"So where are we going exactly ?" Lena asks, "I'm still very interested in the moon, but I'm not sure I'm dressed accordingly for that."
"You're dressed beautifully," Kara says, happily swinging their plaid covered arms. "And don't worry, we're going to see stars, but we're staying way below the Karman line, so you don't need a space suit."
"So we are going to the planetarium ! You could have just answered instead of smiling ominously."
"I wasn't being ominous," Kara says, affecting a shocked expression, "I told you we were going to see stars."
"There are a good number of places and ways to see stars," Lena replies with a sideway glance. Her voice drops an octave as she says this and it resonates pleasantly in Kara.
"Oh."
"I'm just teasing," Lena says, her lips curling around her words. "Come on Miss Danvers, show me stars."
Their arms swing between them as they walk to their destination. The sun is shining behind low cottony clouds, filling the air with light warmth. After a hectic couple of days, Kara finally feels safer, more at peace. She's decided to keep Sam, Worldkillers and murderous vigilantes out of her mind for the day, and so far, she's quite successful. She lets herself be carried by the beat of Lena's heart, the way it spikes up every time their eyes meet, and the cadenza of her voice, the way it drops with her innuendos. Her phone is on silent, she's finished her article, and Kelly is taking care of Alex ; everything that isn't Lena is on the backseat of her mind. Well, she's keeping a special spot for the sticky buns from the museum's café, but mostly, her thoughts revolve around Lena ; the scar on the inside of her palm, her calm pulse beneath her skin, the soft green of her eyes in the sun. Kara can't stop herself from looking at her, she steals glances as they walk, lingers at crosswalks so she can imprints her face in her mind. There's something in the way the low sunlight hits her face, the way the wind tugs at wisps of her dark hair, that makes everything feel right.
Under the artificial twinkle of the museum's stars, she looks just as beautiful, and the childlike wonder taking hold of her features as they walk through the aliens' myths and constellations exhibit warms Kara's heart more than the sun ever could.
"I like how we see the same stars but we have different stories about them," Lena muses as she peers at the long text captioning a depiction of Mars' night sky. "There's nothing about Krypton though. I thought it'd be the star of an exhibit like this one."
"Well Superman's off world," Kara remarks, "and as far as they know, they don't have anyone else they can ask these questions too. Plus, they had an exhibit about him not two months ago." She holds back a sigh, wondering for half a second if she should go forward with her next thought, one that is not always well received.
"That exhibit was about Superman," Lena says with a frown, "not Krypton. Your home planet is more than just your cousin."
At that, Kara soars. Since Sam left, and apart from Alex, not many people ever point that out. Nobody ever thinks of Krypton as a world outside of Superman's existence. Kal has told the public about a few legends, to try to make their world known, but even when they aren't recounted by him, everybody always find a way of bringing them back to just Superman. It has broken Kara's heart countless times. "I think about that from time to time," she says with a grateful smile. "I guess I can understand why Krypton would only be seen that way by the people of Earth, but it's my home, and there are days when it's hard that everything is always about Superman. I'm not in the public eye, I'm laying low and I can't really do something about it, but sometimes I really want to just, just scream, because the S does not mean super, and Kal-El is much more of a Nightwing than he is a Flamebird. Everybody's got it completely wrong."
As she speaks, her voice rises with frustration, and she's grateful for the companionable stretch of silence Lena gives her to calm down. They walk through suspended models of planets, their faces wafting in and out of their shadows until they reach the planetarium and Lena stops in front of the double doors. "Tell me a story from your home."
They make their way inside of the theatre. It's only a quarter full, courtesy of the next showing not being on until fifteen minutes, and silent stars dance across the spherical ceiling. In the semi darkness of the room, Lena cuddles up to Kara ; she sinks into her hold as Kara leans forward and starts talking in a low voice, her lips close to her ear.
"I told you about humans' misconception about wether Superman is Flamebird or Nightwing. It always infuriates me because they misread the myth by stopping at the names and it's actually much more complicated than that."
"So Flamebird isn't the nice one ?"
"There is no good or bad in the story I want to tell you," Kara corrects gently. "Both Nightwing and Flamebird are necessary to life, and their duality is present in every Kryptonian's soul."
"Okay," Lena says softly, "I think I understand."
Kara smiles and kisses the side of her head before she continues. "Kryptonians are more are less polytheistic. Rao is the main one, but we have a large pantheon of gods and several subdivision when it comes to our religion. Some prayed more to Rao, some more to his polar opposite Cythonna, but there are also Yuda, Telle, Mordo and Lorra. If you want to get into technicalities, there's also Aethyr, ruler of the Phantom Zone and collector of souls, but I'm not a fan of his work. I'm a Raoist. When I die," Kara stops to clear her throat, forcing out the words that get stuck in it, "I'll join my family in his light. In case I'm the first to leave, I taught Alex the prayer for the dead. If we're unfortunate, and she departs first, I'll have to find another solution."
With nothing but a light squeeze of the hand, Lena wordlessly tells Kara that she understands the depth of what she just told her, that she gets it, that it makes sense that she would want to be send off that way. She doesn't voice it, doesn't interrupt her, but Kara has a feeling that Lena wants to learn this prayer too, that she intends to stick around long enough to unfortunately need it someday. She glances at her, and Lena is staring ; her eyes deeply green and full of compassion and comprehension.
"Rao was born at the beginning of times, alongside the universe, and in turn he allowed the birth of his brothers and sisters. One in particular, Vohc, was tasked with creating the most perfect world. To assist him in his work, Rao created Flamebird who destroyed each of Vohc's creation, pushing him to do better and better each time. In time, Vohc and Flamebird fell in love, and to be with Flamebird's physical incarnation, Vohc took on the form of the dragon Nightwing. Nightwing would create a new world, and Flamebird would burn it down again and again. This went on for an infinity of cycles, until Nightwing created the most perfect of worlds and begged Flamebird to spare it. To fulfil her duty to Rao however, Flamebird destroyed this world too, and Vohc at the same time. With no purpose to her existence, Flamebird eventually burned out."
Lena exhales sharply, her lips forming a little oh that doesn't come out. "That's not a very happy story," she breathes out in a sad whisper.
"Who says it's the end of the story ?" Kara asks softly. "After all, Flamebird and Nightwing are reborn in each cycle."
"But it always end in tragedy, right ?"
"It does," Kara concedes with a shrug, "but it still was my favourite myth as a kid. I liked the idea of soulmates. And dragons. I mean, that's not what's important in that story, but I was five when I heard it for the first time, so I'll allow myself some leeway."
Lena's frown is broken by a quick laugh that cuts through the silence of the planetarium. Sheepishly, she covers her mouth, but it doesn't do much to hide her wide grin. "That's very you," she whispers though they've already attracted the attention of the few other people sitting under the stars. "Is there a broader meaning to the story that isn't 'dragons are cool' ?"
Kara bites back a laugh and pokes her shoulder in mocked offence. "Dragons are cool is the official teaching of Flamebird and Nightwing's story."
"If you say so," Lena says, raising an eyebrow and twisting her lips in a teasing and taunting smirk.
"Alright," Kara chuckles lowly, "you got me. It's about balance. Birth and destruction go together. Dark and light. Life emerges from chaos and in turn chaos comes from life. We all have Flamebird and Nightwing in us, what's important is how we balance them out, what we do with our emotions."
"Do," Lena starts before swallowing her question.
"Do the cycles end with Krypton's destruction ?" Kara completes for her. Lena nods, a small sad smile curling her lips. "No they don't. As long as there still is someone to tell these stories, then the cycles won't end. And I still believe in Flamebird and Nightwing. It's like Starhaven," she adds, gesturing toward the ceiling where a movie has started taking them on a journey across the stars, "if someone is here to talk about it, then it's not really dead."
The drowsy narrator's voice leads them through the planet's asteroids belt and for a moment, Kara lets herself be lost in the somewhat familiar stars. The planet has been reconstituted thanks to promotional pictures, and she remembers taking a long-haul flight there with her parents. It's not as impressive, not as beautiful, but the memory still twinges her heart a bit. Beside her, Lena shuffles to get comfortable and lays her head in the crook of her neck.
"Have you ever been there ?" she asks sleepily.
"Once," Kara replies softly. "It was the best holiday I've ever taken. The air smelled like, I guess like Earth cinnamon."
"Tell me about it ? That dude's voice is boring."
Kara chuckles and yawn exaggeratingly. "I was just ten cycles old," she remembers, "the Science Guild had just cleared for commercial flights several new types of ships capable of lifting off Krypton and my father decided we should go on a trip..." Using Lena's slow heartbeat, she tunes out the narrator's voice, and lets her own take control of the story.
"I'll have a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and twelve sticky buns."
Kara rattles her order without looking at the menu and in turn the waitress writes it down without raising an eyebrow. She's been here enough time that the staff doesn't ask questions anymore and it brings her a welcomed sense of normalcy. The Science Café's sticky buns are almost better than Noonan's, and she doesn't want to have to restrain herself. The place is decorated in a quite cheesy and science fictiony way, with metal paneling, blinking LED lights and round windows. The place mats are planet shaped and the chairs might have been scavenged from an actual space ship ; Kara loves it.
"And my girlfriend will have," she continues, pausing for half a second to allow a wide grin to take over her face after her lips wrap around the word girlfriend, "what will you have Lena ?"
Lena hums and blinks back to reality. She's sleepy, her hair a bit ruffled from the nap she took in the planetarium. She looks gorgeous, magnificent, out of this world. The coloured lights dance across her cheekbones, and it's simultaneously the cutest and most enticing thing Kara has ever seen. She wonders what Lena would look like aboard of an actual space ship, wearing one of those tight regulation suit women always seem to wear in budget sci-fi movies, with grease on her nose as she fixes a critical leak with poise and overt sexiness. She smiles, her eyes twinkling in time with her blush like she can read Kara's slightly inappropriate thoughts.
"I'll have a black coffee," Lena says after a cute little yawn, "and one of these sticky things my girlfriend is having."
The way Lena says this word, the way her body works to produces the word girlfriend with a slight lilt, is probably illegal across seven galaxies. But Kara thinks she deserves it, for taking too much pleasure in hearing her own voice saying that same word.
"Alright. So we have a hot chocolate, extra whipped cream, a coffee, black, and thirteen sticky buns," the waitress summarise, unaware, or uncaring of what's happening in front of her. "Anything else ?"
"A dozen more sticky buns to go," Lena says, shaking off the last remnant of sleep and sliding a shiny credit card across the table.
Gently but firmly, Kara covers her hand with her own and stops the progression of the offensive plastic card. "You're not paying."
"You paid for our museum tickets," Lena fires back with a slight frown.
"This is a date," Kara reminds her with a smile, "I asked you on a date. And I want to treat you right."
"Don't be old fashion darling," Lena scoffs. "I'm rich."
Kara's resolve wavers at the term of endearment, and it's enough for Lena to slip her hand out and give the card to the waitress.
"You're sneaky."
"Am I now ?" Lena asks with a pointed smirk.
Next to them, the waitress announces she'll be back with their order, but Kara barely notices her. Lena outshines every single person in the room.
"I have more money than is decent for one to have," Lena mumbles, twirling a napkin between her fingers. "Available in seconds, in every currency on the planet and then some from other worlds. This isn't nearly enough to even show up on my bank record. Let me do something nice for you."
"You don't have to shower me in money for me to l-like you," Kara replies. She feels hot all of a sudden, her invisible kryptonian blush simmering under her skin, out of sight, but very much present.
Lena sighs, stilling her hands for a couple of seconds before she resumes her destruction of the napkin. "I'm not always the best at showing that I care. I do things that might seem inadequate because I lack understanding of what is appropriate. I want you to teach me your love language, I want you to show me how I can be what's best for you. But until I learn, until I understand, I'll spend every last dime on you to make you see how much I care about you."
"Okay," Kara whispers, slowly bringing her hand back over Lena's. "I can understand that. You don't have to change who you are for me."
"I do want to be a better person though."
"Then we can learn together what being better means for us."
Kara lifts Lena's hands to her mouth with the firm intention of laying a soft caring kiss on them. But Lena uses the momentum to lift herself from her chair and lean forward, stopping an inch away. "Is it okay if I kiss you ? In public ?"
"Very much so."
She leans the rest of the way for what she intends to be a chaste and short kiss, but Lena's lips are a black hole and the moment she touches them, she loses all sense of time and space, getting lost in the feeling of kissing, and being kissed back by who she has no doubt, in this moment, is the love of her life.
/There's pain. Pain everywhere. Blinding pain that has her convinced that if she were to try to open her eyes, she wouldn't be able to see anything.
There's pain, and an incessant buzzing that doesn't come from a communication device, or a delivery drone outside her window, but from inside her own head.
It's unbearable and she wishes she were dead. She should be dead. She should be dead and welcomed in Rao's light for her virtuous short life. This is definitely not Rao's light.
Something churns in her stomach and she wants to throw up. She lurches forward but is stopped by heavy metal strapping her down. She can't even tell if she's standing or lying ; there is no up and down anymore.
"Hello Kara Zor-El, I've been watching you."
The voice seems to be coming from everywhere at once. She tries to open her eyes, but there's something blocking them, something inside her very brain telling her she can't.
"Where am I ?" she manages to croak. Her lips are chapped, her throat dry, and the edge of panic is starting to slice her in two. "Dad ? Anyone ? Where am I ? Dad ?!"
"Foolish little girl. Your dad is gone. Your world is gone."
"Please let me go !" She rocks against her restraints willing her body to be stronger than it is. She's trained harder that most kids her age, but it still isn't enough. "Where's my dad I want my dad !"
"For fuck's sake will you shut up ? Your dad's dead. He can't hear you. No one can hear you !"
"Please let me go !"
"Oh that I won't. I have big plans for you Kara Zor-El. Big big plans."
The voice moves, and she tries as hard as she can to locate it in the room, but apart from her own, there is no breathing, and she might has well be alone, hallucinating.
"Please," she tries again, calling on the voice's kryptonian virtues, "please can you tell me where I am ? I promise I'll be good. Can I please have some water ?"
"No," the voice cuts with cold finality. "You're annoying. Initiate implantation."
"Initiating implantation in 3, 2…"
"Wait ! No no no !" She trashes against her restraints once more but something seems wrong with her body. It's like she has no right side anymore. At all. "Please ! I want my dad !"
"…1. Implantation initiated."/
There's pain. Pain everywhere. Blinding pain that has her convinced that if she were to try to open her eyes, she wouldn't be able to see anything.
There's pain, and an incessant buzzing that doesn't come from her phone, or from a plane passing over, but from inside her own head.
It's unbearable and she wishes she were dead. She should be dead. She should have died on Krypton and…
Kara jolts awake to a deafening scream. Her own. She trashes around, frenetically looking for Lena until she remembers they're both sleeping in their own beds tonight. She's covered in a thin layer of sweat and there's something sticky on her hands and her phone is ringing and she just needs some fucking silence !
She tries to focus on her breathing, and asks Rao for help, but her god seems to be slipping away no matter how much she tries to cling to him and her phone is still ringing and "What ?!" she snaps as she takes the call.
"I'm really sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night," Alex says, her voice wavering on the other side of the line, "but our new vigilante went on another murder spree. They attacked fast, at several point in the city but we lost track of them in the Maaldorian neighbourhood, two blocks away from you..."
"Have you been able to reach Sam ?" Kara asks before the thought even forms clearly in her head.
"Her phone went straight to voicemail. But Kara I don't think she is…"
"We can't overlook the possibility, you know it." Kara sighs and forces herself upright, shuffling until she can sit on the edge of her bed. Out of habit, her hand goes to scratch her hair, but when it gets closer to her nose, she has to stop. The sticky thing smells metallic. Like blood.
"She wasn't able to prove she's a Worldkiller," Alex says weakly.
"But she didn't prove she isn't. I'll pick up Lena and meet you at the DEO."
"Lena ?"
"I don't care if this killer is her best friend or not, I'm not leaving her unprotected."
She hangs up before Alex has the time to protest, and besides, her sister has no ground to stand on, Kara knows she'll bring Kelly to safety too.
Momentarily forgetting about the blood, Kara rushes to Lena's apartment and starts knocking on the door. There's no reply from the other side, but Kara can hear Lena's heart rate jumping from sleep to consciousness to mild panic and she realises that waking her anxiety ridden girlfriend in the middle of the night might not be a smart thing to do.
"It's me," she says through the door when it doesn't open. "It's Kara."
"Kara ?" Lena mumbles, appearing in a sliver of light that gets wider when her identity is confirmed.
"I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night," Kara says, stepping inside of the apartment. "Something happened. We need to get to the DEO."
"We…?"
"I'm not leaving you behind," Kara cuts with hurried resolve.
"Sure," Lena manages to say between two yawns. "I'll just grab a jacket."
She begins to turn away, slowly, and in an uncoordinated way that Kara would find endearing in any other circumstances but that right now bumps against her perceived emergency of the situation.
"Wait," Lena says, stopping mid turn as her tired eyes settle more fully on Kara. "What happened to your arm ?"
Kara glances down, the blood on her hands coming back to her memory like a punch in the gut. The pain too. Her right arm is bleeding severely, scratched raw from her shoulder down to her elbow, the skin unevenly missing in several places.
"I think I had a nightmare."