There was something to be said about being literally swept off one's feet. I couldn't help but giggle as Apex did just that as he squeezed himself out of the van back at camp. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck (or as much of it as I could reach around), and together we made a beeline for Pizza's trailer. The soft—for him, anyway—humming he did as he walked vibrated through my entire body, a little distractingly, despite the multiple stops we'd made on the way back… on the way back home.

What a thought. Was it the tour, the crew and music and camaraderie, or was it just Apex that made this place home? I decided it didn't matter. I'd take it all.

Pizza was already waiting for us, seated over by the entrance of his trailer. Oh, that's right—we'd charged Apex's phone on the way, so he must have tracked us. Or maybe he just knew when we would arrive with his mysterious secrets. "Welcome back," he called out, his faintly accented voice as calm as always. I waved. Apex waved. Pizza waved us all inside.

It was a bit of a tight squeeze, with Apex. Fortunately, his limbs were modular, and when he made himself really light he was almost squishy. Even more of a giant plushie. Fuck, I had it bad.

Once we had settled in, Apex handed over the flash drive he'd recovered from the rooftop. Pizza took it, then paused, looking at me, then back at Apex. A warning? Asking for permission?

Apex leaned forward a little in the cramped confines of the previously roomy trailer. Took a big sniff, nostrils flaring, a foot from Pizza's face. With one of his large claws, he pinched the bridge of his muzzle, eyebrows low, like he was closing his eyes in thought. After a moment, he nodded.

"Show her," he rumbled. "From the beginning."

Pizza only watched him for a few seconds, as if unsure, then nodded back. "It is your story, friend."

We shifted so we could all huddle around the computer. The flash drive was inserted, copied, while he selected another folder, behind several passwords. Half-nestled on Apex's lap, I watched as a video began to play.

"Hey, brother. I'm sure you're confused right now, but I promise: you are okay."

It was a video log of some kind. A man alone on a dark background, the vague hint of shapes or maybe people behind him, out of focus and lost in shadow. The man was my age, perhaps a bit younger, narrow-shouldered, and seemed short, although he was sitting, only visible from the waist up. Bald head, scraps of what might have once been a beard, and a streak of gray, pebbly skin slashed diagonally across his chin, face and scalp. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes—and his eyes were solid black surrounded by gray skin, no iris or whites.

"The first thing you should know is this: you are on Earth Bet."

Wait, what? Where else would he be? I glanced up at Apex… but his expression was unreadable, his face aimed at the video screen, focused.

"The year is two thousand and three. Yeah. I know." The man ran his hand down his face, seeming tired, maybe overwhelmed. I noticed his hands were also gray, and short claws where nails should be—black, sharp, and wickedly curved. Shapeshifter? Or… he'd said he was Apex's brother. Similar powers?

"The good news is, there is a plan. Contingencies. Better minds than our own have ensured that. We have a part to play, if we want to." A plan for what? "I'm leaving you notes. Hints. Scavenger hunts. Your mission, should you choose to accept it. Little things to make the world a better place. Save some good people. Kill some bad ones. Things to keep you busy, brother."

His tone had been somewhat light until now, if weary, but then he dropped all pretense of humor for a moment, his eyes looking straight into the camera. "After all, eight years is a very long time."

The video ended. Pizza moused over to the next one, and I noticed the date on the filenames as he did. The next video had been recovered—I did a bit of mental math—just about seven years ago. I looked up at Apex, his face looming above mine, but he was completely still except for the glacial rise and fall of his chest. I could just feel the triple-beat of his heart thudding against my back, pressed up against him as I was.

Very little time had passed between the videos, if the man's appearance could be used for comparison. A different shirt, a slight creep of gray skin across his cheeks and scalp. "I'm proud of you. If you've made it this far, you've already accomplished very big things. Mom and Dad would be proud." Tears welled up in his eyes, his smile cracking.

These were… time capsules. Pre-recorded messages to the future. It fit what Pizza had hinted at before, at least. Apex had never mentioned a brother, but until a couple days ago he had never mentioned parents, either...

Another timeskip. Same shirt this time, no visible changes aside from a dark smudge around his eyes. The two had been recorded one after another, even though the date on the file showed it had been two years since the previous one had been found. "I wish I could have seen the look on his face. Fuck you, Geoff. We've still gotta hold onto the leash ourselves, for a bit. Make sure some things happen in the right order. Trust that it's in good hands, though." Who the fuck was Geoff, and what did Apex do to him?

"Speaking of which—are you taking care of yourself? Drinking enough water? Keeping good company? There's a lot of margin of error, where we're involved, but I've heard some neat possibilities." The man's low, bass voice was soothing, encouraging. Almost familiar. "Keep challenging yourself. You've made it this far, you can go the distance."

That sounded like some sort of precog at work. It didn't fit his appearance, but powers were weird. Or maybe someone else was the precog? It didn't make much sense, but just seeing these videos… it was a look into Apex's life, into his family perhaps, that no one else in the world save Pizza had ever seen. So I didn't ask questions or interrupt. Just sat and watched.

Another year advance on the date, another new shirt for the man in the video. "Here's a treat for you, since you've probably had a very rough few weeks, if the plan worked out this far ahead. When we were seven years old, we went camping with the family. Dad woke us up in the middle of the night, hiked us out to the top of that hill, showed us the stars. We stopped using a nightlight after that, because we saw there could be beauty in darkness." The man let out a low, wistful sigh. "I thought you'd like that. You're probably long past any fear of the dark now, though."

The next few videos were more things like that. Short snippets. A story, or a series of bad jokes about deer. Melancholy, wistfulness, reaching out across the gulf of years, perhaps distance. There were hints of movement behind him, people perhaps shuffling in and out of frame, still too dark to make out details. Found five years ago, four, three, two and a half, two, increasingly more frequent. I was absorbed, even as the stories grew a bit nonsensical, referencing things I didn't recognize. Inside jokes, perhaps.

"If you're hearing this, you're almost there. I'm… I'm very, very proud of you. You're… you're so much stronger than I am." He bit his lip, his teeth sharklike and densely packed. He took a deep breath, shuddering a little on the exhale, and looked into the camera once again, resolute. "The truth is… I fucked up."

"Mom and Dad don't exist here. They checked. Maybe for the best. I wouldn't know how we would… anyway. I also looked up Diana. She's doing fine here. Got married a bit younger, never divorced. She's a nurse now. Can't say if she was better off with or without us, but you don't have to worry about her, at least."

If I hadn't been leaning into his chest, I might have missed the sudden hitch in Apex's breathing. A catch in his throat. I… I didn't know what to think. Didn't exist here? Where was Apex from?

I considered asking who Diana was. Just for a moment. Then I decided I probably didn't want to know.

"Eight years is a long time. Twenty? I can't… but you, you've made it." The man smiled, a little wryly, a little teasing. "She said you've probably found someone special. I… I hope it lasts."

The video ended. I saw the dates—this was the second to last video. From... from the night of our fight, when he leapt out from the back of the moving trailer. I thought he had been running away. Instead, he had been getting… that. Who was 'she'? It was weirdly flattering to think this mystery precog had foreseen me, but that ending had been... ominous.

Pizza paused before opening the last video, hand poised over the mouse. Shit, I'd almost forgotten he was here. He took a deep breath, then clicked, the media player taking up the whole screen once more. This was the video he'd left me alone on the side of the highway for. I hoped it would actually answer some questions.

"You've made it, brother. Good job." The man wearily waved his hands. Jazz hands—jazz claws. "I wasn't sure if you would. I know I couldn't." He let out a huge sigh, then leaned forward onto his elbows, resting his forehead on the heels of his claws, hiding his face. "I know I couldn't. The pain, it…" He chuckled dryly, then looked up at the camera again, baring his teeth in a bitter smile. "I sound so dramatic. 'I can't bear the pain'. But it's the opposite. I hate how good it feels. How good raw meat tastes. I'm… I'm becoming a monster, and…"

His words sped up, like he was trying to them all out at once. "And I'm not strong enough. Not for eight years, or fifteen, or twenty. I miss Mom and Dad. I miss our friends. I miss everything. And I…" He paused to take another deep, shaky breath, letting it out slowly, a low hiss.

"Oh. Oh, no," Apex's voice rumbled around me, jarring.

"I need you to be—"

A long, clawed arm shot out abruptly, hit a key. The video stopped.

I shook my head, blinking quickly. I'd been so distracted, and turning up to look at Apex, he had…

He was curling in on himself, head buried in his elbows, arms protecting his head in a defensive posture I'd never seen him take before. His crystal spikes jutted out like spears, bristling menacingly, but the way his tail wrapped around him looked more afraid than aggressive. I twisted around, wondering when he'd started—as my gaze passed over Pizza, I saw him looking away, eyes low… but not surprised. A question for later. For now, I reached out, put a hand on Apex's crossed forearms. "Are you alright?"

"No."

Okay, maybe that was a stupid question. I gestured with a thumb at the screen, knowing he could see me even though his face was covered. For a moment my mouth just opened, wondering what to say. Start at the beginning. "He was your brother?"

"No," he repeated. His body shifted without moving, like a coiled snake twisting around itself. His voice was quiet, for him, which meant it vibrated the faux hardwood floor beneath my feet. "I don't want you to watch any more. I know what this is, now."

It took a second for me to find one of his hands, tucked into himself as he was. I clutched it as tightly as I dared. "Apex, baby. I have a lot of questions, but… my dear, sweet, beautiful monster, I don't care what he could possibly say right now. I'm here for you, no matter what." He shifted again, which meant I might have gotten my point across. "There's nothing that video could show me that—"

"It's a suicide note."

My words died, my breath caught in my throat. All of the air had been sucked out of the room.

Apex slowly opened his forearms, his eyes aimed towards me. Watching me. His lips moved again. The floor rumbled with his words.

"It's my suicide note."

Oh god. Not again. Images flashed through my mind faster than I could stop them. Warping flesh under inexpert hands, tearful smiles, shallow, pained breaths. I am your canvas, she'd whispered. The world spun dizzyingly, my stomach leaping into my throat, then burying itself in the floorboards.

My hands clenched so tightly my claws buried themselves in my palms, blood trickling down my knuckles, onto the floor. I wouldn't turn away. I wouldn't.

A clawed hand slowly pried open one of my fists, taking my hand in his, and I felt my power thrumming beneath his skin, singing to me, ready to twist and reshape and smear and ruin. Dangerous, like the smallest unwary movement would tear him limb from limb. Except…

Except his body took whatever I gave him and made it his own. I opened my eyes—I hadn't realized I'd closed them—and looked at him, as though for the first time, slightly blurred through tears. The skin flaps that retracted, tight against his side, where it could be covered by his fur. The lips, tougher now, slightly armored. His horn… and the nubs starting to grow behind them, the beginnings of a second row. For the first time, the idea that my power might stop working on him was actually a relief.

That eased the knot in my chest a little. Just enough for me to grip his hand back, holding it to my chest. It pushed in the necklace, the artifact, the tip of his horn burying itself in my skin, like the pinpricks of his claw points. A good pain.

My voice was hoarse, barely recognizable, but he understood. "Play it."

Without taking his eyes off of me, he turned us around until we faced the screen once more.

He pressed play.

"—stronger than me." Tears were in his eyes, too, but black and oily, like pitch. "I need you to be the me I'm afraid to be." The man on the video let out a bitter, sorrowful chuckle. "Can't lose what you give up first, right?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry for putting this burden on you, brother. But I know it will be fine. In the end, it will all be… just fine."

The back of a clawed finger wiped a black tear from his cheek. He looked at it for a moment, then sniffed. "No point in dragging it out. I guess this is goodbye." One last smile. "See you on the other side."

Then I noticed a shape onscreen. Someone being moved into frame, a heavy wheelchair, a broad, limbless shape. Bald. Eyes focused on the person who would one day be Apex. A familiar face.

The man spoke one last time. "Do it, Slug." The briefest of pauses, then, "Please."

I wanted to reach out, to stop whatever was about to happen, to somehow change the past… but the thought of stopping the video never crossed my mind once. I wouldn't look away. I would bear witness, this time. I would be there.

On the screen, Pizza's eyes glowed white for a moment. Past Apex stiffened, his eyes going white as well, before the light faded, leaving only black eyes on gray scales.

And then… he blinked. Looked around. Looked at his hands. Then up at the camera.

The video cut out, leaving the trailer in tense, breathless silence.

It was still hard to breathe. Only Apex's heartbeat, so close to mine, pushed me to shakily inhale, exhale. I smelled coppery blood, my own sweat, and the warm musk of Apex's scent, still alive, still here.

I slowly turned to look at Pizza, who was watching me with sad, mournful eyes. "What—" I choked, throat dry. "What did you do?"

"I killed him," he admitted, voice a low whisper. He looked up, at the beautiful monster. "Apex is what survived."

Following his gaze, I saw Apex staring off into the distance at things I couldn't even imagine. He made a sound that started in his chest and stayed there, something like a garbage disposal being run empty for a second... and only now did I realize what it was.

"Oh, sweetheart," I sighed, and wrapped him as best as I could in a hug. He folded around me, cocooning me in his arms, his tail, the beating of his heart and the slow rise and fall of his chest, catching on his rumbling sobs.

I held him, the rest of the world forgotten, as he cried in a body that didn't know how to, anymore.