So when things get too tough

And your chin is dragging on the ground

And even down looks up

Bad luck heh heh

Chilly down - David Bowie

Chapter 22: Even down looks up

-AMANDA-

The wind was knocked out of her as Amanda hit the ground at speed. She retained enough momentum to skid her some distance across the sand, chin scraping the ground as she came to a stop. Rolling onto her side, she struggled for breath.

Her skin felt like it had been rubbed vigorously with sandpaper but that was better than the sensation of being flayed alive that the wind had caused moments before. Her ears ached. Stretching her jaw there was a pop and her hearing cleared. It was quiet now apart from her ragged wheezing. Had the storm stopped?

Through the face cloth, she could only make out lighter and darker regions around her. Using one finger, she tugged the cloth below an eye, rapidly blinking in the bright light. The air around her was free of sand. Yanking the cloth down to her neck she gulped clear air trying to convince her diaphragm to stop spasming.

Once it did, she croaked out, "Logic," through her dry throat. There was no reply.

She pushed herself up on one arm and groaned. God, everything hurt. Amanda turned her head, her neck twinging in protest. There were twelve standing stones, groups of three capped with lintel stones. Interspaced between them were a wider-spaced pair with no lintels, probably entrances. The air was an opaque red between the stones.

Logic was nowhere in sight. She pulled on the link between them and sensed nothing. Fear slithered down her throat taking route in her belly. "Logic, where are you?" she shouted desperately.

With the face cloth obscuring her vision, she had long ago lost any sense of direction. Fortunately, the deep impression she had left in the sand made it obvious where she had entered the circle. Amanda sat up and staggered to her feet, ignoring, as best she could, the complaints her body made. She limped over to her entry, unable to suppress a whimper of pain every time she put weight on her right leg. While both knees hurt, the right one had swollen to half again its normal size.

When she made it to the stones, she leaned against one resting her weight against its side. From here, she could see the red haze was the sand-laden air flowing around and above the stones. The occasional glimmer as a larger piece struck revealed the translucent dome that protected the stones. A mindshield.

Logic had promised safety here and the mindshield blocked the Storm. But why was Logic not with her? He must have been close to the shield to throw her within, why hadn't he just walked them through or at least followed after? Had he become lost in the Storm? If he was hurt or worse...she cut off the thought. Logic was alive, he had to be.

"Logic," she shouted, her voice cracking. Her heart clenched further as no reply followed. "If I can't hear the storm, he probably can't hear me," she consoled herself, forcing down the panic. She would just have to go out and find him, that was all.

Amanda reached her hand towards the barrier but hesitated when the hairs on the back of her hand stood up. Adenkar had made it clear that touching a mindshield without protection was unwise. What if it harmed her, or let her out but not back in again? It had been bad outside, she had to test it carefully.

Ready to withdraw at a moments notice, Amanda tapped the mindshield with a finger. Expecting resistance, she was surprised when her finger passed easily into the barrier. There was a tingling sensation across her skin but nothing worse. As she pushed her hand through the barrier, the wind tore at the exposed skin. She drew her hand back equally unhindered. Amanda considered her options. Stay and hope he would make it here himself or go and find him?

If Logic was here, he would advise her to stay where it was safe and not to risk herself further. But that was the problem, he wasn't here. Something must have happened to prevent him from reaching safety. Some reason why he had thrown her rather than make the last few steps here. If he was badly hurt or unconscious out there, he would not make it in on his own. She couldn't leave him out there. Decision made, Amanda pushed off the standing stone and limped through the barrier.

The noise was deafening. Sand stung her eyes and poured into her nose and mouth. Amanda threw her hands up over her face. A strong gust of wind unbalanced her causing her to step back onto her right leg. The knee crumpled under her full weight and she fell backward through the shield. Hitting the sand hard, she lay there and coughed. Tearing eyes did little to clear her vision. Amanda sat up and wiped her eyes only for them to burn worse. She stopped touching them to avoid grinding the sand in any further.

How could she have been so stupid? She had forgotten her face cloth. Untying the cloth from her neck, she shook it out and rewrapped it around her head. While she could barely see anything through the cloth she couldn't keep her eyes open out there anyway.

Walking upright in that strong wind would not be possible either. Rolling over to her belly she half crawled, half dragged herself along the ground. Pulling with her arms and pushing with her good leg she passed through the barrier again. Ignoring the pain of her right leg dragging through the sand as best she could.

It wasn't much better outside with the mask. Sand blasted painfully against her and she kept her eyes tightly shut against the stinging grains that found their way through the cloth. Amanda took shallow breaths keeping her face down and out of the full force of the wind.

Hands outstretched, she patted the sand in front of her and then angled her body and arms to either side to check there. Not finding Logic, she crawled forward, searching to each side of her before crawling forward again.

The combination of noise, heat, thin air and being pelted by sand and grit quickly became overwhelming. She was already light-headed and she's only been out for a few minutes. Thunder rumbled close enough to be heard over the wind, sending a shiver down her spine.

Her condition would worsen the longer she was out her, she could not hope to survive out here for long. How far should she go out, how wide should she be checking? She was blind out here, it would be all too easy to miss him.

Desperately, Amanda sought the link with Logic again. Emptiness. Through the cloth, she saw a bright flash of blue light to her left. Amanda crawled towards where she thought the light had come from. The sand underneath her increased in temperature as she crawled, burning her palms and knees. It wasn't long before her outstretched hand found a mound of sand rather than the flatness she had so far encountered. Pushing her hand into the hot pile, she felt hair. She had found him!

With her cupped hands, Amanda scooped away sand from around his head, throwing it to the side and letting the wind take it. Working around his body, she pushed off the mounded sand, pulling his limbs free. He lay face down, his arms by his side as if he hadn't even tried to stop his fall. A tiny blue light flickered from his left wrist as she released his arm. She reached under him and managed to flip him so he was face up. He was too heavy for her to lift and pull, she would need more leverage.

Crawling up to his head, Amanda swung around so she sat with her legs towards him, feet braced against the ground. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms under his shoulders and hauled him towards her. She groaned with effort though the wind drowned her out. Her bad knee screamed at the strain but Logic was dragged slowly back to her. Ignoring the bloom of spots in her vision, she gritted her teeth and continued pulling till he was in her lap. Taking a couple of long breaths she scooched back and pulled again hauling him back in the direction she had come.

Or at least, she thought it was the direction she had come. Unable to see anything but a red haze, she tried relying on touch only to find the Storm had scoured away any evidence of her passing. Best guess then. Hopefully, she was heading the right way.

After three times shifting him back she was gasping, unable to get enough air. Each subsequent time it took more effort to drag Logic towards her and longer to recover before she could pull him back again.

Surely she had come back much further than she had travelled out. Had she somehow missed the stones and travelled passed them? There was no way to know if she was even travelling in a straight line.

A wave of dizziness overwhelmed her as she was pulling Logic and she toppled sideways. Everything hurt. She was too exhausted even for tears. If she could just rest for a bit everything would be better.

A flash of light, followed by a boom a few seconds later startled her out of her near doze. She couldn't stop here, she couldn't. She must get Logic to safety.

Amanda forced herself to sit up and pulled Logic towards her. The shelter had to be right behind her. Yes, that was it, it was right behind her. Her vision went black. The world tilted before righting itself again. "Don't pass out, don't pass out," she whispered to herself head bowed so she touched Logic's laying in her lap. The dizziness settled to a slow spin. "One more time, come on Amanda, move. This will be the last time. Just move."

As she leaned backward, her back hit something solid. A wave of relief washed over her. Shifting around the pillar she tugged diagonally to bring Logic with her. She leaned back, her head and shoulders tipping back through the shield.

Reaching up with one hand, she stripped the cloth from her face and took a deep breath of the best air she had ever tasted. The world stopped spinning.

Using the stone for support, she got to her feet then grabbed Logic under the arms. Lifting his torso, she groaned as she used her full weight to pull him through the shield and into the small amount of shade from the nearest pillar. She sank ungracefully to the ground next to him. Forced burning eyes open she looked over him and gasped.

Green blood trickled from his ears. Sand was embedded in his bleeding skin. There were burns and scars in the form of Lichtenberg figures. He wasn't breathing! She fumbled at his neck for a pulse. She couldn't find one but that didn't necessarily mean anything; Vulcan blood pressure was incredibly low. But if he'd been struck by lightning his heart would not be beating properly or perhaps at all.

Amanda cleared sand from his face and mouth before beginning rescue breathing. "Heart where the liver is," she reminded herself, beginning heart compressions at twice the rate for a human. "Breathe damn you. Breathe! Come on, Logic, please just breathe!" she begged raggedly. Tears rolled down her cheeks and then fell onto his face. She tasted salt when she breathed into his mouth again.

Logic choked. Amanda leaned away and tilted him onto his right side as he coughed up sand and dark blood. The hacking cough stopped so suddenly she cried out in terror.

"Logic," she rasped. "Logic, please wake up," she begged. His eyes didn't open, but he took a breath, then another.

He was breathing! Unconscious, gravely injured, but alive.

Relief gave way to utter exhaustion. She flopped down next to him in the shadow of the stone, her front against his back. Her fingers brushed against his, down his wrist to a once beautiful gem. The shattered stone flashed a faint blue under her fingers. "I have you," she whispered. "Stay with me."

She needed to get help. Her muscles twitched as she tried to rise and she felt the last of her strength leach out of her, her eyes closing against her will.

Reaching out with her mind, she sought her connection with Sarek. She could not find the proto-bond. The link to Logic remained silent but something similar stuttered to life. "Help," she murmured, her voice barely audible. "Sarek, help." Darkness rushed her.

- THE WARRIOR -

Warrior sat bolt upright, vertigo overwhelmed him. He waited impatiently for the nauseating spinning to stop.

The surface he was on was soft and warm. A mechanical beeping issued from behind him and hums emitted from several other points around him. Nothing appeared to be an immediate threat. As the room steadied he identified the biobed and medical machinery, the healing ward in biocontrol.

Warrior accessed his condition. All of his armour was missing, he wore only a cloth tied low over his hips. A long green scar puckered the flesh across his chest and smaller scars lined his body. His right arm was severed above the elbow but the end seemed to be sealed cleanly. That was surprising.

Why surprising? His brow furrowed as he pondered. It was not the loss of the arm that was unexpected but the fact that it was not bleeding. How long had it been bleeding for him to expect it? His left hand clenched around something so gossamer it was nearly intangible.

Puzzled, he opened his hand. Silver light shone out. 'I'm coming, I'm coming,' the light promised.

This message was important, a reminder. He gazed at the light and listened to the voice again. The voice was familiar, special. It was, she was...this was a memory of his k'diwa.

The revelation sparked others. He was awaiting her arrival and would lower the mindshield when she came. It had to be kept up until then because -?

He could not remember.

Warrior stared at the silver light, his brow furrowed. An image of a small human woman flashed before his mind's eye. She had been at the breech in the mindshield, claimed familiarity but he had no memory of her. And yet and yet -

"I'm coming," the memory in his hand promised. This was her voice! His k'diwa had the same voice as the woman at the breech.

"No," he shouted in horror jumping to his feet. The panel behind him beeped insistently. Warrior's legs trembled and he leaned back against the wall to prevent himself from falling to the floor.

"I need you," the memory continued in Sarek's voice and Warrior clenched the tormenting light tight in his fist. Her reply emerged muffled, "-mmm comm-ng."

His k'diwa had come and he had commanded her to leave. He had sent her away. Warrior pushed himself along the wall his legs trembling with the effort of supporting him. He must find her and beg for her forgiveness, for her to come back.

There was a whoosh of a door sliding opening. A moment later the Healer aspect was by his side guiding him back to a seated position on the bed. Warrior resisted but did not have the strength to stop him. Healer reached up to touch the panel above the bed and the incessant beeping ceased.

"You should not be out of bed," the Healer admonished running a scanner over Warrior's body. "We just stabilised you. Any extraneous motion could reopen your wounds and utilises energy better spent on recovery."

"I must find her," Warrior growled. "She left because of me."

"Amanda did not leave," Healer soothed, pulling a hypospray from a bag at his hip. There was a hiss against the Warrior's shoulder as the hypospray deployed.

Warrior closed his eyes as more recent memories returned in jumbled fragments. The rescued memory, found too late. Pain and blood and fear. Left behind while others attempted to fix his mistake. His wounds taking their toll. A painful tightening in his side, his heart rate slowing. Knowing his failure warranted this end.

But Healer had said Amanda had not left. Warrior opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Healer's. "They found her then, she did not leave? Where is she?" Warrior asked, squeezing the memory fragment.

"She did not leave," Healer repeated patiently. "She is beyond loyal, Warrior. Even when we were dying, she would not leave me though it could have meant her life. She has insisted on continuing to bond, though she has been informed of the risks to herself and knows the chances of our recovery are poor. She travels with Logic, Will and the Beast now. They seek access to the bonding nexus."

Warrior let out a sigh. How they had earned such devotion? He brought his fist up against his chest.

"What is in your hand?" Healer asked curiously. "I removed your armour to have better access to your injuries but you resisted opening your fist."

Warrior opened his fingers and the silver light spilled out. "The only memory that remained of her," he replied forlornly, head bowed.

"That is no longer so," Healer disagreed, placing his hand on Warrior's shoulder. "Our memories of her were retrieved."

"Why can I not remember her then?" Warrior demanded, his head snapping up as he captured the silver light in his fist again.

Healer raised a brow considering as he ran a scanner around Warrior's head. "What of your personal memories?"

"They are incomplete and I recall them in fragments," Warrior admitted with a scowl.

"Not surprising considering your level of injury and the damage to the Memory Halls," Healer replied. "My own thoughts were also disorganised when I first regained awareness. A healing trance and medical assistance from Healer Adenkar allowed me to recover enough to be functional. I recommend you rest. If your memories do not return on their own as you recover, I can assist you in reconnecting."

"Do it now," Warrior ordered, his hand clenching around the enclosed memory fragment.

"That is unwise," Healer reproached his expression stern. "You are yet weak." Healer pushed Warrior shoulder back towards the bed but Warrior resisted.

"I sent her away because I did not know her. I failed in my purpose," Warrior bowed his head in shame. "I need to know what has happened, I need to remember so I do not make such a mistake again."

"You are not at fault, Warrior."

"I forgot her!"

"We all forgot, Warrior, our memories were stolen. But from what Will shared with me, you were the one who recalled enough to seek the truth. The memory you hold was what sent the others after her."

"But I was the one who sent her away!" he bit out through a clenched jaw.

"Warrior, if Amanda and Adenkar had entered the mindscape at that time it is probable the events would have resulted in a less optimal outcome. They found and released the Beast who in turn led them to me. The mind tendrils T'Rel bound us in would have drained us until there was nothing left. The memories of her would have remained hidden. Amanda has since entered the mindscape. Other aspects guide her where she needs to go and they will protect her. Concern yourself with your own welfare and let the others watch over her. If you do not rest, you will not heal."

"Do you not see that I can not. Since the first time we met, our k'diwa's protection has been my primary function. Her welfare supersedes mine." The desperation pinched Warrior's face. "I need to be able to protect her, how can I do that if I don't know her? Help me remember," he pleaded.

Healer's expression softened. "Very well, I can see you will not settle without this." Healer pressed his fingers against the Warrior's cheeks. "Remember," he intoned.

When T'Rel had ripped each of them from the psyche she had shattered that which held them together. The return of unity with another aspect was comforting for both of them. They shared their recent experiences since they had been separated.

"While present when the memories of Amanda were returned, I was in a healing trance. Healer Adenkar shared this memory with me. It should trigger your recall." Healer explained before bringing forth what Warrior needed to see.

Their k'diwa sat on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and other aspects who lay stunned. Golden light rushed past her towards the forgetting, then burst into a riot of colours. The light played over her skin, illuminated her hair. She glowed.

"My lady, Amanda," Warrior whispered in adoration. "Ashal-veh." He remembered her, all of her. A laugh spilled out of him, his joy unable to be contained. More memories followed, so many more. His body trembled under the barrage even as he eagerly drew more to him.

"You must rest now," Healer instructed, his hand shifting from Warrior's cheek to around his shoulders. Healer guided his shaking body down to lay on his side, then lifted his legs onto the bed.

Warrior turned to lay flat on his back and opened his fist. Expecting silver light, he was surprised to instead find a large blue gem laid on his palm. He rubbed the rounded disk with his thumb.

A recent memory surfaced. He was at the breach in the mindshield, searching the mind of the woman who had no shielding of her own. The feel of her thoughts and emotions were so familiar. It blended with other times he had sensed her. Each time Sarek's mind had brushed across Amanda's, Warrior's desire to protect her had flared. These memories too now resided in the gem.

"A memory stone," Healer exclaimed, startling Warrior from his reminiscence. Healer stroked the gem with one finger. "Fascinating! It specifically contains memories of your aspect's interactions with Amanda. If you will allow me." Healer picked up the stone. Warrior flinched, the sensation of Amanda dissolving. He grabbed Healer's wrist with a growl.

"Just one moment, Warrior, I will return it." Healer focused on the stone and then allowed it to drop between his fingers. The stone was now rimmed in silver and a silver chain spooled out through his fingers. Warrior let go of his wrist and Healer took the chain and looped it over Warrior's head, the blue gem resting on his bare chest.

The growl died in his throat. Wearing the chain made the gem part of him. Even if the Hall of Memories was raided again, these would remain with him. He would not forget her again.

"Now rest," Healer ordered.

Warrior's eyes closed, his fist clenched around the gem. The memories of his Lady Amanda soothed him as he let go of his corporeal form.

His thoughts drifted for an immeasurable time until a now familiar mind reached out. Eagerly, he grasped her mind, a tenuous connection forming between them.

"Help! Sarek, help," came her exhausted cry. Flashes of memory followed: the Storm, Logic near death, a ring of standing stones. The thoughts were cut off abruptly.

"Amanda, My lady," he called, but her presence was gone.

He recognised her location intimately; the place of Koon-ut kal-if-fee. What was Amanda doing in his territory? Certainly, she was welcome, but it was not the bonding centre. And how had she encountered the Storm? She should not have been brought anywhere near such danger.

No matter, he would resolve this. "Have no fear, my lady. I will save you," he vowed. Warrior's eyes snapped open, the memory stone on his chest blazing and bathing the healing ward in bright blue light. The Healer stared at him.

"Where are my armour and lirpa," Warrior demanded as he stood, ignoring the lingering pain and weakness of his body. When the Healer aspect just continued to stare unmoving, Warrior walked over to him, grabbed his shoulders and shook. "Amanda is in need. She has called me, I must go."