We open to a car parking outside the building that used to be Broflovski and Goodman's, now just called Goodman's.
A man exited the car and it was Randy.
Randy marvels at the sign.
Randy: Things change sometimes.
Suddenly Randy heard the sound of a bag crashing onto the ground.
Randy turned his eyes to where the noise came from, which turned out to be Shelly who was the one who dropped her bag.
Randy: Hello Shelly.
Shelly stares at Randy in shock.
Randy: What do you think of my beard?
Intro
Starring
Randy Marsh
Bryan Cranston
Towelie
Aaron Paul
Sharon Marsh
Bob Odenkirk
Jonathan Banks
Wendy Testaburger
Stan Marsh
Shelly Marsh
Title card shows up.
Breaking Tegridy.
We fade to Tegridy Farms.
The car parked up and Randy and Walt exit the vehicle.
Randy: Are Huell and Kuby hard to make a compromise with?
Walter: Huell usually likes to do as he's told. But he hates crazy motherfuckers not doing as they are told. Kuby isn't as difficult.
They walk up to the front porch.
Randy: Are you gonna knock?
Walter: Your house, I think you should be the one who's knocking.
Randy knocked on the door.
Badger answered.
Badger: Can I help you bearded gentlemen?
Walter: I have a beard? Never mind, Badger it's me.
Badger stares at Walt for a moment.
Badger: Holt shit! Walter White it's so good to see you!
Badger hugs Walt.
Randy: Don't I get a hug?
Badger: No. Unless you pay me 10 grand.
Randy: Aww.
Badger: Come in gentlemen, come in.
Walter: We want to see your boss.
Later.
Huell and Kuby were sitting on the seat across from Walt and Randy.
Randy:...And that's why we need your help.
Kuby: Why do you need us? You just sat down and said "And that's why we need your help".
Randy: We're putting together an army to rescue Jesse and Towelie from the Neo Nazis.
Kuby: Neo Nazis?!
Badger: Jesse's alive?!
Huell: They dead.
Walter: What?!
Randy: What do you mean they're dead?!
Huell: Ain't it obvious? They were captured by Neo Nazis. They be dead by the time they have enough of them. Which should be now actually.
Randy: So you're not coming?
Kuby: I'm coming. So I can teach them not to fuck with our business.
Huell: I'll be coming. Mainly because these mofos need to be taught a lesson.
Kuby: How about you Badger?
Badger: I'm not working with the crazy bearded freak!
Randy: You mean him or me?
Badger: You.
Randy: Dammit. Why don't you wanna work with me?!
Badger: Because you blew up a courthouse and caused a champagne bottle to be lodged in my leg.
Randy: How is that scientifically possible?
Huell: That is the smartest thing I've heard you say in a while.
Randy: Shut up Huell! Kuby, tell your guy to shut up.
Kuby: Actually Huell is my boss.
Randy: He is?
Kuby: Yeah. Tell him Huell.
Huell: That be damn straight.
Randy: Oh ok. But Badger, I didn't blow up the courthouse. It was the Neo Nazis. Why would I blow up a courthouse that also had me on the inside.
Badger: You raise a good point actually.
Walter: What do you say?
Badger: You had me at "rescue Jesse".
Randy: And Towelie.
Badger: Mainly Jesse.
Later.
Kern residence.
Randy and Walt were sitting on a couch.
Randy: We need your help to rescue Jessie and-
Jimbo: Shut the fuck up, I'm in.
Walter and Randy sat shocked.
Walter: Just like that?
Jimbo: I haven't really done anything useful around here so, rescue mission sounds something useful I can do.
Randy: Ok than.
South Park elementary.
Randy and Walt were sitting on two separate chairs.
Randy: We could really use your help.
PC Principal: Why would I wanna help you?
Randy: Be-
Walter: Because we're dealing with Neo Nazis.
PC Principal jumped out of his seat and flipped his desk.
PC Principal: Neo fucking Nazis?!
Randy: Uh yeah.
PC Principal: Despite you two being criminals, I'm in.
Later.
Testaburger residence.
Walt and Randy were standing on the front porch.
Randy knocks on the door and Mike answered.
Mike: Nope.
Mike closed the door on them.
Randy knocks again and Mike answers again.
Mike: Go away.
Mike closed the door on them.
Randy knocked on the door again.
Mike answered.
Mike: I'll call the cops.
Walt uses his foot to stop the door from closing.
Walter: Mike, listen to us.
Mike: Alright and if I don't like it, I'll call the cops.
Later.
In the kitchen.
Randy: So we obviously need you because of how much of a badass you are. We need you to help us rescue Jesse and Towelie.
Mike: Why should I help you? I would help Walt despite how I feel about him. But you on the other hand, you're a monster. You blew up the courthouse and killed my niece.
Randy: If I did blow up the courthouse why didn't I try and escape when it was about to set off.
Mike: A risk. To make yourself look innocent. Even if it killed you. But instead of you dying, my niece died instead.
Walter: Listen Mike, I thought it was Randy for a long time until Todd told Randy he did it.
Mike: Todd?
Walter: Yes.
Mike: Todd Alquist?
Randy: Yeah I think that was his name. You know him?
Mike: I was fooling you. I don't know him. But I know how famous he is. He and his uncle are selling that Tegridy Blue Sky. I will not believe you one bit.
Randy: Mike I am telling the truth. It was some psychotic twenty year old.
Mike glared at Randy.
Mike: I have my doubts working with you Marsh, but since I haven't seen Jesse for a year and I haven't gotten a call from him, I'll come to save his life.
Randy: Alright!
Mike: But once we're done, promise me I get the chance to kill you.
Randy: I don't-
Mike: Than I'm not helping you.
Randy: OK!
Walter: He got you there.
Randy: I know. He just has that glare that says "I'm old and badass".
Later.
Stark's Pond.
Randy and Walt were staring at the pleasant view.
Randy: I forgot how beautiful it was.
Walt coughed.
Walter: Same.
Randy: Your cough's getting worse.
Walter: Cancer remember?
Randy: Oh.
Walter: Randy, if we win I want you to do a favour for me.
Randy: What?
Walter: Kill me.
Randy stares at Walt in shock.
Randy: Why?
Walter: I can't live with this cancer any longer. I'm tired of living with this pain, I want you to shoot me in the head. It will be quick.
Randy: Best day ever!
Walter: Of course you'll say that.
Randy laughed.
Walter: I hate you.
Randy: You don't.
Walter: I do.
Randy: You're right.
Goodman's.
Saul was signing papers until Randy entered his office.
Saul: Randy?! What are you doing here?
Mayor McDaniels popped her head out from underneath the desk.
Mayor McDaniels: Randy Marsh?!
Saul: Hey! We need to keep this secret.
Mayor McDaniels popped her head back underneath the desk.
Randy: Saul I need you to do something about my will.
Saul: Your will?
Randy: During my time in Albuquerque I realised my will was stupid. If I die, I want all my money to go to my family and I need you to sell my brain to-
Saul: The guys who made The Big Bang Theory?
Randy: No. I realised how stupid that was. Sell my brain to Disney.
Saul: Don't worry I'll get my best forger to work on it.
Randy: Thank you. I'm gonna make one last visit to someone.
Randy exits the office.
Mayor McDaniels pops her head out from underneath the desk again.
Mayor McDaniels: He's doing something good.
Saul: Yeah. Although I already did ask my forger to change the will during an attempt on his life one year ago.
Mayor McDaniels: You are a scumbag. Fuck me on the desk.
Saul: They should call you Mayor McNaughty.
Saul and Mayor McDaniels start French kissing each other.
Old Marsh residence.
Sharon was sitting on the kitchen table until her phone starts ringing.
Sharon answers it.
Sharon: Hello?
Shelly: Mom, Dad is back.
Sharon: Did he say anything to you?
Shelly: No. He just said "Hi" and than asked me what did I think of his beard.
Sharon: Did you compliment on his beard?
Shelly: No not really.
Sharon: Alright. Wendy's here for dinner by the way.
Shelly: Ok, I'll see you when I see you.
Sharon: Bye Shelly.
Sharon hangs up.
Sharon: Talk.
Randy was in the kitchen.
Randy: I didn't want some lousy phone call to be our last goodbye.
Sharon: Uh huh.
Randy: So I decided to do it face to face.
Sharon: Where were you for the last year?
Randy: I moved away, I met a single mother, got married and got a decent job, working at a Cinnabon.
Sharon: At least it's something normal. Why the weed business Randy? Did you really do this for our family?
Randy: No. I did it for me, I liked it, it made me feel alive. And I wanted you and the kids to understand what I was feeling.
Sharon: And you didn't care what we thought about the farm.
Randy: Money and doing what I loved got in too deep into my head. I'm sorry. Where is he?
Sharon: He's in the room. He doesn't wanna talk to you.
Randy sighed.
Randy: I know.
Later.
Stan was in the living room cuddling with Wendy, watching some romantic movie together.
Randy was staring at the two without them knowing.
A single tear fell from Randy's face.
Wendy: Do you smell weed or is it just me?
Stan started sniffing the air.
Stan than looked to where Randy was standing, but he wasn't there.
Later.
Neo Nazi base.
About 4 cars parked up outside the base.
Randy, Walt, PC Principal, Huell, Kuby, Badger, Jimbo and Mike all exit their cars.
Randy: This is it.
Walter: I'll do the talking.
Inside the base.
Jack, Todd and their gang were laughing.
Jack: Now let's hear Todd's fake laugh.
Todd does his fake laugh.
Randy: Mine's faker.
Everyone turned their attention to Randy and his gang.
The gang pointed their guns at the group.
Jack: Not now boys.
Walter: We're here for Jessie and the towel.
Jack laughed.
Jack: You crazy son of a bitch.
PC Principal: Micro Aggression!
PC Principal pulled his gun out.
Walter: NO!
But somebody shoots PC Principal in the eye.
Randy: NOOOOOO!
Jack: OHHHH! Right in the eye!
Randy: NOOOO! Everyone liked him!
Badger: Shit balls. I'm gonna wait in the car.
Randy grabbed Badger by the collar.
Randy: No you're not.
Jack: So, you want the fool and the towel? Alright, bring them forward.
Randy glares at Todd.
Mike (Whispering): Is that him?
Randy (Whispering): Yeah.
Mike glares at Todd.
Two Neo Nazi's bring Jesse and Towelie into the room.
The two were still strapped in chains and both had grown beards.
Badger: Boy everyone has grown a beard in a year.
Jimbo: Can towels grow beards?
Towelie: You're a towel.
Jack: About those two. How much are you willing to give me?
Randy: I have 65 grand in my car.
Walter: I have 43 grand.
Huell: I have 12 dollars.
Kuby: I have 13 dollars.
Jimbo: I've got 5 dollars.
Mike: I have 59 dollars.
Badger: I've got a cent.
Walter: What do you say?
Jack started laughing.
Jack: That's it?
Randy: Is it enough?
Jack: No.
Jimbo pointed his rifle at Jack until somebody shot him right through the head.
Jimbo: It...came right...for me.
Jimbo collapsed.
Randy: Jimbo! Everyone liked him!
Walter (Whispering): Did we really have to hire idiots for an army?
Randy (Whispering): I thought they weren't.
Jack: Anyone else?
Mike: I got a question.
Walter: Mike, we're negotiating!
Mike: Walt, shut the fuck up.
Randy: Listen to Walt, M-
Mike: I said, shut the fuck up. You there young fellow. Did you by any chance have any involvement with the terror attack on the courthouse one year ago?
Todd: What?
Mike: You heard me. Even if you tell me, I won't tell anyone.
Walter: Mike!
Kuby: It's gonna be fucked I know it is.
Huell: I know that too.
Todd shrugged his shoulder.
Todd: Yeah. I did.
Mike: Do you wanna know somebody you killed?
Walter: Mike! Don't do this!
Mike: My niece you ginger Nazi shit.
Mike pulls his gun out.
Badger, Huell and Kuby do the same and they start shooting.
Soon, Jack, Todd and their gang do the same thing.
Walt, Randy, Jesse and Towelie drop to the floor to avoid the gunshots.
During the gunfight a Neo Nazi dies from a hail of bullets.
Badger: This is for Jesse you motherfucker!
Badger shoots a Neo Nazi in the head.
But during the gunfight, Badger gets shot three times and dies from his wounds.
Jack manages to shoot Kuby in the leg.
Kuby falls to the ground but he continues shooting.
But Kuby gets shot in the head by Todd.
The gunfight continued, Huell got shot in the chest and fell to the floor.
Mike continued shooting, he managed to kill a couple of Neo Nazis.
But Todd shoots him in the stomach and Mike falls to the floor.
Soon, the gunfight stopped.
Randy, Walt, Jesse and Towelie get up off the floor.
Jack: Christ, what a mess.
Jack examined the room.
Jack: I've won Walt. I thought you were smarter. Yet you got this dumb piece of shit to assemble an army. Look how fast they went down.
Walt and Randy glared at Jack.
Jack chuckled.
Jack points his gun at the two.
Jack: Goodbye you two, it was nice negotiating.
Randy: Towelie! This was your fault, if you didn't get yourself captured than my brother would still be alive!
Towelie: How the fuck is this my fault?!
Walter: And this is your fault Jesse! If you didn't get yourself captured than Mike would still be alive! And so would your best friend!
Jesse: You did nothing to rescue me for a year! Bitch!
Todd: Can I kill them Uncle Jack?
Jack: No Todd, this might get interesting.
Walter: Call me bitch one more time!
Randy: You're a stupid towel, Towelie!
Towelie: You're a towel!
Randy: Call me towel one more time!
Walter: Go on Jesse, call me bitch one more time!
Jesse: Bitch.
Towelie: Towel.
Both Randy and Walt tacked their targets to the floor and started punching them.
Their targets fought back.
Jack: This is entertaining as fuck man.
During the scuffle, Walt pushes a button he had in his hand and than...
Outside the base, the trunk to one of the cars opens to reveal an automated machine gun and it starts firing at the base.
The bullets went straight through the wall, killing every Neo Nazi.
Jack gets shot a few times in the legs whilst Todd hid behind the couch.
The gunfire continued for a few moments until it finally stopped.
Todd stopped hiding from behind the couch and started to examine the mess.
Todd: What the-
Suddenly Todd was shot in the neck and than the eye.
The shooter was none other than Mike who was still alive, but badly wounded.
Mike (Struggling to breath): For...Deborah.
And with that Mike finally passed on.
Randy and Walt got up off their targets.
Randy pulls a gun out of his pocket and shoots the chains off of Towelie and Jesse.
Jesse quickly disarms the gun from Randy.
Jesse points the gun at Walt.
Towelie grabs a sawed-off shotgun and points it Randy.
Walter: Take your shots.
Randy: We pretty much deserve it.
Jesse and Towelie stare at them.
Jesse: We could've ended it. But you sold us out!
Walter: We had no choice!
Randy: Boys could you hold on a sec.
Randy picked up a pistol and Walt did the same.
They walk over to Jack who was still breathing.
Jack chuckled.
Jack: What a fucking day.
Randy and Walt aim their guns at Jack.
Walter: This is for Gomez, Badger, Huell, Kuby, Jimbo, PC Principal, Mike and Hank.
Randy: Everyone liked them.
Both Randy and Walt started firing off their guns at Jack until they were both empty.
Jack had a lot of bullet holes in his body, but he was no longer breathing.
Randy: Where were w-
Randy held onto his waist and realised that there was a piece of shrapnel lodged into it. He was bleeding real bad.
Randy: Oh fuck.
Randy sat down.
Walter: How about you Jesse?
Jesse continues to point the gun at Walt.
Jesse than notices that Walt also has a piece of shrapnel lodged in his side and it was bleeding really bad.
Jesse throws the gun to the floor.
Jesse: Your choice.
Suddenly Huell got up off the floor.
Walter: You're still alive?
Huell lifted his shirt to reveal he was wearing a bulletproof vest.
Huell removed the bullet lodged in his vest.
Huell notices the bodies.
Huell: Was I the only one who decided to bring protection?
Walter: I guess so. Huell, this will be the last order from me. Take Jesse and Towelie home. Let them begin a new life.
Huell: Whatever you say.
Huell motioned Towelie and Jesse to come with him.
Jesse and Towelie stare at their two supposed rescuers for one last time, before following Huell.
Walt sat beside Randy.
Randy: I can't kill you. I'm too weak.
Walter: So am I. You know during my time in South Park, I never got to try your product. Do you have any on you?
Randy pulls two buds out of his pocket.
Randy: They're victory cigars, or victory buds.
Randy pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights the buds.
Randy hands one of the buds to Walt and Walt smokes it.
Randy does the same.
Walter: I'm not gonna lie, this was the best weed I ever smoked. And I rarely smoke it.
Randy chuckled.
Randy: Well that's Tegridy.
Randy and Walt laughed for one last time, before their eyes stayed open and their breathing stopped.
Epilogue.
We than cut to a room filled with executives, one of them being Vince Gilligan the creator of Breaking Bad.
Vince: What the hell was that?
Cartman: A TV show.
Vince: It was terrible. I would never do anything like that.
Cartman: Why the hell not?!
Vince: I don't want some stupid show based on your stupid friend's Dad and one of the greatest TV characters of all time.
Cartman: How about more Skyler? Would that help?
Vince: Get the fuck out of my office.