It hurts but I cannot blame him either. It's very unladylike to be associated with people like Lucas but I don't regret it for once. He's a nice person with an odd occupation. He has helped me so many times and kept me safe from the rebels and my own people. Still, the way Haymitch looked at me hurts a lot. It's like his eyes were telling me he doesn't know me anymore. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a woman with minimal makeup, no wigs, dark circles around the eyes and dressed incredibly plain. Who am I? Even I don't know the answer to that anymore.
Peeta thankfully didn't ask any questions about what happened. He knows I'm upset and he learns to not press me about it. We have developed some sort of shorthand which is great. After lunch, I told them I am going to town to meet someone. Johanna already knew who I'm going to meet but she didn't mention anything to Katniss and Peeta.
Lucas is already waiting for me in the bar when I got there. He got a drink ready for us both which is what he always does when we're meeting.
"Lucas, thank you for coming on such short notice", I said as I sat next to him.
"Drop the pleasantries, Trinket. I'm not one of your Capitol associates", he greeted back.
I rolled my eyes around. He's not very well-mannered.
"Everything is already taken care of. No one will know what happened and the hotel owner thought he already checked himself out leaving a bunch of cash", he informed me.
"How much do I owe you?" I asked. That cash came out of his pocket for sure.
"You owe me nothing aside from the truth. Why are you hiding here?" he answered then asked me back.
I should've known he will be interested on why I'm in District 12. He knows I never liked the smell here and yet here I am residing at Victors' Village.
"I'm not hiding. Well…I came here for Peeta's birthday which happened few weeks ago. The Capitol has never been kind to me ever since after the war. You know that. When Haymitch asked for me to take my time here, I accepted. It doesn't mean it's easier here. It's not", I answered.
He looked at me carefully like he's trying to search for something else.
"What?" I asked.
"Haymitch Abernathy…is he good to you?" he asked me back.
Lucas' protective nature coming out. Haymitch is deadly. That is for sure but Lucas is way more deadly. I've seen it firsthand.
"He is. He has trouble when Kyle arrived and I was forced to tell him the truth. I think things shifted a little bit not that I can hold that against him. He has every right to be shocked", I answered.
He chuckled pretty loudly.
"Of course, he will be shocked. Even I was shocked when I found out about it. You're Effie Trinket for fuck's sake. You're the Capitol darling and to know you can do what you did, it's pretty shocking", he exclaimed.
I got so embarrassed that I bowed my head and almost finished my drink if it not for him stopping my hand.
"I am not mocking you, girl. I admired what you did for your friends. It's why I stuck by you and did everything I can to protect you. You're not like the others. You have a heart. You always have", he said.
"I am not sure about the last part. I killed people Lucas. Those people in the cell, the other rebels. They didn't do anything wrong. They're even nice to me when we were there but I still killed them because I felt so selfish. I couldn't let them hurt Johanna and Peeta so did what Kyle told me too. I killed my colleagues in the games. I got tons of bloods on my hands, Lucas. What would that make me?" I asked.
He turned serious and held my hands.
"We all got blood on our hands, girl. Nothing can justify murder but your intentions were way better than Kyle or Snow or even Coin. You did what you have to do to save your friends and to be alive. It won't erase the blood but it's what sets you apart from those monsters who ruined people's lives", he said.
Lucas sometimes surprised me. He's not very vocal when it comes to comforting someone but there are times when he just is and it always takes me by surprise. He put a smile on my face.
"Thank you, Lucas", I said and he gently gave my hand a squeeze.
"Anytime, Trinket, just please don't go killing Capitol citizen in a frenzy. I thought I taught you better than that", he teased.
When talking to him, killing sounded a lot more casual which is wrong in so many ways but it helps with making me feel better.
"Go talk to him", he suddenly said.
"Who?" I asked.
"Abernathy. Talk to him. He's not the usual type of man you encountered back in the Capitol and he might be extreme sometimes but I know he means well and he cares about you because if he doesn't, he won't be able to put up with you for years", he answered.
Part of me knows that to be true. We hated each other when we first met but we gradually lost that hate over time and now I am living under his roof.
"You're right. I know you're right", I muttered in defeat.
"Damn right, I am. I am never wrong, dear", he exclaimed and the chuckled.
"You're leaving now, aren't you?" I asked and he stopped laughing. He is going back to the Capitol and live underground.
"One of us has to, girl. I'm going to try to keep the demons and monsters at bay so they won't get to you", he answered.
He didn't say much but I got exactly what he's trying to say.
"Thank you, Lucas", I replied.