"Change is annoyingly difficult." Mercurial stared at the sky, their thoughts drifting.
"It is." Dragonus was sitting next to them, their shoulders touching. "But isn't this a nice change? Isn't it worth all the difficulties?"
Mercurial didn't answer directly. They let their thoughts wander, beginning with the days they had met Shendel and then Dragonus. They thought about all the things they had done together, first as friends and then as more, as partners, as lovers. It had been so much fun, they had all been high on love, they hadn't cared about anything except their joy and the time they could spend together. It had been amazing!
But then the first problem had fallen in front of their feet. A big problem, something they couldn't simply ignore. Up to that moment Mercurial would've answered Dragonus' question with a clear 'Yes, it is worth it.'.
The first problem was followed by a second and third one, and it didn't look as if it would stop anytime soon. The problems were all connected to them being a couple of three creatures, or to Mercurial being what they were, a spectre.
Shendel was away today, trying to solve one of these shitty problems, but she had been gone for a whole week and Mercurial was missing her like crazy. They missed her so much it hurt and it was driving them crazy. Couldn't the stupid female at least write a letter to let them know when she'd be back? But she probably didn't know and she probably didn't have time to write.
And Dragonus by their side, he was absentminded, which was understandable since Mercurial was absentminded as well. But he'd have to go today as well, leaving Mercurial alone in the camp. With nothing to do but wait.
It was all too difficult and even thinking about being alone made their whole body hurt. Their heart ached like it hadn't done in centuries and even though the Spectre never cried they were close to tears now. Was this relationship really worth it? Worth the pain and despair they felt when they were alone? Because as long as they were in a relationship and the problems kept coming, it would never end. They could see Shendel and Dragonus hurting whenever something new popped up and they hated it.
If they left, just left the two and the relationship they shared, the pain might be worse, would definitely be worse, but it would fade away eventually. Then they would be free of pain again. Then the two would be free of all these stupid problems and the pain it caused them! They weren't selfish enough to only think of themself, but if the other two felt like Mercurial, wouldn't it be only sensible? It would solve all problems at once and they'd stop missing each other one day, time would make sure of that.
Sometimes the pain about it all, not only the being alone but also seeing the two others hurting, was so intense that Mercurial wanted to curl into a ball and cry until they were numb from it. They wanted to take a blade and cut lines into their skin until the physical pain was so strong that everything else faded away. They wanted to run and run until their body collapsed from exhaustion. They wanted to kill every creature that made the life of Shendel and Dragonus this complicated when they only wanted to have fun together.
The way it was now, the problems, the being separated, not having time to write, not knowing when to see each other again, it might stay forever. The switch between joy and pain was driving the Spectre crazy. One day it was perfect, it was fun and so amazing to be in love and to be loved. The next day they were alone, without any contact to Shendel or Dragonus, without knowing when they'd be together again, or if they'd be together again. While the two had to battle whatever stupid problems someone shoved at them.
The worst about it was that Mercurial could do nothing. They couldn't accompany the two or help them or something. All they could do was wait. For them to come back or for them to write. They were helpless.
Dragonus turned towards Mercurial and framed their face with his hands. He made them look at him. "Isn't it worth all the difficulties?" There was pain in his voice now, because they hesitated with their answer, they could clearly hear it. They could see it in his eyes as well. They didn't want him to hurt, they never wanted that. If they could, they'd solve all the problems the two had on their own, just to spare them the suffering it caused them. They wouldn't mind suffering in their stead, that was a pain they'd gladly take.
So this time, even though they were not sure, they smiled. Bright and beautiful, pushing all their worries away so Dragonus wouldn't see them. "Of course it is worth it!" They leaned forward to kiss him, still smiling. "I love you and some little difficulties won't change that." At least the second sentence was true. They just hoped the first one was as well.