My dear little broccolis 💚💚💚

💚 So remember that this pic is RATED M, and it is not only for the sexy times. Some dark moments will be approached in this story, and they can trigger some people. This is a fair warning to remind you that this story sets place in a dark world, which means it is bound to mountains dark themes.

Love, Mina 💚💚💚

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Chapter 26: What Made Raymond Steele The Father He Is (11,2K!)

‼️IF YOU'RE A GUEST REVIEWER

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💚 So, you have been waiting for this point-of-view since …. Forever I think. And though this chapter is Raymond's point-of-view, it will be filled with flashbacks. You have to take this chapter more as a bonus chapter, than anything else. Mostly because Christian will only know one thing coming out of this chapter. Which I will highlight to you, so pay attention to the little notes.

💚 Moreover, I want you to pay real attention to this chapter and the relationship that Raymond have with the people in his life, because this chapter really helps us understand the man he is, and the why he is the way he is. And pay attention to the time jumps as well. Well, pay attention to the chapter as a whole, haha

💚 And of course, given the length, I didn't have time to edit anything, so be nice. If you see something terrible, be dear broccolis, and let me know.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

22 years ago

(remember Christian owns the apartment that used to belong to Raymond)

Raymond looked at his young son, sticking his tongue out as he was being careful not to step over the line. He was trying to find the right words to tell his son, but nothing came to his mind, which annoyed him. He always had a way with words, able to put into words every single thought and emotions that came to him, and here he was at a loss of words in front of a three years old.

With a sigh, he crouched, looking at the Mickey Mouse colouring his son was so invested in, and Mike said with all the seriousness of the world, "Dad! You're blocking my light!"

Raymond chuckled, shaking his head as he moved a little to the side so his son could enjoy the natural sunlight, and he told him, "I was thinking that we could spend the afternoon together."

At those words, Mike turned a happy face to him, revealing all his teeth, before a frown shaded his face. "But we are Wednesday. You always go back to work on Wednesdays," He accused.

Being a single father with the activities he had was not an easy thing, and Raymond was ever so grateful to have Elena and Eric by his side to help him. Too often for his taste, he had to leave his son, to travel, for late nights, for impromptu 'business meetings'; and he disliked every single one of those times. Which was why he always made a point to have lunch with his son every single day, and spend a little time with him. Even if it was just watching him colour a silly drawing.

"I decided that I would not work this afternoon," He let the young boy know. "I am seeing a friend this afternoon, and I wanted you to come with me."

Mike pouted a little, returning his attention to his drawing, and this little gesture gave Raymond a pinch in his heart. It wasn't much the pouting that upset him, but more that his son was upset, and that he tried to hide, just like he used to do when he was young, by focusing on something else.

"You don't want to come with me?" Raymond inquired, and Mike shrugged, not looking away from his Mickey Mouse.

"I don't want to go and be bored because you talk work with your friend," He admitted. Raymond smiled at that, and got up as he said with a light tone,

"You're right. You should stay here with your colouring and your plain water, whilst my friend and I go to the park and get ourselves some ice-cream. I heard that there might even be a movie later on …"

Mike immediately took the bait, standing on his feet at the speed of light as he exclaimed, "Ice-cream? I'm coming, I'm coming!"

His enthusiasm made his father chuckle before he got up and ruffled his hair as he told him, "Go find Edna and tell her that you're leaving with me."

Mike rushed out upstairs, screaming for his nanny, and Raymond sat on the sofa waiting for his son to come back down. He closed his eyes, straining his ear to listen to his son marvel at the fact that he was going out for ice-cream and taunting his nanny about it. Edna was really strict, and not very fond on giving sugar foods to children. But she liked Mike very much and cared for him just the way Raymond expected her to do so, so he kept her. He even liked the fact that she had restrictions for the boy, and did not give him everything he wanted, just because he said so.

He heard the nanny tell the boy to stand still so she could comb his hair, and Mike argue that his hair was just fine since she did it in the morning, and he couldn't help but smile. Those were the moments he liked the most in his life, the little mundane moments he had with his son, reminding him that the only important thing there was in this world, it was his family.

Mike stumbled back downstairs, and brightly smiled to his father as he ran to the door, "I'm ready, Dad! Let's go."

"What did I say about running in an apartment?" Edna chastised, putting her fists on her hips and giving the young boy the big eye. Mike looked down, and apologised whilst Raymond put his coat on.

"Don't wait for us, Edna. Enjoy your afternoon," Raymond let her know as he took his son's hand in his, and they exited the apartment.

Mike did not say a word in the car ride, though Raymond could see his excitement of going out for ice-cream. It was after all, his son's weakness. Ice-cream, and dragon toys. still, he was rather nervous as to how this day will go, and he hoped it will go for the better. This particular meeting could change his life for the better, or the duller.

Once they reached destination, he found Carla waiting for the two of them on a bench near the park, and a smile immediately illuminated his face.

Carla was like an angel that came into his life three months ago. She was sweet, caring, loving, and most of all, understanding. From the moment he met her, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and so he had been honest about who he was, and though she did not welcome that part of his life with open arms, she still understood.

But here was the thing, he was not alone anymore, and he had to put his child's happiness before his own. If Mike didn't want to include Carla in their little family, Raymond would understand and back away from the gorgeous brunette, though he hoped it would not come to that.

When she saw the two of them, Carla waved at them, and Mike tugged on his father's arm, "Is she your friend?"

"Yes, she is."

Mike made a face, a small pout on his lips as he pointed out, "You could have told me. I would have let Edna comb my hair nice. I look like Goofy."

Raymond repressed a laugh, and they closed the distance between them and Carla, who immediately crouched so she could be at the same level as Mike. She brightly smiled at the blond boy, and introduced herself, "Hello, Michael. I am Carla, and I'm so pleased to meet you. I have heard so much about you."

"Really?" Carla nodded, making the young boy smile, and he let go of his father's hand to take the brunette's. "You know, you can call me Mike."

"In that case, you can call me Car," She let the young blond know, and Raymond frowned for he never heard that nickname before. Mike grinned, and repeated the given name.

And just like that, Mike completely forgot about his father as they spent the afternoon at the park, eating ice-cream and flying from swings. Raymond had to admit, it was the first time he was seeing his son like that, running all over the place and laughing without end; and he vouched to himself that no matter the outcome of this day, he will take it upon himself to take his son out more often.

Sure he spent time with him, but it was for barely an hour, and it was clear that Mike needed more than that. He also made a mental note to ask Elena and Edna if Mike acted like that when he was alone with either of them. He watched his son have fun, tugging more than once on Carla's hand for her to push him on the swing, or for him to tell her a special story, and hope lit up his heart. Maybe they could all end up being a family together.

After the three of them had dinner together at Raymond's restaurant, the two Steeles told their goodbyes to the brunette, and Raymond assured her that he would call her the next day. During their ride home, Mike marvelled again and again on how great of a day it was, until he fell asleep on his father's laps. Once in front of his building, Raymond took his son in his arms, and took him home, where he found Elena and Eric waiting for him, each holding a glass of wine.

Raymond shook his head, and went to tuck in his son who was dead to the world, before going back downstairs.

"So? Did Mike like Carla?" Eric asked, pouring a glass of wine to his long time friend.

"He adored her. I think he actually forgot about me at some point."

The three adults laughed, and Raymond explained what happened during the afternoon, and how much Mike enjoyed having a new friend who listened to him and his stories about dragons. "He almost had a heart attack when she told him that where she came from, dragons had still an impact on the way people view life."

"So? When are you going to pop the question, then?" Elena asked, and Raymond smiled to his glass.

He loved Carla, and he knew that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life, and for her to have his children. He wanted to give her the world, and even more. But there was still one problem, "I still did not talk to Mike about it."

"You said that he liked her," Eric pointed out, and Raymond nodded, before explaining,

"He likes her, but I want to give him more than one outing for him to know her. This is huge for him. If Carla and I are to get married, she will become part of our family, and I want to make sure Mike is okay with that."

"What if he says no?" Eric challenged, perfectly aware that Raymond had been smitten by Carla from day one; and as hard as it was to admit it, Raymond uttered,

"Then I will respect my son's wish."

Eric was about to argue, when Elena cut him down, "This is what it means to be parent, you put your child first, no matter how much it hurts."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

22 years ago

Raymond walked inside his apartment, exhausted, but happy to be home. That past month had been horrible with drug dealers, and one of the casinos he had in Vegas had been plagued with several cases of people counting cards, to the point where he and Eric had to go there to put their foot down and change both manager and security there.

On the counter of the kitchen, he found an apple pie, next to which there was a note from Carla, which made his heart warm and his lips smile.

Mike and I baked this for you

But since the two of us have a sweet tooth

We already ate half of it

And Mike says that there better be some left for his breakfast

So enjoy a tiny piece of it

Love, Carla

He cut himself a piece, making sure to leave enough for the morning, and engulfed it as if nothing. Carla and Mike had grown closer over the past couple of months since they first saw each other. In fact, they often spent time together, without Raymond since he was too busy working. Carla had become Mike's favourite topic. He could talk for hours about what he did with her, or how well she could paint, or how he loved when she was reading stories because she made funny voices. Raymond could tell with the shadow of a doubt that his son adored his lover.

After taking a shower to wash away the journey, Raymond erased into his bed, where he was soon disturbed by his son who was looking at him with tears in his eyes. "I had a nightmare."

Raymond softly smiled at his son and motioned him to come to the bed. Mike rushed there, looking behind his shoulder if no monster followed him, and he snuggled against his father, looking for comfort.

"Was your nightmare that terrible?"

"There was a huge ladybug that wanted to squash us all! And she was blue!"

Raymond gently rubbed his son's arm, comforting him as he smiled at the silliness of the young boy's nightmare, and once the sobs finally ended, Mike said with a small voice,

"I'm glad you're back. I was lonely."

"Didn't Carla come to visit you?"

"She did, but then she left. And Edna is no fun like you or Car."

Raymond remained silent for a moment, looking at the silhouette of his son, before he let the young boy know, "What if Carla came here to live with us?"

Mike's head rose up, and looked at Raymond, "She could do that?"

"She could be part of our family. She could be your new Mommy, and we wouldn't need Edna anymore," Raymond reasoned, and this made Mike sit down, forcing Raymond to switch on the light of his bedside to see his son. Mike's face was all rumpled, focused on what his father had just told him.

For a long moment, the young boy thought, before he shook his head with denial, "I don't want Car to be my new mommy. I want her to be Car, just Car."

"So you wouldn't mind if she joined the family?" Raymond inquired, a part of him touched by the way his son was seeing Carla. She was a special friend to the little boy.

"Are you going to marry her? Is she going to live here like Aunt Elena and Uncle Eamon?" Mike asked with suspicion, squatting his eyes in this adorable way he did, when he was sure to have uncovered a mystery only known by adults.

"I am going to marry her," The father confirmed, sitting up in his bed, and reaching for his nightstand. "Do you want to see the ring?"

Mike eagerly nodded, and took the small box in his small hands, examining the piece of jewellery, as if he was an expert on the matter. "I thought there would be a dragon on it," He said with disappointment, before quickly asking, his eyes sparkling with wonder, "Can I give it to her?"

Raymond laughed, ruffling his son's hair and he switched the light back off, making a mental note to let Carla know that he had some competition in the courtship of her person.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

21 years ago

Raymond watched as the cargo sailed away, filled with weaponry on their way to Cuba. He and Eric had had a rough past week, but all he could think of was going back home to his wife and son after a long week of absenteeism.

He had married six months ago, and the happiest person about that union was Mike. He adored Carla, and Carla loved the little boy as if he were her own. Their relationship had developed so much, that sometimes, Raymond felt like he was the outsider out of the three of them. Carla never tried to replace his mother in Mike's heart (even though he actually had no memory of his birth mother), and Mike always refused to call her Mom. Like he would often say, Carla was just Car, his special friend.

Elena often joked that Mike was at this age were Oedipus complex came, and that Raymond should beware of what Mike could put in the cookies he would make with Carla. Especially after Ethan had declared that when he would be older, he would marry his mother, and keep his father around as a butler. This ought to make their little circle of friends laugh for a few days, at the young boy's expense.

Raymond had complete trust in Carla and the education that she would give his son, which was why he let go of Nanny Edna (to Mike's greatest pleasure). Carla had a very patient nature toward Mike and was far less strict that the nanny he used to have. And most importantly, Carla was there for Mike, when Raymond wasn't. She witnessed the loss of his first tooth, his first cast when he fell off the swing, and most importantly, his first fight.

And this ought to bring an argument between Carla and Raymond. When Raymond came home that night and learnt that his son had been beaten up, his first reaction was to ask if he fought back. then, he gave his son a lecture of how life wasn't all pink, and that how he should never give up on a fight, and always make sure to come out triumphant out of it.

That night, when Mike was put to bed, Carla argued with Raymond, telling him that he shouldn't be so harsh on a four years old.

"Life isn't sweet, Carla. The sooner he learns it, the better," Raymond had retorted, the painful memory of his own experience stinging his heart.

"It isn't about sweet or not. It is about your son being only four! All he needed was a hug and words of reassurance, not his father telling him that he didn't fight good enough!"

"As I said, the sooner the better," Raymond had repeated, to which Carla had crossed her arms on her chest, and asked,

"And if Mike had been a girl, would you have been so keen to give her the same advice?"

This had had the merit to make Raymond think twice about his answer. When they were young, both Eric and him often went to extraordinary lengths to protect Elena, whether it was to pass by her school every now and then to make sure no one bothered her, or hide some difficulties of life to her. But Raymond always liked to think that it was more because she was younger, than because she was a girl.

But a part of him had always been grateful that his first child had been a boy. He would get to protect his younger siblings, and now, Raymond had an heir for his empire. And though he would have given the reins of his company to his child, boy or girl, there was this part of him that was relieved that it was a boy.

"I would have. Life is hard, Carla, and … he should get used to this. He is going to run this whole organisation one day."

Carla had known very early on in their relationship what kind of activities Raymond did in the dark, and even though she was that caring socialite, helping every single soul she met, she accepted him as he was. And when he asked her to marry him, he told her that he wouldn't hide this part of his life to his children either, to which she agreed, saying that it was better for their children to know first hand, than to learn it from somebody else.

With a shudder, Raymond shook himself out of his memory, and took leaf from Eric before getting a cab back to his building. It was Mike's birthday the next day, and Carla had been very adamant about how neither of them would forgive Raymond if he missed on that day. She had prepared a whole birthday party, with the theme of dragons, and had demanded that he was present for his son's fifth birthday. Especially after learning that he missed out on the last one.

When he got home, he found the pair eating cookies in front of a kid movie, and he silently made his way to the sofa, surprising the both of them when he sat next to them. Carla jumped, and slapped his arm, she hated when he appeared out of nowhere, and how it scared her, but Raymond couldn't help himself to do it again. He loved seeing how her eyes passed from fright to pure love in an instant, and if a small slap on his arm was the price to pay, he would gladly pay it.

Mike jumped on his father's laps, knocking the air out of his lungs, and excitedly told him, "Today was the best day ever!"

Raymond rose an eyebrow at his son, and rectified him, "You mean tomorrow."

Mike solely shook his head and exchanged a mischievous smile with Carla as he opened his robe and explained, "No. Today was better than tomorrow. Car bought me a new shirt."

Raymond smiled before he even looked at the shirt, sure that his son was exaggerating, like most children his age usually did. But then, his eyes landed on the marking of the shirt, and his heart started beating like it was about to explode of joy. It was a plain white shirt, but the letters on it formed: "I'm the big brother."

He turned his head to his wife for confirmation, and she happily smiled before swiftly kissing his lips. And at that right moment, Raymond couldn't think of a moment he had been any happier. Mike bounced on his father's laps, all excited for his Dad to finally be in the secret.

"Car said that she would get a big tummy like Aunt Elena, and even bigger! And that I would get to have a baby brother or sister. But I already have Ethan, so I want a baby sister. And I will get to show her tricks, like how to make dragons with your hands, just like Car taught me. And she will be my baby sister, so no one will ever take her away from me! And I will be a very good boy, and I will protect her. And …"

Raymond let his son keep on talking about how everything would be even better after the baby was born, and he couldn't help the happy smile that was on his face. He would have to look for houses big enough to take in his growing family. He had always wanted a big family, and Carla didn't oppose to it. She said that she herself coming from an only child family, she didn't want the same for her kids. She was not up for ten children, but she was ready to have more than a couple of kids.

And finally, they had their second one in the making …

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

20 years ago

"It's to wonder who's most excited about meeting your little girl," Eric joked as he watched Mike hop from one foot to the other, impatient for the elevator to open its door.

Carla had given birth to a healthy baby girl during the night, and Raymond had told his son the news first thing in the morning, after having spent the night by his wife's side whilst she was pushing their little girl into this world. And ever since he had heard that his baby sister had finally arrived, Mike had not been able to stop talking and jumping all over the place. He had insisted that they go by a florist to bring roses, and that they bought a teddy bear, because he saw it in a movie.

He was beyond excited, and this was why, when they reached the door of Carla's room, Raymond crouched and looked deep in his son's green eyes. If Mike had taken anything after his mother, it was her eyes.

"Son, Carla is really tired, so you have to behave in there." Mike nodded with eagerness, already reaching for the handle, but Raymond stopped him once again, "And you have to keep your voice down for the baby."

"Like when I visit Ethan?" Mike asked, referring to the little sister Ethan got himself a few months ago.

Raymond nodded, and Mike put on his serious face. Eric smiled at this little man trying suddenly to hide his excitement and told Raymond that he would visit Carla some other time, giving them some family moment. When Raymond opened the door, it seemed that Mike forgot all about his seriousness, and rushed to Carla, jumping on the bed and hugging her tight.

"How is my favourite man?" She asked, hugging him back.

She smiled at her husband who kissed her forehead, before putting the giant bouquet of roses that he bought with Mike, on her bedside. Then, he looked at the baby sleeping in her crib, barely bothered by the commotion that just happened, and though he knew he should let her sleep, he couldn't help but take her in his arms and sit next to his wife.

Mike looked at the new member of his family from Carla's arms, and she told him, "Meet your baby sister, Mike."

"I thought she would look like me. Kate looks like Ethan," He accused, betrayal sipping in his tone as his eyes analysed the little baby.

She was a brunette like her mother, and her skin was so fair, that one could see her little veins beneath it. Mike, on the other hand looked a lot like his father, which he was very proud of. He liked to introduce himself like a 'mini-Dad'. His skin was white as well, but it was far from being as white as the baby's, and his hair was so blond that he could pass for a Swedish boy.

His face was all rumpled with disappointment, but when he reached to touch the baby's face, she grabbed his finger and opened her eyes. They were blue, like her mother's, but Mike didn't seem to notice. He was mesmerised by the baby, and even more when her lips turned up.

"She smiled at me!" He marvelled with delight, and though they smiled, both Raymond and Carla kept for themselves that it was simply a reflex smile and that it would a few months before she really smiled, "It's because she knows I'm her big brother and that I love her," He paraded, and he was rewarded by a kiss from Carla.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

17 years ago

"Daddy! Help! Mike is trying to curse me!" Ana yelled, running to her father's arms as soon as he was in sight.

Raymond crouched and shielded her with his arms, making her giggle, and make Mike heave as he exclaimed that it wasn't fair. He was holding a stick that he probably renamed wand, and was out of breath, probably for running after his little sister. The young boy smiled at his father, and though Raymond tried to give him back his smile, his heart wasn't in it.

"Where is Car? She was supposed to come home," Mike inquired, looking at the front door behind Raymond, and being highly disappointed when he saw that there was only Eric behind his father.

"What's with the face, kid? Aren't you happy to see me?" Eric joked around, seeing the long face that his Godson was giving him, and Mike simply shrugged, hiding his emotions behind a blank face as he countered,

"I'd be happier if Car were home."

"Where is Mama?" Ana inquired from her father's arms, and he lifted her up, walking further into the house as he explained both his children,

"She is still at the doctor. She should come back home by the end of the week."

"And when she'll come back, I'll be a big sister, like Mike?" Ana asked with a bright smile, that tore Raymond's heart.

Carla had been six months pregnant when she had a miscarriage. The doctors had been unable to tell what caused it, giving the excuse that sometimes, babies weren't strong enough and miscarriages were simply the way of life. And though Raymond kept his cool in front of his wife, he was far from pleased with that answer.

Carla was now still at the hospital, unconsolable with Elena staying by her side whilst Raymond ought to spend some time with their children. And he was the one who had to break the news that whatever baby sibling they were supposed to have, will never cross that threshold.

"About that … I am afraid that I have some bad news, kids," Raymond said, sitting his daughter on the counter of the kitchen, and taking his son's hand in his.

He opened his mouth, but no word came out. He couldn't tell them when they had been expecting this arrival with even more eagerness than him. This was actually that he had noted over the years. He never had any problems putting thoughts into words, or getting rid of feelings when he was working, but as soon as it became personal, he would become a staggering mess. Moreover, Carla was always the one to handle strong news like that. She was the one who handled Santa for Mike, and who explained to Ana why she was not formed like her brother. Carla always had the right words, and Raymond simply followed suit, but this was something he had to do without her.

"Your sibling has gone to a better place, where he will be waiting for you to come and live with him when you get older," Eric said with a sympathetic tone, taking over on announcing the bad news to the kid.

Raymond frowned a little, because this notion of an afterlife was bound to bring the question of religion, and he knew for a fact that he was not ready for that matter without his wife. Ana and Mike turned their head to their Godfather, not sure they understood before Mike uttered with horror,

"The baby is dead?!" Then he turned his head to his father, anger colouring his juvenile features, "You said that it was nothing!"

"We thought it was nothing. But sometimes, life works in some mysterious ways," Eric defended his friend.

When they went to the hospital the day before, it was simply because Carla wasn't feeling so good, and that Raymond wanted to reassure by having a doctor telling her that everything was fine. Of course, he had never been so wrong in his life. It was probably one of those maternal instincts that warned Carla in a way Raymond couldn't fathom.

Raymond closed his eyes, grateful that his friend was here to help him in this moment of grief, for he knew he would have miserably failed to have the soft words Eric just had for the kids. He felt Ana kiss his cheek, and she told him with her sweet little voice, "It's okay, Daddy. Didn't you hear Uncle Eric? He said we will see our baby brother later on when we go to the better place too."

Raymond weakly smiled to his daughter who did not understand yet the finality of death, unlike her brother who was looking down on the floor, probably trying to conceal his emotions to the world. This was something that Raymond had noticed Mike would do more and more. He would do his best to keep his emotions to himself, putting an unreadable mask over his face.

Still, Mike walked to his father and hugged him. And in that simple embrace, Raymond knew that Mike understood the depth of the situation way more than Ana did. None of them said a word, silently comforting one another through their touch before Mike took his sister's hand and told her that he would read her a story.

A heavy silence fell on the roof after the children left, and Eric rested a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, giving him reassuring words of hope, "You will get to try again, Raymond. Your family doesn't stop here, you still have many rooms to fill."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

15 years ago

Life had lost all meaning. Raymond couldn't tell how many days he had spent in his room, locked up, and away from the world. All he could remember last doing was going to the coronary, a last spark of hope lit in him. Until the last second, he had hoped that the police was wrong and that it wasn't his wife that was laying in the morgue. But never he had been more wrong in his life.

He didn't even remember how he got home that day. All he remembered was seeing his wife on the metal bed, burnt, part of her hair gone, cloths gripping to the little of skin she still had. And then, everything went black. He assumed Eric took over from there, but he couldn't be sure.

The handle of his door wiggled a little, and Raymond snapped his head up, glaring at the door and whoever was trying to disturb his lonesome moment, before taking his head in his hands when he heard footsteps running away. He knew that it was probably Ana who tried to come into his room, like every day since the dreadful day the news was announced.

But Ana was the last person he wanted to see at this moment. In truth, he did not want to see anyone. He was vegetating in his bed, trying to catch the last scent of Carla in her pillow. He hadn't moved from this room ever since the morgue, and though he knew he should, he wasn't planning on doing anything to change the state he was in.

He did not even go to his wife's funeral, dreading what it meant. Seeing her last resting place gave a finality that he was not ready to deal with. And worse, it gave a closure he did not want. All he wanted was his wife back in his arms, for her to be by his side as they raised their children, for her to be the supporting and loving person she had always been. Not for her to lay six feet underground.

He was torn out of his depressing thoughts by the window being open, and his son climbed in his room. Though he was only eleven, Mike had developed a stealth that Carla had encouraged by enrolling him into climbing lessons. And despite his young age, Raymond had started to let Mike know bit by bit what really made his fortune. Robinson Inc' was something that he planned on leaving the majority to the Kavanagh children. And though his own children would have a small share in the company, Raymond intended for them to take over Idris when the time would come.

Mike watched his father, before taking a water bottle from his messenger bag, as well as a sandwich. He gave them to Raymond, sitting on the edge of the bed, and blankly looking at the empty space where Carla used to sleep. For a moment, the two of them stayed silent, before Mike said with a small voice,

"I'm sorry, Dad. I know how much you loved her."

Raymond didn't reply anything, his heartbreaking at the past tense his son used. Mike adored Carla, that was the one thing that never changed over the years. The two of them had a very chummy relationship that grew over the years, and hearing how Mike who thought the world of Carla, using past tense to describe her was a stab in the heart for Raymond. He was not ready for that, and he doubted that he ever would.

Mike reached for his father and gave him a hug, probably to ease the man's pain. Raymond staid stoic, fighting against his tears, and against his guilt. He was supposed to comfort his son, not the other way around. After a moment, Mike broke their embrace, and walked to the window, telling his father, "Aunt Elena said she's taking Ana to the doctor tomorrow. I thought you should know."

Raymond blinked a little, his paternal instincts taking over his sorrow, and he asked with a crooked voice, "Why?"

"Well … she isn't doing so good. She … lost a lot of weight, and she has nightmares every night. Elena says that maybe the doctor will prescribe sleeping pills," Mike said, avoiding his father's eyes. And though Raymond knew that there was something Mike wasn't telling him, he couldn't bring himself to ask what it was.

So he simply dismissed his son, "Thank you, son. For telling me, and for the sandwich."

Mike left through the window, leaving Raymond alone once again with his dark thoughts, the guilt of failing his children being added to his sorrow. What Mike had spared Raymond from was that he and Ana needed their father and that it was hard for them as well. But even knowing that, Raymond couldn't pass the fact that he missed his wife dearly, and that he would give anything for five more minutes with her.

And this was how he reentered that vicious game he had played ever since policemen had told him that his wife had been burnt alive. What if? What if he had gone with her, instead of staying with Ana and Mike? What if he had asked her to stay, given the fact that she was supposed to see the doctor the next day? What if he had sent Eric to escort her? What if he had not refused to host the event she went to? What if?

This was a vicious game, where all the answers were always delusions meant to hurt more than healing once he would get back to reality, but like an addict to morphine, he kept asking himself those questions, revelling in the little pleasure they gave him when he would summon a perfect scenario in which Carla would still be alive and kicking.

Suddenly, the door barged open, revealing Eric who looked down on his oldest friend with all his might. "It's been two weeks, Raymond! Pull yourself together!"

He stomped to the bed, and tore the covers away, before pulling up the curtains, making Raymond recoil from the sudden light.

"The business is dying, with you hiding here like a wounded animal!" He accused.

"I don't care. Let them take it over."

Eric glared at Raymond, disappointment on his face as he leaned so his face would be to Raymond's face, "And what about your children, Raymond?"

"My children don't need me, they need their mother!" Raymond spat back, getting angry against his friend for bothering his lonesome quiet.

Eric's gaze flared, his temper rising, "Do you know what is happening behind your closed door of self-pity? Your eleven years old son is calling all the shots! Everything that happened in this house is run by an eleven years old! He is forced to do exactly what you wanted to avoid for your children!"

Raymond looked down in shame, but Eric did not let it go at that and kept on antagonising the mourning man, "You have left your children to fend for themselves! They can't mourn properly, because it feels like they are losing more than a mother, they are also losing their father! And this forcing Mike to become a father to his little sister! Did you know that Ana refused to eat ever since the funeral? Did you know that she has night terrors and that Mike is the one to calm her down every night? Did you know that Mike got into more fights at school over the past couple of weeks than in his entire life? In order to protect his little sister! This isn't the childhood you wanted for your children, Raymond!

I came here and found Ana crying in the lounge-room because you refuse to see her. You keep your door close to your own daughter!"

Raymond shook his head, finally admitting to his friend what he didn't want to admit to himself, "I can't Eric. I can't look at her, and …" His voice broke, unable to finish the words.

He loved his daughter more than life itself, but despite her only being five, she was the spitting image of her mother. And looking at her, only reminded Raymond of the person he lost. How was he supposed to look past that? How was he supposed to only see his daughter, when the more she would grow up, the more she would look like her mother?

Eric sat on the edge on the bed and put a friendly hand on the man who had become like a brother to him as he told him with a soothing voice, "I know it hurts, Raymond. I know it looks like life has ended. But once you told me something. When you become a parent, you put your child first. Your children need you, now. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how you feel, your children need you. So it is time for you to put your children first, or so help me, I will take them out of this house, and you will never see them again!"

On those words, Eric got up and left Raymond to reflect on their conversation.

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

13 years ago

Raymond and Eric came home later than supposed to and found the house silent, which did not come as a surprise. It was past midnight, and the nanny had probably put the children to bed since long ago. Especially since Ana had to take her pills at a specific time. Her night terrors hadn't stopped, so the doctor had prescribed her sleeping pills, to numb away the nightmares. A few times, they tried to cut down on the drug, but the nightmares came back right away. Ana didn't like taking the pills. First of all, they were pills, and she would say that her throat was too little to take it. second, it would leave her groggy in the morning for a good hour and sometimes give her headaches.

Eric went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink, and Raymond went to his children to check on them. Mike wasn't in his room, but this was nothing out of the ordinary. Mike seemed to suffer the same affliction as Raymond when it came to saying no to Ana, and Ana often asked to sleep with her brother. So he had no doubts that he would find his son in his daughter's bed. But when he checked on Ana, he only found the brunette sleeping peacefully. He properly tucked her in, before checking the TV-room, to see if Mike hadn't snuck out there to play some video games.

But when Mike still remained missing, Raymond's heart suddenly stopped beating, bile rising in his throat. He went back to his son's room, looking for a sign of infraction before he stormed to his office to call security. But there he found Mike, sitting on his chair and waiting for him, aiming a gun at him.

Relief washed through Raymond, though he rose an eyebrow at his son when he did not lower the weapon upon seeing his father's face. Raymond had started training Mike with shooting practice, a couple of years ago, and Mike turned out to be very good with a gun. He rarely missed his target, moving or not; and Raymond discovered that Mike liked the feeling that holding a deadly weapon in his hands would procure him.

Still, that did not explain why he would point a Smith & Wesson to his father's head.

"It's your fault," Mike hissed, with an obvious pain lingering in his voice. "Car is dead because of you!"

Raymond glanced at the file that was open on the desk, the one proving that the fire in which Carla was dead was arson and that the people involved in that arson were people trying to get back to Raymond. And though Raymond had felt that way for a long time, he did not move or try to dissuade his son for taking the shot.

He remained impassible, watching his son dead in the eye, as Mike was fighting back tears and accused his father, "I lost the most important woman of my life because of your recklessness! Ana lost her mother because of you!"

Mike repressed a sob, repositioning his hand properly so his aim would be true. Raymond had started training him to look into people's past and explained to him how people often kept their darkest secrets close to them. He taught his son how owning a man's secret, was like owning a man; and it seemed that Mike had learnt his lesson well, and broke into his father's office to learn about his deepest secret.

"You don't even deny it! You have the guts to laugh with us when you know Car is dead because of who you are! You might have as well burned her yourself!" Mike spat, gritting his teeth, and securing properly his gun in his hand.

Raymond didn't know why he didn't try to reason his son or at least tried to talk him out of ending his life. Maybe because a part of him hoped that Mike would pull the trigger, for he had never stopped feeling guilty over his wife's death. Or maybe because he felt that he deserved it. Or maybe again, because he felt like Mike wouldn't go as far as to kill him. And he would never know, as Eric appeared in the room behind him, taking the situation in the blink of an eye.

"Mike," He said with a warning. "Lower the gun."

"He killed Car!" Mike cried out, his eyes never wavering from his target as his hands were steadily holding his gun. Eric swiftly glanced at Raymond, slightly frowning when he saw that his friend had not even tried to get himself out of this predicament.

"Your father loved Carla, Mike. Be reasonable. It is written black on white that it was Jackson, and we took care of him. Now put that gun down."

"Why? Car deserves justice! If he wasn't that mobster, Car would still be here with me!"

"Mike …. You don't want to kill your father," Eric declared with a soft soothing voice, sure that his words were true. Mike, on the other hand, seemed to take that statement as a challenge,

"Oh no? Watch me!"

"No, you don't. You can't do that to your sister." This had the merit to make him flinch, and shift his gaze from Raymond to Eric. "You can't do that to her. She already lost her mother, don't make her lose her father, and her brother as well."

"She won't lose me. I'll always be there for her," Mike strongly stated, and Eric shook his head as he pointed out the truth of what might happen,

"If you kill Raymond, you will get arrested. Jail isn't a place for Ana, even if it is to pay you a visit."

"You'd let the cops take me to jail, Uncle Eric."

"I don't know what I would do, Mike. But this is my brother at heart you have at gunpoint. Your father. Ana's father. Can you live with taking away this particular life?"

Mike finally lowered his gun, Eric's words taking roots in his brain. For a moment, the room was still, until Mike hung his head low, and got up from the chair. When he passed in front of his father, he stood next to him for a moment, before his voice filled with venom, he declared,

"I won't break Ana's image of a perfect father. But that does not mean that I'm forgiving you."

He left the room, and Eric followed, leaving Raymond alone for a moment. He walked to his desk, and checked the file, reading over this file that he knew by heart, before folding it and putting it back in its drawer.

"He'll forgive you," Eric knowingly said, putting a drink in front of Raymond.

Raymond shook his head, sitting on his chair as he took his glass and brought it to his lips. "Why should he? I don't forgive myself."

"He has a reason to. He loves you more than you love yourself."

Raymond rose an eyebrow at his long-time friend, subtly reminding him that not even five minutes earlier, his own son had a gun pointed. Eric chuckled, apparently barely moved by the commotion and reminded Raymond,

"That was because he loved Carla more than he loved you. It's always been true, and no matter how many years will pass, it will remain. He adored her. But still, he loves you more than you give him credit for. Just give him time to cool down."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

10 years ago

‼️ (This is the only part Christian learns about) ‼️

After a long week away from home, Raymond got back to his family, already anticipating the next day. Ana has been hovering over the phone all past week to organise Mike's sixteenth birthday. She was very excited about it and had called her father every two minutes to get him to buy yet another thing to make the birthday even more perfect.

Mike, on the other hand, wasn't that thrilled about getting older. But Raymond put this on him entering in his moody phase of being a teenager. The only thing he was really forward to was that he would get to pass his driving licence, and freely drive around, despite his father's protectiveness. This had actually been an epic fight that the two men often breached, with Mike asking Raymond to cut him some slack.

After that night when Mike accused his father of Carla's death, Raymond had trained him even more to take over, and as Eric predicted, Mike forgave his father. Sure he never said the words out loud, but it was obvious that he did. In fact, the only time they had another argument, was when Raymond declared that it was time to form Ana as well and that Mike firmly opposed at the idea. He wanted to keep his sister's innocence and fought Raymond every step of the way, and eventually, Raymond folded and kept his criminal world a secret from his youngest child.

As his ritual, Raymond checked on his children, expecting to surprise Mike, since he was home earlier than planned (thanks to Ana's unstoppable supplications), but his son was not in his bedroom. Raymond didn't let it startle him and simply went to Ana's room, sure to find Mike there, watching over his baby sister. He clearly did not expect to see the view that came to him when he entered her room.

For a mere second, he remained frozen, his heart not believing what his eyes were seeing; before blinding rage took over him. In the blink of an eye, he was by the bed, pulling Michael out of his daughter's bed, and taking him out of her room. As soon as they were in the corridor, he pinned the young man against the wall, his fingers closing dangerously around his trachea.

"What is wrong with you?!" He roared, anger sipping from every single one of his pore. Mike struggled against him, and managed to say between two hallowed breaths,

"It's not what you think! I never touched her!"

"But you jerk yourself while watching her sleep?! What is wrong with you?!" He hurled, kicking the young man's head against the wall. Michael hissed, but Raymond could not care less. His fingers pressed a little tighter the fragile throat between them, when a flash came to Raymond, making him realise that it was his son in front of him, not just some stranger.

He let go of Michael, taking a step back, out of breath. Michael coughed a little, massaging his throat before gathering himself up as best as he could.

"Explain yourself!" Raymond demanded. Michael looked in his eyes, fear playing in the green depth of his own as he stuttered,

"You wouldn't understand. We're meant to be, and I … needed to release tension."

"She's your sister! She's ten!" Raymond exclaimed, not believing his ears, while his insides froze. How many times did he find Mike sleeping next to Ana? What if this ever went further than what he saw? "You're never going to be alone with her," He darkly declared, ready to ship Michael to the edge of the world, to protect his daughter from his perverted mind.

"No! You took Car away from me, you're not taking Ana! She and I are meant to end up together, and there is nothing you can do that will stop me from seeing her!"

Raymond wasn't sure what happened. He couldn't tell what nerve broke to make him act on such raw instinct, when he had always been master of his body, in perfect control of his emotions. All he knew, it was that as soon as those words left Michael's lips, Raymond snapped his neck and made sure that Ana would forever be safe from his perverted delusions.

For the longest time, he stared at his son's dead body, wondering what went wrong for him to think in such a deranged way. But he couldn't understand. Even if he tried to rationalise, and think that Michael's infatuation fro Carla transferred to Ana, it still did not explain how he could think like that of his ten years old sister. Sure, Ana was early for her age, but she was still a child.

With a shake of his head, he moved the body to the next room and called Eric for him to come right away. then, he went to his cellar and took the whiskey that he had reserved for Michael's wedding, and poured himself a glass waiting for Eric. Eric arrived half an hour later, finding his best friend in the room where Michael's body was laying on the floor.

"What happened?!" Eric marvelled, rushing to Michael's side to check his pulp, but refraining when he saw the natural position of his neck.

"I found him in Ana's bed."

"So? He's always in Ana's bed," Eric pointed out, reminding Raymond of how blind he had been all along. He poured himself another glass, and eluded the question by saying,

"I want you to make an appointment for Ana tomorrow. I want the doctor to check if everything is … in order."

Eric gasped of understanding, looking back at Michael laying on the floor. They remained silent for a moment, before Eric murmured, in a dead voice, "Raymond … you killed your son."

"I know," Raymond said with a defeated tone, downing yet another glass of whiskey. He watched Eric get up and start to pace, probably trying to figure out the situation, whereas Raymond already had everything figured out.

"What are you going to tell Ana!?"

"I don't see what you're talking about. Mike ran away, and I am out to find him," Raymond lightly said, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. Eric shook his head, refusing to take part in this masquerade,

"Raymond this is Mike! This isn't she low life guy who owes you money!"

"And don't you think I know that?!" Raymond snapped with anger, clutching his empty glass in his hand. "I didn't mean to. I just saw red. I … He was … His sister, Eric! How many times did we find them in each other's bed?! And all along, he was …" He broke down, unable to finish his sentence.

He wished he could forget all of this, and go back to the peaceful family life he had a few hours ago, only worried of being dragged by his daughter from shop to shop to create the perfect birthday present for her brother.

Eric rested his hand on Raymond's shoulder, comforting him, before he let him know, "Stay with your daughter, tomorrow. I'll get rid of his body."

"No! I can't face Ana without clearing my head first. I'll do it, just take care of my daughter while I'm gone

. .~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

Raymond's PoV

8 years ago

Christian knows nothing of this!

It had been two years since Mike's 'disappearance', and everyone bought it so far. The only people who really knew what happened were Eric and Raymond and though Raymond knew that some people had their doubts about the fact that Michael 'ran away', everyone went along with this official story. The only person who refused to talk about it was Elena, but Raymond knew that it had more to do with the fact that she could sense that the two men were hiding something from her, rather than from the fact that Michael was missing. But he couldn't bring himself to tell her how much he had failed as a parent. Because no matter how much he thought about it, the fault always fell back to him, and he couldn't help but think that he had missed something crucial as a parent for Michael to develop such urges over his sister.

Ana rarely brought up Michael, even though Raymond could tell that she was hurting over the fact that her 'brother had abandoned her'. But he still felt that it was better for her to think that her brother betrayed her and fled, rather than to know what atrocity he tried to commit. Moreover, Raymond figured that Ana had learned her lesson over Carla, and knew better than to ask questions and be faced to a wall. Raymond had never been able to bring himself to talk about his late wife to his daughter, even less after that night when Michael learnt the truth. He had seen pure hatred in the young man's eyes while he was holding him at gunpoint, and he knew he wouldn't bear to see the same expression on his sweet daughter's face.

The only person who asked questions about Michael was Elena, and every time, Raymond did his best to elude her. He was grateful that she never asked Eric, probably thinking that this was an issue that ought to be resolved with Raymond as a parent.

The two of them were actually sitting at The Mile High, drinking some rosé wine whilst waiting for Eric, and talking about mundanities. Eric finally arrived, and Raymond immediately knew that something was wrong. She barely gave their friend the time to sit, that she was already grilling him,

"What did the doctor say?"

Raymond furrowed his brows, not liking hearing those particular words. For as long as he had known Eric, he had been anti-doctor, and every time he went to one, it always ended with bad news. The last one being the doctor telling him that he was sterile. Raymond hadn't even known that Eric was feeling bad enough to go see the doctor.

Eric smiled, trying to elude the question, but Raymond was even less patient than Elena, "Cut the crap! What did he say?"

"How about we order first?"

"Food is already on its way. We're having the special. Now, why are you going to the doc in the first place?"

Eric cleared his throat, sitting properly in his chair before he looked dead in his friends' eyes, "I think we should come clean about some things between us before it's too late."

Elena gasped, bringing one hand to her mouth, and her other to her friend's, squeezing it with sympathy. Raymond, on the other hand, went on denial, and pulled his phone out of his pocket, "Whatever that was, I'm sure there is a cure. There is this German doc—"

"It's cancer. And it's not one that gets cured, Raymond. No matter how much money and power you have."

Eric seemed resigned in his fate, and no matter what either of his friends told him seemed to make him change his mind. He wanted to avoid disintegrating himself in front of his godchildren and certainly didn't want his last image for them to be one of a pitiful man. During the whole meal, Elena tried to reason him and send him to the best doctors in the world, but Eric being Eric, did not want to go see any other doctor than the one that gave him six months, to a year to live.

When dessert came, Eric cleared once again his throat and said, "I think this is time we clear some things between you two. I don't want to go with this on my conscience. I want you two to be a team when I leave."

"Eric," Raymond growled, with a warning tone.

"No, Raymond. You can keep it from every single person in this world, but you need someone else to know and you know that no one better than Elena will have your back as I do."

Elena expectantly looked at him, perfectly were of what the topic was, and Raymond glared at his friend. This was something he wished he would never have to do, but as usual, Eric was right. He needed to tell Elena, he owed to her. She was his oldest friend aside Eric, and she always had his best interests at heart.

"I made Mike disappear. He never ran away, nor even thought of it."

"Why would you — Did he do something to Ana?" Elena asked, putting two and two together. In a way, Raymond wasn't surprised that figured it out so quickly. Something far worse had happened to her, after all. She was always prone to expect the worst in those cases.

Her eyes filled with compassion, a compassion that Eric would never understand. She understood the mixed emotions that Raymond had. The betrayal over his son's actions. The fear for his daughter's future. The guilt of feeling like a parent that failed. And this complicated feeling between pride and acerbity of doing the right thing of protecting one kid, at the expense of the other.

"Ray … I am so sorry. For what he did, and for your loss," She let him know, taking his hand in hers. Raymond nodded in her direction, taking her sympathy and compassion, but not saying a word. She did not take it wrongly, she knew him, and knew that he was not someone who liked to display his emotions publicly. So she simply smiled to him, and took leave of her friends, telling them that she had to pick up her youngest child from school.

Once alone, the two men remained silent for a short moment, Raymond grateful to Eric for making him do the right thing once again. And suddenly, it hit him. What was he going to do without his friend? Eric had always been there for him, stopping him from going to far, being his little angel (and sometimes devil) on his shoulder. And it went further than on the personal matter, it went all the way to work. Raymond had always relied on Eric, and never even thought of running the business without his trusty underboss.

"You need to find a replacement," Eric said, reading Raymond's thoughts. "And I happen to have someone in mind."

"Ana isn't an option," Raymond snapped. If there was one thing he had to give Michael, it was his vehemence to keep Ana's innocence as long as possible when it came to the mob. After Michael's death, Eric had tried several times to convince Raymond to form her as his new heir, but Raymond strongly opposed the idea.

"I wasn't thinking of Ana. I was thinking of the street rat."

Raymond glowered, perfectly aware that Eric wasn't very fond of the young man. Eric nodded as he added, "We both know you took him in out of the goodness of your heart, and because he caught you at a moment of weakness. If it hadn't been for Mike's death a month earlier, you wouldn't even have looked at him twice."

Raymond didn't retort anything to that, perfectly aware that Eric's words were singing the truth. Still, he reminded of something important, "Christian doesn't like you. Didn't you tell me that you caught him following you with that FBI guy?"

"Whether he likes me or not is not important. What is, is the fact that he doesn't trust me. He has a natural inclination for mistrust, and you know how fundamental that is for the job. This is how you will know if he is fit to take over me or not. I will lead him to have real reasons to mistrust me, and you will get a single opportunity to test his loyalty, without revealing to him that he is being tested. If his loyalty is ensured, the rest you can form him on, on your own."

Raymond thought about the plan, liking where Eric was leading him. If it wasn't for a single problem, "Testing his loyalty … Eric, do you realise what this means?"

"It's a win-win for me, Raymond. I get to help you one last time, and I get to not die like a bitch. I want the last image that the kids will have of me, to be of someone healthy, not some old guy who can't even fight a disease."

Raymond shook his head. Though he completely understood his friend's point-of-view, he couldn't bring himself to bring the order that would ultimately bring him down.

"The kid is the ideal candidate, Raymond. He has all the predispositions to follow your footsteps, despite where he comes from." Raymond ticked at that, because Christian's biological family was bound to become a problem at some point, no matter how much the kid was desperate to have nothing to do with them.

Eric seemed to sense and understand his friend's hesitation, for he told him, "I thought this through and through on the way over. Actually, I thought about it ever since Mike died. You need a new heir, and we both know you won't pick Ana for Idris, though you will give her Robinson Inc'.

All you need to do is pick your timing right, and make it believable so he doesn't realise he's being tested. If he passes, I will be dead, and you will have an heir to form. I might even throw him a bone or two, just so you can see if he ever tries to use it against you. This is the best solution. Think about it, and you will see I am right."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

‼️PLEASE DON'T BE A SILENT READER AND LEAVE A REVIEW

IT REALLY DOES HELP‼️

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

🎉Merry Christmas to you all!🎄

.

~ Gosh I was SO EXCITED for you to read this chapter! you have no idea! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! So much is said here!

~ Anyway, question time:

💚What do you think of Raymond now? do you condone what he did to Mike?

💚What do you think Eric now?

💚 What did you think of Mike? Before the event, and after the event?

💚What did you think of this chapter overall? And what do you think will happen next?

💚What was your favourite part?

💚Anyway, E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, everything else is mine.

‼️FOR REVIEWERS‼️

I am so sorry, but this chapter doesn't have any answers. I am rather tired, and I will be back to answering reviews soon. Also, I will try to put ten chapters out there by the end of the year, but that's just a try. And THANK YOU so much to all of you for taking the time to read the story, for following it and for reviewing it. You have no idea what it means to me.

Love, Mina💚💚💚