Chapter Twenty-One

"Oh!"

Nelson's eyes snap open and Ruth pulls away from their kiss as they hear a voice behind them. She immediately turns away, and he can see her blushing bright red. Slightly dazed, he turns around to see Rebecca standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Sorry to interrupt," she says snidely. "Kate asked if we can have ice cream. I said I'd check with you."

The look on Ruth's face is one he's not sure he's ever seen. She looks utterly horrified and about ready to break down and cry. In fact, he knows he's never seen her like that before. Even when either of them had been in mortal danger in the past, Ruth has been strong and focused, almost recklessly so. Seeing her turned meek and afraid by his daughter, of all things, stirs something inside him he can't quite name.

Seeing that Ruth cannot answer, Nelson says, "Just one of the fruit things. She gets hyper on too much sugar."

Rebecca is looking at him and then to Ruth and back to him. There's a curious look on her face. She walks past them both and goes to the freezer to find the fruity ice pops that Michelle used to buy for a treat now and again. They've got lemon and strawberry. Rebecca gets one of each and then decides on one more strawberry.

"I'll let Kate have her pick, and me and Laura can take what's left. Though I bet Laura doesn't want one," Rebecca says, rolling her eyes. She starts to go back to the living room but pauses, turning back to Ruth with a strange little smile. "I won't bite, you know. You don't have to be scared of us. Everything over the last week has been completely mental and awful for me and Laura, but…well…Kate's amazing. We just love her. And if you're going to be part of our family, we all should…I dunno, get used to each other, I guess." She shrugs and takes the ice pops out to where Elsa is singing Let It Go.

Nelson just stares after her, confused beyond belief. "What the bloody hell's she playing at?" he mutters to himself. Rebecca's words to Ruth just then were shockingly kind. And mature. Two words that would not have been in the first dozen that spring to mind when describing his Rebecca. She's a strong girl, smart and funny, somewhat flippant and disorganized sometimes. She's got a mean streak in her, too. Nelson thinks she gets that from him, that tendency to be judgmental and sarcastic rather than earnestly join in with anything.

But Rebecca's moment of vague warmth just then is extremely unexpected. Nelson has assumed that she's the one who will be hardest to win over. Laura, after she's done crying, will always come around. She loves too much to ever stay angry or hurt for too long. Rebecca's the one to hold a grudge. Having her be the one to tell Ruth that they love Kate and they should all be something of a family? Not in a million years did Nelson imagine hearing that from Rebecca. In fact, he has been expecting and dreading that Rebecca would be so upset and disappointed in him that she just leaves and never wants to speak to him again. Instead, it seems like she's welcoming Ruth into their lives and accepted it. How and why, he's not sure.

"That wasn't what you told me," Ruth says quietly.

He turns to her, seeing her face still a little pink but her eyes much less like a deer in the headlights now. "Hmm?" Nelson seems to have lost the power of intelligent speech for the moment.

"You said Rebecca's the angry one. She didn't seem angry. She was…really nice, actually."

"Yeah, I don't know," he replies. And he doesn't know. He has no words to explain what just happened.

Ruth shakes her head. "We need to be more careful. I know Rebecca and Laura know about you and me. Obviously. But we shouldn't have been having a snog in your kitchen. Kate's right out there."

He knows she's right, but he doesn't like it. "We can't keep hiding away, Ruth," he counters.

She rests her elbows on the table and covers her face with her hands. "I know. I know, but we can't rush into this."

"We've been leading up to this for five years," he points out.

Ruth lifts her head again. "Your wife left you less than two weeks ago. And in that time, I don't think we've at all taken things slow or really given this much thought."

"You might not have, but I have," Nelson replies. His voice is a slight hiss as he tries to keep himself quiet. He feels very much like shouting, but he's got to remember that the girls are just in the other room.

"You can't have," Ruth argues. "You've been heartbroken and trying to adjust, and you're throwing yourself at me and Kate instead of dealing with your own feelings."

"Why do you think I've been throwing myself at you and Katie, hmm?" he growls. "Because I want to be with you. Both of you. I don't want to be on my own, to live my life alone with out Michelle. Since the day Kate was born, Ruth, I've been torn in two. Trying to be here where I was supposed to be and desperately wishing I was with you. Do you know what that's like? To want two separate lives and then being told you can't have either? Don't you dare tell me I haven't thought about this."

Ruth feels as thought she's been slapped. His words have utterly shocked her, though not as much as Rebecca's before. But Ruth will not back down from him now. She will not let him play the victim here. "And do you know what it's like to be the second choice? To know that I've no claim to you, despite everything between us? I've never pushed you, Nelson, because I wasn't allowed to. Do you know what it's like to be in public with your child and have everyone you know look at me like I'm some kind of dirty secret? Like Kate and me are your terrible mistake? To have to watch you and your perfect wife and your perfect family and to know that we aren't worth even half of that?"

"That's not true."

She cuts him off before he can say anything further, though she can see she's deflated him quiet a bit. "But that's what it is. And now that you're spending all this time with us, how am I not supposed to be reminded that you never would have done any of this on your own? You never in a million years would have left Michelle. You wouldn't have chosen us…me if she hadn't been the one to leave. And now you'd rather cling to a runner-up family than ever suffer on your own."

At this point, Ruth cannot speak anymore. She's already let her emotions get away with her far too much. As Nelson gapes at her, trying to find words, she knows she cannot hear a word of it. She stands up and wipes her face of the two tears that have escaped.

"I'm going to go into town for some shopping. Text me when I should pick up Kate, alright?"

"Ruth, I…"

"We can talk later," she insists. "I just…I can't right now." And swift as she can, Ruth is out the door and in her car.