Book Two, Part Seven: Broken

"I can't believe our first year is over." Addie mused.

We were curled up on my couch, relaxing. We were off for a full two weeks. Savvy and Weiss had gone on vacation. Weiss was proposing tomorrow night. I was happy for them, but that meant they were moving out soon and I would have to find a new roommate. Rent in New York City was expensive.

"I wish you didn't have to go." She sighed, slipping her hand into mine and squeezing it.

"I know but I haven't seen them since Christmas. It is only for a week. Four days with Ma in Connecticut and three days with Amber and Mel in Boston. Then we will have nine days together." I assured her.

"I know you have to go. I will just miss you." She said sweetly.

I smiled at her and focused again on the movie.

I found my mind wandering. It happened some but not as often as it used to. Addie helped.

I looked at her profile as she giggled at the TV. She was wearing a pair of shorts and an old shirt of mine, her hair in a ponytail, no makeup on. She was lovely.

But I found myself thinking of another girl. It made me feel like shit. Especially when we were in bed. We had been having sex for three months now and while it was good, it was lacking something. At first, I couldn't put my finger on it, or maybe I just hadn't wanted to.

But I think I always knew. It wasn't complete because it wasn't with Meredith. Finally, I had just decided I couldn't do anything about that and did my best to block her from my thoughts during those moments. Addie deserved better than a man who imagined his ex-girlfriend while having sex with his current one.

Addie and I rarely fought. I am not sure if it was because we got along so well or if it was because I didn't care enough to fight with her. With Meredith, we fought constantly, bickering about stupid nothings but it was all in good fun.

I sighed.

God I was a shitty person.

"You okay?"

I smiled at Addie.

"I'm fine. Just a headache." I assured her.

"Do you need an aspirin?" She asked, moving to get up.

"No, I will be fine. Just a long drive ahead of me tomorrow."

"We should go to bed. Let you get some rest." She stood up and locked the doors and turned off the lights. We walked into my bedroom and while she brushed her teeth and washed her face, I stripped down to my boxers. I exchanged places with her in the bathroom and when I was done, I slipped under the covers next to her. She instantly cuddled into me.

I held her close, thanking a higher power for it being dark, so I could imagine she was someone else.

"It has been so long." Ma gushed as she hugged me tight.

"Ma, it has only been…"

"Seven months!" She interrupted.

"I know Ma. Sorry."

"Don't be. I know how it is. Just don't forget about your family. Sit down. I made some red velvet cake."

She busied herself around the kitchen and then sat down and watched me eat.

"This is good Ma." I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"I have some good news." She said.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"Officer Nelson called me last week."

I sat up straighter. Officer Nelson was the officer in charge of my dad's case.

"What did he have to say?"

"They caught them Derek. They were arrested for another murder and they confessed everything. There won't even be a trial. They will be sentenced next month in Hartford."

I tried to remember how to breathe. Emotions flit through me, one after another; relief, grief, denial, amazement, anger, sadness…and happiness.

I could go to Meredith now. I could explain to her why I left. I could see if she would forgive me. We could have our happily ever after now.

I stood up suddenly.

"I need to…go…upstairs for a little while. Take a nap or whatever. Do you mind?" I asked Ma.

She looked at me curiously.

"Of course not Dear. Don't forget we are having dinner with Mel, Nancy, Kathleen and their boyfriends tonight."

"Mel has a boyfriend?" I asked.

"No, she is too busy busting 'perps'." She laughed as she quoted Mel.

I smiled and then dashed up the stairs. I had my laptop up and running in two minutes. I pulled up the internet and typed in Meredith E. Grey.

My heart stopped.

There she was. It was a picture from the Seattle Sentinel covering U Dubs School of Medicine's graduation last year. Meredith was fifth in her class. She was standing in her cap and gown smiling out into the audience. I imagined her mom and stepdad had come and had sat with Thatcher. Was anyone else in the audience beaming proudly at her accomplishments? Had someone else taken her out to dinner with her family and then went home with her? Did she love someone else like she had loved me?

That just put forth a whole new set of questions.

Did I have the right to walk back into her life? Would she forgive me? Would she act like she didn't know me? Would she scream, would she yell, would she cry, would she fall into my arms?

I was officially driving myself crazy.

Maybe I should call Mark. He had been my best friend in high school. I picked up the phone in my old bedroom and dialed his parent's number by memory.

'You have reached a number that has been disconnected and is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try again.'

Damn! What did you expect, it had been over seven years?

I looked again at her picture. She too had just finished her first year of residency. I wonder how it had gone for her. I traced my fingers around her delicate features and smiled. She was still beautiful. And if I was lucky, she was still in Seattle. I bet her mother was really proud of her.

Ellis!

Ellis lived in Boston last time I had heard. Maybe I could look her up when I went to visit Amber.

"Derek! Your sisters are here!" Ma called up to me.

I saved the article to my favorites and reluctantly shut down my computer.

I would find her again.

"DerBear!"

I rolled my eyes at Amber's squeal. I then grunted as her full weight hit me.

"Oompf." I groaned.

"Shut up. I am not heavy." She said outraged.

"You are when you are slamming into me at full steam ahead." I told her.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Mel said. "I mean I take off from my kick ass job as a cop and I come to visit my sister and she ignores me because our only brother graced us with his presence."

"Pretty much." Amber quipped. She looked at me.

"You have to tell me all about your internship. I am so nervous about starting next week. Jax tells me I am worrying over nothing, but he can say that since he is still in medical school." She rolled her eyes.

"Jax?" I asked.

She hit me.

"Do you not listen when I call? My boyfriend Jackson? I met him in med school? Any of this ring a bell?" She asked.

"No." I said honestly. I would remember her telling me about a boyfriend, wouldn't I?

"He is too busy screwing his redhead. Hey Der, does the carpet match the drapes?" Mel asked.

I stared at her incredulously.

"I am not dignifying that with an answer." I told her. I looked back to Amber, who looked upset.

"You okay? Your internship will be fine. Don't worry." I soothed.

"You're dating Addison?" She asked.

"Yeah. Didn't Ma tell you?" I asked.

"No, no one told me. You should've told me." She said sadly.

"Sorry Ams. We have been dating for four months."

"Are you happy?" She asked.

I thought back to the information that Ma told me and smiled. Then I felt regret that I hadn't thought of Addie until just now. I was going to have to break things off with her. I would call her tonight. No, I would tell her in person. She deserved that much.

"Derek?" She prompted.

"Yeah, I am now." I told her honestly. As long as Meredith didn't hang up on me once I called her.

"So, when do we meet this guy?" I asked.

She looked…guilty? And then that look passed and she smiled.

"Not this visit. He has family visiting too, so he is not available, but one day." She assured me.

She then shared a look with Mel.

Weird.

"So, we are going to this great bar Friday night before you leave. It is awesome."

I followed her thinking to myself that girls were another species all together.

I spent the next three days reminiscing with my sisters. I had a great time and I was sorry to see Friday come. Mel and I were leaving the next day and we were now on our way to the bar that Ams wanted us to go to.

I had a cloud or two hanging over my head though. I didn't know how to end it with Addie and Ellis Grey-Webber had not returned my calls. I really wanted to get in touch with Mer, but it looked like I was doing it on my own.

I sighed out loud.

"None of that tonight!" Mel said. "We are going to have a good time, damn it."

"Damn, you are almost scary. I bet the criminals love you." I taunted.

"Ha they wish." She retorted.

"We're here." Amber announced, pulling into a crowded parking lot. We exited the car and walked into the very loud, very crowded but very nice bar.

We were quickly seated and we were enjoying the free flowing drinks, the great food and the live band.

We acted just like the family we were before my life came crashing down.

I don't know what happened. To this day, I still couldn't tell you, but I was suddenly…hyperaware.

Something…shifted.

I stopped listening to the conversation, I ignored my food, I forgot my Scotch…Hell, I forgot where I was. I slowly, deliberately, scanned the room, focusing on everything, everyone, yet nothing.

Then I saw it…

Blonde hair.

Green eyes.

Smiling face.

My blonde hair.

My green eyes.

My smile.

My Meredith.

She was older, her eyes were older. Like she had lived longer than her years, like she had experienced more than she should've in her young age.

She was sitting next to two men.

Was one of them my replacement?

She threw her head back and laughed and I was transported to another time, years ago, when that laugh had been reserved for me.

"Derek!"

I looked sideways at Amber, who was looking at me weirdly.

"What?" I said.

"I have been calling your name for five minutes. Where did you go? Do you see someone you know?" Her neck craned to check out the crowd.

"No. Just looking around." I lied. I didn't want to share with her right this minute.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her get up and head towards the restroom.

"I need to go to the bathroom. I will be right back."

"Thanks for the info." Mel snarked.

I ignored her and headed towards the bathrooms. She wasn't there when I entered the hall. I waited in between the women's and men's rooms, then I started pacing.

What was taking her so long? Didn't she know this is the moment I have been waiting on?

I stopped staring and leaned against the wall facing the open room full of people. I saw one of the guys Mer was sitting with. He looked familiar. Then the other guy came into view.

He was familiar.

Mark.

What was Mark doing here with Meredith?

No. It couldn't be.

I couldn't look at him anymore so I turned my back to them.

I heard the door open behind me but I froze.

My mind was screaming at me to turn around and face her. Let her see me. But I was frozen.

I heard her hesitate, could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head…

And then, her footsteps fading as she walked away from me.

I unfroze and turned to watch her, to see her before she faded from my life again.

What I saw broke me.

She walked up to Mark and threw her arms around him, kissing him soundly. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and led her through the crowd, the other man following them.

Then she was gone.

Again.

And I was left behind…

Broken.

How do you guys feel about Derek and Meredith reuniting at the bar? Do you think Derek should have done something? If so, what?