Sorry for the wait. Business, laziness, the usual mix delayed this chapter, but also some thought, so don't worry. I wasn't being completely unproductive. But yeah, let's hop to it!
"I'm sorry to ask you to meet me out here. It's close to the place I applied to work, and I need to go back soon."
"It's fine," Snake assured as Kurapika took a seat beside her on the bench. A warm, late summer breeze blew through the emptying park. The pooling red in the sky warded off those who had enjoyed the day, and those who thrived in the dark had yet to emerge. A lingering smell of gasoline wafted in from among the buildings surrounding the green.
The blonde looked different from the last time she'd seen him. Yes, the crimson light of sunset was responsible for the slight discoloration of his hair, but it was certainly shaggier than during the Hunter's Exam. His clothes were different, too, but he generally looked more...mature. Perhaps it helped that he'd developed his Nen.
"So you passed the second Hunter's Exam, too."
"The second exam?"
"Learning Nen. You mean you didn't know?" When she shook her head, he asked, "But you've clearly trained… Did you know about it before the exam?"
"Yes." A second part of the exam about Nen. That fixed the problem she'd noticed before of most applicants being Nenless.
"I see. Did you learn it for your job?"
No, she hadn't, but rather than dredge up more questions that would wind up being personal, she instead lied. "I did. In some cases it helped get me hired, and in others I was the only one who could take on a Nen user when they appeared, although it didn't happen often." She ran a quick eye over Kurapika. Although there was strength hidden under his strange clothing, his lean physique didn't exactly scream 'hire me to protect you'. Hers never had, either, because although she'd taken on security jobs and taken her work seriously, those jobs were more a means to an end rather than the goal themselves. "Work wasn't your motivation to learn, though, was it?"
"You can tell?" The boy sat straight, his hands resting formally on his knees. "No, it wasn't. But you were also lying to me when you said it was yours, so forgive me for not explaining myself fully. My motivation is something only I need to concern myself with. I don't want to drag other people into it."
"Understandable."
The two fell into a short silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, though. Each fostered a quiet appreciation for the other's non-prying nature in their hearts. Even when Snake had called Kurapika and asked if she could visit him, he hadn't so much as alluded to wondering what had happened with her and Illumi.
During their silence, Kurapika's eyes grazed over the bag she had sitting by her feet. He broke the quiet to ask, "So, where are you planning on staying while you're here?"
"I usually don't stay places unless my employer provides it."
His grey eyes widened in surprise. She hadn't paid them much mind the first time they met, but now she couldn't help but be reminded of Illumi's darker, more...entangling orbs. Looking at Kurapika's, it was almost as if Illumi had been severely diluted. The gaze was still hard, but there was a notable softness to them. Something about them was reminiscent of the delicateness that Blight treated her with when Illumi had hurt her.
"Where do you sleep, then?"
"Usually it's rooftops. They give ample options for escape, provide a wide berth of vision, yet are out of the way and secluded. Although I'll sleep wherever I feel comfortable doing so."
"How long are you planning on staying in Yorknew?"
"I don't know," she replied, shaking her head. How long? She hadn't even thought of it. She only came in the first place because she was at a loss about what else to do.
"You should get a hotel, then," Kurapika suggested. "It'll be good for you to have a place to come back to and rest. I could be wrong, but I think you could use that right now." The smile he offered was also soft. Not superfluous, not without care, but soft. It was so strange. Uncomfortable, but not aggravating.
She didn't exactly agree with what he said, but for some reason, she felt that if he thought it would be good for her, he might not be entirely wrong. Except, "I don't have a credit card. I'd rather not continuously withdraw money from my account when I can simply stay on the roof."
"I'll pay for it," he said, standing. "I have what my client requested in order for me to get hired, so I won't be short on money, and if you don't want to owe me you can pay me back all at once when you're done staying. It's convenient for me if you're around, after all, in case I have questions about working as a bodyguard."
"...You could just ask me over the phone."
His smile turned a bit sheepish, and a small laugh escaped him. "You aren't making this easy on me, are you? Honestly, I think I need to do a good deed right now for my own sake, so will you just let me help out a friend?"
After a minute of turning it over in her head, she picked up her bag and consented. As they walked out of the park, Kurapika searched on his phone for reasonable hotels nearby. She wasn't exactly picky, so it wasn't hard to find one she would accept. He went ahead and booked her room as they headed to it.
When they arrived in front of the hotel, they said their goodbyes, and he left to go to the meeting he said would get him officially hired. Snake went inside and checked in and got her key. A couple flights of stairs later, and she slid the key into a door's lock and went inside. She set her bag beside the television. There, she paused.
Kurapika...was a good guy. He'd been hardened, but he was still kind and generous. He had a quest. Even if she didn't know what it was, she was sure it was just. Just like her quest to kill Illumi had been.
She covered her face with her hand. Kurapika was the real deal, though. His intentions were true. Meanwhile her intentions...she knew it would benefit humanity...but set up against Kurapika, she could somehow feel it. She'd never truly had the heart of a hero. She had reveled in her quest. Kurapika felt stuck in it. Like how she'd gotten stuck in Illumi's plot.
Illumi...he'd shattered her facade as a hero. She'd always known her love of death was distinctly unheroic, but she hadn't let it get to her. All the better, she'd thought, to be able to enjoy the bloodshed of killing the evil. The wasting, the inevitable lure of death…
Beneath her hand she could feel the smile on her face.
Sure, she liked to play the hero. That was true, even now. But did she really care about who lived? About justice?
...No. Not really.
But now that she'd admitted it, what was she supposed to do? She had supposed she'd just stay with Illumi. He was a god of death. Being with him was a guarantee that she'd be able to bathe in others' decay. He'd proven it with Blight's dramatic exit, and Ignatius' haunting rotting. He even orchestrated it so that she could be to blame for it. So that she was the cause of it. He was like the grim reaper, the puppet master, utterly untouchable, utterly powerful.
Then he vanished. There wasn't even a hint as to where he had gone. Yet he left her alive, for some reason. If he wasn't going to use her, then why? Because her hair was the same color as his little brother's? It couldn't be. Back then, other than the fact she'd seen him, he had no reason to kill her. He hadn't been trying to hide the fact an assassination had occurred. This time he was, which meant she was a liability to him just as much as the woman who'd temporarily escaped. Did she have some kind of use like that Hunter?
By now her smile had faded. But what was she supposed to do? She could ponder all day on why Illumi left her like that, but she doubted she'd come to understand. More importantly, what was she supposed to do now? She could go back to playing the hero, she supposed, but that option seemed so dull now that she'd experienced what it was like to truly chase and dwell with death. Sure, her original desire to be a heroine had come from existing within death in the first place, but this was the first time she had been able to bask in it, and it had been better than she'd imagined. She'd be a fool to deny that she wanted more, so could she really go back to what she was doing before?
So what choices were she left with? Be the villain? ...After so long of trying to be the hero, that idea still didn't entirely sit right with her. With Illumi around to make her a villain, that had been one thing. On her own, her distaste for abandoning her role was reignited. She had known what she'd wanted, and he had ruined that. Yes, there was something else she wanted, something Illumi clearly capitalized on, but she could hardly just cast aside the dedication to the role she'd chosen. Not only that, but even if she wanted to act the villain, she wouldn't know where to start. Her only motivation would be death, but she refused to be indiscriminate. That man Ging's words still pestered her.
She was not some wild beast.
For the next few days, she hardly left her room. She exercised, ate, slept, and thought. Occasionally she'd receive a text from Kurapika concerning conduct in regards to the job he secured, or asking how she was doing. He only actually met with her once, on the morning after he'd paid for her hotel room. He had wanted a quick run through on the basics since he had in fact gotten hired. The meeting had been brief, and sober on both sides.
And then she stopped hearing from him entirely.
On the second day of his notable absence, she was finally ready to leave her room. She'd had enough of thinking. Clearly, she wasn't coming up with answers on her own. She didn't want to contact Kurapika, though, until he contacted her. He was probably occupied with something important. But, well, she couldn't stay cooped up any longer. She pulled on a blouse, a skirt, and her beloved boots, stuck her phone and license in her skirt pocket, and went out.
She wandered. The sun was high overhead, the day plenty warm, and yet the city still bustled with pedestrians. Normally she didn't like being swamped with people, but at the moment she didn't particularly care.
As she walked, she stared at the black screen of her phone. A dark reflection of herself stared back.
Then, she sensed that someone ahead of her had stopped in her path, and she looked up.
Before her stood a grimacing Killua, who clicked his tongue when she met his eyes.
"What're you doing here?"
I probably won't update again before Christmas, so Merry Christmas, my dear readers! I hope your holidays are full of love, joy, and most importantly, presents! And hot cocoa. And food in general. Anyway, the idea is I hope everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and Christmas Eve! I'll catch you guys again afterwards. I promise to update at least once more before New Year's Eve hits!