Chapter Twenty Six

It's been a few days since I woke up but my recovery is slow. I'm having trouble moving my legs although they can move and I feel exhausted most of the time. They say I will probably be in the hospital until sometime in mid or late December. I hope it's in time for her birthday.

Kyoko holds tight to my hand with both of hers as she kisses it gently. I still feel woozy and I feel a lot of pain throughout my body. If I concentrate too hard the pain increases. I can't even communicate anymore and sometimes it's as if I'm not present any longer. Kyoko holds to my hand tightly and squeezes it as the therapist puts out a tray on the bed and puts different cards with pictures on it. I turn to Kyoko but there's no judgment on her face, she's just looking at the simple pictures like a cat and a dog.

"Hopefully we can get a benchmark of how you're thinking right now, Kuon," the therapist says to me but even though she's addressing me I have the feeling that she's telling Kyoko. "This isn't a test where you're being graded we're just trying to figure out what level of comprehension and understanding that you're at."

I turn to Kyoko. I know that they are trying to help me but I don't want her to be disgusted by me. She looks into my eyes and kisses my cheek lovingly.

"Sweetheart, we have to start your therapy somewhere and it doesn't matter to me where you're at," she says as she kneels down opposite me. "Don't worry about how I feel about your answers. Just do the best that you can."

I pause and continue to stare at her but then nod. I'm not stupid. It's just that something in my brain makes me freeze when I attempt to speak and I can only say short syllables. The therapist has the cards placed in front of me. These are all words that have one syllable to them and I'm not feeling comfortable with saying all of them.

"Now," the speech and language therapist tells me, "I'd like you to locate the cards which I ask for in as much time as you need. I'm going to say a word and if you could hand me the card," she says and I pause as I look at them. There's a lot of different pictures and I'm not sure if this will change the test results. "Okay. Can you show me which the hat is?"

I look down at the cards and then turn to Kyoko. I hate feeling helpless. She whispers that it's okay and kisses my hand again. I manage to find the hat and hand it to the therapist.

"Okay. Next is dog."

I hand the dog card to her. In fact, although it takes me longer to locate the card then understand the word on it, I get everything correct. It seems like the type of activity a toddler would be asked to do and it makes me feel self-conscious.

"Kuon was able to locate all of the cards," Kyoko says as she turns to look up at the therapist. "What does that mean? That's very good, right?"

"It means that he understands the words which we're using even if he is finding it hard to form those words himself," the therapist says and I nod. I bring Kyoko's hand to my own lips and kiss her.

"Yo…'kay…Ko'ko?" I ask her slowly, slurring my words a little without meaning to. I sound sick. I sound like I've suffered a stroke and am one of those people who become a burden on everyone around them. Kyoko blinks back her tears and nods. I wish I wasn't putting her through all of this pain.

"Yeah," she says as she tries to hide the tears in her eyes but she's smiling. Those are happy tears. "I knew you were always so intelligent," she says before getting up and kissing me on the lips. As she pulls back, I look away. I know that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I feel very guilty that she plans to spend part of it with me at the hospital. If this really is bringing her joy then I want to do my best for her.

"To'ro?" I ask her again hating the way that I sound but the doctors aren't going to operate on my throat so at least I get to keep my voice.

"Julie and Kuu are going to treat the girls to a great Thanksgiving and I'm going to come here so you won't be alone," she tells me as she smooths my hair down on my uninjured side. I shake my head but she puts her hand to my cheek and looks at me firmly. "I want to be here. I know that Thanksgiving means more to you than to me and I am most thankful that you're alive. I need to be here."

The therapist puts down some new picture cards in front of me but then also some words. I can understand the words. I don't think I could write the letters too well for right now but I can read the words and match them up even if I have to do it slowly. Kyoko watches as I do so and seems excited that I'm doing it at a reasonable speed.

The therapist puts the cards together and smiles, "I have to be honest with you, Kuon. It's incredible that you sustained such an injury and still can function at this level. I have great hope for your recovery."

I pause, it stings a little. This level? I look down. Am I that pitiful. Kyoko looks to me, tilting her head as she watches me. She knows what I'm thinking without my even saying it.

"We are a family, that doesn't change. You are still my husband, still the man I love and you are still Rose's and Ana's loving father. I know that's what is most important to you, that you're their father and that won't change. I promise you. You have us with you. You have your family, a family that loves you and that definitely includes me. I will never ever stop loving you, Corn."

"Lo' yo' K'oko," I slur out again and she smiles, closing her eyes and breathing gently as if that is the only thing she needs to hear.

…..

…..

I look across at Kuon feeling a little guilty for waking him up but the pains and aches of carrying a six-month-old fetus is something that doesn't make me feel the best. I've been having trouble sleeping so I told Kuon that I'd come downstairs and read a book and he offered to come with me. I feel a little guilty that he just followed me down here. I know that he only wants to support me but he needs his sleep as well.

He pulls out a pen and marks something down on the paper in front of him. I smile. I wonder if he's making dictionary entries from his phone again. I smile playfully before going to join him. "Hi," I smile and he turns to me, putting down the pen and paper.

"Sit here," he says as he gets up from the chair and helps me sit down. I watch him wondering what he's up to. He starts to massage my bag and shoulders before kissing my cheek gently. "You are so beautiful," he tells me and I smile. He always takes such amazing care of me. I look at the paper he put down. "Interested?" he laughs.

"Maybe you needed something loo-" I pause as I see what is in front of me. It's a Japanese crossword puzzle but it's an advanced general knowledge crossword and Kuon has nearly got all of the words in there correctly, there are only a couple of blank spaces. I laugh. "I know that father always says that you're smart but…"

"Hey," Kuon says teasingly, "I'm not as smart as you are but I'm not stupid. Are you trying to tell me something?"

"No, I just forget that you could have gotten a masters degree easily with your intelligence," I tell him and he laughs. He kisses my cheek and comes to squat in front of me and he takes one of my hands in his and brings it to his lips.

"Yes, possibly," he tells me. "But what kind of fun would I have in life if I gave up on acting?"

…

…..

I can't imagine how hard it is for him. He's always been so articulate, so capable, so charming and as much as I hate to admit it manipulative and able to control a situation without anyone even noticing it. Now he can't even take hold of his own situation. I hate seeing him this way and not being able to heal him. I'm proud of him though. He's fighting and he's obviously not brain dead. I believe that he'll get better and recover but I'd hate to be seen as an invalid or burden.

As I watch him sleep, I brush his hair back and try to smile weakly. At least he's alive and recovering. I keep thinking about how they said that he'd die on the scene or die before the hospital. I feel a deep sense of pain throughout my entire body as I think about the pain I would have gone through had he really died on me. It'd be a million times worse than the struggle now.

"I have to go for a few hours," I tell him knowing that I need to at least spend some time with the kids and I need something to eat and probably a shower and to change my clothes. "Your Dad is here," I turn to Father who is standing in the doorway. He told me what he did to Shotaro and I'm surprised that they just fined him the money and didn't bring it to court. They said that he got a little bit more of an understanding reaction because he called the ambulance for Shotaro himself and even covered the charge for it.

I don't know what led him to do that but Father is a good person and Kuon would have wanted to do that himself. Yeah, if Kuon was at the same level of physical fitness as he had been before any of this had happened, he could have beaten the crap out of Shotaro. Now he's been officially deemed unable to care for himself. I care for him though, I'm going to do all I can to make sure that he's okay and that all the best decisions are made.

"Thank you, Father," I whisper as I squeeze Kuon's hand. "He might just sleep through your visit. He did really well with the speech and language therapist today."

Father smiles as he comes and sits down next to Kuon. "Kyoko, if you want to get some sleep and return in the morning," he suggests and I notice that he's brought with him a few books but when I see that they are all about traumatic brain injuries I feel that cold piercing through me again. Father is truly concerned about him as is Julie.

"I don't know," I whisper as I stare at him. "Father, you'll keep an eye on him, right? Make sure that he doesn't-"

"I will do all I can to keep him safe," Father promises me and I shift uneasily. I don't want to leave Kuon but I think the girls need me with them as well. "He knows that you love him. He wouldn't judge you for -"

"I'll be back in the morning as early as possible," I tell Father with a deep bow. I go over to Kuon and squeeze his hand, shaking his shoulder a little. "Corn, sweetheart?" I ask hating to wake him but I'd be even more upset at myself if I didn't tell him anything. "I'm going to go but I'll be back in the morning, okay?" I ask him and he nods slowly. He's still sleepy. "Your dad is here. I just didn't want you to think that I've left," I tell him before kissing his forehead. "I'm sorry to wake you, Corn, please get some sleep my love."

Kuon nods and mouths once again that he loves me before returning to sleep. I put my hand on his shoulder and tuck the blanket around him. I remember when I didn't want to be someone who went around like an idiot saying that I wanted my life to revolve around one person. Now I'm glad that it does. I married someone who makes me the center of his world so why shouldn't he be the center of mine?

…

…

I can't work out where I am. It doesn't seem real, it's as if I'm somewhere I shouldn't be and then I hear raindrops and look up to see that I'm holding a black umbrella. I'm in a graveyard but I don't know why. Kuon is recovering. He might not be in the best of shape but he's recovering gradually and I don't understand what is here but as I look up to where Kuu and Julie are surrounded by maybe a hundred or so people, I walk towards where there is an open coffin.

My heart stops as I see that Kuon's body is in the coffin and my heart seems to rip open in a way that I've never experienced. I take slow and nervous steps forward and the body just remains there, unmoving. "Sweetheart?" I whisper before seeing him there, he's not moving, I reach out and I feel that there is no blood, no breath. "Corn," I whisper painfully before whipping around.

Why did I not know that he had died? No. He's not dead. He can't be dead. I try to touch him, prodding him and yet nothing. I hear laughter to the side and freeze as I see Ren there. How come Kuon is in the coffin but Ren is standing right in front of me? This doesn't make sense.

"Sweetheart," I reach out for him but he pulls back before looking at his dead self.

"You caused this, you know," he tells me and I stare at him. I don't understand what is happening but the Ren who is talking to me seems to be the Ren from ten years ago when we first started dating, not Kuon who is as I saw him today. "It really is surprising that your love still isn't good enough. Your mother left you. Fuwa left you. Now you've caused me to die. I could have had a very happy life if I wasn't running after you this whole time. It's better now because you only stayed with me out of guilt."

"I…" I stare at him but nobody else seems to see him, they are more upset over Kuon in the casket. Have I lost my mind? "I love him. Even if I didn't feel guilty, I would be staying at his side. I love him. I love you."

"If you really loved me, I wouldn't be dead. You were the one who was supposed to die. Now my acting career is gone and I died disabled and helpless. You did that to me, you and your slutty na-"

I look down. This must be some horrible dream, he always calls me a slut in my nightmares and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I once used to desire being considered pure and not one who would fall for love. I look at him and walk forwards and do the one thing I would do to Kuon at any times, I walk into his chest and wrap my arms around him. This time he doesn't wrap his arms around me and I look up to see that corpse of Kuon.

….

….

I look to the side as I wake up. He should be there in the bed and I should be the one in the hospital or in a graveyard. He didn't have to do anything. He could have been keeping Ana and Rose safe but instead he tried to keep us all safe. If he hadn't done anything people would have grieved for me and I don't know if he would have ever recovered from that emotional loss but he wouldn't have been hurt.

Still, I'm not continuing to fight for us because I feel that I need to and that I'm responsible for what happened to him. I want him with me. I want to help him recover but even if he never does. Even if he stops getting better at some point, I love him. I want to be with him. I might be a reason for his pain but I know he'd want to be there for me and nothing would stop him.

I look around. There has to be something that I can do to make him feel better, to show just how much I appreciate him being in my life. I mean, I should be thankful for that at least.

End of Chapter Twenty Six

Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated

Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Twenty Five

Kyoko minion

AN: Thank you, kyoko minion for your review about Saena, it made me consider her help in a future chapter