Crawmerax's Lair
ROLAND: Okay, so, fun fact: I've never died before. Despite having a New-U account since I joined the Lance, having hacked it when I left to make sure they couldn't just shut me out, I've never actually needed it. And today, I have died 5 times trying to kill this fucking thing.
LILITH: Guys, I'm really sorry, honestly. I mean, it's really not fair that I've gotten away without dying so far.
MORDECAI: Hey, don't apologize for that, it's good to have somebody consistently up there to distract it while we go up to shoot at it.
LILITH: I still feel bad though. I mean, watching you get thrown off the cliff is one thing, but seeing the craws bite you in half…
ROLAND: Unfortunately enough, I've seen worse. Okay, time to explain what happened. It's been a few weeks since we defeated INAC and got paid for our efforts, and not much has happened since then until yesterday, where we got a message from T-Bone Junction that a massive and dangerous creature had shown up and somebody there dared us to go after it. We were going to ignore it, since the creature was apparently unable to escape from its prison. Then we were told that rumor has it the creature either has within it or protects Pearlescent weapons.
LILITH: I mean, I never heard of those before the guy in the quest description mentioned it. Are they really that special?
MORDECAI: Lilith, Pearls are to Legnedaries what Legendaries are to vendor trash. They're the guns made for the top 1% of the top 1%. Each and every one of them is custom made, with cutting edge tech that makes them totally unique from anything else in the galaxy. You think stuff like a Volcano or a Hellfire breaks the mold? Try an smg which fires shock, acid, and normal rounds all at once! Or a shotgun that fires grenades which are affected by your grenade mod! They are literally worth dying for, which is why I stuck around after the first death.
ROLAND: Exactly. Anyway, the name of this beast is Crawmerax the Invincible, and he is apparently what the craw worms we've seen across Pandora used to be before the seas dried up in this hemisphere. Which is a terrifying thought, given how powerful just this one beast is. Crawmerax is as big or bigger than the Hyperion Assault Tank was, and is much better armored. It's practically bullet and explosive proof across its armor, and corrosive doesn't melt it at all. The only way to damage it is to hit it in its energy points at the joints, on its back under its shell, and to shoot out its eye. It also has a whole hive of children serving with it, each of which is only weak to one element, meaning we had to keep a shock, corrosive, and fire weapon on hand at all times in case one of them snuck up on us.
MORDECAI: He's fucking fast too! Way faster than he looks! And he fires huge goobs of acid which can eat through shields like they're not even there! It's a nightmare facing this guy.
BRICK: He is a Titan, a true beast of majesty and power. I am honored to have taken part in killing it. Also, shit was badass as fuck, man.
ROLAND: Yes, despite his incredible power, we did eventually kill it. It took all day, multiple deaths for everyone except Lilith-
LILITH: Sorry!
ROLAND: And about 10,000 rounds of ammunition from every gun we have, but eventually we killed him. And if that doesn't make us the most badass people on Pandora, I'll eat my damn rifle. Still, despite all the pain and monetary cost, it was certainly worth it. Because behind his arena hidden in an alcove… we found the mother load. Legendaries, Pearls, purples galore. It was even more beautiful than the Hyperion gift shop was.
[gun fires, lightning and acid explodes]
LILITH: Okay, I think I can get used to this.
MORDECAI: Oh yeah, now we're talking!
BRICK: [evil laughter] I'd like to see anything try to take us on now.
ROLAND: Yeah, I don't think there's much left in the galaxy that can threaten us at this point. But now that we've beaten the strongest challenge Pandora has to offer… I think it's time to take a break. Go on vacation somewhere.
MORDECAI: I'm gonna hang out with Moxxi in the Underdrome for a while, work on my high score in the arena.
BRICK: I shall go and challenge more bandit lords. Maybe find Hanz and Franz and get those two to finally listen to reason. Violently.
LILITH: That sounds fun. Hope you guys enjoy yourselves. As for us, Roland, I heard Elphis has some sweet bars we could check out.
ROLAND: Sounds like a plan. Alright, that's all for now. So long Pandora, and thanks for all the loot. This is Roland, signing off.