Bohemian Rhapsody (pt. 2) – A Ballad
Oh, hello, gentle readers, and welcome back to Marvel High. I'm your host: Wade Wilson.
I bet you've noticed the lack of quotations and wonder where they've gone. Well, the narrator is currently drowning her sorrows in a mountain of nachos, and I'm the narrator now. For the time being, anyway.
So, sit back and relax as I, Wade Wilson, presents: Marvel High's mini-arc entitled "Bohemian Rhapsody (part two)—A Ballad."
Dun-dun-dun.
By Monday morning, the storm of clichés had yet to let up. And you know what that means. As our characters get ready for their second week back to school, the dark clouds and heavy rainfall are supposed to be symbolic representations of the inner turmoil felt by our unending string of characters. You know what? Allow me to narrow the lens a bit, so we can see how each of these poor, oh-woe-is-me saps are doing on this cold and dreary morning.
First, let's take a journey over to the bad side of town and into the home of Bucky Barnes. He lives furthest from the school and, yet, is still lying in bed. Horribly decision, really. If he doesn't hurry up and get dressed, he's going to be late. He doesn't seem to care about that, though. If my narrator's intuition is correct, his thoughts are most likely on a certain redhead and his own broken heart. I wonder if I should tell him that he's only seventeen and he's being ridiculous. Would that be mean? Oh well, get a move on. Your part in this story isn't over…yet.
Across town, Bruce Banner's been up for hours. If that boy doesn't get some sleep soon, he's going to get cranky, and—trust me—you won't like him when he's angry. Right now, though, he's just staring at himself in the mirror, which is odd; I never pegged him for a narcissist. And—wait, what is he doing—now he's shrugging on a leather jacket. Boy, that is not a good look on you. I would never disrespect The Fonz, but Bruce in a leather jacket looks like a two-bit Fonzie wannabe, and he is not pulling that look off at all.
Then there's Tony Stark. He's gotten even less sleep than his Science BroTM. He looks terrible. I'm talking circles under his eyes, sallow skin, and hair that looks like he lost a head-butting competition with a Hoover. I wouldn't be surprised if this Troll doll look-a-like started sprouting gray hair by the end of this arc.
According to the plot outline, Bucky's finally ready to go to school. He didn't change, so I'm sure he smells great, and he's taking his…motorcycle. In the rain… Terribly irresponsible. But as much as I'd like to watch that…maybe listen to some intense prog rock and describe his soulful ride in the rain like it's something out of an 80s movie complete with a montage of tracking shots, I still have to visit the Barton house and so many other places. Good luck Buck-o. Try not to die.
Where was I? Oh! That's right, the Barton house.
Clint and the object of almost everyone's affection, Natasha Romanoff, are sitting at the kitchen table with their untouched breakfast in front of them. For Clint, that's not much of a big deal. Natasha, on the other hand, has her first official football practice after school. Somebody should really tell homegirl that she needs to start carbo-loading if she doesn't want to drop dead of exhaustion later…and she's putting her uneaten bowl of cereal in the sink. First of all, how rude. Is she expecting the mother formally known as Mrs. Barton to clean up after her? Second, there are starving children in this world, Miss Romanoff, but you're comfortable wasting a perfectly good bowl of Cheerios? Despicable…
Clint's staring after her like a little creep.
"We riding together?" he asks, favoring brevity over grammar.
But Natasha is already out the door. She heard him, don't get me wrong, she was just ignoring him, and I don't blame her. As I mentioned before, she has football practice later. What is he going to do? Watch in the rain. Of course, you need to take separate cars, jackass.
A few miles away, Pepper Potts is preparing for battle. Her uniform: a crisp, white sundress (someone should tell her it's raining) coupled with a black, tailored trench coat (oh, so she knows…never mind). Her lips are perfectly lined and painted with an alarming shade of red lipstick, while her eye makeup is minimal. I guess she's going for the 'classy vixen' look…and it's working. (Don't catcall, Wade! Don't do it!).
As Miss Potts is marching down the stairs, Happy Hogan is sloshing up the walkway to her front door. He's armed with an extra-large umbrella. Three guesses who's it for. Happy gladly holds the umbrella for Miss Potts and holds the passenger side door open for her. Once inside, Miss Potts whips out her phone and begins firing a series of texts to her friend and flunky, Maria Hill.
Closer to school, Carol Danvers is waiting for Maria Rambeau. Take a lesson from these two environmentally-conscious young women: carpooling! While she waits, Carol traces her finger across the photo she received Saturday night. The picture zooms in until it's just her and Valkyrie's faces filling up the screen. I wonder why…ooh!
Steve Rogers is already at school, sitting in his car in the parking lot, because he is the only one not consumed by an egregious romantic obsession with…guess I spoke too soon. Turns out the little creeper gets there early every morning to watch Peggy Carter, the administration office's assistant, arrive for work. Tsk-tsk. Naughty boy.
Finally, there's my Petey. The good boy that he is, Peter Parker is already on the school bus, sitting next to…I wanna say Ned. They're both staring at me like I'm insane, and I'd like to ask them to stop.
"What are you doing?" Peter asks me.
I've taken over as the narrator of this story. Haven't you been listening to me?
Peter can only blink and shake his head in confusion. Poor, sweet, simple, Peter.
"I get it," MJ says, alerting my attention to her presence.
MJ is sitting in the seat behind Peter and Ned. I'm not quite sure what her role is in this story. If I had to guess, I'd say that the OG narrator was setting her up to be a romantic interest for Spidey-Pete, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
"Why? You interested?" she asks me.
Don't know. I'm guessing it depends on what the readers want.
She nods like she understands, and I've decided that she's officially one of my new favorite people…or my enemy. One of the two, which means I didn't really decide anything.
Moving on!
With this part set, let's go ahead and take an even closer look inside the minds of these characters.
As Bucky weaved in and out of traffic, he lost himself to thoughts of Natasha: how they'd met, their relationship before junior year, how and why he'd left, and how everything had gone to shit with her once he'd returned. Some memories made him frown, while others caused his stomach to seize up from the guilt. The worse feeling was the sharp stabbing sensation in his heart when he thought of his most recent interactions with Natasha and of the photo he'd received on Saturday. When he thought of Stark, however, the pain gave way to blinding rage.
Bruce appraised his own appearance in the mirror. If Natasha had dated Bucky in the past, there was no chance she was into nerdy guys like himself. The jacket had belonged to his father, and it didn't fit. But if he wanted a chance with Natasha, he had to kill the part of himself that was self-conscious and afraid to act. As he headed out the front door, he said a silent farewell to his old self and gave in to his darker side.
Tony hadn't expected Bruce to return his text asking if he wanted a ride to school. Bruce hadn't returned any of Tony's texts and calls all weekend. Even so, he waited until the last possible minute to leave…just in case.
As he was about to leave the house, Tony's phone buzzed with a new text alert. When he checked it, his stomach dropped:
Pepper Potts: Text me when you get to school. We need to talk.
"Shit," he muttered.
(Potty mouth on that one, am I right?)
Tony pocketed his phone and headed out the door.
Natasha checked her rear-view mirror and spotted Clint's car a ways behind her. She rolled her eyes but smiled softly. When she pulled into a parking spot at school, Clint parked right beside her. As terrible as she felt after the photo disaster, Clint's persistent friendship made her feel a bit better.
Now that pretty much everyone is at school, let's zoom out a bit, shall we?
Allow me to set the stage: Steve is sitting in his car, having arrived early to creep on a grown woman named Peggy. Natasha and Clint are parked right next to each other, waiting for a break in this onslaught of rain or…who knows? Perhaps, they were waiting for Carol and Maria Rambeau, who just pulled into the spot beside them. And it looks like they have Valkyrie with them in the backseat.
Pepper is seated in the passenger seat of Happy's car. She's too busy texting to pay attention to his half-hearted attempts at flirting. Wait 'til Tony finds out.
Speaking of Tony, look who just pulled in to the student parking lot. For a seventeen-year-old, the car he's driving is wildly inappropriate. Save that color and type for your midlife crisis, buddy.
The bus reserved for the vehicularly-challenged has arrived and is currently unloading. I've just gotten off, myself (got myself off, wink-wink), along with Peter, Neddykins, and the mysterious MJ. Even though I'd prefer to get out of the rain, two things just happened.
One: the roar of a motorbike tells me that Bucky has arrived, safe and sound.
And, two: the slightly softer roar of a much smaller bike leads me to believe that Bruce Banner has abandoned his sanity along with his old persona. Oh…and that he's arrived.
Bucky and Bruce park side-by-side in the stalls reserved for those types of vehicles. Naturally, everyone stares at the sight because no one expected Bruce to ever do something so un-Bruce-like. Even Bucky looks confused and then embarrassed for the poor kid. Rightly so, too.
While Bucky looks like a slick, glistening Adonis after his ride through the rain, Bruce looks more like a drowned sewer rat. Serves him right for not staying true to himself.
With everyone important finally in one place, I guess I should finally mention what our villain is doing.
Loki's inside, having recently transferred into Dr. Pym's class. From his seat, he has a perfect view of the student parking lot.
And an evil grin on his face.
Dun-dun-dun.
*Song Inspiration: "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen