Chapter 25
The walk back to the waiting room was draining on Janet's five foot three frame. The weight of the day was catching up to her as the adrenaline was running off like waterfalls. Opening the door, she allowed herself to sink into the nearest chair. Daniel didn't bother standing to greet her. Whether lacking the energy himself, or sensing her need for a personal moment was uncertain. He still looked as though he was processing everything. And to be honest, she was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that her best friend wasn't there anymore.
Dead. Sam was no longer here. It was a surreal fact. She had outrun the reaper on several occasions. So much so, rumors swirled that she was invincible. But in the end, she really was only human. Janet's mind wandered to the moments that seemed to play on a constant loop. The moments of trying to bring keep Sam alive, keep her warm. The doctors pumped cycles upon cycles of blood through her, but as quickly as it entered, it seem to leave. The machine monitoring her heart flatlined and sent a pang into Janet's own heart. Time was of the essence and Dr. Fraiser pushed Janet to the background and took action. The baby was still viable, but only if they safely removed her from Sam's dying womb quickly. The cries that filled the room, chased away the heavy hearts that settled on the room like a dark cloud. In a world of darkness, Janet knew this baby would be the one salvation, their saving grace.
Snapping out of her reverie, Janet took in her two friends. Teal'c sat on the questionable carpet, seemingly doing candle-less kelnoreem. He didn't appear to be completely connected, and Janet suspected it had very little to do with the missing element to his meditation ritual. Taking everything in, Janet allowed her eyes to close. But what she didn't allow, was for the tears to begin flowing as freely as they did.
She flinched in surprise at feeling Daniel's hands on her shoulders, carefully guiding her up. One look, and she collapsed into his embrace, breaking down finally. Sam was the sister she never had. They had leaned on each other for so much and for so long.
"Why did this happen?" Janet asked between gasps, "What do we do now." Daniel continued to hold Janet, soothing her the best he could.
"I don't know. But we have to be strong. For Jack. For Sam's baby." Daniel spoke, his voice just as shaky as Janet felt in his arms. This didn't compare to anything like the last time when they thought Sam was missing on a different planet. At least with that, there was hope. Now it is all gone. The only slight ray of light was Sam's tiny baby girl.
"I am planning on focusing all my foreseeable efforts into aiding in the care of Baby Carter, including whatever assistance that O'Neill may acquire. I believe that is what SamanthaCarter would want most from all of us." Teal'c's voice broke forward. They all stood silently, no more words could be found that were suitable to fill the void.
Down the hall, the still shell-shocked man stood in the same place he was two hours ago. He had carefully laid the blissfully unaware child back in her incubator. The nurse told him that since she was pre-term, she had to spend as much time in her crib as possible to lessen the risk of infection that she would be exposed to.
Jack thought back to when Charlie was born, a whole lifetime ago. He was a preemie too. Sarah was so good with him. She seemed to know exactly what to do, and exactly when. He worried about everything, from the tiny burps he would have after being fed, to even the lack of burps he didn't have after being fed. Funny, he would be the one that would have all the answers while Sam….would never get the chance to know any of it.
His hand involuntarily clenched in anger. Part in shame. It hadn't even been 24 hours and he forgot she wasn't alive? He hated that he even allowed himself to feel the tiny sliver of joy that holding his daughter, when she was now half orphaned. These were irrational thoughts, Jack knew that. But he was a very irrational person a majority of the time.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. It took him so long to even entertain the idea of finding someone that he wanted to start a life with. And if it hadn't been for Sam, he doubts he would even have wanted to ever have another child. But the second he had seen her, he saw stars as cliched as that sounded. And as much as he hated those, it was what actually happened. The more he thought about it, the more he realized the two really were like star-crossed lovers, modern day Romeo and Juliet. Only instead of families pulling them apart, it was the military.
And like his luck with fate and her sick twisted sense of humor, everything was snatched away from him before he even got to experience happiness. Sam was the ray of light he had in a world of darkness and despair. He didn't think he would get plunged back into that darkness so violently. He felt like he was being waterboarded and it would never stop. Jack looked around, almost as if he was really seeing for the first time since he got in the room. Other parents were surrounding their children, fawning over their newest bundles of joy. They were so happy and carefree. Blind to his own pain and suffering. How dare they be so happy, when Sam wasn't alive?
The smiles and warmth in their eyes suddenly made his stomach feel queasy and the room felt as though it would cave in around him. He got up and made for the door, he felt like he needed some air. Walking down the long hallways, he kept walking until he broke free from the constraints of the four walls that would forever mark the worst day of his pitiful existence. He inhaled deeply for the first time since Janet told him he would never see Sam again. Still, he felt suffocated. Still, he felt lost.
Jack was sure this was when time stopped. Nothing held consequence anymore. Whatever happens is insignificant. As his thoughts began to snowball into even darker directions, he shook his head, and exhaled again. He can't think about this anymore. The more he thought about this, the more that he knew he would be lost to the abyss. No. He had been there before, and Daniel was the only one who brought him back. But this time, there would be no return. It would have been a one way ticket. And Sam's baby didn't deserve to be completely orphaned. From that point onward, Jack refused to focus on anything but the baby's needs. And first call of business was to stop calling the baby "baby" or "Sam's baby." Thinking back to previous conversations, they had never really settled on a name. Not strongly at least.
Like a whisper, the name Grace came to him. The name fit her like a glove the longer he thought about it. Because she would be the only thing able to save him. He was sure Sam would have loved it without a doubt. Taking another deep breath, he swallowed his resolve and returned to the hospital with a renewed mission.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed, if you did...please review. If you didn't, let me know why. Apologies for the short chapter, I feel like a little bit of sad goes a long way.