think Kelsey will go back to work, to the Navy I mean. It seems like it was still in her head, the way she was talking at the barbecue"
"I don't know. I was hoping if I ignored it and didn't talk about it that, now he's here, she'd forget about it but... I don't know if she has. But then realistically on the practical side...how the hell can she? It's gonna be impossible. I mean on that carrier she's deployed for like three months at time, if not longer. How the hell can we make that work with this? I don't think she's thought it through yet."
"Well you know maybe if you talk to her, she could compromise. Maybe take a different job, something that would where she didn't have to be away. I mean if she really wants it she might have to give a little."
"Get her to compromise, so I can keep this job? Yeah, she's gonna love that." He laughs "She worked hard to get where she is, it's been her life. I can't imagine if she asked me to give this up. I mean, how would I do that?"
"Well the other way is maybe if you encourage her to look into, then maybe she might make up her own mind, that it's not practical. Better the decision comes from her, she's more likely to accept it rather than you forcing her hand"
Clay smiles "Like a little reverse psychology, you mean?"
"Well I'm not saying that, but... hey if it works right" Jason smiles, handing him a bottle of water from the cooler. "Look, you have to do what works for you but you know we're all right here for you one hundred percent. Whatever you need us to do, just ask."
"Yeah thanks. Now if you can just tell me how to get rid of some smart mouthed, arrogant cake eater, without getting physical.." He laughs "..then I'm all ears"
"What that guy Alex? Oh, he'll be gone soon. Hell there's nothing for him here now. He'll take off back to the UK, tail between his legs soon enough. If not then... we'll get Mandy to have him rendition-ed!" he laughs, checking the time on his watch "Right, now shut the hell up. Get your head down for a bit. We're gonna be taking off soon. Get yourself some sleep for the flight, make the most of it"
Are you all out there still reading? It's gone quiet so just checking. More coming soon if you want it?