Mercedes glanced around at the Christmas tree as she placed the gifts for everyone. It had been 3 months since Hayden was born and while things with Sam and her were great, they still hadn't connected because of his work schedule and Hayden.
The house was decorated for Christmas day and she was happy his family had flown in for the Holiday's and hoping maybe she and Sam could sneak away. She went to check on Hayden who was laughing with Stacey and then made her way to the kitchen to start on dinner.
"Are you starting dinner without Mom?" Sam asked as he walked in and headed over to the fridge. "If she catches you, you're gonna be in troooouble."
Mercedes laughed. "I am just prepping before she gets here. You know I would never." She said as she started to shred and cube the cheese.
Sam grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped it open, taking a long drink. He walked over and rubbed Mercedes' back gently. "How're you feeling? I know Hayden was a little fussy this morning."
"I am okay, just want this Christmas to be good you know?" She held up a cheese cube and popped it in Sam's mouth. "He seems perfectly happy now though."
"Mmm," Sam hummed happily as he chewed. "Well, yeah, he's getting all the attention now. I don't know if you've noticed, but our son is an attention hog. But he is the son of two show biz people, so can we really be surprised?"
"One show biz person..." Mercedes mumbled under her breath. "Yeah he wants it and he gets it. Just like his daddy."
Sam sighed softly. "Haven't lost your sass whether you're working right now or not," he pointed out. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"Oh the sass and the ass stays no matter what I do." Mercedes smiled. "Its a good thing for him, bad thing for me."
"Lucky me," Sam teased with a grin. "It's a bad thing for you that he's just like me? How rude." He laughed.
Mercedes laughed as she stopped cutting and turned to him. "I just mean he already has that Evans charm which means he will try to use it against me."
"Maybe. But I think you have a good year before he starts," Sam insisted. "At least until he starts doing it on purpose. Right now he's just relying on the cute."
"Well, he is awfully cute!" Mary declared as she came in, waving her hands happily. "Did you start without me?"
Mercedes sighed and nodded. "I suppose you are right." Hearing Mary she turned and smiled, she moved from Sam and went over to Mary. "I only started the prep work, just so I can help til I need to pump." She hugged her and moved so that Sam could hug his mom.
"I told her you'd be mad," Sam insisted as he greeted her.
"Nonsense, I'm not mad," Mary insisted. "I picked up a few extra groceries though. Stevie, where'd you go?"
"I'm not Stevie anymore. I'm a load bearing camel," Stevie insisted, carrying the bags in.
Mercedes stuck her tongue out at Sam. "Go help your brother." She turned to Mary. "You didn't have too do that mom."
"I'm a feeder mom. I can't help myself," Mary insisted, shaking her head as she looked in the fridge.
Sam grabbed some of the bags and the boys piled them on the counter. "Do you need us to help with anything?"
Mercedes started to unload the bags. "We can alway usenhelp, but I know Stacey said she wanted to help with dinner so maybe relieve her from Hayden duty?"
"Oh good. I'm a much better father than I am a cook," Sam laughed, kissing Mercedes' cheek before going to do as he was told.
"Me too," Stevie decided. "I mean... uncle? Not a dad. No need to panic, Mom."
She couldnt help feeling disappointed at the kiss on the cheek, that's all she seemed to get now. Mercedes eyes shot up at Stevies words and laughed seeing her and Mary with the same expression. "Boy you better go on." She teased going back to the cheese. Trying not to dwell on her thoughts.
Stevie turned on his heels and went after his brother before he got himself in any more trouble.
Mary just shook her head as she got some ingredients out. "Words were never my either of my sons' greatest gift," she laughed. "How are you feeling, dear?"
Mercedes laughed softly, she knew that firsthand. Mercedes glanced up at Mary. "I'm good. Feeling better everyday I suppose." And she was, seemed like everything was almost back to normal except her and Sam.
Mary nodded along. "It take awhile sometimes. Giving birth is pretty much the most difficult and amazing thing your body can do," she told her. "No matter how it happens. Takes time to heal physically and emotionally."
Mercedes chewed her bottom lip. "Will it always be this hard? Not the baby part, I can take care of Hayden in my sleep, but the getting back to normal part?"
"Mother's instinct," Mary chuckled. "Which part are you referring to? You seem to be doing pretty well here. Are you missing your career?"
Mercedes placed the cheese cubes into the bowl and closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't miss my career I love being a mom. But..." She stopped she couldn't talk to Sam's mom about her problems with Sam. "Just weird stuff you know?"
"I love being a mom too. But it's important that you're still Mercedes," Mary insisted. "Whether that's a career is up to you, of course. Just remember that while being a mom is now your most important thing, it doesn't have to be your only thing."
Mercedes nodded as she went to make the Mac and Cheese. She knew Mary was right but she put thoughts of having her career away a while ago. But maybe she could find a hobby.
"Not that it's my place to tell you what to do." Mary held her hands up innocently. "I was a stay at home mom for many wonderful years and I loved every minute of it. I just found it was good to spend time with my friends outside of the kids once in awhile. And time with my husband, of course."
Mercedes glanced at her. "I appreciate the advice I really do. And anymore you can give I would love its just... Sam and I just aren't connecting like we used to do."
"Well, that can be hard with an infant around. They can be rather demanding of your time." Mary shuffled around the kitchen expertly as she spoke. "Especially when their grandmother is much too far away."
"I guess...its just that was the one thing I knew, if everything else went bad we had. And now we just...don't get me wrong we are happy I love him and Hayden with everything I have in me. But I worry that everything that happened during the last few months of my pregnancy caused a rift."
Mary leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest as she considered her daughter-in-law. "He seems as in love with you as he ever has, dear," she admitted. "What makes you think there's a rift?"
Mercedes smiled, she knew that much was true. "He is, I know that and I can see that but I have been cleared for two months now and yes its tough with Hayden but there are times when he is sleeping and we are together and it seems he is just more content in being with me then making love to me. And I know that sounds weird coming from me because he is your son so I am just gonna stop talking." She said grabbing the pan.
Mary just smiled slowly. "I have a grandson and you're married. Did you think I didn't know you were having sex?" she teased. "But you're right about one thing. I'm not the one you should be talking to about it."
Mercedes smiled back at her and sighed as she placed the Mac and Cheese in one of the ovens. If only Mary knew how much they had had she would understand what Mercedes was feeling. "I know I should talk to him I guess I just don't want to hear the reasons..."
Mary hummed, nodding slowly. "I understand that. Having a baby changes the body a lot too. But my guess is you're thinking about that a lot more than he is. And would you rather he thought you didn't care about the reasons?"
"Okay, sorry! I'm here!" Stacey declared as she came into the kitchen. "Hayden was doing this scrunchy face thing and I got distracted."
Mercedes moved over to Mary and hugged her. "I am so lucky to have you. My parents they never gave me any advice never made me feel anything other than shame for not doing things right. Thank you." Mercedes laughed towards Stacey and shook her head. "That little boy is gonna get more attention at dinner than anyone in the world. He is so spoiled already."
"Anytime, sweetheart," Mary assured her. "That's what I'm here for."
"I'd say he was the cutest Christmas baby ever, but Jesus might get mad at me," Stacey giggled.
Mary just shook her head. "Stacey why don't you boil the potatoes. And Mercedes, why don't you take a break for a little while? Spend some time with your husband."
Mercedes laughed and put the dish towel down. "I think I would like that. Its about time for Hayden to take his nap anyways." She bumped Stacey playfully as she made her way to the living room and smiled seeing Stevie and Sam playing with Hayden. "Well isn't this a beautiful Christmas sight?"
Stevie sat up at the voice, embarrassed at being caught making silly faces at a baby. "Oh... hi. I need to go... call a girl," he declared, getting up from the floor and walking out.
"Uncle Stevie's very silly, isn't he, bud?" Sam coped, tickling Hayden's belly.
"Stevie don't be like that!" She teased as he walked away. Mercedes looked at Sam and smiled softly. "Wanna help me put him down for a nap?"
"He'll get over it in a few years," Sam laughed. He stood and picked Hayden up from the floor. "Sure. I think he's a little hungry. He went after my boob."
Mercedes giggled laughing at Sam. "Please that isn't even a boob its just a flat chested nipple." she teased. "But yeah I can feed him. Come on to the nursery."
"Which tells you how desperate he must be," Sam pointed out, chuckling as he followed her back to the nursery. He bounced Hayden gently as they walked. "Don't worry. Mama's got the goods."
Sitting in the rocking chair, she grabbed his nursing blanket and took Hayden so she could feed him. After a moment she sighed "Sometimes I still can't believe he is ours."
"Tell me about it. I still feel like a kid half the time, much less knowing I have one of my own," Sam agreed as he laid Hayden in Mercedes' arms.
Mercedes nodded. "Well at least we know hes a happy and healthy baby." She glanced at Sam and bit her bottom lip. She missed him. Missed him in the most basic way but she couldnt say anything he was happy so happy and maybe that meant he wasnt missing her.
Sam went to his knees on the floor beside the chair so he could stay close. He ran his finger along the bottom of Hayden's tiny foot. "He's perfect," he agreed quietly, smiling up at Mercedes. "Just like his Mama."
Mercedes smiled. "I am far from perfect." She mused as he ate. She would never get over being able to provide nourishment for her son.
Sam took her free hand and brought it to his lips. "Perfect to me," he insisted.
Her heart fluttered as it often did when he touched her. "I love you Sam."
"I love you too," he whispered, licking his lips slowly. "It's our first family Christmas."
Mercedes nodded. "It is, this year has been so crazy but we made it."
"We did. Together." Sam laid his head gently on Mercedes' knee and closed his eyes. "Many more to come."
Mercedes placed her hand on his head and sighed. Hayden had finished eating and she burped him as he fell to sleep. She smiled. He was everything to her, they both were.
Sam looked up after a few moments of enjoying the quiet. "Want me to lay him in his crib?"
Mercedes nodded. "Sure." She said handing him over to Sam and sitting back for a moment.
Sam pressed a soft kiss to Hayden's cheek before he settled him into his crib, just looking at him for a moment. This was definitely the best Christmas he'd ever had before.
Mercedes stood watching Sam, then turned towards the door. "So maybe I should get back to cooking..."
Sam turned to her with a soft smile. "If you want. I'm sure Ma's got it covered if you wanna take a rest. It's up to you," he told her, grabbing the monitor. "I can keep an ear out for this one."
Mercedes turned towards Sam, she moved closer to him and took his hand in hers. "Sam, do you still find me attractive?"
Sam took her hand happily, but his eyebrows shot up as she spoke. "What? Of course, I do," he replied, trying not to be too loud so he wouldn't wake the baby.
Mercedes looked at Hayden and pulled Sam into their adjoining room. "Sam we used to have sex everywhere it didn't matter when or where. But now its like, like we don't do anything but watch movies and kiss on the cheek."
Sam's mouth opened, but quickly snapped shut again. It wasn't like this was something he hadn't been thinking about, but he hadn't exactly expected her to bring it up now. "Well, I... our lives are different now, you know? We have a baby."
She sighed. "Yes things are different Sam, so what does that mean? You just don't want to have sex with me anymore?"
"No!" Sam insisted again, running a hand through his hair as he tried to gather his thoughts together. "Of course it doesn't- Cedes, I don't think there's been a moment since we met that I haven't wanted you."
"But you don't show it." She moved closer to him. "Make love to me Sam, right here right now."
Sam chewed at his bottom lip, his hands sliding up her arms slowly. "My parents are here, babe."
"Wow." She backed away from him. "Yeah thats what I thought." She turned to leave.
"Wait, Cedes." Sam reached out and took her hand, drawing her back again. "Do you wanna have this conversation right now? You wanna know the truth?"
Mercedes close her eyes and swallowed hard before nodding. "Yes I want to know the truth."
Sam licked his lips again, looking down at the ground for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "I'm scared," he told her quietly. "I'm terrified."
Mercedes stared at him. "Scared? Sam what are you Terrified about?"
Sam sighed and took a seat at the end of their bed, rubbing his hands together. "Do you have any idea how it feels to have someone ask you to choose between your son and your wife?"
Mercedes sat next to him. "I don't. And I am sorry they asked you that. Sam, are you afraid that you are gonna hurt me? Or worse that if we have sex you will lose me?"
Sam's jaw tightened and he took a deep breath. "I know it sounds ridiculous. But it was so close to happening. And the chances of having preeclampsia in a second pregnancy are even higher if you had it the first time. Yeah, I read!"
"You are afraid of getting me pregnant again..." She said having an ah ha moment. "So you aren't going to have sex with me because you are afraid of getting me pregnant and having to go through all this again..."
Sam wiped his palms on the knees of his jeans. "Like I said, I know it sounds ridiculous. It's obviously not actually a solution. I'm already starting to go insane from not being with you. But fear's a pretty powerful thing, I guess."
Mercedes frowned. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you talk to me about it. Sam you have been dealing with this alone and it couldn't have been easy...I should have known I just didn't."
Sam shook his head slightly. "You've been through enough already. And you hadn't brought it up, so I kinda figured you weren't ready anyway. You know your body better than I do. I figured we'd talk about it when the time was right, but... it just never seemed to be right."
Mercedes agreed. "I understand. I knew you were busy with the movie and that Photoshoot, you had a few Auditions and I didn't want to bring it up. I didn't want to know the answer either I was afraid that while you loved me, you didn't love making love to me anymore."
"I can't imagine not wanting you," Sam told her sincerely. His fingers came up to her chin and he tilted her face up towards his. He leaned down and kissed her lips softly. "I just... also can't stand the thought of losing you."
Mercedes sighed heavily. "I can understand that." She stood from the bed and pulled him up with her. "I am gonna go help make dinner, you should watch the game with your dad and brother."
Sam stood and looked down at her with slight confusion. "That's it?"
"That's it. I am not going to force you to be with me, you aren't ready and if you aren't I can respect that. I love you more than I love making love to you so whenever you are ready then we will do it."
His brows drew together curiously "No, 'You're overreacting, Sam! Everything will fine! Nothing bad's gonna happen!'?"
Mercedes sighed turning back towards him. "I wasn't there, i didn't have to hear the doctor ask me to choose between you or Hayden. Do I think anything bad is gonna happen? No I don't. But you aren't overreacting you can feel how you feel. I just want to support you the way you always support me. I want to make you happy even if that means I have to wait a little longer to make love to my husband."
Sam swallowed and nodded slowly, squeezing her hand. "Okay," he said quietly stealing another kiss.
Mercedes kissed him back and smiled. "But you know...there is nothing wrong with us making out for a little bit." she said wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Never anything wrong with that," Sam agreed, pulling her against him. He kissed her again, letting it deepen this time and hoping he could show her just how much she meant to him even with that small gesture.
Mercedes shivered as he kissed her, he always took her breath away. She ran her tongue over the seam of his lips, nipping at it as her tongue brushed against his.
Just the taste of her made him weak in the knees. Yes, he definitely wanted her in ways he couldn't begin to explain. "Cedes," he whispered against her lips, a small whine following it.
Mercedes moved them towards the bed and sat him down before sitting on his lap. "You are the best thing in my life Sam, between you and Hayden i never knew my life could be so perfect." She said kissing him again.
Sam's hand instinctively went to her thighs and slid upward. No matter how many months went by, he'd never forget what made her feel good. "I love you so much."
Mercedes whimpered. "We should probably stop." she panted as her lips moved to his neck. She sucked below his ear.
Sam's fingers slid around to the back of her neck, his own head tilting back. It had been damn near six months all put together and he was starting to think this might end before anything even started anyway.
"Oh, honeys! I'm home!" called a familiar accent from the living room.
Sam let out a frustrated groan. "Oh, fuck me."
Mercedes moaned as she started to rock against him. She shook her head kissing him again. "Just ignore him for a minute." She moaned biting his lip gently.
Sam's hands slid down to Mercedes' ass and gave it a squeeze as he returned her kiss. "You do know he won't hesitate to walk in here, right?"
"Then he will be have a show won't he?" She said moving faster.
"Babe...oh," Sam moaned softly. "You keep that up, I'm gonna have to get changed."
"Just because we can't have sex, doesn't mean we can't have fun." She moaned out feeling her own need grow.
The door cracked open and Sam yelled before it even opened all the way. "Out!" he called, chuckling when it snapped shut again. He pulled Mercedes' lips back to his own possessively.
"God I love it when you get like that." She whimpered in his lap. "Tell me how bad you want me Sam."
"Oh, you have no idea," Sam breathed out, his fingers sliding beneath her top. "I've been aching for you for months, baby."
"I can't wait until I can have you Sam, feel you inside of me." she whimpered.
Sam swallowed, his cock hard and pressing against her desperately. "Tonight," he told her breathlessly. "Tonight after everyone's gone to bed... we'll give Santa a show when he brings the gifts."
She could feel herself close to falling apart and his words just made her want him more. "Y-you sure?"
Sam swallowed as his fingers tightened against her skin and he nodded. "We can be smart and... and careful. You're... my wife. And the woman I love. And I want you."
"I want you too." she breathed as she rocked against him quickly. "So close baby...so close."
"Oh..." Sam watched her, his eyes dark with a familiar desire he'd been fighting back. "It's been so long since I've seen my girl cum. Let me see you, gorgeous."
Mercedes couldn't say anything, she just nodded as she finally let go and came hard against him. Even fully clothes she fell completely apart for him.
That would never fail to be the most incredible sight Sam could witness. "Good God, you're incredible," he whispered in awe.
She bucked faster wanting him to cum too. "Your turn baby cum for me, I can feel how bad you need too." She said still coming down.
Sam's hands came up to cup Mercedes' face and he looked into her eyes. "I love you. And you are... the sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on. Ohhhhh." Pulling her close, he kissed her hard as he came in his jeans.
Mercedes returned his kiss, loving that even now, they could be intimate. Even now they could show their love for each other. She was glad she talked to him. "And you are the sexiest man." She kissed him once more. "I guess I should let you take care of that?"
"Heh... yeah." Sam leaned back, his hands propping him up on the bed. He silently wondered why the hell he hadn't thought of this before. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower."
"I am gonna get cleaned up in Hayden's bathroom...if I join you in there I will join you in the shower and we will never leave this room." she teased.
"That's... just a fact," he laughed, letting himself fall back against the mattress so he could take a moment to catch his breath. He really was the luckiest man around.
Mercedes laid with him for a moment and snuggled close. "You and Hayden, best thing ever." She kissed him once more. "I will see you in a bit and oh tonight, wear something...sexy, may I request your birthday suit?" She teased before getting up and heading to Hayden's room.
"You got it, baby." Sam held her hand until she walked away and he let out a breath. He couldn't deny the fear was still sitting in his gut. They had so much to think about now. Their son factored into every decision they made. He needed his mother and Sam needed her just as much. But it was crazy to think that never having sex again was the answer to that, he reminded himself.
Pushing himself up, he headed into the bathroom to contemplate some more in the shower.