The Final Thoughts of An Overall Pretty Insignificant Speck In The Universe

"Hey."

"Oh, hey."

"..."

"..."

"It's been a while."

"Yeah. Five weeks, right?"

"Five weeks."

"Time flies."

"Damn right."

"..."

"..."

"So how's leading IvyClan going? What's it like?"

"It's...It's intense. Everyone is still shaken up about your killing spree."

"And even when your leader dies three days after you commit suicide, it doesn't get any harder."

"Oh, stop lying to me. I know you pushed him into the Thunderpath."

"..."

"You knew the stakes. You knew what you would lose. Why did you do it?"

"I...wanted to give moving on a try."

"And how'd that go for you?"

"Well, I thought I had something for a week. Wandered a bit, found a nice she-cat, slept with her a couple times…"

"And why is she not here?"

"I realized that...I realized I wasn't ready to move on. This was just a duplication of something authentic. Just an act that would only feel...right if it was with you."

"I'm flattered."

"I thought you would be."

"..."

"..."

"But do you really think that's an excuse as to why you left her?"

"Let's be honest, she was never happy with me. It was Heat season after all. I did it for her own good."

"So let me get this straight. You suffocated her until she was unconscious and dragged her to a Twoleg den so that she could have her kits taken away from her and be forced to get a vasectomy, and you think that's for her own good?"

"...I'm not even gonna question how you know that."

"You know why I know that, Stripeheart."

"..."

"..."

"You never came for me."

"..."

"You're not Flowertail."

"And for the grand prize, who am I?"

"*sigh* You're me, and I've been imagining this entire conversation."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"*sigh*"

"..."

"Fuck."

My name is Stripeheart.

And I've decided to die today.

Come on, you can't say that this would be a big surprise. Five weeks of being disillusioned, Five weeks of impatient, hopeless, pointless waiting. Five weeks that included a three-night-stand and me throwing a she-cat pregnant with my kits to the Twolegs.

Nothing's been the same without her.

Oh, what the fuck am I saying? Nothing in my life has ever been normal. Never in my life have I had a normal routine. Nobody allowed me enough freedom in my life to allow a normal routine.

There is no "same" or "normal" when your life is consistently fluid. Everything comes and goes in waves.

Flowertail's just...stung more.

And I ruined an innocent cat's life because I thought she was coming back for me.

What the fuck was I thinking?

…

Where will I go when I die in a few minutes?

Absolutely not to StarClan. No chance of that.

But what if I don't end up in the Dark Forest?

That'll at least be interesting to ponder? What if my soul is sent somewhere that's not a big, dark box where you're left to wander alone for eternity?

Eh, who am I kidding? Anything more than hell can be called a happy ending.

So as I stand on this cliff, why am I deciding to jump?

Not because I'll be at peace.

Not because I have no purpose in life.

It's because I want to break the cycle.

Every single thing I do ruins someone's life, one way or another. Everyone would be better off.

I would be better off dead for the sake of everyone else in the world.

Holy shit, this is literally the first time I'm doing something for the benefit of the masses.

And it'll be the last thing I'll ever do.

But I'm no martyr. Hell, I'm not even sure no one will think about me when I jump. Maybe some scavengers will thank their lucky stars if they find my body.

The only thing others will remember me for is how much blood I have on my paws, but even then, generations will pass. Cats will forget.

And there will come a glorious day where no one will care to remember the thoughts and words of a satirical, unstable sociopath

I'll be insignificant. Just as Rowanfur said I was.

And that's okay.

Because he was right. All I am is just another speck in the movement of the world, no matter how much of an anomaly I made with my claws.

I'll spend my days waiting in solitude until I fade from existence, when the last cat in the world forgets my name. When all signs and memories of me are purged from the world.

And that makes me happy. Because when that day comes, I'll forget everything forever.

I won't be able to think, feel, exist any longer.

No one deserves to remember me.

This is how things should be.

Alright, I've cynically philosophized enough for one lifetime.

My name is Stripeheart.

Have a good life without me.

You deserve it.

Enjoy.

The End

I did it.

I fucking did it.

And thus ends "the thoughts and words of a satirical, unstable sociopath."

Never in my life did I think I was ever going to write "The End."

I feel amazing and...extremely depressed at the same time. I fear I won't be able to write something quite like this anymore.

A story with 2,700+ views and 80+ reviews.

So thank you for helping me make a pedestal that I'd never thought I'd be able to make for this site.

Acknowledgements (Cheesy, I know, but this is a big moment here)

Thanks to my girlfriend, Sea or Xepphyr, who incessantly prodded me with ideas on how to write the back half of this story. I think half of you would have lost interest in this story if she wasn't there to help write it.

Thanks to Jayfeather's Friend, my favorite Star Wars junkie and action scene legend on this site who I never thought would be friends with. Your reviews and encouragement was a big part of how I could finish this story.

Thanks to all of you that left constant reviews on my story, including RobinLudgate, Ivystorm, Muzzicat91 and DappledleafTheBootiful. One of the driving inspirations of a story is a stream of interest. Thank you for keeping me invested as much in this story as you were.

And of course, to everyone else reading this story. You are the unsung, nameless heroes in my small writing career whom I wish I could hug and give free cookies. Thank you for showing your care so that I could care.

If you're interested in my writing style, feel free to check out my older short stories. My favorites are "frozen" and "dress-up," personally :P

And of course, my priority shifts to "everyone dies at the end" and "recovery." If I can continue at this pace of writing, it will be a very merry Christmas break indeed.

But thank you for reading "the thoughts and words of an satirical, unstable sociopath"

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Best,

~Res