Chapter 21

November 22, 2552, 2245hrs, New York Military Facility, New York City, New York, United States, Planet Earth

"Tali?"

"Mike?" Natalia exploded at the other end of the call that had gone through, "Is it really you?"

Though it was the middle of the afternoon in Australia Mike wasn't sure he'd be able to connect with her working at the Hive. Fortunately, he'd kept the number Natalia's father had given him which included a by-pass code. He reminded himself he needed to call the man before they shipped out to say good-bye. "Yea, I wanted to call before we shipped out."

"I've been thinking about you a lot since our call earlier in the day." The emotional woman seemed on the verge of tears.

"Me too. Listen, I've been an ass," Mike confessed. "I've been thinking only about myself and feeling sorry for myself. How are you doing? Any more dreams?"

"Oh Mike," the woman's voice choked and she couldn't speak, driving a knife into Mike's heart. "It's hard," she confessed. "I… I don't know what to say….I miss you…I shouldn't say that when you're deploying."

"No, I miss you too Tali and I appreciate you telling me," Mike responded, trying to stay level-headed and strong for the woman. He also knew she was being evasive and not wanting to answer his question. There was a risk here. If he pressed, she could get angry at him and that would ruin their conversation which seemed to be their existing pattern. Yet he cared for the woman, no, he loved her, he corrected himself so had to.

"But what about your dreams about Mars?" Mike asked again, trying to sound as even as he could.

"You want to hear about those?" Natalia's voice had a sudden edge to it.

"Yes, I do," Mike confirmed, bracing for a storm.

"Uhm…yea…well…," Natalia stammered, trying to maintain her composure.

"Listen, I've been stupid and insensitive to what you're going through," Mike became emboldened as he began to realize the woman was not going to get angry at him. "It's probably seemed like I don't care but I've just gotten so used to the killing I don't think a lot about it. I forget it's probably hard for others. Pretty twisted, huh?" Now he was feeling bad for his own way of thinking.

"I appreciate that and it's not twisted," Natalia countered. It seemed as if he'd given permission to speak openly about this so she opened the flood gates. For the next ten minutes she went on about her dreams and the struggles she'd been having of late. While hard to share in the end she felt surprisingly better.

"Thanks for sharing all this with me Tali," Mike acknowledged, head spinning a bit from his girlfriend's revelations. "I'm sorry I missed it the first time. But don't keep this stuff in okay? Talk to your dad about it too, he wants to help. We're both here to help you get through this stuff."

"Thanks Mike, that means a lot."

The pair chatted for some more time, now with the air cleared, they could talk freely and enjoy each other's company. But the clock was ticking and Mike knew he had things to do so started to wrap up the conversation. Still, there was one thing left he needed to accomplish. "Hey, listen, I heard you went to see Adam in the infirmary. That meant a lot to him and to me."

"It was the least I could do," Natalia acknowledged. She too was happy for the renewal of connection between them. Her dreams had been a heavy burden and she'd not wanted him to think of her as weak but now she knew keeping those memories in was eating her alive. No, she needed to talk to Mike about this, her father, and probably talk to a professional to get her back on track. She could feel the lightness return in her voice and liked it. "We had a great chat and it was nice to reconnect with him. I also ran into Josh Shoemaker when I was there."

"Who?"

"Private Shoemaker, my driver when I came to find you on Reach," Natalia explained.

"Oh, okay." Mike remembered the young soldier who'd helped Natalia with her Mjolnir armor when it had malfunctioned due to her negligence. If not for him things may have been different for the pair. "How's he doing?" the Lone Wolf asked genuinely.

"Not so great." Natalia's tone changed to one of regret. "He lost a leg later on in the campaign and got medivac'd to Earth.".

"Damn, that sucks," Mike responded, weighed down by yet another casualty of the relentless war.

"Dad's going to see what he can do for him," Natalia perked up then changed the subject to something more pleasant. "How is Adam, by the way?"

"He's great," Mike reported. "He's back as 2ic with the team and is deploying with us."

"That's good," Natalia responded a bit too eagerly.

Mike wondered if he should tell her Mel was still coming with them. He didn't know what to say so didn't, enjoying the lack of tension in their conversation.

The pair chatted pleasantly for the next while until the urgency of an impending timeline compelled them to break off the conversation. Each was keenly aware of how much they missed the other and how much they'd like to see each other. But it was not to be. Still, after their conversation before Cleveland each was happy for the tone change and optimistic that despite the war they'd be able to get their relationship back on track. They hoped so anyways. Each declared their continued love for the other as they hung up.

Natalia felt a lightness she'd not experienced for some time. Even her drab office suddenly seemed brighter and cheerier. While the dreams of Mars still haunted her for the first time she believed she could overcome them. There was still a lot of unknowns and Mike deploying to Africa which was now the center of the fight for Earth didn't help. But she realized that was out of her control and to simply enjoy what she did have control over. No, she had the chance to do things differently. She'd even smile and say hello to Captain Osman the next time she saw her.

For Mike the feeling of lightness didn't last as long. He was happy he'd cleared the air with Natalia and had apologized. The intuitive supersoldier also could tell she was in a better place after their conversation and that made him happy. Still, he was an agent and property of the UNSC being sent from one dangerous mission to another. He understood the urgency of the matter and the need for those with his particular skillset to be in the forefront of the fight for humanity but his heart also ached for some form of normalcy in his life. Earlier in the evening he'd overheard a group of soldiers eagerly sharing their plans for the leave they had upcoming. For the Spartans there was no such luxury. No, it was get some chow, try to catch some sleep and then strap in for the next fight. This had been his life for years and he'd not thought much about it but now things had changed. No, the happiness of the moment dulled pretty quickly.

Ruth Charet sat in her comfortable apartment unable to sleep. Though able to afford much more the practical woman chose to live more modestly. The General Secretary of the United Nations absently twirled the metal arm of her glasses as she replayed the conversation with Admiral Parangosky back in her mind. Again, she was at a crisis of sort.

"It's pretty clear that ONI is threatening me, and my family, she thought to herself. But why? What are they afraid of? The highly intelligent woman paused and mulled those questions over in her mind for a while. Yet another thread of thought kept intruding into her processing. Why am I doing this? I've never stepped out in risk before. Why stop now and over something like this?

Yet even entertaining the thought brought a wave of conviction over the principled woman. She'd always lived by a code of honor that drove her decisions. It had always directed her life and had ultimately made her into the woman she was. Yet now that she'd been threatened, she was prepared to give that up. An involuntary shudder wracked the woman despite the fact her home was climate controlled. It wasn't a change in temperature but rather of conviction. She couldn't do that to the UN and she sure couldn't do it to herself. No, this was now more than about the Spartans, this was about who she was at her core. The choice suddenly became easy.

Ruth Charet, despite the late hour, took out her datapad and began to draft a declaration she would share with her team and the United Nations the next day. The pragmatic woman knew she needed to be careful in how she did it. But in the end, something had to be done.

Like the ripples of a stone thrown into a pond, as Mike and Natalia contemplated their conversation and Ruth Charet considered the implications of her proposed actions the growing legacy was having another reaction as well. Serin Osman walked briskly into Admiral Parangosky's office.

"Mike-B312 and Misriah have just spoken," the aide to the head of the Office of Naval Intelligence reported.

Parangosky frowned at the report but didn't' seem surprised. "How was he able to gain access to her here?"

"I suspect her father gave him access to the secure routing codes," Osman answered, irritation clearly evident.

"So, it would appear the two have maintained their connection despite everything going on. Interesting," Parangosky paused to contemplate what was going on. "No wonder Spanner is now on his crusade," she mused, steepling her fingers as she considered the news and implications of it.

"You're right, ma'am," the Spartan II washout agreed then declared, "Enough of this! When are we going to do something? That worm MacKenzie still hasn't produced anything. He's too cautious."

"Patience Serin," Parangosky said more as a warning than an encouragement. "Yes, we can use that man. Send him a reminder. But in the meantime, let's send Natalia on an assignment to Africa."

"But why would we do that? Isn't that where her Spartan's going?" Osman blurted out, regretting immediately the emotion-laced outburst. Serin didn't know why this whole situation bothered her so much. The privilege of Natalia Misriah was an irritant so she instinctively wanted to see the attractive, wealthy woman hurt, but surprisingly she was more agitated at Mike Nantz. The woman who'd been herself in the Spartan program had not made it through the final augmentation process. In fact, it had left her body broken which made her unable to continue. So she'd been plucked for administrative duty with ONI and eventually she'd been picked up and groomed by Margaret Parangosky. Serin Osman had tried to lose herself in her job and her ability and hard work had gotten her to where she was, on the brink of incredible power when she took over from the elderly woman in the near future. Yet Serin Osman also missed true camaraderie and friendship. She remembered still her days as a child training as part of a team, having people in her life that cared for her and she cared for. So now to see this other Spartan beginning to experience not only this but it seemed also love caused the still-hurting woman to peak in jealousy. In reality though this was envy tinged and even part of her admired the man. This volatile cocktail of emotions led to her caring way too much but mainly because the little voice in her head told her she could have the same thing if she had the courage. But for all her strength and power Serin Osman was a coward when it came to matters of the heart so she hated Mike for it.

"That is true." Parangosky confirmed, observing the turmoil in her protégé. She'd let it slide rather than exploit it this time. She had a degree of affection for the woman, or as much as she could, or perhaps it was old age. Though she knew ONI would be in good hands under Serin Osman she also knew that the broken Spartan II was not her. In a split second of self-reflection the elderly, bitter woman thought that perhaps was a good thing. "But we can keep her arm's length from him."

"I get it, close enough to know they're there but not close enough to connect," Osman stated with a grim grin.

"Correct, so close, and yet so far," Parangosky confirmed.

"Is that it?"

"Of course not," Parangosky countered with a wicked smile on her wrinkled face. "Make sure dear Natalia has the opportunity to see the front. Our determined girl seems to have delusions of the heroic. So, let's let her."

"And if she's killed?" Osman asked, emotions suddenly mixed.

"We'll have a fitting tribute to her here at the Hive," the admiral stated almost happily. "I want her there tomorrow."

"Very well, I'll see its done," Osman replied, throwing up a salute and wheeling about to leave the office. She almost regretted sharing this piece of news.

The intrigue and politics of the bigger picture were lost on Mike Nantz as he began supervising the loading of his team and the ODST Wolverines starting at 0430 on four Pelicans that were beginning to spool up. He'd had some down time but little rest. This didn't concern the supersoldier since he knew he could handle it but what was of greater consequence was he had a lot on his mind. He watched Melanie lithely moving about her tasks despite the bulky armor he wore and couldn't help but watch her movements. He was a man conflicted. Part of him was glad the woman who'd come back into his life was joining them, another desperately wished she wasn't. The die was cast and he'd have to deal with it along with his relationship with Natalia.

"You okay, sir?"

Mike physically started as the question delivered with a Scottish brogue broke him out of his musings.

"Excuse me, gunny?" Mike asked Hank MacGregor who'd come up to stand beside him.

"I said, are you okay, sir?" the ODST senior NCO asked patiently.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" the distracted man tried to deflect.

"Listen, we haven't known each other too long," MacGregor acknowledged. "It's hard to believe really. But we've also been through a lot together so I'd like to think I know you pretty well and have good instincts with you. But even a buck private coming out of basic training could see this," the season veteran deadpanned.

Mike was jarred by the statement and turned to give the seasoned veteran a careful look. There was no judgment or condemnation in the man's face, instead there was compassion and understanding. "Yea, I've got a few things on my mind, gunny," he confessed.

"Girl troubles?"

Again, Mike reacted as if he'd received an electric shock. "I…well…I mean," he stammered then finally confessed, "You could say that, but how did you know?"

"You're just off," MacGregor stated, then motioning towards Melanie said, "That one looks at you like a cat about to devour its prey. Plus, you have a look on your face that says 'I don't know my arse from my elbows right now."

Mike couldn't help but chuckle at the imagery but then became serious. "Are you concerned about how I'll perform?"

"Not one bit, sir," MacGregor declared without hesitation to Mike's relief. "I know you're the man to lead this mission but I also know you'll take all this, stick it somewhere and it'll eat your insides out like acid. You're a man, not a machine, eventually that stuff will eat away at who you are and you end up losing yourself."

Mike looked anew at the older man and saw something in his eyes. "You sound like you're sharing from your own experience, Hank."

"Aye."

The observant operator thought he saw the hard-as-nails ODST's eyes mist up a bit. "Thank you for caring enough to say that, it means a lot, more than I can express," Mike said genuinely.

"I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did," MacGregor declared.

Mike looked at the man who returned his gaze, measuring whether to articulate what was on his mind or not. I trust this man with my life, the Lone Wolf thought to himself, I should be able to trust him with this.

It was a step of faith and Mike decided to take the leap.

"It's confusing. I love Natalia and she loves me. We're good together, most of the time. But then this war keeps getting in the way of us figuring out what our relationship really looks like," Mike confessed.

"And?" MacGregor knew there was more.

"That's frustrating enough but then there's Melanie. She seems interested in something with me." Mike looked down at the permacrete floor of the landing bay they stood in as one of the Pelican's let off a hiss of steam. "Part of me is interested in her too," he confessed. "But I don't know what it means. I've known her for years but it was all when I was a kid. My emotions are all scrambled up and I can't make heads or tails of them."

"So what's your rush?" MacGregor asked.

"What do you mean?" Mike was startled by the unexpected response.

"You act like you have to have this all figured out before your next meal," the ODST NCO declared. "Feelings are complicated things. You can't always control them and you sure as hell can't rush them."

"But I don't like how they make me feel."

"No one does."

"How do I get them under control, Hank?" Mike pleaded.

"In some ways you really can't. You have to ride them out until they start to work in harmony with you," MacGregor explained.

"What do you mean?" the deadly supersoldier asked though at the moment he was very vulnerable.

"I read once about in the past in America's west where they'd need to tame horses. The wildest ones would buck and break and try to kill anyone who attempted to ride them. They were the fastest and strongest horses around and they couldn't be controlled."

"So how did someone tame them?" Mike asked, being drawn into the story.

"Well, you had a choice. You could ride the docile ones that didn't take any effort. They'd get you there eventually or else you had to get on the wild mustang and ride until you got into rhythm and they eventually gave way. You'd be thrown probably a few times and that would hurt but in the end…" MacGregor let his voice trail off to allow Mike the chance to pick up his point.

"You had something worth riding," he finished.

"Exactly. The valuable ones took the most effort. But with time, sacrifice and also co-operation in the end it was worth it."

"So how does this apply to all the stuff I'm going through?" Mike asked, a sense of optimism beginning to grow.

"Mike, you need to ride it out and give the time needed to tame this," the gunnery sergeant stated with passion in his voice. "I'm not going to tell you what you should do or who you should be with, only you can make that decision, but I don't want to see you rushing the situation to try to come to some form of resolution. That does no one any credit. No, ride this out, keep your eyes open and trust your heart. You have a good one. You're a good man and will make the right decision in the end."

"Thanks Hank, I appreciate that," Mike declared genuinely. He looked over and saw that Melanie had stopped what she was doing to watch the pair, curiosity etched on her face. He had to confess, he was confused. He loved Natalia, deeply, but he also had some unexplored feelings for Melanie. They were going perhaps into one of the toughest assignments yet but a sudden calm came over him and he knew not only it would be okay but he might even figure all this out in the process.

"So, what do you think, sir?" MacGregor asked not so much looking for a response as to signal time was moving on.

"I think it's time to go to Africa and kill some Covvies, gunny," Mike responded, a smile lighting up his face.