Hello, hello, guys! First, as this is the first chapter I post this year, I want to wish you all a wonderful 2020 and may you get a lot of shit done and be happy! I love you a lot!

And now, I guess some apologies are in order. It took me quite a while to post, but I wrote and rewrote and edited and reedited this chapter a lot. I wasn't really sure how things should unfold and I got at one point unsatisfied with it and decided to drop it and try something else. I only hope you'll enjoy it. I promised you a little hot scene and that is still happening, but I am not that sure you'll like how it will unfold further. But it seemed right for me for things to go that way, I don't have another explanation. And there's nothing much I can do about it now, the chapter is already out. I can only set things right with the next hot scene ;)

I will try too to set my schedule right once and for all and get back to posting once a week, so I won't have to keep you guys on your toes. But you know how holidays work. It's all about being lazy :) but to be completely honest, I got a little distracted too by some new story ideas

And now to give some other responses

First, thank you for your Christmas wishes!

And Rose2399, Dimitri's reaction to her calling him by his real name was to brush it off. He changed the subject.

He'll still want me in the morning?

DPOV

I wake up hearing movement and incomprehensible sounds. What's the matter? What's happening now? Is she again trying to escape?

I turn to my side and see that she is still in bed. Why is she only sitting up? What is she up to now? And what is she doing with her hands?

I get up too, to investigate. Gosh, I thought that just for one night she would stay put. I thought I tired her enough today, that she would sleep soundly.

But as I inspect her a little more, I understand that there is something not right about what's happening. A lot of things, in fact.

Even though she has her eyes open, she is far away from here. Far away from reality. She is just staring wide-eyed at nothing in particular, as there's nothing on the wall at which she is looking at. But whatever she saw there, it scared her to death.

And if that wasn't enough of a proof that something is not right, she is covered in a layer of sweat, her skin glimmering lightly under the light of the moon.

On instinct, I reach for the lamp and turn it on, then get my attention back to Rose. And seeing her in this better light, I get a little panicked.

Her hair is glued to her neck and forehead, and what scares me the most is the pool of tears in her eyes, them falling on her flushed cheeks.

As I listen more carefully, I get it that she is babbling repeatedly some words as she is breathing heavily, something that sounds like some apologies.

And her hands, that are resting on her lap, are shaking and they're clasping the blanket, just like she would be trying to catch something.

Fuck! How come I didn't realize this earlier? Why didn't I wake up sooner? What if she's like this for long?

And this is way worse than the last time she dreamt that stuff, whatever the hell it is. It's so bad. This is a very bad episode. She never did this while I was supervising her. At least I would have known what I am dealing with. What triggered it?

But what do I do now? Will I even be able to wake her up? The last time, she woke up. What do I do if I can't stop this?

I don't even dare touch her, fearing the way she might react. What if I scare her even more?

"Rose… Rose… Roza."

But my words don't seem to reach her. She is still in her little world, talking to that guy again, apologizing.

"I... sorry…. Mase…. so... sorry… please... don't… leave..."

I get in front of her and decide to act. I am taking my chances here, but I swear I have no other idea on how to approach this.

"Hey, love."

I take her hands into mine and soothe them, and all I get in response is to feel the pulse on her wrist, it radiating through all her palm, or I am just imagining it. But anyway, her heart is beating like crazy.

"Never… before… but… now... please… sorry… didn't know…"

Gosh, seeing her like this, immersed in this terror is killing me. And I don't know what to do to make it stop!

"Gosh, Roza. Please, love. Wake up."

I squeeze on her hands, praying for a response.

"Please don't die on me," she cries. "I can't…"

Even in my desperation, I try to act as calmly as I can. I surely don't need to wake her up fastly or panic as much as she is. It would be no good for her. But how else do I make her snap out of it?

"Please… I need you…"

I pull her towards me, taking her in my embrace, feeling her body stiff and trembling all over.

"Shh, Roza. Easy."

I rest my lips on her forehead and soothe the back of her head, knowing it worked on her when she was awake. I only pray it will work now too. Something has to.

"Easy. Take it easy, love."

She now gets a hold of my thighs, digging her fingers into my flesh, her lips letting out a whine. Good, at least I got a reaction.

"I never knew, Mase," she whispers, her palms gripping tighter on me.

"Oh, Roza."

Who did this to you? Who hurt you like this? What happened to her?

"It's ok, Rose. It's fine."

But this trick doesn't work too well. What if nothing works? What if I can't help her?

I shove my panic at the back of my mind.

No. There has to be something. I'll try anything.

I lean closer to her ear and whisper to her.

"Roza, listen to me. To my voice. Focus on me."

"Please, Mase, please." she gets sobbing lightly. "Please…" she cries and my heart breaks at hearing the hurting in her voice.

I tighten my embrace around her.

"I am here, Roza. Everything is alright. You are safe."

"Mase…"

"Listen to my voice, Roza. Listen to me. I am here, with you. Come back to me. I am here. I am here for you. Feel me."

I take her tensed palms and put them on my face, idiotically thinking that she might recognize my features. But at this moment, I would try anything, no matter how crazy.

"Please, love. I am here. Come to me."

And it works a little, as she stops speaking and her palms relax just a little. She is still sobbing, but at least she is not talking to that Mase guy anymore.

I get up and watch her, to see if the situation got better. To watch her features. And they look slightly better. There's still distress on them, but not as bad as before. And her eyes are now closed. Is this better? Why don't I know how to deal with stuff like this better? I should be prepared for anything. But around her, I don't know… I never know what to do.

As she lets out a whine, I take her hands in mine, bringing them up to my lips and try that talking thing some more.

"It's alright. It passed. You're safe now. Just focus on my voice. Come back to me."

And her hands squeeze back on mine.

"Yes. Come to me, love. Yes. Come back here. Follow my voice."

I can't believe it is working!

"Yes, love. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You're safe with me. Here. Just come back."

I pass my hands past her sweat-slicked forehead, through her hair, bringing her into my embrace again.

Her trembling stopped too, I realize. Maybe I am going the right way. I hope I do.

"You're safe with me."

She lets out a deep sigh, that sounds somewhat relieved, but her features still look like she would be in pain.

"Come on, Roza, goddamnit. Don't do this to me. Wake up. I'll keep you safe. I promise, Roza. Just come back to me. Please. I will protect you. I promise. No matter what. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

And as I keep on speaking softly and reassuringly to her, she calms down some more, and her body goes back to being sleepy heavy and melty and I support her on me and continue to soothe her back and hair.

"It's over, love. It all passed. You're good. You're good with me. I promise."

I keep on looking at her face for the littlest of changes, and I see that she opens her eyes again.

But at least she's being awake for goods this time, thank God. It's over. It's finally over. And it was horrible. How many times did she get through this? Alone too?

Grateful that she is not in any pain anymore, I caress her cheek, and she tilts her head. The second her eyes meet mine, confusion fills her features.

"Wha…?"

She looks down at our entangled bodies and at her hands resting on my chest and pulls away from me fast.

"I um…" she looks around the room disoriented. "What?" she starts passing her hand through her hair, distress filling her once again.

I touch her elbow, trying to catch her attention, but she gets scared. With a gasp, she lifts on her knees, pulling away from me some more, a weird look in her eyes as she gazes upon me again.

"Hey, it's me. It's just me. You're good."

"What… what happened here? What is happening here? And what the hell were you doing?" she gets offended and maybe a little angry because I was holding her earlier. But what other choice did I have?

"You don't remember anything from earlier?"

"Remember what?"

So these things happen to her and she doesn't have any memory of it? And does this mean that she has no idea how bad it was?

"Look, love, you…"

But I see it on her face before I manage to say it to her.

"'Oh, gosh."

She tries to cover her face with her palms, but she stumbles over her teary eyes instead, which makes her growl lightly.

"It happened again," she says mostly to herself.

"Yes, it… did."

She is now looking at the floor, like searching for something.

"Rose?"

She lifts her now again teary eyes. No, no, no. Please, someone, tell me she won't get crying again.

"How…" like I won't be knowing how she is. Why would I ask the obvious? "Are you okay?" I know she isn't, not at all, but I have no idea what else to say and I would say and do anything to make her feel better.

She nods a couple of times, but with each nod, her eyes start spilling more tears. Oh, fuck!

"Roza…"

"I am… fine." she pulls away from me a little more. "I am…" and with a deep sigh, she breaks in tears. "I... don't know. I… I think I could use a hug right now."

Without a second thought, I wrap my arms around her and pull her body closer to mine, holding her tightly as she starts shaking from the crying. She lays her cheek on my chest and nuzzles her nose on me, sniffing it.

I keep on telling her it's okay, that it passed, until she tilts her head, looking at me while she's biting the inside of her cheek.

"God I am sorry… I am sorry… I… never should..." her voice breaks again and pulling away, she wipes the new tears that formed into her eyes.

I stop her and do that too, only gentler, not to hurt her already too red eyes.

"You don't have to apologize, love. For anything."

She shakes her head.

"No. I shouldn't have. Sorry. I didn't realize it. You..."

I have no idea what she is referring to, and I don't even care.

"It's okay. Don't apologise."

"Yeah, sure. It obviously is. Look. I am sorry I woke you up. Again. And thank you. For um... calming me... I guess. Again. And for holding me. I know I shouldn't have asked you that…" She looks away, avoiding my eyes.

Is that what she was apologizing for? Gosh, if she would have needed it, I would have held her for hours.

RPOV

"It's okay, love. Really."

But it's not. I have again given in to his soothing gestures. I have again found comfort in his arms.

"How do you feel?"

I shrug. I have no words to describe how I feel. But I know it is bad. Worse than anything I felt before. I feel this throughout all my body. I feel sick and bad and... And the fact that he was the only one able to make it better makes it all worse. I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't trust him with all this. He shouldn't be good to me. For me.

"Do you think that…"

"That what?"

"That you could tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Whatever you want. About... this… Maybe it will help you."

"Tell you what?" I continue to play the fool.

"Tell me, what happened, maybe? To you. What is happening to you at night. Why?"

Oh, no. He wants me to face and talk about something I am not capable of remembering. Of something I don't want to remember. I can't talk about it. I can't even think about it. Not now. Not for a while. I haven't told anyone about it for so long. Not ever since I decided to try to forget it. To put it behind me. And now he wants me to open up? No.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"That definitely wasn't nothing. You… It wasn't nothing, Rose. It was so much, but not nothing. Tell me."

His insistences piss me off. Can't he understand I can't do it?

"So what if it's not nothing? It's my thing." and I will keep it to myself.

"Rose…" he approaches me with a 'be reasonable' tone.

Oh, but I am far from being reasonable when it comes to this subject. And if he cannot understand it, then I don't care.

DPOV

She swiftly gets up but I don't let her get out of bed. I catch her by her hand and keep her down, sitting her back on the edge of the bed.

"Hey. Come on. Tell me something."

"Yeah, of course, what do you want to know?" she asks angrily and full of sarcasm, and she even rolls her eyes. "I am just in confession mode so I will tell you everything." she wiggles her hand, trying to get mine off. "Just let me go, okay? I am not in the mood for this."

"No. Come on, tell me. It will make you feel better if you speak about it."

"What do you know?"

"I just-" I just want her to feel better. And speaking about it might make it better.

"No. It's nothing."

She looks down at her hand, held by mine, hers now shaking. But this time from anger. How come she got like this so fast?

"I don't want to talk to you. I have nothing to talk to you about. Why don't you want to get it?"

"Because I know what I saw. I heard too. What happened, Rose? Why do you have these… episodes? You told me earlier today about your friend." She didn't tell me his name and I am going blindly here, but maybe I am right. "Is that-"

"That won't happen." she jerks her hand free.

"But-"

"But nothing! Shut up! I told you it's nothing!"

"Come on. Stop denying this. This... this shit is happening to you and it's so bad. Tell me why. Is it about-"

Her jaw clenches, and so do her fists when she pounds them into the mattress.

"What? What do you want me to say?! Don't you know that already, Mister knows-it-all? Don't you already know everything that has been going in my life?!"

"No, I don't know anything. Would I be asking if I'd known?"

And I am telling the truth. I have no idea who Mase is.

But from her face, I see that she doesn't believe me.

"Well, too bad. I am not buying your crap. I hate it when you lie to me so shamelessly. And I am not telling you anything more. Now, I'll go. And don't you dare stop me again, or I swear…"

But to hell if I am giving up. I want to know. I am dying to know what is torturing her like this.

I do just what she asked me not to do. I keep her down.

"No. You're not going away. Not now. Tell me who he is. Tell me what's the matter."

"Don't you dare," she says through her teeth.

"Tell me who is Ma-"

"Don't you dare say his name!" this time her fist aims for my chest, but I dodge her.

"Why?"

"Because it is none of your business!"

"Or is it because you don't want to deal with it?"

The startled look in her eyes makes me realize what shit got out of my mouth. Oh, fuck. I made things worse, didn't I?

Her mouth opens, mimicking the surprise in her eyes, then she laughs bitterly as she pounds her index into my chest, and with each word she says, it makes me feel even worse for what shit I said. I had no right to say that.

"Wow. You're an awful person." I am, aren't I? "You're a jerk, you know that?"

Hearing her sob, I realize that, as she has said, I have been a jerk. I shouldn't have pushed her like that. I shouldn't have said these things to her. Especially the dealing stuff. I know from experience that something like that doesn't just go away in a flash, not even if you talk about it. And still, I fucked up. I don't know why, but around her, I can't seem to find the right words and this is annoying!

"You know nothing about me! You think you do, but, in fact, you don't know a single thing! Just because you have followed me around for God knows how, this doesn't mean you have the slightest idea about what has happened to me! Because you don't!"

"Then you tell me, Rose. Tell me."

"And why the hell would I?" she yells, seeming even more upset by my demand. "Why should I tell you such a thing?!"

Because I want to know everything about you, is what I don't tell her. I wanted to, but the words stopped at the back of my throat. Don't get attached. To anything and no one. Especially no one. First rule. Break it and you're fucked. It starts ringing in my head now, making me not tell her anything.

When she sees I don't speak, her lips curl in displease.

"Yeah, just as I thought." and I can even feel the disappointment in her voice. "So why don't you just go and… and…. Ugh! Go to hell and leave me alone."

When she wants to go away from me again, I act, catching her again, even though I know the consequences of this, and I finally find my words.

"Tell me because… maybe I can do something for you."

"Like what? Maybe comfort me some more? You did it enough. I am not your little damsel in distress. Why would you even want to help me? I don't-"

"Because I am not set against you." when will she get this? "I want to-"

"What? You want to help me?" Yes! If there is something I could do, I'd do it without a second thought. "Save me? I don't want to be your social case!"

"Rose… Don't be like this. It's not about-"

"What are you? Who do you think you are? Some kind of magician? Well, find out your tricks won't work. You won't manage to do shit. You won't make anything magically go away. No one did… No one could… And you either. You're not special..." she looks at me with displease. "You won't manage to do anything. So let me be. I had enough of this."

"Why do you hate me this much, Rose?"

"Because you did this to me! You brought it back! I was good. I was so good…" she sighs deeply. "Before you came along. This thing is your fault... I was good before you came in parading in my life and brought me into this mess…" and once again, she breaks and cries harder than before. "I was good. It all had gone away…"

She bends down in pain as a whine escapes her lips. I pull her closer and she plants her forehead into my chest.

"I was good… so good..."

"Oh, Roza. I'm sorry."

I hold her tight now that she finally lets me do something and I soothe her hair.

"It's okay." I keep on repeating her this and it seems to be working. But just for a minute or so.

"No. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Get away from me."

She pushes me away again. Why is she so hot and cold? What am I doing wrong?

"Don't you do this to me again! Don't you hold me and… and... And give me a break with your concern! I really don't want to be your social case or something. I don't care that you try to seem sympathetic to me. There is surely something you are after and I don't want to be caught in between! Not again."

"It's not that. I am not looking for anything."

"Then what? What could be?"

I don't respond to her again. I don't know why I can't. Honestly. I wish I could tell her all the reasons that pass through my mind, but my lips don't want to move. Maybe it's that fucking rule that keeps them shut.

"Well, from your face, I get it. And the last thing I need is your pity," she says full of venom and pulls her hand out from mine.

Oh, but if she would even know that I don't pity her, not in any way. How could I? She has been through so much and still, she tries to be strong and even finds little reasons to smile now and then. And that makes her so powerful and she is not even aware of that. Not even of how much I love this about her. Her braveness.

Her face is flushed and her red eyes, and again, filling with tears.

"I don't need that…" she whispers.

I should make things right. It's the least I can do.

"Rose, I am so-"

"Save it," she says coldly. "I don't want to hear it, and I don't care. Don't act like you care, like you give a damn. Because I know you don't. All you care about is your little thing."

Gosh, why anything about her can't go right just for once? Why can't I do anything right around her? Why can't I say anything right? Why doesn't she let me? Why doesn't she just gives me a little chance to make it up for it? I really want to. Because I do give a damn. I give so many damns it's driving me insane.

RPOV

And as I want to get up again, he still doesn't let me be. He is insisting on keeping me here and talking to me when all I want to do is be away from him, from the comfort his embraces promise. I need to breathe some clear air. To put my thoughts in order.

So if he is not willing to understand what I have been asking from him, to let me just be alone, maybe I should start showing him.

I am starting to pour all my frustration, all these four months of keeping everything inside on him. And I don't care that he doesn't deserve it, that he is not the one who has caused me all this pain, but he just seems so willing to push me. And oh, that's all I needed to snap and start taking swings at him.

But in my anger, I was too busy with hitting him and not with the defending part too. So it took him a few seconds to get a hold of my fists.

"Stop being like this, Rose. It's doing you no good."

His so I-know-them-all words only make me struggle more, trying to push him off me.

"Go away from me!"

"No. I am not going away until you calm down enough to talk to me."

"I don't have anything to talk to you about!"

And as I try to make him let go of me, I don't even know how, in a matter of seconds, I end up lying on the bed on my belly, with him over me, knees to my sides, my hands pinned on my lower back, police-like, and he's keeping me immobilized.

"Stop it. I swear I don't want to hurt you. But stop struggling. Please."

"Then let go of me!"

"Not until you calm down."

"Not in a million years. I hate you! Get off me!"

"I know you are angry but…"

"Don't you tell me how I feel! You know nothing about me! What do you know? You know nothing! Nothing! Get off me! You know nothing about me!"

"Then tell me," he says so, so, so calm and almost pleadingly.

And he is now so close to my ear, I can't only see him with the corner of my eye, but I can feel his energy too. His calmness, radiating on me, and that simply makes me stop struggling and whimper. He's doing that thing again!

When he sees me not moving anymore, he loosens his grip on me and I turn around under him. I bet that he is not ready enough to completely let go of me. Good thinking of him because all I am thinking about now is fleeing.

"Why would I tell you anything?"

He opens his mouth, but no answer comes. He just looks at me. And still not having one little goddamn answer from him, it makes me even angrier. I just want an answer from him. I want to know why. There is something for what he is so insistent, but he doesn't want to tell me. And it's already the third time I ask and only silence meets my question. So, I can only guess his intentions aren't that pure, right?

I laugh.

"Yeah, just what I thought. Let me go."

He is just as good at pretending as Alex was. But I am not opening myself to such a man twice. They never care. He doesn't care.

"If you want to get an upper hand over me by knowing this, I will never tell you. I won't let you use anything against me." not that anything could hurt me more than his death. But hell, he could try.

"No. It's not that."

"Then why?"

He sighs.

"I don't know, Rose. But just… talk to me, goddammit. Tell me what's wrong. I swear I have no hidden intentions."

"You really want to know?"

"I do. Tell me what's wrong."

DPOV

"Then… it's… you. You are what's wrong in my life. You messed everything! You… you… he messed everything…" she starts crying once more and hastily tries to wipe her tears. "He took away from me everything I have had left after…" after what? That's what I am struggling to understand, but she won't tell me. "And you're here only to end it all. Only to finish… And why do you act like this?! You're not supposed to be like this! You shouldn't be like this!"

" Like this how? "

"Good, goddamnit!"

Good? I shouldn't be good to her? Why would I ever want to be anything else but good to her?

"And get off me! You're only playing with me! And I am done with being treated like that."

She moves fast and before I even get a chance to react, she encircles her legs around me, and in her rage, she uses all her bodyweight to turn me around. And she manages to do that quite well I may say, getting me to lie on my back, and then gets herself on top of me, mounted on my hips, shifting our position into one more advantageous for her. Impressive. She is indeed a quick study.

She is breathing heavily from how angry she is and her palms are resting on the sides of my head, her dark locks falling in waves around us. God, even when she is full of rage she is so beautiful.

"And now what?" I ask very calmly.

Now that she has the upper hand, will she pour her anger at me? I think I'll let her do it if this means she'll calm down and we'd get to talk.

"Now, nothing," she spits at me.

No. Not nothing. If she gets up and leaves, that's it. The conversation is over. And she will still be angry and mad at me and I won't ever know what's upsetting her.

I need to make her let it all out. At least the anger if she doesn't want to speak about her hurting. It will consume her otherwise. It will become unhandleable. I know it better than anyone.

So, even though she might get to hate me more after this, I'll have to push her. I'll live with it.

"So, for how long do you think you can keep me like this?"

Seeing that I don't trust in her capacities, the look in her eyes changes and she shrugs, trying to seem fully in control.

"What? Don't you think I can do it?"

I shrug too.

"Don't know. What if I do this?"

I try to lift my hands and catch her but she moves swiftly, anticipating my move. She gets ahold of my wrists, pinning them down on the bed, pressing and squeezing on them hard, trying to keep them there, digging her nails in my skin in her anger.

But in the process, all she managed to do is to get her face closer to mine and her chest to press on mine. Bad idea, Dimitri.

Smiling, and trying to focus on other things rather than her being so much in contact with my body, I ask her the same question, knowing that if I act cockily it will only get her madder. And hopefully, maybe she'll even hit me or start talking. I think I am okay with both now.

"And for how long do you think you can keep me down?"

I am being a prick. I am asking for it. I want her to hit me. To let it all out once and for all. I'll be her box bag if she feels like it.

She squints her eyes at me, obviously getting madder.

"Don't know. Do I have a reason? Do you plan on trying something?"

"Don't know. Do you? I have a hunch you want to do more to me than keeping me down."

"You know I do. And you know I have a reason why too."

Yes, she does. I have been a complete jerk earlier about Mase.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

RPOV

What I am waiting for? What? Is he letting me do anything I wish? Ha! Good joke.

He is looking at me, like waiting, not trying to do anything to get me off him even though the whole town knows he can. I even start wondering why my ass hasn't already hit the floor.

But as I stare back at him, I can't help but see, despite the arrogance in his voice, the calmness in his brown eyes, the way he is watching me, even though his words are provoking me.

He's again, contradicting to me.

But there is something more. Something past his eyes looking at me like that, something past his words. Something inside me.

Something that starts transmitting to me through our skins touching.

It's the thing that our bodies are more than close to each other's. There's so little space in between him and me that not even a sheet would fit.

We've been touching so much these past days it seems normal to me to be in such a position with him now. Normal and enjoyable. A guilty pleasure.

But now, it's different from the other times. His pants are sitting indecently low on his waist, threatening to reveal more than his hips. And well, as I am mounted on him, through my all of a sudden too thin pyjama pants, I can perfectly feel where the material of his pants ends and where his hot skin starts. Because as I am keeping his hands pinned up, his T-shirt has lifted too. All to the detriment of my rational thinking.

And from all that skin of ours that has been touching all day long today, hell, ever since I met him, something happens inside me. Something that shifts my anger into hunger.

Before meeting him, I thought that the idea of imminent, agonizing sexual attraction was just some bullshit they depicted in movies. But let me tell you. It isn't. It's real. And it is happening to me. It has been happening to me all these past days, each second. And I struggled to resist it.

But lately, I lose my sense of control when I am with him.

"Rose?"

Truth be told, I don't want to have any control when I am with him. I don't want it now.

Now, I just feel the crazy need to lose myself into him. Completely. To forget about myself. About everything that's about the outer world. To let him take control over me. Over everything. And gosh, what would be better than that?

He exerts way too much sexual power over my body. Over my mind too. And I can't stop my urges. Not at this moment. I have been fighting them for too long. And maybe I am tired of that.

All that physical tension created in between us these past days and mostly these past hours as we have been fighting, and all that thing that I always feel in me every time I am around him, when I feel him touch me, today, in this very second, takes its toll on me. And so, all I am thinking about now is that I need to break free from it somehow or else I might go crazy.

And my brain doesn't think straight for a good solution. I can't find a good reason for what I do. It just goes for the easiest one.

The animal part of my brain takes over me and I act on instinct. But deep down, I wanted this for so long and it feels right in this little moment.

Without even a second of thought, I do something I never thought I would. I decide to kiss him, this thought reigniting in me all that I felt earlier at the mall.

DPOV

But she doesn't respond to that, to my tease. At first, she doesn't do anything but stare at me, like lost into her head. Because she didn't even respond to my calling.

But I see her finally moving. And here she is, responding to me. Surprisingly, not with any hit or words.

Because what she does next?

Totally unexpected.

Not that I didn't want her to do this on so many occasions I lost track of, but not in a million years I would have thought she'd do such a thing now.

She lets go of my wrists and slowly slides her palms down on me, along my arms, reaching my shoulders, where she rests just for one second in which she tilts her head slightly, like in a question, right before she brings her palms on my cheeks, taking a strong hold of them.

She pulls me upward to her, then she leans over, meeting me halfway, and places her lips over mine, pressing hard, startling me to my core.

But gosh, doesn't this feel better than I could have ever imagined? The reality of what is happening now is even better than anything I imagined. And my imagination never ceased to disappoint me. Until today. Twice. Each time I kissed her.

RPOV

He stops breathing for a short moment, and that's all the time I have to worry about him rejecting me.

Because soon, he exhales, sounding more like a sigh, and responds to me, his hands moving freely on my body and getting a hold of my hips, pulling me down completely, laying me on him, and gluing my front body to his, not letting an inch of our chests not touching.

As we make contact fully, I let out a sigh and get my hands into his hair, into the attempt to pull his head upwards even more, fulfilling too my desire of learning the softness of his strands. But then I decide to let go of that idea and I let his head lay back on the mattress, giving me even better access to his lips.

And I swear I love every second of it. Once again, his lips feel like they have been specially made to kiss mine, that well they feel and fit against each other. And his hair, God, his hair. It is like nothing I have imagined. I would play with it a day long. But maybe later. Now I am more focused on other things.

I open my mouth, indicating to him that I want more, and he doesn't remain indifferent, tilting his head a little and slipping his tongue past my lips.

But as his hands slowly slip under my T-shirt, gripping onto my skin, making my whole body tremble, he growls lightly and pulls his lips away by turning his head, his hands leaving me too, making me growl now, full of displease. I wasn't done. I think I could kiss him all day long. And why did he stop touching me?

I get up a little and watch him confused.

"Roza…"

He sighs, his thumb walking on my cheek, caressing my skin and I turn my head in that way, wanting to get more of his touch.

"What are you doing, love?" He asks, accent much thicker than usual, his thumb now tracing my lower lip.

What a good question, Rose. What are you doing there?

This right here might have been a warning, should have been a warning for me, the biggest red flag I have ever got in my life. But in the heat of the moment, my brain decides to ignore it completely. As I said, I wasn't done. I want more. I want everything. And he could offer it to me. Now. At this very moment.

"I don't know."

And this is the truth. I don't really know exactly what I am doing, I don't know why I am doing it or where this will get to, but in this very second, I don't give a single damn. Everything I know is that I don't want to stop and that I don't want him to stop either.

He looks at me, still questioning me with his glare, wanting a more elaborate answer, analyzing me, and breathing with as much difficulty as I am.

"You want this?"

He is now slowly advancing with his fingers under my T-shirt, rubbing gently the base of my spine, and just these little touches make goosebumps appear all over my body and my nipples to get painfully hard against his chest.

With each move of his, my body is feeling warmer and more malleable in his hands. And I love it that way. I love feeling this way.

Him going so slow and easily advancing up on my spine is like he is giving me a little trailer of what he could do later. Of what he is capable of making me feel.

And all of a sudden I know. I know what I am doing. I know what I want. I want to feel that. And more. And so, a wave of burning desire washes over me, making me act.

"This," I say placing a peck on his lips, even though I still don't have a clear idea of what this this means. "I am doing this, comrade."

I kiss him once more, getting again a little afraid he'd stop me because he is still looking at me weirdly.

But he doesn't, which only gives me more courage to ask for what I want.

"I want this."

I maintain eye contact with him and I press my lips on his harder, and gosh, he doesn't pull away, but on the contrary.

With a slight growl at the back of his throat that I perfectly feel reverberate on my now open lips, his hands go up further under my T-shirt and he digs his calloused fingers into the skin on my ribs as he calls me Roza once again and murmurs something more that I can't understand.

Then, he changes the balance and turns me around, picking me up and pushing me into the mattress, taking control over me completely and I do nothing to protest. I wanted this. And it feels amazing to not to have to worry about anything. Because he and his hands and his lips are taking care of everything.

And even when he is pressing his thigh in between my legs, on my already pulsing core, I do nothing but welcome his touch with a moan and my fingers intertwine in his hair, pulling him closer to me.

One of the last conscious moves I make is to stop him for a minute to drag his T-shirt off so that I could explore him as freely as he does with me.

I run my fingers on his chest and explore each inch of him, feeling his skin, firm and muscled, somewhere scarred under the tips of my fingers, taking my time to learn each indent on him as he is watching me with those eyes again, alternating that with little kisses on my jaw. I can't decipher all the emotion in them, but I just feel that there is nothing bad. That he wants this as bad as I do.

He pulls away and watches me like startled for some seconds as one of his hands is taking some little strands of hair out of my face. He's looking at me like he's now thinking about something, about something important. He looks like he's soon going to change his mind. I don't want him to do that. Not now when I need him to-

"Rose…"

"Shut up and kiss me harder." to hell with words.

If we start speaking I might be the one changing my mind. And I don't think I want that. Tonight, I don't want to be rational. All I want is him. I want to lose myself into him.

When he doesn't move, I get a hold of his cheeks again, pulling him to me and I lift my head off the bed as much as it takes for my lips to reach his faster and I press them hard against each other.

He responds to me in the next second by pushing me back into the mattress, kissing me just like he did back at the mall, his tongue walking all over mine, and he continues working on my body too, thankfully giving up on whatever he was thinking about saying.

With one hand clasped in my hair, he now heads with his other even further up on my body and he starts touching my breast, unfortunately over the T-shirt. He is handling it with care, his thumb walking painfully slow over my peak, in little deliberate teasing circles, eliciting little puffs from me.

And with each stroke and touch, my mind is getting even cloudier, the blood in my body racing to the parts of me that he is exploring. I swear no one ever made me feel like this.

But that material covering my body is too much of a torture. It is standing between my need and his touch. And it doesn't take me much to transmit him this. Because as I want to get rid of it, I get growling when I realize its hem is trapped in between our hips.

Hearing me and feeling me squirm under him, smiling, he lifts and helps me get rid of that troublesome material. Sliding his palms up on my side body, he leaves me bare in front of him for the second time in less than a day. But this time, I don't care. All I want is to feel his touch on my needing skin.

Without letting many thoughts gather in my brain, sending away the worries of him not liking what he sees, I let myself guided by instinct once more. I round one leg on him and my arms around his neck, pulling his body closer to mine, letting his weight press on me.

He starts stroking my flesh even hungrier than before, as his lips and tongue are tasting my neck, kissing, licking and biting.

And because we shifted positions a little, when he lets himself be fully heavy on me, I get feeling his hardness on my inner thigh.

Just by thinking about it, about some further things, I let to escape out of my lips a needy whimper and in surprise, he pulls his lips away from my neck and even his body away from mine, propping one of his hands next to my head and he's looking at me rather confused.

Whoopsies. Shouldn't I have done that? I didn't mean to.

"You're okay, love?"

"Mhm." I hurry to reassure him.

At least I guess I am. I don't know for sure. He felt kinda… big. Or huge. I can't tell. I am not an expert.

But I try to shake this thought out of my mind. Maybe he'll... fit.

"Oh, Roza."

He looks at me, walks his thumb on my cheek, smiles and then shakes his head before going back to kissing my jaw. What did I do so funny? Did he realize… No. He couldn't have.

Seeing that he didn't get upset, that he doesn't say anything too, I get again daring. I walk my hands down on his body and when I reach his pants, I pass my fingers into their hem, deep enough to feel his hip bones, and I drag him closer to me once again, this need to feel him on me overtaking everything inside me. I want to feel him completely. Forever if possible.

And I swear that I am not thinking straight because not even in my wildest dreams I would have done such a thing, be this daring, but here I am, actually being like this. And I think I like it.

Maybe he likes it too. Because he lifts an eyebrow, still smiling and then kisses me, first biting my lip and pulling it with his teeth and I open my mouth wider, letting him slip his tongue past my lips and God, it again feels amazing. Better than that. Better than anything.

How could I ever even live without his kisses? Nothing could ever compare to them. Alexander's were so dull and insipid compared to his. There was no passion, no magic. No butterflies, no storms starting inside me, no lights sparkling at the back on my eyes. No nothing.

They cannot ever be compared, what am I doing here? It is like comparing a drizzle with a thunderstorm. Alex's kisses were short and well, unpassionate. Bland. But his? Oh, gosh, his are just breathtaking. Heated, intense, eager, wild, and they leave warm sensations behind all over in your body, awakening in me so many carnal wishes I haven't even known ever existed in me. He brings out of me a part I never knew I had.

His tongue is tracing a line on the roof of my mouth, making my whole body feel tingly and more hungry for his touch. Gosh, it feels so good to taste him. And the other way around. The way he tastes me and the way he explores my mouth it maddening. If he is doing so much on such a little part of me, what would he do to all-

But I don't even get to finish my question that he starts showing me.

He starts taking control over every piece of my body, one by one, moving slowly and thoroughly first, but soon, his hand gets moving more eagerly towards the only part of my body still covered, walking past my abdomen, heading further down. And all I can do is sway my body accordingly to his touches, not knowing how else to get the most of them.

My breathing gets heavier with anticipation and I just can't wait for him to touch me more and more and more because I just can't get enough of it. The way his hands handle my body is maddening.

His hand doesn't wait much and traces its way even down on my body, his fingers lifting the hem of my pants and making themselves busy with teasing me, walking left and right onto the hem of my panties, maddening me with desire, pushing me so close to asking him to be done with it already. But oh, the cocky expression on his face is enough to keep me from asking. I won't give him this satisfaction. Yet. If he doesn't stop teasing me soon...

As his hand slides further into my pants and cups my butt cheek, I feel every calloused finger stroking my flesh with growing hunger and growing impatience. Yes. That would be two of us, I see.

Next, he is pulling my hips up towards him, making my hot, soft core feel all of his hardness press on it, making me moan once again.

Okay, I have come to a conclusion. He is huge.

Would you stop thinking about that already?

But still, comparing to the rough touches of his hands, he is sweet and soft with me at the same time, kissing and lightly nipping on my skin, as he's making his way down my neck towards my eager, painful with desire breasts.

This combination of roughness and gentleness only makes me want to know what he might do next. The fact that he is rough and gentle at the same time, starts to be confusing and I start to wonder what really comes next. My brain has a single rational thought in whole minutes and this is it: would he be rough to me or sweet and gentle? I mean, when we… you know...

But my thought gets interrupted by his hand, gosh, his hand that is reaching now to the front part of my body, sliding over my panties. And it doesn't take him much to reach his destination.

That feels amazing, feeling his fingers reach my… Oh! That feels so good.

My whole body arches towards him as one of his fingers has slipped in between my wet folds, and even through the fabric of the panties, he has first reached a weak spot, making my whole body shiver and I let out a sighed moan as I let myself relax completely under him.

Who would have thought sinning feels so good? Because he is….oh, gosh, he is… him!

I realize what I am doing. What is really happening. And with who I am doing it. With him. With the Russian. With the bad guy!

And out of nowhere, as more thoughts gather in my mind for once in a very long time, I start to hate myself for the way my body has responded to him. Because the pool that has started to form in between my legs with each touch of his hands on my body is only getting wetter and wetter and I know now that this is wrong. That I shouldn't be reacting like this to him. That I shouldn't like anything he is doing to me. That this shouldn't be happening at all.

With an obvious, long delay, my brain finally starts signaling me that I am doing the wrong thing.

But still, startled by pleasure, my neurons don't function enough for me to pull away. They just guide my body to continue doing what I have been doing for the past minutes, to moan and sigh and let out sounds of pleasure and push my flesh against his palms and lips and fingers, gosh, his fingers that continue to touch me, slowly stroking me in a circular motion.

He goes down a little and explores my wetness, then, moves slowly upward, and soon enough, he again presses on that spot that makes my body feel weak in so many ways, but gosh, it feels so good. And so, so wrong at the same time. But is it that wrong? What if… I just let him do it?

But I still can't make my body pull away from him, not even to take a break and think things through. It is not cooperating with me at all. Only my mind is against it. Or confused, whatever.

My body, on the other side, has already made its mind and it goes completely mush under him and I part my legs even more, involuntarily, inviting him to do more, wanting just to feel more of that pure pleasure he is willing to give me.

In my head, I am desperately trying to tell him no. To tell him to stop. Or to slow down. To tell him even why I think we should take things a little bit slower. I don't know! To tell him something.

But oh, my body just keeps on telling him yes when he strokes on my nub again, responding to his touches against my will, against what I know should be right. And soon, my mouth does that too, betraying my brain when I open it for something else than moaning.

"Oh, yes."

DPOV

Her smooth lips falling open at the tease of his tongue, welcoming it inside, was all I could dream of. More than I ever dreamed of. And it has already happened twice today.

But seeing her want more? Hearing her say it, at first, I thought I was dreaming. But feeling her body and lips pressed on mine, I finally understood that everything that's happening is more real than ever. That her need for me is just as big as mine for her.

And that thought took me into a frenzy and all of a sudden, there was not enough time for me to take in all of her, to taste, to bite, to tease, to please. And fuck it, the sounds she makes are enough to bring a man close to exploding. At least that's how I feel now. And I didn't even get to slip my fingers inside her panties yet or to do anything more. And I still have so many other things I want to try, to feel with her.

And now when she arched her back to ram her crotch against my fingers, it took so much from me not to forget about any manners that I struggle to keep and rip all the clothes off her and take her on spot. Can you imagine what she'll do when I take things further?

Not letting my thoughts wander, I fight to regain control over myself, to take things slow, or at least a little slower, but it is so hard when I find her wet, warm and wanting at the tips of my fingers. Her panties and trainers are soaking wet and she pushes her hips upward slowly but firm, grinding against my moving fingers. And the sounds she makes at each of my strokes, man!

And to hear her so eager with that "yes" she let out, God, keep me steady because that simple word fills my mind with all kinds of ideas about what this night might develop into.

Did I mention that as she is grinding against my hand she is painfully creating a slow friction on my too swollen shaft? Because she is and it's crazy that she has gotten me so hard and I haven't even gotten all of her clothes off, that I haven't felt all of her.

And I am so drunk on her that I would be capable of pleasing her all night long, making her get louder and louder and so many other things. If that training session didn't tire her enough, what I have in mind surely will.

RPOV

You would think that the pleasure he brings me now might make me lose it completely. But oddly enough, that doesn't happen. On the contrary.

Once my brain started thinking, it is unable to stop and it only makes me fight with myself harder. And as more thoughts pile up, I panic. Big time.

He decides to put the teasing aside and as his lips gently place kisses on that big, ugly, purple spot on my ribs, his hands are busy with untying the little ribbon keeping my pants on me.

What the hell am I doing here? I can't give myself to him! What the hell was I thinking?

Oh, gosh, but I want him so bad. Would it be that bad if I'd have sex with him? I don't think so. Hell, I am going to die soon anyway. What if I have a little fun? What if I enjoy myself for once? What if I don't die a… you know.

Should I, at least, tell him if I let him take things further? Should I let him take things further? Do I want him to take things further?

Why wouldn't I?

Why would I?

And here he is, ribbon undone, his fingers creeping again under the hem of my pants, starting to pull them down, reminding me of how sweet he was yesterday when he did the same thing.

Think, Rose, think, goddamnit!

Should I find a way to get away from under him? Or to tell him I need a second?

Why? Do you plan on letting him have you?

No! Yes. I don't know! But as long as his hands are on me, I can't focus!

Can I tell him what's bothering me?

And if I tell him, will he push me away or not?

What if you don't and just let him do it? He has already gotten your pants low enough to see about everything. Why even bother to say something now?

Ugh. What if he figures out I have been lying to him? That I didn't tell him? He is good at this stuff. And he'll get mad. And he'll definitely push me away then.

But if I tell him, will he be okay with it? Will he laugh at me? Alex did when I told him. For minutes.

So how can I tell him that? I can't. He'll react just the same. They're both alike after all.

But what if he isn't? What if he won't push me away if I tell him?

He had slid down towards the end of the bed and is now pulling my pants off me completely, and I still haven't made my mind.

I know I want him but… will he want me still after I tell him? He'll still want me in the morning?

So stupid of me to think this. Of course he will not. He is not here to bond for life. What do I mean to him anyway more than a booty call? I will become yesterday news to him in the very next second he is done with me.

Gosh, how could I be so stupid to think this would ever work? I am not the woman he is used to. I can't be that. I want more. And he can't offer it to me.

DPOV

"Comrade…" she growls loudly and digs her fingers into my forearms as I come again on top of her, over her gorgeous, almost completely naked body.

"Stop."

I barely hear her say something else into my mouth, through the haze I am into as I kiss her once more, I am not even sure she even said something, I guess I imagined that. Maybe she just moaned.

But do I stop to even check? No. Because my dick simply decides it has priority over my brain and nothing else matters because all I know is that I want her worse than I ever wanted anyone in my life and she keeps on proving me that she wants me too. So how could I stop now?

I pick her leg and round it on my torso, spreading her legs a little more and position myself in between them and let myself again get heavier on her, my hips now feeling the hot, smooth skin of her inner thighs.

RPOV

Oh my God! No, no, no! It shouldn't have happened like this. Things degenerated too fast! I can't do this. Things have been taken way too far. I told him to stop, but he doesn't want to listen.

What do I do now? Tell him again to stop? Maybe he didn't hear it well enough the first time. We were kissing too. Or he was kissing me as I was too preoccupied figuring out what I want from him. Which is too much.

Act, idiot! Act already or things end up bad! He is already heading for your panties! Do it, whatever it is. NOW!

"Stop, goddamnit!"

I unclench my hands from his upper hands and reach them down fast and catch his, stopping his movement and digging my nails hard into his flesh as I pull it out of his way down my body, hoping that the pain I bring him will make him stop. And thankfully, it does.

He lifts his head from the crook of my neck and watches me surprised. Rather confused I would say.

"What's wrong, love?"

Yes indeed, Rose. What's wrong?

"This. This is wrong."

What I am doing may be wrong too, this seeming like I am playing with him, but I can't back down now. I can't offer him so much of me when I will get only a night from him. I can't put my heart through this.

Plus, I can't bear the thought of him mocking me and rejecting me and telling me he doesn't need me. So I am going to be doing it to him. Maybe it's the best thing to do. I don't know what else to do. I am messed up big time.

"It's a mistake," I barely whisper.

And I get angrier on myself for reacting like this rather than explaining to him the reason I freaked out, but gosh, I pour all my anger on him because it seems to be the easiest way out. And it's his fault a little too. He didn't stop, which made me freak out even more.

"And don't you dare kiss me!"

I say that while catching my breath and trying to push him off me, but he doesn't move, just watches me, probably trying to figure out what went wrong. And the truth is that nothing he did was wrong. It's just me that has been an idiot around here from the very start.

He has been nothing but tender to me, his touches so welcomed by my body. But I can't shake that bad feeling that he won't like me anymore as soon as he is done with me. Because what he could possibly want from me? What can I offer to him anyway?

He raises an eyebrow and props one hand next to my head, watching me now like I would be insane. And hell, maybe I am.

"Rose, you were the one who kissed me first," He says rather amused than angry.

I did, didn't I? Oh, God. I am indeed fucked up.

"Then you shouldn't have responded to that!"

At this, he laughs to my face.

"Why wouldn't I have?"

"You shouldn't have." I keep on insisting on that without a good reason. I don't have a reason for many things that happened în the last minutes.

"But what if I wanted to?"

His question startles me. I do nothing but blink a couple of times as I process it. He really wanted to kiss me.

But hell, he wouldn't have wanted it in the first place if he'd knew what I am hiding from him. I know it for sure. It's too much of a complication. I am too much of a complication.

He is still the one speaking as I can't find anything to tell him.

"You seemed to want that too. You told me that. Did I get it wrong?"

No, he didn't. I got him wrong. I stupidly thought… what? That he'll love you? That he already does?

His hand gets on my cheek and I feel that he wipes a tear of mine from there. I didn't even realize I started crying.

"Roza… Tell me what happened to you. Did I do anything to you?"

That name again! No! I won't let it make me lose my mind again.

"Did I take things too fast? Would you like me to slow down? Did I-"

"No. Stop. I want you to stop. Stop messing with my mind."

I pull my face away from his gentle touch, before I do again something stupid.

"And get off me! Now!"

I just need to get away from all this goodness he is showing me now even though I am such a bad person now. He's still good to me and I have been nothing but a neurotic, bipolar bitch. How could I not hate myself for this? What if I got everything wrong? Too bad. There's no coming back now.

"I beg your pardon?"

"What didn't you understand? Get off me!" I say even more panicked. "Now! Get off me now!" I rush to say and pull away from under him.

With surprise and confusion still glued to his face, he gets off me, up on his knees, lifting his hands too, like defensively.

DPOV

She gets up too and puts a T-shirt over her chest, to get covered.

All I can do is laugh, shaking my head. I can't believe what's happening. But what is really happening? I don't know because she won't tell me!

"You are crazy, Rose."

I don't even know what I have done wrong this time. Because of course I am the one who fucked up again. I wonder how. But guess what? She is not telling me!

But what I have unconsciously let escape out of my mouth annoys her so much, her face getting even more flushed.

"I am crazy? Me? Hell, no! You are insane, comrade. Crazy! Have you seen the things you do on a usual day?!"

And I swear I can't keep it together anymore. I have been on the edge for far too long.

"Maybe I fucking am, Rose! But you're the reason I am crazy. Now too! And ever since I met you, gosh!" I growl at the back of my throat, trying to temper myself. "You do so many fucking things to drive me insane, Rose." and I have no idea how to deal with that. With her. With me around her.

"Look, comrade," She snaps at me. "I don't know who you think I am, but I am not letting you have pity sex with me or anything. I might have kissed you first, but you shouldn't have taken advantage of that. All because I feel like crap and you have caught me into a vulnerable moment and saw the opportunity to take me to bed. Just because all these things are happening to me, I am not going to give in to you, thinking you are my hero on a white horse. You won't take advantage of me."

What? What did she say? Is this what she thinks I was doing? Hell, if I wanted that, I could have done it last night and be done with it. But that's not what I want from her. I don't want anything from her. I want her.

"I won't let you. I am never going to fall for your shit. Never. I don't need another Alexander, Xavier, Whatever-his-goddamn-name-might-be experience in my life ever again! I don't need all this again! I don't need you to complicate my life!"

I can't tell her anything in response. I just watch her startled.

She will never change her opinion about me. She still thinks I only want to do bad things to her, no matter how much I try to show her the opposite. She only sees me as a copy of Haynes. Why did I even bother? I'll never be something else to her.

"You all think that all women have been created just for your fun and enjoyment, so that you could use them and then get rid of them as you wish."

"Yes, Rose. That is exactly what I believe." especially not about her. But why bother explaining? She will anyway understand whatever she wants.

"Well, find out that I am not on earth for any of your pleasures. It's just something new for a guy like you to have a love affair with a woman like me, so different from the others, so different from the ones you are used to getting involved with. On a usual day, you wouldn't even take a second look at me."

She's right. On a usual day, I wouldn't have. But I did look at her a second time. And a third time. And a fourth. And I always liked what I saw. Each time I look at her, I always find something new to fall in love with. And I would continue to look at her all my life. Only if she wouldn't think the worst of me.

"So now I am just some story material for his buddies. Hey, guys, you'll never believe this weird chick I banged. Guys like you like the new. Until they get bored with it and throw women away like yesterday's news. Well, I don't want to be your new. I don't want to be your exciting. I don't want to be your anything!"

But what if I want her to be my everything? Not that it would matter to her. She would never believe me. Or at least not now. She is too dead set against me.

RPOV

"Whatever," he puffs and pulls away some more.

His indifference only makes me angrier. So I was more than right. Now that I am not into it, he doesn't care anymore.

"Whatever? Is this all you have to say?"

He almost storms my way but stops midway, his jaw clenching.

"And what the fu-" he stops again to take a deep breath in, calming down the storm I see in his eyes. "And what do you want me to say, Rose? Tell me. Tell me what you want me to say and I will fucking say it!"

"I don't know." that you wanted me to be more than your new, your exciting? That I was wrong? "Something! Something more than whatever!"

He laughs some more.

"What? Am I being funny?"

"Yeah, you really are, Rose. So goddamn funny. You know why?"

I don't respond. I have a hunch.

He leans in closer to my face and I don't have the time to pull away, I just gasp and hold that breath in as he speaks so close to me, staring deep into my eyes.

"Because you kissed me first, Rose," he says and I could swear that I almost hear hurting in his voice. "Do you remember that? Why? Why did you do it if you knew I only wanted to take advantage of you?"

I remain speechless. I don't even have an answer for myself at this question. All I know is that I just did it.

"I could have done it last night too, right? Because you were drunk out of your minds and more vulnerable than ever and maybe you wouldn't have protested."

He is right. I wouldn't have. But he didn't do anything I wanted him to do to me. On the contrary.

But I can't let him win this.

"But maybe you did. Maybe I don't remember everything. Maybe you lied to me."

Hearing my answer, his expression goes dark.

"I didn't."

I know. His words keep on ringing in my head each time I look at him, now louder than ever, but I try to brush them away. I want you, Roza, but not like this. If you still want me in the morning…

Oh, gosh, what am I doing? What have I done?

You are keeping yourself safe. You know how he would have done in the morning. What is it so bad at trying to keep your heart safe? Don't let him mess with you some more.

I open my mouth to say something but words don't come out. I don't know what I could possibly say to make things better.

"And you know what? You didn't give me a heads up. You didn't ask," He says sarcastically and the cruelty in his voice breaks something in me.

I fist my palm and pound it into his chest, pushing him away from me and I get off the bed.

"You are…"

"What? What am I?" he provokes me. "A bastard?"

"A complete jackass!"

"Oh, another adjective. Good for you, love."

There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body, and he is capable of getting on every one of them.

"Gosh, and to think I was so close to letting you take... Ugh! Go to hell!"

I turn around to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you."

"But this conversation isn't done. You still-"

"You're right. But I don't care. I am done with you! I am done ever speaking with you!"

But does he let me just go? Of course not. He has to have the final word. Always!

"Rose?"

I stop mid-step like struck by something.

"What now?"

"That's my T-shirt."

I look down to see what is covering my breasts and I see it's indeed his.

"So?"

"I would like to get dressed."

With each word he says, I get boiling with anger.

"You're kidding me."

"Am not." he again got that cocky attitude on. Why did I think he could be more than this?

I continue to watch him hateful, with my jaw so tight I almost feel it close to snapping. But he doesn't give up on that.

"Fine. Whatever you please, you bastard."

And without any shame, or at least I am trying not to feel ashamed for having to get again close to completely naked in front of him, I get that T-shirt off me and throw it at his face as hard as she can, but of course I can't produce any damage.

Then I bend, take mine and put it on as fast as I can.

And before I break in tears, showing him that he has gotten to me, I turn around and head to the bathroom.

I grab the doorknob all that I want is to get out of here, and I manage to open it just a bit before he extends his arm right over my head and glues his palm on the door, closing it.

No, no, no!

I am again so close to him, for a couple of seconds, just some little eternities.

Sighing deeply, he comes hovering over me, behind me.

Why isn't he letting me be? What more is it to say?