Rey

Leia gave me a shuttle, and I wasted no time going on board and powering up the engines.

He was running out of time, I could feel it. And, I had to get to him. I had to make sure he was safe.

At least I knew now why I felt this way. Why I had felt this way since that night on Ahch-to.

I set course for Naboo, and felt the shuttle jerk into drive, then pulled out the data pad I'd found in my belongings on base. I typed in Mated Force Bond, and started to read.

They were rare, but Leia had told me that, so I skipped ahead to what the Bond was, and what it meant to be Bonded.

Mated Force Bonds were where the Force itself chose two individuals as mates, and bound them in every way. Once accepted, it was unbreakable.

Unbreakable? As in permanent? But, it had to be accepted first. Well, I wasn't accepting it.

I had been thrown into this fight, and now I was a symbol of hope for an entire galaxy. But, I hadn't wanted any of this. I just wanted a home, and a family, and the image that Ben had seen during his Force vision entered my mind. Of him kneeling in front of me, my belly swollen with his, our child.

I shoved it away.

No, I wanted a say in who I mated with.

Then, I remembered that I'd chosen to go to bed with Ben a week ago, wanting him to be my first, my only.

And, my eyes grew wide. This is why he hadn't made love to me. Because the act of mating would seal our Bond, a Bond I didn't know about yet.

But, did I want him, love him, on my own, or because of The Bond?

The next paragraph explained that acceptance of the Bond must be consensual, and that manipulation or other tactics wouldn't work.

So, there was that, at least.

I looked for some ritual or incantation that needed to be done to accept the Bond, but the text just said more about it being unbreakable once both consenting individuals accept.

I remembered his nightmare.

I'll never love you, I'd said. I'll never forgive you for making me seal the Bond.

And, based on our conversation in the forest before Finn showed up, Ben believed that I didn't want him, or a life with him.

He was terrified of this Bond because he was convinced that I didn't want it.

And, I'd known. I'd known that there was more between us than just a Force Bond, and I knew that he didn't want to tell me exactly what it was. I'd asked him, begged him to just tell me, and he was about to that morning we were attacked.

Or, was he? Would he have told me the truth, or would he have lied?

The controls beeped, signaling my arrival into Nabooian space.

"State your name for permission to land." Control commended.

"Rey." I told them.

"Rey who?" The voice on the other end of the communicator probed.

"Just...Rey." I told them, unable to keep the sorrow out of my voice.

I was always reminded that I was nobody from Jakku.

But, not to me. Ben had told me, once.

I landed, and ran out as soon as the loading bay lowered, stopping once to ask where the hospital was, then again when I entered the building to ask where the Queens cousin was roomed.

I ran down the hall, not slowing as I threw open the heavy metal doors. I spotted Ciir'sae, standing beside a closed door, speaking with a doctor in a white coat.

"Rey?" She called in surprise as I ran past, and into the room behind her.

I halted so quickly I almost fell over and Ciir'sae bumped into my back.

Ben was in bed, with pale blue blankets pulled up to his chest. His skin was ashen, his hair sticking to his face and neck with sweat. His eyes were half open and unfocused as he muttered unintelligibly.

I went to him, gripping his hand in both of mine.

It was cold.

"We've done all we can." Ciir'sae said, sorrowfully. "Even tried a blood transfusion to get the poison out." She shook her head. "He's on a morphine drip to keep him comfortable."

I straightened, and went to my bag. "The antidote."

"We made an antidote." Ciir'sae sighed. "We thought it worked, but then after a few hours-"

I held up the syringes and her eyes grew wide. She leapt forward and snatched one of them from me, ripped the cap off and stabbed it into Ben's thigh.

He did not move.

"Your Majesty!" The doctor gasped in outrage. "We don't even know who this is or what-"

"I trust her with his life completely." Ciir'sae snapped. "And, that's all you need to know."

He bowed. "Yes, your Majesty." And stalked out of the room.

She watched me sink into a nearby chair.

"He said you'd been shot with the same darts?" She asked.

I looked up, remembering that the other syringe was for me. I uncapped it, and stuck it in my thigh, using my thumb to push the plunger down.

She threw both of them into a red box with BIOHAZARD written across it in bold lettering. "What happened?" She wanted to know.

I shook my head, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. I didn't want to talk about what happened, didn't even want to think about it.

My focus was on the man in front of me, and the gentle thrumming of the Bond as it bloomed back to life.

He dozed off a few minutes later, and Ciir'sae went to attend to her court, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I was feeling too much, all at once.

I was angry. This was the single most important thing, the most sacred gift from The Force itself, and he'd kept it from me, for months. I was hurt that he had not even given me the consideration of telling me what I was a part of.

But, most of all, I was scared. Absolutely out-of-my-mind terrified that I would lose him. That I'd been too late with the antidote to be able to save him.

And also, relief. Because I'd known that I was in love with him since that night on Ahch-to. And now, I knew that it didn't make me a traitor to the Resistance. I'd done what I'd done to protect my mate.

I sat with him for hours, waiting, and had resorted to bargaining with the Force when his fingers curled around mine.

I looked up to watch him move his head to face me, and then his eyes cracked open. "Rey?" His voice was thick, strained.

There were a million things that I wanted, needed to say to him, my relief rattling the Bond. But, all I could manage to squeak out was a broken "Hi."

My face crumpled, not giving him the opportunity to respond, and I started sobbing.

"Rey?" He said again, urgently.

He weakly pulled me up, folding me into his arms and I cried into his chest.

"Did they hurt you?" He asked, his lips against my ear.

I shook my head, unable to answer. Of course he would be fresh off of death's doorstep and worried if I was hurt.

I felt him sigh, his relief tumbling down the Bond with my own. His arms tightened around me as my sobbing ebbed.

I pulled back to look at him, and he gently brushed my tears away with his fingers.

"Are you ok?" I asked, wiping my face with my sleeve.

His eyes watched the movement. "I'm..better." He said.

I noticed that the color had returned to his face.

"Are you ok?" He murmured, reaching up and tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"I'm," I sighed. "Overwhelmed."

His brow furrowed as he assessed my emotions. My relief had wavered, and now the hurt and anger were taking over. "What-" He began, and I cut him off.

"I need to ask you something." I said.

He stilled, searching my face, my feelings, then he swallowed. "Alright."

I took a breath. "When were you going to tell me that I'm your mate?"

His face lost what color had returned to it and he looked away.

I stood, and he made no move to stop me.

"The morning they came for you," He started.

"When you'd known for months." I interjected.

Something flashed across his features. "Rey-"

Part of me hated myself for doing this now, when he was so sick but I demanded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He sighed, bowing his head.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I repeated, louder.

"Because you wouldn't have accepted it even if I had." He admitted, his voice low.

I shook my head. "You don't know that."

His head snapped up, real pain etched into his russet brown eyes. "I just saved you from having to reject me a second time." I could have sworn I saw his chin quiver. "I'm a monster, a murderous snake, a liar, and you said yourself, before I even knew about the Bond that you didn't want to be my empress."

My vision blurred with tears. "I told you I didn't want Kylo Ren. That is not who you are."

'But, it is!" He yelled. "No matter how much I don't want it, I am Supreme Leader. I am the leader of The Knights Of Ren, and if you accepted the Bond, it would damn you to a life of running from every assassin who would kill you just to get to me." His throat bobbed. "You and any children you'd give me."

I shivered at the truth, and vulnerability in his words. "You should have told me." I turned toward the door. "I deserved to know. And you," I opened the door and turned to face him.

Exhaustion and pain stared back.

"You should have respected me enough to let me make my own decision." I walked out, away from him, and heard him groan my name before the door swung closed.