Advanced Practice of Biophysics and a book of poems of varying quality. It was enough to give Chandra something to fixate on – nowhere near enough to stop her from fixating on what had just happened, but enough to keep her from freaking out.
PHYS 308, Applied Biophysics, Section 002 in room C3010 with M. Vig. Whoever had dropped what must be a very expensive textbook was in this class and Chandra would have offered to run through a plate of glass to find out who it was, as if it would actually matter. They're either the kind of person that would report what they saw, or they weren't. I guess I could leave a note in here asking them to keep their mouth shut.
She decided that might cause more problems than solutions and rode out the rest of the walk to the lost and found, desperately wishing she wore something with a hood. She practically threw the books at the lanky young man working the station, refusing to make eye contact and responded, "the ground" when asked where she found it. Chandra devised a plan for being isolated for the day. Before turning off her phone, she texted Gideon
If anyone asks, I'm with you.
Between a gang and prison, Gideon knew the importance of not asking too many questions and the value in keeping a secret.
There was a train yard not too far from the campus; it was ugly, smelled like a farm and was off any sort of path. If Chandra were still in high school, it would have been the perfect place for students to go to drink or fuck, but she was in university now and there were bars and bedrooms to do that in, so it was deserted and it was where she went if she wanted to be guaranteed privacy. It was also the most industrial spot she'd found in Tolaria West and it gave her a strong, comforting Ghirapur vibe.
Maybe if I had paid more attention to all those teachers explaining karma to me, I might have been able to avoid this. I'm having a hard time not believing in it right now. Twelve hours after I did what I did to Liliana, I have someone force themselves on me.
Okay, maybe the karma thing is bullshit, but I still had it coming.
But even so, I can't believe she'd do that with a student. What if it had been someone else? Would she have done it to someone else though? It's not like she did it for no reason. I was attracted to her and, like a dumb kid, I let it show. Why wouldn't she assume I was interested?
Someone like her wouldn't try that unless she was sure they wanted it. That's the only thing that makes sense. She's a hero, she saved our people, saved me. She'd never mean to hurt anyone.
What now though? How can I be face to face with her after this? I could drop the course, but that would make people suspicious. What would happen if that person reported it? I could deny it happened, but mother would hear about it. I could lie to her, but if it got out that I did, she'd hate me for it
I could say it was consensual. If I do that, there'd be no proof I'm lying and it would probably just get everything swept under the rug. Her name doesn't need to be tarnished and I wouldn't have to be the student that was a victim of that. Mother probably wouldn't like that too much either though. She'd probably disappointed in both of us
Maybe the person that saw us just won't say anything. Hell, maybe they didn't even see anything and they just dropped their stuff and ran away for no reason.
That'd be nice.
I guess the real question is why didn't I stop her? Why'd I just sit there?
Don't be stupid, you know why.
You're a coward.
Anyone worth a damn would have stood their ground. What was I even doing? It was like I was pretending it wasn't happening. That was the most strength I could muster?
You know how much of a coward you are? One of those trains could start moving and even if you really wanted to, not that I necessarily do, you wouldn't have the guts to get in front of it and let it end your sad little life.
You can't stand up for yourself, you can't control yourself, you can't even kill yourself, so what can you do?
The only answer Chandra could come up with was to bury her head into her legs and cry.