Cas walked Dean backwards until the back of the other man's knees hit the edge of the bed and both of them fell onto the soft blue sheets laughing into each other's parted lips.
"Really?" Dean marveled over their positions. "You love topping me, don't you?"
Pressing their foreheads together, Cas bit his lips and smiled. He rubbed their noses together.
Dean, however, was in dire need to prove that he still had some amount of control. So, he tilted Cas' head to the side gently and sucked on the softest spot on the other man's neck, willing to leave a mark.
Then their eyes grew deeper as they searched and found that light of hope once more. And as they held onto that feeling, Cas, after capturing Dean's face tenderly between his hands, he kissed him slowly and softly.
The hunter's moans filled the air, low at first. And then those sounds were like music to Cas' ears as he kept on teasing by grazing his teeth along the other man's jawline. He was incredibly gentle with Dean though. He used every second to cover many more inches over the hunter's neck and shoulder until all the fear faded away and still…Cas' main aim was to make their love making an experience that would soften Dean's estranged mind.
"Do you want me to stop?" Cas asked as his warm breath kissed the shell of the hunter's right ear.
"No. Just…" Dean gulped as his green eyes squeezed shut, "don't go all the way until I'm ready."
Cas connected their eyes and frowned. "Of course, I wouldn't dare do that unless you are ready."
He straddled Dean's hips, and with their lips seeking a deep kiss again, Cas ran his fingers through the soft feel of the other man's hair. Wanting and knowing what he wanted. Tasting apples and beer and feeling every single shudder from Dean's body.
The experience was indeed a blissful one. Slow and torturing. Because he wanted Dean so much. He wanted to take off his clothes and let his eyes roam across every inch. Every ripple of muscle. Every scar. He wanted to kiss those scars and to taste Dean in his mouth, but they couldn't rush things.
And because he couldn't go all the way just yet, Cas just kissed the love of his life tenderly. He kept their bodies flush against one another, and he savored as much as he could feel through Dean's clothes. How hard he had grown in his pants, straining against the fabric. How he breathed into Cas' neck as he held him in his arms. And above all, how both of them were so easily crumbling like dust from the depth of their desire.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Dean whispered into the other man's ear. "Hmm? Why are you so determined to get a rise out of me?"
"Are you talking about this?" Cas slipped his hand boldly between the hunter's legs and felt Dean shudder from the intimate touch. It was like a few sparks had travelled through both their bodies from such a bold contact. The way he cupped Dean's hardened cock nestled in his boxers and measured the length bravely, his fingers diving lower and lower until he unearthed a moan so low and deep, the hunter had no choice but to cling onto the edge.
"Goddamn it, Cas!" Dean lifted his head and sought out the other man's lips, but Cas tortured him by moving away, those blue eyes lit by small fires. "If you keep this up, I'm going to…" he choked on his words when he felt the absence of that torturous hand, replaced by the feel of Cas straining inside his pants. And even though there were layers of clothing between the two of them, Dean felt every single inch of Cas. He felt how gloriously hard he was. And he loved it.
His mind was reeling from the kiss of hot breath on his face, his neck. The way those blue eyes pulled him in and drowned him until he was flailing and couldn't stop climbing to the edge.
"Do you feel me what you do to me?" Cas croaked before kissing Dean deeply. He moved on top of the hunter and every time he grind their hips together, Dean mewled satisfactorily underneath him. "Every time you have doubts, just remember that my body reacts the way it does because I'm so in love with you." Raking back Dean's hair, Cas kissed him so deep whilst moving on top of him, the hunter cried out between their kisses.
Dean lost himself so much, he couldn't remember where the hell they were. All he was conscious of was how fucking amazing Cas felt on top of him and in his arms, and how he was nearing the edge dangerously. His mind was screaming, and his body was on fire. Sweat soaked his hair as Cas captured his face between those steady hands and kissed him until he couldn't breathe again. Dean didn't even realize where his hands were until he barely sifted through what little sanity, he had left to find that he was gripping Cas' ass through his jeans. And then and only then did he begin to squeeze their hips closer together.
Both of them worked up a rhythm that picked up a pace. Moving together and grinding their hardened cocks through their jeans until suddenly, Cas pulled back from their kiss and stared wide eyed into green ones.
"Let go," Dean's voice was barely a whisper when he captured the other man's face between his palms. And even after Cas had stopped moving, he continued the pace. Dean finally witnessed the light burning bright behind the other man's eyes as he became so breathless, he was shuddering from nearing the edge of release. "Come on, darling," he said, raking his fingers through Cas' wet hair. "Let go."
"Dean!" melting into the hunter's neck Cas hips jerked as his entire body convulsed and he came in his pants over and over again. Losing his mind wasn't exactly what he experienced alone. It was like becoming one with someone else. Like feeling the fire burning between the two of them and knowing that they were so closely connected, their bodies fed off each other's energy.
Within seconds though, after Dean held Cas' and marveled over how had managed to push the other man off the edge, how he really made him crash hard until he was breathless, he barely held on until… Until Cas buried his face into the crook of his shoulder and decided to bite his neck passionately. And as he sucked and held onto Dean tighter whilst his body still rode out every single ounce of release, Dean cried out Cas' name hoarsely repeatedly when he finally let go.
He held him though. Tenderly afterwards. Dean held Cas in his arms and weakly pressed kisses onto the other man's sweat soaked hair sticking up in all directions. By then, Cas had become so soft, only the rise and fall of his chest suggested that he was trying to recover from being so breathless. From losing himself over and over again until they had both soaked their pants and didn't really care at all. They didn't have the energy to get up, much less to clean up themselves. And because Dean was finally able to unearth that kind of severe release from Cas, he felt so close to him, nothing else in the world mattered.
He had found his other half. People used to tease him about finding love someday. About meeting someone who would change his world and whose world he would change also. But he never in his wildest dreams imagined that he would be holding Cas in his arms, a breathless Cas after they had once again made love to each other. And there were so many ways to make love to a man, Dean couldn't believe he had never thought about these things.
Everything he accomplished with Cas on an intimate level was so damn exciting, he began to lose his fear of sex. Of not knowing the rest of what they could do because when they were together, their bodies took over for them. They could never stop themselves from wanting each other. That much was obvious. And because he kept crashing every single time, finding that release in a man way better of an experience than any he ever had, Dean held Cas so close, he never wanted to let him go.
"You're…amazing," Cas said after a while, with his face buried into Dean's neck still. Softly, he allowed his fingers to play with the tendrils resting behind the hunter's right ear. "I think we should take a shower now. Don't you?"
"Can you manage?" Dean smiled. "Or do you want me to carry you in my arms?"
"You go first," Cas rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, blinking slowly as if he was still trying to come back to reality.
Dean, after grabbing his towel, walked stiffly towards the door and after parting the shower curtains, he peeled off his sweat soaked clothes. The water was cold and refreshing when he stepped under. It rained onto his body and very soon after squeezing out some body wash into his hands, Dean heard the creak of the door.
At first, he stood still and wondered if Cas was coming in to brush his teeth. But then when the curtain was brushed aside, a bolt of shock filled his chest when he faced the other man completely naked for the first time.
"Cas, what the…" Dean reached for the knob and turned off the shower. Both of them stared at each other.
"I can't keep doing this anymore," Cas said as his chest heaved, his blue eyes darker than usual as he roamed Dean's body slowly, inch by inch from the hunter's neck down his torso. "I can't continue to…dream about how you look under your clothes. Dean, you're…" when he found the other man's exposed cock, Cas' lips parted, "more beautiful than I could have ever imagined."
"Fuck." Dean blinked and felt so damn vulnerable, he didn't know what else to say. He was standing there, completely naked and like an exhibit whilst the other man roamed his body.
Cas probably wasn't conscious of it, but his gaze wasn't entirely concealing of lust either. The way he brushed his eyes all over Dean's body and allowed his mind to touch the soft skin on the other man's inner thighs wasn't something that colored him in shame. No. Because he had yearned for this for ages. To stand there and stare in awe at the contours on Dean's body. The scars, all of them.
"Now it's my turn," Cas reached for the top button of his shirt.
"If you take your shirt off," Dean was so breathless, he felt like he would die, "I swear, I'm not going to be able to…Jesus, Cas. Go ahead and kill me in one night."
Those emerald eyes widened when one article of clothing was discarded on the floor. Then the other man unzipped his pants and stepped out of them skillfully whilst maintaining eye contact. All the while, Dean was losing his mind. Cas' slight hips and his goddamn black, sexy boxers. Fuck. He was so damn gorgeous, even before Cas revealed himself, Dean was hard again and this time, he couldn't conceal it. But so was Cas.
And Cas was…so beautifully sculpted, Dean shuddered from what he saw. Because what he had dreamt of so far didn't do the other man any justice. His cock was thicker and possibly an inch or more longer and he was standing there looking so delectable, Dean reached out, collected the other man's shoulder in his grasp and he gently pulled him closer.
"Am I enough?" Cas asked in a vulnerable voice, it stunned Dean because he felt like he should have asked that question.
"Come here," the hunter reached out, turned on the shower and pulled Cas into a kiss so deep at first, the two of them seemed to be coming to each other for the first time in a long time. "Don't ever ask me again if you're enough," Dean pressed their foreheads together with an inch of space between their bodies. "Even before I saw all of you, I knew you were the one who would complete me in every possible way."
"I can't stop wanting you, Dean," Cas offered a pained expression. "I really can't. I need you all the time."
"I want you too so much more."
"But you told me that you're scared, remember?"
Dean gazed into those blue eyes and felt the safest he had ever felt in years. "I'm not scared of holding you, or touching you, or making love to you. I'm just kind of not ready to go all the way as yet."
The other man's honesty wasn't ignored by Cas, instead, he smiled in acceptance. "But for now, let's make the most of what we can do without our clothes on."
"Hell, I'm game."
Cas moved in dangerously, and when Dean felt his back press against the tiled wall, he knew that he was doomed. He didn't anticipate what their bodies would feel like together though. Not in that fashion at all. So, when Cas did come into him, even before they fitted perfectly together, Dean was gasping for air as the water cascaded onto them. What he felt, was even better than the way Cas felt through his clothes.
Raw. Pure. Warm and slowly building a fire.
His pores were excited. Dean could feel every single dream he had ever had at last. And moaning as their lips danced close together, Dean wrapped his arms around the other man's hips and pulled him into a kiss so passionately, Cas knees buckled.
Gaining control was something that came easily to him when Cas was in his weakest moment. But he didn't want to overpower the glorious situation between them. Instead, Dean marveled over the feel of Cas' body. The way his skin was so soft and perfect. His thighs though. Obviously, Cas had been working out or something because he was toned in all the right places. Dean couldn't quite understand how a man's body could be so perfect. Even his freaking cock was beautiful, and the hunter felt terribly ashamed after thinking in such a dirty manner.
Cas on the other hand was seriously losing himself in the way Dean held him so close. Almost as if he didn't ever want to let him go. Dean's body was sculpted and toned and flawed by scars. He had scars from wounds in his past. Scars from wounds not so long ago. Cas left hickeys around the hunter's neck proudly claiming his territory, sucking and biting until the shower was filled with moans. Even when he stopped kissing the soft, tender flesh under Dean's right ear, Cas still wanted more. So, he smartly took a firm hold of the other man's ass and he pressed him up against the tiled walls.
They kissed so deeply for a full minute, Dean blindly reached for the knob and turned off the shower. He was so lost in Cas's embrace; he had no idea how a kiss could become so damn full of desire. It was like he had been thirsty for ten freaking years and trying so desperately to drink every single ounce of passion from between Cas' lips. Trying to seek out their profound bond and holding onto it for his life. And the more he tried, the more Cas pressed into him and grinded their hips together.
The rhythm was delicious. The feel of their hardened cocks nestled together was ideally the best kind of blissful moment in his life. So, Dean was naturally overwhelmed. From the way their hearts hammered together in their chests pressed together, to the way Cas kept sucking on his earlobe and biting his neck until the skin felt sensitive and raw.
All his energy built up like a volcano about to erupt but for some odd reason, he couldn't leap over the edge that easily this time around. Instead, he drove pathways with his desperate fingers through Cas' wet hair, and he kissed him as if Cas' mouth was his only oxygen supply.
Very soon though, their moans filled the bathroom and eventually when their eyes met, Dean implored with blue ones to provide him with the opportunity to take control. When Cas released him from their intimate grasp, the hunter walked him into the opposite direction until their positions were in reverse now. Then slowly and willingly because he had been aching to taste every inch of Cas, Dean, for the first time, went down on a guy.
If he had to sum up the experience into one word, he would have described everything as…simply delicious. From the moment he began to trail kisses down Cas' heaving chest, Dean realized how gay he probably was. For Cas, that is. Because the man's body was so fucking perfect. He kept pressing soft kisses until he was down on his knees and finally faced with his inexperienced nervous jitters on what to do next. And after taking a hold of Cas' hips, Dean's eyes met blue ones, perhaps seeking out instructions.
"Dean, don't think," Cas groaned, running his fingers through the other man's spiky hair and forcing out a painful smile. "Just feel. Do exactly to me what you'd like me to do to you. Please, Dean. I'm so…" when the hunter gripped his shaft between his fingers firmly, Cas stopped breathing. But Dean had other plans.
He pressed his parted lips onto the other man's hardened cock and literally felt so nervous, Dean was terribly ashamed of himself. Why couldn't he bravely pursue the man he loved? What the hell was holding him back? Cas was all open and ready to go all the way with him, giving up control of his body, and Dean felt so awkward about it, he froze up.
"My love," Cas gently said whilst caressing the other man's face affectionately.
"I can't…" Dean felt so humiliated. He blinked and sucked in air through his lips.
"Here," Cas took a hold of his cock between his fingers and gently eased the tip near the other man's lips. He was already leaking, aching for release. "Close your eyes and just feel what I'm doing. Do you trust me?"
Dean nodded, his emerald eyes fluttering close. Just when he expected to be completely turned off by the new feeling, as Cas eased himself into the hunter's mouth, he was surprisingly stunned to realize that…the whole affair was somewhat…captivating to say the least. Gradually, he worked himself into becoming comfortable and when he finally tasted Cas, Dean couldn't get enough.
He took over, wrapping his fingers around the other man's dick and he began to do exactly what was expected of him. Slowly at first, never being able to completely devour Cas down his throat but nevertheless, he was doing something right because the other man was writhing against the wall. And Dean couldn't believe how simply beautiful the entire ordeal was as he marveled over the soft brown coarse hair gathered between Cas' legs and the way he was so damn perfect. Every time he took Cas into his mouth, Dean's heart sighed. And with every thrust into his mouth, Dean mirrored the same action with his hardened cock between his fingers.
"Dean," Cas moaned loudly, his eyes squeezed shut as he rode the journey towards the edge. "Just like…that. You're doing so…good." His body was steaming, and gradually, a beautiful feeling of warmth pooled into his gut. "Dean!" he cried hoarsely, throwing his head back and gasping for air. And unbelievably, Cas came so intensely, his hips jerked after every wave of release into the other man's mouth and over and over, he kept crying out as Dean swallowed every single time.
Then after pulling the hunter up into an embrace, Cas kissed Dean deeply, tasting himself on the other man's lips. He reached between them and took a hold of Dean's leaking cock and then gradually, he jerked him off until the hunter wept into the crook of his shoulder. Biting and trying to muffle his cries after coming again and again. With every release, Cas yanked him within a firm grasp and held Dean in his arms until he was well spent and weak.
By the time they were both finished lathering up skin still on fire, kissing in between soapy suds and laughing into each other's mouths, Dean was so exhausted. He barely managed to towel off, slip into a tank and boxers and plopping onto the bed, the hunter waited patiently.
It had been a…blissful evening. He never in his wildest dreams believed that giving a blowjob to Cas would leave him feeling so full. And so soft inside. Dean rested upon the sheets and smiled up at the ceiling, wondering why on earth he had been so nervous in the first place.
It wasn't as if he was completely closed off to a man's needs. He had those same gut-wrenching needs, didn't he? To be honest, Cas had tasted so damn good. He could still feel the other man's release down his throat and how Cas had cried out his name repeatedly. That alone, was powerful to him because he was completely certain of the impact, he had over the man he loved. And because of that impact, Dean felt satisfied.
When Cas emerged from the bathroom, his hair was wild and with a towel wrapped around his waist alone, Dean could only stare.
What in the world could be more beautiful than Castiel? Even without his grace, he appeared as glorious as an angel. His skin was glowing, and those blue eyes were so damn piercing, Dean couldn't peel his gaze away from the best view of the ocean resting on the most handsome face of his lover.
He grinned like a teenager, maddened by love and chuckled afterwards. "Hi, darling."
Cas rolled his eyes and chuckled. Toweling his hair, he slowly stepped towards the opened bag sitting on the other bed. Then gracefully parting a few articles of clothing aside, he reached inside for something and pulled out a black ACDC t-shirt.
About three years ago, Dean had given Cas that same t-shirt to wear under his shirt on a hunt because of the bitter winter. And ever since then, Cas had always taken the t-shirt with him everywhere. Even when he had distanced himself from the other man after Mary's death, Cas still had packed the shirt in his bag.
Dean remembered. He stared at the shirt and couldn't quite believe how long it had been since that one cold night when the other man was literally shivering inside a motel room. And he had pulled the shirt out and tossed it over at a confused Cas. Now though, Cas looked so damn good wearing his clothes, Dean sighed deeply and felt small butterflies swirling around inside his chest. His heart was galloping, almost as if he was riding high on ecstasy and when the other man approached the bed, Dean held his breath.
"Making love to you is the best feeling in the world," Cas said in his gravelly voice. He climbed onto the bed and sat with his legs folded. He gazed lovingly at Dean.
The hunter smiled as his chest swelled. "Likewise, Cas."
"Are you still feeling uncomfortable?"
"With what?" Dean held his breath.
Cas shrugged. "Me…being a man. My body…"
"I really don't have a problem with any inch of your body at this point," Dean produced an award-winning smile. "Jesus, Cas. You're so amazing, if you could see yourself through my eyes. If you could feel how I feel about you. At this point, I'm a hopeless mess."
"You're adorable," Cas caressed the hunter's cheek with his cupped fingers and smiled lovingly.
The night was still. Even the leaves on the maple tree beyond the window weren't moving. Yet the stillness had a satisfying feel instead of an eerie one. It was almost as if nature was holding its breath.
"How did I do?" Dean asked after some time. He was still a bit paranoid about his performance.
"Splendidly. And how did I do?"
Dean sighed dreamily. "You're way ahead in the game. I don't know where the hell you got your knowledge from in making out with a guy, but you're freaking good at it."
"Well honestly since we entered into an official relationship," Cas settled onto his back comfortably beside Dean, their shoulders touching, "I've been doing a lot of reading about the many ways to make out with another man. There isn't a vast amount of content online, which disappointed me. But I did find a blog that specializes in exploring the nature of sex. It dates to several years."
Impressed, Dean nodded whilst unconsciously staring up at the ceiling. Arms folded behind his head; he couldn't imagine a life much better than the one he was experiencing.
"Cas, wasn't there ever a rule in Heaven…against homosexuality or something? I mean, you were created as an angel of God. I don't think you're supposed to go against the Bible, right?"
Thinking about it, Cas turned onto his side and nestled his right cheek onto Dean's chest. "The rule never applied to angels because we were never supposed to fall in love with humans in the first place. Anna was imprisoned and tortured eons ago because she slept with a human in Israel. Then when she slept with you…" Cas paused and the night was so silent, although Dean's heart gave a few loud thuds in his chest. "She was disciplined severely. As was I…"
"Right," the hunter remembered, "when you started to have feelings for me. But Cas," Dean croaked, reaching for the other man's hand and entwining their fingers, "before you met me, when you were on earth, didn't you ever experience the same kind of feelings for any other human?"
"No," Cas admitted. "I dwelled on earth for a considerable amount of time before raising you from hell. But I never felt so…weak and conflicted. When I first realized that I was feeling something for you, I was terrified. I wanted you in so many ways, Dean. I wanted to be so close to you and you had a problem with me getting into your personal space."
"I remember how you used to kill me with that problem," Dean smiled up at the ceiling. He gently stroked Cas' hair. "You used to get all up in my face and stare at me without blinking. Wait, was that why Naomi made you kill me repeatedly? Because of your feelings for me?"
"Yes," Cas said hoarsely. The memories of repeatedly stabbing Dean sliced his chest with pain. Oh, how he had crumbled, moving from loving to detesting the feeling of love, over and over again.
"No wonder when the bitch met me, she told me I had corrupted you. Damn. Do you remember Meg?"
"I do…"
Dean laughed. The sound of an audience laughing drifted from Sam's room next door. "Meg seriously believed we were together since then. Even Balthazar. Crowley used to throw these hints."
"He once said that he could smell the Impala all over me," Cas admitted, remembering how jealous the King of Hell had been over his bond with Dean. "Crowley was convinced that we used to have sex in your car."
"I've had sex with you in the backseat of Baby a thousand times since you left that day," Dean referenced their terrible parting of ways a few weeks prior. Back then he had been so damn full of pain and drowning.
"But when you dream of having sex with me, how far do we manage to go, Dean?" Cas met emerald eyes and he didn't look away. "I'm still curious why you're terrified. Is it because of your fear of failing to please me? Because once we cross that line, I'm certain that we will both enjoy it thoroughly. And I'm not asking this of you because going all the way is essentially more important than anything else in our relationship. Why I'm asking is simply because I would like us to talk about your fears and mine."
"I'm just…" Dean felt somewhat comfortable about exposing himself, "…not ready. What we're doing so far is freaking amazing. You're gentle with me and patient and I keep loving you even more because you're trying to make me feel comfortable with the idea of making love. Tonight, when you told me that you couldn't keep dreaming about how I looked naked, I was shocked but then I realized that hey, I feel the same way too. I've been dreaming about you all day long. I've been hating on your trench coat, and I never used to hate it this much. Now when you take it off, my eyes just can't stop trying to find you under your shirt and your jeans."
"Well now you are quite aware of how I look under my clothes," Cas provided with a smile. "Every inch of me."
"I still can't believe that you're mine, Cas," Dean admitted in a soft tone. He stared lovingly into the other man's eyes.
"Well you need to start believing. I'm fully yours. All of me."
Dean sighed. "Do you think that I'll ever get better though, Cas?"
"What do you mean?" the other man offered a worried look. He was suddenly frightened, and Cas felt so softer, he pulled the other man into his embrace and didn't want to let go.
"Today Sam and I were talking, and…I…kind of went to a dark place, you know? I always go back there even when I don't want to and when I go back there, I think I'm just scratching at my scars. I'm making them worst and he hates when I try to remember the painful parts of my past, but I can't forget. I am the way I am because of my bad experiences and if I was to erase all of them, then I wouldn't be so damn…"
"Beautiful," Cas completed in a husky tone. "Dean, it's okay to remember. But what causes me great displeasure is when you allow the pain to overwhelm you again and again, as brutal as it wounded you before. I've realized something about you, Dean. When you're backed into a corner, you refuse to talk about your feelings. And when you try to bury the trauma inside, you act on impulse and you become reckless. And the reason why I'm trying so hard to get you to open up to me and I keep holding on to you a little tighter than normal is because I'm afraid that if I let you go, I'll lose you."
"I almost lost you, Dean. You were trying to battle your feelings for me alone in your room without letting anyone in and Sam told me about hiding your gun from you. He also had to take away the medication in your room and your weapons. It's why I ran back to you. I was so angry at you, I hated you because I loved you and I wanted you to suffer because of the pain you caused me. I know that it was selfish," Cas admitted when tears clouded Dean's beautiful eyes. "But at that point, I had no idea that you felt the same about me and I kept hating you because I thought that you would never understand."
"So, what made you come back to me?" Dean's throat ached from his urge to cry.
"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this now," Cas regretted what he had said out loud because of the pain reflected behind emerald eyes.
"Why did you come back, Cas?" Dean wouldn't give up that easily. "Even though you started to hate me…"
"Sam," Cas said softly, holding onto their entwined fingers and fearing that they would crash. "He reached out to me, explained how you were destroying yourself and immediately, I started to love you again."
"Because I was suffering?"
"No," Cas could hear the pain between Dean's words. "Because you were clearly in love with me and couldn't accept it."
"So, if Sam never reached out to you," Dean wouldn't give up. He was riding on a wave of terrible mushiness and needed to swim through it before he could lift his head above the murky water. "You wouldn't have come back to me, Cas?"
"Maybe not for a long time."
"And suppose whilst you were jumping around the world, taking your time to come back to me, I ended up killing myself…"
"Dean," Cas swallowed hard and tears clouded his vision. He propped himself up on his elbow and connected their eyes. Emerald ones were leaking and suddenly, Cas hated himself so much for digging so deep. "Please don't think like that. Where you are right now, where we are, we've made so much progress. You have made so much progress."
"Have I, Cas?" Dean's voice trembled. He felt so vulnerable, he wished that he could stop expelling all his pain, but his heart wouldn't allow it. "So far, I'm still broken inside and I still feel low most days. But the only difference is, I have you to keep my head above water. But if you ever leave me, I'm going to go right back to digging my own grave because that's what I've been doing all these years since I came back from hell."
"Babe," Cas collected Dean into his arms and hugged him tenderly. He pressed a kiss onto the other man's forehead. "I'm going to love you until I fix all your broken pieces back together. And whilst I'm doing that, I'll try to fill every void in your life."
"That shouldn't be your job," Dean said into Cas' hair, his tears leaking onto the soft tendrils. "How can you fix me when I'm beyond fixing? How can you love me when I'm so dead inside without you? I'm using you as my lifeline, Cas. And the moment you realize how I'm beyond saving; you're going to leave me."
Cas pressed their lips together in the softest kiss, catching Dean's barely parted ones. When he pulled back an inch, the hunter stared into blue eyes that anchored him through the chaos. "I'm never going to leave you, sweetheart. I'm never going to ever leave you because you know why?" Cas initiated another kiss that unearthed a low moan from the other man. "I'm so in love with you, nothing else makes sense to me. I have nowhere else to go because nowhere else will feel as safe as when I'm in your arms. Or when I'm kissing you or we're making love. Why would I leave you when you're all that I ever wanted for close to eleven years now? I've loved you for such a long time, Dean Winchester."
"Cas…" Dean whispered.
"And I'm going to keep on loving you even when you don't want me to. Sam said that we might do some shopping on our way back tomorrow. Is there anything that you specifically need? Perhaps…another pair of Frozen underwear?" Cas was trying so desperately to change the topic.
"Don't judge what you do not understand," Dean supplied a stolid expression. "And yes, I do need a pair of Frozen boxers. I also need to buy you something for Christmas, which is in four days, by the way."
"Well I've purchased your gift two months ago and it has been well hidden in the bunker since then, so maybe I might add another if I find something. I need to buy something for Sam…"
"Get him a pair of moose antlers. He always loves those," Dean smiled. "Or you know what? We'll ditch him in the bookstore, and we'll go looking for a gift. I also need to get him something. Might get you a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold. What you think about that?"
Cas collected the other man's face between his hands and smiled sweetly. "Sure, because those items wouldn't be used on me. You'll be buying them to aid me in conducting some extensive foreplay on you."
"You tease," Dean's body shuddered from the jolt of desire rippling through his veins. "Dammit, Cas."