Authors note: Not sure if I lost some of ya because of the longer break between updates. Only two chapters left after this one. Hope yall hang in there and let me know what ya think.

It was mid-afternoon when the Quinjet carrying Captain America, Ironman and the Black Widow arrived at the Avengers tower after an exhausting morning of debriefing with SHEILD after the destruction of one of the more complex and sophisticated Hydra strong holds in Eastern Europe. Director Fury expressed his concern in a very matter of fact tone regarding the gruesome scene left behind by the former Winter Soldier and demanded the Sergeant be grounded from field missions until given a complete psychological re-evaluation by SHEILD's Psychiatric team. This meant that after only three months of active duty, Sergeant Barnes would have to submit to yet another 5 day intensive observation at a secure facility. The first one had taken several months for Bucky to get comfortable and confident enough to allow himself to be subjected to an array of psychological tests and assessments of his mental stability. When he had returned to the Avenger's tower, he had acted unfazed and brazenly confident in the face of his team mates but in private he admitted to Steve that it had been terrifying and not something he would ever volunteer for willingly.

The Captain had assured his friend that as long as he felt in control of his own actions and could choose how he responded to the world around him instead of deferring to Authority figures or displaying any other Winter Soldier protocol behaviors, he would be considered mentally competent. However, Steve had emphatically refused to accept that Bucky should be allowed to fight on missions against known Hydra forces. He begged the man he loved to work as a consultant with SHEILD intel or to go and assist with relief work on any of Stark industries many foreign aid missions. James Buchanan Barnes had argued that Steve's fighting style was just as reckless and self- endangering as it had ever been during the War and even before as a punk in Brooklyn. For that reason, he needed to watch his friend's back and fight alongside with the other Avengers.

Now, less than 2 years after he was rescued from Rumlow's order to kill himself, Bucky had reverted back to the mentality of the Winter Soldier and gutted a man who had tried to manipulate him. Steve felt both relived and disturbed by Bucky's actions just as the others had but his main concern as always was how this gruesome, violent outburst affected his best friend's mental health and what it meant for his still developing sense of self.

Steve walked with heavy steps toward the apartment he shared with Bucky, the two Soldier's moving out of the medical suite almost a year ago just before Christmas. It was a private east wing suite with a large balcony that had a jacuzzi and view of the sun rise over Central park. The Captain entered the apartment and knew instantly that Bucky was not there. He had grown accustomed to coming home after a mission and Bucky instantly putting on a record, something old and soft, the melody coxing Steve to relax and put down his Shield and all of his defenses. The two soldiers had made a routine of ordering food from Toney's personal Chefs, taking a long hot shower, eating every bite of the gourmet meal, and then spending the rest of the day or night in the hot tub on the balcony or in bed together. It had taken a major adjustment for Steve to force himself to take time off, even for just 24 hrs to unwind before throwing himself into the next press briefing, SHEILD meeting, mission or any assortment of activities that demanded his attention immediately. Sam, who had unofficially appointed himself as Avengers Mental Health Advocate, had told him that taking a break after a stressful battle was a good thing for all of the Avengers himself included. After the past few months of Mission: Take it easy, as Bucky had jokingly termed there private decompression routine, Steve was certainly in agreement.

The Captain set down his Shield and backpack by the door before heading towards the shower.

"Jarvis where is Sergent Barns right now?" Steve asked with a tired voice as he entered the bathroom and began stripping off his uniform.

Sir, Sergent Barns has been in his personal Gym for the past 4 hours. He has requested to be left alone.

"Of course." Steve grumbled as he placed his under armor in the laundry shoot and then stepped into the large shower, turning on the hot water. In truth Steve could not fault Bucky for needing to be alone and working through whatever flashback or programming had triggered him to act with such horrific aggression. He had watched the surveillance tap on repeat in the plane ride back until Natasha and Stark had refused to let him continue. He had seen the footage first from Director Fury and Maria Hill as they debriefed after the mission. It was their first time witnessing the unleashed brutality of the Winter Soldier's handy work firsthand, having only seen corpses before.

The Captain felt sick to his stomach as he watched his best friend, the man he loved, charge toward the Hydra Officer who was hastily shouting the trigger words over a loudspeaker. The Sergeant tore through Hydra guards with lightning speed as Hawk Eye tried his best to following Bucky's blind rage with back up shots to cover all the Hydra guards on upper levels taking aim at the rampaging former Asset. The Winter Soldier had slammed his metal fist into the reinforced glass of the observation both over and over as he screamed a mix of Russian and German cries of rage until it gave way and leapt through the shards of glass. Instantly his metal hand was wrapped around the target's throat, lifting him into the air. Bucky was growling as he plunged his largest serrated knife up between his victims legs and began sawing up through the man's body who was screaming and begging for mercy. Clint landed in the observation room but froze in momentary shock before backing up, bow drawn low in a defensive posture as he watched the gruesome execution. The Winter Soldier was spitting curses in every language as he sawed his blade through the man's abdomen and up through his torso before finally cutting strait up through the sarcophagus and then out with brutal force. He continued to hold the writhing man in the air by the back of his head as he watched the panicked eyes bulge, blood pooling to the floor. When at last the chocked gasps ended Bucky through the body with cry of hate, slamming the deceased man's face into the metal floor with such force every bone was smashed. He then stood up, breathing heavy but silent as he cleaned his blade using the man's silk tie. He tossed it at the dead man with a grow and walked away toward the shattered glass he had just exploded through. Clint had kept his distance, bow still lowered but ready as he called out to Bucky, using every version of his name he could with no effect, the Soldier moving with a steady, calm pace, no hesitation or pause of recognition that he even acknowledged Hawkeye in the room. Barton was left shaking his head as he used the com device to alert the others that the Sergeant 'had flipped his switch,' the term Tony used to refer to Bucky's dissociative states that had been no longer an issue, or so they had thought.

As Steve dried off and changed into lounge clothes, he grabbed his phone and texted Sam.

-Has Bucky been seen by the Doctors?-

He stared hard at his phone in the vacuum of silence within the empty apartment, feeling a hollow ach in his chest as if Bucky was gone again.

-Yea, Doc mandated minimum two weeks off and recommends remote R & R.-

Wilson texted back as if he had been waiting with his phone ready. Steve considered the reply and instantly thought of ware he and Bucky could go that would be safely away from other people and could serve as a restful and relaxed environment.

-Pepper suggested Beach house on private Island. I Bet Barnes would go for that. -

Steve thought about the suggestion and wondered if Bucky would be willing to go or if he would be stubborn and insist he was fine. Steve ruminated about what he would do with a sulking, angry and defiant James Buchannan Barnes on a secluded island for two weeks. His phone buzzed again, and he looked down at Sam's third text after no reply from the Captain.

-You good man?-

Steve stared at the text for a moment and then swallowed.

-I'm fine. Bucky is in his Gym.-

Steve understood the purpose of Bucky's personal Gym and didn't want to violate his need for privacy. The Gym was three connected rooms that served as Bucky's safe place, where he could go when he needed to be alone. Bucky had been struggling to voice this need for seclusion as he was worried Steve might feel like he was shutting him out or pushing him away after months of spending almost every moment together. The Lead therapist on Bucky's team had invited Steve to join for a session where she encouraged Bucky to express his need for privacy and time alone. The Captain had understood that as Bucky began to remember more of himself, his sense of dignity and pride would certainly be a source of discord and he might feel embarrassed about his past behavior when he was still trapped in Hydra programming and willing to submit unconditionally to Authority figures

It was his need for space and seclusion from other people including Steve, a place he could go to fall apart and then regroup when feeling overwhelmed that lead to the personalized gym. In the main room was an assortment of wights and exercise machines in one are, punching bags in another and targets he could hit and fight with pent up aggression, taking out his anger, hatred and pain safely on inanimate objects. There were two doors from the main room, the one on the right was small and dimly lit with padded walls, thick carpet, pillows, blankets and a large, memory foam filled chair that Bucky could curl up and hid deep within. In this sanctuary room Bucky would remain either in silence, with music or with a projector playing a loop of recorded footage of Steve and himself from the War time movie reels. The room on the left was a large bathroom with a jacuzzi tub, shower stall, steam room and Suna. Bucky spent many sleepless nights and difficult days in his private gym but there had been an agreement that no one, including Steve would disturb his solitude unless he had not voluntarily consumed any nutrition or water in 12 hours as monitored by Jarvis. Steve felt a spike of annoyance as he knew that he would have to wait at least 8 hours before he could go drag Bucky away from his isolation.

-Want to come up to my floor? Lunch?-

Sam offered, already aware of the time frame Steve had agreed to and how restless this often made The Captain. Steve sighed and made himself agree, realizing it was almost 3 pm in the afternoon and he was hungry. He texted Sam back be there in 10 and then looked up and spoke to Jarvis, a habit he had yet to break.

"Jarvis,… has Bucky eaten since he got back to the tower?"

No Captain, he has been drinking water however, he has expelled most of his liquid intake throughout the day. He is not in immediate danger of dehydration at this time. I will continue to monitor.

Steve swallowed and nodded, reminding himself that he had agreed to give Bucky his space and that his questions and need to know what happened during the mission had to be second to whatever Bucky was dealing with. It had been less common over the last few months for Bucky to get physically sick after nightmares or flashbacks and he had been managing to extract himself from social situations if he felt a panic attack emerging.

James Buchanan Barnes had always been a proud, dashing young man with a cocky bravado in the face of whatever forces were set against him. Steve knew that Bucky had always put on a brave face even when he was feeling worse for ware and he hated for people to see him sick or vulnerable. He had even tried not to cry over it one drunken night when they were just kids who didn't know how to drink yet. Bucky had thrown up on a girl's shoes when he spun her too many times on the dance floor. The girl had shrieked, and Bucky had staggered out the crowded dance hall with Steve right behind him grabbing their coats. It made Steve smirk slightly as he recalled Bucky sniffling and hiccupping on Steve's fire escape clutching with both hands a glass of water as he pouted about how embarrassed he felt.

In some regards Bucky was recovering more of himself then Steve had dared to dream was possible during those first few months of deprograming Hydra's Asset. Steve knew the other Avengers and even the Psychiatric team were genuinely impressed with how determined Bucky was to push himself forward and reclaim his independence from Hydra's conditioning. But Steve had always known that the Winter Soldier's resiliency and stubbornness, despite manipulation by Hydra, had always belonged to his best friend, a man he had admired since childhood.

Steve's head was consumed in thought as he stepped off the elevator and stopped abruptly as he was greeted by Clint and Sam who both took in his startled expression and exchanged looks.

"I was coming by for lunch." Steve stated and pointed at his phone as if confused why they were standing by the elevator.

"Well you never texted anything back so we decided to come by and check on you." Sam shrugged and clapped Steve on his back, pulling him toward the open apartment door.

"Nat's making some kinda weird Russian soup." Clint offered as they crossed through the doorway into Sam's apartment within the Tower.

"It's not weird,… you just can't pronounce the ingredients." Natasha fired back with an arched eyebrow as she stirred a soup over the stove. Steve stat heavily in a chair, and smiled with a nod of thanks when Sam handed him a cold beer. The two other men took seats at the table and Natasha continued to stir the soup as she quietly waited for the three men to discuss the plane ride back to the Tower with Sergeant Barnes.

"Nat said Fury wants SHEILDS Psy department to do another assessment on Barnes before he returns to active duty?" Sam stated but with a question for Steve to open up about all the thoughts racing in his mind. The Captain looked over at Sam for a long moment and then looked down at his beer and nodded.

"We watched the security footage from inside the Hydra bunker." Steve sighed and looked up at Clint who nodded as he sat back and took a swig of his own beer.

"Yea,… not gonna lie, freaked me out a little,… was pretty gruesome," Client shook his head and took another sip, clearly trying to think about how to carefully express himself given the sensitive nature of the situation. "But...I think that guy probably deserved it… and then some,…" Steve looked at Clint and then over to Sam who was watching Steve's face as the Captain considered the statement and the possible implications.

"Bucky knew him,…. Remembered him…?" Steve asked and Sam nodded as he crossed his arms. Steve swallowed and looked at Clint and then again at Sam.

"What did he say?" Steve's voice became a low, calm tone that was underlined with authority. Sam whipped his mouth and looked at Clint for a moment and then back to Steve.

"He said the guy was scum and deserved to die,… And then called him a rich pervert,… Said the guy was running Human sex trafficking operations in east Asia and Eastern Europe to entertain Hydra's investors." Sam stated simply. Steve thought about the information and felt a nauseous pit in his stomach as his mind made the connections for him, the same way Sam and Clint had when questioning the Sergeant's violent reaction.

"He stabbed him in between the legs….." Steve whispered and his jaw locked as he closed his eyes. He breathed threw his noise as he felt Sam rest a hand on his shoulder.

"When I asked him about that,… he had a flashback and I thought he might dissociate again,… with a knife in his hand." Sam explained and Steve's eyes shot open and he looked at Sam and then at Clint with obvious concern.

"Nothing happened Cap,… but I had a tranq dart ready,… and he knew we could see he was on the edge." Clint admitted and Steve sat back with a heavy sigh shaking his head.

"This is why!..." Steve pushed away from the table and stood up as he ran his hands through his hair and paced. "This is why I knew he shouldn't be on any missions against Hydra!... I knew he could get triggered!..." Steve hung his head as he pinched the bridge of his noise. "Damit Bucky." He swore low under his breath. Natasha squeezed his shoulder and he turned toward her.

"Steve,… you can't protect Barnes from what Hydra has already done to him. Let him work through it and fight against their control… He will never get better if you don't let him face it the way he knows how." Natasha nodded and Steve shook his head in frustration.

"Natasha I can't let him go berserk on missions when he could pose a danger to himself or our team." The Captain gestured toward Sam and Clint for emphasis.

"What If he hurt Clint in that Bunker or If he dissociated on the plane and thought they were Hydra?...It's not just about Bucky's deserving his revenge… Being an Avenger means more than that and I can't except the risk that he might lose himself out in the field when we are counting on him." Steve reasoned with an exacerbated tone.

"Man Steve,… This guy has been on 9 missions with us in the last three months and countless missions before he could even think straight or remember his own name. He might have some setbacks like today, but that doesn't mean he can't handle himself in the field." Sam challenged and Steve continued to shake his head.

"Sam,….." Steve swallowed and put his hands on his hips as he let out a deep breath.

"Bucky will never be able to admit if he is feeling unstable or if he is struggling,… he will always grin and bear whatever the situation is and keep going even if it kills him!" Steve exclaimed and Natasha shrugged as she commented.

"Something you both have in common." The Widow pointed out and Steve huffed as he turned away and then offered his own shrug and sad expression.

"I can't stand by this time and watch him suffer through this like I did during the War. I have to protect him, even if it's from himself!" The others exchanged looks with each other before Natasha grabbed his hand and lead him back toward the table.

"Just eat something and stop trying to convince yourself that you can ease the pain of the past by controlling the present." She accepted a hot bowl of soup from Clint and placed it in front of Steve.

"Take it from a girl raised by the Red Room, the pain never goes away, but taking control of your life, and what decisions you make,…" She smiled and pat his shoulder before she sat next to him and accepted another Bowl from Client who clearly was ready to get lunch started. "That is the only way to move forward." Steve sighed again but took a spoonful of soup and closed his eyes as he let the rich broth sooth the nauseous ach in his gut.

End Note: Next Chapter is angsty and then the last one is sexy.