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Jess comes in several hours later, shutting the door louder than is necessary and sitting unsteadily on the bed.
"Hey," Rory says cautiously and Jess glances at her.
"Hi." He doesn't go to kiss her but Rory can tell he's drunk. Silently, he kicks off his shoes, unshrugs his jacket and pulls off his pants before lying beside her. Rory waits for a moment and then asks, "Where did you go?"
"Out," Jess says simply. "Bar."
"Did you have fun?"
"Oh yeah," Jess says sarcastically. "I'm about to start a party."
"Jess -"
Rory sees her boyfriend roll to his side and, before she has the courage to finish her sentence, he snores, signalling the end of any conversation that night.
Jess sleeps in late the next morning. Carefully, Rory eases herself out of bed, almost tripping over the shoes Jess left out, before making herself breakfast. Usually she drinks her coffee in bed but today Rory has it at the counter, looking out of the window. The sun isn't out but Rory can tell it's a hot day. The warmth is already creating an oven inside, stifling the small apartment. Jess is still asleep as Rory drinks the last of her cup so she goes to shower and, upon turning it on, releases a loud yelp.
"Ah!"
"What is it?" Rory turns around to see Jess slowly enter the bathroom, rubbing his eyes sleepily, and in response she points at the murky water.
"The water's broken!"
"Probably rust," Jess says simply. "Like before."
Rory waits, and after Jess doesn't elaborate, she exclaims, "Can you fix it?"
"Luke fixed it."
"Do you know how he fixed it?"
"I'm not sure."
"We have to figure out something!" Rory says frantically, staring at the water and then at Jess. "Clean water is kind of imperative, don't you think?"
"What do you want me to do?" Jess asks. "I've got one hell of a hangover!"
"Get Luke to come fix it!"
"No," Jess says sharply. "I want to fix it myself."
"So fix it!"
"I don't know how!" Jess exclaims. "Jeez, Rory! I'm not a plumber, are you?"
Rory tries to keep calm, drawing some breath. Lorelai would know what to do. Rory can remember her fixing some problem with the sink, wrench in one hand and manual in the other. Lorelai always fixed it, or got Luke to, and now it seems both those options are out. Rory has never attempted to repair a pipe but has a suspicion it wouldn't go well.
"Someone needs to fix it," Rory says and Jess groans.
"I had no idea until you pointed it out."
"What's your suggestion?" Rory snaps. Their fight from last night is still smarting. Rory is sorry that she told Luke without asking about the notebook, and was fully contrite, but Jess coming home drunk and a lack of clean water is bringing back her defensiveness from before.
"I don't know," Jess says. "Look, Rory, I just woke up and my head is killing me."
"It wouldn't be killing you if you hadn't gone and got wasted at that bar!"
"Hey, I needed some space!" Jess retorts and Rory bites her lip. "I thought you'd understand that!"
"I do understand that! But you could have talked to me!"
"No, because you would have just said I could be doing more!"
Jess reaches over and turns off the water, which sputters to a dirty trickle, and Rory says, "You can do more. You've got such a great mind, Jess, and if you tried -"
"This is what I didn't want to talk about!"
"Right, you figured it'd be better to get drunk instead."
"I just had a couple of drinks!"
"That was great use of time!"
"Sorry I'm not spending my night writing an extra-credit report," Jess snaps. "Though I guess neither of us are doing that, huh?"
Rory stares, hurt, and Jess closes his eyes for a moment.
"I'm sorry," he says. "That wasn't fair. My head's just killing me and -"
"I'm going out," Rory says loudly, hoping to drown the hurt in her voice. "Maybe Lane'll let me use her shower."
"You're going all the way to Stars Hollow?"
"What am I supposed to do?" Rory demands. "Relax, I won't stop by Luke's. We'll live with the dirty water instead."
"Great."
Rory throws on some clothes, grabs her keys and drives furiously back. She's just got out of her car and turned the corner when she almost knocks over her mother who's emerging from the market.
"Oh. Hi," Rory says stupidly. Lorelai looks at her and says, "Hi. You visiting Lane?"
"No. Sort of, I guess."
Lorelai looks at her some more and Rory has a horrible feeling she's going to cry. She doesn't trust herself to speak. Rory finally breaks their glance, knowing if her mother asks if she's okay she won't be able to form an answer. Lorelai suddenly puts her hand on Rory's arm.
"Do you want to come home for a little while?" she asks gently and, although they're in a fight, Rory nods and follows her. Once they're inside Rory is able to find her voice again.
"Our shower broke," she says haltingly. "It's so hot and I didn't know what to do so I was going to use Lane's shower...I don't know what do when I go back though."
"Take a shower here," Lorelai says and Rory does so, surprised and relieved that her mother didn't launch into a tirade about being in an unhealthy living situation. Rory peels off her sweaty clothes, stepping gratefully under the water, and closes her eyes. She's forgotten how good it was to have a shower with real water pressure, let alone no risk of rust, and once done pulls on an old dress from her closet. It's strange seeing herself in it in the mirror, a girl Rory used to know.
When she goes into the kitchen Lorelai has made them each a cup of coffee and Rory hesitantly sits down.
"Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome."
Lorelai sits opposite her and for a moment neither speaks, and instead take burning sips. Finally Rory puts her cup down and says, "Mom, you know where I was in New York the other day?"
"Where?" Lorelai asks. She sounds cautious but interested and smiles when Rory says, "Right where we tried to shop and couldn't find a parking spot."
"So we drove home and bought a Hummel here," Lorelai remembers. "Great afternoon."
They both chuckle awkwardly and then Rory takes a deep breath and says, "Mom, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry I went with Jess, but I'm sorry I hurt you and screwed up our summer plans."
"It's okay," Lorelai says quietly. "I don't care about that."
"Yes, you do."
"I was more worried about you," Lorelai says seriously. "I am worried about you, Rory. I don't like you living somewhere so insecure. The whole situation is so reckless."
"But is that so bad?" Rory asks. "Don't you have to be reckless sometimes?"
"You're talking to the queen of reckless," Lorelai says, laughing a little. "Rory, I know you're mad at me, that you think I'm mad at you for wanting to risk stuff. I'm not mad at you for wanting to do more. I worry because I see myself so much in you sometimes."
"But I'm not you."
"I know. But I'm scared that this could end badly and you telling me you want to quit school isn't exactly helping."
"It's not that I want to quit forever...I just want a break."
"But you'll lose momentum. It could become forever."
"Not necessarily," Rory says obstinately and Lorelai lets out an impatient sigh.
"Can you finish college and then do this self-discovery thing?"
"Mom..."
"Rory, I could have done so much if I'd gone to college. I'd have had so many options." Lorelai puts her cup down, going around the table, and says, "I love you, kid. I don't want you ever to think that I wish I hadn't had you, or that I don't like where my life has gone. I love you and I love where I ended up, but it's been hard."
"I know," Rory says quietly. She stares at her cup and hears her mother take a deep breath.
"Tell me how it's been."
"It's been new," Rory says, trying to sound upbeat. "And exciting."
"I bet."
"But -" Rory's voice breaks before she can stop it and then Lorelai's arms are around her.
"Honey! What happened?"
"I'm tired," Rory sobs. "And it's hot and it's dirty and I hate where I work, and now we don't have clean water and Jess and I had a fight."
"Oh, Rory."
"I love him. He loves me too."
"I know he does," Lorelai says softly and Rory sniffles. "I know he loves you."
"He could do so much," Rory says tearfully. "And when I told Luke he got mad."
"Told Luke what?"
"Nothing - it doesn't matter," Rory says, wiping her eyes. She knows Jess will be upset if she tells Lorelai as well as Luke about his writing. "I just know Jess can do more."
"It's his life, Rory. It's probably hard for him to talk about it."
"But I love him."
"Loving someone isn't always enough."
Rory feels more tears streak down her cheeks and Lorelai goes on, "You don't have to be aimless like that. You're different."
"Don't talk about Jess like that," Rory says angrily, wiping her eyes. "I'm not different."
"Rory, I didn't mean to - I'm just saying that you are doing so well with school, so well with everything."
"Jess could do just as well."
"Okay, but do you get what I'm saying?" Lorelai asks gently. "Right now you're crying about it being tough living there and sweets, I don't think it's going to get easier. What are either of you going to do about the pipes?"
"I don't know."
"Because you can't use someone else's shower every time they break."
"I know that, Mom."
Lorelai gives her a hug and adds, "Not that I'm sorry you came by. I'm sorry we fought so hard."
"There's a reputation that we're stubborn," Rory jokes and Lorelai smiles.
"Outrageous. Listen, I can look at the pipes, or Luke can."
"I think we should try and figure it out."
"Okay. But if you can't..."
"Thanks, Mom. How's it going, by the way? Dating Luke?"
"It's good," Lorelai says, smiling shyly and Rory grins.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Really good."
"I'm happy for you."
Rory finishes her coffee and feels a little regretful as Lorelai says quietly, "I wanted to tell you."
"It hurt me that you didn't."
"You hurt me too," Lorelai says. "And it didn't seem the time to call and tell you. I didn't even know if you'd want me to call you."
"I was mad at you but I missed you," Rory says, looking up, and her mother nods, her eyes bright with tears.
"Oh, I missed you too, kid. You have no idea."
Rory gets up to hug her mother properly and then they are laughing, hugging each other tightly and rambling about having a movie marathon. Rory knows one evening won't make up for a whole summer of fighting and hurt words they threw at each other, but it's a start. Rory stays a little longer, having more coffee and hearing about the inn, and as she gets up to go Lorelai hesitates before saying, "Rory, if it does get too much you know you can come home, right?"
"Mom..."
"I'm not saying you'll break up with Jess. I'm just saying that I know it's hard and I'm here."
"Thanks," Rory says, giving her mother an an awkward smile before going back to the car. She's grateful that Lorelai didn't say anything about telling her so, the night Rory left with Jess which seems so long ago. Rory puts the box of food Lorelai gave her in the car before looking up to see her mother still at the door, waiting until she drives away.
Despite having shakily made up with Lorelai Rory feels subdued on the drive back. Upon getting to the apartment Jess meets her at the door, giving Rory the suspicion that he'd been waiting for a while.
"I fixed the pipes."
"You did?" Rory exclaims and Jess nods.
"Kind of. I called Brad from work."
Rory gives him a hug and says, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too."
They smile bashfully and Jess says, "Hey, I remember that dress."
"Oh," Rory says, looking down. It's the dress she remembers wearing after getting back from the summer in Washington, which Rory had deliberately picked to look good in to see Jess, before discovering him with Shane. Rory doesn't ask for his thoughts on that occasion. "I haven't worn it in forever...I went to Mom's. She let me use the shower and I had this in the closet."
Jess nods and asks carefully, "How did it go? Seeing your mom?"
"I think we made up," Rory says thankfully. "She's not waving sparklers around but I think we're okay. She gave us that box of food."
"That's great - the making up, I mean."
"Food doesn't suck either," Rory remarks and Jess chuckles.
"Agreed."
Rory laughs along with him but as they pause the silence becomes uncertain and Rory hesitates before finding her words.
"Jess, I'm sorry that I told Luke without asking you," Rory says, looking into Jess's eyes. "I didn't mean to go behind your back. I just - I see all the things you could do, and you could do them so well. But it's like you're afraid to even try."
"You're saying you want to take time off," Jess says seriously. "That you don't want to have everything planned - but you're not figuring out anything. You keep talking about wanting to live more, do more, but you can't just go on a roadtrip and get wisdom from that. I've done the whole Kerouac thing and I know. You're like Luke, Rory. You want to fix things for everyone but you don't want it fix it for yourself! You're worrying so much about my stupid notebook but what about your life? What about everything you're supposed to do?"
Rory stares at him, unsure what to say. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"Guess that makes two of us."
"I know you're supposed to do something more," Rory says, taking Jess's hand. "I know that."
"You do, huh?" Jess tries to sound light but Rory can hear the hope in it and nods.
"I know, Jess."
He kisses her and Rory kisses him back, assuming the conversation is over, but then Jess stops to say, "You need to fix it, Rory. You're supposed to do something great, you always were, but you have to figure it out."
His eyes are earnest and searching and Rory stares back, heart thudding. It has always been Jess encouraging her and until now, she never felt she needed encouragement. Jess is still staring, waiting for Rory to reply, and finally she says, "I don't know how."
"You will."
Rory simply nods, moving her eyes, and then Jess kisses her. Rory kisses him back, hesitantly and then desperately, pulling him into the bedroom. Impatiently Rory sheds her old dress, filled with need, and she gasps when Jess pushes into her, matching her rhythm with his. They move and move until Jess falls onto her chest and, as Rory runs her hand through his curls, remembers when she thought all of this was enough. A thread of doubt is running through her and Rory tries to dismiss it as she closes her eyes.
