"What the hell are we gonna do?" I buckle my belt. "There's too many of them."

Negan peeks out the curtains he drew. "Shit," He curses, "There's gotta be at least fifty of 'em out there."

I bite the inside of my cheek, swaying in agitation on my feet. "Twenty-five each."

"What?"

"We each have to take out twenty-five. Give or take."

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Negan scoffs. "It's dark as fuck and they're surrounding the cabin."

"You've got a bat, I've got a hatchet and my pistol," I shrug, "We can clear 'em out and go back to Halcyon."

"Or we can be overpowered and eaten like a Thanksgiving buffet," Negan come away from the curtains, "It's better if we just wait it out."

The growling surrounds the outside.

"What if they knock the door down?" I suggest. "It's an old door."

"Then we won't have a choice, but to fight 'em off," Negan sits down on the bed, "The plank should hold the door. They'll wander off in a little while."

"And if they don't?"

"Don't you have a radio with you?" He looks over at me.

"Oh...yeah." I look around the room for it. I check my jacket hanging off the back of chair set at a dining table. I fish it out of my pocket.

"Call your people to come get us."

I stare down at it, feeling the on switch between my thumb and forefinger.

"What the fuck you waiting for?"

I look over at him. "If I do, then they'll know we were here."

"Yeah, that's the point."

"They'll know I'm sleeping with you."

Negan looks me over, perplexed. "You think they don't already know that?"

"No," I look at the radio again, "You've been staying in my house because our kids are there. That's it."

Negan huffs and says something under his breath. "Is that what helps you sleep at night?"

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, Pippa," He says, "Your people know you're getting a little hanky panky whenever I come. Unless they're as dumb as those ugly fucks out there."

"Maybe so, but if they come to rescue us, then it's all out there in the open," I argue, "I could deny it before. I won't be able to deny it afterwards."

"For the hundredth fucking time, what is so fucking terrible about people knowing that you care about me?"

"And I've told you a hundred times you've asked me that; it makes me look compromised. Clouded. Same reason you won't leave your wives, so you say."

"I told you I would."

"Someday." I say wryly.

"So, we're gonna sit here and hope they clear themselves out, because you don't want your people to see that Mommy's got a new boyfriend?"

"Just for an hour," I lightly plead, looking over at him, "If they don't let up, then we'll call for help." I stroll over to him, touching the side of his face. "Maybe we can pass the time to make it go by faster."

"That's what got them here in the first place."

"We'll be quiet." I stick my knee between his legs.

He pushes my leg away. "Why don't we sit here and be as quiet as fucking humanly possible?"

I sigh, plopping down beside him.

"What about the kids, Pip?" He asks me, looking over. "What if Abel wakes up and wants you?"

I lay my head against his shoulder. "Jolyon will take care of him until we get back."

Negan chuckles a little. "Listen to you trying not sound worried as all hell."

"Shut up."

He puts his arm around me and kisses me on the head. "Don't suppose there's any food in this joint?"

"Maybe some of the frequent users stored some snacks somewhere," I shrug my shoulder, "If rats didn't get to it. I don't know, I don't come here."

"You don't?"

"I told you that before," I lay my arm across his middle, "You know, jealousy is such an unattractive quality."

"You remember that."

I frown a little, rethinking the marks on his back. "That's not funny."

"Sure it is," He snickers, "You're so easy to get a rise out of."

"I could say the same about you."

"Sure could."

We're quiet for a moment. The dead still wait for us outside. The plank that lays across the door is sturdy, but the dead working as one persistent mass might be able to break through if they keep at it.

But we might be okay if we wait it out. The intensity of the sound of their wretched hands pawing at the door has somewhat lightened. Like maybe the sound of the bed hitting up against the cabin wall attracted them, but now that we've gone quiet, they're sort of just looming outside too stupid to know what else to do.

"Question."

"Shh," Negan puts his finger to his lips, "You talk too loud, they'll start up again and break the door down."

I roll my eyes.

"What were you gonna ask?" He whispers.

"Nothing," I quietly sigh, "Just a hypothetical. For shits and giggles."

"I like shits and giggles."

I peer up at him. "Alright; let's say I did have a man when we met up again. What would you have done?"

Negan looks me over and then smirks faintly. "I would've insisted on you paying me back for the men you killed the old- fashioned way."

I scowl. "Again, that's not funny."

"Oh, calm your tits," He rubs my arm, rattling me a little, "I'm only pulling your leg."

Sad thing, I'm not sure I believe him.

"What's with the look on your face?"

"What face?"

"That pouty face you just had on."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say in a hushed voice, "Aren't we supposed to be quiet?"

"Whatever," Negan exhales, "The truth?"

My eyes moves towards his voice, curious.

"I'd probably be mad as hell," Negan says, "Shit, I'd be fuckin' pissed. But I wouldn't kill the guy...or Lourdes."

I roll my eyes again. "In your perverse dreams."

He chuckles under his breath. "Like you never thought about it."

"Shut up."

"Anyway," He breathes in a good mood, "I wouldn't do anything."

"You wouldn't?"

"Nah, why would I? You weren't really ever mine."

I furrow my brows.

"It's not like I have any right to you," Negan adds, matter of fact, "No fuckin' stakes in."

"You make it sound like I'm a patch of land," I huff below my breath, "Territory."

"Well, sorry I'm not the fuckin' romantic poet you used to know."

I smile a little in humor. "I think you could make a decent claim on my heart."

"You think?"

"Well, impregnating me with our love child gives you one leg up on most men."

"Why does something that sounds so fucking cringey make me want you for saying it?"

I chuckle quietly. "And you helped me get sober...and move on from the past…" I smile to myself, "And you were good to my son."

"Yeah, and I also made him cry and hate me."

"He never hated you."

"Yeah, he did, he told me."

I lift my head off his shoulder. "When did he do that?"

"When they came to stay with me," Negan meets my eyes. "After we had a blast shooting bottles on the roof."

"Oh, that reminds me," I arch my brow, "You let them gamble?"

"Is it really gambling if the only thing you're risking to lose is cashews and M&Ms?"

"Don't get cute with me," I scold, "Abel told me everything."

"Yeah?"

"He told me you let him piss off the roof."

Negan has to restrain himself from laughing too loud.

I elbow him, which only makes him laugh more. "It's not funny!"

"Shit, what a little tattletale." He chuckles.

"If you're gonna turn my kids into little street urchins, then I'm not gonna let you have 'em anymore."

"Oh, come on, Pippa." He starts.

"I'm getting sick of hearing that phrase."

"That's the kind of shit dad's do with their sons."

"How would you know?" I scoff. "This is your first kid and you told me your dad was an asshole."

"Yeah, but the very, extremely rare fond memories I had were of him and I going camping and he'd let me piss out the campfire."

I raise my brow. "And look how you turned out."

He cackles. "What's there to disapprove of?"

"I'd need something to write with if we're gonna go through it all."

Negan grins, stealing a kiss from my lips. "I love you."

"Hm," I look up from his lips to his eyes, "I'm still mad that you let my kids behave like hooligans."

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't let him do it when anyone was down below."

"That actually surprises me that you didn't," I retort, "But no, I would recommend you don't do it again."

Negan smiles. "Maybe you should have gone over what is and what fuckin' isn't mom-approved activites before you let me take 'em."

"You know, maybe you would have something to worry about if I had other suitors."

We both laugh softly. Negan sighs. "Fuck, I am famished."

"You had dinner."

"That was hours ago," He argues, "And I worked up a hell of an appetite fucking your brains out."

"Settle down, champ, I only came one and a half times."

"Half?" He knit his brows.

"Yeah, I was getting started on my second one when you pulled out to complete your weird fantasy."

"Huh," He nods, before grinning, "You gotta admit it was pretty hot."

I roll my eyes.

"I'll take that as a fucking yes." His stomach growls.

"There might be something in the cupboards."

"Might be," Negan contemplates going to look, "If we make it out of here alive, I'm gonna eat you out of house and home once we get back."

I feel myself start to smile.

"What?"

I snicker to myself. "Nothing."

"No, what?" Negan starts to chuckle at the sight of me being tickled. "I'm all ears."

I smile at him. "I just thought of one more thing that could put you back in the lead."

"Oh, really? And what would that be?"

My smile grows wider and, for some reason, shier.

Negan cocks his brow.

"Think about what you just said."

He looks to the side, thinking about it. Really?

"What were you gonna do again when you got back to my house?"

Negan looks at me. His eyes scan mine and soon enough he smiles again. "Oh, you mean-"

"I knew you'd get it, if I gave you enough time."

"You dirty girl."

"Hey, I'm just giving you some credit," I chuckle, "You are very good at what seldom men actually know how to do."

"May I remind you that it's very crucial to our survival that we don't make a lot of noise?" He moves close enough to kiss me. "So, quit turning up the heat."

I kiss him. "It's not my fault you're a dog who knows how to bury a bone."

He leans towards me, which makes me recline on the bed. His knees rests between my legs. He looks down at me in that way of his that feels so tender and exclusive only to me.

"Do you love me?"

"Do you really have to fuckin' ask me that?" Negan replies, "I tell you everytime I see you. Hell, I told you just a few minutes ago."

I smile up at him. "I love you, too."

Negan smiles, moving down to kiss me. "You want to?" He whispers.

I move my eyes across his face, thinking about it. "We'd have to be really quiet."

"Yeah."

I smile, scrunching my nose. "I'm actually kind of tired."

"Yeah," Negan moves to the other side of the bed, "Me, too."

I comb my fingers through his hair. "You think we should sleep with them out there?"

"Who said anything about sleeping?" He folds his arms under his head. "We're just laying here talking."

I turn my body his way. "Yeah."

"Don't go to sleep."

"I'm not, I'm just keeping warm."

"Warmth makes you sleepy." He shrugs the shoulder my head's on.

"Cut it out," I gripe, "I'm not falling asleep."

"Better fucking not, because if they bust down that door, I am not fucking waking you up."

"Ditto."

He moves arm and holds me.

"You see?" I sigh, peacefully. "This isn't so bad?"

"We're surrounded by rotting corpes that want to eat us."

"I mean, past all that," I bring some of the blanket up, "Isn't it nice to be on our own?"

"Kind of easy to picture since no one knows where we are."

I exhale through my nose. "Stop being an asshole."

"Don't be so uptight," He squeezes my arm, "I guess it's kind of nice."

"Mhm," I close my eyes, "All we're missing is the kids."

"And a way out of here."

"Nevermind."

"You really think we could've been happy on our own?" He asks me. "Out in the middle of nowhere with no other people in sight?"

"Why not?"

"Because it's not practical that's why not," He says, "There's value and survival in numbers."

"Oh, don't get your dick in a knot," I breathe, "It's just a thought I had a long time ago."

"It's a cute thought."

"Don't patronize me."

"No, it's growing on me," Negan's thumb caresses my arm, "I could see us living a quiet life away from all this shit."

I lay my arm on his chest.

"God knows it'd be way fuckin' less complicated than what we got going on now."

"Yeah, I'd probably be less mad at you all the time."

"Doubt it."

I smile against his chuckle.

"I wouldn't mind living somewhere on the fringe raising a couple of kids with you."

I open my eyes. "A couple of kids?"

"Mhm."

I lift my head to find his eyes closed. "By a couple, do you mean the two we have, or…?"

Negan opens his eyes.

"More than two?"

He shrugs. "If shit wasn't as complicated as it is now, wouldn't you think about having more?"

"I...I don't know," I stare at him, considering this being a joke, "I guess, if the circumstances were different then maybe, but I never thought about it before."

"Ah, well, it's just a fantasy."

"Yeah…" I lay my head back down.

He yawns under me.

"Don't go to sleep."

"I'm not."

I let my eyes fall. "I might."

"Go ahead," Negan says softly, "I'll stay up."

"You won't fall asleep?"

"No, I won't."

"Promise?" I barely murmur, slipping into a light slumber.

"Yeah, I promise."

…

I smell of green onions fills the air under my nose as I chop three of them on the cutting board. I like the chopping sound. It's contentful. The creak of the door behind me, followed by the creaking footsteps is also a nice sound to hear when I'm in a good mood.

"What's cooking?"

"Nothing yet," I reply, paying close attention to my work, "I'm getting ready to make eggs."

His arms touch the back of mine, traveling down to my elbow and resting under my forearm. All while he inhales just behind my ear.

"You smell like sweat."

"It was hot last night."

He chuckles huskily. "It sure fuckin' was."

"Lower your voice."

"Don't you mean 'watch your mouth?'"

"If you're used to the command, why don't you obey?"

"It's a new trick and I'm an old dog," He snickers, "I'm still learning."

"Well, if you don't learn soon, we'll have to muzzle you."

He breathes in humor, wrapping his arms around my belly. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love you?"

"You've made it abundantly clear."

"Well, I do," He kisses my shoulder, "Heart and soul." His hand snakes down the side of my thigh. "And-"

"Abundantly clear."

I can sense his smile. "You're beautiful."

"You're gonna give me a big head with all this praise."

"Yeah, well, I figured maybe I oughta, since you give me plenty of head."

I turn around with the knife in my hand. "I swear to God, if you don't-"

He laughs, taking the knife from my hand. "Quit being so feisty."

"I thought you liked my feist."

"Not when it's got a knife in its hand," He sets the knife on the counter behind me and puts his hand on the small of my back, "You are so wound, sister."

"I wonder why."

He smirks. "Oh, come on, baby, you mean to tell me that you got a needle in your ass over little ol' me?"

"I think that sometimes you get bored, so you say shit to wind me up, just so you can laugh as I go off."

"I'm never bored with you."

"You're a sadist."

He chuckles, going into kiss me and missing when I turn my head. "What? You're really mad?"

I shrug my shoulder. "I was having a nice time cooking breakfast until you came in."

"Oh, so I should vacate?"

"Well, now, hold on," I look up at him, arching my brow, "You think I don't know what you're doing?"

"What am I doing?"

I scoff, smiling at him. "You think that if you came in here and pissed me off, you wouldn't have to help."

"Fuck, you caught me," He plays along, "I knew you were gonna put me on potato duty and I'd rather you cut both my fucking hands off then have to sit and peel fuckin' potatoes."

"Well, that's too fuckin' bad," I lightly poke, "And watch your mouth."

"I will, if you will."

"Go fuck yourself." I mouth.

"And you blame me for when the kids slip up."

"Slip up?" I raise my brows. "What do you mean slip up?"

"You know, when they say a bad word by accident."

"How do you slip up and say a bad word, unless you say bad words regularly and only have to not slip up around the wrong people?"

"What?"

"Do you let the boys say bad words when I'm not around?"

"Psh, no." Negan denies badly.

"Oh my god, you undermine me?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Well, what would you say then?"

"I would say...sometimes the kids just say a bad word and then realize what they said and I just sort of roll it off."

"Roll it off?"

"Yeah, like the other day-"

"The other day?"

"Would you can it? I'm trying to explain."

"Oh, you better explain."

He smiles, touches my arms. "The other day, when I had the boys help me mend the chicken coop, Jol pricked his finger on part of the wire and, in the spur of the moment, said 'shit'."

"Shit?"

"Yeah, like when you prick your finger," He says, "Well, he realized what he said and looked over at me like he was gonna get in trouble, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. He said it and I just chose to let it slide. He knows he's not supposed to say bad words. I mean, if there's such thing as a bad word."

"Negan."

"But there is, so he knows not to say 'em."

"I'm still trying to figure how he could have slipped up unless it was already in his vocabulary."

"Jesus, what are you a detective?" He chuckles. "Quit putting the screws to me."

"I might have to put the screws to the little one," I turn back around, "God knows he can't keep a secret."

Negan chuckles, knowing what I'm referring to. "Oh, come on, he was excited."

"It was supposed to be your Christmas present."

"Well, Christmas came early."

"I don't wanna hear about coming early."

Negan laughs. "I wasn't early, you just weren't up to speed."

"Whose fault was that?"

"I walked right into that one."

I can't help but chuckle. "Yeah, you really did."

He laughs with me, until another door opens up. "Mornin'."

"Morning." Jolyon yawns.

"Is your brother up?"

"No."

"Could you tell him it's time to get up?"

Jolyon nods, still waking up himself, and pads back into the bedroom.

Negan takes the opportunity to traipse his hand down my back.

I move. "I don't know how you could even think to do such a thing."

"Easy to do when you have such a smokin' hot wife."

"I don't see a ring on my finger."

"Well, baby, you don't get a ring when you agree to be the wife of a poor man in a fucked up world."

"Did I agree?"

"Yes, you did." He kisses the back of my neck.

"I mean, how could you think of defiling me," I shift to face him, putting a hand on my round belly, "When I'm carrying another one of your brats?"

"I never said I was a gentlemen," He lays a kiss on my lips, touching his hand to my baby bump, "And how can I resist? You're so fucking ravishing with that baby glow."

"You're lucky I need you around to help take care of our brood."

"Oh, it's not just for the childcare," He pecks my lips again, "You keep me around because I give good-"

"Morning!"

I push Negan away. "Good morning."

"Are we having eggs and hashbrowns again?" Abel rubs the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"Sure are."

"But we had that yesterday for breakfast," He mildly complains, "And the day before that."

"Hey, who do I look like? Martha Stewart?"

"Who's that?"

"Nevermind," I roll my eyes, "We'll have pancakes tomorrow."

"Why can't we have them today?"

"Because your mom gets sick whenever she smells pancakes." Negan tells him.

"Pancakes smell good though."

"Well, the baby doesn't think so."

Negan smiles with love in his eyes, before turning. "Alright, go wash up before breakfast is ready."

The boys move.

"And I'm gonna check to see if you made your beds," He calls, "Abel."

"Okay, okay."

I smile and he looks at me. "Aroused?"

"Swooning." I gush with an eye roll. I walk over to him, draping my arms around his neck. "You know, I think I could keep you." I stroke the back of his head. "You're an asshole, but you're a good father."

"Just a good father?" He holds me tenderly. "Am I a lousy husband?"

"Well, you don't listen to me."

"I'm not one of your fuckin' kids."

"Hey, stop with the swearing!" I cover his mouth. "It's bad enough you just let it slide with Jolyon and Abel, I don't want this one picking it up in the womb."

I move my hand away and find a smile behind it. "You know, you sure bitch a lot about my foul mouth, but need I remind you that you fucking swear just as much as I do."

"I mean it," I warn with a finger, "And I lower my voice when I do, so…"

"You...fucking," He mouthes the word, "Liar. You talk just as loudly as I do."

"I'm afraid you've got no match in being a loud mouth, dear," I peck his lips, "Can't you at least tell me you'll watch your mouth? Even if it's a lie?"

"I never lie."

"You just did."

Negan chuckles. "Oh, alright, I'll try. Happy wife, happy life."

"Atta boy."

He smiles at me.

I kiss him once more and go back to cooking breakfast. "Do you ever wonder what would happen if I hadn't waited?"

"Not really, no. Do you?"

"Sometimes," I begin chopping the onions again, "It's funny, I actually had a dream about it." I chuckle a little. "I dreamt we were separated for a long time and then we found each other. Well, I found you." I furrow my brows. "It was awful."

"That right?"

"It was. We were enemies," I look down at the onions, "And you were so brutal to me. You hurt me, because you knew how to."

"Did you hurt me back?" He muses.

"I tried, but you were willing to go to greater lengths," I pause, "You liked being cruel."

"Doesn't sound like me."

"You were," I tell him, "You were cruel because you could be and I couldn't do anything to stop you."

"Pippa."

"I know, know," I make myself chuckle, "I'm getting all gloomy over a stupid dream, but it felt real before I woke up."

"Pippa."

"Oh, settle down, I'm not gonna hold it against you."

"Pippa."

"I know, you'd never really do anything to hurt me."

"Pippa."

I spin around. "What, Negan, what?"

He's gone.

I look around the small house. "Negan?"

"Pippa!"

A sudden feeling of anxiety washes over me.

"Pippa!"

…

"Pippa!"

I start from my sleep. "What?"

Negan gives my arm a soft shake. "Time to wake up."

I look up at him and then lift my head off the bed. "Is it morning?"

"Yeah, sorry, I fell asleep, too."

"What?"

"Hey, it was fucking midnight, cut me some slack."

"What about the dead?"

"Most of them had wandered off. Probably spotted a deer or something and followed it. I took care of the rest."

"By yourself?"

"Yes, by myself," He chuckles, offering me a hand, "There was only like six stragglers lagging behind."

I take his hand and he helps me up. "We've been here all night?"

"Yep."

"Great."

"It was nice," He says, "You produce a lot of body heat, so I was nice and toasty."

"No, I mean, we have to go back."

"Yeah, and?"

I look up at him. "Everyone will know."

Negan's content expression diminishes a little. He looks down. "Oh."

The two of us leave the cabin and walk back to Halcyon with the morning sun exposing us.

"You sleep good?" Negan asks, breaking the silence.

"Yeah…" I trudge through the mud. "I had a weird dream though."

"Yeah? What about?"

I think about what I remember. "You, me, and the kids were gonna have breakfast."

"What's so weird about that?"

I shrug, even though I know why. "I guess it wasn't weird."

We come up to the back of Halcyon's walls. I stare up. If I was a coward, or maybe smart, I would turn and run off instead of climbing the wall. But I'm not a coward and I made a stupid fucking choice and now I have to reap the consequences.

"Ladies first."

"Thanks." I start to climb.

Halcyon's walls aren't easy walls to climb. They're original fort wall withheld time impressively and the inside of the wall is way easier to get over because of the reinforcement, but it's damn near impossible to climb over from the outside. Which is why we're scaling a tree close enough to the wall that we can then grab onto the watch station and carefully get over. There should be someone here to make sure we, or rather strangers, don't do the same thing.

"Careful!"

"I know how to climb my own fucking wall."
"Well, you almost fucking slipped and fell thirty feet."

"The walls aren't that tall," I step on the watchmen's post, scanning out to see the buildings and signs of people, "It's about twenty-five feet."

"Oh, excuse the fuck out of me," Negan scoffs behind me, "Give me a hand."

I stare out. I see people, but some distance away towards the front, who are paying me no mind.

"Pip."

I turn. I roll my eyes as I take his bat, so he can climb over.

"Thanks, baby."

"Yeah, no problem."

"Pippa?"

My blood never sank so fast. I look at Negan with what I can feel is something terrible because of the way he looks back at me. I glance out at the guards who are coming in late to their shift.

"Hey, Pip," Quinn waves, "Whatcha doin' up there?"

"Why weren't you here?" I nearly snap. "You were supposed to be at your posts before sunrise."

Quinn and the other guard, Liam both look a little astonished.

I'd feel sorry for meeting their friendly good mornings with a sharp inquiry, if I wasn't their leader and they hadn't been late for their posts. Truth be told, if Negan and I could've gotten over without being seen, I wouldn't have said anything.

I down the steps and hear Negan follow behind me, which gets their attention. Both of them look at him as we come down and then at me.

"Get to your post," I tell them, "If you're late again, you can take graveyard shift."

"Yes, ma'am." They say in unison."Sorry, Pippa." Quinn says.

I nod, lenient. "Just get to your post."

Negan and I walk away towards the buildings. They know. Why on earth would the two of us be climbing over at this hour? I would have offered an explanation if we had been somewhere other than the cabin. I saw it in their eyes when they looked back to me.

Negan's quiet, but I know he's got to be grinning ear to ear.

"It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing," Negan replies under his breath, "I think it's hot when you show 'em who's boss."

I feel along the inside of my lip. "Let's just get home."

"Aye, aye, captain."

We pass the small camp the Saviors made before I came home last night. We also pass some of my people getting up, or are up, to start their days. I avoid eye contact, keeping my eyes forward and my chin up. Like I'm not ashamed of myself right now.

I walk into my house never more glad to be home. "God, that was-"

"Where the hell have you been?"

I look up and see Lourdes sitting in the arm chair with a sleeping Abel curled in her lap. Cleo, who's laying beside the chair, lifts her head up.

"Lourdes...I-"

"Where have you been?" She demands to know.

"I…"

Negan puts his arm around me. "Pip took me on a field trip to the town's hotspot. We attracted some rotters and waited for them to pass."

Lourdes moves her eyes back to me. "You went to the cabin?"

I lick my lips, nodding my head. I feel like a teenager in front of my mom.

"Abel woke up around one in the morning to go to the bathroom," She tells me, "You and Negan weren't there, so he got scared and woke up Jolyon."

I look over at Jolyon, who's also asleep on his bed.

"Jolyon came and got me around three this morning when you hadn't come back yet," She goes on chewing us out, "I was about to tell Connor to go look for you."

"I...I'm sorry, Lourdes," I sigh, shameful, "I thought we'd be back in an hour."

"You're kids were worried about you," She says, "I was worried."

"Jesus, would you spare me the arm burn, Lour?" Negan scoffs. "We were keeping Jol up with our sweet nothings, so we took off for a bit to have some alone time."

"It's seven in the morning." Lourdes' blood is starting to boil. "You've been gone all night."

"I'm starting to remember why I broke it off with you."

"You didn't, I broke it off with you."

"Well, it was a good clean break for the both of us, I'm sure."

"You'd still take it, if I offered." She huffs at him.

"I'm gonna go tell my men we're gonna head out after breakfast," Negan tells me, "Hopefully, she'll have mauled you and tired herself out before I get back.

I shoot him a 'fuck you' look as he leaves through the open door. I shut it.

"I see you have your radio," Lourdes says, "Why didn't you call?"

"Negan said they'd go away after a while."

"And if they didn't?"

I turn around. "Then I would have radioed someone."

She looks at me.

"I...I didn't want people to know."

"So, you were gonna die rather than call for help because you're afraid people were gonna know you two are fucking?"

Yes. "No," I scoff, "I was going to call if they hadn't cleared out."

She shakes her head, looking off without a word.

Jolyon starts to stir, probably from all the heated words. He sits up, yawning. "Mom?"

"Hey, punk."

"Where did you go?" He asks. "You and Negan left last night but you didn't come back."

I smile. "I'm sorry, we got stuck."

"Got stuck where?"

I briefly look at Lourdes. "Um, we took a walk and a small herd came out of nowhere. We had to run to the Puritan's cabin and wait it out."

"Oh, okay."

And just like that, Abel begins to wake up in Lourdes' arms. "Hey, baby."

Abel looks over, rubbing his eye. "Mommy?"

"Yeah, I'm home." I walk over to the chair. He reaches for me and I take him, sitting on the couch. "It's okay, baby."

"I woke up and you weren't there."

"I know, I'm sorry," I rock him gently, "I won't let it happen again. I promise."

"Where's Dad?" He asks me.

"He's-"

The door behind me opens abruptly.

"Right here."

"Jesus, I could freeze my nuts off out there," Negan gripes, "I don't know how my men didn't catch hypothermia sleeping outside."

I breathe through my nose, stifling an eye roll.

"Oh, you're both up."

"Yes, and Abel was very upset that we weren't here last night."

"Well, we're here now," Negan says, walking over, "And still alive."

"Negan."

"What?" He sits beside Abel and I.

"Where were you?" Abel asks Negan, less teary-eyed.

"Uh, your mom and I-"

"Took a walk and got trapped in the cabin down the road by some drifters." I meet eyes with Negan, who nods.

"Yep."

"Were you scared?"

"Hell no," Negan replies with a confident smile, "Your old man's not afraid of anything."

Abel smiles, stilling laying against me.

Negan's stomach growls. "Alright, who's gonna whip some breakfast? I'm fucking starving."

"Go right ahead."

"I just killed a bunch of rotters."

"You killed six."

"Yeah, well, it really works up an appetite," Negan chuckles, glancing over at Lourdes, "Lour?"

She scoffs like a viper. "I'm," She stands up, "Going home and going to sleep."

"Oh, really?" Negan complains sarcastically. "You used to make bitchin' chorizo and eggs."

She makes a face of annoyance and heads for the door.

"Bye, Lourdes."

She smiles softly. "Bye, bebé. You wanna walk Cleo later for me, Jol?"

"Sure."

"Alright." She whistles and the dog is up and at the door before she is. She leaves without looking at me or saying bye.

I sit on the sofa, mad at myself.

"Mom, I'm hungry."

I look at Abel and smile "Yeah?"

"Yeah, I could eat a horse."

Negan and I both laugh. "Maybe one of those mini ponies."

…

We have biscuits and gravy with hashbrowns for breakfast, since that's what the boys wanted and I'm never gonna turn that down. Negan helped make the biscuits which like any man made him feel like he's the backbone of this family for doing anything helpful. We ate and laughed at the table. It was nice.

"Do you have to go right now?"

"Afraid so."

"Aw!"

"I'll be back in a few weeks."

"That's so long."

Negan smiles, mussing Abel's hair. "I know, I don't like it either, but it'll go by fast."

"Bye, Dad."

"Bye, son." Negan kneels down to hug him. He stands and takes the bat in his hand.

"Wait for Jolyon to get back." I say.

"I'll see him as I head out," Negan comes over to me, "I'll say adios."

I smile into the kiss. "It's been fun."

"Yeah, a real blast," He kisses me again, "I'll see ya later."

"Safe travels."

Negan looks me over, kissing me a third time. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

He smiles. "Alright." He goes for the door.

I take Abel's hand and we walk out with him as he heads to the trucks up front. People pause as they see him strolling down the road. That, or they see me and stop to look.

Looking around, I start to feel that buzz of happiness leftover from breakfast start to fade. People stare like they know where I was last night and with who, but I can't be certain that they do. I spot Jolyon sitting on one of the boardwalks with Cleo laying next to him. He's talking to Martin, who appears to be wrapping gauze around his hand.

"Hey."

They look up. Martin goes back to wrapping his hand. "Hey."

"What happened to your hand?"

"Cut it climbing their power lines."

I nod. "Does it hurt?"

"Nah."

I bite my lip. "Thank you for going."

"Sure."

"Jol!" Negan waves him over.

Jolyon gets up and walks over with Cleo at his heels.

I sigh through my nose as Abel lets go of my hand and tags along. I look back at Martin as he scoffs, likely at Negan's not so subtle jealousy of seeing Jolyon with Martin. "Where are you going?"

"How do you know I'm going anywhere?"

"You got your canteen," I point to it beside him, "You only lug that thing around when you're going somewhere."

He looks at the canteen. "There's a herd north from Halcyon. I got 'em to move, but some of the team and I are gonna drive 'em up further north."

I stare. "How'd you know there was herd?"

"I was gonna head out early before sunrise and see if I could get a few ducks by that pond."

I grow anxious. "Lucky thing. They could have been at our walls by now."

"Yeah," Martin stands, "See ya later."

I watch him head across the street. Does he know? My eyes fan out, meeting eyes with everyone I see before me. They know. They all know.

Thanks for reading! I was gonna respond to some comments on the previous chapter but I'm a little tipsy rewatching the Hannibal series lol. My apologies :)