"The... truth is Yura.. you're the one I have a crush on... I... love you, Yura." Beka says
"Huh?"
"... I'm not going to repeat myself.."
"Oh...Um..." Beka's confession was a sobering one. As my mind scrambled for what to say... what even is the right thing to say to that? It explains a lot why he wouldn't let his sister tell me his crush.. why he ran off embarrassed that day at the hospital... But Me and Beka?... no. That's impossible... I already know I can't be gay... but... then.. what should I say...
"Yura?" Otabek said, concerned "... I'm sorry I should have kept my mouth shut..."
"Wait, No... Look... let's just forget about this...and go to bed.."
"If... That's what you want, Yura.."
Like that the movie turned off.. and we went to bed.. however after a few moments it occurred to me... we were sharing a bed...
"Hey, beka..."
"Yes.."
"Sorry, but...any chance you can find another room to sleep it... it's just a little... weird now-"
"Ok... I get it.." Beka said, climbing out of bed and walking towards the door, "Night Yura.." He said while leaving, I could hear how dejected he felt in his voice
"NIght Otabek.."
Like that
He was gone. Once again, I had my bed to myself... it wasn't the first time I kicked Otabek out my room this week... but this time I felt terrible for doing it... Damn it... I can't sleep.. I sat on my bed and look at the bottle next to me. My eyes had since adjusted to the light. Just 2 more shots to put me to sleep
"So Yura, what are your plans for this season?"
"Eh, I don't know.. I know for a fact I want to win Grand Prix again I need to defend my title, but if I do lose... It better be because YOU beat me. Got it."
"Yea, Yea, I got it..you finish your coffee yet?"
"Yea, I did..."
"Well Let me take you home, I need to start my drive as soon as I can, My sister's birthday is coming up soon.. so I can't stay."
...
"Otabek!" I hear Yuri cry out as I go to begin my long drive to Kazakhstan. And stop the bike and turn. Yuri's face fills my vision He's crying.
"Yura? what's wrong."
"Dedushka- He's- I went inside he was on the ground- he- he- couldn't get up- an- an- Ambulance is coming." Yuri stampered through his tears
"Yura..." I start
"Beka... Please don't go..." He cries out and leaps into an embrace in tears."
"Ok... if that's what you want.. I'll stay.. as long as you need."
...
"Oh... I see you're afraid I'll judge you for being gay because of how I talk to Victor and his Pig. Well, I could care less that they are gay. they annoy me in general; you have my support, don't worry-"
"менсеніжақсыкөремін!" He suddenly blurted his cheeks burning
"Beka, that wasn't even Russian try again..."
"I...I... Can't... I'm Sorry..." He said before running off
"But wait! Why?" I called after him "Jeez fine be that way..."
...
"Drop it! Why does it matter?"
"Because I don't want to see you drink your life away, it's too convenient! You're Dedushka in the Hospital, and you suddenly decide you're curious about drinking! You can't lie to me, Yura. I know you!"
...
"Hey Yuri" I hear Sasha call out
"What is it."
"How do you feel about my brother?"
"What kind of question is that? He's my best friend. I care about him."
"Is that all? You sure you don't like him?" She pondered with a smirk
"What's that! Yuri likes Otabek?!" the Triplets exclaim
...
"Yura, I'm sorry... But, I'm going back to Kazakstan. I can't keep watching you, self-destruct."
"You promised you'd never leave!"
"I can't watch you let yourself suffer anymore, Yura! It's too painful! Don't forget, I love you, Yura."
"I never asked you too."
"Well! ... whatever, come find me when you're ready to start healing... Cause I can't watch you ruin your life.." He turned around and left
"No! you can't go!"
"Goodbye, Yura.."
"No, stop!"
No response
"FINE! I don't need you! Just go! I don't need you!" I threw my bottle as it crashed against the wall.
I woke up crying. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them. Beka didn't close the curtains before leaving the room, the light burned my eyes, I pulled the covers above my face... Something in my dream bothered me still...I think Beka had left me... I had this lingering sense of sadness, but... what was it? What did I do to drive him away... I couldn't remember it.. whatever, it doesn't matter, what matters is how am I gonna close that curtain without blinding myself. at that moment my door creaked open
"Yuri... it's noon, you awake.."
"...Beka. Can you please close that curtain?"
"Oh, sorry... Guess I forgot to before I left last night..." he said, closing it "there it's closed..."
I pulled the covers off my face "..thanks.." I look over at Beka who's nervously twiddling his thumbs
"Umm... well, if you don't need anything, I'll leave you alone."
"wait! can you bring me water?"
"Oh, sure, of course, Yuri," Otabek said and left coming back in a bit with water ".. well then, um. just come downstairs when you're ready to."
"Well... Ok..." I replied, and he left, that was a weird interaction... well, I guess it makes sense... I did reject him AND kick him out last night... I hope I didn't hurt him too severely.. it was a little harsh... I'm still bothered by that dream...
'I can't watch you let yourself suffer anymore, Yura! It's too painful! Don't forget, I love you, Yura.'
Why? Why did he say that? I know it's a dream, but what on earth could have happened to cause that.. should I tell Beka? No. I should probably leave him alone. He seemed pretty down. Ugh, my head hurts.. maybe 5 shots were a bit much, I had thought that the effects of the first 3 would have worn off during the movie... perhaps those 2 to help me sleep were a mistake.. it doesn't matter what's done is done...
I unlocked my screen. I flinched as the blue light filled my vision and instantly turned it down to the lowest brightness and scrolled down Instagram. The first post was from Mila, she and Sara had posted a picture confirming their relationship. Is she crazy? Doesn't she remember the backlash in Russia when Victor kissed Yuuri during the Grand Prix? I read the caption
mila-babicheva ~ we had been trying to decide whether to do this for weeks, but I'm not hiding it anymore, I'm a happy Bi woman, and I love sala-crispino
christophe-gc ~ Congratz to the both of you!
generic-homophobe1 ~wow so Russia has TWO gay skaters, such a disgrace I should stop watching skating
Homokickur*ss ~ why do these gays think they can just assault my stream? Get off Instagram, you f*gs!
mickey-crispino ~you jerks better get off my sister's GF's Instagram! I'll beat you all up!
My blood boiled as I read every single homophobic comment, why do people have to judge anything different! Everyone is such an asshole. Otabek should have stayed in America, instead of moving his rink to Almaty. I don't know much about Kazakhstan, but I know they aren't too different from Russia on these subjects... Am I the only one that knows he's gay? No, I'm sure he's told other people.. right? I crawled out of bed and headed downstairs.
"Hey, Yurio! did you hear the news, Mila and Sara went public.." Yuuri said beaming
"Of course I heard the news, there are already 5 news sites talking about it. Also, that's not my name."
"It's still great news! We should go over to congratulate them in person! I hear Sara is still in town."
"Eh, if you want to, it's something to do at least...Wait."
"What is it?"
"Where's Otabek?"
"Oh, He went to the ice rink he said he wanted to get in practice since he hadn't in a bit..."
"Oh, I see...
"Hey, Yuri?"
"What is it, Katsudon."
"Are you alright? ... I mean, he only passed yesterday."
"I don't have time to be sad; I need to get back to the ice."
"But Yuri... that's not how that works.."
"And you're not my therapist. We gonna go or what."
"Yea... Lets go.." Yuuri said defeated