Thanks SO much to Bamberlee for editing!
For those who asked: the story is updated every Friday, at some point. I try to get it up as soon as I can, but I'm not always able to get to it first thing.
Thanks for reviewing and all the guesses as to who Eva saw. Some of you were right lol. Have a great weekend everyone!
My chest tightens.
I'm frozen in place as something chirps in the woods, and there's a low, lazy howl in response. I try not to blink, because if I do, I'm pretty sure everything will vanish when I open my eyes.
"Eva, are you okay? What are you wearing?"
Adam stands before me with his eyes narrowed in confusion at the nightgown. I've spent weeks sleeping against him in his own shirts, so this sight has to be odd. His eyes flick upward to my hair, then back down to where Paisley had fixed the straps on the nightgown but not tight enough.
It is odd.
It feels like forever ago that I watched him leave for Dauntless. It only took a few hours before my Amity transformation was complete, and I wasn't expecting him to show up. I had some inkling that the nightgown and thrusting my aunts on me had been my grandma's way of helping. I bet she thought if she dressed me like I belonged here, no one would think otherwise.
Not even Adam.
"Um, it's…my grandma gave it to me." My voice betrays the braveness that was there a few seconds ago. It sounds croaky, and it's because he's walking toward me slowly, like he thinks I'll bolt if he moves too fast. I might. This whole day had been weird, the night had been even weirder, and seeing him back here feels like a dream.
Maybe I am dreaming.
Maybe I did fall asleep on the bed, and when I wake up, I'll be alone, still trapped in Amity until Peter is found, still wearing this nightgown.
"Oh, it's…nice."
"What are you doing here? I thought for sure you were Peter."
I say all this uncertainly, fully aware it sounds dumb, because of course it's Adam. He's standing before me in the official uniform we'd been given. His hair had been combed at some point, but it's messed up now. I take in the dark jacket, the dark pants, his stare glued to my bare shoulders, and I suddenly wish Holly had brought me a t-shirt or something that resembled actual clothing.
It's not that I don't want him looking at me, it's just that his stare is something else altogether.
"Are you okay?" I summon up the courage to look right at him, not sure why I'm suddenly nervous to see him standing in the garden. For a single moment, I had thought he was Peter. My stomach had hurt badly enough that I could have thrown up, and my heart felt like someone was squeezing it so it would stop beating.
It wasn't farfetched that he could have been Peter. With my luck, he would have found me here. Wandering around Eden's garden in the dark, talking to plants that couldn't talk back, and probably catching a cold since I hadn't bothered to hunt for a jacket.
The irony that I could have died, again, in Amity isn't lost on me.
"You really thought I was Peter?" Adam looks insulted, and he tilts his head at me. "Really? Isn't the guy kinda old?"
"Yeah, actually I think he is. But I wasn't expecting you. I thought you went back with your dad." I keep talking, hoping he'll say something else, but he's just staring at me. He looks a little tired; his eyes hold a faint weariness that wasn't there earlier and in his hands is a piece of paper. "Oh no. Are you here to read me a poem?"
His face tightens.
There's an unfairness to how different he looks, especially now. The uniform isn't the only difference though. He seems taller, more experienced at life even though we've been in the same initiation, and more like someone who knew what they were doing.
Which hopefully is not reading some lovesick poetry while I slowly succumb to hypothermia.
"Am I… supposed to read you a poem?" He sounds hesitant, looking at me in total confusion while I stare back horrified. He didn't seem like the type to show up and read me Romeo and Juliet, but I was finding out my life was just one surprise after the other these days. "I just… I came to see you. Should I leave? I could go back if you're busy…" He stops, and he sounds utterly defeated as he shoves the note in his pocket and glances to the side of me.
"No!"
"If you want me to leave, I will. It's not a poem. It's just a note from your mom." He finally looks back to me, and his eyes search mine for something. His lips turn up slowly, and it hits me. Somewhere, in the very furthest corner of my mind, it occurs to me that I am ruining this moment.
I, Eva Coulter, have inherited my father's inability to recognize romance, and the sheer fact that Adam has returned to Amity to come find me.
My chest tightens again, for an entirely different reason.
"You really came here to see me? I thought your dad told you to stay away! He looked so angry at lunch." I come to a stop right in front of him, and I don't remember him being this tall. Or this handsome. It's probably the jacket, or his jawline, or the fact that his skin looks like it would be soft to touch and I know what he looks like with his shirt off.
Or it's because he came back for me after being taken back to Dauntless and instructed to stay there.
I feel a little dizzy at the thought, considering his father had been pretty determined to keep us apart.
"He's always pissed off over something," Adam frowns, but he steps closer, closing the invisible millimeters between us. "We talked for a while. Well, he talked. I just sat there while he ranted about what a mess this is. He's worried that you'll be killed because of me. He's worried you'll be killed because of Eric. He doesn't want that guilt on either of us so he suggested I stay away from you. He said…you'll be in Amity and your grandpa will keep you safe and I should just focus on initiation. And maybe dating someone else. Someone…not related to Eric."
My scowl is immediate.
I've also inherited my father's inability to keep my expression neutral.
"I told him to go fuck himself." Adam reaches for me, warm hands sliding around my waist to pull me against him, and I have to really crane my head up to look at his face.
"Adam!" I blurt out, imagining the look on Four's face when his son spoke to him like that. It was probably bound to happen, years of built up anger that would have come out sooner or later, but I bet he's not happy. "He's probably really mad at you and I'm pretty sure he's going to think this is my fault."
"It's not your fault. Besides, I don't care if he's mad or worried or what. I told him I wasn't leaving you behind. I watched you almost die today. I'm not…I trust your grandpa, but I'm not leaving you here alone. I don't want to leave you here alone. I tried to lie down and I was planning on coming tomorrow morning, but it's just not the same without you. None of it is. Nothing will matter if you're dead."
His words are just as warm as he is. He keeps pulling me closer, and my bare feet hit his boots. He smells good, like something I can't describe or recognize, and he's unafraid of the dark woods behind us or the fact that he less than politely told his father off and then ditched our chosen faction. "I told my mom I was coming back to stay with you so at least someone knew. I thought she'd be mad but she promised she wouldn't tell anyone. Your mom was there, too. That's why I have the note. She said to tell you she fully supported my coming here."
"You really came back here just for me?"
My hands have found their way to his chest, and the fabric of his jacket is rough. I had once heard my father saying Christian loathed making such utilitarian jackets and longed to make something nicer for the soldiers. But at the rate they went through the jackets, it just wasn't feasible. I don't know why I'm thinking of that now, only maybe it's because I want to take the jacket off him.
"Adam?"
He's silent, until he finally nods.
It was odd how in a faction of so many, with so many people looking out for me or watching my every move, I often felt left out of everything. Even now I felt like everything was moving around me, growing and stretching and morphing quicker than I could keep up. There were secrets from a past I didn't understand, stories about people I had never heard before, and friendships changing faster than I could comprehend. Even my parents were caught up in all of it; arguing over these ghosts that had come back to haunt them, doing their best to make sure everything was fine, even if it wasn't.
It felt like everyone was miles ahead of me, and I was sort of an afterthought, even if I was an important one.
The only constant in my life was Adam.
He'd been there from the start, the almost end, and he was here now.
"Yeah, Eva. I don't… I don't want to stay in Dauntless alone and I don't think it's smart that they wanted you to stay here. What if Peter does find you? It doesn't even look like anyone's here."
He looks around for a moment, and he's not wrong.
I was pretty sure everyone had left, which was ironic considering my grandpa had insisted I'd be safer here.
"They promised me he wouldn't get to me. But um, yeah they all went to some bonfire. I think my aunt is close by though. Or maybe she's hiding on the patio. I don't know. I just came out here for some fresh air." One of my hands slides up, touching the collar of his jacket, then his jaw. "What if your dad comes here? What if he decides to come get you?"
"He doesn't know I left. I can only hope my mom doesn't tell him," Adam answers quietly, and one of his hands finds my back. He rests it between my shoulder blades, and I'm oddly aware of how much larger than me he is, and how it suddenly feels much more noticeable. He'd always been taller, but I'm unusually aware that Adam towers over me and he drops his head down. "But if he does show up, I won't go with him. I don't want to be with anyone else and I don't care that he thinks this is dangerous. You aren't dangerous at all."
I should feel a flash of insult, because I could be dangerous. I mean, I can fight. I can shoot someone. I'd been able to mostly get away from Jeremy. But standing here in nothing but a nightgown while he pulls me closer and closer to him probably doesn't give off the seductively lethal vibe that the girls in Dauntless exuded.
The only thing dangerous about me was I'd been left alone in Amity while everyone went to roast marshmallows.
"I don't know what to say…" I pause, because I really don't. I do want to tell him everything about how I feel. I want to tell him that I've never been anyone's priority except for the people who were responsible for me. That the closest person to ever do anything romantic for me was TJ, saving me a bowl of soup before Rylan knocked the cart over trying to fight someone for saying he was better at board games than him. I can't think of anything good enough, so I stare back at him, into dark blue eyes and I hope he understands. "Will you stay? You promise me you won't leave me here or go back because you really should go back?"
Adam smiles.
Gone is the insult and confusion and in their place is warm happiness at being wanted.
He does understand.
"I promise you, Eva. There's nowhere else I'd rather be." He bends his head down so his nose touches mine, and I hear him take a deep breath. "You're freezing. Why do you never ever wear your jacket?"
I smile back.
Stupidly.
"I don't even know where it is. But I was only planning on being out here for a minute," I grin, and a second later, his lips touch mine. He moves his hands to grasp my face, drawing me closer to him, and the entire world falls away.
I forget about Jeremy, lurching after me in an attempt to jab something into my skin to do who knows what. I forget about my father's sullen glare that I'd run into Blythe and not told him. My mother's sudden fear that I could be killed and being understandably worried about this enough that she was actually mad at my father. I forget about everything else going on in my life: Kat, apologizing because she felt like she should, but maybe not because she was truly sorry, this person named Peter, lurking in the woods with the same intent to kill me just because, and Blythe, my grandmother, who was seemingly at fault for all this because she loathed the fact that I existed.
I forget about everything except Adam.
I only notice that he's warm. That his lips are warm, his hands are warm, and he's pressed right against me. I relish in the feeling of his hands in my hair, grasping onto pieces and sliding his fingers in further. The way his arms have tightened to keep me against him, the way his uniform is rough and my nightgown is soft and he seems to like this. I feel every time he moves, the way he breaks away for only a moment to collect himself, then he grins and kisses me again, and how unbelievably nervous I suddenly feel.
It's a good feeling, though. New, like everything is going to change all because he came back.
I focus only on this, until the warm, tiny twinkling lights turn on, lighting up Eden's slowly freezing garden.
"What the…"
Adam breaks away again, and the distance is immediate. I lean into him without thinking, tearing my attention away only to look around at what's happening. The whole garden seems to come alive, despite the cold weather and the threat of violence hanging overhead.
"Did you turn those on?" Adam looks down at me and I shake my head no.
Now that it's somewhat light out here, the garden is so much larger than I had thought. It expands so far back that it disappears into the woods and possibly keeps going. But that's not what I'm focused on. I'm focused on the sudden burst of dainty lights all around us. They are everywhere, and they remind me of the ones in Erudite.
I bet my grandpa put them up. It's hard to see, but they're intricately woven through the plants, along hidden fences and carefully crafted planters, and painstakingly through the trees. Through the whole garden, along the back of their home, spanning upward until I can't see where they stop.
It's obvious he and my grandma spend a lot of time out here, and he was committed to making it like nowhere else.
"No, but um, I'll take credit for it if it means you'll stay." I stare up at Adam, rising up on my toes to slide my hands into his hair. "Even just for tonight. I have my own room and I don't think anyone will bother me. They aren't even here."
Adam doesn't answer me.
He does smile, knowingly and smirkily, the exact grin I was hoping for earlier. He nods his head in agreement before he lets go of me to shrug his jacket off. He puts it over my shoulders, then takes my hand in his and looks back toward the house.
An hour ago, I had been bored out of my mind. I appreciated everything everyone had done to keep me safe, and I knew they thought I was heading to bed and would be fine. I didn't mind it so much, but I couldn't help but feel like my time in Amity was going to pass by slowly. I had felt the maddening itch of being trapped, and the realization that I couldn't just return to Dauntless or ask someone to take me home.
But now, I don't think I want to go home, and I certainly won't be bored.
Not with him here.
His fingers tighten through mine, anchoring me to him, and he pulls me forward, out of Eden's garden.
"Lead the way, Eva."
The note sits on the nightstand, opened up and smoothed out and begging for me to reread it. Adam had handed it to me when we returned, and I'd skimmed it before setting it down. My mother's words were mostly what I expected. I wanted to read it again, but Adam would be back soon, and it felt stupid to be staring at a note that we both knew was about him.
The knock on the door comes right as I reach for the note, giving in to my lack of self-control. My fingers touch the paper, then drop it back down.
"I'll be right there."
I rise up from the bed, still perfectly made, and I ignore the roaring fire and the fact that Adam had disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower. We'd walked hand in hand through the garden until we were back at the house. While we walked, he told me Rylan had awarded the girls the afternoon off. Because they lost, the boys were given some training drill to complete. He said it was boring; Rylan didn't like it and he tried to get them to rush through it, and it was obvious it was for show. If someone had followed them back to Dauntless, they'd see life had gone on like nothing happened and the faction was unaffected by the attack. He told me Rylan kept up the charade until he'd had enough and called it a day.
The boys were still not happy.
After a quick dinner with his friends, Adam had planned to take a shower and go to bed. Instead, he found his mother, had a very interesting conversation with her, then hopped on the first train leaving Dauntless to come here.
To me.
"Eva, hi! I found some clean clothes for you. I know you didn't love the nightgown so I brought you a few things. They mostly belong to my husband, but he won't mind. He said to tell you hello!"
I open up the bedroom door to Holly, standing there smiling from ear to ear. Her arms are overloaded with clothes, not just a few pajamas and not just a few shirts. I stare at her in surprise, then immediately thank her.
"You didn't have to do this! I'm fine," I promise, but I take them from her, because I know someone else can wear them. "Thank you so much. I forgot you said you'd look."
"Of course. I wasn't going to leave you hanging." Holly tilts her head, clearly hearing the shower on and her eyes widen. "Did Adam get here yet? Is that him in the shower? Can I meet him? I think I've only seen him a few times." Her face lights up in recognition of the lovely rumor Zander had started while we were here. It's not shocking that it made its way back to her, and even less shocking that everyone still believed it.
I stare at her in total confusion because I wasn't sure how she knew he was here.
"Adam? How did you…" I stop when she smiles brightly, and I slowly put it all together. "My mom told you, didn't she?"
"She called a little bit ago. She said he was on his way and he was more than likely staying. I guess the two of you can't go back until they find this….this guy they're looking for. So, I thought if he was coming, he probably didn't bring anything to wear. Don't worry. I didn't tell anyone who they were for."
"My mom called to tell you Adam was coming?" I look at her in disbelief, though really, I shouldn't be surprised. "What did she say?"
Holly shrugs casually.
She's a mirror image of my mother when I'd ask her something and she knew more than she was letting on.
"Holly, you can tell me. It's…my mother. I know she told you more than just…" I mimic her shrug, and Holly can't hide her widening smile.
"Ok, um, it was a lot. Your mom talks fast and there were other people talking in the background. Two of her friends, I think. Anyway, something about Adam and his mom talking and his mom and dad fighting and then it caused all this drama and everyone is on edge waiting to see who the person was in the woods and being pissy because they know Harrison is going to find him first. Your dad is absolutely losing his mind that you aren't there and he doesn't think Amity is that safe, and um, oh, she said Adam's in love with you and that he's determined to be with you no matter what. And that he was coming and didn't have any extra clothes. So I thought I could help. Hey, do you like living in Dauntless? You know, you could always stay here if you decide you like it better. We would all like that."
Holly finishes talking, but all I heard was the part about Adam.
"He's said he's… in love with me?" I stumble over this, violently wishing my mother were here. Not so she and I could be having this heart to heart talk, but so I could smack her for relaying this via Holly and not in person.
And for assuming Adam loved me.
"I mean, you guys are really young but everyone in Amity gets married young and so did your mom." Holly points out, and she's most definitely my mother's sister. "And yes, well, Everly said he was distraught that you were attacked. She said your dad is super impressed that he shot Jeremy while running, and they planned on having sort of a party to thank him? Or some sort of faction wide recognition for him? I don't know what you'd call it. We'd just make him a pie and remind him that guns aren't really our first weapon of choice but we appreciate what he did. But, anyway, your mom said Adam didn't care. He just wanted to get back to you."
"Oh."
I clutch the clothes tighter to me, and I swear the nightgown seems to shrink six sizes.
"My husband's never shot anyone for me," Holly looks a little disheartened at this, and I wonder if perhaps my grandpa was slowly turning the Amity community into Dauntless 2.0. "Now I'm wondering if he could."
"Holly, Adam shot Jeremy because he was trying to kill me." I stumble over these words as well, because saying them out loud makes them real. "Actually, Jeremy would have killed me if Adam hadn't gotten there in time."
"Probably," Holly agrees. "Harrison said these guys hate your dad and will stop at nothing to get back at him."
She stops and glances up at the ceiling, and I can see her thinking about something.
"Eva, will you and Adam get married here or in Dauntless? Because if you get married here… I know some people who can make a cake. Sophia and Courtney have a-
"He hasn't even proposed," I say this without thinking, the words out of my mouth before I can stop them. In fact, I stand there with my mouth open for a second, because I hadn't wanted Adam to propose. I thought everyone was being ridiculous over this whole marriage thing, and I'd rolled my eyes at all of it.
I also refused to get married at eighteen just because my mother had.
"No matter. I'd like to formally meet your fiancé. I don't think he and I have ever really talked." Holly grins even wider, ignoring the fact that Adam had most definitely not proposed and I hadn't answered any of her questions. The thought was cute; she'd been around him countless times while we were growing up, but he'd spent a good chunk of that time scowling and slinking away the second he could.
It was incredibly kind she'd be supporting such a wedding considering he'd rarely spoken to her.
"He's not my fiancé," I remind her, wondering if there was any point in saying otherwise. "I think we all know it's too late for him to go home, and it's sort of dangerous. So he's…taking a shower and staying here. Just for tonight. Not because he's in love with me or anything."
I flash her a wide smile, hoping she'll leave quickly and keep quiet, because I don't really want anyone else to know he's here. I was glad my mother had approved, and I was super glad Adam had talked to his mother, but the danger felt real that Peter was out there. If too many people knew where we were, maybe they would come after us.
Again.
Not to mention the fact that if my grandpa knew he was here, he'd come rushing back from wherever he'd gone to grill Adam about his dad. Ironically enough, he wouldn't so much care that Adam was here, but he would care that he got to tell him his thoughts about Four. Especially since he was insulted Four wanted to leave without eating lunch.
"Okay, sure. He's not in love with you. Either way, in love or not in love, he can use the pajamas. Harrison went down to oversee this bonfire they started and I'm pretty sure mom went with him. Our initiation is almost over, so they're having a mini celebration. He also thinks whoever wants to kill you will be deterred because we aren't scared of him." Holly pauses to look past me. "Which is mostly true. Everyone is determined to keep you safe, so they're willing to take down this guy if they find him. But hey, if you need anything, will you call me? I'm not far from here. My number is in the kitchen. I think my mom left her phone there." Holly smiles back, though her eyes keep sliding over me and toward the bathroom door. "I promise I won't tell anyone he's here, but they'll notice tomorrow. I'm assuming he has to eat at some point."
"Yeah, I should probably feed him," I shrug, pretending I've just remembered Adam could get hungry. "I'll tell everyone tomorrow. I just…he doesn't want to stay in Dauntless alone and I don't want to be here alone." I answer my aunt honestly, and she must understand.
"I know. It can be sort of creepy out here. The nights are really dark and this room is far from the main part of the house." Holly thinks while she speaks, but she looks pleased to be the only one who knows this secret. "Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun with your…not fiancé. Keep me updated on the wedding."
She smiles the same smug smile my mother has and I glare at her. It's fleeting; she winks, and steps away from me dramatically.
"Goodnight, Eva."
"Goodnight Holly."
I wait until she's far enough down the hallway that I know she's going home, and I shut the door.
This is a lot to take in.
I stare at the door for a second, then I fumble around the clothes to lock it. Adam and I had locked the one leading outside, and I'd closed the heavy curtains over the windows. It wasn't that I demanded the utmost privacy in a faction I was a guest in, but I certainly didn't need anyone wandering into my room in the middle of the night.
Especially Peter.
With my luck, he'd waltz right by the windows to find me dead asleep and easily kidnappable.
"Hey, so I probably should have brought something else to wear. I didn't really think this through."
I turn around to see Adam standing in the doorway of the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The sight makes my brain disconnect for a few seconds. I stare at him like I've never seen him before, then I remember my arms are full of clothes and the fact that I'd taken a shower beside him in the trainer's locker room.
"Here. Holly brought these for me. They're her husband's, but I think they'll fit you," I smile, holding up the clothes like some sort of strange offering. To her credit, Holly had brought things that didn't scream Amity. White shirts, plain boxers, and dark maroon pajama pants. "Do you want them?"
"Sure," Adam shrugs, and his eyes land on the clothes. "That's probably a better idea than what I had in mind."
"What did you have in mind?" I ask without thinking, and the next thing I know, he's right in front of me. He's lit up by the warm light of the fire, and the crackling is the only sound in the room. "Um, did you want me to get my grandpa? Do you want his pajamas? They might fit better. Holly's husband is really nice. His name is…"
I stop saying all the words in the human language possible when Adam shuts me up by kissing me, and I guess he doesn't want to hear my story about who Holly married. To be fair, I don't really remember his name. My brain slowly tries to point out that it's something like Hector or Ron or maybe Fred, but it loses out to Adam dragging me away from the door and taking the clothes from my hands.
"Give me two seconds. Then we should probably go to bed. I feel like I've been awake for days."
He breaks away from me with a small smile, and he's not wrong. I feel the same way. This morning seems like weeks ago. It feels like months have passed since Rylan told us we'd be playing the War Games, since I picked my team and Adam picked his, since I climbed onto Adam's lap and he didn't stop me, since Jeremy found me in the woods.
Since Adam shot him, preventing him from injecting me with whatever he'd brought.
"Okay," I immediately agree, because climbing into bed and falling asleep next to Adam seems to be a fitting way to end the day, especially now that I know he's not leaving. "I'll wait for you."
"Good."
He watches as I head to the bed I'd been sitting on, and I pull back the comforter and climb in while he goes to get dressed. I hear the water turn on in the bathroom, and I busy myself by picking up my mother's note. It's written in her handwriting, large and loopy and nowhere near as neat as my father's, and every single word makes me smile.
Just like Adam said, her support is immediate and complete.
Eva,
Your father once came to Amity in the middle of the night. He showed up only to find me wandering around and unable to remember him. He had the same look of desperation that Adam has right now, and if I had to guess, I would bet Adam won't be returning tonight. Neither will you. Don't worry about Peter. Your dad will kill him and anyone else who wants to hurt you.
Enjoy your time there. Everything happens in Amity.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Arlene says the birth control shot should still be good. If not, I have no advice but a lot of free time. Love you! Have fun!
I smile when I read it.
For once, I didn't completely cringe at my father's complete and total love of my mother, a love so intense that he was ready to have a family with her from the very start. I had never truly heard the story of how he came to find her, ripped away from him by some evil lady and hidden away in the dark forest of the Amity faction up until my mother confessed it had happened.
Even then, I didn't get the whole version.
In the harsher version, a tale hinted at once I read between the lines, she'd been given back to the very place she came from, minus her memory, loathing being somewhere she didn't belong because they didn't expect her to be there.
My mother clearly didn't want to talk about it, preferring to sort of smile and shrug it off once I had the barest of details. My father didn't like to talk about it, either. But what I got from it was he loved her enough to not give up, the same way Adam wasn't giving up.
Which made the thought of her writing this amusing. I could picture my mother writing the note, frantically, as she did her best to be supportive and helpful, all before Adam left.
I certainly didn't want a child in the next year, but I appreciate her enthusiasm.
"She uh, she made me wait while she wrote it."
I look up to Adam standing at the end of the bed. He's put on only a pair of boxers, and he looks less exhausted than when he showed up. He runs a hand through his hair to push it to the side, but it doesn't stay there. His eyes are glued to the letter in my hands, and he shrugs it off.
"She said it was important."
"Did you read it?" I fold it back in half, and I smile up at him. "It was um, very nice of her. She said everything happens in Amity."
"I didn't but she sort of…more or less hinted that she and your dad had some pretty big moments here. Do you think it was here, like…this room?" Adam glances around, examining the space with a hesitant look on his face.
I totally understand why.
"No," I shake my head, and I motion for him to come sit by me. "They stayed somewhere else. A long time ago she told me there's accommodations for visitors and Johanna had them stay there. I guess people used to come and stay for a long time and they needed somewhere to stay that wasn't with the main faction."
"Makes sense. I wouldn't be able to sleep with the rest of the faction a few feet away. Hey, did Harrison build this room?" Adam walks around the bed, and he slides beneath the heavy sheets with a final glance at the door leading outside. "You seem very confident that no one is getting in here, but I walked right in."
He's teasing me.
He's grinning at me in a way that makes my stomach drop and I'm pretty sure he knows it.
"I'm gonna guess yes. It doesn't quite fit with the rest of the house." I set the paper on the nightstand, and I reach to turn off the light. The room grows dark except for the light from the fire, but it doesn't quite reach us. "He probably wouldn't have me stay here if he thought someone could break in. Or maybe…maybe he's hoping Peter will come by. Maybe he's using me as human bait."
In the dark, Adam snickers.
"Doubtful. Do you know who Peter is?" he asks, turning on his side to look at me. He's reclined back onto the million pillows that were arranged behind us, and he makes a face. "I learned a lot tonight. More than I ever thought anyone would tell me. But what I found out was he's some jerk. My mom started to tell me about him, something about how he tried to get to her once and she thought he was the absolute worst person in Dauntless. He held some minor position of authority and was really shitty to everyone beneath him. She said at his worst, he tried to take your mom down when your dad wasn't there and it sent him into a fit of rage. They made him factionless after that. My dad was there, too. I'm betting he's not too fond of either of them."
"Oh, well then Peter sounds like he'd be really fun to run into," I laugh, and I reach for Adam. My fingers find his, and I pull his hand up so I can look at it. "Your dad was there? With mine?"
"Yeah. My mom said they found a moment of appreciation for one another and together they banned Peter from Dauntless. That's why they're worried he'd want both of us." Adam pauses, watching me intently. "It's more complicated than just…Blythe and Jeremy."
I nod, taking all this in.
Of course Four was involved.
The pieces fit together a little better with this new information, but not perfectly. There had to be more we didn't know, though it was unlikely we'd find out all of it.
Ever.
"Have you noticed all their stories are full of backstabbing and utter betrayal and people trying to kill them? Doesn't it seem like Dauntless was once a land ruled by insane amounts of drama?" I ask, trying to remember the last time I heard something normal like, everyone went to dinner and took turns picking up the bill. Or that Four and my father had always been friends, and they just fooled everyone into thinking they weren't.
I can't.
All I come up with are tales of heroic bravery on my father's part, and a lot of conniving on his friends' parts.
"Yes," Adam agrees, and he folds his fingers through mine. "It's like every single person involved had a flair for getting themselves into trouble. I don't think they told us everything. I know for a fact my parents haven't. Jason told me about this…this Marcus. He's why my father is losing his mind at every turn. Jason thinks he might be involved, too. But did anyone ever tell me about him? No. My parents didn't. My dad didn't think I should know."
We lock eyes and I pause to look at him.
His hair is still damp from his shower, but it falls down near his eyes. It's not as short as it was when initiation started, and still much longer than his friends'.
But the look on his face is one that I feel right down to my bones. It's the one of someone whose grown up having a certain world created for them. My parent had done the exact same for me, even more so. The villains I grew up with were those my father and Rylan argued over. They were princesses who chose to save themselves and princes who were too dumb to do anything more than stand in the background or luck into being the hero. They were the witches and warlocks of books that my father didn't like, but his father did so he would read them to me. They were the people in Dauntless who might frown in my direction when I was a small child, wandering over to a safety railing that was never replaced while a panicked Jason ran after me.
I had been given a perfect world to live in, up until my father couldn't keep it that way anymore.
"I think they did their best. I don't think any of them meant to make it so…" I pause, trying to think of a word. "I think they just wanted us to grow up without any of that. The people trying to kill us and the weird grandparents."
"Yeah, I mean, Harrison is pretty odd…" Adam jokes, and he sits up so I can move closer to him. "You aren't mad that they didn't tell you? You didn't even know about Blythe. Doesn't it feel strange that they kept these things from you?"
"I mean, I accidentally started some weird war with Blythe, all because I didn't know who she was," I nod my head, scooting even closer to him. "Maybe your dad had his reasoning."
"Yeah, shitty reasoning." Adam shakes his head.
While my father didn't tell me these things because he wanted me to be safe, Adam's parents hadn't told him these things because they didn't think he needed to know.
It had to feel like a slap to the face to be finding all this out now, especially since initiation was almost over.
"Eva, where are you going to live when we're done? Did your dad already pick out an apartment for you?"
Adam asks this question while I settle against him, and I'm suddenly appreciative of the nightgown Paisley had given me. It slides against his skin and falls off my shoulder, but it puts me closer to him.
"I don't know," I answer honestly, and he nudges my leg with his. "I told my mom I wanted to live alone, but that's because she was asking me a million questions. After all this, I would be very surprised if my dad lets me. Even though I can choose to have an apartment if I want."
I contemplate this while Adam moves my hair out of the way.
I have to admit that despite being left in Amity as some weird ploy to trick Peter, it's far nicer to lie in this bed with Adam than the bunks in our dormitory. I like that this room is large and away from everyone. I like that the sheets are cold and heavy and feel nicer than the ones used for initiation. I like that it's just Adam and I here, with no one lurking in the shadows or watching grainy security footage of us.
I like that he seems pretty determined to move more than just my hair out of the way.
"Is there anything you want to tell me?" I lie back completely so I can face him, and my view is mostly his chest. He glances down when I reach my hand out, and my fingers touch his collarbone. "Other than you think my grandpa is weird."
"I appreciate him threatening my father," Adam answers lowly, only half kidding, and he throws me a lazy smile. "I already told you I like your nightgown. Maybe you could take it back with you."
"I'm sure if I ask nicely I can have all the nightgowns I want," I laugh, but I sort of like it, too. It was a little in the way since it had tangled around my knees, but I had the odd feeling it wasn't going to stay on much longer. "I just wanted to tell you I'm really glad you came back. I didn't expect you to."
"I meant what I said. I know we said we'd just see how things went, but when I found you, he was about to hurt you. I…I um…" Adam stops, and he tilts his head down at me. For a second, he stares at me, and I stare back, and I realize maybe my mother was right.
Maybe he did more than like me. Though the idea was crazy, the word love conjuring up all kinds of emotions that were unfamiliar to me, the idea felt nice. Almost as nice as my hand on his chest, and one slippery tangle of pale fabric between us as he works to untie it.
"Eva, you trust me, right?"
His eyes are dark, oh so dark, and I nod without hesitation.
I wasn't so brave in the simulation of him and me, but this is different. He'd saved my life, and I don't think I could ever repay him. But I could show him how much he meant to me.
"Okay."
His lips crash into mine, and before I know what's happening, he's over me.
I stare up at him as he works quickly, pushing the blankets further back and sort of yanking me down to where he wants me. I'm surprised at how confident he is in all this, and I fully welcome the wave of nerves when he stares down at me.
"I should tell you I missed you. A lot. Enough that I decided it was worth having to go find my mom and ask for her help."
The words are lost because he says them while kissing me, having lowered himself back down. The weight of him is pleasant, safe and warm, and alluring when his hands move over whatever skin they can find. I feel him grasp the edge of the nightgown, and it bunches between his fingers.
"I can tell you I was pissed when I was told to leave, and even angrier when I was told to leave you alone."
He breaks away to say these words against my neck. One of my hands finds his head, gripping onto the damp strands to try and keep him in place. I like him like this, telling me all these things while he tries to pull the nightgown up, and I bite back the words to tell him to hurry up.
Because he's clearly in no hurry.
"I can tell you I think you're really pretty, and I like whatever you did to your hair."
I smile widely as he reclines back to look at me. He's grinning, but the grin falls away when his plan works. The straps untie, falling away easily until the rest of the fabric does too.
His eyes stay on mine as I pull it off completely. Despite the fire burning, there's a rush of cold air and a hint of nerves, intensified by the fact that he hasn't even blinked. He seemingly forgets about my hair as he stares, unabashedly, in total concentration. I can feel his gaze over every inch of my skin, burning as the seconds pass.
We'd been like this once before, just him and I.
"My aunt brushed it," I inform him, struggling to keep my tone serious. I wait for him to hesitate in any way, but it's clear neither of us are going to bed. "She talked to my mom. She knew you were coming. I think they did all this for you."
He looks mildly horrified. The thought of my mother being supportive was cute, but she had a habit of being all in. There was no half-hearted Everly Coulter helping her daughter spend the night in Amity, this was her, hoping it wound up the way she'd planned for it years ago.
"Well, that's…weird," Adam shakes his head, though he's kidding. "See. They're all weird. I told you we should have just come to Amity. Things would have been way easier."
"With all the weirdos? We'd be living here you know," I look up at him, and he makes a face that tells me he doesn't really want to be talking.
"Forget about them. Eva, I should tell you that seeing Jeremy almost kill you…it wasn't… I couldn't…"
He doesn't finish what he's saying, but that's okay.
I get it.
If the situation had been reversed, I don't think I could have handled it. Had Jeremy gotten to Adam first, I don't know what I would have done. The thought makes my chest clench up, my lungs tightening unpleasantly, worse than any simulation Zander had made us go through.
But it hadn't happened, and I wasn't afraid now. Not with Adam's hands skimming down my side to find mine, or my heart beating rapidly. Not with him over me, warm skin and almost nothing between us, and the knowledge that no one was returning home any time soon.
"I know," I answer him, and my fingers dig into his hair. "If he had you…if he had found…"
He rises up to look at me, holding my stare until I move my hand from his hair to his jaw. My fingers skim over the roughness of his skin, and he takes a deep breath.
I should tell him that maybe I do love him.
That all this time, I had wanted someone to care about me. I had spent time agonizing over why no one ever asked me to go anywhere with them or really smiled at me, and maybe it was because that person was meant to be Adam. Maybe the years apart had done us good. All of this was new, and it felt right that it would be him.
Out of everyone in the faction, it should be Adam.
"I um, I don't want you to stop tonight," I swallow down every last concern that's ramming into my brain right now, pointing out that there were a lot of reasons to tell Adam thanks for saving my life and good night. Curl up against his chest and call it a day. In the end, I decide to ignore all those reasons and focus on him, very carefully sliding his hands back into my hair, kissing me again and again as he silently agrees.
My world comes to a slow and heated halt as he willingly goes along with my plan. There is no rush or nerves, no panic or unease, only the sensation of Adam moving to find the skin of my neck while his hand moves down my side. The feeling of his fingers is familiar; we'd been sleeping by each other for a long time now, and it hadn't been as innocent as we were pretending it was. I'm not unprepared for the weight of his hands finding the curve of my breasts, or the way they stay there, making sure I don't knock him out of the way.
I don't.
If anything, my eyes close and I sigh in the relative reassurance that this is him, Adam, as he works to make sure he isn't rushing this.
"Eva, are you sure?" He mumbles this against my throat, and my hands find his back. I slide my hands over the tensing muscle, and down his side until they rest on his waist. He moves against me, both liking the feeling and grinning at the way it tickles, and his hips jerk against mine, seeking more than just this. He's hard against me, and my brain cheerfully points out that this probably isn't the first time he's been in this position. "I can…I can… fuck, I can't. If you say no, then…"
"I'm not saying no…" My answer is drowned out by my gasp when his fingers squeeze and slide lower. They graze over my ribs, over my stomach, until they find the waistband of the underwear I'd thrown on. They stall there, touching dainty, pretty fabric, and I can feel his pained hesitation as he waits for me to keep talking. "I don't think I've ever wanted anything more."
This confession is one of the many he's gotten out of me. There's nothing wrong with wanting this but admitting it out loud feels braver than anything I've ever said. Maybe because I've always secretly been afraid I'll wind up alone. That there was no love story waiting for me, or that it would never measure up to anyone else's. I'd spend my nights longing for someone to want to spend time with me, or worse, watching every single one of my friends end up with someone while I didn't. Being this vulnerable with Adam would either be the best thing I'd ever done, or the worst.
I had a feeling it most definitely wouldn't be the worst.
Luckily, Adam seemed to be in agreement.
"Fuck, Eva."
I can't tell what he's groaning at. The way my legs have tightened around his to pull him closer, or the thought that I wanted him the same way. I smile at both, but my smile turns to a scowl when he pulls away.
"Adam?" I blink up at his face, tense with a frustration I haven't seen before, or maybe I'd just not noticed it. He's nowhere near as relaxed as he was after his shower, and he's staring at me like he's not sure this is real. "Is everything okay?"
For an entire three seconds, I'm afraid he'll back out. This seemed like a fairly natural progression of our relationship. I liked him, he liked me, he'd saved my life, and shown up in Amity of his own free will. I can already feel the crushing weight of his imaginary rejection, and I'm not quite sure I'll be able to look at him if he gets up and leaves.
"I um, yeah, Eva everything is good. I just…this is you and me right?" He fumbles with his words, and I wonder if he's asking if I've invited someone else over. That feels a little outside the realm of my experience, considering the most I've done is kiss him.
"Yeah, um, is there supposed to be someone else here?" I stare up at him in total concern, but his eyes widen.
"No! Eva, I just meant…this is…you haven't done this with anyone else, have you?" Adam stumbles over these words, and I have to stop myself from laughing. It was cute he thought I had any experience, because I'd told him before that I hadn't. In fact, most of the boys in Dauntless seemed to think that looking in my direction would send my father after them, and they weren't wrong.
Good thing he was currently factions away, probably scowling into the darkness as my mother gloated that Adam had come back for me.
"No," I shake my head. "Just you. You're the first for everything."
His grin is immediate, warm and pleased and it mirrors mine.
An hour later, or maybe less, maybe more, the grin is gone from my face.
It's replaced with something else, a groan of pure frustration and agony, as Adam moves his fingers away from me. Well, he keeps them near me, his teeth digging into the skin of my neck and his fingers back against the inside of my thighs, and I could kill him. Murder him right here, in the middle of Amity, and no one would ever know.
Someone would ask questions eventually, but that's not important now.
"Adam! Don't stop!"
My protest is lost in everything. The dark room, his body mostly covering mine, my feet on his calves, pushing against him so he'll go back to what he was doing.
"I swear if you don't…"
"Sorry, Eva." He has the audacity to laugh; he leans away from me to kiss me, and roughly moves my hair out of my eyes. He's on his side, leaning on one arm, and his eyes are dark as he gazes down at me. Lit up by the low glow of the fire, his cheeks are red and his expression is pleased.
"I had no idea you were so impatient." Adam's grin is amusing, both sneaky and secretive, because he was just as impatient.
Once he was sure he wasn't being compared to anyone else -though really, would there have been any comparison-, he didn't waste any time. He pulled my underwear down, and I reached for his. I took a second to appreciate what Zander's training had done for him. My fingers trailed over his stomach; over the definition of every muscle he'd worked to create and then some. I grazed over his hip bones, over the waistband of his boxers, and then I pulled them down before he could say my name.
The nerves should have kicked in then.
I wasn't exactly sure what to do next. I had long drowned out my mother's sex talk, because at the time I found it to be eye roll inducing, but at least she'd taught me that whatever I was going to do, make sure it was with someone I cared about.
I didn't think I could possibly care any more about Adam than I did now.
I reached for him, focusing on the way his eyes flew open and his jaw went slack, as I took the length of him in my hand.
"Eva…"
He tried to say my name, but it was a mumble of something that sounded like it mixed with a groan. I sat up in hopes of having a better vantage point, and it made a world of difference. His erection was hard in my hand, but slick and hot and surprisingly wet. It didn't take me long to figure out what he liked, and it took even less time for him to push me away, mumbling that he didn't want to come in my hand.
Which was how I wound up beneath him, moaning while his fingers moved between my legs. To both our surprise, he was fairly skilled at it, and my whole world burned a little brighter. Suddenly, the idea of sleeping in his bed with nothing happening, for so long, was stupid. It was a terrible, rotten idea, and if I could, I would go back in time and kick myself for not agreeing to this sooner. If I'd had any idea it felt this good, his hand between my legs, rubbing in intense concentration over my clit, I would have skipped the pajama shorts a long time ago.
Eventually, the feeling became too much. Too hot, too colorful, too exquisite, until he moved his hand away and I felt an intense rush of loss.
"I'm not impatient!" I try to glare at him, but it's lost when he reaches over to kiss me, then shoves me back against the pillows. "You stopped when…"
It's hard to talk with him over me.
His mouth moves against mine, but it's not enough of a distraction to not feel him pushing my legs apart. I open them willingly, too worked up to dare think of stopping any of this.
"When what?" Adam asks, but he's not really listening. I feel the head of his erection right between my legs, and he only pauses to look at me. "Eva?"
"Yeah?" I look up at him, unable to tear my stare away, and one of his hands touches my temple. The gesture is sweet and slow, and he moves my hair back again, so he can really look at me. He locks eyes with me, and his hand finds mine.
"I'm glad it's you."
"I'm really glad it's you," I answer, and my hands desperately try to grasp onto his hair. I lose, mostly because he's staring so intensely that I almost look away, and because he moves closer, shoving his hips against mine while his fingers slide between my own.
And then, he's inside me.
For a second, we both stay perfectly still. The feeling is like nothing I've ever felt before. A second of sharpness that isn't all that sharp, then him, as close to me as anyone could ever get. He drops his head down to kiss my forehead, and he stays there, not saying anything. For a single moment, there is nothing but him and I, the sound of his heart beating, and the fire crackling.
"Adam?"
I suddenly wonder if something's wrong. Maybe it didn't feel good or he was expecting something else.
"Yeah?" Adam answers me, but his voice is strained, and he barely gets the word out. "Eva, are you okay?"
I nod against him, and once he has my silent encouragement, everything happens.
He moves slowly at first, thrusting in and out until he's sure I'm good, then harder. The feeling is indescribable in a way I haven't experienced. Hours ago in the garden, I was sure I was going to die, and now I'm certain I'm about to die. I lose the ability to think rational thoughts, only dimly realizing this feels good, but mostly importantly, right.
"Fuck, Eva, I don't know…I don't know how long…"
I can hear Adam saying things, all kinds of blasphemy about how he isn't going to last much longer, but I'm not listening. My hands move on their own, grabbing on to whatever part of him I can find because I want him closer. They skim greedily through his hair, over his shoulders, down his back, and I dig my nails into his skin. I like seeing how he reacts; each touch seems to elicit a different response, and he slowly loses it second by second.
I try to memorize every expression he makes.
I reach up to touch his face when he screws his eyes shut, and my fingers find his lips, lingering there until he opens his eyes. They are so dark they nearly look black, but they are heavy with everything he can't say. Lusty and on fire, but soft enough that I know this isn't just for tonight.
Not by a long shot.
"You feel really good," Adam manages to get out, and he slows down. I dislike the feeling of him pulling out of me. I whimper until he's back inside me, slamming his whole body against mine. I try not to cling to him, but then I decide I don't care. He's buried deep inside me, and I want him closer, oh so much closer. "So good…"
"Please don't stop," I groan up at him, sort of overwhelmed by the feeling of him and I, but I like it. I feel like I'll never feel this close to anyone, and the fact that it's him makes it all the better. "Adam…I…"
I don't get to finish my sentence. Adam is moving faster, his hands and mouth everywhere, and I'm dimly aware of a low tightening sensation in my stomach.
"Eva, I'm really close…"
I think that's what he says, but I'm not sure. I groan when he hits something deep inside me, and it sends a wave of intense euphoria through me.
"Okay, just don't stop." I say the words pleadingly, not caring that he hasn't answered me. He's pinned me beneath him, just like that one time on the mat, only this is so much better. I can feel every inch of his skin warmed by me, and every inch of him. I like the feeling of all of it: his breathing coming in sharp, choppy pants, his arms trembling as he struggles not to give in, and the low groan growled into my neck. His lips find mine again, desperate and sloppy and pleading, and I know he's really close.
This is far better than I ever could have imagined.
"I…oh fuck…"
I realize I may never hear what he's about to say. He says something, warm and sweet and against my lips, but I miss it entirely. I catch my name right as everything feels just a little too good. There's some fumbling on his part, one of his hands slipping between us, and the next second everything in me tenses up. My whole world goes blindingly white, and I feel like I've drunk a gallon of peace serum and then some.
It lasts longer than expected. The feeling stretches through every single nerve in my body, until it starts to wane.
When all that's left is a warm, buzzy feeling, I open my eyes to Adam groaning and I feel his whole body crash against mine. He thrusts in and out of me a few more times before his own orgasm takes over, and he gracelessly collapses on top of me, saying my name over and over.
"Eva…are you…did you…?"
He's still talking, slowly blurting questions out, but his head is on my chest and he's definitely not moving anytime soon.
I reach for him, my movements slow and unhurried. My hands find his hair, moving to touch his temple, and I can feel his breathing slow down. He swallows thickly as his eyes shut, and I keep my hand there, holding him against me.
I don't want him to move.
In the hazy aftermath of sleeping with him, really and truly sleeping with him, I find myself drunk off how good everything feels. Not just having sex with him, but the vulnerability on both our parts.
And the sex.
I have to admit it was pretty good, considering neither of us knew what we were doing.
"I'm um…you should…"
Adam is still mumbling, his body heavy over mine, and it dimly occurs to me that someone had told him something. I try to picture which friend had given him advice, and if they knew it was for when he was with me. There's a moment of horror as I wonder if it was Jason, but then I realize that out of anyone in the faction, he'd have been the most trustworthy and the least embarrassing to talk to.
"Thanks for coming back to Amity," I mumble, and I try to keep my own eyes open.
I fail.
The weight of today finally hits me, but not like it normally would. If I were back in Dauntless, I'd be wracked with the need to set things right. I'd want to find Blythe and make her stop her plan to kill me, and I'd want to make sure my parents were fine. I'd be too worried to sleep, too scared that Peter might find his way into Dauntless, and too tense to do anything more than overthink it.
But tonight, I don't feel any of that.
I feel nothing but Adam still lying with his head on my chest, my fingers working through his hair in a soft, endless pattern, and the sound of the incoming storm. I feel happy; totally content and undeniably a little high off what happened, and I want to do it all over again.
But I can wait.
Adam falls asleep first, his eyes closed and one of his hands curled around mine, and I fall asleep right along with him.