Zen

He was no fool, he could tell when someone was connected to someone else pretty easily. With her and their unconventional boss, he knew the history. The camaraderie in Seattle, the cases that brought them to Vegas, how she was practically family to Barbara and Russell's kids Charlie and Maya. Nick had been in the middle of many of their fights. He had watched Finn make herself taller as she tried to match Russell's height in her fury and rage towards him when he told her no or did not allow her to run a case the way she wanted. He had observed her perched cross legged on his desk reviewing a case, pouring over files, bouncing ideas back and forth off each other's likeminded brains. She ranted and raved about him, both the good and the bad, the Zen master, the mushroom collector, the protector of her heart and soul when things did not go her way. Nick was grateful for Russell bringing her into his life and also for how much he cared about her the same way he did. So naturally, he felt confident as he approached Russell's office one day after shift.

"Hey boss," Nick said knocking on the door as he entered "got a sec?"

"Sure," Russell said ushering him inside and motioning for him to close the door.

"What can I do for you?" Russell asked.

Nick was silent as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet box, popping it open and holding it out towards Russell, the contents; a red diamond ring.

"I appreciate the gesture Nick, but I don't think my wife would approve" Russell said jokingly of the ring Nick presented him.

"Funny," Nick said, "it's for Finn."

Russell stared at him, not surprised but still somewhat taken aback.

"Yeah?" he said sitting up forward on his chair with a flash of excitement in his eyes.

"Yep," Nick confirmed "I think it's about time, she means the world to me, I can't imagine not being with her so I'm going to ask her, but uh, I wanted to ask you first, she doesn't really like all that old fashioned traditional stuff and her parents are not around anymore but she values your opinion so, what do you think?"

"It's great Nick," Russell said truthfully "she's gonna love it, and she cares about you, you've really made her happy, much happier than I've seen her in years."

He eyed the ring with a smirk, picturing Finn's reaction upon seeing it and hearing what Nick was going to say to her, and as a final declaration of support, said "Go for it."

~One Week Later~

"Ugh, you would not believe the mess day shift left for me," she ranted as she entered the house after her shift "there was notes out of order, photos with no time stamps, and I swear, if I find one more unsigned piece of evidence in that box I'm going to hunt them all down and strangle them."

"I believe it babe," he sympathized with her as she marched furiously into the kitchen where he was waiting at the counter having just fed Sam, allowing her to rant and agreeing that she would indeed strangle anyone from day shift in a heartbeat.

"It's not that they are bad people," she continued, dumping her purse on the stool and collapsing into the second one, running her hands through her hair, "they just get lazy and think all the work goes to us, and we are the ones who work well past what we should be."

"Trust me, I know, I hated when Ecklie split us up all those years ago," Nick explained, wiping the counter down of any leftover crumbs from Sam's food "day shift was a killer, I mean it was great for Cath and Lindsay but such a pain for me and Warrick and we never got to see Sara, Greg or Grissom, nothing about that year went right."

"I'm sorry Nicky," she sympathized, realizing he was sinking back into memories of being kidnapped.

She reached across the counter to grab his hand, lifting it into hers, tracing the lines on his palm, a familiar comfort she did often in times like this. He watched her fingers move gently across his hand and instantly felt better, his journey down the rabbit hole of his antagonized memories halted by her sensitivity and caressing of her hand on top of his. He could not hide his smirk as he realized what he wanted to do right now more than anything.

"At least we're off work tomorrow," she reminded him, bumping him back to reality.

"Yeah," he said, relieved, still watching her fingers move slowly across his hand "listen, baby, there's something I need to tell you, c'mere for a sec."

He closed his hand around hers and guided her around the counter to where he stood, putting both hands on her waist and lifting her up to sit on the counter. She had a hunch where this was going and she could not help but smirk, biting her lip in anticipation, squirming anxiously when he kept his hands pressed against her hips. He sighed, staring down at the floor, bracing his hands on the counter instead, seemingly struggling to say what he wanted to say. He glanced around the kitchen and the living room, feeling hesitant, was this really the best time? Shouldn't he have set up dinner, candles, flowers, something romantic? He mentally kicked himself for not putting much thought into this moment, his mind focusing only on asking her, it was like trying to write a paper for college and only having a few measly sentences strung together. She could see him struggling to tell her whatever he was going to say, and she peered up at him, confused, curious, wondering.

"Listen, uh, this isn't easy for me to do," he began, sneaking his hand past her arm to rest on her side, letting his thumb graze over a tender spot, repetitive, slow, soothing, her favorite affection.

"Is it something about work?" she questioned, worriedly "did something happen, are you sick, did you get hurt again?

She listed all the horrible things that could possibly be upsetting him.

"No, nothing like that," he assured her.

"Are, are you breaking up with me?" she asked now, voice rising in pitch, punctuated by emotions, eyes filling with tears, heart beating faster, biting her lip to stop any tears from falling out.

"No, absolutely not," he protested immediately, really hating himself for this struggle and the pain he was causing her in this agonizing wait right now. He put both hands on her sides now, stepping closer to her, wishing there was just some quick way to tell her how he felt but the words were getting twisted in his head and his chest was burning with the desire his heart needed to express.

"Then what is it?" she asked, looking up at him with a sad gaze.

"Close your eyes," he instructed her now.

"Why?" she challenged him, piercing him with that defensive look, her bottom lip trembling with anxiety. Boy was he really messing this up.

"Trust me," he breathed "it's nothing bad, I promise."

He squeezed her sides now trying to comfort and reassure her, so she listened, shutting her eyes. She scrunched her face in anticipation, tucking her hands into the sleeves of her jacket, fidgety. This was everything he loved about her, contained in these traits, these quirks, these wonderful things that melted his heart. He reached into his pocket now and pulled out the velvet lined box, popping it open in front of her.

"Open your eyes," he whispered at last and she did, blinking to adjust to the room again.

He was there, his arm outstretched, cradling a tiny box that contained a sparkly red jewel perched delicately on top of a silver band. It was a ring. Her breath caught in her chest as she stared at it then looked up at him, hardly daring to believe this was happening.

"I know this is not the normal way to do these things," he began now "but there's nothing normal about us, is there darling?"

When she couldn't answer him, he continued "There are a lot of things I wanted to say to you right now, I practiced them in my head over and over before you got home and, well, none of them want to come out right, truth is, there are a million ways to tell you how I feel but none of them will be perfect, and you deserve more than perfect, so, what I can tell you is, there is not a single second that passes that I don't fall crazy in love with you, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for you and the life we have together, I've been lost for a really long time, but when I look at you, I feel, found."

She felt an intense pain in her chest at his declarations. It hurt so bad, she had to put her hand on her chest to make sure there was nothing there causing this pain.

"And I was hoping you would want to keep going through this life with me," he continued "so Finn with two "n's", will you marry me?"

The pain in her chest had reached a critical point and she let the whimper escape her as she stared from him to the ring, darting her eyes back and forth. This was something she never expected and yet, here it was. She leaned forward, ignoring the ring and focusing only on him as she pushed her forehead hard against his, their usual affectionate game, making sure he heard her as she whispered, softly, delicately, gentler than any breeze, "Yes."

He smiled instantly and she smiled back.

"Yeah?" he asked just to be sure.

She nodded, her forehead rubbing against his when she moved, sliding her arms around him tight. He sighed, relieved, overjoyed, wrapping his arms around her equally as tight, feeling his heart beat faster in his chest, fireworks exploding in his head, he wanted to scream and tell the whole world how happy he was in this moment. But being close to her right now, the scent of her shampoo overtaking him, the feel of her warm skin against his, their foreheads still pressed together, was better than shouting from the rooftops. She had that affect on him. He would gladly parade her around and sing her praises all day, but their closeness, their privacy, that meant more to her than anything.

They stayed in this tight embrace for what seemed like an eternity, melting away, forgetting everyone and everything else around them until she broke the hug, reaching for his hands to hold now instead, grinning, happy, smitten. He knew what she wanted so he retrieved the ring box from the counter where he had set it down to hug her, picking the ring up gently, lifting her hand up and sliding it on her finger perfectly.

"It's beautiful," she sighed, admiring it, the red tint of the diamond gleaming in every angle of light.

"It's red because of what you do," he explained "you know, blood whisperer, I hope that's not weird."

She cut him off with a kiss, soft and slow, letting him know it was perfect.

"I love it," she insisted "and you, very much, and everything you said was so sweet Nicky, I'm sorry you were struggling to say it."

She brought her hand up to touch his face, caressing his cheek gently. He let her continue that motion for a moment before he reached for her wrist to hold, kissing her there, appreciating her support and understanding, every single second they spent together.

"When can we tell the guys?" she asked eagerly now "Sara and Morgan oh and Russell and Barbara."

"Well Russell kind of, sort of, already knows" Nick confessed to her and she tilted her head, confused as to how.

"Well I had to ask someone for your hand," he explained "you know, chivalry."

She gapped at him, shocked that he had thought of everything, reaching out to Russell who was important to her, remembering the chivalry teasing during the dumpster dive all those years ago, the ache in her chest starting up again.

"Nicky, that is so sweet," she cried to him now, emotions overwhelming her after everything that had just happened.

She launched herself forward again to hug him, but this time he scooped her up, lifting her off the counter at last to carry her upstairs where they could be closer, if that were even possible at this point.

She was exhausted from work, yet she never wanted this day to end. They sought shelter in bed, under the covers, nestled in a cocoon of warmth and snuggles. Once he secured his arm around her, she stretched her arm out across his chest, the ring catching the light and sparkling. She could not take her eyes off it. He was proud of how well he had surprised her, spoiled her, would have given her everything, the universe if she asked for it.

"We can tell everyone tomorrow," she decided, having thought it over and wanted to savor their privacy just a little bit longer.

"Whatever you want," he reminded her, pressing a kiss to her temple, his hand wandering to her side, finding that tender spot again and letting his fingers graze over it, once, twice, a million times. She stretched her arm out more, letting him know she wanted more affection, so he let his fingers slide up and down her arm, starting at her wrist and reaching her elbow. She scrunched up her face and bit her lip again, giggling quietly at the combination of sensations on her skin, stomach tingling, heart ready to burst with love for him.

He could lay like this with her forever, savoring every single touch, every kiss, every giggle, the way she snuggled against him, trying to get as physically close to him as she possibly could. Ask him a few years ago about his life and he would have shrugged it off as just ordinary but filled with heartache and pain. But now, he would gladly tell the world how lucky he was, how she made him a better person, how she built him up, stronger, yet allowed him to be vulnerable at the same time. They had been through so much, both separately and together, and would have so much more to go through, but he knew he could conquer anything with her by his side and he couldn't wait. There was no more fear, no more darkness, no more pain. He waited so long, but it was finally over, he had happiness, pure, unadulterated, true happiness. What a wonderful way to live.