Based on events during Episode 5 of GoT Season 8

(Also includes flashback from Episode 5 of GoT Season 3)

They found Lady Sansa in the library later that morning, gathering some scrolls together. Normally, Pod would have remained behind in the doorway for any private meetings, but today he stood by Brienne's side; she needed him there for this.

Brienne cleared her throat. 'Lady Sansa, I have some news,' she said unsteadily.

Sansa beamed excitedly. 'Well it's about time, I must say-'

But she froze when she turned around from the table and saw the expression on Brienne's face. She had been hoping for a wedding announcement but something in Brienne's empty, bloodshot eyes and pale, gaunt face told her that this was not the case. Sansa's smile faltered as she glanced uneasily at Pod.

'What is it? What's happened?' she asked them warily.

'I…Jaime…' Brienne trailed off, unable to say it, and she inclined her head towards Pod, wordlessly asking him to help her.

'Ser Jaime has left,' Pod announced heavily.

Sansa frowned, confused. 'Left?'

'Last night. He's gone back to King's Landing,' Pod replied.

'For what?'

A lump rose in Brienne's throat. 'For Cersei,' she said, the words making her nauseous.

'I…I don't understand,' Sansa said, her hands falling to the table as she stared at them both in bewilderment. 'I…why would he…I thought he was-'

'I thought so too, my lady,' Brienne murmured.

'Has he gone to save her or stop her?' Sansa asked.

'Both, I think,' Brienne replied.

'And you let him go?'

'I-I did, yes.'

Sansa tilted her head disapprovingly. 'You should have reported this to me straight away, Brienne.'

'It was…the middle of the night, I didn't want to wake you, my lady-'

'No that's not it, you just wanted to give him a chance to change his mind and turn back,' Sansa said, and there was a tense pause as she turned to look out of the window, deep in thought. 'I'll send my men after him. With any luck, he won't have gotten too far.'

'To what end, my lady?' Brienne asked helplessly. 'So you can bring him back and have him executed?'

'No, I wouldn't do that,' Sansa said, 'for your sake more than his. But something has to be done-'

'It's already too late,' Brienne interrupted, stunning Sansa. 'What would be the point? He found out his sister was losing, so he fled to try and save her. Are you saying you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing if it were one of your siblings, even if they were also your enemy?'

Sansa stared at her incredulously. 'Brienne, I don't understand why you're making excuses for him. He betrayed us. He ruined your reputation as a maiden and left you. Your life with him was about to be perfectly wonderful, and he just threw all that away just like that. Doesn't that bother you?'

'Yes, it bothers me, my lady, of course it does,' Brienne said, her voice shaking with the effort not to break down; Pod frowned reproachfully at Sansa, who looked down, ashamed. 'But what bothers me more is that I couldn't make him see that he's changed. He left, knowing he'll most likely die, thinking that he's an evil man deserving of whatever fate awaits his sister. That is why he left. He doesn't think he's a good man.'

'But you still believe he is? Even now?' Sansa asked, amazed.

'I do,' Brienne said firmly. 'I know it.'

Sansa sighed heavily. 'Brienne, this is my fault, I'm so sorry. I was angry yesterday…if I hadn't spoken to him then perhaps he wouldn't have gone-'

'He would have gone regardless. She's engrained in him,' Brienne said, though it pained her to say it.

There was a silence as Sansa thought hard. 'There's still time,' she then said, struck by inspiration. 'You could stop him. If I release you from your vow, you could ride out, there's a chance you'd catch up-'

'No, I can't do that, my lady, although I appreciate your kindness,' Brienne said, touched. 'My loyalty is to you and your family.'

'I thought you once told Ser Jaime to – what was it? – ah yes, 'fuck loyalty'?' Sansa pointed out.

Brienne flushed; she wished she hadn't told Sansa about that. 'That was in the case of his sister, my lady. It's quite different. And it didn't work anyway for him, in the end,' she said sadly, her voice breaking.

'It did for when it mattered,' Sansa said fiercely. 'He fought alongside you and everyone here at Winterfell, he defended the castle and protected his enemies while doing it. I won't forget that. Although…I find it hard to forgive him for what he's put you through.'

'That makes two of us, my lady,' Brienne muttered.

'Three, actually, milady,' Pod interjected.

'Yes, thank you, Pod,' Brienne said dryly.

Sansa exchanged a look with Pod and they smiled.

'I still think I should send some of my men out to find him and bring him back,' Sansa insisted.

'No, it will do no good, my lady,' Brienne said, 'he's already gone.'

'But we could catch him-'

'No, I meant…his mind is already set. There's no changing it now,' Brienne said, struggling to keep her voice steady, and she averted her gaze. 'Believe me, I tried.'

Sansa's lips parted as she tried to find the right words. 'Brienne, I…I'm so very sorry,' she said eventually, and her tone was sincere.

'Th-thank you, my lady,' Brienne said, her voice coming out in merely a whisper. 'Will that be all?'

'Of course,' Sansa said sympathetically. 'Pod – may I have a word?'

'Err…' Pod looked bewildered; he always stuck close to Brienne during the daytime.

'It's fine, Pod,' Brienne reassured him. 'I would rather be alone for now anyway.'

She turned away and left the library, her head and shoulders bent low, her feet traipsing along the floor one after the other as if all purpose had gone from her body. The moment the door had closed behind her, Sansa and Pod crossed the room towards each other.

'Are you all right?' Sansa asked softly, taking Pod's hands in hers. 'I know Ser Jaime meant a lot to you as well.'

But Pod shook his head sadly. 'It's nothing compared to what she must be going through.'

'I've never seen her like this before, have you?' Sansa asked anxiously.

'No, milady,' he murmured.

His heart ached for Brienne. He felt almost as betrayed as she did.

'How many times must I tell you to stop calling me 'milady' when we're alone?' Sansa said sternly, but then her smile disappeared as they let go of each other's hands. 'Did you see this coming, with Ser Jaime leaving?'

'N-not exactly,' Pod replied awkwardly, averting his gaze as the guilt threatened to overwhelm him again. 'Though I did think Ser Jaime was acting very…distant yesterday.'

Sansa nodded heavily. 'He broke her heart. And I always thought he'd be true to her. When I spoke with him about her he seemed so…'

'In love?' Pod finished for her.

'I wouldn't know, I'm not that familiar with the sensation,' Sansa murmured.

'Nor I, milady. Sansa.'

They gazed at each other for a moment. Both their cheeks began to colour.

Blinking rapidly, Sansa then turned away to the window. 'Ser Jaime gave us intelligence on Cersei's battle plans and her strategy with the Golden Company. Why would he have done that if he only meant to betray us and go back to her side later? Why would he stay here all this time after the battle at all?' she asked, perplexed.

'I don't think he did betray us, milady. At least…not in the military sense,' Pod said carefully. 'I believe he's still on our side. He stayed here for Brienne but…he just doesn't want his sister to die. I've gotten to know him quite well these past few weeks, and from the way he's spoken about it, I…I think he feels guilty of the part he's played in her rise to power, but also that he's…duty-bound to protect her.'

'So you think his leaving for King's Landing is essentially a suicide mission brought about by blind loyalty?' Sansa said heavily.

Pod didn't answer. He didn't need to.

She sighed heavily. 'And what about Brienne?'

'I think he truly loves her,' Pod said, and he gazed up at Sansa. 'I know he does.'

They were silent then, the question they both knew they and Brienne were all thinking, but unable to form the words on their lips – if Jaime truly loved her, then why had he left her?

Qyburn's quarters were rather drab and chilly. A few candles had been lit amongst the clutter of furniture and medical equipment that scattered the floor, but other than that, it was relatively dark. Brienne was somewhat grateful for that, as she walked tentatively across the room towards the hard bed that lay in the corner. She dragged Qyburn's chair over from his desk and sat down at Jaime's bedside.

It felt odd, to be back in her dirty mud-stained tunic and breeches after having cleaned herself thoroughly in the bathtub earlier, but she hadn't yet been provided with anything different to wear, and she wasn't sure she wanted to ask. Jaime, on the other hand, hadn't been dressed in anything at all since they had dragged his limp, unconscious body from the hot steaming waters of the bathtub, and he lay naked underneath the sheets on the bed. He groaned slightly as he slept, and Brienne wondered if he was dreaming yet again of his maiming…although now she knew that he had much worse memories of his past that undoubtedly haunted his nightmares.

She still couldn't believe the story that he had relayed to her in that bathtub earlier. He had confessed the truth of his most infamous act, the one he was most hated for…and only now did Brienne fully understand the depth behind the facade he'd been forced to put up due to the reputation he had received for killing the Mad King. Like everyone else in Westeros, she had judged him on only what she had been told about him. He had saved her from being raped and lost his sword hand because of it, and yet she had still continued to judge him for his most heroic act that had saved the entire population of King's Landing. All this time, he'd only been trying to do the right thing, for his family, and for the people he had been sworn to protect. All this time, he'd only been the same as her. Perhaps he was a true knight after all.

Not long after she'd sat down, Jaime soon began to stir awake, although he thought he was still dreaming when he opened his eyes to see that Brienne was sat beside him, her hair and face much cleaner than they had been for as long as he'd known her. She wore an almost guilty expression on her face as she watched him softly.

He struggled to sit up slightly, looking very confused. 'My lady?' he murmured with a frown, and he cleared his throat; his voice was still hoarse after all his yelling and screaming in this room earlier.

'Don't get up,' Brienne said quietly. 'I…I was just checking that you were…'

'Qyburn has seen to me.' Jaime still looked perplexed as to why she was here.

'He tells me you're still refusing milk of the poppy. Why?' she asked, and when he didn't answer, she sighed. 'You need it. You're in pain, you're weak. You need rest.'

Jaime raised his eyebrows at her sceptically. 'Do you really think either of us will be able to rest here in this place, with these ghastly beasts around?' he pointed out.

Brienne nodded wearily; she understood. He didn't trust Qyburn or any of the men in this castle. He was traumatised after his ordeal with Locke, and no wonder.

'I thought I was the beast here,' Brienne muttered.

Jaime closed his eyes in regret. 'You should ignore the things I said back then.'

'Is that an apology?' she asked, and he glared at her irritably.

'Will that make it any better?'

'Not particularly.'

A short silence fell between them. It was strange, being so close together in an enclosed room, with no ropes, no manacles, no trees, no jeering men. In a way, it was almost just as intimate as the bathtub.

Jaime cleared his throat as he rested his pillow against the wall and leant against it, wincing with pain each time he moved. 'Thank you. For catching me earlier, in the bath. And I'm sorry about before, if I was a little… I didn't really know what I was…' He trailed off awkwardly and let out a heavy sigh. 'I've never spoken about that to anyone until today.'

'You mean…I'm the only one who knows? The full story?' Brienne murmured, dazed.

'Yes.'

'Why?' she whispered.

There was a short pause.

'I…I was sick and tired of you seeing me as a monster,' Jaime replied eventually, his voice strained.

Brienne's lips parted, stunned. 'I thought a lion didn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep,' she said coolly.

'I thought so too, once,' he muttered. 'Apparently I was wrong.'

Jaime wasn't ashamed to admit anymore that he had been craving closure, acceptance, validation, all of it…for so very long. He had never felt compelled to seize the chance for it, to share his traumatic story, until today. Until Brienne. He had bared his soul to her in that bathtub, and as a result he sensed that a new bond had inexplicably formed between them, a bond that could never be broken now. He could feel it in the air between them, in the new way in which she gazed at him.

Brienne breathed deeply as she looked over him. His face and hair were still dirty and covered with dried mud and blood; he hadn't had time to clean properly in the bath. Swallowing uncomfortably, she reached over for the clean cloth soaking in the washbowl that Qyburn had left on the nightstand beside the bed.

'May I?' she asked, leaning forward and raising the wet cloth to his face.

Jaime nodded reluctantly. It wasn't long after she'd started dabbing at his face, soaking away the marks of their harrowing time with Locke and his cronies, that she realised it wasn't just blood and mud trickling down his face as she washed him…it was tears as well. She could see them trickling down from his tired, bloodshot eyes, surrounded by purple bruises. She felt an ache of pity for him.

'Don't cry. It'll be all right,' she said, unsure of how best to speak to him; she wasn't that experienced in the art of consolation. 'All being well…we should be on our way to King's Landing soon.'

'If we play our cards right with Roose Bolton, then…maybe,' Jaime mumbled, embarrassed, as she firmly wiped away his tears with her thumbs before soaking the cloth again in the washbowl.

He sounded so miserable, so defeated, as if he couldn't be bothered with the effort of it anymore. Jaime had shown her the guilt, regret, anxiety, shame and fears that he had been hiding away for so long. He thought that he was too far gone, and he was letting go of all hope; she could see it in his eyes, in how deflated he looked. But, for some reason, Brienne found herself wanting him to hold on.

'And that's a good thing,' she said encouragingly. 'You'll be reunited with your sister.'

Jaime frowned at her, bewildered. 'Wh-why…why the hell are you being…nice to me?' he asked, completely baffled by her unusually soft behaviour.

'I'm not. Don't be ridiculous,' Brienne said at once, looking mortified at the very thought. 'Now…l-lie back and let me do this, I need to cool your temperature down.'

His lips quivered slightly as he tried not to smile while he lay back down on the bed and let her continue to press the wet cloth on his forehead. His suspicions were correct, he knew now; she was accepting him. She even cared about him, just as he cared about her, but they were both too stubborn to ever acknowledge this. Brienne wasn't just his former captor anymore, but also his protector…and she was slowly becoming so much more than that. He recalled the image of her naked, wet body emerging from the steaming waters of the bathtub earlier today after he'd insulted her for what he hoped would be the last time. He thought of the way she had wrapped her arms around him in a gentle embrace as he'd fainted, when he'd been at his very worst. When they'd first met, he had thought her doomed to be a spinster for the rest of her days, unwanted and unloved. Perhaps he had been wrong.

'Thank you, Lady Brienne,' he murmured.

Swallowing, Brienne then continued to run the cloth over his bruised forehead and cheeks. He winced as the droplets of water sunk into his cuts, but there was nothing she could do to avoid that – his marred skin was covered in them. Conscious of how close her face was to his, she then turned to examine the state of his mangled stump, as she so often did, but saw that Qyburn had re-dressed it with fresh bandages. She gave his forehead one final dab with the cloth, satisfied that he was much cooler than he had been before, before putting the cloth back in the washbowl.

'There. Better?' she said quietly.

Jaime nodded slowly as he sat back up, still stunned. She exhaled deeply as she looked at him, forcing herself to say what she knew must be said.

'You wanted a truce. Well…now you have it,' Brienne said heavily.

Jaime's expression softened; did this mean she trusted him now? 'What changed?' he asked, intrigued.

'You did,' Brienne replied, but then she frowned. 'Or rather, should I say…I did.'

'I see.'

Brienne suddenly felt rather flustered. They both knew that things between them could never go back to how they had been before, not after today.

She cleared her throat, wanting to change the subject. 'Lord Bolton apparently wants us to join him later for dinner,' she told him.

Jaime raised his eyebrows. 'Well that should be interesting.'

'Which is why you should try and get some rest,' Brienne insisted softly.

He nodded at her, still rather confused by this newfound attitude in her, and watched as she got up from the chair and headed back towards the door. When she reached the doorknob, her hand paused.

'Before I go, I…' Brienne trailed off as she turned back to face him, looking turmoiled.

'What?' Jaime asked, concerned for her. 'What is it?'

Brienne took a deep breath as she met his gaze. 'I'm so sorry for what happened that day…and for all that followed. Aerys Targaryen was an evil man. And I believe…you did the right thing.'

Jaime's trembling lips parted in shock, but before he had time to register her words or think of anything to say in response, she had already left. He felt another tear trickle down his cheek as she shut the door, and a surge of overwhelming relief and gratitude flooded through him. This honourable woman had acknowledged him. She now regarded him as worthy.

Suddenly he felt his fears of Roose Bolton and his men begin to seep away. Jaime was determined now; he would get them out of here. He didn't trust Lord Bolton or any of them, but he would find a way to see them both away from Locke and safely to King's Landing. He had to.

Meanwhile, as Brienne made her way along the corridor back to the room she had been allocated, she found herself rather shaken from her visit to Qyburn's quarters. She hadn't expected things to feel quite so different between herself and Jaime, yet they did. And it was all because he had told her his true story. A shiver ran up her spine as she recalled the date of the Sack of King's Landing and realised that Jaime had just been a teenage boy when he had killed the Mad King. A boy torn between two terrifying, horrific choices. Brienne knew she would have made the same choice as he had.

That day was the day her opinion of Jaime Lannister changed forever. That day was the day Brienne of Tarth saw him for who he truly was. A good man.

~ Present Day ~

Pod shivered as he trudged through the snow towards the Godswood. He didn't understand why Brienne would be here, but the soldier he'd asked had seemed fairly certain he'd seen the tall blonde knight walking this way. Lady Sansa had freed Pod of his duties for the time being and asked him to take care of Brienne. As much as Brienne would deny it, she needed looking after today.

He found her sure enough, stood near to the heart tree and gazing down at the frozen pond. He wondered if she was staring at her reflection, or if she were staring at nothing at all. It wasn't like Brienne to wander the grounds aimlessly without any purpose, without telling anyone where she would be. None of this was like Brienne at all.

Pod wished he knew what he could do to fix this. Why couldn't he have made Jaime see the light? Why hadn't he stopped him yesterday evening when he'd known what he planned to do? In truth, Pod hadn't really expected him to go through with it. He'd seen the way Jaime was around Brienne, he'd seen the way he looked at her. Jaime had devoted every moment of every day and night to Brienne's happiness this past month, and he'd transformed into a different man because of it, a man full of joy and laughter. How could it be the same man who had heartlessly abandoned Brienne merely hours ago? How could he have done it?

He thought once more of the letter Jaime had given to him, sealed in a tight scroll and locked away in his chambers.

'Only when the time is right…Give it a couple of months or so, maybe longer, I'll leave it up to you to decide. Once she's had time to…come to terms with it, if it happens. I don't want her hating me when she reads this…Promise me you'll give it to her, Pod…'

He swallowed, deeply uncomfortable, as he walked over to her. 'Milady?' Pod said tentatively. 'It's cold out here. You should go inside, get warm.'

Brienne barely seemed to hear him. 'We came here just a few days ago,' she said thoughtfully. 'He…he doesn't believe in any gods, but…he found it peaceful here. I did as well. Then. Seems strange now. It feels like it was a year ago…or a dream. Perhaps it was. Perhaps it was all just a lie.'

'I can promise you it wasn't,' Pod said, his face torn up in anguish as he watched her continue to stare blankly at the frozen pond.

'No, I know. I'm just being stupid,' Brienne muttered, and she scoffed. 'I'm acting like he did when he first got his hand cut off. He wouldn't stop feeling so bloody sorry for himself. He demanded pity from everyone, and all I gave him was a hard time. I couldn't stand him, you see.'

Pod swallowed. 'Let me go after him, milady,' he said in a small but fierce voice. 'Please. You can stay here and keep your oath to Lady Sansa, but let me…try to stop him.'

For the first time since he'd approached, Brienne looked up from the pond and gazed at him. 'I appreciate it, Pod, but there's no stopping him,' she said, and she exhaled deeply. 'It's time to put Ser Jaime behind us. Better to forget and move on.'

She didn't like the way Pod was looking at her, as if she were mad. It was Jaime's fault. He had done this to her. She'd let her guard down, she'd opened up her heart and given him everything, and he'd thrown it all back in her face and pulled the rug out from under her, whatever his true intentions and feelings. Why should she let herself fall apart for someone who had broken her into pieces?

'He's…he's not dead, milady-'

'He's as good as,' Brienne interrupted, and her voice broke. 'I won't get my hopes up for him to return, Pod, I can't put myself through that.'

Pod frowned doubtfully, full of concern. 'But still…forgetting and moving on is-'

'It's the only way I can carry on with my duties here,' Brienne said firmly.

She turned her back on the frozen pond then and slowly began to walk away. As she reached the heart tree, however, she came to a halt and turned back.

'Don't fall in love with her, Pod,' she said quietly.

'With who?' Pod asked.

'Sansa, of course. She's a wonderful girl, but love only makes you weak and you'll get hurt,' Brienne said. 'I won't let that happen to you, do you understand?'

Pod tilted his head at her sympathetically as he walked up to her. 'You're wrong,' he said in a tremoring voice. 'It doesn't make you weak. Whether you're happy or hurt by love, it's what makes you alive. It's what makes you human.'

Brienne looked back at him, her eyes welling up. 'Well I'd rather not be human just now,' she said, and with that she turned away and left the Godswood.

Pod watched her go, wondering sadly if the stony, cold-hearted, grumpy persona of the old scowling Brienne was back for good. But how could he blame her if she was? She knew that the love of her life was on his way into a bloodbath and back into the toxic arms of his monstrous sister. She had lost something that truly meant so much to her, not just Jaime but a part of her as well, and it was no wonder that it was destroying her.

Keen to avoid the eyes and pity of the other concerned residents of the castle who were beginning to wonder where Brienne's partner was, Brienne hurried past them all and headed back inside, wanting nothing more than to retreat to the solace of her bedchambers. She regretted going back there the moment she pushed the door open.

Their room – no, her room – still smelt of him. He had only taken the clothes he'd been wearing yesterday with him; his remaining attire was still here, along with various other belongings he'd picked up over the past month. She wondered if he had left Widow's Wail here deliberately or if he'd forgotten to pick it up in his desperation to sneak out of the room as quickly as possible without waking her.

Brienne's eyes turned to the fur covers of the bed as she thought over how loving and tender he had been with her last night. She would have to get used to being alone at night again, to sleep with an empty space by her side in the bed. It had only taken her a few days to get used to having him there, to have him hold her in his arms and love her. But he was no longer here and she felt more alone than ever.

I can't be in here.

She swept from the room and shut the door firmly behind her.

Determined to keep herself occupied, Brienne then promptly decided to return to her duties as normal, to keep as busy as she could and go about business as if nothing was wrong. As if by some silent agreement, Sansa and Pod went along with her act, though throughout the day, Brienne could sense the way they exchanged glances and watched her worriedly, as if looking out for any signs of a breakdown. But Brienne would not give in to her despair. She dressed into her armour that afternoon and channelled her anger into her training with the other knights and squires, while shielding herself from the pain that threatened to engulf her. It was easier to hide from it, after all, to act as if everything was as it should be, like the days before Jaime had come to Winterfell when she had been perfectly fine. It was healthier to pretend…wasn't it?

When the sun set that evening, Brienne avoided dinner – she hadn't managed to eat anything all day, and knew that if she did, she would only bring it back up – and left Pod to dine with Sansa while she took a stroll around the grounds outside. She'd forgotten how clunky and bulky her armour was, it had been so long since she'd worn it. It was strange how a large decorated suit of armour had once been her sole source of comfort.

The stars that Jaime so often loved to gaze at were obscured by heavy grey clouds tonight, and the relaxing winter breeze that they'd both found so calming when they'd taken their walks together along the snowy hilltops had come to a halt. Everything was so still, so quiet. Brienne's anger and denial slowly began to subside as she allowed herself to get lost in a daydream while she walked through the snow, fantasising about what could happen if things were to go her way.

Whatever she may have told Pod earlier, she still couldn't help hoping that Jaime would come back to her, that she would manage to find a way to overcome her anger and forgive him, that they would someday find trust in each other again, that they would be able to live the rest of their years together. But she knew that she could never hope for such a thing. He was lost. Lost in himself, and lost to her.

She cast her mind back longingly to the day Jaime had made her a knight. It seemed so long ago now, and yet still so vivid…she could clearly recall the way she had felt, and the soar of her heart as she'd looked into his eyes and seen nothing but pure love and pride there in his watery, awestruck gaze. He had made her dream come true that day, and in that moment as they'd locked eyes after she had risen as a knight for the first time, Jaime had become her new dream. But now it was time to say goodbye to that. That dream was over. All she could do now was pray that the gods would be just and fair to him, whatever prevailed.

Watch over him, she prayed that night, as she returned to the Godswood and sought solace in the presence of the heart tree. Watch over him and remember that he is loved, and above all, that he is a good man.